In this episode I talk about the slower pace of summer and the joy of knitting brioche.
Music credit: Ketsa "Day Trips"
[instrumental intro music, upbeat with trills and bells
Music Credit: Ketsa, “Day Trips”]
Holly 00:34
Hi! I’m so happy to be here. It’s been a little bit. I had to try to find the microphone and that speaks to the chaos of my house and just hte summer mode that I am in. My kids finally finished school and we all kind of flopped right after that. I know that sounds kind of cracy because one of my kids has been doing virtual school from home and the other one only went to school two days a week. So we were still in this stay at home mindset but I think the mental exhaustion of the year we’ve had finally caught up with us. I had this therapist-- or special worker in al-anon language--who used to say that sometimes it’s only safe to process emotions of an event once it’s over and I think with virtual school--and my kids were in virtual school all year even last summer so it’s been 15 months of virtual school (ugh)--and so anyway, we all just kind of bellyflopped once it was over. Ugh!
Holly 01:55
Anyway, I’m so happy to be here. I think we’re back on track. We have our summer legs (laughter) our sea legs with this seasonal shift. It’s nice. It’s nice to not have to be a school bully. We get to sleep a little later and stay up a little later. It’s nice. I’m trying really hard to enjoy it.
Holly 2:20
So today I just mostly wanted to jump in and say hi and get back into the rhythm of podcasting. Last month was kind of intense with finishing school and it was father’s day which can be tough in our household. This year’s father’s day was really nice but even sometimes with holidays when they go well it can be just as disorientating as when they don’t but we were trying really hard to live in the moment and accept each day as it comes. So we had a really nice father’s day. I found it challenging but the kids had a really nice day. I’ve been thinking a little bit about what I wanted to talk about today. It’s another long weekend in the states--it’s July 4th weekend.
Holly 03:35
I always thought July 4th was kind of a bummer holiday. You know, it kind of marked that summer was halfway over. And even before I was in a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction, it bummed me out. I had to deal with all of those out-sized expectations about summer. You know, that I was finally going to learn another language and grow a garden and I think i would always imagine myself on July 4th with my family having this picture perfect july fourth barbeque, like the kind that used to be in Martha Stewart magazine, like delicious grilled chicken and corn on the cob and all the American--but the classier version--of an American barbecue [laughter]. But every summer by July 4th I realized that (laughter) i was still me. And none of those things… happened. [laughter]. I was still struggling to learn a language and my garden wasn’t doing well and I wasn’t partnered up let alone invited to a fancy beach weekend. And then once you get in a relationship with someone who struggles with an addiction you get a whole new set of problems with long holidays and that is here for sure. And even with lots of guardrails and boundaries with my ex but I can see him begin to struggle this weekend. He’s been doing really well and I even started to trust in it a little bit but I can see he’s struggling and that’s hard. Maybe I am wrong. My sense is that things will be tough for him. And that’s just the nature of the disease. So I’m going to stick to myself right now.
Holly 05:40
The holiday weekend always marks the halfway point of the summer. And as a teacher and someone who loves summer it always makes me a little bit sad. So I’m going to do an inventory of what’s ahead of me about summer and what’s great right now to get out of this negative mindset. It’s a lovely long weekend. The weather is really nice here. Where I live there’s a really spectacular fireworks display. And I know that’s a tough one--as an animal lover I know it’s horrible for them and it scares everyone around them but they can be really spectacular. And I’ve always been kind of drawn to the big scary things. (laughter). I probably need to do a little work on that in therapy (laughter). But I do love fireworks. My area has one on the 4th and the next week my town celebrates its history so that’s two weekends in a row.
Holly 06:57
I’m also loving this new slowed-down pace. This gives me lots of time for sewing and knitting. Almost too much time! I have to be careful that I don’t hurt myself with repetitive strain injuries! I’m almost halfway through my summer shawl. I just dove head first into my brioche project. It has more than met the challenge of the last month. It’s just challenging enough that it holds my attention but it’s repetitive enough that I have gotten into the rhythm of the pattern. I’ve had to rip back a few times. If you’ve ever knit brioche, oof, you know: ripping back in brioche is challenging. I’ve had to do it a few times but I’ve gotten back on track. As an aside: I’ve not put in lifelines, which you’d think I’d learn and set up some boundaries with myself and my knitting (laughter).
Holly 08:35
So yeah I’m almost 3/4ths of the way through the project. I’m in this new phase of knitting… I think I spoke last time about this 70s acrylic yarn project. I got the yarn from the creative reuse center. The yarn is pink and this melon red color--so pretty--so I thought I'd make a valentine’s day scarf (super 70s inspired). I found this free pattern using the astor flower stitch, which is a fun stitch on bulky needles. And I’m knitting it. And you know it’s coming out exactly like I wanted it to. But… it’s not satisfying me.
Holly 09:35 I think I was depressed. These bright cheery projects--the crazy colors of the brioche shawl and these bright pinks and reds of the blower stitch scarf--even those couldn’t bring me joy last month. So it’s a good reminder that sometimes you just need to rest. External things can’t always make you happy. I have to do the inside work.
Holly 10:03
So I’m back to feeling more hopeful. I think turning this corner of July 4th will help and doing this inventory of all the gifts of summer ahead of me and finishing the shawl and scarf and picking a new project. Maybe the luxury of going to the fancy local yarn store and picking out a new sock yarn--I can’t afford much right now but I can afford a single skein of sock yarn. Laughter. Maybe one of the beefier yardages. That will be a nice treat and give me a small project that I can enjoy in limited quantities without hurting myself with repetitive strain injury. It’s summertime and the living is easy. I’m going to try to enjoy it rather than what I normally do which is panic about what’s coming. I was going to say i should plan my next project but you know what… I’m not! The next project will find me.
Holly 11:26
So this was a little rambling, not really clear on a theme. But I just wanted to get back into the habit of podcasting and say hello. I just wanted to say that if your family is like mine, if you struggle with addiction or if you are struggling with somebody who is struggling with addiction, I know that this holiday can be tough. Any major or minor holiday can bring up a lot of feelings. So I hope that wherever you are you have beautiful materials to work with and that you have the perfect project for the pace of life you are in… busy or not! And I hope that you find some joy and serenity this weekend. As always, I’m just speaking from my experience and I’m so grateful that you’re here. Please just take what you like and leave the rest and know that I’m cheering you on.
Holly 12:27
Okay take care! bye!