{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":5.339,"endTime":7.859,"body":"Welcome to questions from"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":5.339,"endTime":7.859,"body":"the closet. I'm Ben Schilaty."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":7.949,"endTime":10.589,"body":"And I'm Charlie Bird."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":7.949,"endTime":10.589,"body":"Each episode we discuss a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":10.589,"endTime":13.499,"body":"question that we commonly get"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":10.589,"endTime":13.499,"body":"asked as LGBTQ Latter-day"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":13.499,"endTime":13.979,"body":"Saints."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":14.219,"endTime":16.049,"body":"We're not trying to answer"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":14.219,"endTime":16.049,"body":"this question or come to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":16.049,"endTime":18.149,"body":"consensus, but simply sharing"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":16.049,"endTime":18.149,"body":"our perspectives."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":18.3,"endTime":20.76,"body":"Today's question is,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":18.3,"endTime":20.76,"body":"should I go on a mission?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":21.26,"endTime":23.27,"body":"Charlie and I are not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":21.26,"endTime":23.27,"body":"terribly diverse. We share many"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":23.27,"endTime":25.94,"body":"opinions and life experiences."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":23.27,"endTime":25.94,"body":"For example, we both went to the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":25.94,"endTime":28.91,"body":"Provo MTC to start our missions,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":25.94,"endTime":28.91,"body":"and we both studied in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":28.91,"endTime":29.9,"body":"building 18M."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":30.44,"endTime":32.51,"body":"However, there are some"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":30.44,"endTime":32.51,"body":"pretty big differences. For"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":32.51,"endTime":35.72,"body":"example, Ben's MTC training was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":32.51,"endTime":35.72,"body":"eight weeks and mine was only"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":35.72,"endTime":38.63,"body":"six. So Ben, I'm sure you are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":35.72,"endTime":38.63,"body":"much more familiar with the ins"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":38.63,"endTime":40.16,"body":"and outs of building 18M."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":40.27,"endTime":43.27,"body":"I am. Well, back then they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":40.27,"endTime":43.27,"body":"made us go to the MTC for eight"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":43.27,"endTime":45.58,"body":"weeks, because they thought we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":43.27,"endTime":45.58,"body":"needed longer to learn Spanish,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":45.64,"endTime":48.1,"body":"so I probably did. I was really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":45.64,"endTime":48.1,"body":"bad at it."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":48.16,"endTime":49.21,"body":"Did you like the MTC?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":49.39,"endTime":52.69,"body":"I loved it. I absolutely"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":49.39,"endTime":52.69,"body":"loved it. But I was also super"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":52.69,"endTime":55.99,"body":"scared to go to Mexico. So I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":52.69,"endTime":55.99,"body":"think it was just like, I'm on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":55.99,"endTime":58.3,"body":"my mission. Yay. And I'm not in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":55.99,"endTime":58.3,"body":"Mexico yet, which seemed really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":58.3,"endTime":58.69,"body":"scary."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":58.78,"endTime":61.84,"body":"I also really loved the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":58.78,"endTime":61.84,"body":"MTC It was so cool. It's weird."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":62.23,"endTime":65.59,"body":"It's like weird culture. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":62.23,"endTime":65.59,"body":"you're kind of in this bubble,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":65.68,"endTime":67.96,"body":"but I really loved it. And I met"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":65.68,"endTime":67.96,"body":"some really good friends."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":67.99,"endTime":70.45,"body":"Well, after like two weeks,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":67.99,"endTime":70.45,"body":"it's like there was no other"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":70.45,"endTime":72.76,"body":"life besides that, like your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":70.45,"endTime":72.76,"body":"whole life has always been"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":72.76,"endTime":72.97,"body":"there."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":73.09,"endTime":76.42,"body":"I got super stir crazy"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":73.09,"endTime":76.42,"body":"though. Like I wanted to leave"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":76.48,"endTime":78.25,"body":"and just be out in nature. But I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":76.48,"endTime":78.25,"body":"couldn't."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":77.79,"endTime":81.33,"body":"I didn't I was happy where"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":77.79,"endTime":81.33,"body":"I was."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":78.75,"endTime":80.58,"body":"Those were my qualms."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":80.61,"endTime":84.48,"body":"Yeah, also. So not only did"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":80.61,"endTime":84.48,"body":"I study in 18M, but the the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":84.48,"endTime":86.91,"body":"classroom we had was one of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":84.48,"endTime":86.91,"body":"those observation rooms with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":86.91,"endTime":89.46,"body":"like double mirrors. Like we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":86.91,"endTime":89.46,"body":"could like see through."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":89.49,"endTime":89.85,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":90.06,"endTime":93.06,"body":"And had no windows and we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":90.06,"endTime":93.06,"body":"spent all day in that windowless"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":93.06,"endTime":93.33,"body":"room."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":93.45,"endTime":94.11,"body":"Oh my goodness."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":94.11,"endTime":97.17,"body":"Then after my mission I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":94.11,"endTime":97.17,"body":"taught in a classroom across the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":97.17,"endTime":98.1,"body":"hall from that room."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":98.31,"endTime":98.97,"body":"Bless you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":99.0,"endTime":99.78,"body":"For three years."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":99.81,"endTime":101.46,"body":"I wouldn't have been"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":99.81,"endTime":101.46,"body":"able to do it. I need a window."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":101.49,"endTime":104.37,"body":"Yeah. Well, there you go. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":101.49,"endTime":104.37,"body":"had no windows just the window"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":104.37,"endTime":105.3,"body":"of my soul of the world."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":105.779,"endTime":109.169,"body":"Oh, well. We would like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":105.779,"endTime":109.169,"body":"to provide a variety of voices"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":109.169,"endTime":112.019,"body":"and perspectives. So today we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":109.169,"endTime":112.019,"body":"are joined by Sarah Langford."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":112.649,"endTime":113.399,"body":"Welcome, Sarah."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":113.76,"endTime":114.63,"body":"Thank you."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":114.989,"endTime":116.849,"body":"So Sarah, tell us a little"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":114.989,"endTime":116.849,"body":"bit about yourself."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":117.12,"endTime":120.69,"body":"I'm from New Jersey,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":117.12,"endTime":120.69,"body":"second oldest of six. I'm a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":120.69,"endTime":123.93,"body":"bisexual woman married to a gay"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":120.69,"endTime":123.93,"body":"man. We've been married now for"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":123.93,"endTime":127.47,"body":"six and a half years. The reason"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":123.93,"endTime":127.47,"body":"maybe why you asked me here"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":127.47,"endTime":129.93,"body":"today is missionary work has"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":127.47,"endTime":129.93,"body":"been a really important part of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":129.93,"endTime":132.84,"body":"my life for a long time,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":129.93,"endTime":132.84,"body":"personally and professionally. I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":132.84,"endTime":135.09,"body":"mean, some of those things"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":132.84,"endTime":135.09,"body":"include, I spent five years five"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":135.09,"endTime":136.59,"body":"and a half years at the MTC."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":137.52,"endTime":139.2,"body":"So more than Charlie's six"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":137.52,"endTime":139.2,"body":"weeks."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":139.2,"endTime":141.54,"body":"Yeah, you know. And it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":139.2,"endTime":141.54,"body":"wasn't just because I was really"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":141.54,"endTime":144.03,"body":"bad at learning a language it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":141.54,"endTime":144.03,"body":"was, you know, I was working"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":144.03,"endTime":148.08,"body":"there. And it's been wonderful."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":144.03,"endTime":148.08,"body":"And I really feel like that I've"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":148.08,"endTime":151.38,"body":"tried to apply the same"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":148.08,"endTime":151.38,"body":"principles of like purpose to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":151.38,"endTime":152.7,"body":"other areas of my life."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":152.9,"endTime":155.21,"body":"So Sarah, as you got to the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":152.9,"endTime":155.21,"body":"age where you would have gone on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":155.21,"endTime":157.4,"body":"a mission? What was going"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":155.21,"endTime":157.4,"body":"through your head? Like, how did"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":157.4,"endTime":159.05,"body":"you make the decision to go or"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":157.4,"endTime":159.05,"body":"not go?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":159.96,"endTime":161.76,"body":"Going on a mission was"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":159.96,"endTime":161.76,"body":"something that I always wanted"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":161.76,"endTime":164.91,"body":"to do. Both my parents served"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":161.76,"endTime":164.91,"body":"missions. I grew up in New"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":164.91,"endTime":169.14,"body":"Jersey. And so it just"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":164.91,"endTime":169.14,"body":"missionary work seemed a part of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":169.14,"endTime":172.44,"body":"who I wanted to be and where I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":169.14,"endTime":172.44,"body":"wanted to go. And it was only"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":172.44,"endTime":174.72,"body":"going to be a matter of time"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":172.44,"endTime":174.72,"body":"before I can make it official by"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":174.72,"endTime":177.21,"body":"getting a name tag. You know, I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":174.72,"endTime":177.21,"body":"don't I never thought about"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":177.21,"endTime":181.11,"body":"becoming a sister as much as it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":177.21,"endTime":181.11,"body":"was getting a name tag. And"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":181.14,"endTime":185.04,"body":"let's see, back in 2012, I was"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":181.14,"endTime":185.04,"body":"working hard. I did my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":185.04,"endTime":190.44,"body":"interviews. And then in August"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":185.04,"endTime":190.44,"body":"that year, I met Brandon. And"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":190.65,"endTime":195.12,"body":"after a lot of deeply personal"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":190.65,"endTime":195.12,"body":"wrestling, I received like the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":195.12,"endTime":199.47,"body":"very strong answer that I needed"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":195.12,"endTime":199.47,"body":"to stay. And it was a very"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":199.47,"endTime":202.23,"body":"painful thing for me because it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":199.47,"endTime":202.23,"body":"felt as if all the things that I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":202.23,"endTime":205.77,"body":"wanted to do. were connected to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":202.23,"endTime":205.77,"body":"that. I knew that I wanted to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":205.77,"endTime":210.78,"body":"work at the MTC both my parents"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":205.77,"endTime":210.78,"body":"taught there. And they were, it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":210.78,"endTime":213.21,"body":"was something that I wanted to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":210.78,"endTime":213.21,"body":"do it's something--I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":213.21,"endTime":216.48,"body":"be school at BYU, it seemed like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":213.21,"endTime":216.48,"body":"the MTC teachers were just like,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":216.96,"endTime":218.16,"body":"the greatest people ever."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":218.58,"endTime":219.3,"body":"That's not wrong."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":219.72,"endTime":222.69,"body":"Right? But I just, it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":219.72,"endTime":222.69,"body":"seemed like great. I am shutting"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":222.69,"endTime":225.84,"body":"the door on all these other"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":222.69,"endTime":225.84,"body":"opportunities. I felt like I was"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":225.84,"endTime":229.68,"body":"maybe disbarring myself from"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":225.84,"endTime":229.68,"body":"ways to contribute. Because at"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":229.68,"endTime":232.59,"body":"every church meeting I went to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":229.68,"endTime":232.59,"body":"it seemed like I heard as a part"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":232.59,"endTime":234.93,"body":"of the introduction or as a part"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":232.59,"endTime":234.93,"body":"of the story: and they went on a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":234.93,"endTime":237.33,"body":"mission And they went on a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":234.93,"endTime":237.33,"body":"mission and then this meant that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":237.33,"endTime":240.75,"body":"and it meant that... And like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":237.33,"endTime":240.75,"body":"agency is really important. But"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":240.75,"endTime":245.1,"body":"more important for me with that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":240.75,"endTime":245.1,"body":"process was like my relationship"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":245.1,"endTime":248.1,"body":"with the Lord. And I am grateful"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":245.1,"endTime":248.1,"body":"that I had a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":248.1,"endTime":250.92,"body":"the Lord enough where He could"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":248.1,"endTime":250.92,"body":"be honest enough with me to tell"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":250.92,"endTime":254.4,"body":"me that this was not how I was"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":250.92,"endTime":254.4,"body":"going to serve my mission."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":254.52,"endTime":257.97,"body":"Even though that was a hard"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":254.52,"endTime":257.97,"body":"thing to realize. You knew it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":257.97,"endTime":258.6,"body":"was the right thing."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":258.66,"endTime":260.16,"body":"Yes. I did."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":260.58,"endTime":261.99,"body":"How about you, Charlie? How"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":260.58,"endTime":261.99,"body":"did you decide to go on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":261.99,"endTime":262.35,"body":"mission?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":262.54,"endTime":264.43,"body":"Honestly, part of it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":262.54,"endTime":264.43,"body":"was culturally based. I was just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":264.43,"endTime":267.61,"body":"always expected to. That's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":264.43,"endTime":267.61,"body":"why I went but that's why it was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":267.61,"endTime":269.95,"body":"planted in my head. Like Sarah"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":267.61,"endTime":269.95,"body":"was just saying, like you grow"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":269.95,"endTime":274.0,"body":"up in this culture where"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":269.95,"endTime":274.0,"body":"missionary work is promoted and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":274.0,"endTime":276.1,"body":"considered beautiful. And people"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":274.0,"endTime":276.1,"body":"have these incredible"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":276.1,"endTime":278.95,"body":"experiences. And it's a way to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":276.1,"endTime":278.95,"body":"get out and see the world and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":278.95,"endTime":281.62,"body":"connect with people and learn."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":278.95,"endTime":281.62,"body":"And then as I was always kind of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":281.62,"endTime":286.18,"body":"like, actually getting older"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":281.62,"endTime":286.18,"body":"turning like 17-18 this is I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":286.21,"endTime":288.67,"body":"actually went on my mission"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":286.21,"endTime":288.67,"body":"before like, right as the age"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":288.67,"endTime":291.37,"body":"change was happening. And so I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":288.67,"endTime":291.37,"body":"was still planning to go when I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":291.37,"endTime":295.03,"body":"was 19. It kind of turned more"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":291.37,"endTime":295.03,"body":"into a personal thing. Like what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":295.03,"endTime":298.36,"body":"is my belief set and what is my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":295.03,"endTime":298.36,"body":"relationship with Christ like?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":298.93,"endTime":302.53,"body":"And as I dug into to that I felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":298.93,"endTime":302.53,"body":"more and more called to share"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":302.53,"endTime":305.71,"body":"that with other people by"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":302.53,"endTime":305.71,"body":"serving a mission that was just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":305.71,"endTime":309.01,"body":"a natural way to share my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":305.71,"endTime":309.01,"body":"beliefs and my testimony with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":309.01,"endTime":309.52,"body":"others."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":310.21,"endTime":312.61,"body":"Yeah, you know, for me,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":310.21,"endTime":312.61,"body":"there was no question I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":312.61,"endTime":314.92,"body":"gonna go on a mission. My"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":312.61,"endTime":314.92,"body":"parents were both converts, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":314.95,"endTime":317.44,"body":"the missionary who baptized"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":314.95,"endTime":317.44,"body":"them, Alan Olson, has been a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":317.44,"endTime":321.55,"body":"friend of theirs ever since. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":317.44,"endTime":321.55,"body":"so I've known Alan and his"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":321.55,"endTime":325.03,"body":"family and his kids are like my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":321.55,"endTime":325.03,"body":"cousins. And I know how much the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":325.03,"endTime":328.27,"body":"gospel means my parents. And so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":325.03,"endTime":328.27,"body":"my whole life, I thought, I want"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":328.27,"endTime":330.7,"body":"to find Buzz and Jenny Schilaty,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":328.27,"endTime":330.7,"body":"like people who are kept from"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":330.7,"endTime":333.01,"body":"the truth just because they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":330.7,"endTime":333.01,"body":"don't know where to find it. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":333.01,"endTime":336.1,"body":"so I was pumped to go on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":333.01,"endTime":336.1,"body":"mission like my, my availability"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":336.1,"endTime":338.65,"body":"date was my birthday, or the day"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":336.1,"endTime":338.65,"body":"after whatever it was, like I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":338.65,"endTime":342.43,"body":"went, as soon as I could, I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":338.65,"endTime":342.43,"body":"just pumped to go. Did your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":342.58,"endTime":345.25,"body":"orientations have anything to do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":342.58,"endTime":345.25,"body":"with your decisions to go on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":345.25,"endTime":345.61,"body":"mission?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":346.5,"endTime":349.56,"body":"Not for me personally. I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":346.5,"endTime":349.56,"body":"mean, the story around my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":349.56,"endTime":353.91,"body":"orientation is pretty different,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":349.56,"endTime":353.91,"body":"I think. And I just I think, as"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":354.0,"endTime":355.95,"body":"the two of you were talking, I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":354.0,"endTime":355.95,"body":"feel like you need to own a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":355.95,"endTime":358.2,"body":"little bit quite a bit of like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":355.95,"endTime":358.2,"body":"privilege within the church. I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":358.2,"endTime":360.54,"body":"don't think that women get to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":358.2,"endTime":360.54,"body":"claim privilege very often in"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":360.54,"endTime":364.02,"body":"the church, right? But I think"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":360.54,"endTime":364.02,"body":"in this case, I can, right?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":364.35,"endTime":367.17,"body":"Because there is like an"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":364.35,"endTime":367.17,"body":"expectation and the mandate to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":367.17,"endTime":370.02,"body":"the young men, right? About how"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":367.17,"endTime":370.02,"body":"every worthy young man needs to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":370.02,"endTime":373.68,"body":"go on a mission. And for me,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":370.02,"endTime":373.68,"body":"there was quite a bit more"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":373.83,"endTime":377.34,"body":"little wiggle room and not quite"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":373.83,"endTime":377.34,"body":"as much institutional"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":377.34,"endTime":379.77,"body":"expectation as there would have"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":377.34,"endTime":379.77,"body":"been on the two of you when the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":379.77,"endTime":382.89,"body":"two of you decided to go. And so"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":379.77,"endTime":382.89,"body":"I just think that's like an"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":382.89,"endTime":385.92,"body":"important qualifier there. And"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":382.89,"endTime":385.92,"body":"as far as my orientation goes,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":385.92,"endTime":388.5,"body":"like, for me personally, No,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":385.92,"endTime":388.5,"body":"that wasn't a part of it. It"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":388.5,"endTime":390.39,"body":"never occurred to me that that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":388.5,"endTime":390.39,"body":"would be some sort of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":390.39,"endTime":392.13,"body":"disqualifier to serve."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":392.25,"endTime":393.87,"body":"Yeah. How about you,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":392.25,"endTime":393.87,"body":"Charlie?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":394.23,"endTime":398.58,"body":"Definitely. I would say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":394.23,"endTime":398.58,"body":"definitely, yes. As I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":398.76,"endTime":404.97,"body":"graduating high school, I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":398.76,"endTime":404.97,"body":"very aware that I had, that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":404.97,"endTime":407.49,"body":"was attracted to men. And that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":404.97,"endTime":407.49,"body":"was really scary for me, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":407.49,"endTime":410.76,"body":"I didn't know what that would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":407.49,"endTime":410.76,"body":"do. As far as my mission was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":410.76,"endTime":414.6,"body":"concerned, I had so many fears,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":410.76,"endTime":414.6,"body":"one of the main fears was just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":414.6,"endTime":417.36,"body":"like, am I gonna fall in love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":414.6,"endTime":417.36,"body":"with one of my companions? Like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":417.36,"endTime":420.6,"body":"I'm gonna be living with a guy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":417.36,"endTime":420.6,"body":"and I don't have control over"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":420.6,"endTime":423.51,"body":"that. And I was really scared."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":420.6,"endTime":423.51,"body":"Missionary work is very, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":423.51,"endTime":426.6,"body":"gender divided, like, the men"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":423.51,"endTime":426.6,"body":"are with the men and the women"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":426.6,"endTime":429.48,"body":"are with the women. And that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":426.6,"endTime":429.48,"body":"just how it is. And so I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":429.48,"endTime":432.15,"body":"really worried, like, I didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":429.48,"endTime":432.15,"body":"know how that was going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":432.15,"endTime":436.35,"body":"reflect how I would feel. I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":432.15,"endTime":436.35,"body":"scared that I would do something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":436.35,"endTime":440.58,"body":"wrong and somehow be outed. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":436.35,"endTime":440.58,"body":"that was gonna like cause issues"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":440.58,"endTime":443.94,"body":"or drama, or have me sent home"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":440.58,"endTime":443.94,"body":"early. And in fact, most of my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":443.94,"endTime":447.33,"body":"fears about going on mission on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":443.94,"endTime":447.33,"body":"a mission weren't normal fears"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":447.33,"endTime":450.48,"body":"of just like, oh, where will I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":447.33,"endTime":450.48,"body":"be for two years? Or I won't be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.48,"endTime":453.9,"body":"with my family. It was mostly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.48,"endTime":453.9,"body":"rooted in the fact that I knew I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":453.9,"endTime":457.86,"body":"was gay or back then I called it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":453.9,"endTime":457.86,"body":"same sex attraction, I knew I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":457.86,"endTime":460.86,"body":"had same sex attraction. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":457.86,"endTime":460.86,"body":"didn't know how that would play"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":460.86,"endTime":464.19,"body":"out as an adult on a mission. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":460.86,"endTime":464.19,"body":"thought that my orientation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":464.19,"endTime":467.61,"body":"would have a negative effect, a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":464.19,"endTime":467.61,"body":"negative impact on my ability to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":467.61,"endTime":470.28,"body":"successfully serve. Did you feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":467.61,"endTime":470.28,"body":"that at all?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":470.63,"endTime":473.75,"body":"No. I mean, I didn't really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":470.63,"endTime":473.75,"body":"own my orientation before my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":473.75,"endTime":476.99,"body":"mission at all. I just, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":473.75,"endTime":476.99,"body":"know, I know a lot of people say"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":476.99,"endTime":479.54,"body":"that, like, they went on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":476.99,"endTime":479.54,"body":"mission, like making a deal with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":479.54,"endTime":482.66,"body":"God that if they serve that God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":479.54,"endTime":482.66,"body":"would like, fix them. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":482.66,"endTime":484.58,"body":"never did that. Because I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":482.66,"endTime":484.58,"body":"thought that's what happened."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":484.61,"endTime":487.58,"body":"Like you serve the mission. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":484.61,"endTime":487.58,"body":"God makes us like, there's no"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":487.58,"endTime":490.34,"body":"deal necessary. This is what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":487.58,"endTime":490.34,"body":"happened. So I wasn't worried"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":490.34,"endTime":492.92,"body":"because I was just part of what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":490.34,"endTime":492.92,"body":"you do. Yes, Sarah."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":492.95,"endTime":495.56,"body":"So, I guess what I'm"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":492.95,"endTime":495.56,"body":"hearing is that, like, you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":495.56,"endTime":499.13,"body":"viewed missionary work as like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":495.56,"endTime":499.13,"body":"an LDS version of penance, you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":499.13,"endTime":502.04,"body":"know, that it was gonna be"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":499.13,"endTime":502.04,"body":"somehow.... yes?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":502.0,"endTime":504.16,"body":"Totally. I did, too."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":502.0,"endTime":504.16,"body":"That's actually so funny that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":504.16,"endTime":507.49,"body":"you say that Ben because I never"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":504.16,"endTime":507.49,"body":"had like this prayer that I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":507.49,"endTime":509.92,"body":"like, here's my, here's the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":507.49,"endTime":509.92,"body":"deal. God, I'm gonna do this,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":509.92,"endTime":513.49,"body":"and you're gonna do it. It was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":509.92,"endTime":513.49,"body":"like so unspoken. That's not why"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":513.49,"endTime":515.86,"body":"I went on a mission, but I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":513.49,"endTime":515.86,"body":"sure that that would be the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":515.86,"endTime":517.03,"body":"outcome. Mm hmm."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":517.12,"endTime":519.31,"body":"Yeah, I was the same way."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":517.12,"endTime":519.31,"body":"And, you know, they even told us"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":519.31,"endTime":523.12,"body":"like, you live for 20 years, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":519.31,"endTime":523.12,"body":"you give a tithe of your time."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":523.12,"endTime":525.46,"body":"You know, it's obviously it's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":523.12,"endTime":525.46,"body":"viewed so much as like you do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":525.46,"endTime":527.8,"body":"this sacrifice and you get"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":525.46,"endTime":527.8,"body":"blessings for the sacrifice."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":527.83,"endTime":528.22,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":528.37,"endTime":530.53,"body":"Did the two of you tell"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":528.37,"endTime":530.53,"body":"your priesthood leaders before?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":530.59,"endTime":531.58,"body":"No, heavens, no."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":531.94,"endTime":533.26,"body":"No. Are you kidding me?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":533.41,"endTime":537.25,"body":"Okay. Well, I mean, I'm"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":533.41,"endTime":537.25,"body":"curious, right? Because it seems"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":537.25,"endTime":540.16,"body":"like if you had so much anxiety"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":537.25,"endTime":540.16,"body":"around this, then it's like,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":540.16,"endTime":542.56,"body":"well why not get a priesthood"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":540.16,"endTime":542.56,"body":"leader to tell you yes or no"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":542.56,"endTime":544.75,"body":"was-- I mean, tell me a little"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":542.56,"endTime":544.75,"body":"bit about why you decided not"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":544.75,"endTime":544.96,"body":"to?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":545.02,"endTime":546.76,"body":"Well, there was no way I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":545.02,"endTime":546.76,"body":"could tell anyone because it was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":546.76,"endTime":549.04,"body":"just a phase. So why would it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":546.76,"endTime":549.04,"body":"tell me when this awful phase?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":549.07,"endTime":550.96,"body":"That's kind of what I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":549.07,"endTime":550.96,"body":"was thinking too. I was like, if"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":550.96,"endTime":553.0,"body":"it's gonna be fixed in two years"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":550.96,"endTime":553.0,"body":"anyway, what's the point of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":553.0,"endTime":554.29,"body":"bringing it up and causing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":553.0,"endTime":554.29,"body":"drama?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":554.35,"endTime":556.51,"body":"Exactly. Then what if they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":554.35,"endTime":556.51,"body":"told someone that someone else"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":556.51,"endTime":558.28,"body":"found out then I would die"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":556.51,"endTime":558.28,"body":"literally die?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":558.28,"endTime":559.06,"body":"Terrible?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":559.15,"endTime":560.05,"body":"Oh, no."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":560.95,"endTime":562.42,"body":"No, I was too ashamed to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":560.95,"endTime":562.42,"body":"tell anybody."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":562.96,"endTime":563.92,"body":"We had so much shame."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":566.44,"endTime":569.08,"body":"Yeah, but it wasn't. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":566.44,"endTime":569.08,"body":"remember this specific moment"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":569.08,"endTime":571.18,"body":"getting home from my a mission,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":569.08,"endTime":571.18,"body":"like three days after I got home"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":571.21,"endTime":573.79,"body":"and just realized I was still"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":571.21,"endTime":573.79,"body":"gay, and actually like saying to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":573.79,"endTime":577.33,"body":"myself, it didn't work. And then"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":573.79,"endTime":577.33,"body":"yeah, that's a whole other"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":577.33,"endTime":579.64,"body":"story. But yeah, but I really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":577.33,"endTime":579.64,"body":"thought that's how the mission"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":579.64,"endTime":580.03,"body":"works."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":580.69,"endTime":582.55,"body":"I mean, so when you were"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":580.69,"endTime":582.55,"body":"on your mission, though, did you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":582.55,"endTime":586.9,"body":"share anything--I mean, at any"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":582.55,"endTime":586.9,"body":"point, did you share anything"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":586.9,"endTime":590.68,"body":"about your orientation or your"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":586.9,"endTime":590.68,"body":"same sex--not with companions"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":590.68,"endTime":591.01,"body":"or...?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":591.13,"endTime":592.24,"body":"Not even, no!"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":592.33,"endTime":593.62,"body":"Never. No."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":593.74,"endTime":595.33,"body":"Do you wish that you had?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":595.0,"endTime":597.1,"body":"Here's the deal. I will"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":595.0,"endTime":597.1,"body":"say there is-- and I talked"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":597.1,"endTime":601.21,"body":"about this in my book a little"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":597.1,"endTime":601.21,"body":"bit--for me, my mission In a way"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":601.21,"endTime":605.44,"body":"I did, because a lot of my, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":601.21,"endTime":605.44,"body":"social conditioning was built on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":605.47,"endTime":607.6,"body":"trying to cover up for the fact"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":605.47,"endTime":607.6,"body":"that I was gay, like, I didn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":607.6,"endTime":610.66,"body":"want anybody else to know. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":607.6,"endTime":610.66,"body":"would change the way I acted"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":610.66,"endTime":614.26,"body":"socially, and try to like, put"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":610.66,"endTime":614.26,"body":"on a more masculine front and,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":614.5,"endTime":617.44,"body":"and not talk about things I like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":614.5,"endTime":617.44,"body":"to just really not be myself."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":617.89,"endTime":619.9,"body":"Because I was afraid that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":617.89,"endTime":619.9,"body":"someone was gonna, like, label"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":619.9,"endTime":624.34,"body":"that as girly or gay, and then,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":619.9,"endTime":624.34,"body":"like, get to the truth, which is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":624.34,"endTime":627.79,"body":"that I am gay. The longer I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":624.34,"endTime":627.79,"body":"serve the mission, the more that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":627.79,"endTime":631.93,"body":"like that social pressure fell"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":627.79,"endTime":631.93,"body":"off of me, because when you're a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":631.93,"endTime":635.14,"body":"missionary, you're just like, a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":631.93,"endTime":635.14,"body":"missionary. And I don't know,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":635.17,"endTime":638.05,"body":"there's like it, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":635.17,"endTime":638.05,"body":"missionaries are weird, right?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":638.26,"endTime":642.34,"body":"So, so like, members in the ward"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":638.26,"endTime":642.34,"body":"weren't like, oh, there's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":642.55,"endTime":646.9,"body":"Charlie. He's acting girly. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":642.55,"endTime":646.9,"body":"wonder if he's gay. They were"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":646.9,"endTime":650.23,"body":"like, oh, there's Charlie, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":646.9,"endTime":650.23,"body":"he's an elder in the ward. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":650.23,"endTime":653.17,"body":"so because I was living free"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":650.23,"endTime":653.17,"body":"from that, like social pressure,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":653.29,"endTime":656.17,"body":"I was able to start being myself"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":653.29,"endTime":656.17,"body":"a lot more. So while I never"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":656.17,"endTime":660.1,"body":"really told anybody that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":656.17,"endTime":660.1,"body":"anything about my orientation, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":660.1,"endTime":663.22,"body":"definitely became a lot more"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":660.1,"endTime":663.22,"body":"comfortable in my own skin, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":663.22,"endTime":667.15,"body":"things that I previously"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":663.22,"endTime":667.15,"body":"wouldn't have done like art and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":667.15,"endTime":671.2,"body":"decorate things. And just, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":667.15,"endTime":671.2,"body":"don't know, just part of that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":671.2,"endTime":673.96,"body":"like, like more feminine sides"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":671.2,"endTime":673.96,"body":"of my personality, I was a lot"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":673.96,"endTime":676.12,"body":"more comfortable sharing,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":673.96,"endTime":676.12,"body":"because I didn't think people"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":676.12,"endTime":677.17,"body":"would tag me as gay."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":677.32,"endTime":677.74,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":677.77,"endTime":680.11,"body":"And as I did that, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":677.77,"endTime":680.11,"body":"realized that the more myself I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":680.11,"endTime":682.69,"body":"was, the more I connected with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":680.11,"endTime":682.69,"body":"other people, the more I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":682.69,"endTime":686.77,"body":"able to, like, emulate the love"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":682.69,"endTime":686.77,"body":"of Christ and, and really be an"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":686.77,"endTime":689.92,"body":"instrument and a tool in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":686.77,"endTime":689.92,"body":"Lord's hands. It was almost like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":689.92,"endTime":692.59,"body":"a practice coming out for me,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":689.92,"endTime":692.59,"body":"because I came out with my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":692.59,"endTime":695.98,"body":"personality first, on my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":692.59,"endTime":695.98,"body":"mission. And I think that really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":695.98,"endTime":699.73,"body":"prepared me to come out with my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":695.98,"endTime":699.73,"body":"orientation after my mission."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":700.08,"endTime":700.56,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":700.77,"endTime":703.8,"body":"I had a very similar"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":700.77,"endTime":703.8,"body":"experience where I felt like I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":703.8,"endTime":706.02,"body":"could just be myself on the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":703.8,"endTime":706.02,"body":"mission, it was really, really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":706.02,"endTime":709.56,"body":"nice, actually. Because there's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":706.02,"endTime":709.56,"body":"no pressure to talk about girls"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":709.56,"endTime":712.5,"body":"or date or anything like that."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":709.56,"endTime":712.5,"body":"There was just a lot of that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":712.5,"endTime":715.89,"body":"pressure just was gone. And so I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":712.5,"endTime":715.89,"body":"was able to just be who I felt I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":715.89,"endTime":717.33,"body":"wanted to be or who I was."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":718.05,"endTime":720.45,"body":"Charlie, you like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":718.05,"endTime":720.45,"body":"mentioned that you said that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":720.45,"endTime":725.04,"body":"there is a kind of a safety,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":720.45,"endTime":725.04,"body":"right? In being a missionary, so"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":725.04,"endTime":729.12,"body":"that you could be more of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":725.04,"endTime":729.12,"body":"yourself? Looking back at it, is"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":729.12,"endTime":731.76,"body":"there a time that you wished"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":729.12,"endTime":731.76,"body":"maybe you would have been all of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":731.76,"endTime":734.7,"body":"yourself or at least maybe have"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":731.76,"endTime":734.7,"body":"the language or the confidence"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":734.7,"endTime":738.24,"body":"or the comfortability to share"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":734.7,"endTime":738.24,"body":"this element of yourself with"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":738.27,"endTime":740.61,"body":"maybe some of your investigators"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":738.27,"endTime":740.61,"body":"or board members?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":740.9,"endTime":743.33,"body":"Yeah, I think so. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":740.9,"endTime":743.33,"body":"I think if I was to re-serve a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":743.33,"endTime":746.42,"body":"mission right now, I would be so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":743.33,"endTime":746.42,"body":"much better. But at the same"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":746.42,"endTime":748.97,"body":"time, like, I didn't know that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":746.42,"endTime":748.97,"body":"yet, I didn't have that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":748.97,"endTime":751.91,"body":"experience. So I can't really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":748.97,"endTime":751.91,"body":"like retrospectively say, I wish"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":751.91,"endTime":752.93,"body":"I would have done it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":751.91,"endTime":752.93,"body":"differently,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":752.96,"endTime":753.32,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":753.35,"endTime":755.36,"body":"Because that's the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":753.35,"endTime":755.36,"body":"experience I needed for my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":755.36,"endTime":757.04,"body":"growth to get me to where I am"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":755.36,"endTime":757.04,"body":"now."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":757.21,"endTime":759.49,"body":"Yeah, I feel exactly the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":757.21,"endTime":759.49,"body":"same. Like, I don't wish I had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":759.49,"endTime":761.38,"body":"done it any differently or I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":759.49,"endTime":761.38,"body":"wish I had been open about my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":761.38,"endTime":763.72,"body":"orientation, because there's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":761.38,"endTime":763.72,"body":"just honestly, it wasn't that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":763.72,"endTime":766.48,"body":"much on my radar. It was just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":763.72,"endTime":766.48,"body":"like, for those two years, it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":766.48,"endTime":767.65,"body":"wasn't a super big deal."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":767.699,"endTime":770.009,"body":"Well, and the thing is,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":767.699,"endTime":770.009,"body":"like part of what I wanted was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":770.009,"endTime":772.439,"body":"to feel like I was in the right"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":770.009,"endTime":772.439,"body":"place at the right time. For"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":772.439,"endTime":774.929,"body":"those two years that I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":772.439,"endTime":774.929,"body":"serving as a missionary, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":774.929,"endTime":778.139,"body":"every day, I knew I was doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":774.929,"endTime":778.139,"body":"what I was supposed to be doing."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":778.139,"endTime":781.499,"body":"And I was where I felt I needed"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":778.139,"endTime":781.499,"body":"to be. And so I could kind of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":781.499,"endTime":783.929,"body":"take a break from like thinking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":781.499,"endTime":783.929,"body":"about the future, which is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":783.929,"endTime":787.229,"body":"something that always haunted me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":783.929,"endTime":787.229,"body":"growing up. And like for those"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":787.229,"endTime":789.929,"body":"two years, I was able to just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":787.229,"endTime":789.929,"body":"really focus on the now. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":789.929,"endTime":792.899,"body":"that was so like, it was so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":789.929,"endTime":792.899,"body":"nice."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":793.35,"endTime":795.9,"body":"I mean, so I haven't, of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":793.35,"endTime":795.9,"body":"course served a mission since my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":795.9,"endTime":799.5,"body":"mission. But but I have had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":795.9,"endTime":799.5,"body":"missionary like assignments. in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":799.5,"endTime":802.23,"body":"Tucson, I was the word mission"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":799.5,"endTime":802.23,"body":"leader in my last ward there."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":802.53,"endTime":806.64,"body":"And I remember having to have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":802.53,"endTime":806.64,"body":"this battle when I would go out"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":806.64,"endTime":808.8,"body":"with a missionary to teach"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":806.64,"endTime":808.8,"body":"investigators because they would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":808.8,"endTime":811.35,"body":"like ask about my personal life."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":808.8,"endTime":811.35,"body":"And they would ask if I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":811.35,"endTime":813.99,"body":"married. I thought, well, if I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":811.35,"endTime":813.99,"body":"tell them I'm gay, then they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":813.99,"endTime":817.68,"body":"might think that the church is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":813.99,"endTime":817.68,"body":"really LGBTQ affirming. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":817.68,"endTime":819.99,"body":"don't want to give them a false"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":817.68,"endTime":819.99,"body":"impression that if they're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":819.99,"endTime":822.78,"body":"really conservative, they might"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":819.99,"endTime":822.78,"body":"be turned off by having a gay"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":822.78,"endTime":825.81,"body":"person come into their house to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":822.78,"endTime":825.81,"body":"teach them the gospel. So I kind"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":825.81,"endTime":828.96,"body":"of had this battle, do I tell"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":825.81,"endTime":828.96,"body":"them do I not tell them? And it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":828.96,"endTime":832.5,"body":"would end up that every time I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":828.96,"endTime":832.5,"body":"told them, and that was exactly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":832.5,"endTime":834.99,"body":"the right choice for me in my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":832.5,"endTime":834.99,"body":"life at that time. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":834.99,"endTime":837.87,"body":"remember one investigator we had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":834.99,"endTime":837.87,"body":"when I was Ward mission leader,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":838.02,"endTime":841.02,"body":"after I came out to him--just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":838.02,"endTime":841.02,"body":"like in passing in a lesson--he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":841.38,"endTime":843.27,"body":"got my number from the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":841.38,"endTime":843.27,"body":"missionaries that night, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":843.27,"endTime":845.13,"body":"then called me because he had a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":843.27,"endTime":845.13,"body":"bunch of questions. And we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":845.13,"endTime":847.2,"body":"talked for like an hour. And it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":845.13,"endTime":847.2,"body":"was just like this really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":847.2,"endTime":849.9,"body":"beautiful experience. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":847.2,"endTime":849.9,"body":"actually, the day I was called"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":849.9,"endTime":852.75,"body":"to be Ward mission leader, I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":849.9,"endTime":852.75,"body":"brand new in this ward. I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":852.75,"endTime":856.59,"body":"sustained and I gave a talk and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":852.75,"endTime":856.59,"body":"I came out in my talk. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":856.59,"endTime":858.51,"body":"learned this story later, there"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":856.59,"endTime":858.51,"body":"was an investigator at church,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":858.51,"endTime":861.93,"body":"who was there for the first"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":858.51,"endTime":861.93,"body":"time. And he had just gotten out"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":861.93,"endTime":864.99,"body":"of prison and had a lot of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":861.93,"endTime":864.99,"body":"tattoos. And he wasn't sure that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":864.99,"endTime":867.51,"body":"he'd be welcomed in a Latter-day"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":864.99,"endTime":867.51,"body":"Saint congregation. And they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":867.51,"endTime":869.85,"body":"said that when I came out, he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":867.51,"endTime":869.85,"body":"looked around the congregation"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":869.85,"endTime":872.94,"body":"to see how people were reacting."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":869.85,"endTime":872.94,"body":"They said all he saw were nods"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":872.94,"endTime":875.22,"body":"and smiles and that's when he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":872.94,"endTime":875.22,"body":"knew that he could belong there."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":875.4,"endTime":875.79,"body":"Hmm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":875.85,"endTime":876.81,"body":"That's really cool."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":877.11,"endTime":879.54,"body":"Going back in time, I don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":877.11,"endTime":879.54,"body":"think I was capable of being"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":879.54,"endTime":882.57,"body":"like, who I was and what my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":879.54,"endTime":882.57,"body":"worldview was. I don't think I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":882.6,"endTime":884.28,"body":"could have come out. I don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":882.6,"endTime":884.28,"body":"think it would have been the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":884.28,"endTime":886.32,"body":"right thing for me. But now"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":884.28,"endTime":886.32,"body":"totally."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":886.36,"endTime":889.15,"body":"You know what I will"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":886.36,"endTime":889.15,"body":"say though, is advice going"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":889.15,"endTime":893.26,"body":"forward? I would not advise"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":889.15,"endTime":893.26,"body":"people to do what I did. You"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":893.26,"endTime":896.41,"body":"know, like staying quiet about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":893.26,"endTime":896.41,"body":"it and living in those fears and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":896.41,"endTime":900.28,"body":"like kind of developing those"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":896.41,"endTime":900.28,"body":"fears by myself alone was really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":900.34,"endTime":903.91,"body":"tough, and it put me in like a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":900.34,"endTime":903.91,"body":"really compromising emotional"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":903.91,"endTime":908.92,"body":"situation occasionally. And so I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":903.91,"endTime":908.92,"body":"would not--like we try not to,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":908.92,"endTime":912.07,"body":"like tell people what to do, but"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":908.92,"endTime":912.07,"body":"advice I give to friends who ask"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":912.07,"endTime":915.37,"body":"me LGBTQ people who are thinking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":912.07,"endTime":915.37,"body":"about serving missions, I think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":915.37,"endTime":918.07,"body":"you should definitely be open,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":915.37,"endTime":918.07,"body":"because it just makes things so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":918.07,"endTime":920.83,"body":"much easier. And then the things"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":918.07,"endTime":920.83,"body":"you're worried about, like, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":920.83,"endTime":923.47,"body":"can like set parameters or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":920.83,"endTime":923.47,"body":"boundaries, and like, have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":923.47,"endTime":926.62,"body":"people on your team, I think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":923.47,"endTime":926.62,"body":"it's very healthy to go into a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":926.62,"endTime":930.16,"body":"mission having your church"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":926.62,"endTime":930.16,"body":"leaders and your investigators"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":930.16,"endTime":933.31,"body":"know your orientation. It"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":930.16,"endTime":933.31,"body":"normalizes the experience."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":933.64,"endTime":937.42,"body":"There's totally other elders and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":933.64,"endTime":937.42,"body":"sisters in the mission who are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":937.42,"endTime":941.38,"body":"also LGBTQ. And like, you can be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":937.42,"endTime":941.38,"body":"a source of like support and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":941.38,"endTime":944.89,"body":"comfort for them. And I just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":941.38,"endTime":944.89,"body":"think it like lifts everyone as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":944.89,"endTime":948.37,"body":"we honor our diversity in that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":944.89,"endTime":948.37,"body":"sphere."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":949.06,"endTime":952.06,"body":"I agree with that and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":949.06,"endTime":952.06,"body":"like, from everything that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":952.06,"endTime":954.79,"body":"you're saying, and with this,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":952.06,"endTime":954.79,"body":"right, that like coming out is"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":954.79,"endTime":957.94,"body":"like a deeply personal thing,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":954.79,"endTime":957.94,"body":"right? And I think this is a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":957.94,"endTime":961.33,"body":"good opportunity to do a little"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":957.94,"endTime":961.33,"body":"bit of like, Mormon myth busting"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":961.33,"endTime":964.39,"body":"right now at this moment, right?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":961.33,"endTime":964.39,"body":"If we're talking to young Ben"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":964.39,"endTime":967.21,"body":"Schilaty, and young Charlie"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":964.39,"endTime":967.21,"body":"Bird, we can tell them a few"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":967.21,"endTime":970.87,"body":"things. First of all, like your"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":967.21,"endTime":970.87,"body":"orientation, and your gender"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":970.87,"endTime":974.59,"body":"identity does not disqualify you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":970.87,"endTime":974.59,"body":"from serving the mission."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":974.62,"endTime":975.1,"body":"Definitely."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":975.0,"endTime":977.16,"body":"It does not disqualify"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":975.0,"endTime":977.16,"body":"you from being able to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":977.16,"endTime":980.67,"body":"contribute in powerful ways. It"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":977.16,"endTime":980.67,"body":"does not disqualify you from"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":980.67,"endTime":983.64,"body":"being able to connect with"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":980.67,"endTime":983.64,"body":"people and looking at like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":983.64,"endTime":986.04,"body":"Charlie's experiences and things"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":983.64,"endTime":986.04,"body":"that he's learned, I think it'd"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":986.04,"endTime":989.55,"body":"be perhaps safe to say that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":986.04,"endTime":989.55,"body":"bringing our whole selves as"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":989.55,"endTime":992.25,"body":"much as we can to whatever it is"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":989.55,"endTime":992.25,"body":"that we're doing is always a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":992.25,"endTime":995.55,"body":"good thing to do. Right? And"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":992.25,"endTime":995.55,"body":"when I have been looking at the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":995.55,"endTime":998.43,"body":"missionaries that are most"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":995.55,"endTime":998.43,"body":"successful in the field, when I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":998.43,"endTime":1001.1,"body":"say \"most successful,\" I'm not"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":998.43,"endTime":1001.1,"body":"talking about baptisms, I'm"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1001.1,"endTime":1004.22,"body":"talking about people that look"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1001.1,"endTime":1004.22,"body":"happy, people that are genuinely"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1004.22,"endTime":1008.03,"body":"happy and like successful, it's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1004.22,"endTime":1008.03,"body":"that they are bringing all of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1008.03,"endTime":1011.18,"body":"themselves. There's some really"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1008.03,"endTime":1011.18,"body":"cool things that are happening"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1011.18,"endTime":1014.12,"body":"in missionary work right now"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1011.18,"endTime":1014.12,"body":"because of Coronavirus. And if"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1014.12,"endTime":1017.03,"body":"you go on any social media"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1014.12,"endTime":1017.03,"body":"platform, you can see these"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1017.03,"endTime":1019.7,"body":"really cute and I maybe"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1017.03,"endTime":1019.7,"body":"shouldn't use \"cute\" these"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1019.7,"endTime":1024.47,"body":"really wonderful videos of these"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1019.7,"endTime":1024.47,"body":"missionaries, using the tools"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1024.47,"endTime":1026.63,"body":"that are given to themselves and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1024.47,"endTime":1026.63,"body":"finding ways to let their"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1026.63,"endTime":1029.24,"body":"personality be represented in"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1026.63,"endTime":1029.24,"body":"that because they can't be with"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1029.24,"endTime":1032.69,"body":"the people. And maybe they're"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1029.24,"endTime":1032.69,"body":"singing, or maybe they're"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1032.69,"endTime":1036.32,"body":"dancing. I saw a set of sisters"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1032.69,"endTime":1036.32,"body":"is dancing, and it was like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1036.35,"endTime":1040.37,"body":"beautiful and sacred. And as I'm"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1036.35,"endTime":1040.37,"body":"looking at that and kind of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1040.37,"endTime":1043.22,"body":"trying to like segment out this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1040.37,"endTime":1043.22,"body":"phenomenon that's happening,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1043.22,"endTime":1045.08,"body":"right? Because I see the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1043.22,"endTime":1045.08,"body":"response, you know, they have"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1045.08,"endTime":1047.48,"body":"hundreds of thousands of views"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1045.08,"endTime":1047.48,"body":"or people are connecting with"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1047.48,"endTime":1050.54,"body":"them, not just members of the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1047.48,"endTime":1050.54,"body":"church. They're like, Oh, it's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1050.54,"endTime":1054.95,"body":"because they woke up that day as"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1050.54,"endTime":1054.95,"body":"Elder Smith or as Sister Jones"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1054.95,"endTime":1058.85,"body":"and said, \"What do I like? What"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1054.95,"endTime":1058.85,"body":"can I bring to the table? What"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1058.85,"endTime":1061.73,"body":"do I think and believe? And what"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1058.85,"endTime":1061.73,"body":"does that have to do with my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1061.73,"endTime":1064.61,"body":"work now? You know, what are the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1061.73,"endTime":1064.61,"body":"skills that I have?\" And I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1064.61,"endTime":1068.96,"body":"think, for me, as I observed,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1064.61,"endTime":1068.96,"body":"like the power and importance of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1068.96,"endTime":1072.8,"body":"like great missionary work, it's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1068.96,"endTime":1072.8,"body":"understanding how to direct that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1072.8,"endTime":1075.29,"body":"and having the faith to believe"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1072.8,"endTime":1075.29,"body":"that the Lord will sanctify"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1075.29,"endTime":1078.53,"body":"that. But like, I would think it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1075.29,"endTime":1078.53,"body":"would be incredible to see a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1078.53,"endTime":1080.9,"body":"young Ben Schilaty to be able to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1078.53,"endTime":1080.9,"body":"say like Elder Ben Schilaty"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1080.9,"endTime":1083.24,"body":"like, yeah, to bring all of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1080.9,"endTime":1083.24,"body":"himself."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1083.27,"endTime":1084.74,"body":"I think that would have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1083.27,"endTime":1084.74,"body":"been such a beautiful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1084.74,"endTime":1088.13,"body":"experience. And just, that just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1084.74,"endTime":1088.13,"body":"wasn't the world I could have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1088.13,"endTime":1088.49,"body":"lived in."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1088.57,"endTime":1091.09,"body":"Right. I do think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1088.57,"endTime":1091.09,"body":"that's the world people can live"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1091.09,"endTime":1093.82,"body":"in now, though, or at least I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1091.09,"endTime":1093.82,"body":"hope so. So I'm hoping that this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1093.82,"endTime":1098.23,"body":"new generation of missionaries,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1093.82,"endTime":1098.23,"body":"like 17-18 year old LGBTQ people"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1098.5,"endTime":1101.2,"body":"can do that and really own who"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1098.5,"endTime":1101.2,"body":"they are and connect with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1101.2,"endTime":1101.56,"body":"people."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1102.22,"endTime":1104.74,"body":"Yeah. And I think that the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1102.22,"endTime":1104.74,"body":"danger would be if we felt like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1104.74,"endTime":1106.84,"body":"we couldn't or shouldn't bring"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1104.74,"endTime":1106.84,"body":"our whole selves."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1106.87,"endTime":1107.38,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1107.92,"endTime":1111.58,"body":"And, like if I had felt"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1107.92,"endTime":1111.58,"body":"that confidence, and had felt"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1111.73,"endTime":1115.6,"body":"that, like even the possibility,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1111.73,"endTime":1115.6,"body":"yeah, I wonder how things would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1115.6,"endTime":1116.44,"body":"have been different? I don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1115.6,"endTime":1116.44,"body":"know."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1116.95,"endTime":1119.32,"body":"Can I ask you the two of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1116.95,"endTime":1119.32,"body":"you a question about mission?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1119.59,"endTime":1120.64,"body":"Continuing interviewing us"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1119.59,"endTime":1120.64,"body":"Sarah."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1121.09,"endTime":1121.87,"body":"Well, I mean..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1121.93,"endTime":1123.13,"body":"I love how you're the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1121.93,"endTime":1123.13,"body":"interviewer."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1123.13,"endTime":1124.51,"body":"I am just like, curious,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1123.13,"endTime":1124.51,"body":"right?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1124.51,"endTime":1126.31,"body":"Welcome to questions"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1124.51,"endTime":1126.31,"body":"from the closet, we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1126.31,"endTime":1127.21,"body":"make you a co-host."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1127.0,"endTime":1129.94,"body":"I would love that. I'm"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1127.0,"endTime":1129.94,"body":"thinking a little bit about like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1129.94,"endTime":1132.01,"body":"the element of sacrifice in this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1129.94,"endTime":1132.01,"body":"because that's what I've been"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1132.04,"endTime":1134.86,"body":"thinking about. And I know"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1132.04,"endTime":1134.86,"body":"missionary work has evolved"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1134.86,"endTime":1137.38,"body":"quite a bit and like people can"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1134.86,"endTime":1137.38,"body":"call their families every week."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1137.38,"endTime":1141.04,"body":"And maybe this homesickness has"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1137.38,"endTime":1141.04,"body":"been mitigated a little bit. Was"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1141.04,"endTime":1143.8,"body":"there any element as you were"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1141.04,"endTime":1143.8,"body":"approaching your missions that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1143.8,"endTime":1146.44,"body":"you're like, I'm making a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1143.8,"endTime":1146.44,"body":"sacrifice, you know, or that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1146.44,"endTime":1148.06,"body":"there's a sacrifice in this?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1148.27,"endTime":1149.77,"body":"Yes. 100%"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1149.83,"endTime":1151.0,"body":"What was the sacrifice?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1151.39,"endTime":1156.19,"body":"Like time, you know, giving"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1151.39,"endTime":1156.19,"body":"up two years of my life. I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1156.19,"endTime":1158.68,"body":"that was really the only thing."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1156.19,"endTime":1158.68,"body":"I mean, I love my family, but I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1158.68,"endTime":1162.61,"body":"do well, far away from them. So"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1158.68,"endTime":1162.61,"body":"it didn't, I didn't, I was never"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1162.61,"endTime":1163.9,"body":"really homesick on my mission."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1164.47,"endTime":1165.31,"body":"What about you, Charlie?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1165.34,"endTime":1167.35,"body":"For me, it was family."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1165.34,"endTime":1167.35,"body":"I really, really missed my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1167.35,"endTime":1169.21,"body":"family. I wanted to be with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1167.35,"endTime":1169.21,"body":"them. And there were a lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1169.21,"endTime":1171.58,"body":"changes in my family dynamic"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1169.21,"endTime":1171.58,"body":"while I was gone, and that was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1171.61,"endTime":1172.33,"body":"really hard."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1172.87,"endTime":1174.7,"body":"How do you feel like you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1172.87,"endTime":1174.7,"body":"would articulate like, what"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1174.7,"endTime":1177.43,"body":"sacrifices is? Or it like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1174.7,"endTime":1177.43,"body":"sacrifice of something? It's a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1177.43,"endTime":1180.64,"body":"topic that I don't observe very"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1177.43,"endTime":1180.64,"body":"many people feeling comfortable"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1180.64,"endTime":1184.06,"body":"with in this space, right? I've"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1180.64,"endTime":1184.06,"body":"been thinking about like, what"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1184.06,"endTime":1186.64,"body":"does sacrifice mean, in this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1184.06,"endTime":1186.64,"body":"space and like, what is good"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1186.64,"endTime":1187.3,"body":"sacrifice?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1187.66,"endTime":1189.19,"body":"I have a thought about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1187.66,"endTime":1189.19,"body":"that. I was actually talking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1189.19,"endTime":1191.8,"body":"with a friend the other day"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1189.19,"endTime":1191.8,"body":"about how sometimes I feel that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1191.8,"endTime":1195.4,"body":"like in order to sacrifice or in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1191.8,"endTime":1195.4,"body":"order to like, be good enough"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1195.4,"endTime":1199.33,"body":"for God, I have to be sad. Maybe"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1195.4,"endTime":1199.33,"body":"y'all are familiar with this and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1199.33,"endTime":1202.48,"body":"can help me kind of like put it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1199.33,"endTime":1202.48,"body":"into better words. But the older"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1202.48,"endTime":1205.36,"body":"I get, the more I learned that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1202.48,"endTime":1205.36,"body":"that's not true. Like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1205.36,"endTime":1208.3,"body":"have to punish myself in order"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1205.36,"endTime":1208.3,"body":"to be like pious enough to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1208.3,"endTime":1211.06,"body":"receive an added measure of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1208.3,"endTime":1211.06,"body":"spirituality to be able to help"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1211.06,"endTime":1211.51,"body":"people."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1211.57,"endTime":1211.87,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1211.87,"endTime":1214.36,"body":"Like, in fact, the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1211.87,"endTime":1214.36,"body":"opposite for me is true, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1214.36,"endTime":1217.27,"body":"the happier I am, the more"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1214.36,"endTime":1217.27,"body":"confident I am., that's when I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1217.27,"endTime":1219.49,"body":"can actually make real"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1217.27,"endTime":1219.49,"body":"difference, you know,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1220.12,"endTime":1223.45,"body":"It's like sacrifice does"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1220.12,"endTime":1223.45,"body":"not necessarily mean pain."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1223.99,"endTime":1225.58,"body":"Right? It doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1223.99,"endTime":1225.58,"body":"pain."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1225.64,"endTime":1227.5,"body":"Well, I think a higher"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1225.64,"endTime":1227.5,"body":"version of sacrifice would be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1227.53,"endTime":1228.31,"body":"consecration."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1228.34,"endTime":1228.76,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1228.78,"endTime":1233.91,"body":"So like, to me, it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1228.78,"endTime":1233.91,"body":"like I was losing my time, I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1234.12,"endTime":1237.72,"body":"giving my time. And the way that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1234.12,"endTime":1237.72,"body":"to build the kingdom, like in a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1237.72,"endTime":1239.85,"body":"way that felt that I felt called"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1237.72,"endTime":1239.85,"body":"to do."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1239.96,"endTime":1241.76,"body":"Well. And that's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1239.96,"endTime":1241.76,"body":"beautiful. Because, you know, we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1241.76,"endTime":1244.46,"body":"are called to consecrate our"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1241.76,"endTime":1244.46,"body":"time and our talents and our"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1244.46,"endTime":1247.31,"body":"efforts to building the kingdom"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1244.46,"endTime":1247.31,"body":"of God. And isn't being"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1247.31,"endTime":1251.81,"body":"yourself, as you do that, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1247.31,"endTime":1251.81,"body":"how you fulfill that covenant?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1252.08,"endTime":1255.23,"body":"Like, if my time yeah, that's,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1252.08,"endTime":1255.23,"body":"that's whatever, however long"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1255.23,"endTime":1258.38,"body":"the mission time is for, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1255.23,"endTime":1258.38,"body":"guess, lifelong, you know,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1258.38,"endTime":1260.45,"body":"because we're always supposed to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1258.38,"endTime":1260.45,"body":"have a missionary mindset. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1260.45,"endTime":1264.5,"body":"like our talents and our"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1260.45,"endTime":1264.5,"body":"efforts, there's such a personal"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1264.5,"endTime":1268.19,"body":"component to that. And if we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1264.5,"endTime":1268.19,"body":"stifling ourselves in a way, or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1268.19,"endTime":1271.01,"body":"like trying to lie or pretend to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1268.19,"endTime":1271.01,"body":"be someone we're not, we are not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1271.04,"endTime":1273.05,"body":"able to keep our covenants."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1273.59,"endTime":1275.27,"body":"This isn't about being on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1273.59,"endTime":1275.27,"body":"full time mission. But I've had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1275.27,"endTime":1278.21,"body":"this really interesting"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1275.27,"endTime":1278.21,"body":"realization as I've like, in my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1278.21,"endTime":1281.57,"body":"30s, since I've started blogging"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1278.21,"endTime":1281.57,"body":"about being gay, and I realized"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1281.57,"endTime":1284.24,"body":"that the main--and I give, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1281.57,"endTime":1284.24,"body":"know, firesides, and 5th Sunday"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1284.24,"endTime":1287.57,"body":"lessons about same sex"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1284.24,"endTime":1287.57,"body":"attraction--and I found that,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1287.57,"endTime":1289.79,"body":"like, my orientation has become"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1287.57,"endTime":1289.79,"body":"the main vehicle through which I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1289.79,"endTime":1294.08,"body":"bear my testimony. And like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1289.79,"endTime":1294.08,"body":"what a weird turn of events I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1294.08,"endTime":1297.53,"body":"never would have expected that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1294.08,"endTime":1297.53,"body":"to be. But but you know, you're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1297.53,"endTime":1299.78,"body":"exactly right, Charlie, like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1297.53,"endTime":1299.78,"body":"when we bring our whole selves,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1299.81,"endTime":1302.42,"body":"that's how we're actually able"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1299.81,"endTime":1302.42,"body":"to consecrate our lives to God."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1303.2,"endTime":1305.54,"body":"I love that. I mean, I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1303.2,"endTime":1305.54,"body":"look at the shift again, from"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1305.66,"endTime":1308.0,"body":"the transformation from"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1305.66,"endTime":1308.0,"body":"sacrifice to consecration."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1308.9,"endTime":1311.3,"body":"Something that's so incredible,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1308.9,"endTime":1311.3,"body":"something that I mourned quite a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1311.3,"endTime":1315.8,"body":"bit in not serving the mission"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1311.3,"endTime":1315.8,"body":"is that there would never be"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1315.8,"endTime":1318.14,"body":"another time and another"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1315.8,"endTime":1318.14,"body":"opportunity that I could"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1318.14,"endTime":1322.97,"body":"imagine, where for 18 months, I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1318.14,"endTime":1322.97,"body":"could devote my entire life, my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1322.97,"endTime":1328.97,"body":"purpose to helping other people."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1322.97,"endTime":1328.97,"body":"And my version of missionary"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1328.97,"endTime":1333.26,"body":"work, it's not what missionary"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1328.97,"endTime":1333.26,"body":"work always looks like, my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1333.26,"endTime":1336.02,"body":"parents served, my dad served in"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1333.26,"endTime":1336.02,"body":"Argentina, my dad, my mom served"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1336.02,"endTime":1339.17,"body":"in Spain, and they had these"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1336.02,"endTime":1339.17,"body":"incredible stories of walking"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1339.17,"endTime":1341.99,"body":"along the road. And like feeling"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1339.17,"endTime":1341.99,"body":"prompted to talk to someone to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1342.05,"endTime":1346.01,"body":"carry their bags, or, you know,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1342.05,"endTime":1346.01,"body":"rake their yard and just how"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1346.01,"endTime":1349.58,"body":"these like acts of service first"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1346.01,"endTime":1349.58,"body":"being led by, you know,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1349.58,"endTime":1354.02,"body":"developing like an eye to see"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1349.58,"endTime":1354.02,"body":"Christ reflected in all people"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1354.02,"endTime":1358.04,"body":"and then having, like, the extra"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1354.02,"endTime":1358.04,"body":"calling and mantle to meet that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1358.19,"endTime":1360.98,"body":"was just so incredible to me."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1358.19,"endTime":1360.98,"body":"And just like because I, as I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1360.98,"endTime":1364.7,"body":"considered like this mantle,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1360.98,"endTime":1364.7,"body":"just like, wow, like, I want"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1364.7,"endTime":1367.49,"body":"that so bad. Like, I want to be"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1364.7,"endTime":1367.49,"body":"able to do that so bad. And it"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1367.49,"endTime":1371.27,"body":"was so hard to say, you know"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1367.49,"endTime":1371.27,"body":"what? No, like, this isn't it's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1371.33,"endTime":1375.2,"body":"not what Heavenly Father wants"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1371.33,"endTime":1375.2,"body":"me to do. And..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1375.29,"endTime":1377.96,"body":"So Sarah, part of your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1375.29,"endTime":1377.96,"body":"consecration was not doing this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1378.08,"endTime":1380.9,"body":"adventure that you had heard"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1378.08,"endTime":1380.9,"body":"about your whole life."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1380.99,"endTime":1384.23,"body":"And I think that maybe"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1380.99,"endTime":1384.23,"body":"like, one of the great things"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1384.23,"endTime":1388.07,"body":"that came out of this maybe was,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1384.23,"endTime":1388.07,"body":"I needed to get a testimony of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1388.07,"endTime":1391.88,"body":"my ability to contribute, even"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1388.07,"endTime":1391.88,"body":"if my whole life couldn't be"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1391.88,"endTime":1395.21,"body":"about contributions, right? But"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1391.88,"endTime":1395.21,"body":"to maybe find a way to make my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1395.21,"endTime":1398.3,"body":"whole life about contributions"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1395.21,"endTime":1398.3,"body":"that are that maybe like a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1398.3,"endTime":1401.9,"body":"simpler way to say this is that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1398.3,"endTime":1401.9,"body":"I didn't have to, like, leave my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1401.9,"endTime":1404.33,"body":"home to serve, but I could like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1401.9,"endTime":1404.33,"body":"serve in my home, right? Or I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1404.33,"endTime":1407.66,"body":"could serve at my job, I could"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1404.33,"endTime":1407.66,"body":"serve in the grocery store and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1408.02,"endTime":1410.21,"body":"to say, okay, like, if I'm not"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1408.02,"endTime":1410.21,"body":"going to be given that mantle,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1410.24,"endTime":1414.05,"body":"then I'm going to do what I can"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1410.24,"endTime":1414.05,"body":"to develop the eyes to see the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1414.05,"endTime":1416.54,"body":"people that are around me and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1414.05,"endTime":1416.54,"body":"the opportunities that are here."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1416.66,"endTime":1419.9,"body":"And as I look at that, and I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1416.66,"endTime":1419.9,"body":"stand back and look at the 100"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1419.9,"endTime":1423.65,"body":"yard perspective of my life over"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1419.9,"endTime":1423.65,"body":"the last nine years, since I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1423.65,"endTime":1426.59,"body":"didn't didn't make that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1423.65,"endTime":1426.59,"body":"decision, my decision not to go,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1426.83,"endTime":1430.85,"body":"I can see where that mindset"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1426.83,"endTime":1430.85,"body":"came from that. You know, where"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1430.85,"endTime":1433.4,"body":"I said, Okay, if I'm not going"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1430.85,"endTime":1433.4,"body":"to do this, then this is what"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1433.4,"endTime":1436.52,"body":"I'm going to do instead. Because"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1433.4,"endTime":1436.52,"body":"I want a little bit of that if I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1436.52,"endTime":1439.82,"body":"don't get to have that for 18"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1436.52,"endTime":1439.82,"body":"months. And so that's something"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1439.82,"endTime":1443.21,"body":"that I am when I refer to this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1439.82,"endTime":1443.21,"body":"mantle, did you feel that when"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1443.21,"endTime":1444.14,"body":"you were on your mission?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1445.05,"endTime":1449.79,"body":"I did. I think I did."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1445.05,"endTime":1449.79,"body":"Yeah, I so the thing is, one of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1449.79,"endTime":1451.98,"body":"the things I was so worried"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1449.79,"endTime":1451.98,"body":"about was being unable to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1451.98,"endTime":1456.48,"body":"control my sexual appetites as a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1451.98,"endTime":1456.48,"body":"missionary, I was so worried"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1456.48,"endTime":1460.17,"body":"about that going in. But one"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1456.48,"endTime":1460.17,"body":"thing that I realized was, and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1460.17,"endTime":1462.78,"body":"think part of this was just like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1460.17,"endTime":1462.78,"body":"the sacred nature of my calling,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1462.78,"endTime":1467.25,"body":"like, I wasn't focused on dating"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1462.78,"endTime":1467.25,"body":"so or like men or relationships"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1467.25,"endTime":1471.27,"body":"or any of that whatsoever, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1467.25,"endTime":1471.27,"body":"most of the time. And so whereas"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1471.27,"endTime":1473.88,"body":"like before, I was giving it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1471.27,"endTime":1473.88,"body":"like this crazy amount of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1473.88,"endTime":1477.48,"body":"emphasis on like, \"Oh, no, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1473.88,"endTime":1477.48,"body":"I'm gonna be with guys all the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1477.48,"endTime":1479.49,"body":"time. And then I'll probably be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1477.48,"endTime":1479.49,"body":"attracted to one of them.\" Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1479.52,"endTime":1482.46,"body":"I was thinking about it so much."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1479.52,"endTime":1482.46,"body":"When I was actually on my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1482.46,"endTime":1485.85,"body":"mission, and was around"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1482.46,"endTime":1485.85,"body":"attractive guys or was around"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1485.85,"endTime":1488.97,"body":"someone who like I had a crush"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1485.85,"endTime":1488.97,"body":"on I was able to, like, still"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1489.33,"endTime":1493.59,"body":"focus and like, that wasn't a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1489.33,"endTime":1493.59,"body":"distraction to me because God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1493.59,"endTime":1496.26,"body":"didn't let it be a distraction"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1493.59,"endTime":1496.26,"body":"to me like it wasn't supposed to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1496.26,"endTime":1499.41,"body":"be during that time in my life."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1496.26,"endTime":1499.41,"body":"And I didn't want it to be and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1499.41,"endTime":1504.15,"body":"felt like I had Like, a greater"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1499.41,"endTime":1504.15,"body":"capacity to avoid distraction,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1504.3,"endTime":1506.07,"body":"actually just in general, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1504.3,"endTime":1506.07,"body":"know?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1506.25,"endTime":1506.7,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1506.85,"endTime":1508.65,"body":"Yeah, I'd say that's true"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1506.85,"endTime":1508.65,"body":"for me too. I mean, I had a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1508.65,"endTime":1511.41,"body":"couple companions that were very"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1508.65,"endTime":1511.41,"body":"attractive, who I would say"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1511.41,"endTime":1514.53,"body":"definitely had little crushes"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1511.41,"endTime":1514.53,"body":"on. But it wasn't really a big"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1514.53,"endTime":1516.78,"body":"deal. It really wasn't a big"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1514.53,"endTime":1516.78,"body":"deal at all."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1516.84,"endTime":1519.06,"body":"And that's not the only"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1516.84,"endTime":1519.06,"body":"way I felt the mantle of my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1519.06,"endTime":1523.08,"body":"calling. But it's just in that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1519.06,"endTime":1523.08,"body":"way, it was very comforting to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1523.08,"endTime":1525.84,"body":"me, because that's one of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1523.08,"endTime":1525.84,"body":"things I was most scared of."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1526.02,"endTime":1529.05,"body":"Yeah, I served my mission"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1526.02,"endTime":1529.05,"body":"in Chihuahua, Mexico, which is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1529.05,"endTime":1531.96,"body":"right on the US/Mexico border."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1529.05,"endTime":1531.96,"body":"And I spent half my mission"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1531.96,"endTime":1534.15,"body":"Juarez, which is across the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1531.96,"endTime":1534.15,"body":"border from El Paso. It's one of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1534.15,"endTime":1537.81,"body":"the most dangerous cities in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1534.15,"endTime":1537.81,"body":"world. And I was like, I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1537.81,"endTime":1540.48,"body":"never scared my entire mission."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1537.81,"endTime":1540.48,"body":"Then when I went back to visit,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1540.69,"endTime":1542.64,"body":"I was walking around and I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1540.69,"endTime":1542.64,"body":"like, What am I doing? I have to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1542.64,"endTime":1547.08,"body":"get inside of a house, right?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1542.64,"endTime":1547.08,"body":"Like, I can't believe I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1547.38,"endTime":1550.56,"body":"walked these streets"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1547.38,"endTime":1550.56,"body":"nonchalantly for two years."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1550.56,"endTime":1551.64,"body":"Well, and it's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1550.56,"endTime":1551.64,"body":"beautiful when you're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1551.64,"endTime":1553.95,"body":"consecrating yourself and you're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1551.64,"endTime":1553.95,"body":"studying and you're and you're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1553.95,"endTime":1557.37,"body":"in that mindset of how can I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1553.95,"endTime":1557.37,"body":"help other people? I felt like I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1557.37,"endTime":1562.56,"body":"had so many experiences where my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1557.37,"endTime":1562.56,"body":"thoughts were added to and made"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1562.56,"endTime":1566.49,"body":"better by the Spirit and my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1562.56,"endTime":1566.49,"body":"ability to communicate like (a)"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1566.49,"endTime":1569.16,"body":"in Spanish, like gift of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1566.49,"endTime":1569.16,"body":"tongues, but also just my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1569.16,"endTime":1571.74,"body":"ability to communicate and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1569.16,"endTime":1571.74,"body":"really, like use words that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1571.74,"endTime":1575.97,"body":"connected to somebody's heart."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1571.74,"endTime":1575.97,"body":"And so there was so much of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1575.97,"endTime":1580.17,"body":"that, that that I just felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1575.97,"endTime":1580.17,"body":"really confident. I felt really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1580.17,"endTime":1581.25,"body":"confident. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1581.3,"endTime":1583.85,"body":"Charlie, how did you handle"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1581.3,"endTime":1583.85,"body":"those feelings for your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1583.85,"endTime":1584.57,"body":"companions?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1584.87,"endTime":1586.91,"body":"Thanks for bringing us"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1584.87,"endTime":1586.91,"body":"back to that. Because this is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1586.91,"endTime":1589.91,"body":"something that I want to say"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1586.91,"endTime":1589.91,"body":"like, people have crushes on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1589.91,"endTime":1593.06,"body":"their missions, like elders have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1589.91,"endTime":1593.06,"body":"crushes on sisters and girls in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1593.06,"endTime":1596.12,"body":"the ward. And like, it's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1593.06,"endTime":1596.12,"body":"like the greatest thing, but it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1596.12,"endTime":1603.26,"body":"happens a lot. And if you are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1596.12,"endTime":1603.26,"body":"gay, or lesbian or bisexual,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1603.26,"endTime":1608.18,"body":"like, it's, it's normal to just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1603.26,"endTime":1608.18,"body":"be a normal person, like, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1608.18,"endTime":1611.57,"body":"these orientations aren't weird."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1608.18,"endTime":1611.57,"body":"It's a normal orientation. It's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1611.57,"endTime":1614.48,"body":"natural. So like, looking back,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1611.57,"endTime":1614.48,"body":"I was like, that's totally fine."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1614.48,"endTime":1618.02,"body":"If I had a crush on a companion,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1614.48,"endTime":1618.02,"body":"like, it's equally as fine as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1618.02,"endTime":1621.44,"body":"somebody else having a crush,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1618.02,"endTime":1621.44,"body":"like my companion having a crush"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1621.5,"endTime":1624.26,"body":"on a girl in the ward or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1621.5,"endTime":1624.26,"body":"something. And like I said,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1624.26,"endTime":1626.57,"body":"That's not like the greatest"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1624.26,"endTime":1626.57,"body":"thing. But like, it's not like I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1626.57,"endTime":1631.04,"body":"was pursuing a relationship or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1626.57,"endTime":1631.04,"body":"like, being, like, physically"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1631.19,"endTime":1634.01,"body":"aggressive or anything. I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1631.19,"endTime":1634.01,"body":"just like, oh, this is how I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1634.01,"endTime":1638.06,"body":"feel. Let's see what I can do,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1634.01,"endTime":1638.06,"body":"like, to make sure that this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1638.06,"endTime":1640.22,"body":"doesn't inhibit my ability to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1638.06,"endTime":1640.22,"body":"serve, you know?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1640.31,"endTime":1642.29,"body":"Yeah, definitely. What"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1640.31,"endTime":1642.29,"body":"would you have done if like a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1642.44,"endTime":1644.87,"body":"companion you like said,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1642.44,"endTime":1644.87,"body":"Charlie, I've got a crush on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1644.87,"endTime":1645.08,"body":"you?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1645.48,"endTime":1648.54,"body":"Um, I don't know, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1645.48,"endTime":1648.54,"body":"never had that experience. I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1648.54,"endTime":1652.32,"body":"not sure exactly how I would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1648.54,"endTime":1652.32,"body":"have responded. But if that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1652.32,"endTime":1656.19,"body":"happened, now, I would just be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1652.32,"endTime":1656.19,"body":"honest, and I would probably"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1656.19,"endTime":1658.29,"body":"tell the mission president and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1656.19,"endTime":1658.29,"body":"be like, yo, here's the deal."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1658.29,"endTime":1661.32,"body":"Like, we're both gay. Here we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1658.29,"endTime":1661.32,"body":"are in this apartment alone."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1661.32,"endTime":1662.82,"body":"Like, I don't know if that's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1661.32,"endTime":1662.82,"body":"something you're comfortable"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1662.82,"endTime":1666.15,"body":"with. And if I was comfortable"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1662.82,"endTime":1666.15,"body":"with it, in like confident in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1666.15,"endTime":1668.91,"body":"our ability to still like, keep"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1666.15,"endTime":1668.91,"body":"mission rules and follow"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1668.91,"endTime":1671.49,"body":"guidelines and serve, I'd be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1668.91,"endTime":1671.49,"body":"like, Hey, we're comfortable"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1671.49,"endTime":1674.43,"body":"with this, like, it's fine. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1671.49,"endTime":1674.43,"body":"if I wasn't hopefully, I would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1674.43,"endTime":1678.42,"body":"be honest. And just put it out"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1674.43,"endTime":1678.42,"body":"there. And like, one thing I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1678.42,"endTime":1681.3,"body":"didn't know going in, I figured"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1678.42,"endTime":1681.3,"body":"that, that missionary work would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1681.3,"endTime":1686.19,"body":"be 100%, like, outside forces"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1681.3,"endTime":1686.19,"body":"acting on me. But like, there's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1686.19,"endTime":1688.74,"body":"always ways to empower yourself"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1686.19,"endTime":1688.74,"body":"in this situation, you know what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1688.74,"endTime":1691.26,"body":"I mean? So like, if it's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1688.74,"endTime":1691.26,"body":"working, and it's causing a lot"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1691.26,"endTime":1694.74,"body":"of stress, or anxiety, like you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1691.26,"endTime":1694.74,"body":"can talk about it and, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1694.74,"endTime":1697.05,"body":"change your scenario or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1694.74,"endTime":1697.05,"body":"situation."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1697.0,"endTime":1700.24,"body":"Yeah, definitely. I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1697.0,"endTime":1700.24,"body":"this is important. We have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1700.24,"endTime":1703.27,"body":"crushes and feelings, and we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1700.24,"endTime":1703.27,"body":"can't turn that off, that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1703.27,"endTime":1706.03,"body":"doesn't go away when you get"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1703.27,"endTime":1706.03,"body":"married, even, you know, we just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1706.03,"endTime":1709.15,"body":"have these feelings. And just, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1706.03,"endTime":1709.15,"body":"think just accepting that and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1709.18,"endTime":1711.94,"body":"being able to just live with the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1709.18,"endTime":1711.94,"body":"feelings. And also choosing how"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1711.94,"endTime":1714.94,"body":"to act, I think is a really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1711.94,"endTime":1714.94,"body":"powerful way to live. Sarah what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1714.94,"endTime":1718.15,"body":"wouldve happened at the MTC, if"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1714.94,"endTime":1718.15,"body":"a missionary told someone that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1718.15,"endTime":1719.23,"body":"they had a crush on their"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1718.15,"endTime":1719.23,"body":"companion?"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1720.02,"endTime":1723.47,"body":"I don't know, I can maybe"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1720.02,"endTime":1723.47,"body":"like, hypothesize for a little"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1723.47,"endTime":1726.41,"body":"bit probably like a branch"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1723.47,"endTime":1726.41,"body":"president would be called and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1726.41,"endTime":1730.22,"body":"then district president, that is"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1726.41,"endTime":1730.22,"body":"over the branch president and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1730.22,"endTime":1733.4,"body":"there'd be a conversation. And I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1730.22,"endTime":1733.4,"body":"think, again, the primary"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1733.4,"endTime":1737.45,"body":"question, I can't like make a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1733.4,"endTime":1737.45,"body":"promise for how everybody's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1737.45,"endTime":1740.69,"body":"going to act always right? But"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1737.45,"endTime":1740.69,"body":"like, the primary question would"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1740.69,"endTime":1743.39,"body":"be, well, what did you do? And"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1740.69,"endTime":1743.39,"body":"if there was like, \"We didn't do"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1743.39,"endTime":1745.34,"body":"anything,\" they probably would"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1743.39,"endTime":1745.34,"body":"say \"Well stop stressing out"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1745.34,"endTime":1748.97,"body":"about it.\" No, like, from what"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1745.34,"endTime":1748.97,"body":"I've observed. I think that's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1748.97,"endTime":1751.01,"body":"probably what people would say."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1748.97,"endTime":1751.01,"body":"And I think that that's what our"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1751.01,"endTime":1754.1,"body":"Priesthood Leadership is being"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1751.01,"endTime":1754.1,"body":"trained to do more often, which"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1754.1,"endTime":1759.32,"body":"is, well, what are your actions"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1754.1,"endTime":1759.32,"body":"here? Okay. Don't like condemn"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1759.32,"endTime":1760.94,"body":"yourself before something has"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1759.32,"endTime":1760.94,"body":"happened."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1761.17,"endTime":1764.05,"body":"Yeah. And a lot of my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1761.17,"endTime":1764.05,"body":"fears before going into my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1764.05,"endTime":1767.59,"body":"mission, were just fears, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1764.05,"endTime":1767.59,"body":"know, like most of them didn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1767.59,"endTime":1772.57,"body":"come to fruition. In fact, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1767.59,"endTime":1772.57,"body":"know, what was one time I was I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1772.57,"endTime":1775.45,"body":"was with a companion and we just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1772.57,"endTime":1775.45,"body":"been getting along so well. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1775.45,"endTime":1778.27,"body":"I was like, You know what, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1775.45,"endTime":1778.27,"body":"hope this is what my marriage is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1778.27,"endTime":1782.83,"body":"like, like, two people working"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1778.27,"endTime":1782.83,"body":"together, helping people doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1782.83,"endTime":1785.95,"body":"well. And it's so funny looking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1782.83,"endTime":1785.95,"body":"back, like, like previous to my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1785.95,"endTime":1790.45,"body":"mission, if I would have seen my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1785.95,"endTime":1790.45,"body":"future self thinking, \"I hope my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1790.45,"endTime":1792.07,"body":"marriage is like this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1790.45,"endTime":1792.07,"body":"relationship with me my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1792.07,"endTime":1794.17,"body":"companion,\" I probably would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1792.07,"endTime":1794.17,"body":"have freaked out. But in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1794.17,"endTime":1797.8,"body":"moment, it was just like a very,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1794.17,"endTime":1797.8,"body":"like, nice spiritual thing. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1797.8,"endTime":1801.37,"body":"I was just like, this is this is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1797.8,"endTime":1801.37,"body":"unity. This has companionship."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1801.55,"endTime":1804.55,"body":"And it was cool. And it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1801.55,"endTime":1804.55,"body":"like sexual at all. It was just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1804.55,"endTime":1808.45,"body":"like, I hope that one day I have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1804.55,"endTime":1808.45,"body":"a relationship that's lasting in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1808.45,"endTime":1811.48,"body":"my life that is as meaningful to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1808.45,"endTime":1811.48,"body":"me as this one that I'm in right"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1811.48,"endTime":1811.72,"body":"now."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1811.81,"endTime":1814.69,"body":"You know, I had a very"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1811.81,"endTime":1814.69,"body":"similar experience where I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1814.69,"endTime":1816.88,"body":"learning Spanish, of course. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1814.69,"endTime":1816.88,"body":"so I would, at night, I would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1816.88,"endTime":1819.34,"body":"get like old copies of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1816.88,"endTime":1819.34,"body":"Ensign in Spanish, I would read"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1819.34,"endTime":1821.68,"body":"them out loud to my companion."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1819.34,"endTime":1821.68,"body":"And he would like, correct me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1821.68,"endTime":1825.07,"body":"and teach me words and stuff."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1821.68,"endTime":1825.07,"body":"And it was so fun. Just like so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1825.07,"endTime":1828.31,"body":"fun just reading the Ensign"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1825.07,"endTime":1828.31,"body":"together every night. I thought,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1828.31,"endTime":1830.23,"body":"when I'm married, I want to do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1828.31,"endTime":1830.23,"body":"this. This is really fun. It"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1830.23,"endTime":1832.06,"body":"just is bringing us closer"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1830.23,"endTime":1832.06,"body":"together. And it's just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1832.06,"endTime":1832.99,"body":"enjoyable. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1833.2,"endTime":1835.69,"body":"I'm thinking right now."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1833.2,"endTime":1835.69,"body":"I'm kind of going back to the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1835.69,"endTime":1837.61,"body":"beginning of some of those"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1835.69,"endTime":1837.61,"body":"questions of like, should I go"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1837.61,"endTime":1841.48,"body":"on a mission? And I'm talking to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1837.61,"endTime":1841.48,"body":"this person right now in front"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1841.48,"endTime":1845.68,"body":"of me, I am... just give me a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1841.48,"endTime":1845.68,"body":"little bit of congratulation"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1845.68,"endTime":1848.89,"body":"around thinking about the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1845.68,"endTime":1848.89,"body":"question a bit. And not to say"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1848.89,"endTime":1850.9,"body":"that the three of us didn't"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1848.89,"endTime":1850.9,"body":"think about what that question"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1850.9,"endTime":1854.23,"body":"is. But I think that there's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1850.9,"endTime":1854.23,"body":"something to be said, for"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1854.23,"endTime":1856.54,"body":"someone who's willing to study"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1854.23,"endTime":1856.54,"body":"out the question quite a bit"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1856.54,"endTime":1859.66,"body":"more. I've been thinking a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1856.54,"endTime":1859.66,"body":"little bit about the role of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1859.66,"endTime":1862.21,"body":"agency when it comes to this,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1859.66,"endTime":1862.21,"body":"right? Because at the end of the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1862.21,"endTime":1866.71,"body":"day, you can choose to go or you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1862.21,"endTime":1866.71,"body":"can choose not to go. Right. And"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1867.13,"endTime":1871.18,"body":"as you were looking back at how"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1867.13,"endTime":1871.18,"body":"you did your decision making"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1871.18,"endTime":1874.57,"body":"around this, you've talked a lot"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1871.18,"endTime":1874.57,"body":"about the reasons why. Were"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1874.57,"endTime":1876.49,"body":"there reasons why you wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":1874.57,"endTime":1876.49,"body":"have done it?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1877.43,"endTime":1879.86,"body":"Honestly, no, it's all I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1877.43,"endTime":1879.86,"body":"ever want to do since I was a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1879.86,"endTime":1883.34,"body":"kid. Like all my life was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1879.86,"endTime":1883.34,"body":"leading up to that, I can't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1883.34,"endTime":1884.33,"body":"imagine how I wouldn't have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1883.34,"endTime":1884.33,"body":"gone."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1885.56,"endTime":1889.1,"body":"I'm thinking about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1885.56,"endTime":1889.1,"body":"this. My initial reaction was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1889.1,"endTime":1891.38,"body":"no, but at the same time that I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1889.1,"endTime":1891.38,"body":"think there was a small part of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1891.38,"endTime":1895.28,"body":"me that felt forced into it."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1891.38,"endTime":1895.28,"body":"And, you know, there's, there's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1895.28,"endTime":1898.22,"body":"like these lore, and there's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1895.28,"endTime":1898.22,"body":"stories about like, it's better"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1898.22,"endTime":1900.95,"body":"to come back in a coffin than to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1898.22,"endTime":1900.95,"body":"come back early. And I'm just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1900.95,"endTime":1904.52,"body":"like, no, that's not what... I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1900.95,"endTime":1904.52,"body":"kind of fed into that, you know"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1904.52,"endTime":1909.2,"body":"what I mean? And I like I felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1904.52,"endTime":1909.2,"body":"like I had to. And when I was in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1909.2,"endTime":1911.66,"body":"that mindset, that's when it was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1909.2,"endTime":1911.66,"body":"most difficult for me, you know,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1911.66,"endTime":1914.72,"body":"when I didn't feel like I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1911.66,"endTime":1914.72,"body":"actively exercising my agency"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1914.72,"endTime":1917.39,"body":"and making like a conscious"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1914.72,"endTime":1917.39,"body":"decision based on my own"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1917.39,"endTime":1921.86,"body":"personal desires. You know, just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1917.39,"endTime":1921.86,"body":"like with stigma, and in current"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1921.86,"endTime":1924.26,"body":"culture, like, I think you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1921.86,"endTime":1924.26,"body":"should do what's like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1924.26,"endTime":1928.28,"body":"healthiest and best for you. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1924.26,"endTime":1928.28,"body":"if you decide not to, like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1928.28,"endTime":1931.52,"body":"hope that that's like, an honest"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1928.28,"endTime":1931.52,"body":"decision that you can feel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1931.52,"endTime":1933.92,"body":"comfortable with. And, and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1931.52,"endTime":1933.92,"body":"would hope that we can create an"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1933.92,"endTime":1936.92,"body":"environment where people don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1933.92,"endTime":1936.92,"body":"judge or berate or look at"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1936.92,"endTime":1939.59,"body":"someone differently because of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1936.92,"endTime":1939.59,"body":"that. Or if you're out there and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1939.59,"endTime":1943.13,"body":"like it's not working and like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1939.59,"endTime":1943.13,"body":"it's taxing to your like mental"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1943.13,"endTime":1945.41,"body":"or spiritual or emotional health"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1943.13,"endTime":1945.41,"body":"that you can make make"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1945.41,"endTime":1949.64,"body":"adjustments or, or be okay with,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1945.41,"endTime":1949.64,"body":"like changing your life path in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1949.64,"endTime":1952.07,"body":"a way that maybe some people"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1949.64,"endTime":1952.07,"body":"would judge but just doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1952.07,"endTime":1956.93,"body":"what's healthy for you. And so,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1952.07,"endTime":1956.93,"body":"while like 90% of me was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1957.65,"endTime":1960.92,"body":"Yes, this is what I want to do,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1957.65,"endTime":1960.92,"body":"that 10% was a little bit"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1960.92,"endTime":1961.67,"body":"damaging to me."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1961.0,"endTime":1964.57,"body":"At this time, when I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1961.0,"endTime":1964.57,"body":"remembering the very beginning"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1964.57,"endTime":1967.12,"body":"of my mission, because thinking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1964.57,"endTime":1967.12,"body":"about going on a mission. I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1967.15,"endTime":1972.19,"body":"so thrilled. And then I got to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1967.15,"endTime":1972.19,"body":"Mexico. And I remember thinking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1972.22,"endTime":1975.58,"body":"there is no way it is this hard"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1972.22,"endTime":1975.58,"body":"for everyone like this is too"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1975.58,"endTime":1979.45,"body":"hard for everyone to have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1975.58,"endTime":1979.45,"body":"experienced this. Because I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1979.45,"endTime":1981.91,"body":"didn't understand anything. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1979.45,"endTime":1981.91,"body":"wasn't used to the food, I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1981.91,"endTime":1985.15,"body":"sick all the time, I got a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1981.91,"endTime":1985.15,"body":"sunburn my first day. I remember"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1985.15,"endTime":1987.91,"body":"walking like by these train"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1985.15,"endTime":1987.91,"body":"tracks on my very first day. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1987.91,"endTime":1991.63,"body":"this train came by and just blew"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1987.91,"endTime":1991.63,"body":"this cloud of dust at us. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1991.63,"endTime":1994.09,"body":"then I and I had like, I could"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1991.63,"endTime":1994.09,"body":"feel the dust on my teeth. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1994.09,"endTime":1997.3,"body":"looked my watch. It was like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1994.09,"endTime":1997.3,"body":"1pm. I'm like, it's not even"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1998.11,"endTime":2000.84,"body":"halfway through my first day of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1998.11,"endTime":2000.84,"body":"two years. I'm not sure I can do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2000.84,"endTime":2003.72,"body":"this. I remember thinking, how"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2000.84,"endTime":2003.72,"body":"do I get reassigned to Idaho?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2004.05,"endTime":2006.69,"body":"Like, like, like, how do I get"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2004.05,"endTime":2006.69,"body":"out of this? I was like, if I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2006.69,"endTime":2009.57,"body":"like get a toe run over and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2006.69,"endTime":2009.57,"body":"there's a toe ,can I like go"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2009.57,"endTime":2012.51,"body":"home honorably and not have to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2009.57,"endTime":2012.51,"body":"serve? But that didn't last for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2012.51,"endTime":2017.49,"body":"very long. But there were these"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2012.51,"endTime":2017.49,"body":"fear based responses. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2017.49,"endTime":2021.12,"body":"whenever I have a fear based"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2017.49,"endTime":2021.12,"body":"response, I know I'm not like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2021.12,"endTime":2022.77,"body":"like, that's not the right"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2021.12,"endTime":2022.77,"body":"choice to make. But it's still a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2022.77,"endTime":2025.26,"body":"very natural way to feel like I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2022.77,"endTime":2025.26,"body":"just like how do I get out of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2025.26,"endTime":2030.24,"body":"this? And then as I push through"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2025.26,"endTime":2030.24,"body":"that and reconnected with why"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2030.24,"endTime":2033.51,"body":"wanted to be there, you know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2030.24,"endTime":2033.51,"body":"over months, and probably the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2033.51,"endTime":2036.99,"body":"whole two years. God, like it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2033.51,"endTime":2036.99,"body":"was a beautiful like it was, it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2036.99,"endTime":2038.64,"body":"was one of those formative"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2036.99,"endTime":2038.64,"body":"experiences of my life."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2038.73,"endTime":2041.94,"body":"Definitely not the best two"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2038.73,"endTime":2041.94,"body":"years, but very good two years."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2042.38,"endTime":2044.48,"body":"So something that I like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2042.38,"endTime":2044.48,"body":"picked up from both of you guys,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2044.48,"endTime":2046.61,"body":"right? It's just and I think"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2044.48,"endTime":2046.61,"body":"this is probably a pretty common"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2046.61,"endTime":2049.61,"body":"theme. Regardless, just for all"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2046.61,"endTime":2049.61,"body":"decision making. Fear is not a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2049.61,"endTime":2052.61,"body":"good reason to do something, or"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2049.61,"endTime":2052.61,"body":"perhaps even not to do"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2052.61,"endTime":2054.71,"body":"something. There's some fear"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2052.61,"endTime":2054.71,"body":"that keeps us safe that like,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2055.28,"endTime":2057.56,"body":"when we're talking about doing"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2055.28,"endTime":2057.56,"body":"something like going on a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2057.56,"endTime":2062.84,"body":"mission, fear is not a good"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2057.56,"endTime":2062.84,"body":"reason to go. So for example, if"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2062.84,"endTime":2067.94,"body":"I don't go on a mission, then my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2062.84,"endTime":2067.94,"body":"ward is going to think that I'm"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2068.87,"endTime":2073.25,"body":"unworthy or I've committed some"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2068.87,"endTime":2073.25,"body":"terrible sin. That's a fear. So"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2073.25,"endTime":2077.72,"body":"I think basically rejection from"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2073.25,"endTime":2077.72,"body":"a ward right or rejection or"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2077.72,"endTime":2080.54,"body":"assumptions about me or myself"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2077.72,"endTime":2080.54,"body":"if I decide not to go."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2080.57,"endTime":2081.77,"body":"Yeah, no one would marry"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2080.57,"endTime":2081.77,"body":"me."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2082.16,"endTime":2082.7,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2083.09,"endTime":2084.32,"body":"They still won't marry me."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2083.09,"endTime":2084.32,"body":"But..."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2085.43,"endTime":2087.71,"body":"That's not true. You just"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2085.43,"endTime":2087.71,"body":"won't say yes."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2090.35,"endTime":2094.22,"body":"For me, I think I had a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2090.35,"endTime":2094.22,"body":"fear of my decisions affecting"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2094.22,"endTime":2097.79,"body":"somebody else's salvation. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2094.22,"endTime":2097.79,"body":"if I didn't go then someone"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2097.79,"endTime":2101.6,"body":"wouldn't learn about Christ."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2097.79,"endTime":2101.6,"body":"That weighed really heavily on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2101.6,"endTime":2101.84,"body":"me."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2102.26,"endTime":2104.69,"body":"Wait a second, you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2102.26,"endTime":2104.69,"body":"thought that like, if you didn't"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2104.69,"endTime":2107.66,"body":"go there was someone somewhere"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2104.69,"endTime":2107.66,"body":"that would not be brought to the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2107.66,"endTime":2108.05,"body":"kingdom?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2108.08,"endTime":2111.62,"body":"Yeah, that I will, that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2108.08,"endTime":2111.62,"body":"I was supposed to, to connect"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2111.62,"endTime":2111.92,"body":"with?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2111.95,"endTime":2114.62,"body":"No, not just that, but"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2111.95,"endTime":2114.62,"body":"we're explicitly told that."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2114.71,"endTime":2116.33,"body":"Yeah, we are told that,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2114.71,"endTime":2116.33,"body":"like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2116.33,"endTime":2117.74,"body":"There's even that whole"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2116.33,"endTime":2117.74,"body":"like...  that, like...."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2117.73,"endTime":2121.9,"body":"There are people that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2117.73,"endTime":2121.9,"body":"only YOU can get. So I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2121.9,"endTime":2125.65,"body":"really nervous. Like, if I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2121.9,"endTime":2125.65,"body":"go then like, whoever that lady"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2125.65,"endTime":2129.1,"body":"is in Southern California, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2125.65,"endTime":2129.1,"body":"this nice grandma that I'm not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2129.1,"endTime":2131.32,"body":"going to connect with, and then"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2129.1,"endTime":2131.32,"body":"she'll never get baptized, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2131.32,"endTime":2134.68,"body":"she'll lose out on a lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2131.32,"endTime":2134.68,"body":"like, blessings, you know, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2134.68,"endTime":2135.4,"body":"I was worried about that,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2135.99,"endTime":2138.45,"body":"Well, we were told, if you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2135.99,"endTime":2138.45,"body":"didn't get up at 630, then you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2138.45,"endTime":2140.19,"body":"wouldn't have the spirit with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2138.45,"endTime":2140.19,"body":"you. And then that day, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2140.19,"endTime":2143.1,"body":"wouldn't be able to teach anyone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2140.19,"endTime":2143.1,"body":"by the Spirit. That's I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2143.1,"endTime":2144.24,"body":"explicitly told that."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2144.45,"endTime":2145.26,"body":"So was I."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2146.85,"endTime":2148.11,"body":"Which I agree is crazy!"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2148.11,"endTime":2149.16,"body":"Sarah educate us."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2151.07,"endTime":2155.0,"body":"First of all, Okay, first"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2151.07,"endTime":2155.0,"body":"of all, we know right, that no"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2155.0,"endTime":2160.37,"body":"man's salvation or woman's, like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2155.0,"endTime":2160.37,"body":"represent salvation, depends on"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2160.37,"endTime":2163.82,"body":"another person. It just doesn't."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2160.37,"endTime":2163.82,"body":"That's not how it works. Like,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2163.88,"endTime":2166.58,"body":"what's the point of the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2163.88,"endTime":2166.58,"body":"atonement? And also, Ben, I know"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2166.58,"endTime":2168.5,"body":"you know the answer to this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2166.58,"endTime":2168.5,"body":"question, tell me the Second"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2168.5,"endTime":2169.67,"body":"Article of Faith."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2170.09,"endTime":2172.07,"body":"That men will be punished"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2170.09,"endTime":2172.07,"body":"for their own sins,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2172.19,"endTime":2172.88,"body":"And?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2173.06,"endTime":2174.53,"body":"Not for Adam's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2173.06,"endTime":2174.53,"body":"transgression."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2174.63,"endTime":2178.23,"body":"What up? So thereby,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2174.63,"endTime":2178.23,"body":"like, I think it'd be fair to us"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2178.23,"endTime":2182.31,"body":"to go to the conclusion that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2178.23,"endTime":2182.31,"body":"there is no one waiting for you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2182.37,"endTime":2186.51,"body":"to save them. And there is"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2182.37,"endTime":2186.51,"body":"nobody that whose entire"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2186.51,"endTime":2191.34,"body":"salvation in the history of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2186.51,"endTime":2191.34,"body":"their eternities who will be"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2191.34,"endTime":2195.27,"body":"limited because you decided not"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2191.34,"endTime":2195.27,"body":"to go on a mission like or if"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2195.27,"endTime":2197.64,"body":"you decided, if you were a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2195.27,"endTime":2197.64,"body":"little bit lazy that day and got"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2197.64,"endTime":2200.64,"body":"45 you just like don't"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2197.64,"endTime":2200.64,"body":"have that kind of power. Like I"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2200.64,"endTime":2203.1,"body":"hate to say it, but you guys"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2200.64,"endTime":2203.1,"body":"just aren't that special. Like"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2203.1,"endTime":2205.23,"body":"you're so special and wonderful."},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2203.1,"endTime":2205.23,"body":"And I want you to think you're"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2205.23,"endTime":2207.78,"body":"so... Heavenly...  like thank"},{"speaker":"up at 6","startTime":2205.23,"endTime":2207.78,"body":"goodness for the Plan."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2207.78,"endTime":2208.77,"body":"Calm down."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2208.77,"endTime":2211.23,"body":"Like settle down a little"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2208.77,"endTime":2211.23,"body":"bit you guys that's just not..."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2211.59,"endTime":2214.68,"body":"Let's oh my goodness, Charlie,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2211.59,"endTime":2214.68,"body":"that's so beautiful. And also,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2214.68,"endTime":2215.31,"body":"I'm just like...."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2215.55,"endTime":2216.63,"body":"It's like sad though."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2216.0,"endTime":2219.78,"body":"I just want to hold young"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2216.0,"endTime":2219.78,"body":"Charlie and be like, Oh, you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2219.78,"endTime":2222.69,"body":"have like such good, like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2219.78,"endTime":2222.69,"body":"beautiful intentions, that no"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2222.69,"endTime":2226.92,"body":"one--The Lord is not asking you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2222.69,"endTime":2226.92,"body":"to have--that's so hard."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2227.29,"endTime":2229.57,"body":"Yeah, I totally forgot"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2227.29,"endTime":2229.57,"body":"that. I felt that way."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2230.74,"endTime":2232.48,"body":"It's been a long time"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2230.74,"endTime":2232.48,"body":"since you served a mission."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2232.48,"endTime":2234.19,"body":"Yes. And I've been home"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2232.48,"endTime":2234.19,"body":"more than 15 years."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2235.81,"endTime":2239.38,"body":"I've only been home for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2235.81,"endTime":2239.38,"body":"six. I feel compelled to share"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2239.38,"endTime":2241.18,"body":"the story that I've never told"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2239.38,"endTime":2241.18,"body":"anyone and I'm really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2241.18,"endTime":2244.33,"body":"embarrassed by it. But here we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2241.18,"endTime":2244.33,"body":"go. I'm making it public."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2244.33,"endTime":2244.93,"body":"Yay."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2245.44,"endTime":2249.28,"body":"Um, one of one of my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2245.44,"endTime":2249.28,"body":"biggest fears for going to the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2249.28,"endTime":2254.68,"body":"MTC was like the showers in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2249.28,"endTime":2254.68,"body":"locker room situation. I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2254.71,"endTime":2259.03,"body":"terrified. I was mortified. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2254.71,"endTime":2259.03,"body":"I like combed the internet for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2259.03,"endTime":2261.34,"body":"like pictures of what they"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2259.03,"endTime":2261.34,"body":"looked like. I had heard jokes"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2261.34,"endTime":2264.1,"body":"about like the circle of life,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2261.34,"endTime":2264.1,"body":"the Tree of Life, the Tree of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2264.1,"endTime":2267.4,"body":"Life, sorry, the circle of life,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2264.1,"endTime":2267.4,"body":"the Tree of Life, which is like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2267.58,"endTime":2270.55,"body":"six to eight showerheads around"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2267.58,"endTime":2270.55,"body":"a pole just like regular locker"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2270.55,"endTime":2273.91,"body":"rooms showers. And I was just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2270.55,"endTime":2273.91,"body":"like, like I said, I was so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2273.91,"endTime":2278.2,"body":"nervous about like, keeping my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2273.91,"endTime":2278.2,"body":"sexual appetites in check. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2278.2,"endTime":2281.95,"body":"was just I was like, wickedly"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2278.2,"endTime":2281.95,"body":"stressed about this. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2281.95,"endTime":2285.28,"body":"remember flying home before I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2281.95,"endTime":2285.28,"body":"opened my mission call. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2285.28,"endTime":2289.15,"body":"was like, having a panic attack"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2285.28,"endTime":2289.15,"body":"on the floor of Salt Lake"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2289.15,"endTime":2292.63,"body":"airport, because I was so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2289.15,"endTime":2292.63,"body":"nervous to go to the MTC and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2292.63,"endTime":2295.84,"body":"take a shower. And I was just so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2292.63,"endTime":2295.84,"body":"so nervous. And I was praying,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2295.84,"endTime":2297.49,"body":"and I was trying to figure out"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2295.84,"endTime":2297.49,"body":"what it looked like. But I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2297.49,"endTime":2300.04,"body":"didn't know because like, who"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2297.49,"endTime":2300.04,"body":"goes into the MTC and it's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2300.04,"endTime":2306.34,"body":"like there's two whole MTC"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2300.04,"endTime":2306.34,"body":"showers. I was so scared. And,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2307.06,"endTime":2310.84,"body":"and I was like, \"God, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2307.06,"endTime":2310.84,"body":"please help me I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2310.84,"endTime":2315.94,"body":"to do.\" So it's day one. It's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2310.84,"endTime":2315.94,"body":"day one of the MTC so weird,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2315.94,"endTime":2318.25,"body":"because you like meet these"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2315.94,"endTime":2318.25,"body":"strangers, like people that you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2318.25,"endTime":2319.24,"body":"have to like, be around...."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2319.33,"endTime":2322.36,"body":"And they put these orange"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2319.33,"endTime":2322.36,"body":"dots on your name tag. Make sure"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2322.36,"endTime":2323.26,"body":"you have your shot records."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2323.96,"endTime":2325.88,"body":"And so we're meeting"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2323.96,"endTime":2325.88,"body":"all these people that we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2325.88,"endTime":2329.27,"body":"going to spend time with, and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2325.88,"endTime":2329.27,"body":"was just like, so worried that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2329.27,"endTime":2331.58,"body":"someone attractive would walk"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2329.27,"endTime":2331.58,"body":"into the room, and I was gonna"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2331.58,"endTime":2335.84,"body":"have to take a shower with like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2331.58,"endTime":2335.84,"body":"\"Hot Elder.\" I was so nervous."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2336.11,"endTime":2339.92,"body":"And then classic, of course,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2336.11,"endTime":2339.92,"body":"like this guy walks in and he's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2339.92,"endTime":2343.31,"body":"like 23 a professional"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2339.92,"endTime":2343.31,"body":"bodybuilder. He's like built and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2343.31,"endTime":2345.59,"body":"like perfect jawline. And I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2343.31,"endTime":2345.59,"body":"like, \"Oh my gosh!\""},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2347.66,"endTime":2348.74,"body":"My worst nightmare."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2348.81,"endTime":2351.03,"body":"I'm like literally"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2348.81,"endTime":2351.03,"body":"trying to figure out how I can"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2351.03,"endTime":2354.45,"body":"jump out the window like I have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2351.03,"endTime":2354.45,"body":"to sleep right next to him in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2354.45,"endTime":2357.42,"body":"our like bunk bed situation and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2354.45,"endTime":2357.42,"body":"like we have to shower together"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2357.42,"endTime":2362.61,"body":"and I'm so so nervous, right I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2357.42,"endTime":2362.61,"body":"freaking out. So I pretend to go"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2362.61,"endTime":2364.41,"body":"to the bathroom. I ran in and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2362.61,"endTime":2364.41,"body":"found out that there were"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2364.41,"endTime":2366.27,"body":"actually curtains in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2364.41,"endTime":2366.27,"body":"showers. So I was like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2366.27,"endTime":2369.39,"body":"this is good. Like, first of all"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2366.27,"endTime":2369.39,"body":"like so if anyone else is like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2369.39,"endTime":2372.3,"body":"me and is freaking out about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2369.39,"endTime":2372.3,"body":"this like it's like very"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2372.3,"endTime":2375.06,"body":"segregated and you can keep your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2372.3,"endTime":2375.06,"body":"privacy. Whatever it's all fine."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2375.69,"endTime":2379.77,"body":"But I was it was so funny"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2375.69,"endTime":2379.77,"body":"because oh my gosh, this is--God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2379.77,"endTime":2383.1,"body":"loves me so much you guys listen"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2379.77,"endTime":2383.1,"body":"to this--no this wait for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2383.67,"endTime":2388.26,"body":"it--that's not even it--so this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2383.67,"endTime":2388.26,"body":"elder was like ridiculously"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2388.47,"endTime":2393.03,"body":"modest. Like he was so so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2388.47,"endTime":2393.03,"body":"private. And one time, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2393.03,"endTime":2395.58,"body":"about three weeks in, some of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2393.03,"endTime":2395.58,"body":"the other guys in my district"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2395.58,"endTime":2398.19,"body":"were making fun of him and they"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2395.58,"endTime":2398.19,"body":"like, like \"You have this great"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2398.19,"endTime":2400.62,"body":"body but like you're so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2398.19,"endTime":2400.62,"body":"embarrassed. Like, what do you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2400.62,"endTime":2405.06,"body":"have like a scar like a big mole"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2400.62,"endTime":2405.06,"body":"or something?\" And he was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2405.87,"endTime":2408.51,"body":"well, \"I'll just be honest.\" And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2405.87,"endTime":2408.51,"body":"he said that right before he"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2408.51,"endTime":2411.57,"body":"left, his Stake President called"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2408.51,"endTime":2411.57,"body":"him and was like, \"This is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2411.57,"endTime":2414.9,"body":"weird. And I don't know why. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2411.57,"endTime":2414.9,"body":"I need to tell you this.\" He was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2414.9,"endTime":2419.46,"body":"like, \"I feel like, you need to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2414.9,"endTime":2419.46,"body":"be super modest in the MTC. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2419.46,"endTime":2422.07,"body":"that, like, I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2419.46,"endTime":2422.07,"body":"that means.\" And so this elder"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2422.07,"endTime":2424.8,"body":"was like, \"He said that to me,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2422.07,"endTime":2424.8,"body":"and I felt the Spirit. And so I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2424.8,"endTime":2428.49,"body":"just made sure I was just like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2424.8,"endTime":2428.49,"body":"always clothed, then I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2428.49,"endTime":2431.61,"body":"know why I'm doing that. But I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2428.49,"endTime":2431.61,"body":"am.\" And I was sitting there in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2431.61,"endTime":2435.42,"body":"the room, and I was like, \"Oh,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2431.61,"endTime":2435.42,"body":"my gosh, like, God did that for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2435.42,"endTime":2438.48,"body":"me.\" Because I was freaking out"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2435.42,"endTime":2438.48,"body":"so much about seeing a hot"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2438.48,"endTime":2443.34,"body":"elder, shirtless or naked, I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2438.48,"endTime":2443.34,"body":"so scared. But like, like, even"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2443.34,"endTime":2447.0,"body":"if the shower situation would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2443.34,"endTime":2447.0,"body":"have been what I was afraid of,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2447.0,"endTime":2450.54,"body":"like God had already planned for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2447.0,"endTime":2450.54,"body":"that to keep me safe. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2450.54,"endTime":2456.21,"body":"think like, it's just so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2450.54,"endTime":2456.21,"body":"beautiful. Like, if we tell the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2456.21,"endTime":2459.03,"body":"Lord what we need, and what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2456.21,"endTime":2459.03,"body":"we're scared of the Lord"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2459.03,"endTime":2462.42,"body":"provides, like, He makes a way"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2459.03,"endTime":2462.42,"body":"and He can influence people and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2462.42,"endTime":2466.41,"body":"inspire me and other people and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2462.42,"endTime":2466.41,"body":"like, you're gonna be safe,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2466.41,"endTime":2470.07,"body":"like, the Lord keeps us safe."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2466.41,"endTime":2470.07,"body":"That's my story,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2470.16,"endTime":2471.9,"body":"Charlie, thank you for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2470.16,"endTime":2471.9,"body":"sharing that. That's incredibly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2471.9,"endTime":2476.22,"body":"beautiful, beautiful. And I love"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2471.9,"endTime":2476.22,"body":"that principle that if you if"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2476.22,"endTime":2479.04,"body":"there's anything about a mission"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2476.22,"endTime":2479.04,"body":"that scares you, but you feel"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2479.07,"endTime":2481.77,"body":"called and compelled to go, God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2479.07,"endTime":2481.77,"body":"will take care of you."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2482.67,"endTime":2486.15,"body":"Yeah, that's a very"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2482.67,"endTime":2486.15,"body":"beautiful story. And I'm just"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2486.15,"endTime":2489.12,"body":"like so grateful that there is"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2486.15,"endTime":2489.12,"body":"one person who had to be"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2489.12,"endTime":2492.72,"body":"completely alone, so that we"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2489.12,"endTime":2492.72,"body":"would never be alone. You know,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2492.72,"endTime":2496.26,"body":"and especially at a time like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2492.72,"endTime":2496.26,"body":"this, like the Lord will not"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2496.29,"endTime":2499.89,"body":"abandon you, in your mission."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2496.29,"endTime":2499.89,"body":"You know, you will not be alone"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2499.89,"endTime":2503.76,"body":"in this. And there'll be people"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2499.89,"endTime":2503.76,"body":"and miracles. And that's so"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2503.76,"endTime":2505.8,"body":"beautiful. I'm really glad that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2503.76,"endTime":2505.8,"body":"you shared that."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2506.14,"endTime":2508.48,"body":"I still feel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2506.14,"endTime":2508.48,"body":"embarrassed. But it was a really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2508.48,"endTime":2512.17,"body":"beautiful experience. It was, it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2508.48,"endTime":2512.17,"body":"was something that like, really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2512.17,"endTime":2514.33,"body":"gave me a testimony that the God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2512.17,"endTime":2514.33,"body":"knows me."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2515.08,"endTime":2516.73,"body":"Well, I mean, it's a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2515.08,"endTime":2516.73,"body":"thing, I'm really glad that you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2516.73,"endTime":2520.06,"body":"shared it, because like your"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2516.73,"endTime":2520.06,"body":"humanity, and also, I think you"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2520.06,"endTime":2521.95,"body":"followed the spirit right there,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2520.06,"endTime":2521.95,"body":"you felt like you needed to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2521.95,"endTime":2525.34,"body":"share it. So I hope whoever"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2521.95,"endTime":2525.34,"body":"needed to hear that, like, finds"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2525.4,"endTime":2527.83,"body":"the message that they need to in"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2525.4,"endTime":2527.83,"body":"that story, because I think"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2527.83,"endTime":2530.65,"body":"that's really wonderful. Your"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2527.83,"endTime":2530.65,"body":"ability to contribute to the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2530.65,"endTime":2535.24,"body":"kingdom does not hinge on this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2530.65,"endTime":2535.24,"body":"one decision to serve a mission."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2535.66,"endTime":2539.32,"body":"Like if you have a desire, and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2535.66,"endTime":2539.32,"body":"it's like sincere and good and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2539.32,"endTime":2542.14,"body":"your desires to contribute to"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2539.32,"endTime":2542.14,"body":"the kingdom, like God will put"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2542.14,"endTime":2543.04,"body":"you where you need to be."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2543.51,"endTime":2545.31,"body":"There's this thought, I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2543.51,"endTime":2545.31,"body":"having work, like, my mission"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2545.31,"endTime":2547.8,"body":"was so important to me. And it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2545.31,"endTime":2547.8,"body":"really shaped the course of my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2547.8,"endTime":2549.66,"body":"life. Like I learned Spanish, my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2547.8,"endTime":2549.66,"body":"mission, I'd been a Spanish"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2549.66,"endTime":2552.48,"body":"teacher for more than a decade."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2549.66,"endTime":2552.48,"body":"And it really, it really shaped"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2552.48,"endTime":2554.37,"body":"the course of my life in many,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2552.48,"endTime":2554.37,"body":"many ways. I'm so grateful I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2554.37,"endTime":2557.13,"body":"went. And because I had such a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2554.37,"endTime":2557.13,"body":"good experience, I of course,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2557.13,"endTime":2560.31,"body":"want everyone to have that great"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2557.13,"endTime":2560.31,"body":"experience too. Similarly I know"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2560.31,"endTime":2562.89,"body":"people who just like love their"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2560.31,"endTime":2562.89,"body":"marriages and are so happy their"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2562.89,"endTime":2564.96,"body":"marriages. And they, \"Ben, this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2562.89,"endTime":2564.96,"body":"is such a great experience."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2564.96,"endTime":2568.2,"body":"Like, I want you to have this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2564.96,"endTime":2568.2,"body":"experience too.\" There are all"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2568.2,"endTime":2572.07,"body":"these beautiful experiences that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2568.2,"endTime":2572.07,"body":"we have. And I think the most"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2572.07,"endTime":2576.84,"body":"important thing is is trusting"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2572.07,"endTime":2576.84,"body":"that everyone will be in places"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2576.84,"endTime":2579.45,"body":"and have the experiences that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2576.84,"endTime":2579.45,"body":"they need. Like I because I had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2579.45,"endTime":2581.73,"body":"a great mission doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2579.45,"endTime":2581.73,"body":"that I need to tell everyone to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2581.73,"endTime":2585.51,"body":"go on a mission. So I think the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2581.73,"endTime":2585.51,"body":"key is, instead of saying this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2585.51,"endTime":2588.0,"body":"is my life has worked for me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2585.51,"endTime":2588.0,"body":"help people have their"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2588.0,"endTime":2590.19,"body":"connection with God. And we come"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2588.0,"endTime":2590.19,"body":"back to this all the time, but"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2590.22,"endTime":2592.77,"body":"but developing a personal"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2590.22,"endTime":2592.77,"body":"relationship with God, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2592.77,"endTime":2595.5,"body":"letting the spirit direct your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2592.77,"endTime":2595.5,"body":"decisions, so that you can make"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2595.5,"endTime":2597.93,"body":"decisions that are based on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2595.5,"endTime":2597.93,"body":"faith and trust and not on fear."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2598.35,"endTime":2601.65,"body":"Agency is such a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2598.35,"endTime":2601.65,"body":"beautiful part of this process."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2601.68,"endTime":2604.95,"body":"And I just think it'd be really"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2601.68,"endTime":2604.95,"body":"sad if you robbed yourself of"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2604.95,"endTime":2607.89,"body":"the opportunity to really think"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2604.95,"endTime":2607.89,"body":"about this and consider this"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2607.89,"endTime":2611.04,"body":"question because you made a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2607.89,"endTime":2611.04,"body":"decision based off of someone"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2611.04,"endTime":2612.24,"body":"else telling you what to do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2613.11,"endTime":2615.6,"body":"Sarah, as you were talking,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2613.11,"endTime":2615.6,"body":"I kind of envisioned someone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2615.6,"endTime":2617.73,"body":"listening to this podcast, who"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2615.6,"endTime":2617.73,"body":"felt like they should go on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2617.73,"endTime":2620.55,"body":"mission then chose not to go and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2617.73,"endTime":2620.55,"body":"might be feeling regret for that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2620.55,"endTime":2624.87,"body":"decision. And there's this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2620.55,"endTime":2624.87,"body":"beautiful part in 3 Nephi, where"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2624.9,"endTime":2628.14,"body":"before the Savior comes all the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2624.9,"endTime":2628.14,"body":"Nephites hear like the voice of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2628.14,"endTime":2631.41,"body":"the Lord, and He tells them you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2628.14,"endTime":2631.41,"body":"know, \"How often have I gathered"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2631.41,"endTime":2634.44,"body":"you as a hen gathereth her"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2631.41,"endTime":2634.44,"body":"chicks? How often what I have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2634.44,"endTime":2637.65,"body":"gathered, you? And have often"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2634.44,"endTime":2637.65,"body":"will I yet gather you?\" And just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2637.65,"endTime":2640.08,"body":"this idea that God gives us a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2637.65,"endTime":2640.08,"body":"lot of opportunities to do the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2640.08,"endTime":2643.08,"body":"right thing. And when we use our"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2640.08,"endTime":2643.08,"body":"agency in a way that isn't in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2643.26,"endTime":2647.37,"body":"line, in line with His will, we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2643.26,"endTime":2647.37,"body":"don't lose because He will give"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2647.37,"endTime":2648.48,"body":"us more opportunities."},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2648.63,"endTime":2651.27,"body":"I might not have had like"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2648.63,"endTime":2651.27,"body":"the belief that like someone"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2651.27,"endTime":2654.42,"body":"else's salvation hinged on my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2651.27,"endTime":2654.42,"body":"going on a mission are not going"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2654.42,"endTime":2661.41,"body":"on a mission? I wasn't Charlie"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2654.42,"endTime":2661.41,"body":"right? But I do think I know"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2661.41,"endTime":2665.91,"body":"that I was scared that what if I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2661.41,"endTime":2665.91,"body":"was going to be a lesser Sarah,"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2665.91,"endTime":2669.96,"body":"right? That if I talking about a"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2665.91,"endTime":2669.96,"body":"trajectory, that, oh my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2669.96,"endTime":2673.29,"body":"goodness, if I don't go for the"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2669.96,"endTime":2673.29,"body":"rest of my life, I will be less"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2673.29,"endTime":2678.09,"body":"than what I could have been if I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2673.29,"endTime":2678.09,"body":"had gone. And I have a very"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2678.09,"endTime":2682.2,"body":"powerful testimony that if I had"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2678.09,"endTime":2682.2,"body":"been prompted to go and I then"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2682.2,"endTime":2685.74,"body":"that perhaps that I would be on"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2682.2,"endTime":2685.74,"body":"the same exact path that I'm on"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2685.74,"endTime":2688.71,"body":"right now. I really do believe"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2685.74,"endTime":2688.71,"body":"that. I think asking the Lord"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2688.71,"endTime":2692.04,"body":"that question. If you're going"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2688.71,"endTime":2692.04,"body":"on a mission seems so big and"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2692.04,"endTime":2695.28,"body":"scary, maybe asking the question"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2692.04,"endTime":2695.28,"body":"of \"Lord, where do you want me"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2695.28,"endTime":2698.76,"body":"to be? Like these are my"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2695.28,"endTime":2698.76,"body":"desires. I want to do good. I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2698.76,"endTime":2703.26,"body":"want to be--I'm afraid of not"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2698.76,"endTime":2703.26,"body":"being all that I can be. Where"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2703.26,"endTime":2706.2,"body":"do you want me to be so that I"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2703.26,"endTime":2706.2,"body":"can accomplish like your will?\""},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2706.71,"endTime":2708.93,"body":"God is like showing that he's"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2706.71,"endTime":2708.93,"body":"loved me when I've asked that"},{"speaker":"Sarah","startTime":2708.93,"endTime":2709.32,"body":"question."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2710.64,"endTime":2712.53,"body":"Well, Sarah, thank you so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2710.64,"endTime":2712.53,"body":"much for joining us today. We're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2712.53,"endTime":2715.59,"body":"so glad to have you here. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2712.53,"endTime":2715.59,"body":"just, you're a great friend as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2715.59,"endTime":2717.54,"body":"well. I love having you in my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2715.59,"endTime":2717.54,"body":"life."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2718.29,"endTime":2720.48,"body":"Thank you for joining"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2718.29,"endTime":2720.48,"body":"us today. If you have enjoyed"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2720.48,"endTime":2722.97,"body":"this or other episodes, please"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2720.48,"endTime":2722.97,"body":"consider leaving us an Apple"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2722.97,"endTime":2726.0,"body":"podcast review. And as always,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2722.97,"endTime":2726.0,"body":"please remember that we do not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2726.0,"endTime":2728.55,"body":"represent the Church of Jesus"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2726.0,"endTime":2728.55,"body":"Christ of Latter-day Saints or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2728.55,"endTime":2731.4,"body":"Brigham Young University. We are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2728.55,"endTime":2731.4,"body":"not trying to be prescriptive or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2731.4,"endTime":2733.14,"body":"tell anyone what to think or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2731.4,"endTime":2733.14,"body":"what to do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2733.66,"endTime":2735.43,"body":"You've heard three"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2733.66,"endTime":2735.43,"body":"perspectives and there are many,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2735.46,"endTime":2738.01,"body":"many more. We encourage you to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2735.46,"endTime":2738.01,"body":"listen to other voices and your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2738.01,"endTime":2740.86,"body":"wide variety of experiences. If"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2738.01,"endTime":2740.86,"body":"you'd like to submit a question"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2740.92,"endTime":2743.65,"body":"or share a comment about today's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2740.92,"endTime":2743.65,"body":"episode, you can email us at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2744.7,"endTime":2746.65,"body":"questionsfromthecloset@gmail.com."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2744.7,"endTime":2746.65,"body":"Until next time..."}]}