{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":5.79,"endTime":8.16,"body":"Welcome to questions"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":5.79,"endTime":8.16,"body":"from the closet. I'm Charlie"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":8.16,"endTime":8.52,"body":"Bird."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":8.67,"endTime":11.46,"body":"And I'm Ben Schilaty. Each"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":8.67,"endTime":11.46,"body":"episode we discuss a question"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":11.46,"endTime":14.07,"body":"that we commonly get asked as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":11.46,"endTime":14.07,"body":"LGBTQ Latter-day Saints."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":14.31,"endTime":16.47,"body":"We are not trying to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":14.31,"endTime":16.47,"body":"answer this question or come to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":16.47,"endTime":18.87,"body":"a consensus but simply sharing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":16.47,"endTime":18.87,"body":"our perspectives."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":18.99,"endTime":21.87,"body":"Today's question is, \"What"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":18.99,"endTime":21.87,"body":"do I do if I have a crush on my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":21.87,"endTime":22.29,"body":"roommate?\""},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":23.07,"endTime":25.05,"body":"Ben and I are not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":23.07,"endTime":25.05,"body":"terribly diverse, and we share"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":25.05,"endTime":28.26,"body":"many opinions and life"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":25.05,"endTime":28.26,"body":"experiences. For example, we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":28.26,"endTime":30.69,"body":"both had a crush on the same guy"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":28.26,"endTime":30.69,"body":"at one point."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":31.11,"endTime":33.33,"body":"However, there are some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":31.11,"endTime":33.33,"body":"pretty big differences. For"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":33.33,"endTime":36.12,"body":"example, He liked Charlie, but"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":33.33,"endTime":36.12,"body":"he didn't like me."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":38.07,"endTime":39.51,"body":"Ben, why do you do this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":38.07,"endTime":39.51,"body":"to me?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":39.78,"endTime":41.4,"body":"I think self-deprecating"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":39.78,"endTime":41.4,"body":"humor is fun."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":41.84,"endTime":45.89,"body":"At my expense always."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":41.84,"endTime":45.89,"body":"Alas, it is true. And I felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":45.89,"endTime":47.27,"body":"really awkward about it."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":47.63,"endTime":50.96,"body":"It was fine. Also, it was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":47.63,"endTime":50.96,"body":"odd because we don't usually"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":50.96,"endTime":51.92,"body":"like the same kinds of people."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":51.95,"endTime":52.37,"body":"Never"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":52.37,"endTime":53.06,"body":"We have different ..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":53.09,"endTime":54.53,"body":"We have very different"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":53.09,"endTime":54.53,"body":"types."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":54.6,"endTime":58.11,"body":"So So when all happened, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":54.6,"endTime":58.11,"body":"was like, Oh, that's surprising,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":58.14,"endTime":58.95,"body":"but I was okay with it."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":59.01,"endTime":61.8,"body":"I was also surprised."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":59.01,"endTime":61.8,"body":"It didn't work out for anyone"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":61.8,"endTime":62.04,"body":"though."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":62.1,"endTime":63.78,"body":"No one got any love?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":64.05,"endTime":66.33,"body":"Well, we would like to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":64.05,"endTime":66.33,"body":"provide a variety of voices and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":66.33,"endTime":69.09,"body":"perspectives. So today we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":66.33,"endTime":69.09,"body":"joined by Zach Ibarra."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":69.54,"endTime":70.02,"body":"Hi"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":70.05,"endTime":71.07,"body":"We're happy to have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":70.05,"endTime":71.07,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":71.25,"endTime":72.06,"body":"Tell us about yourself."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":72.15,"endTime":75.06,"body":"I'm a student at"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":72.15,"endTime":75.06,"body":"BYU studying interdisciplinary"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":75.06,"endTime":75.93,"body":"humanities."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":76.14,"endTime":77.16,"body":"What does that mean?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":77.19,"endTime":78.9,"body":"It's like all the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":77.19,"endTime":78.9,"body":"different kinds of humanities"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":78.9,"endTime":81.09,"body":"Like art, and music, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":78.9,"endTime":81.09,"body":"literature..."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":81.0,"endTime":83.52,"body":"And politics, and"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":81.0,"endTime":83.52,"body":"how those things tied together"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":83.52,"endTime":85.86,"body":"to create the cultural movements"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":83.52,"endTime":85.86,"body":"of whatever time you're"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":85.86,"endTime":89.97,"body":"studying. Fun, it is fun. We sit"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":85.86,"endTime":89.97,"body":"in semi circles a lot and talk"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":89.97,"endTime":92.52,"body":"about books. So it's a really"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":89.97,"endTime":92.52,"body":"good time."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":92.55,"endTime":93.72,"body":"Sounds like a thrill a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":92.55,"endTime":93.72,"body":"minute."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":94.11,"endTime":98.46,"body":"I've been out for"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":94.11,"endTime":98.46,"body":"five years now. Actually, I'm a"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":98.46,"endTime":104.55,"body":"convert. And I'm Mexican. So I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":98.46,"endTime":104.55,"body":"think I've ticked a lot of boxes"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":104.55,"endTime":106.68,"body":"for your podcast and for this"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":104.55,"endTime":106.68,"body":"university."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":107.43,"endTime":109.5,"body":"Cool. And how do you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":107.43,"endTime":109.5,"body":"pronounce your last name, Zach."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":109.75,"endTime":111.52,"body":"So this is such a"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":109.75,"endTime":111.52,"body":"point of contention in my"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":111.52,"endTime":112.06,"body":"family."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":112.12,"endTime":114.22,"body":"Is it really? Did I say"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":112.12,"endTime":114.22,"body":"it wrong?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":114.55,"endTime":117.82,"body":"No, I don't. So"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":114.55,"endTime":117.82,"body":"when I was growing up, me and my"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":117.82,"endTime":120.97,"body":"nuclear family always said"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":117.82,"endTime":120.97,"body":"I-Berra. And then as soon as I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":120.97,"endTime":124.36,"body":"got to BYU--with I'm from Ohio,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":120.97,"endTime":124.36,"body":"from a very, very white"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":124.36,"endTime":128.05,"body":"town--and then as soon as I got"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":124.36,"endTime":128.05,"body":"to BYU, everyone, all these RM"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":128.05,"endTime":130.9,"body":"started saying \"E-Barra\", and I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":128.05,"endTime":130.9,"body":"was like, well, that's not how I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":130.9,"endTime":133.42,"body":"say my name. And they're like,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":130.9,"endTime":133.42,"body":"well, I served in blah, blah,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":133.42,"endTime":135.88,"body":"blah, and it would be"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":133.42,"endTime":135.88,"body":"pronounced, \"E-Barra\". And I'm"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":135.88,"endTime":140.08,"body":"like, okay, that might be true."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":135.88,"endTime":140.08,"body":"But in Perrysburg, Ohio, that is"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":140.08,"endTime":145.0,"body":"not what we said. And now I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":140.08,"endTime":145.0,"body":"don't totally know what my last"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":145.0,"endTime":146.59,"body":"name pronunciation should be."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":146.63,"endTime":148.97,"body":"See I was one of those RM's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":146.63,"endTime":148.97,"body":"and I apologize for correcting"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":148.97,"endTime":150.8,"body":"you on how you pronounce your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":148.97,"endTime":150.8,"body":"last name, because my last name"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":150.8,"endTime":153.86,"body":"actually has an Arabic origin."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":150.8,"endTime":153.86,"body":"And I don't even know how to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":153.86,"endTime":155.57,"body":"pronounce it in Arabic. And if"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":153.86,"endTime":155.57,"body":"someone is like \"it's not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":155.57,"endTime":157.91,"body":"Schilaty. It's...\" however, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":155.57,"endTime":157.91,"body":"would say my last name and non"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":157.91,"endTime":160.46,"body":"anglicised Arabic, then I would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":157.91,"endTime":160.46,"body":"probably be annoyed."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":160.55,"endTime":162.77,"body":"Far back in your"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":160.55,"endTime":162.77,"body":"history. You've had some Arabs"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":162.77,"endTime":163.31,"body":"in your line?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":163.37,"endTime":165.59,"body":"Yes, my my great"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":163.37,"endTime":165.59,"body":"grandparents are from Lebanon."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":165.8,"endTime":166.82,"body":"Oh, cool. What?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":166.85,"endTime":168.71,"body":"Yeah, you can see my nose,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":166.85,"endTime":168.71,"body":"I have a Lebanese nose."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":169.49,"endTime":171.32,"body":"Well, today we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":169.49,"endTime":171.32,"body":"talking about crushes. What to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":171.32,"endTime":173.78,"body":"do when you have a crush. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":171.32,"endTime":173.78,"body":"specifically the question we got"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":173.78,"endTime":176.39,"body":"was what to do if you have a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":173.78,"endTime":176.39,"body":"crush on a roommate. But I think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":176.39,"endTime":178.58,"body":"we're probably just going to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":176.39,"endTime":178.58,"body":"talk about crushes in general as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":178.58,"endTime":181.46,"body":"well. And to prepare for it. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":178.58,"endTime":181.46,"body":"just want everyone to know that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":181.46,"endTime":183.41,"body":"we did listen to \"Crush\" by"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":181.46,"endTime":183.41,"body":"David Archuleta."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":184.13,"endTime":186.17,"body":"It was a wonderful"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":184.13,"endTime":186.17,"body":"warm up exercise."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":186.17,"endTime":187.49,"body":"So we are ready to go."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":187.52,"endTime":188.84,"body":"Charlie sang and danced."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":189.08,"endTime":192.68,"body":"I remember the first"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":189.08,"endTime":192.68,"body":"time I came out with a crush, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":192.68,"endTime":194.93,"body":"was really nervous. So the first"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":192.68,"endTime":194.93,"body":"person I ever came out to was my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":194.93,"endTime":197.69,"body":"cousin Rachel. A couple weeks"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":194.93,"endTime":197.69,"body":"later, she was visiting again."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":197.96,"endTime":200.96,"body":"And I had never told anybody"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":197.96,"endTime":200.96,"body":"that I had a crush on this guy."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":201.77,"endTime":204.95,"body":"And I was like, I have to tell"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":201.77,"endTime":204.95,"body":"her and I just was like, feeling"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":204.95,"endTime":208.94,"body":"it. And it was basically like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":204.95,"endTime":208.94,"body":"the entire feeling of coming out"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":209.0,"endTime":211.49,"body":"over again. I was so nervous to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":209.0,"endTime":211.49,"body":"tell her I didn't know what she"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":211.49,"endTime":215.15,"body":"was gonna do or think or say."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":211.49,"endTime":215.15,"body":"And it took me like 30 minutes"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":215.15,"endTime":218.09,"body":"to actually get it out. Because"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":215.15,"endTime":218.09,"body":"she knew this person as well."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":218.81,"endTime":224.87,"body":"And after I told her, she was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":218.81,"endTime":224.87,"body":"like, \"That's it? That is it?\""},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":224.87,"endTime":227.57,"body":"I'm like, \"Yes, it's a big"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":224.87,"endTime":227.57,"body":"deal.\" And she's like, \"Three"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":227.57,"endTime":229.52,"body":"weeks ago, you told me you're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":227.57,"endTime":229.52,"body":"gay. And now you think I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":229.52,"endTime":231.98,"body":"be shocked when you say you have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":229.52,"endTime":231.98,"body":"a crush on a guy? What do you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":231.98,"endTime":236.03,"body":"think being gay is?\" I was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":231.98,"endTime":236.03,"body":"okay, you make a pretty good"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":236.03,"endTime":236.51,"body":"point there."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":236.78,"endTime":239.57,"body":"But it does feel"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":236.78,"endTime":239.57,"body":"scary to admit you're like not"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":239.57,"endTime":242.93,"body":"only do I like guys, I actually"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":239.57,"endTime":242.93,"body":"do like specific ones sometimes."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":242.96,"endTime":243.83,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":243.98,"endTime":244.58,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":244.76,"endTime":247.64,"body":"I remember the first time I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":244.76,"endTime":247.64,"body":"one of my friends called me and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":247.76,"endTime":250.49,"body":"I was having a tough day. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":247.76,"endTime":250.49,"body":"she asked me how I was doing. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":250.49,"endTime":253.49,"body":"was like, \"Oh, things are hard."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":250.49,"endTime":253.49,"body":"I have a crush on someone.\" And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":253.49,"endTime":256.4,"body":"she said, \"What's her name?\" I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":253.49,"endTime":256.4,"body":"said, \"Well, HIS name is...\" It"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":256.4,"endTime":258.86,"body":"was like the first time ever,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":256.4,"endTime":258.86,"body":"like said, I have a crush on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":258.86,"endTime":261.2,"body":"this specific boy. And that was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":258.86,"endTime":261.2,"body":"kind of that was scary."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":261.29,"endTime":264.83,"body":"Taking it from like, in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":261.29,"endTime":264.83,"body":"general to a to a single person"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":264.98,"endTime":267.32,"body":"is much harder to admit. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":264.98,"endTime":267.32,"body":"sure why."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":267.0,"endTime":269.67,"body":"I think it admits,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":267.0,"endTime":269.67,"body":"you know, people..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":269.7,"endTime":270.51,"body":"It makes it real."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":270.54,"endTime":272.94,"body":"People outside and"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":270.54,"endTime":272.94,"body":"people that are in the LGBT"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":272.94,"endTime":275.73,"body":"community who have this"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":272.94,"endTime":275.73,"body":"religious framework are scared"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":275.73,"endTime":278.64,"body":"that we'll do any number of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":275.73,"endTime":278.64,"body":"things. And so the second that"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":278.64,"endTime":280.92,"body":"you're like, \"Oh, I like this"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":278.64,"endTime":280.92,"body":"boy.\" They're like, \"Are you"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":280.92,"endTime":282.84,"body":"leaving the church for him?\" And"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":280.92,"endTime":282.84,"body":"it's like, well, what's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":282.84,"endTime":284.88,"body":"interesting is he hasn't even"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":282.84,"endTime":284.88,"body":"followed me back on Instagram."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":284.88,"endTime":285.84,"body":"So no..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":287.1,"endTime":287.94,"body":"That's heartbreaking."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":288.66,"endTime":290.19,"body":"Oh, that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":288.66,"endTime":290.19,"body":"happen to me. I was just using"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":290.19,"endTime":295.17,"body":"examples. Charlie, I had"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":290.19,"endTime":295.17,"body":"followed you on Instagram a"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":295.17,"endTime":297.21,"body":"couple of years ago and you did"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":295.17,"endTime":297.21,"body":"not follow me back."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":297.21,"endTime":297.27,"body":"No!"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":299.64,"endTime":301.44,"body":"It's when we didn't"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":299.64,"endTime":301.44,"body":"actually know each other, but I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":301.44,"endTime":301.62,"body":"knew"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":301.62,"endTime":303.42,"body":"Am I gonna get put on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":301.62,"endTime":303.42,"body":"blast all the time in this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":303.42,"endTime":303.99,"body":"episode?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":304.08,"endTime":306.36,"body":"I knew a bunch of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":304.08,"endTime":306.36,"body":"your friends and I was like,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":306.6,"endTime":309.27,"body":"well, you weren't out. But"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":306.6,"endTime":309.27,"body":"anyway, I didn't get the follow"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":309.27,"endTime":315.0,"body":"back. I do now. So. So in"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":309.27,"endTime":315.0,"body":"preparation for this, I went"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":315.0,"endTime":322.5,"body":"through some of my roommates,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":315.0,"endTime":322.5,"body":"and I had like so, my sophomore"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":322.5,"endTime":325.86,"body":"year at BYU, I lived at The"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":322.5,"endTime":325.86,"body":"Village for anyone not familiar"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":325.86,"endTime":329.19,"body":"with Provo housing, The Village"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":325.86,"endTime":329.19,"body":"is they call it \"the tool shed.\""},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":329.57,"endTime":330.44,"body":"It's boujee."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":330.71,"endTime":332.66,"body":"It's a little"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":330.71,"endTime":332.66,"body":"boujee. But it's also full of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":332.66,"endTime":336.38,"body":"just like guys who like the"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":332.66,"endTime":336.38,"body":"summer sales bro, Business"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":336.38,"endTime":340.28,"body":"major. And so I had a crush on"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":336.38,"endTime":340.28,"body":"one of my roommates, who is that"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":340.28,"endTime":342.5,"body":"exact thing--he worked out all"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":340.28,"endTime":342.5,"body":"the time. He was a business"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":342.5,"endTime":344.9,"body":"major. He was an"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":342.5,"endTime":344.9,"body":"entrepreneur--of what? I don't"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":344.9,"endTime":346.88,"body":"really know. His dad was a"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":344.9,"endTime":346.88,"body":"millionaire."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":346.94,"endTime":347.72,"body":"He probably didn't know"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":346.94,"endTime":347.72,"body":"either."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":348.05,"endTime":352.55,"body":"No I'm sure he"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":348.05,"endTime":352.55,"body":"didn't. And like I was trying to"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":352.55,"endTime":355.01,"body":"prepare and think of if there"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":352.55,"endTime":355.01,"body":"was anything crazy that came of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":355.01,"endTime":356.93,"body":"it. But the answer is no,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":355.01,"endTime":356.93,"body":"because crushes are fun and"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":356.93,"endTime":360.08,"body":"pretty harmless usually. And so"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":356.93,"endTime":360.08,"body":"I had a crush on Smitty, I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":360.08,"endTime":363.29,"body":"thought he was cute. And I have"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":360.08,"endTime":363.29,"body":"no idea what he's up to today,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":363.29,"endTime":366.38,"body":"because that was several years"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":363.29,"endTime":366.38,"body":"ago, and he was straight, and it"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":366.38,"endTime":369.71,"body":"just didn't matter. You know, we"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":366.38,"endTime":369.71,"body":"don't need to catastrophize"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":369.77,"endTime":372.23,"body":"having a crush on someone"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":369.77,"endTime":372.23,"body":"crushes are cute, and they're"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":372.23,"endTime":373.64,"body":"fun. They just kind of happen."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":373.94,"endTime":376.49,"body":"I remember like it was at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":373.94,"endTime":376.49,"body":"the time I was coming out. So I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":376.49,"endTime":379.28,"body":"still like working through a lot"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":376.49,"endTime":379.28,"body":"of like, internal feelings. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":379.28,"endTime":382.16,"body":"so liking him wasn't a thing"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":379.28,"endTime":382.16,"body":"that was okay, like, that was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":382.16,"endTime":384.92,"body":"bad. I want to get rid of those"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":382.16,"endTime":384.92,"body":"feelings. And I was just worried"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":384.92,"endTime":387.5,"body":"that he would get married, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":384.92,"endTime":387.5,"body":"then leave me behind. And then I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":387.5,"endTime":390.83,"body":"wouldn't have this friend"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":387.5,"endTime":390.83,"body":"anymore. So I set him up with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":390.83,"endTime":393.74,"body":"one of my best girlfriends, so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":390.83,"endTime":393.74,"body":"they would get married. And then"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":393.74,"endTime":395.45,"body":"I could like, always have them"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":393.74,"endTime":395.45,"body":"in my life."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":395.63,"endTime":396.26,"body":"Did it work?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":396.29,"endTime":397.01,"body":"it did not work."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":397.52,"endTime":398.99,"body":"That's like, so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":397.52,"endTime":398.99,"body":"precious."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":399.02,"endTime":400.22,"body":"I know. I know."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":400.36,"endTime":401.89,"body":"But when you're in"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":400.36,"endTime":401.89,"body":"the midst of it, those feelings"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":401.89,"endTime":404.77,"body":"are so overwhelming. It's like,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":401.89,"endTime":404.77,"body":"I can think of nothing else. But"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":404.77,"endTime":406.63,"body":"this. I mean, depending on"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":404.77,"endTime":406.63,"body":"there's different levels of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":406.63,"endTime":408.73,"body":"having a crush on someone,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":406.63,"endTime":408.73,"body":"right? I had a baby crush on"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":408.73,"endTime":412.45,"body":"Smitty. We were not compatible"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":408.73,"endTime":412.45,"body":"in any way. He was just my cute"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":412.45,"endTime":414.91,"body":"roommate I lived with. But then"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":412.45,"endTime":414.91,"body":"sometimes you have a crush on"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":414.91,"endTime":417.94,"body":"someone and you're like, where"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":414.91,"endTime":417.94,"body":"would we get married? Like, what"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":418.12,"endTime":420.52,"body":"would my life look like with"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":418.12,"endTime":420.52,"body":"this person? There's just"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":420.52,"endTime":422.35,"body":"different levels of crushes that"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":420.52,"endTime":422.35,"body":"we could acknowledge"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":422.38,"endTime":424.63,"body":"Crushes happen"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":422.38,"endTime":424.63,"body":"naturally, and they're nothing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":424.63,"endTime":427.18,"body":"to be ashamed of. So I talked to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":424.63,"endTime":427.18,"body":"a lot of people who like feel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":427.18,"endTime":430.57,"body":"terrible that they have a crush"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":427.18,"endTime":430.57,"body":"on the roommate, even more so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":430.57,"endTime":432.55,"body":"when they're straight. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":430.57,"endTime":432.55,"body":"he's like, he won't even like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":432.55,"endTime":435.79,"body":"me. And like, I feel like weird"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":432.55,"endTime":435.79,"body":"and gross, because like, I have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":435.79,"endTime":439.0,"body":"a crush on him. But like, it's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":435.79,"endTime":439.0,"body":"fine. Like, you're gonna be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":439.0,"endTime":441.7,"body":"okay. That's the, that's normal."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":439.0,"endTime":441.7,"body":"And there's nothing wrong with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":441.7,"endTime":442.06,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":442.9,"endTime":445.24,"body":"Can I talk about this guy"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":442.9,"endTime":445.24,"body":"that you...  that liked both of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":445.24,"endTime":449.23,"body":"us? Yes. Okay. So this actually"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":445.24,"endTime":449.23,"body":"was recent history. This was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":449.23,"endTime":452.38,"body":"just a couple years ago. I liked"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":449.23,"endTime":452.38,"body":"this guy right away. When we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":452.38,"endTime":455.8,"body":"met, we were in the same ward."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":452.38,"endTime":455.8,"body":"And we became fast friends. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":455.8,"endTime":457.78,"body":"we were like, hanging out at my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":455.8,"endTime":457.78,"body":"house on the back porch one"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":457.78,"endTime":460.18,"body":"night, and we both knew that we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":457.78,"endTime":460.18,"body":"were gay, and it was all cool"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":460.18,"endTime":462.37,"body":"and whatnot. And then he was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":460.18,"endTime":462.37,"body":"just like, asked me really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":462.37,"endTime":464.17,"body":"general question like, \"You"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":462.37,"endTime":464.17,"body":"know, what do you do when you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":464.17,"endTime":468.01,"body":"have a crush on someone and you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":464.17,"endTime":468.01,"body":"can't date them?\" And I gave"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":468.01,"endTime":470.83,"body":"some, like, general response."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":468.01,"endTime":470.83,"body":"And but a piece of advice I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":470.83,"endTime":472.93,"body":"often give people they're like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":470.83,"endTime":472.93,"body":"\"I like so and so.\" And I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":472.93,"endTime":475.9,"body":"like, \"You're an adult, if you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":472.93,"endTime":475.9,"body":"like someone tell them like, as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":475.9,"endTime":479.41,"body":"adults, we don't hide our"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":475.9,"endTime":479.41,"body":"feelings.\" So he's like, \"You"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":479.41,"endTime":480.55,"body":"know, what would you do if he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":479.41,"endTime":480.55,"body":"had a crush?\" Like this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":480.55,"endTime":483.22,"body":"hypothetical, I was like, well,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":480.55,"endTime":483.22,"body":"I actually have a crush on this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":483.22,"endTime":485.08,"body":"guy. So I was like, well, I'll"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":483.22,"endTime":485.08,"body":"take my own advice. I was like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":485.41,"endTime":487.15,"body":"\"Actually, if I could go on a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":485.41,"endTime":487.15,"body":"date with someone like-- you're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":487.15,"endTime":489.64,"body":"who I would want to go on a date"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":487.15,"endTime":489.64,"body":"with.\" Then at that moment, my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":489.64,"endTime":492.07,"body":"landlady came out and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":489.64,"endTime":492.07,"body":"interrupted us."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":492.31,"endTime":493.03,"body":"Classic."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":493.6,"endTime":496.18,"body":"And like, needed my help"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":493.6,"endTime":496.18,"body":"inside, so I like, went inside"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":496.21,"endTime":497.95,"body":"and took a break from the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":496.21,"endTime":497.95,"body":"conversation."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":497.95,"endTime":499.12,"body":"Ruminate on that for a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":497.95,"endTime":499.12,"body":"minute."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":499.48,"endTime":502.93,"body":"And then I come out and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":499.48,"endTime":502.93,"body":"he's helping he's helping one of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":502.93,"endTime":505.96,"body":"my friends with her homework."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":502.93,"endTime":505.96,"body":"And I'm like, what are we gonna"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":505.96,"endTime":509.56,"body":"do? And then my landlady was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":505.96,"endTime":509.56,"body":"like, \"Oh, you play the piano"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":509.56,"endTime":511.72,"body":"come and play the piano for us.\""},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":509.56,"endTime":511.72,"body":"And this guy, then played the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":511.72,"endTime":514.81,"body":"piano for us for like, 20"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":511.72,"endTime":514.81,"body":"minutes. And then my landlady"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":514.81,"endTime":517.72,"body":"told us the whole history of her"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":514.81,"endTime":517.72,"body":"house and spent like an hour and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":517.72,"endTime":521.02,"body":"a half. And he's like, \"Well, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":517.72,"endTime":521.02,"body":"should probably go home and go"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":521.02,"endTime":523.93,"body":"to bed now.\" And I was like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":521.02,"endTime":523.93,"body":"\"Let me walk you outside.\" So"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":523.93,"endTime":526.24,"body":"you get to the front porch. He's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":523.93,"endTime":526.24,"body":"like, \"So you were saying"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":526.24,"endTime":526.81,"body":"something?\""},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":527.17,"endTime":528.64,"body":"And you're like, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":527.17,"endTime":528.64,"body":"remember that?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":528.66,"endTime":531.45,"body":"And I was like, \"Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":528.66,"endTime":531.45,"body":"guess I like you.\" And I didn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":531.45,"endTime":534.93,"body":"say it very, very articulately."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":531.45,"endTime":534.93,"body":"And he was like, \"Well, I like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":534.93,"endTime":536.88,"body":"you, too. I think you're really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":534.93,"endTime":536.88,"body":"great.\" And I was like, \"Oh,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":536.88,"endTime":539.1,"body":"well, that's good to know.\" And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":536.88,"endTime":539.1,"body":"he's like, \"And I really want to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":539.1,"endTime":542.97,"body":"kiss you.\" And I was like, \"We"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":539.1,"endTime":542.97,"body":"can not do that.\" Like I was a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":542.97,"endTime":545.07,"body":"BYU student. Like that's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":542.97,"endTime":545.07,"body":"definitely not okay, so we did"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":545.07,"endTime":547.65,"body":"not kiss and then we hung out a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":545.07,"endTime":547.65,"body":"lot for like a week and a half"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":547.65,"endTime":549.27,"body":"and then he got to know me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":547.65,"endTime":549.27,"body":"better and stopped liking me."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":551.34,"endTime":553.71,"body":"That is so tragic."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":551.34,"endTime":553.71,"body":"That's such a fun story with a"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":553.71,"endTime":554.7,"body":"tragic ending."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":554.91,"endTime":555.84,"body":"Enter Charlie."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":558.48,"endTime":560.85,"body":"But he did not know you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":558.48,"endTime":560.85,"body":"then, he met you like a year"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":560.85,"endTime":565.29,"body":"later. Yeah. Um, but I usually"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":560.85,"endTime":565.29,"body":"I'm pretty good at not liking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":565.29,"endTime":569.91,"body":"someone. Like I I rarely have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":565.29,"endTime":569.91,"body":"crushes on people. I don't know."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":569.91,"endTime":572.79,"body":"I'm just a very intentional"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":569.91,"endTime":572.79,"body":"person. So like, I'll have these"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":572.79,"endTime":574.77,"body":"like little baby crushes. Like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":572.79,"endTime":574.77,"body":"you said, Zach. But like just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":574.77,"endTime":577.08,"body":"fun things but not like actual"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":574.77,"endTime":577.08,"body":"interest in something like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":577.08,"endTime":581.31,"body":"that's pretty rare for me. And,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":577.08,"endTime":581.31,"body":"but this like, crush did not go"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":581.31,"endTime":584.37,"body":"away. I was like, really, really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":581.31,"endTime":584.37,"body":"liked him. And this was a fairly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":584.37,"endTime":587.19,"body":"new experience for me. And it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":584.37,"endTime":587.19,"body":"was really hard, actually. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":587.19,"endTime":590.52,"body":"had to tell myself a number of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":587.19,"endTime":590.52,"body":"times, like I would tell myself"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":590.52,"endTime":593.22,"body":"like \"Ben, you are so stupid,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":590.52,"endTime":593.22,"body":"like, he doesn't like you. Why"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":593.22,"endTime":595.68,"body":"are you being such an idiot? And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":593.22,"endTime":595.68,"body":"why are you liking him?\" And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":595.68,"endTime":597.99,"body":"then I would tell myself like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":595.68,"endTime":597.99,"body":"\"No, it's okay. Like, these are"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":597.99,"endTime":600.3,"body":"my feelings and it's okay to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":597.99,"endTime":600.3,"body":"have these feelings. I don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":600.3,"endTime":603.21,"body":"need to turn them off.\" And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":600.3,"endTime":603.21,"body":"just had to, like, be mindful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":603.21,"endTime":605.82,"body":"about that. And sometimes I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":603.21,"endTime":605.82,"body":"would like text him to hang out"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":605.82,"endTime":608.58,"body":"and he would be busy or wasn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":605.82,"endTime":608.58,"body":"interested. And that would like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":608.58,"endTime":611.73,"body":"really hurt. And so before then,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":608.58,"endTime":611.73,"body":"like, before I texted, I'd like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":611.76,"endTime":614.28,"body":"run through my head, like what I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":611.76,"endTime":614.28,"body":"would tell my clients, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":614.28,"endTime":616.92,"body":"well prepare yourself for the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":614.28,"endTime":616.92,"body":"reactions like, Okay, well, how"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":616.92,"endTime":619.59,"body":"will I feel if he won't want to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":616.92,"endTime":619.59,"body":"hang out with me? You know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":619.59,"endTime":622.74,"body":"that'll be sad, but I'll be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":619.59,"endTime":622.74,"body":"fine. And I'll move on. And so I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":622.74,"endTime":624.36,"body":"texted him, and he's like, \"I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":622.74,"endTime":624.36,"body":"don't wanna hang out with you.\""},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":624.39,"endTime":627.75,"body":"But it wasn't like that. Like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":624.39,"endTime":627.75,"body":"we were legit good friends. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":627.75,"endTime":629.91,"body":"then I would have already worked"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":627.75,"endTime":629.91,"body":"through those feelings. So it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":629.91,"endTime":632.88,"body":"was okay. And I remember one"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":629.91,"endTime":632.88,"body":"time, I was like, really sad"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":632.88,"endTime":635.16,"body":"that he didn't like me. And as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":632.88,"endTime":635.16,"body":"we were like, driving away from"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":635.16,"endTime":637.38,"body":"this, like time we had hung out,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":635.16,"endTime":637.38,"body":"like realizing that feeling sad"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":637.38,"endTime":639.66,"body":"about I was like, what does this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":637.38,"endTime":639.66,"body":"say about me that he doesn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":639.66,"endTime":643.05,"body":"like me? And I immediately"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":639.66,"endTime":643.05,"body":"thought, absolutely nothing."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":643.83,"endTime":645.06,"body":"Like it says nothing about me."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":645.0,"endTime":647.7,"body":"I'm so impressed."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":645.0,"endTime":647.7,"body":"That was your thought, because I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":647.73,"endTime":651.18,"body":"don't have that second thought,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":647.73,"endTime":651.18,"body":"I go, Well, it means all of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":651.18,"endTime":652.08,"body":"these things."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":652.83,"endTime":654.51,"body":"I have too much"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":652.83,"endTime":654.51,"body":"self-confidence."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":655.14,"endTime":656.46,"body":"Too many years of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":655.14,"endTime":656.46,"body":"therapy training."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":656.49,"endTime":656.85,"body":"Thank you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":656.91,"endTime":659.34,"body":"I think that's healthy,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":656.91,"endTime":659.34,"body":"though. Because before I came"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":659.34,"endTime":663.39,"body":"out, it was almost like you hate"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":659.34,"endTime":663.39,"body":"yourself so much. You kind of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":663.39,"endTime":666.03,"body":"just like want to have a crush"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":663.39,"endTime":666.03,"body":"on anything that will like you,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":666.33,"endTime":669.21,"body":"right? And then if they don't,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":666.33,"endTime":669.21,"body":"you're like, wow, I really am"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":669.21,"endTime":672.9,"body":"nothing. And I think that's a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":669.21,"endTime":672.9,"body":"dangerous trap to get into,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":672.9,"endTime":676.02,"body":"like, sometimes you're just not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":672.9,"endTime":676.02,"body":"compatible with someone and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":676.02,"endTime":678.57,"body":"someone doesn't like you back."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":676.02,"endTime":678.57,"body":"And that's fine. It doesn't it's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":678.57,"endTime":681.36,"body":"not a reflection of who you are,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":678.57,"endTime":681.36,"body":"or what you look like, or how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":681.36,"endTime":684.27,"body":"you act, or if you're funny or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":681.36,"endTime":684.27,"body":"smart, or whatever. A lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":684.27,"endTime":687.18,"body":"times, it's just like, not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":684.27,"endTime":687.18,"body":"compatible. You know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":687.6,"endTime":690.42,"body":"Zach, what do you do when"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":687.6,"endTime":690.42,"body":"you like someone who is gay and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":690.48,"endTime":691.41,"body":"might not like you back?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":691.84,"endTime":694.3,"body":"So that's a really"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":691.84,"endTime":694.3,"body":"interesting caveat that you put"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":694.3,"endTime":696.31,"body":"there. Because I don't know if"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":694.3,"endTime":696.31,"body":"you guys have ever talked about"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":696.31,"endTime":699.4,"body":"on here--falling in love with"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":696.31,"endTime":699.4,"body":"straight men? But I think that's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":699.4,"endTime":702.76,"body":"an experience that a lot of gay"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":699.4,"endTime":702.76,"body":"people go through I and I should"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":702.76,"endTime":705.76,"body":"emphasize, I'm sure the same"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":702.76,"endTime":705.76,"body":"thing happens to women. I'm just"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":705.76,"endTime":708.64,"body":"not a woman. So I don't know,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":705.76,"endTime":708.64,"body":"falling for straight people who"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":708.64,"endTime":713.53,"body":"are your best friends. I've had"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":708.64,"endTime":713.53,"body":"that happen several times. It's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":714.58,"endTime":717.61,"body":"really painful. I mean, it's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":714.58,"endTime":717.61,"body":"painful in all the same ways of"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":717.76,"endTime":721.06,"body":"when someone is of your same"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":717.76,"endTime":721.06,"body":"sexual orientation and doesn't"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":721.06,"endTime":725.95,"body":"like you back. But you just feel"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":721.06,"endTime":725.95,"body":"so dumb for having proceeded at"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":725.95,"endTime":728.02,"body":"all because you're like, I knew"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":725.95,"endTime":728.02,"body":"they were straight. Why did"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":728.02,"endTime":729.79,"body":"this? Why did I even think this"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":728.02,"endTime":729.79,"body":"would happen?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":729.84,"endTime":731.76,"body":"Well, I think I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":729.84,"endTime":731.76,"body":"that's one of the sad things"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":731.76,"endTime":734.37,"body":"that we like, put this on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":731.76,"endTime":734.37,"body":"ourselves, like, I am so dumb"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":734.37,"endTime":738.48,"body":"for liking someone when it's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":734.37,"endTime":738.48,"body":"when most humans have romantic"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":738.48,"endTime":742.2,"body":"feelings. And, and that's just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":738.48,"endTime":742.2,"body":"something that's going to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":742.2,"endTime":744.93,"body":"naturally happen. And, and it's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":742.2,"endTime":744.93,"body":"and I think it's too bad that we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":744.93,"endTime":747.96,"body":"spend too much time beating"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":744.93,"endTime":747.96,"body":"ourselves up for liking someone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":747.96,"endTime":751.02,"body":"when that's just a natural part"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":747.96,"endTime":751.02,"body":"of being you or being me."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":751.17,"endTime":751.62,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":752.26,"endTime":755.17,"body":"So, so this person that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":752.26,"endTime":755.17,"body":"I like, came out with my first"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":755.17,"endTime":759.55,"body":"crush right to my cousin--I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":755.17,"endTime":759.55,"body":"didn't know if he was straight"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":759.55,"endTime":763.03,"body":"or gay, because he didn't really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":759.55,"endTime":763.03,"body":"date girls. But like he would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":763.03,"endTime":765.97,"body":"talk about girls, but then he"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":763.03,"endTime":765.97,"body":"was really, really similar to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":765.97,"endTime":770.2,"body":"me. And we were really good"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":765.97,"endTime":770.2,"body":"friends. And over, like the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":770.2,"endTime":773.2,"body":"course of like two years, we got"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":770.2,"endTime":773.2,"body":"really, really close. And we had"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":773.2,"endTime":777.49,"body":"a lot of the same interests. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":773.2,"endTime":777.49,"body":"he actually helped me a lot as I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":777.49,"endTime":781.18,"body":"was dealing with depression and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":777.49,"endTime":781.18,"body":"the anxiety of coming out. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":781.66,"endTime":785.32,"body":"like shared things with him. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":781.66,"endTime":785.32,"body":"we would talk things through. He"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":785.32,"endTime":788.29,"body":"was helping me and so like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":785.32,"endTime":788.29,"body":"loved him, and I do love him I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":788.32,"endTime":791.59,"body":"like we just became really,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":788.32,"endTime":791.59,"body":"really, really close. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":791.59,"endTime":794.68,"body":"didn't know if he was gay or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":791.59,"endTime":794.68,"body":"straight. And I was too scared"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":794.68,"endTime":798.01,"body":"to ask. So what I started doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":794.68,"endTime":798.01,"body":"instead is just looking for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":798.01,"endTime":802.96,"body":"evidence that he was gay. And so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":798.01,"endTime":802.96,"body":"I started like, like, hyper"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":802.96,"endTime":807.22,"body":"analyzing everything he did, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":802.96,"endTime":807.22,"body":"and just like started convincing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":807.22,"endTime":810.34,"body":"myself that he was gay. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":807.22,"endTime":810.34,"body":"did this for a while. And we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":810.34,"endTime":812.86,"body":"just kind of like waiting for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":810.34,"endTime":812.86,"body":"him to come out. And then we'll"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":812.86,"endTime":816.25,"body":"both graduate from BYU and then"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":812.86,"endTime":816.25,"body":"we will get married and then it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":816.25,"endTime":821.23,"body":"will be perfect. Me projecting a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":816.25,"endTime":821.23,"body":"lot. And also like me, dealing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":821.23,"endTime":823.81,"body":"with these feelings of like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":821.23,"endTime":823.81,"body":"feeling safe around him and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":823.81,"endTime":826.57,"body":"feeling like I could be myself"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":823.81,"endTime":826.57,"body":"around him and feeling like he"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":826.57,"endTime":828.64,"body":"wouldn't judge me if that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":826.57,"endTime":828.64,"body":"crossed my legs and feeling"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":828.64,"endTime":830.86,"body":"like, like all of these things"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":828.64,"endTime":830.86,"body":"that I never thought I'd be able"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":830.86,"endTime":833.71,"body":"to do around someone because I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":830.86,"endTime":833.71,"body":"was worried about being made fun"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":833.71,"endTime":836.74,"body":"of for being gay. I was I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":833.71,"endTime":836.74,"body":"completely myself around him."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":837.01,"endTime":840.82,"body":"And it made me like him more and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":837.01,"endTime":840.82,"body":"also think he was gay more. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":840.82,"endTime":843.76,"body":"ended up moving. I graduated and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":840.82,"endTime":843.76,"body":"moved to New York, still didn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":843.76,"endTime":847.69,"body":"say anything. A couple months"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":843.76,"endTime":847.69,"body":"later, we were together and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":847.69,"endTime":851.44,"body":"had been hiding a lot from him."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":847.69,"endTime":851.44,"body":"Like my entire New York Life. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":851.44,"endTime":855.43,"body":"didn't say anything to him about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":851.44,"endTime":855.43,"body":"because I was just embarrassed."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":855.43,"endTime":857.95,"body":"I don't know, I just I didn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":855.43,"endTime":857.95,"body":"know what to do with him."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":858.19,"endTime":861.1,"body":"Because it's still he still"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":858.19,"endTime":861.1,"body":"hadn't come out yet. You know,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":861.1,"endTime":862.93,"body":"and I was just waiting for it."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":861.1,"endTime":862.93,"body":"And so I was just like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":862.96,"endTime":866.29,"body":"distancing myself. So we ended"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":862.96,"endTime":866.29,"body":"up talking and he was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":866.44,"endTime":868.54,"body":"\"Dude, why are you being so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":866.44,"endTime":868.54,"body":"distant?\" And I was like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":868.54,"endTime":874.57,"body":"\"Ehh.....\"  And then here I am."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":868.54,"endTime":874.57,"body":"I'm like, it's been three years."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":875.41,"endTime":877.15,"body":"I'm just gonna bite the bullet"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":875.41,"endTime":877.15,"body":"and tell him."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":877.24,"endTime":878.86,"body":"That it's such a"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":877.24,"endTime":878.86,"body":"long time that you held on to"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":878.86,"endTime":879.04,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":879.0,"endTime":882.21,"body":"Yeah, it was a long"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":879.0,"endTime":882.21,"body":"time. And I was like, okay, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":882.21,"endTime":885.18,"body":"it took me forever to tell him."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":882.21,"endTime":885.18,"body":"It was very awkward. But I like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":885.18,"endTime":890.13,"body":"sputtered out. I was like, \"I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":885.18,"endTime":890.13,"body":"think you're gay. And I'm in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":890.13,"endTime":892.77,"body":"love with you.\" Essentially was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":890.13,"endTime":892.77,"body":"my message."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":893.01,"endTime":894.36,"body":"Is that you said? \"I'm in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":893.01,"endTime":894.36,"body":"love with you?\""},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":894.42,"endTime":899.67,"body":"Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cuz I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":894.42,"endTime":899.67,"body":"was like, I loved him and we sat"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":899.67,"endTime":903.3,"body":"there in silence for like, 25"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":899.67,"endTime":903.3,"body":"minutes. I was like..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":903.33,"endTime":904.56,"body":"I bet it was actually like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":903.33,"endTime":904.56,"body":"two minutes."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":904.62,"endTime":907.68,"body":"No, it was a long time."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":904.62,"endTime":907.68,"body":"We're both very dramatic people."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":907.68,"endTime":911.16,"body":"That had to have"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":907.68,"endTime":911.16,"body":"killed you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":909.882,"endTime":913.754,"body":"And we were sitting on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":909.882,"endTime":913.754,"body":"the edge of a lake, kind of over"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":913.824,"endTime":918.048,"body":"this cliff thing. And I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":913.824,"endTime":918.048,"body":"like, he's either gonna kiss me,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":915.26,"endTime":949.34,"body":"I just put my heart out on the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":915.26,"endTime":949.34,"body":"line,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":918.119,"endTime":922.413,"body":"or I'm gonna have to jump into"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":918.119,"endTime":922.413,"body":"the lake. Like, this is one or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":922.484,"endTime":926.638,"body":"the other because because like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":922.484,"endTime":926.638,"body":"this is like, like you said,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":926.708,"endTime":931.073,"body":"three years, is so much history"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":926.708,"endTime":931.073,"body":"and just so much of me. And he"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":931.143,"endTime":935.156,"body":"explained to me, he was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":931.143,"endTime":935.156,"body":"totally straight. And I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":935.227,"endTime":939.522,"body":"like, \"What?\" I was like, \"how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":935.227,"endTime":939.522,"body":"can you be straight?\" And he's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":939.592,"endTime":943.816,"body":"like, \"Why did you think I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":939.592,"endTime":943.816,"body":"gay?\" And then so I'm kind of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":943.887,"endTime":946.14,"body":"like having all this... oh crap!"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":949.75,"endTime":953.08,"body":"Like, dashed to pieces. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":949.75,"endTime":953.08,"body":"was like, boy, have I been wrong"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":953.08,"endTime":955.63,"body":"for the past three years! And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":953.08,"endTime":955.63,"body":"kind of realized that a lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":955.63,"endTime":958.27,"body":"this was me projecting, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":955.63,"endTime":958.27,"body":"either me wanting him to be gay."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":958.27,"endTime":961.3,"body":"And a lot of it was me thinking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":958.27,"endTime":961.3,"body":"that he was the only person that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":961.3,"endTime":963.7,"body":"would ever accept me, you know,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":961.3,"endTime":963.7,"body":"cuz he was the first person, he"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":963.7,"endTime":966.97,"body":"was the first guy who did. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":963.7,"endTime":966.97,"body":"he was like, \"Dude, I've just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":966.97,"endTime":969.94,"body":"been, like, really cautious"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":966.97,"endTime":969.94,"body":"about talking about girls around"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":969.94,"endTime":973.9,"body":"you, because I didn't want to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":969.94,"endTime":973.9,"body":"make you feel left out.\" I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":973.9,"endTime":975.04,"body":"like, \"Oh, my gosh...\" He was so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":973.9,"endTime":975.04,"body":"nice."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":975.04,"endTime":975.94,"body":"That is so kind."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":975.93,"endTime":981.3,"body":"And you're so dumb. But here's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":975.93,"endTime":981.3,"body":"the deal. The moral of the story"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":981.3,"endTime":985.74,"body":"is, I told the truth. Like this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":981.3,"endTime":985.74,"body":"was a thing that was like huge"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":985.74,"endTime":988.23,"body":"in my mind, and weighed on me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":985.74,"endTime":988.23,"body":"for like, three years. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":988.23,"endTime":991.08,"body":"finally was honest, and just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":988.23,"endTime":991.08,"body":"like straight up, told him what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":991.08,"endTime":994.5,"body":"was happening. And then he was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":991.08,"endTime":994.5,"body":"straight up straight. And then"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":995.82,"endTime":997.77,"body":"honestly, it was the most"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":995.82,"endTime":997.77,"body":"amazing thing, because because"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":997.77,"endTime":1001.22,"body":"we really were like, wonderful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":997.77,"endTime":1001.22,"body":"friends and really loved each"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1001.22,"endTime":1005.18,"body":"other. And when this happened,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1001.22,"endTime":1005.18,"body":"it was cool. Because I don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1005.18,"endTime":1007.22,"body":"know if anyone's actually gonna"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1005.18,"endTime":1007.22,"body":"believe this, but a promise that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1007.22,"endTime":1012.29,"body":"I'm telling the truth. He went"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1007.22,"endTime":1012.29,"body":"from, like, crush lover to like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1012.71,"endTime":1016.37,"body":"my brother. And like, it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1012.71,"endTime":1016.37,"body":"happened immediately now that I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1016.37,"endTime":1018.59,"body":"had this piece of information"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1016.37,"endTime":1018.59,"body":"that I was missing, that he was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1018.59,"endTime":1021.56,"body":"straight It kind of like put"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1018.59,"endTime":1021.56,"body":"ll of like the love I had for h"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1021.56,"endTime":1024.68,"body":"m in the right spot. And I t"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1021.56,"endTime":1024.68,"body":"ink that's why I had been so c"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1024.68,"endTime":1027.08,"body":"azy before, because I didn't h"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1024.68,"endTime":1027.08,"body":"ve the right spot. I didn't h"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1027.08,"endTime":1029.66,"body":"ve the right category for all o"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1027.08,"endTime":1029.66,"body":"these feelings that he had f"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1029.66,"endTime":1032.45,"body":"r me. And I had for him, plus m"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1029.66,"endTime":1032.45,"body":"coming out. And it was just c"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1032.45,"endTime":1036.2,"body":"nfusing. But as soon as he s"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1032.45,"endTime":1036.2,"body":"id this in, like, I was f"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1036.2,"endTime":1039.53,"body":"nally honest, I knew where to p"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1036.2,"endTime":1039.53,"body":"t them. And I was like, I'm a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1039.53,"endTime":1043.22,"body":"tually not in love with you. I j"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1039.53,"endTime":1043.22,"body":"st love you a lot. And you j"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1043.22,"endTime":1046.7,"body":"st love me a lot. And we're j"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1043.22,"endTime":1046.7,"body":"st like brothers. We're just a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1046.73,"endTime":1049.85,"body":"azing, incredible friends. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1046.73,"endTime":1049.85,"body":"m so grateful for you. And s"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1049.85,"endTime":1052.91,"body":"nce that moment, like I h"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1049.85,"endTime":1052.91,"body":"ven't had any, like weird a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1052.94,"endTime":1057.05,"body":"traction, or like any crush on h"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1052.94,"endTime":1057.05,"body":"m at all. It's just like, b"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1057.29,"endTime":1058.31,"body":"ing with my brother."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1058.49,"endTime":1061.1,"body":"I think that's so beautiful,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1058.49,"endTime":1061.1,"body":"that you had this this like deep"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1061.1,"endTime":1063.32,"body":"love for a person and you were"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1061.1,"endTime":1063.32,"body":"able to put it in the right"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1063.32,"endTime":1063.77,"body":"place."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1063.86,"endTime":1067.01,"body":"Yeah, I think that"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1063.86,"endTime":1067.01,"body":"happens a lot. I've only I've"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1067.01,"endTime":1069.71,"body":"actually had very few male"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1067.01,"endTime":1069.71,"body":"friends, I grew up with"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1069.71,"endTime":1074.39,"body":"exclusively female friends. And"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1069.71,"endTime":1074.39,"body":"so when I came to BYU, and I had"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1074.39,"endTime":1078.62,"body":"a couple straight male friends,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1074.39,"endTime":1078.62,"body":"I confused their friendship,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1078.65,"endTime":1082.64,"body":"because they were guys who were"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1078.65,"endTime":1082.64,"body":"being nice to me. And that had"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1082.64,"endTime":1085.28,"body":"never happened before. And I was"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1082.64,"endTime":1085.28,"body":"like, they, I'm in love with"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1085.28,"endTime":1088.4,"body":"them. Like they have a crush on"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1085.28,"endTime":1088.4,"body":"me. But it turns out, like men"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1088.4,"endTime":1090.5,"body":"can actually just be friends"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1088.4,"endTime":1090.5,"body":"with one another."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1090.66,"endTime":1094.14,"body":"Yeah. And like, that's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1090.66,"endTime":1094.14,"body":"not stupid. Because I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1094.14,"endTime":1097.35,"body":"know, I... my whole life, I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1094.14,"endTime":1097.35,"body":"so worried about having strong"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1097.35,"endTime":1099.63,"body":"like male relationships, because"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1097.35,"endTime":1099.63,"body":"I was so worried about having a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1099.63,"endTime":1102.9,"body":"crush. And like, I kind of like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1099.63,"endTime":1102.9,"body":"did it to myself, because I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1102.9,"endTime":1105.48,"body":"didn't realize that you really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1102.9,"endTime":1105.48,"body":"can just be really good friends"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1105.48,"endTime":1108.09,"body":"with someone and that's okay."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1105.48,"endTime":1108.09,"body":"And I think that goes for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1108.15,"endTime":1111.9,"body":"straight people and also other"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1108.15,"endTime":1111.9,"body":"gay people. Like I have gay"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1111.9,"endTime":1115.26,"body":"friends. That I mean, there's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1111.9,"endTime":1115.26,"body":"nothing wrong with they're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1115.26,"endTime":1117.45,"body":"attractive. They're fun. They're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1115.26,"endTime":1117.45,"body":"cool. We have fun together."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1117.48,"endTime":1118.14,"body":"You're talking about me?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1118.23,"endTime":1120.54,"body":"Yes, Ben. You're cool."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1118.23,"endTime":1120.54,"body":"But like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1120.57,"endTime":1121.2,"body":"What about attractive?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1121.56,"endTime":1122.82,"body":"You're attractive and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1121.56,"endTime":1122.82,"body":"fun."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1124.53,"endTime":1124.98,"body":"Thank you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1125.67,"endTime":1128.04,"body":"You're all the things."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1125.67,"endTime":1128.04,"body":"But I mean, just cuz you're both"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1128.04,"endTime":1129.78,"body":"gay doesn't mean you have to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1128.04,"endTime":1129.78,"body":"like each other. And like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1129.78,"endTime":1131.7,"body":"there's nothing there. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1129.78,"endTime":1131.7,"body":"that's fine. And it's just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1131.7,"endTime":1132.24,"body":"normal."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1132.3,"endTime":1134.25,"body":"I remember you telling me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1132.3,"endTime":1134.25,"body":"once when we were like driving"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1134.25,"endTime":1136.35,"body":"somewhere--you were like Ben,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1134.25,"endTime":1136.35,"body":"I'm glad we could just be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1136.35,"endTime":1137.55,"body":"friends and not like each other."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1137.93,"endTime":1140.78,"body":"It's It's refreshing."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1137.93,"endTime":1140.78,"body":"It's nice. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1141.5,"endTime":1144.35,"body":"And I think that it"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1141.5,"endTime":1144.35,"body":"goes back to the way people"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1144.38,"endTime":1148.7,"body":"reduce sexuality to being"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1144.38,"endTime":1148.7,"body":"exclusively about sex. And it's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1148.7,"endTime":1151.64,"body":"not and sometimes, you know,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1148.7,"endTime":1151.64,"body":"sexual, like sex has nothing to"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1151.64,"endTime":1154.88,"body":"do with it. Like, your"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1151.64,"endTime":1154.88,"body":"friendship between you two,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1155.03,"endTime":1156.92,"body":"you're not attracted to one"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1155.03,"endTime":1156.92,"body":"another. The fact that you're"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1156.92,"endTime":1160.19,"body":"gay bonds you in other ways you"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1156.92,"endTime":1160.19,"body":"have shared experiences, but"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1160.19,"endTime":1161.99,"body":"there's no tension of any kind."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1162.83,"endTime":1166.01,"body":"My orientation affects"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1162.83,"endTime":1166.01,"body":"my relationships with everyone,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1166.01,"endTime":1170.57,"body":"I think, and especially men. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1166.01,"endTime":1170.57,"body":"so it just it took me a while to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1170.57,"endTime":1174.65,"body":"figure out what that looked like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1170.57,"endTime":1174.65,"body":"for me. And now I know."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1174.89,"endTime":1177.44,"body":"This question was submitted"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1174.89,"endTime":1177.44,"body":"a number of times in our email."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1177.89,"endTime":1179.99,"body":"And some of the situations where"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1177.89,"endTime":1179.99,"body":"this was submitted, people would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1179.99,"endTime":1183.17,"body":"say like, I have a crush on my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1179.99,"endTime":1183.17,"body":"roommate who likes me back."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1184.52,"endTime":1186.05,"body":"I gasp because I"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1184.52,"endTime":1186.05,"body":"love drama."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1186.5,"endTime":1187.37,"body":"That's the tea."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1188.24,"endTime":1189.98,"body":"And they wanted to know"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1188.24,"endTime":1189.98,"body":"what to do."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1190.31,"endTime":1191.99,"body":"So that's never"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1190.31,"endTime":1191.99,"body":"happened to me, but I could give"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1192.05,"endTime":1197.36,"body":"advice if you want to take it or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1192.05,"endTime":1197.36,"body":"not. I think you should not date"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1197.36,"endTime":1198.11,"body":"your roommate."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1198.44,"endTime":1199.16,"body":"Agreed."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1199.31,"endTime":1202.49,"body":"Like if you're living"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1199.31,"endTime":1202.49,"body":"with someone, probably not date"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1202.49,"endTime":1204.77,"body":"them, especially if this is like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1202.49,"endTime":1204.77,"body":"your first crush or your first"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1204.77,"endTime":1205.55,"body":"time dating."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1207.07,"endTime":1209.65,"body":"It just takes your"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1207.07,"endTime":1209.65,"body":"relationship immediately to this"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1209.68,"endTime":1213.22,"body":"extremely high level, right"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1209.68,"endTime":1213.22,"body":"away. You I mean living"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1213.22,"endTime":1215.89,"body":"together, no matter what your"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1213.22,"endTime":1215.89,"body":"religious background is a huge"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1215.89,"endTime":1217.99,"body":"step to take that you take once"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1215.89,"endTime":1217.99,"body":"your relationship has"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1217.99,"endTime":1220.96,"body":"progressed, and you spend a lot"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1217.99,"endTime":1220.96,"body":"of time together, and suddenly"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1220.96,"endTime":1222.46,"body":"you're living with someone"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1220.96,"endTime":1222.46,"body":"you've only gone on two dates"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1222.46,"endTime":1223.81,"body":"with? That's really scary."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1223.94,"endTime":1224.6,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1225.17,"endTime":1227.09,"body":"I don't want to tell anyone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1225.17,"endTime":1227.09,"body":"like what to think or what to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1227.09,"endTime":1230.39,"body":"do. So I don't know what would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1227.09,"endTime":1230.39,"body":"be right in each situation. But"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1230.39,"endTime":1232.58,"body":"I agree with you guys, I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1230.39,"endTime":1232.58,"body":"it would be a very tricky"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1232.58,"endTime":1235.28,"body":"situation to navigate. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1232.58,"endTime":1235.28,"body":"actually had someone come into"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1235.28,"endTime":1239.54,"body":"my office to tell me about this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1235.28,"endTime":1239.54,"body":"not too long ago, that they were"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1239.54,"endTime":1241.37,"body":"really liking their roommate and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1239.54,"endTime":1241.37,"body":"the roommate was liking them"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1241.37,"endTime":1243.83,"body":"back and, and he was like, \"What"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1241.37,"endTime":1243.83,"body":"should I do?\" So I didn't tell"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1243.83,"endTime":1246.29,"body":"him what to do. We just kind of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1243.83,"endTime":1246.29,"body":"talked through the situation."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1246.29,"endTime":1249.47,"body":"And he explained what was going"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1246.29,"endTime":1249.47,"body":"on. And, and as we talked, he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1249.47,"endTime":1252.47,"body":"was like, \"I don't think it's a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1249.47,"endTime":1252.47,"body":"good idea for me to be to be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1252.47,"endTime":1254.84,"body":"romantically involved with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1252.47,"endTime":1254.84,"body":"someone that I live with right"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1254.84,"endTime":1257.57,"body":"now.\" And I said, \"Great, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1254.84,"endTime":1257.57,"body":"didn't have to tell you what to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1257.57,"endTime":1259.88,"body":"do just came to that conclusion"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1257.57,"endTime":1259.88,"body":"on your own as we talked about"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1259.88,"endTime":1262.94,"body":"it.\" And I often tell,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1259.88,"endTime":1262.94,"body":"especially BYU students, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1262.94,"endTime":1265.31,"body":"know, I always say, I often say"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1262.94,"endTime":1265.31,"body":"like, \"I don't care what you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1265.31,"endTime":1268.19,"body":"believe, and I don't care what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1265.31,"endTime":1268.19,"body":"you do, but they need to be the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1268.19,"endTime":1270.14,"body":"same thing.\" Like, our actions"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1268.19,"endTime":1270.14,"body":"need to be in line with our"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1270.14,"endTime":1273.95,"body":"values. And, you know, for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1270.14,"endTime":1273.95,"body":"people who are BYU, I say a part"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1273.95,"endTime":1276.02,"body":"of your values right now are"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1273.95,"endTime":1276.02,"body":"living these values of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1276.02,"endTime":1279.17,"body":"university that that that you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1276.02,"endTime":1279.17,"body":"agreed to. And I, I always give"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1279.17,"endTime":1281.12,"body":"that recommendation that you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1279.17,"endTime":1281.12,"body":"know, if you like, live the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1281.12,"endTime":1282.29,"body":"values that you've agreed to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1281.12,"endTime":1282.29,"body":"live."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1283.28,"endTime":1286.1,"body":"Yeah. And, and I mean,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1283.28,"endTime":1286.1,"body":"like, you can change the way you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1286.1,"endTime":1288.65,"body":"live, or you can change your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1286.1,"endTime":1288.65,"body":"values, but they should be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1288.65,"endTime":1292.28,"body":"congruent. Well, when they're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1288.65,"endTime":1292.28,"body":"congruent that it like, that's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1292.28,"endTime":1295.52,"body":"where self-actualization and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1292.28,"endTime":1295.52,"body":"happiness comes into play."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1295.58,"endTime":1298.31,"body":"Because if the way we think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1295.58,"endTime":1298.31,"body":"and believe and act are all the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1298.31,"endTime":1300.68,"body":"same, like that's integrity, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1298.31,"endTime":1300.68,"body":"that's, that's the way to have a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1300.8,"endTime":1302.39,"body":"healthy, happy, healthy,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1300.8,"endTime":1302.39,"body":"thriving life."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1302.45,"endTime":1305.6,"body":"And I think the"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1302.45,"endTime":1305.6,"body":"only time that you should"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1305.6,"endTime":1308.78,"body":"consider if your living"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1305.6,"endTime":1308.78,"body":"situation isn't something"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1308.78,"endTime":1312.08,"body":"tenable that you can continue to"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1308.78,"endTime":1312.08,"body":"do, if your feelings are"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1312.08,"endTime":1315.32,"body":"creating an unsafe environment"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1312.08,"endTime":1315.32,"body":"for you--just even if it's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1315.35,"endTime":1317.09,"body":"affecting the way you live,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1315.35,"endTime":1317.09,"body":"whether your roommate likes you"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1317.09,"endTime":1320.81,"body":"back or not, or whoever it may"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1317.09,"endTime":1320.81,"body":"be, if you're feeling completely"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1320.81,"endTime":1323.03,"body":"overwhelmed, they consume all"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1320.81,"endTime":1323.03,"body":"your thoughts. You're constantly"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1323.03,"endTime":1325.04,"body":"What are they doing?"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1323.03,"endTime":1325.04,"body":"Where are they going, why aren't"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1325.04,"endTime":1327.02,"body":"they texting me back? Why aren't"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1325.04,"endTime":1327.02,"body":"they hanging out with me? Then"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1327.02,"endTime":1329.42,"body":"that sounds like it's an"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1327.02,"endTime":1329.42,"body":"unhealthy situation. Moving"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1329.42,"endTime":1331.61,"body":"sounds like this big scary"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1329.42,"endTime":1331.61,"body":"thing. But if you're a college"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1331.61,"endTime":1334.4,"body":"student, especially in Provo,"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1331.61,"endTime":1334.4,"body":"moving is actually super easy."},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1334.43,"endTime":1337.4,"body":"I've moved in two days before."},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1334.43,"endTime":1337.4,"body":"People are constantly selling"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1337.4,"endTime":1340.43,"body":"their contracts, buying other"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1337.4,"endTime":1340.43,"body":"ones. Like and then to get"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1340.43,"endTime":1343.97,"body":"yourself in a new situation and"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1340.43,"endTime":1343.97,"body":"get rid of those factors that"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1343.97,"endTime":1346.52,"body":"were there or have them really"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1343.97,"endTime":1346.52,"body":"changed will just be so"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1346.52,"endTime":1348.26,"body":"refreshing and be a weight off"},{"speaker":"thinking","startTime":1346.52,"endTime":1348.26,"body":"your shoulders."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1348.32,"endTime":1349.94,"body":"Yeah, Zach is that I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1348.32,"endTime":1349.94,"body":"it's really important. Like just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1349.94,"endTime":1352.19,"body":"being really mindful about the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1349.94,"endTime":1352.19,"body":"way that this relationship is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1352.19,"endTime":1354.02,"body":"affecting you, how you're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1352.19,"endTime":1354.02,"body":"thinking about it, how you're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1354.02,"endTime":1356.51,"body":"responding to it, and then"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1354.02,"endTime":1356.51,"body":"responding in an appropriate"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1356.51,"endTime":1358.07,"body":"way. And just like being honest"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1356.51,"endTime":1358.07,"body":"with yourself, and like you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1358.07,"endTime":1360.59,"body":"said, Charlie, being honest."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1358.07,"endTime":1360.59,"body":"Like, I don't know if you've"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1360.59,"endTime":1363.98,"body":"noticed, I love talking about my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1360.59,"endTime":1363.98,"body":"feelings. And I think it's, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1363.98,"endTime":1366.83,"body":"think it's really healthy, to be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1363.98,"endTime":1366.83,"body":"honest about what we're feeling"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1366.83,"endTime":1367.61,"body":"and what's going on."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1368.08,"endTime":1370.99,"body":"The theme I keep seeing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1368.08,"endTime":1370.99,"body":"in all of our stories, is that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1371.05,"endTime":1375.04,"body":"we talked about it. Ooh, I think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1371.05,"endTime":1375.04,"body":"if you have a crush, you should"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1375.04,"endTime":1378.73,"body":"talk about it. (A) that kind of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1375.04,"endTime":1378.73,"body":"defeats the shame that usually"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1378.73,"endTime":1381.46,"body":"comes from a religious"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1378.73,"endTime":1381.46,"body":"background if you're LGBTQ and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1381.46,"endTime":1384.91,"body":"have a crush. But (B) also it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1381.46,"endTime":1384.91,"body":"helps you think things through"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1384.91,"endTime":1386.53,"body":"and get advice from other"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1384.91,"endTime":1386.53,"body":"people."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1386.68,"endTime":1388.27,"body":"Oh, that's a great"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1386.68,"endTime":1388.27,"body":"point. I don't think we've"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1388.3,"endTime":1390.91,"body":"touched, maybe we have touched"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1388.3,"endTime":1390.91,"body":"on in some ways, but you know,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1390.91,"endTime":1393.82,"body":"using one of your good friends"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1390.91,"endTime":1393.82,"body":"as a sounding board, getting out"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1393.82,"endTime":1396.88,"body":"of your own head, you're right"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1393.82,"endTime":1396.88,"body":"to get the shame off of you, and"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1396.88,"endTime":1399.7,"body":"feel like, Oh, you know what,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1396.88,"endTime":1399.7,"body":"I'm not crazy, cuz my friend"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1399.7,"endTime":1401.53,"body":"just told me that these feelings"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1399.7,"endTime":1401.53,"body":"are normal."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1401.6,"endTime":1403.46,"body":"And then you can figure"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1401.6,"endTime":1403.46,"body":"out what to do with them and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1403.46,"endTime":1405.59,"body":"where to put them and how you'd"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1403.46,"endTime":1405.59,"body":"like to proceed with it."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1406.35,"endTime":1408.9,"body":"Definitely. So this guy I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1406.35,"endTime":1408.9,"body":"mentioned who I had a crush on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1408.93,"endTime":1413.13,"body":"not too long ago, I really liked"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1408.93,"endTime":1413.13,"body":"him in a romantic way. I spent a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1413.13,"endTime":1416.31,"body":"lot of time studying what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1413.13,"endTime":1416.31,"body":"charity was like learning how to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1416.31,"endTime":1420.69,"body":"love him in a Christ-like way."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1416.31,"endTime":1420.69,"body":"And I feel like romantic love is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1420.69,"endTime":1422.7,"body":"a really beautiful kind of love."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1420.69,"endTime":1422.7,"body":"But I don't think it's the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1422.7,"endTime":1425.97,"body":"highest form of love. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1422.7,"endTime":1425.97,"body":"think if we can look at people"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1426.0,"endTime":1429.0,"body":"with the kind of love that that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1426.0,"endTime":1429.0,"body":"has us want the best for them."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1429.3,"endTime":1431.82,"body":"And this is a very different"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1429.3,"endTime":1431.82,"body":"story. But the last woman I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1431.82,"endTime":1434.79,"body":"dated, I was sure we were gonna"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1431.82,"endTime":1434.79,"body":"get married, absolutely sure"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1434.79,"endTime":1439.02,"body":"that we were gonna get married."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1434.79,"endTime":1439.02,"body":"And she went on a mission and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1439.05,"endTime":1441.84,"body":"came back and married someone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1439.05,"endTime":1441.84,"body":"else and that was all fine. But"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1441.84,"endTime":1444.42,"body":"that was also like surprisingly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1441.84,"endTime":1444.42,"body":"painful for me too--not that I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1444.51,"endTime":1447.18,"body":"like the love I felt for her was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1444.51,"endTime":1447.18,"body":"different than the love I had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1447.18,"endTime":1450.03,"body":"for any guy. But I really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1447.18,"endTime":1450.03,"body":"thought we were gonna get"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1450.03,"endTime":1453.12,"body":"married. I remember watching"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1450.03,"endTime":1453.12,"body":"this fireside, the Elder Bednar"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1453.12,"endTime":1457.02,"body":"gave, and I just had like this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1453.12,"endTime":1457.02,"body":"distinct feeling. If you love"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1457.02,"endTime":1460.92,"body":"her, you'll want the best for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1457.02,"endTime":1460.92,"body":"her. And I realized I wasn't the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1460.92,"endTime":1463.71,"body":"best thing for her. But this was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1460.92,"endTime":1463.71,"body":"actually before she got married."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1463.71,"endTime":1465.51,"body":"Then when she got married, like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1463.71,"endTime":1465.51,"body":"on the day she got married, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1465.51,"endTime":1467.22,"body":"didn't go to the wedding. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1465.51,"endTime":1467.22,"body":"don't think I was actually"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1467.22,"endTime":1470.88,"body":"invited. But I was just like, so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1467.22,"endTime":1470.88,"body":"happy. Like, I was so thrilled"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1470.88,"endTime":1473.37,"body":"for her because I knew that that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1470.88,"endTime":1473.37,"body":"was the best thing for her. You"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1473.37,"endTime":1477.09,"body":"know, like crushes are fun, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1473.37,"endTime":1477.09,"body":"that can be kind of angsty, but"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1477.09,"endTime":1480.27,"body":"I think what we're all looking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1477.09,"endTime":1480.27,"body":"for is like real true love and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1480.27,"endTime":1483.27,"body":"connection. And when you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1480.27,"endTime":1483.27,"body":"actually love someone, you want"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1483.39,"endTime":1485.91,"body":"the very best thing for them,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1483.39,"endTime":1485.91,"body":"even though I knew that--like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1485.91,"endTime":1488.76,"body":"I'd had this experience with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1485.91,"endTime":1488.76,"body":"this woman like years before and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1488.76,"endTime":1491.37,"body":"then with with this guy, like I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1488.76,"endTime":1491.37,"body":"remember telling myself that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1491.37,"endTime":1494.04,"body":"like I want to love him in a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1491.37,"endTime":1494.04,"body":"Christ-like way. Like I want I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1494.04,"endTime":1495.9,"body":"want to have what's best for him"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1494.04,"endTime":1495.9,"body":"and sometimes it was still hard"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1495.9,"endTime":1498.12,"body":"but then other times, I would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1495.9,"endTime":1498.12,"body":"have these like really strong"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1498.12,"endTime":1501.69,"body":"moments where I would just like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1498.12,"endTime":1501.69,"body":"feel deep love for him. And like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1501.69,"endTime":1504.48,"body":"in a way that wasn't angsty, it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1501.69,"endTime":1504.48,"body":"was just like, an important"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1504.48,"endTime":1506.37,"body":"person in my life that's going"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1504.48,"endTime":1506.37,"body":"to be in my life for a long"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1506.37,"endTime":1509.46,"body":"time. And it's not, might not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1506.37,"endTime":1509.46,"body":"look the way that I would want"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1509.46,"endTime":1512.01,"body":"it to, but real profound love."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1512.55,"endTime":1514.08,"body":"If you're freaking out,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1512.55,"endTime":1514.08,"body":"because you don't know what to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1514.08,"endTime":1517.2,"body":"do with a crush, that's how a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1514.08,"endTime":1517.2,"body":"lot of people were when they"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1517.2,"endTime":1521.52,"body":"were like 13 or 14 in here, a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1517.2,"endTime":1521.52,"body":"lot of us are like, 23-24"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1521.55,"endTime":1522.27,"body":"dealing with this."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1522.27,"endTime":1524.16,"body":"I'm 36, I have a crush,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1522.27,"endTime":1524.16,"body":"what do I do with it?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1525.21,"endTime":1526.74,"body":"Pay your mortgage,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1525.21,"endTime":1526.74,"body":"that's what you do."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1529.2,"endTime":1533.64,"body":"But as you like, see,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1529.2,"endTime":1533.64,"body":"to be honest, and also seek"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1533.64,"endTime":1536.43,"body":"spiritual guidance, and the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1533.64,"endTime":1536.43,"body":"advice of friends and people who"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1536.43,"endTime":1538.95,"body":"really care about you and want"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1536.43,"endTime":1538.95,"body":"what's best for you, you'll"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1538.95,"endTime":1541.41,"body":"figure out to do with your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1538.95,"endTime":1541.41,"body":"crush, whether they're straight,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1541.5,"endTime":1543.99,"body":"or they're gay, or they like you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1541.5,"endTime":1543.99,"body":"or they don't or they're your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1543.99,"endTime":1546.78,"body":"roommate, or they're not. It"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1543.99,"endTime":1546.78,"body":"works out. It really does."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1547.71,"endTime":1550.47,"body":"Sometimes you get"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1547.71,"endTime":1550.47,"body":"like flashbacks, it'll be even"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1550.47,"endTime":1553.05,"body":"with straight guys that I've"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1550.47,"endTime":1553.05,"body":"fallen for like a year later,"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1553.11,"endTime":1555.9,"body":"when I don't think about them"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1553.11,"endTime":1555.9,"body":"hardly ever. I'll find myself"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1555.9,"endTime":1558.3,"body":"like, oh, remember when this"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1555.9,"endTime":1558.3,"body":"happened? That was so nice. It's"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1558.3,"endTime":1561.81,"body":"like, Where did this come from?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1558.3,"endTime":1561.81,"body":"I buried those feelings."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1561.93,"endTime":1563.55,"body":"Like snap back to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1561.93,"endTime":1563.55,"body":"reality."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1564.08,"endTime":1566.87,"body":"I think it's like, there's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1564.08,"endTime":1566.87,"body":"like the spot in my heart for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1566.87,"endTime":1570.44,"body":"like a guy to like, and then"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1566.87,"endTime":1570.44,"body":"when there's someone else, it's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1570.44,"endTime":1572.81,"body":"like the other person kind of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1570.44,"endTime":1572.81,"body":"gets shoved out."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1574.37,"endTime":1575.69,"body":"Do you have a crush on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1574.37,"endTime":1575.69,"body":"anyone right now?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1575.75,"endTime":1576.29,"body":"Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1576.89,"endTime":1578.72,"body":"I don't think so. Do I?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1579.05,"endTime":1580.64,"body":"Yeah, I kind of do."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1579.05,"endTime":1580.64,"body":"Yeah, I do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1580.88,"endTime":1581.36,"body":"Zach?"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1582.56,"endTime":1583.79,"body":"Yeah, I do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1587.71,"endTime":1589.99,"body":"Just like I mean, like me,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1587.71,"endTime":1589.99,"body":"looking forward to my life. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1589.99,"endTime":1592.3,"body":"mean, it's weird to be in this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1589.99,"endTime":1592.3,"body":"space. I'm in where I'm, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1592.3,"endTime":1595.06,"body":"committed to living church"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1592.3,"endTime":1595.06,"body":"teachings. And I'm also like, in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1595.06,"endTime":1599.92,"body":"my mid to soon to be late 30s."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1595.06,"endTime":1599.92,"body":"If you like, take a sample size,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1599.95,"endTime":1603.25,"body":"like all the people who I would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1599.95,"endTime":1603.25,"body":"like who would like me back who"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1603.25,"endTime":1605.62,"body":"would also be age appropriate"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1603.25,"endTime":1605.62,"body":"and have similar goals to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1606.01,"endTime":1610.57,"body":"me--there's like, maybe two"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1606.01,"endTime":1610.57,"body":"people. So I don't know, I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1610.57,"endTime":1614.23,"body":"I'll probably just have those"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1610.57,"endTime":1614.23,"body":"little fun crushes is that Zach"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1614.23,"endTime":1616.33,"body":"was talking about and not have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1614.23,"endTime":1616.33,"body":"like a real crush for a while."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1616.69,"endTime":1618.4,"body":"Zach, it was such a pleasure to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1616.69,"endTime":1618.4,"body":"have you on."},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1618.47,"endTime":1620.42,"body":"Thank you. I'm"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1618.47,"endTime":1620.42,"body":"truly honored that I could be on"},{"speaker":"Zach Ibarra","startTime":1620.42,"endTime":1621.23,"body":"this podcast."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1621.32,"endTime":1622.7,"body":"It's my favorite"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1621.32,"endTime":1622.7,"body":"podcast."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1623.63,"endTime":1624.56,"body":"It's actually not mine."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1625.23,"endTime":1628.47,"body":"It's not mine either."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1625.23,"endTime":1628.47,"body":"But if you want to get a five"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1628.47,"endTime":1630.75,"body":"star rating, now is the time."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1632.12,"endTime":1634.07,"body":"Thank you for joining us"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1632.12,"endTime":1634.07,"body":"today. Please remember that we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1634.07,"endTime":1636.05,"body":"do not represent the Church of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1634.07,"endTime":1636.05,"body":"Jesus Christ of Latter-day"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1636.05,"endTime":1638.6,"body":"Saints or Brigham Young"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1636.05,"endTime":1638.6,"body":"University. We're not trying to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1638.6,"endTime":1640.97,"body":"be prescriptive or tell anyone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1638.6,"endTime":1640.97,"body":"what to think or what to do."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1641.41,"endTime":1642.88,"body":"You heard three"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1641.41,"endTime":1642.88,"body":"perspectives, and there are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1642.88,"endTime":1645.7,"body":"many, many more. We encourage"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1642.88,"endTime":1645.7,"body":"you to listen to other voices"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1645.7,"endTime":1648.64,"body":"and hear a wide variety of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1645.7,"endTime":1648.64,"body":"experiences. If you would like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1648.64,"endTime":1651.52,"body":"to submit a question or share a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1648.64,"endTime":1651.52,"body":"comment about today's episode,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1651.55,"endTime":1654.22,"body":"you can email us at"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1651.55,"endTime":1654.22,"body":"questionsfromthecloset@gmail.com."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1655.09,"endTime":1655.93,"body":"Until next time..."}]}