{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":5.49,"endTime":7.98,"body":"Welcome to Questions from"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":5.49,"endTime":7.98,"body":"the Closet. I'm Ben Schilaty."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":8.16,"endTime":10.68,"body":"And I'm Charlie Bird."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":8.16,"endTime":10.68,"body":"Each episode we discuss a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":10.68,"endTime":13.32,"body":"question that we commonly get"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":10.68,"endTime":13.32,"body":"asked as LGBTQ Latter-day"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":13.32,"endTime":13.83,"body":"Saints."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":13.89,"endTime":15.78,"body":"We're not trying to answer"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":13.89,"endTime":15.78,"body":"this question or come to a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":15.78,"endTime":19.02,"body":"consensus but simply sharing our"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":15.78,"endTime":19.02,"body":"perspectives. Today's question"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":19.02,"endTime":21.24,"body":"is, how can my child be just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":19.02,"endTime":21.24,"body":"like you?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":22.02,"endTime":23.97,"body":"Ben and I are not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":22.02,"endTime":23.97,"body":"terribly diverse, and we share"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":23.97,"endTime":27.24,"body":"many opinions and life"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":23.97,"endTime":27.24,"body":"experiences. For example, we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":27.24,"endTime":29.97,"body":"both really don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":27.24,"endTime":29.97,"body":"viewed as poster boys for being"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":29.97,"endTime":31.38,"body":"gay and staying in the church."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":31.24,"endTime":33.1,"body":"However, there are some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":31.24,"endTime":33.1,"body":"pretty big differences. For"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":33.1,"endTime":36.4,"body":"example, Charlie is literally on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":33.1,"endTime":36.4,"body":"a poster because he's gay and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":36.4,"endTime":37.18,"body":"staying in the church."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":38.5,"endTime":40.93,"body":"I like to be on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":38.5,"endTime":40.93,"body":"posters. I don't want to be a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":40.93,"endTime":42.94,"body":"poster boy, but I want to be a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":40.93,"endTime":42.94,"body":"boy on a poster."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":42.97,"endTime":45.19,"body":"Yes. I mean, you you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":42.97,"endTime":45.19,"body":"literally have a poster of you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":45.0,"endTime":47.76,"body":"And caveat, it's the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":45.0,"endTime":47.76,"body":"cover of my book. It' a very..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":47.79,"endTime":48.81,"body":"It's a very good picture,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":47.79,"endTime":48.81,"body":"too."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":48.84,"endTime":50.7,"body":"They're actually like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":48.84,"endTime":50.7,"body":"all over the country in Deseret"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":50.7,"endTime":51.18,"body":"Books."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":51.21,"endTime":54.15,"body":"Well, that's awesome. So"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":51.21,"endTime":54.15,"body":"you're a literal poster boy."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":54.21,"endTime":55.05,"body":"It makes me happy."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":55.29,"endTime":56.43,"body":"A boy on a poster."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":56.43,"endTime":60.54,"body":"But don't make me a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":56.43,"endTime":60.54,"body":"poster child. We'd like to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":60.54,"endTime":62.85,"body":"provide a variety of voices and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":60.54,"endTime":62.85,"body":"perspectives. So today, we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":62.85,"endTime":64.14,"body":"joined by Jessica Fullmer."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":64.26,"endTime":64.89,"body":"Hi."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":65.31,"endTime":66.93,"body":"So tell us a little about"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":65.31,"endTime":66.93,"body":"yourself, Jessica."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":67.08,"endTime":70.56,"body":"Yeah, so I'm a lesbian."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":67.08,"endTime":70.56,"body":"So that's probably why I'm on"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":70.56,"endTime":77.34,"body":"this podcast. I had a video come"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":70.56,"endTime":77.34,"body":"out on mormonandgay.org a few"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":77.34,"endTime":81.57,"body":"years ago, and recently had it"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":77.34,"endTime":81.57,"body":"taken down within the last year."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":81.57,"endTime":86.46,"body":"I teach PE. I'm a coach. I have"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":81.57,"endTime":86.46,"body":"a wonderful wife, and a home and"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":86.46,"endTime":88.29,"body":"two dogs and two cats. So..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":88.62,"endTime":90.18,"body":"So you're a lesbian who"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":88.62,"endTime":90.18,"body":"teaches PE?"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":90.24,"endTime":93.21,"body":"Isn't that weird? I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":90.24,"endTime":93.21,"body":"know. It's so shocking."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":95.46,"endTime":97.23,"body":"And Jessica, when Mormon"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":95.46,"endTime":97.23,"body":"and Gay came out, you were one"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":97.23,"endTime":98.46,"body":"of the featured videos."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":98.49,"endTime":102.24,"body":"Yeah. Yeah, I was it"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":98.49,"endTime":102.24,"body":"was one of the one of the five"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":102.24,"endTime":103.71,"body":"videos that was featured on the"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":102.24,"endTime":103.71,"body":"site."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":103.89,"endTime":105.54,"body":"All right, well, what was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":103.89,"endTime":105.54,"body":"that experience like for you?"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":106.05,"endTime":109.2,"body":"It was, it was"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":106.05,"endTime":109.2,"body":"definitely an experience. At"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":109.2,"endTime":114.87,"body":"first I had released that video,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":109.2,"endTime":114.87,"body":"mostly, I think, to help bring"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":114.87,"endTime":120.3,"body":"it understanding and help others"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":114.87,"endTime":120.3,"body":"to see that this isn't a choice,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":120.3,"endTime":122.91,"body":"because I think I was just as"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":120.3,"endTime":122.91,"body":"shocked as anybody when I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":122.91,"endTime":125.64,"body":"realized my attractions. And so"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":122.91,"endTime":125.64,"body":"my biggest thing was just"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":125.64,"endTime":129.63,"body":"wanting to get people to see"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":125.64,"endTime":129.63,"body":"that. When it actually went out"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":129.63,"endTime":134.34,"body":"and released there was a mix of"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":129.63,"endTime":134.34,"body":"responses for sure. I had so"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":134.34,"endTime":138.12,"body":"many people that were loving and"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":134.34,"endTime":138.12,"body":"kind and amazing. There were a"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":138.12,"endTime":143.04,"body":"lot of people that were not kind"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":138.12,"endTime":143.04,"body":"and amazing. Overall, I think"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":143.46,"endTime":148.53,"body":"the hardest part of it was"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":143.46,"endTime":148.53,"body":"probably feeling a sense of"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":148.53,"endTime":153.12,"body":"being a poster child of being"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":148.53,"endTime":153.12,"body":"set up as this person to look,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":153.42,"endTime":155.34,"body":"You were like the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":153.42,"endTime":155.34,"body":"original poster child."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":156.83,"endTime":159.44,"body":"Kinda but not, not... I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":156.83,"endTime":159.44,"body":"don't know."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":160.1,"endTime":162.5,"body":"Well, yeah. Well, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":160.1,"endTime":162.5,"body":"remember when the site came, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":162.5,"endTime":165.89,"body":"was a nobody in Tucson, Arizona,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":162.5,"endTime":165.89,"body":"and I, I listened to a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":165.89,"endTime":168.41,"body":"podcasts. And there were a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":165.89,"endTime":168.41,"body":"couple episodes of shows that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":168.41,"endTime":172.31,"body":"was, talked about you and Josh."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":168.41,"endTime":172.31,"body":"And people saying, oh, they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":172.31,"endTime":174.02,"body":"just setting up this poster"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":172.31,"endTime":174.02,"body":"children. They're gonna fail"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":174.02,"endTime":177.11,"body":"someday. And yeah, and people,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":174.02,"endTime":177.11,"body":"it sounds like people were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":177.11,"endTime":177.92,"body":"pretty harsh."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":177.99,"endTime":180.66,"body":"It was rough. And that's what I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":177.99,"endTime":180.66,"body":"don't think many people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":180.66,"endTime":184.5,"body":"understand is that it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":180.66,"endTime":184.5,"body":"difficult on so many planes and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":184.5,"endTime":187.68,"body":"different aspects, like, even"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":184.5,"endTime":187.68,"body":"from those that were saying that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":187.68,"endTime":190.23,"body":"I was going to fail, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":187.68,"endTime":190.23,"body":"that was truly what I was trying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":190.23,"endTime":194.22,"body":"to do at that time. I didn't, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":190.23,"endTime":194.22,"body":"didn't have life experience. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":194.22,"endTime":197.13,"body":"still to this point, I don't,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":194.22,"endTime":197.13,"body":"I'm on my journey. However, at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":197.13,"endTime":201.09,"body":"that time, I had set what I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":197.13,"endTime":201.09,"body":"going to do for the next 50"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":201.12,"endTime":205.83,"body":"years. And to tell somebody that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":201.12,"endTime":205.83,"body":"I was wrong. Or to tell me that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":205.83,"endTime":207.57,"body":"I was wrong. That was really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":205.83,"endTime":207.57,"body":"difficult to hear."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":207.6,"endTime":209.88,"body":"You said what you're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":207.6,"endTime":209.88,"body":"gonna do for the next 50 years?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":209.88,"endTime":212.43,"body":"Like what kind of message Did"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":209.88,"endTime":212.43,"body":"you share that, that set that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":212.43,"endTime":213.09,"body":"expectation?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":213.0,"endTime":217.56,"body":"Yeah, so I think the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":213.0,"endTime":217.56,"body":"main message that I regret"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.56,"endTime":223.17,"body":"putting out was that the only"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.56,"endTime":223.17,"body":"way to do it was to stay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":223.2,"endTime":226.98,"body":"celibate in the church. And in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":223.2,"endTime":226.98,"body":"the church is relative because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":226.98,"endTime":229.83,"body":"you can be in the church and not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":226.98,"endTime":229.83,"body":"celibate but like covenant"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":229.83,"endTime":233.97,"body":"keeping, going to the temple,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":229.83,"endTime":233.97,"body":"things like that, while not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":234.0,"endTime":237.87,"body":"having romantic relations with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":234.0,"endTime":237.87,"body":"someone of the same sex was kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":237.87,"endTime":240.12,"body":"of what I set out to be."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":237.87,"endTime":240.12,"body":"However, there were a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":240.12,"endTime":243.06,"body":"really great things in that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":240.12,"endTime":243.06,"body":"video that I still agree with,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":243.06,"endTime":246.06,"body":"and I'm really glad got out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":243.06,"endTime":246.06,"body":"there. But I feel like it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":246.06,"endTime":250.02,"body":"semi overshadowed by me being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":246.06,"endTime":250.02,"body":"the person that you should be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":250.02,"endTime":253.32,"body":"like instead of the other things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":250.02,"endTime":253.32,"body":"I was trying to get across."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":253.57,"endTime":256.72,"body":"Definitely. I remember watching"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":253.57,"endTime":256.72,"body":"this video when I was closeted."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":256.99,"endTime":259.99,"body":"I watched them all. I drank"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":256.99,"endTime":259.99,"body":"everything on this website,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":260.29,"endTime":263.5,"body":"because it was all we really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":260.29,"endTime":263.5,"body":"had, you know? 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And in a sense,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":276.58,"endTime":279.94,"body":"like even you sharing your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":276.58,"endTime":279.94,"body":"dedication to the gospel and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":279.94,"endTime":283.99,"body":"desire to stay in the church"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":279.94,"endTime":283.99,"body":"was, kind of bolstered me in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.99,"endTime":286.54,"body":"way. 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Because it, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":307.0,"endTime":310.24,"body":"something that brings up a lot"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":310.24,"endTime":314.44,"body":"of emotion in me still, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":310.24,"endTime":314.44,"body":"it's during that whole time, not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":314.44,"endTime":317.71,"body":"only was it difficult, like at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":314.44,"endTime":317.71,"body":"this point, I look back and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":317.71,"endTime":320.2,"body":"sometimes have a hard time not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":317.71,"endTime":320.2,"body":"seeing it as a failure. Like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":320.2,"endTime":324.01,"body":"that was my goal. That was what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":320.2,"endTime":324.01,"body":"I was going to do. 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My purpose was to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":346.03,"endTime":348.76,"body":"bring understanding and love and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":348.76,"endTime":352.36,"body":"kindness to something that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":348.76,"endTime":352.36,"body":"hadn't even understood up until"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":352.36,"endTime":353.2,"body":"I dealt with it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":353.69,"endTime":356.6,"body":"Charlie, like Jessica, you came"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":353.69,"endTime":356.6,"body":"out in a very public way that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":356.6,"endTime":357.38,"body":"everyone saw."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":357.69,"endTime":360.75,"body":"Yeah. Yeah, I did. 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It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":413.34,"endTime":416.49,"body":"was like denying myself and stay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.49,"endTime":420.27,"body":"in the church. Like that was the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.49,"endTime":420.27,"body":"only vision I could see. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":420.27,"endTime":424.38,"body":"then one by one, they were in my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":420.27,"endTime":424.38,"body":"mind picked off. Right? And, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":424.38,"endTime":428.97,"body":"were failing. That was really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":424.38,"endTime":428.97,"body":"hard for me. And it took me a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":428.97,"endTime":432.72,"body":"while to realize that everyone's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":428.97,"endTime":432.72,"body":"just doing the best they can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":432.72,"endTime":437.64,"body":"with the knowledge they have."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":432.72,"endTime":437.64,"body":"Right? And I truly believe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":437.64,"endTime":440.25,"body":"that's what you were doing. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":437.64,"endTime":440.25,"body":"like your intentions were pure,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":440.25,"endTime":444.51,"body":"and were good. And this space is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":440.25,"endTime":444.51,"body":"so ambiguous. And sometimes I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":444.51,"endTime":446.76,"body":"just feel like a ship in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":444.51,"endTime":446.76,"body":"middle of the sea that just gets"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":446.76,"endTime":448.92,"body":"torn in different directions."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":446.76,"endTime":448.92,"body":"And I think I'm going this way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":448.92,"endTime":450.96,"body":"or supposed to go this way. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":448.92,"endTime":450.96,"body":"then all of a sudden, something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.96,"endTime":454.26,"body":"just like sideswipes, me and now"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.96,"endTime":454.26,"body":"I'm in a different part of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":454.26,"endTime":459.27,"body":"world. Right? And as I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":454.26,"endTime":459.27,"body":"learning this, this kind of like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":459.27,"endTime":462.81,"body":"disappointment and sadness"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":459.27,"endTime":462.81,"body":"became more of like a sympathy."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":463.05,"endTime":468.09,"body":"Right? And also, this, I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":463.05,"endTime":468.09,"body":"very conscious that as soon as I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":468.09,"endTime":471.42,"body":"came out, this was going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":468.09,"endTime":471.42,"body":"happen to me too. And I did not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":471.48,"endTime":476.46,"body":"want that. I don't know, like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":471.48,"endTime":476.46,"body":"guess I'm sorry. And thank you,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":476.55,"endTime":481.35,"body":"in a way because you taught me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":476.55,"endTime":481.35,"body":"what happens, because everyone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":481.35,"endTime":483.63,"body":"is looking for an answer. Like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":481.35,"endTime":483.63,"body":"everyone's looking for a silver"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":483.63,"endTime":487.5,"body":"bullet answer. And as soon as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":483.63,"endTime":487.5,"body":"someone says something, the rest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":487.5,"endTime":490.41,"body":"of the church wants to be like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":487.5,"endTime":490.41,"body":"oh, they're doing it, you can be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":490.41,"endTime":493.5,"body":"just like them. Be like them and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":490.41,"endTime":493.5,"body":"make us comfortable. And that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":493.5,"endTime":494.46,"body":"just doesn't happen."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":494.61,"endTime":495.27,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":495.78,"endTime":498.09,"body":"So when I give"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":495.78,"endTime":498.09,"body":"firesides this happens"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":498.12,"endTime":500.94,"body":"regularly, a parent will come up"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":498.12,"endTime":500.94,"body":"to me after and they'll say, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":500.94,"endTime":504.78,"body":"have a gay son and I wish he"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":500.94,"endTime":504.78,"body":"were just like you. And I hate"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":504.78,"endTime":506.94,"body":"that. Like it, that is the worst"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":504.78,"endTime":506.94,"body":"thing someone could say to me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":506.94,"endTime":509.28,"body":"Because no one should try and be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":506.94,"endTime":509.28,"body":"like me, right? Like everyone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":509.28,"endTime":511.95,"body":"should just be the best version"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":509.28,"endTime":511.95,"body":"of them. And what I tell these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":511.95,"endTime":515.88,"body":"parents is in Second Peter"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":511.95,"endTime":515.88,"body":"Chapter One, Peter lists nine"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":516.27,"endTime":519.0,"body":"Christ-like attributes. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":516.27,"endTime":519.0,"body":"he says if all these things be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":519.0,"endTime":520.89,"body":"in you and abound, they make you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":519.0,"endTime":520.89,"body":"that ye shall neither be barren"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":520.89,"endTime":523.44,"body":"or unfruitful in the knowledge"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":520.89,"endTime":523.44,"body":"of our Lord Jesus Christ. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":523.44,"endTime":527.88,"body":"say be grateful for any way that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":523.44,"endTime":527.88,"body":"your child is emulating the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":527.97,"endTime":530.46,"body":"attributes of Jesus Christ."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":527.97,"endTime":530.46,"body":"Because as they do that, they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":530.46,"endTime":532.53,"body":"going to come closer to him,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":530.46,"endTime":532.53,"body":"whether they're in the church or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":532.53,"endTime":534.54,"body":"not. If we're becoming like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":532.53,"endTime":534.54,"body":"Jesus, that's what really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":534.54,"endTime":534.84,"body":"counts."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":534.87,"endTime":536.31,"body":"I love that. I love"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":534.87,"endTime":536.31,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":536.37,"endTime":538.56,"body":"And, but it is really hard"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":536.37,"endTime":538.56,"body":"when people say like, I want my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":538.56,"endTime":541.35,"body":"kid to be like you. Like, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":538.56,"endTime":541.35,"body":"know this guy I had a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":541.35,"endTime":544.53,"body":"relationship with years ago, he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":541.35,"endTime":544.53,"body":"once told me that, that I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":544.53,"endTime":546.3,"body":"everything his mom wishes he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":544.53,"endTime":546.3,"body":"could be."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":546.51,"endTime":546.78,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":546.81,"endTime":549.15,"body":"And like that just sucks,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":546.81,"endTime":549.15,"body":"like..."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":549.0,"endTime":552.57,"body":"It really is. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":549.0,"endTime":552.57,"body":"remember having multiple"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":549.15,"endTime":549.93,"body":"That's devastating."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":552.57,"endTime":555.96,"body":"messages like that as well. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":552.57,"endTime":555.96,"body":"had in my video, I specifically"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":555.96,"endTime":560.04,"body":"remember talking about my aunt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":555.96,"endTime":560.04,"body":"and, and she's, was kind of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":560.04,"endTime":563.97,"body":"example. However, there were"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":560.04,"endTime":563.97,"body":"many other family members that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":563.97,"endTime":566.82,"body":"were just like her that treated"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":563.97,"endTime":566.82,"body":"me the same way, but treated me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":566.82,"endTime":569.55,"body":"with unconditional love. And the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":566.82,"endTime":569.55,"body":"one thing that I said in my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":569.55,"endTime":573.9,"body":"video was that my aunt said she"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":569.55,"endTime":573.9,"body":"loved me and she loved me no"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":573.9,"endTime":578.22,"body":"matter what I chose to do. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":573.9,"endTime":578.22,"body":"remember getting messages from"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":578.22,"endTime":581.31,"body":"others that were like, there was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":578.22,"endTime":581.31,"body":"actually one specific message"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":581.31,"endTime":584.49,"body":"that sticks out in my mind. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":581.31,"endTime":584.49,"body":"somebody messaged and said,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":584.49,"endTime":588.3,"body":"Well, I did that. I told my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":584.49,"endTime":588.3,"body":"daughter that I loved her no"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":588.3,"endTime":591.63,"body":"matter what she chose to do. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":588.3,"endTime":591.63,"body":"she didn't go in the church. She"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":591.63,"endTime":593.97,"body":"didn't stay in the church though"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":591.63,"endTime":593.97,"body":"so now what? And she's like, it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":593.97,"endTime":597.54,"body":"doesn't always work. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":593.97,"endTime":597.54,"body":"like, that wasn't the point."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":597.57,"endTime":601.08,"body":"Like that wasn't the point of it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":597.57,"endTime":601.08,"body":"at all. You know, like that the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":601.08,"endTime":606.54,"body":"point wasn't, the ultimate goal"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":601.08,"endTime":606.54,"body":"isn't to get them to stay in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":606.54,"endTime":608.76,"body":"church or worthy or whatever."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":606.54,"endTime":608.76,"body":"The ultimate goal is to love"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":608.76,"endTime":611.85,"body":"them. Like, you just need to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":608.76,"endTime":611.85,"body":"love them. That's, that's the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":611.85,"endTime":613.05,"body":"bottom answer. And..."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":613.04,"endTime":615.53,"body":"Yeah, and that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":613.04,"endTime":615.53,"body":"messaging just comes with this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":615.65,"endTime":619.07,"body":"undercurrent of, you're good,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":615.65,"endTime":619.07,"body":"and I respect you because of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.07,"endTime":622.7,"body":"something you're doing. But if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.07,"endTime":622.7,"body":"you did something else, then the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.7,"endTime":624.86,"body":"goodness I see in you and the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.7,"endTime":624.86,"body":"respect I have for you would be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.86,"endTime":629.72,"body":"gone. And I don't think that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.86,"endTime":629.72,"body":"how the Savior loves. I get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":629.72,"endTime":632.9,"body":"these messages a lot. Me and Ben"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":629.72,"endTime":632.9,"body":"talk about them quite often, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.26,"endTime":637.28,"body":"we'll even share them with eac"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.26,"endTime":637.28,"body":"other, a mom or an uncle or jus"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.67,"endTime":643.99,"body":"Well, you even got a message"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.67,"endTime":643.99,"body":"like last week were someone, a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":637.28,"endTime":641.21,"body":"anyone being like, I wish tha"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":637.28,"endTime":641.21,"body":"my kid was like you. And..."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":643.99,"endTime":646.3,"body":"mom was like, I have a gay son,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":643.99,"endTime":646.3,"body":"could you please write him a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.3,"endTime":648.82,"body":"letter and help him know like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.3,"endTime":648.82,"body":"how we can live like you?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":649.06,"endTime":649.54,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":649.66,"endTime":652.6,"body":"And and you wrote back, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":649.66,"endTime":652.6,"body":"know, he shouldn't be like me,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":652.6,"endTime":653.05,"body":"he should be him."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":653.48,"endTime":656.12,"body":"Yeah, you have to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":653.48,"endTime":656.12,"body":"you. And I think if we're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":656.12,"endTime":659.6,"body":"drawing comparisons and trying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":656.12,"endTime":659.6,"body":"to like conform, and I feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":659.6,"endTime":661.94,"body":"conflicted about this, I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":659.6,"endTime":661.94,"body":"even know if I know what to say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":661.94,"endTime":665.6,"body":"about this topic. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":661.94,"endTime":665.6,"body":"there's so much ambiguity, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":665.6,"endTime":669.41,"body":"so much changes all the time."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":665.6,"endTime":669.41,"body":"And people make these, like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":669.65,"endTime":673.76,"body":"wishes of what they want someone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":669.65,"endTime":673.76,"body":"else to be based on a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":673.76,"endTime":676.61,"body":"things that they're assuming"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":673.76,"endTime":676.61,"body":"about me that may or may not be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.61,"endTime":679.79,"body":"true, you know? And so I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.61,"endTime":679.79,"body":"think you can ever know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":679.79,"endTime":681.71,"body":"everything about a person and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":679.79,"endTime":681.71,"body":"their viewpoints and their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":681.71,"endTime":684.89,"body":"experiences, and then try to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":681.71,"endTime":684.89,"body":"prescribe that to someone else."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":684.89,"endTime":689.48,"body":"That's just, it doesn't work."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":684.89,"endTime":689.48,"body":"And I think about the creation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":689.48,"endTime":692.99,"body":"of humankind, and how one of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":689.48,"endTime":692.99,"body":"first most beautiful gifts God"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":692.99,"endTime":697.1,"body":"gave us even as like spirits in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":692.99,"endTime":697.1,"body":"the premortal life was agency"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":697.61,"endTime":701.27,"body":"that we have the ability to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":697.61,"endTime":701.27,"body":"choose. And there is so much"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":701.27,"endTime":705.47,"body":"power. It is so godlike to honor"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":701.27,"endTime":705.47,"body":"someone's agency and trust their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":705.47,"endTime":710.12,"body":"decisions and allow them to move"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":705.47,"endTime":710.12,"body":"through life in the way that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":710.12,"endTime":714.56,"body":"they see fit, and support them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":710.12,"endTime":714.56,"body":"in that. I think that's what God"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.56,"endTime":715.28,"body":"does to me."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":715.67,"endTime":715.94,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":715.97,"endTime":718.94,"body":"And so shouldn't I give"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":715.97,"endTime":718.94,"body":"that to someone else?"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":719.66,"endTime":721.49,"body":"I love that."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":719.66,"endTime":721.49,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":719.97,"endTime":722.55,"body":"One of the hard things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":719.97,"endTime":722.55,"body":"has been for me, and I'm not,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":722.58,"endTime":725.82,"body":"like when I cry I'm like a happy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":722.58,"endTime":725.82,"body":"crier. Like I'm watching Extreme"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":722.89,"endTime":722.95,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":724.33,"endTime":780.52,"body":"Like he was erased. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":724.33,"endTime":780.52,"body":"was just sobbing. I thought, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":725.82,"endTime":728.97,"body":"Makeover Home Edition and like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":725.82,"endTime":728.97,"body":"a soldier comes home you know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":729.78,"endTime":735.45,"body":"hat doesn't make me cry. But,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":729.78,"endTime":735.45,"body":"ut the day Josh's video got tak"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":735.45,"endTime":739.53,"body":"n off of Mormon and Gay I sobb"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":735.45,"endTime":739.53,"body":"d. I sobbed. And this is why."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":739.53,"endTime":743.16,"body":"Because I'm like, you guys, I di"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":739.53,"endTime":743.16,"body":"n't just like burst onto the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":743.16,"endTime":745.11,"body":"cene. I've had like a very slow"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":743.16,"endTime":745.11,"body":"burn. Like I started blog"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":745.11,"endTime":748.26,"body":"ing. And so very slowly, peop"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":745.11,"endTime":748.26,"body":"e got to know who I was. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":748.26,"endTime":750.54,"body":"o it was this very incremental"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":748.26,"endTime":750.54,"body":"hing where I got to like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":750.75,"endTime":753.87,"body":"cclimate to people knowing who"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":750.75,"endTime":753.87,"body":"was. And still a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":753.87,"endTime":758.28,"body":"on't know who I am so. So it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":753.87,"endTime":758.28,"body":"asn't such a big, a big shift"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":758.28,"endTime":763.02,"body":"or me like it was for you guys."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":758.28,"endTime":763.02,"body":"osh, on a Facebook video said"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":763.02,"endTime":766.92,"body":"hat he was, was engaged to a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":763.02,"endTime":766.92,"body":"man. And then that same day, his"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":766.92,"endTime":769.53,"body":"video was taken off of Mormon"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":766.92,"endTime":769.53,"body":"and Gay. And I didn't know at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":769.53,"endTime":773.25,"body":"the time that it was coordinated"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":769.53,"endTime":773.25,"body":"And so I thought the moment h"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":773.25,"endTime":776.22,"body":"said he was in a relationship"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":773.25,"endTime":776.22,"body":"they erased him."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":780.52,"endTime":783.85,"body":"thought if I make any mistakes"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":780.52,"endTime":783.85,"body":"they're going to erase me too."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":783.97,"endTime":784.48,"body":"Oh interesting."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":784.48,"endTime":785.41,"body":"Like, I'm going to be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":784.48,"endTime":785.41,"body":"erased."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":785.41,"endTime":787.6,"body":"Or not even mistakes,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":785.41,"endTime":787.6,"body":"if you make any decision that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":787.6,"endTime":789.97,"body":"other people don't agree with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":787.6,"endTime":789.97,"body":"you'll be erased, you know?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":790.35,"endTime":793.17,"body":"And I realized that I had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":790.35,"endTime":793.17,"body":"this like, really visceral"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":793.17,"endTime":795.93,"body":"reaction to that experience,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":793.17,"endTime":795.93,"body":"because there was this deep"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":795.93,"endTime":800.76,"body":"seated fear in me that if I made"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":795.93,"endTime":800.76,"body":"certain choices, people were"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":800.76,"endTime":801.69,"body":"just gonna get rid of me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":801.75,"endTime":804.06,"body":"Oh, absolutely. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":801.75,"endTime":804.06,"body":"that's so fascinating. You say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":804.06,"endTime":807.84,"body":"that, because I feel like when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":804.06,"endTime":807.84,"body":"my video did go out, and it kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":807.84,"endTime":811.14,"body":"of went big, I was getting all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":807.84,"endTime":811.14,"body":"of these calls and messages"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":811.14,"endTime":814.47,"body":"like, hey, like, come speak"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":811.14,"endTime":814.47,"body":"here. I had somebody fly me out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":814.47,"endTime":817.65,"body":"to speak in California. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":814.47,"endTime":817.65,"body":"was getting, you know, all of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":817.65,"endTime":820.86,"body":"these people that were wanting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":817.65,"endTime":820.86,"body":"me to speak and then as soon as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":820.89,"endTime":824.46,"body":"my video was taken down, as soon"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":820.89,"endTime":824.46,"body":"as I announced, hey, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":824.49,"endTime":829.11,"body":"I've taken a shift. I've, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":824.49,"endTime":829.11,"body":"with somebody, and I'm getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":829.11,"endTime":833.43,"body":"married to a woman. It was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":829.11,"endTime":833.43,"body":"almost like I, what I had to say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":833.43,"endTime":836.67,"body":"didn't have any merit anymore."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":833.43,"endTime":836.67,"body":"Like what I had to say didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":836.67,"endTime":841.56,"body":"matter. It didn't, um, it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":836.67,"endTime":841.56,"body":"valid anymore, because I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":841.56,"endTime":845.04,"body":"living the way that other people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":841.56,"endTime":845.04,"body":"thought I should be living."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":845.91,"endTime":849.45,"body":"It's so hard to be a hero one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":845.91,"endTime":849.45,"body":"day and a villain the next."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":849.45,"endTime":850.77,"body":"Yeah! Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":850.83,"endTime":853.71,"body":"And I'm just so sad"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":850.83,"endTime":853.71,"body":"that we do that to people,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":853.8,"endTime":858.36,"body":"because that's so much weight."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":853.8,"endTime":858.36,"body":"And that's so much unnecessary"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":858.39,"endTime":859.08,"body":"trauma."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":859.29,"endTime":860.04,"body":"Oh absolutely."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":860.1,"endTime":862.05,"body":"It's like people put us on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":860.1,"endTime":862.05,"body":"a pedestal then it's just easy"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":862.05,"endTime":862.86,"body":"to push us off."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":863.02,"endTime":866.47,"body":"Yeah. Right. And and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":863.02,"endTime":866.47,"body":"what's so sad is it's so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":866.47,"endTime":870.67,"body":"interesting, because it was a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":866.47,"endTime":870.67,"body":"lot of the culture and more of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":871.24,"endTime":874.39,"body":"some of the members that were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":871.24,"endTime":874.39,"body":"putting that on me versus the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":874.39,"endTime":877.42,"body":"leadership, which is what's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":874.39,"endTime":877.42,"body":"fascinating is that I was in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":877.42,"endTime":882.22,"body":"contact with a lot of, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":877.42,"endTime":882.22,"body":"higher people in the church"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":882.22,"endTime":885.28,"body":"headquarters and things like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":882.22,"endTime":885.28,"body":"that, and they were more loving"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":885.28,"endTime":888.64,"body":"to me and more understanding"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":885.28,"endTime":888.64,"body":"than I got from any other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":888.64,"endTime":891.97,"body":"member. I mean, they more so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":888.64,"endTime":891.97,"body":"than anybody they, I remember"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":891.97,"endTime":895.0,"body":"the first thing that one of them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":891.97,"endTime":895.0,"body":"said when I said hey, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":895.0,"endTime":898.06,"body":"this is where I'm going. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":895.0,"endTime":898.06,"body":"said, thank you and you did it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":898.18,"endTime":900.88,"body":"They said you did it. You did"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":898.18,"endTime":900.88,"body":"what you were supposed to do,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.91,"endTime":904.57,"body":"and we are so proud of you. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.91,"endTime":904.57,"body":"I just cried. I just cried. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":904.57,"endTime":908.23,"body":"said, you know, I keep feeling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":904.57,"endTime":908.23,"body":"like I failed. And they're like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":908.23,"endTime":911.68,"body":"no, like you did what you were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":908.23,"endTime":911.68,"body":"supposed to do. And so getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":911.68,"endTime":916.06,"body":"that validation helped the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":911.68,"endTime":916.06,"body":"healing process, but it didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":916.06,"endTime":920.77,"body":"help the culture, and the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":916.06,"endTime":920.77,"body":"overall church culture to see"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":920.77,"endTime":925.15,"body":"that in me as well. They saw it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":920.77,"endTime":925.15,"body":"the other way as though somebody"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":925.15,"endTime":929.14,"body":"had fallen. And, and I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":925.15,"endTime":929.14,"body":"that's what's difficult, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":929.59,"endTime":933.28,"body":"when my video came out, I felt"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":929.59,"endTime":933.28,"body":"like I was helping all these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":933.28,"endTime":936.67,"body":"people. But now that I look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":933.28,"endTime":936.67,"body":"back, I actually had some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.67,"endTime":941.59,"body":"feelings of feeling sorry, a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.67,"endTime":941.59,"body":"little bit, because I didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":941.59,"endTime":947.62,"body":"want to have other gays see me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":941.59,"endTime":947.62,"body":"and say, I can't be like her,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":947.62,"endTime":951.16,"body":"like, why can't I be like her?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":947.62,"endTime":951.16,"body":"Like, why, you know, my, my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":951.16,"endTime":954.7,"body":"parents are disappointed in me,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":951.16,"endTime":954.7,"body":"or I don't measure up to her. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":954.7,"endTime":958.06,"body":"I had that guilt. But then when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":954.7,"endTime":958.06,"body":"I took my video down and was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.06,"endTime":961.03,"body":"living this way. It's now the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.06,"endTime":961.03,"body":"ones that, you know, were living"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":961.03,"endTime":963.34,"body":"in the church, and they're like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":961.03,"endTime":963.34,"body":"wow, there goes another one. You"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":963.34,"endTime":966.43,"body":"know? So either way you go, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":963.34,"endTime":966.43,"body":"almost like you failed, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":966.43,"endTime":966.76,"body":"know."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":967.71,"endTime":972.09,"body":"And like, at the same time,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":967.71,"endTime":972.09,"body":"gosh, I feel conflicted about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.09,"endTime":976.8,"body":"saying this, but I feel like I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.09,"endTime":976.8,"body":"need to, sometimes I worry that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":976.83,"endTime":979.98,"body":"in certain aspects, I might be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":976.83,"endTime":979.98,"body":"giving someone a false hope."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":980.73,"endTime":985.44,"body":"Because I have such an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":980.73,"endTime":985.44,"body":"incredible support system. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":985.44,"endTime":989.25,"body":"have connections. I don't, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":985.44,"endTime":989.25,"body":"my identity isn't compounded by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":989.25,"endTime":992.85,"body":"any other forms of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":989.25,"endTime":992.85,"body":"intersectionality. And I like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":992.85,"endTime":996.51,"body":"have healthy people and healthy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":992.85,"endTime":996.51,"body":"coping mechanisms that have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":996.51,"endTime":1000.38,"body":"allowed me to deal with some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":996.51,"endTime":1000.38,"body":"really, really difficult"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1000.38,"endTime":1005.84,"body":"situations and move through hard"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1000.38,"endTime":1005.84,"body":"topics. And not everyone has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1005.84,"endTime":1009.29,"body":"those privileges, right? And so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1005.84,"endTime":1009.29,"body":"sometimes I'm like, who am I,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1009.62,"endTime":1013.19,"body":"like, how could I ever say you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1009.62,"endTime":1013.19,"body":"can be just like me, when a lot"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.19,"endTime":1016.01,"body":"of people just don't? They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.19,"endTime":1016.01,"body":"can't, you know, they don't have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1016.01,"endTime":1018.8,"body":"the same systems, they don't the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1016.01,"endTime":1018.8,"body":"same supports or strengths."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1019.28,"endTime":1022.22,"body":"Yeah, one thing I tell people is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1019.28,"endTime":1022.22,"body":"like, I was dealt the easiest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.22,"endTime":1024.32,"body":"hand of cards. Like as far as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.22,"endTime":1024.32,"body":"being like a gay Latter-day"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1024.32,"endTime":1026.09,"body":"Saint, like I was given, like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1024.32,"endTime":1026.09,"body":"the easiest hand,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1026.0,"endTime":1029.6,"body":"Right? Like, I'm still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1026.0,"endTime":1029.6,"body":"cisgender. And I'm tall and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1029.6,"endTime":1033.89,"body":"white and male. And, like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1029.6,"endTime":1033.89,"body":"look the part and..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1033.89,"endTime":1034.76,"body":"You look good on a poster."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1034.79,"endTime":1036.92,"body":"I look great on a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1034.79,"endTime":1036.92,"body":"poster. I look so good on a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1036.92,"endTime":1037.19,"body":"poster."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1037.19,"endTime":1038.63,"body":"In the living room and"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1037.19,"endTime":1038.63,"body":"Deseret Book."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.77,"endTime":1042.77,"body":"And yeah, and so like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.77,"endTime":1042.77,"body":"people are willing to listen to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1042.77,"endTime":1044.78,"body":"me because I don't look scary to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1042.77,"endTime":1044.78,"body":"them."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1044.81,"endTime":1045.11,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1045.14,"endTime":1047.9,"body":"No, but if I look"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1045.14,"endTime":1047.9,"body":"differently, or if I had a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1047.9,"endTime":1050.69,"body":"different background, what I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1047.9,"endTime":1050.69,"body":"still get the same voice? I,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1050.69,"endTime":1051.38,"body":"probably not."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1051.41,"endTime":1052.76,"body":"Right. Right."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1053.06,"endTime":1054.77,"body":"I guess sometimes I'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1053.06,"endTime":1054.77,"body":"get a message. And someone will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1054.77,"endTime":1056.99,"body":"say like, you know, what I do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1054.77,"endTime":1056.99,"body":"with like, my family, they,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1056.99,"endTime":1059.57,"body":"they're just like, they don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1056.99,"endTime":1059.57,"body":"accept me, and they're so unkind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.57,"endTime":1063.14,"body":"of I don't know. That, that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.57,"endTime":1063.14,"body":"wasn't my experience. And yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1063.14,"endTime":1065.69,"body":"it's tough when people like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1063.14,"endTime":1065.69,"body":"look to us, look to us for all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1065.69,"endTime":1068.87,"body":"these answers when everyone's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1065.69,"endTime":1068.87,"body":"got their own, their own answers"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1068.87,"endTime":1069.53,"body":"inside of them."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1069.57,"endTime":1073.59,"body":"Absolutely. I think one of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1069.57,"endTime":1073.59,"body":"things that kind of just brought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.59,"endTime":1076.83,"body":"up something that has helped me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.59,"endTime":1076.83,"body":"a little bit in the past,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1077.7,"endTime":1080.4,"body":"because I obviously fully"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1077.7,"endTime":1080.4,"body":"understand what it's like to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1080.4,"endTime":1084.15,"body":"on the other side, where some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1080.4,"endTime":1084.15,"body":"family members or loved ones are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1084.15,"endTime":1087.57,"body":"very hard and are very difficult"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1084.15,"endTime":1087.57,"body":"and can't wrap their heads"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1087.57,"endTime":1090.63,"body":"around it or whatever. Something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1087.57,"endTime":1090.63,"body":"that's helped me the most was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1090.63,"endTime":1095.94,"body":"my, my psychologist, she, there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1090.63,"endTime":1095.94,"body":"were two things, one thing was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1095.97,"endTime":1099.81,"body":"\"and statements\". So \"and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1095.97,"endTime":1099.81,"body":"statements\" have helped me so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1099.81,"endTime":1104.37,"body":"much. So when you look at a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1099.81,"endTime":1104.37,"body":"situation, it's not all like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1104.37,"endTime":1108.21,"body":"you know, my family hates me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1104.37,"endTime":1108.21,"body":"It's, my family doesn't like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1108.21,"endTime":1111.39,"body":"this part of me, and they still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1108.21,"endTime":1111.39,"body":"love me. You know? And they love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1111.39,"endTime":1113.61,"body":"me or whatever, that's helped a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1111.39,"endTime":1113.61,"body":"lot. But the second thing is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1113.61,"endTime":1117.54,"body":"helped me is she said, everybody"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1113.61,"endTime":1117.54,"body":"has their own ships that they've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1117.54,"endTime":1122.64,"body":"created. And they've created it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1117.54,"endTime":1122.64,"body":"off of perspectives and beliefs."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1122.91,"endTime":1128.85,"body":"And when something comes along,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1122.91,"endTime":1128.85,"body":"to question that or to bring a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.85,"endTime":1132.96,"body":"different view, you have two"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.85,"endTime":1132.96,"body":"choices, you can either allow"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1132.96,"endTime":1138.0,"body":"that to come in and rebuild your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1132.96,"endTime":1138.0,"body":"ship, or you can, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1138.0,"endTime":1142.53,"body":"reject that and not allow it in."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1138.0,"endTime":1142.53,"body":"So essentially, when I'm coming"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1142.53,"endTime":1146.19,"body":"to others, no matter what it is,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1142.53,"endTime":1146.19,"body":"if I'm saying hey, like, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1146.19,"endTime":1149.37,"body":"know, look at how happy I am in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1146.19,"endTime":1149.37,"body":"my marriage, you know, and they,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1149.4,"endTime":1154.14,"body":"that scares them. Or, hey, look,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1149.4,"endTime":1154.14,"body":"it's you know, same sex"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1154.14,"endTime":1157.44,"body":"attraction or sexuality in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1154.14,"endTime":1157.44,"body":"general, that's not a choice,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1157.44,"endTime":1161.76,"body":"any of those things. It helps me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1157.44,"endTime":1161.76,"body":"to look at it and say, I'm, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1161.76,"endTime":1165.0,"body":"asking them to sink their ship"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1161.76,"endTime":1165.0,"body":"for me, you know, I'm asking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1165.0,"endTime":1169.62,"body":"them to rebuild what they've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1165.0,"endTime":1169.62,"body":"built and what they've, they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1169.62,"endTime":1174.21,"body":"standing on. And that's a scary"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1169.62,"endTime":1174.21,"body":"thing for them. And it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1174.21,"endTime":1177.24,"body":"mean that I can't be hurt by"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1174.21,"endTime":1177.24,"body":"that or that it, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1177.24,"endTime":1180.54,"body":"doesn't make me upset. But it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1177.24,"endTime":1180.54,"body":"also gives me the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1180.54,"endTime":1183.87,"body":"have empathy to say, that's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1180.54,"endTime":1183.87,"body":"pretty scary thing to sink your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1183.87,"endTime":1184.86,"body":"ship for me."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1185.07,"endTime":1187.08,"body":"That's a really, that's a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1185.07,"endTime":1187.08,"body":"really kind and gracious way to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1187.08,"endTime":1187.77,"body":"look at people."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1188.07,"endTime":1190.71,"body":"It's hard. It's not, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1188.07,"endTime":1190.71,"body":"don't do all the time. You can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1190.71,"endTime":1193.86,"body":"ask my wife. I'm not very good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1190.71,"endTime":1193.86,"body":"at it. But it does help when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1193.86,"endTime":1194.79,"body":"get to that point."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1196.22,"endTime":1199.04,"body":"We mentioned this in a previous"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1196.22,"endTime":1199.04,"body":"episode. And Ben, maybe you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1199.04,"endTime":1200.78,"body":"could tell the story because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1199.04,"endTime":1200.78,"body":"it's kind of your story. Nah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.81,"endTime":1203.48,"body":"I'm gonna steal it. Because I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.81,"endTime":1203.48,"body":"felt a similar thing that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1203.48,"endTime":1208.13,"body":"said, like, the time that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1203.48,"endTime":1208.13,"body":"decided to, like, keep staying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1208.13,"endTime":1210.32,"body":"in the church was the time that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1208.13,"endTime":1210.32,"body":"you allowed yourself to leave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1210.32,"endTime":1214.07,"body":"the church. Sometimes I feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1210.32,"endTime":1214.07,"body":"like we box ourselves in, we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1214.07,"endTime":1217.73,"body":"corner ourselves in by saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1214.07,"endTime":1217.73,"body":"what we're gonna do, and by like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1217.73,"endTime":1220.37,"body":"cutting off all other options"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1217.73,"endTime":1220.37,"body":"are all other ways to look at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1220.37,"endTime":1224.54,"body":"life. And that makes us more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1220.37,"endTime":1224.54,"body":"stressed. And it makes it harder"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1224.69,"endTime":1227.63,"body":"to do what we're saying we're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1224.69,"endTime":1227.63,"body":"going to do. You know? Because,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1227.87,"endTime":1230.15,"body":"again, I guess it just comes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1227.87,"endTime":1230.15,"body":"back to honoring agency, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1230.15,"endTime":1233.96,"body":"you're taking away your ability"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1230.15,"endTime":1233.96,"body":"to choose, right? I don't think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1234.44,"endTime":1238.04,"body":"the gift of agency is so much"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1234.44,"endTime":1238.04,"body":"about making the right choices"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.07,"endTime":1241.55,"body":"as it is understanding a human's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.07,"endTime":1241.55,"body":"ability to choose and make"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1241.55,"endTime":1245.21,"body":"decisions and have personal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1241.55,"endTime":1245.21,"body":"autonomy. And if you're like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1245.36,"endTime":1248.51,"body":"restricting yourself and forcing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1245.36,"endTime":1248.51,"body":"yourself into something, with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1248.51,"endTime":1251.15,"body":"the knowledge that you do have."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1248.51,"endTime":1251.15,"body":"It might be beautiful. It might"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1251.15,"endTime":1254.42,"body":"be right. But if that knowledge"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1251.15,"endTime":1254.42,"body":"shifts, if you're not willing to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1254.42,"endTime":1258.02,"body":"reassess, and kind of, like I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1254.42,"endTime":1258.02,"body":"guess, like you were saying,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1258.02,"endTime":1260.96,"body":"rebuild a ship, or, like figure"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1258.02,"endTime":1260.96,"body":"out if you want to put up a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1260.96,"endTime":1265.04,"body":"different mast and like, change"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1260.96,"endTime":1265.04,"body":"your course, you're gonna be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1265.04,"endTime":1266.81,"body":"really anxious, you know?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1267.05,"endTime":1269.9,"body":"And because for years, like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1267.05,"endTime":1269.9,"body":"felt like I was trapped, like I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1269.9,"endTime":1274.13,"body":"exactly had any choice, but this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1269.9,"endTime":1274.13,"body":"choice, and then once I allowed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1274.13,"endTime":1276.08,"body":"myself to see other choices,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1274.13,"endTime":1276.08,"body":"it's like in Second Nephi,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1276.08,"endTime":1278.78,"body":"chapter two, like you can't make"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1276.08,"endTime":1278.78,"body":"a choice unless you're like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1278.78,"endTime":1280.64,"body":"enticed by the one or the other."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1278.78,"endTime":1280.64,"body":"Like, you have to see these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1280.64,"endTime":1283.49,"body":"possibilities. And when I opened"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1280.64,"endTime":1283.49,"body":"up the possibilities, I was able"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1283.49,"endTime":1286.67,"body":"to actually make the choice that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1283.49,"endTime":1286.67,"body":"felt right to me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1287.0,"endTime":1290.27,"body":"I love that. Well, I mean, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1287.0,"endTime":1290.27,"body":"each, anybody that's LGBT, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1290.27,"endTime":1294.95,"body":"think, has had their ship sunk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1290.27,"endTime":1294.95,"body":"at some point. I mean, majority"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1294.95,"endTime":1298.88,"body":"of the people that are LGBT grew"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1294.95,"endTime":1298.88,"body":"up thinking that their life was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1298.88,"endTime":1303.29,"body":"gonna be, you know, a straight"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1298.88,"endTime":1303.29,"body":"being attracted to the opposite"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1303.29,"endTime":1306.65,"body":"sex normal life. And then they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1303.29,"endTime":1306.65,"body":"had to sink their ship. And so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1306.65,"endTime":1309.5,"body":"we've all been through it at one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1306.65,"endTime":1309.5,"body":"point or another. And it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1309.5,"endTime":1311.27,"body":"terrifying. It's a hard place to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1309.5,"endTime":1311.27,"body":"be."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1311.42,"endTime":1313.85,"body":"Yeah. And I've even"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1311.42,"endTime":1313.85,"body":"felt led to places that I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1313.85,"endTime":1317.24,"body":"thought were wrong and sinful,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1313.85,"endTime":1317.24,"body":"like, like, even just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1317.3,"endTime":1320.39,"body":"identifying as gay and using the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1317.3,"endTime":1320.39,"body":"word gay, I used to think was a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1320.39,"endTime":1324.59,"body":"sin. All growing up, I wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1320.39,"endTime":1324.59,"body":"do it. And then I felt a shift."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1324.59,"endTime":1328.52,"body":"And I felt like I should say"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1324.59,"endTime":1328.52,"body":"that and label myself that way."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1328.52,"endTime":1331.97,"body":"And that opened me and allowed"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1328.52,"endTime":1331.97,"body":"me to be more of myself and felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1331.97,"endTime":1336.05,"body":"comfortable. And so you just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1331.97,"endTime":1336.05,"body":"never know what's gonna come,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1336.0,"endTime":1338.91,"body":"Yeah. I could talk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1336.0,"endTime":1338.91,"body":"about my psychologist all time."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1336.05,"endTime":1336.41,"body":"you know?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1338.91,"endTime":1340.47,"body":"She's helped me through this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1338.91,"endTime":1340.47,"body":"problem."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1340.47,"endTime":1341.4,"body":"She sounds amazing."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1340.47,"endTime":1341.4,"body":"Give me her number."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1341.4,"endTime":1345.3,"body":"She's amazing. Give me"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1341.4,"endTime":1345.3,"body":"her number. Everybody needs"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1345.3,"endTime":1347.91,"body":"therapy, but everybody should"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1345.3,"endTime":1347.91,"body":"have her as their therapist, but"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1348.27,"endTime":1353.82,"body":"she brought the visual to me of"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1348.27,"endTime":1353.82,"body":"a weeble wobble. Those toys"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1353.82,"endTime":1357.72,"body":"that, that, I don't even know"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1353.82,"endTime":1357.72,"body":"because I wasn't. I don't think"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1357.72,"endTime":1359.01,"body":"I was old enough to know what"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1357.72,"endTime":1359.01,"body":"they were."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1359.04,"endTime":1361.17,"body":"Hopefully some of our"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1359.04,"endTime":1361.17,"body":"more mature listeners will be..."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1361.03,"endTime":1363.91,"body":"...like a weeble wobble"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1361.03,"endTime":1363.91,"body":"is now it's in a song or"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1363.91,"endTime":1365.59,"body":"something. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1365.59,"endTime":1366.82,"body":"Weeble wobble. Weeble"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1365.59,"endTime":1366.82,"body":"wobble. Weeble wobble."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1366.82,"endTime":1370.33,"body":"Yeah. That's what I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1366.82,"endTime":1370.33,"body":"just sing every time."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1372.04,"endTime":1374.83,"body":"Apparently, it was a toy. Back"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1372.04,"endTime":1374.83,"body":"in the day, that was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1374.83,"endTime":1379.6,"body":"entertaining. But yeah, she said"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1374.83,"endTime":1379.6,"body":"that, they never fall over. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1379.6,"endTime":1382.63,"body":"always they they'll go down, but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1379.6,"endTime":1382.63,"body":"they pop right back up. They're,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1382.66,"endTime":1387.16,"body":"they're shiftable. You can push"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1382.66,"endTime":1387.16,"body":"it any way and it'll go and just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1387.16,"endTime":1389.26,"body":"come right back up. And so she's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1387.16,"endTime":1389.26,"body":"like, that's what you want your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1389.26,"endTime":1391.48,"body":"life to be based around because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1389.26,"endTime":1391.48,"body":"you don't know what's going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1391.48,"endTime":1395.29,"body":"come, what's going to change."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1391.48,"endTime":1395.29,"body":"And that helps the shift, when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1395.29,"endTime":1398.29,"body":"you do start seeing it instead"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1395.29,"endTime":1398.29,"body":"of having like quarterlife"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1398.29,"endTime":1400.09,"body":"crisises like I had three years"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1398.29,"endTime":1400.09,"body":"ago."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1401.62,"endTime":1404.11,"body":"Well, and I feel like with that,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1401.62,"endTime":1404.11,"body":"there's like this idea of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1404.35,"endTime":1408.1,"body":"solidifying your core values in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1404.35,"endTime":1408.1,"body":"your beliefs. And like, even if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1408.1,"endTime":1410.59,"body":"you change directions, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1408.1,"endTime":1410.59,"body":"you're married now...."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1410.62,"endTime":1411.01,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1411.07,"endTime":1413.08,"body":"...to a woman, which is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1411.07,"endTime":1413.08,"body":"something you never imagined."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1413.11,"endTime":1413.47,"body":"Nope."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1413.53,"endTime":1415.66,"body":"It seems like you still"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1413.53,"endTime":1415.66,"body":"have a strong relationship with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1415.66,"endTime":1419.47,"body":"God. Prayer as part of your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1415.66,"endTime":1419.47,"body":"life. You have core values. You"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1419.47,"endTime":1422.08,"body":"have morals. You have boundaries"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1419.47,"endTime":1422.08,"body":"and standards. And you didn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1422.08,"endTime":1425.29,"body":"let all of that go. Just because"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1422.08,"endTime":1425.29,"body":"you made a decision."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1425.38,"endTime":1427.75,"body":"Absolutely. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1425.38,"endTime":1427.75,"body":"that that was one of the most,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1428.02,"endTime":1430.93,"body":"if not the most important thing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1428.02,"endTime":1430.93,"body":"And that's what we've made sure,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1431.23,"endTime":1434.59,"body":"in our relationship to notice in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1431.23,"endTime":1434.59,"body":"times where we're like, hey, we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1434.59,"endTime":1437.74,"body":"need to make God more a part of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1434.59,"endTime":1437.74,"body":"our life or, or whatever. But I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1437.74,"endTime":1441.28,"body":"feel like at this point, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1437.74,"endTime":1441.28,"body":"helped me even more so to get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1441.28,"endTime":1445.03,"body":"closer to God, because I feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1441.28,"endTime":1445.03,"body":"like I was doing like what you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1445.03,"endTime":1448.03,"body":"said. I took away my agency, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1445.03,"endTime":1448.03,"body":"I feel like I was like, hey, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1448.03,"endTime":1449.56,"body":"know, this is the way I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1448.03,"endTime":1449.56,"body":"supposed to go. This is what I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1449.56,"endTime":1451.99,"body":"supposed to do. And I just did"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1449.56,"endTime":1451.99,"body":"it. Because I was told I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1451.99,"endTime":1455.47,"body":"supposed to do it versus now."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1451.99,"endTime":1455.47,"body":"You know, I'm, quote, unquote,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1455.47,"endTime":1458.62,"body":"on the other side, and now I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1455.47,"endTime":1458.62,"body":"doing things because I feel that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1458.62,"endTime":1462.61,"body":"that's what I should do. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1458.62,"endTime":1462.61,"body":"feel compelled to do kind things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1462.61,"endTime":1465.46,"body":"or to get closer to God and not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1462.61,"endTime":1465.46,"body":"just do it because it's part of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1465.46,"endTime":1467.92,"body":"the checklist or because it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1465.46,"endTime":1467.92,"body":"what I'm told to do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1468.11,"endTime":1470.3,"body":"One metaphor I try and tell"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1468.11,"endTime":1470.3,"body":"people is if you tell people to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1470.3,"endTime":1473.24,"body":"try and be like me, it's like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1470.3,"endTime":1473.24,"body":"taking off my glasses and giving"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1473.24,"endTime":1475.43,"body":"them to someone else. Like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1473.24,"endTime":1475.43,"body":"that's just gonna give them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1475.43,"endTime":1478.61,"body":"blurry vision and a headache."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1475.43,"endTime":1478.61,"body":"And instead, like, we talk all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1478.61,"endTime":1480.5,"body":"the time about personal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1478.61,"endTime":1480.5,"body":"revelation. And we talked about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1480.5,"endTime":1482.96,"body":"principles. And I think that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1480.5,"endTime":1482.96,"body":"that that we share a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1482.96,"endTime":1485.36,"body":"principles that I think are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1482.96,"endTime":1485.36,"body":"valuable and helpful, but but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1485.36,"endTime":1487.7,"body":"anyone who tries to like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1485.36,"endTime":1487.7,"body":"emulate us. Like, that's just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1487.7,"endTime":1488.96,"body":"like trying to put on our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1487.7,"endTime":1488.96,"body":"glasses."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1488.99,"endTime":1489.8,"body":"No, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1489.86,"endTime":1491.0,"body":"Well, you don't you don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1489.86,"endTime":1491.0,"body":"wear glasses."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1491.0,"endTime":1492.53,"body":"Well. I don't so that"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1491.0,"endTime":1492.53,"body":"would be really rough."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1492.53,"endTime":1494.0,"body":"It would be especially"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1492.53,"endTime":1494.0,"body":"difficult."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1494.96,"endTime":1495.8,"body":"It was difficult."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1497.66,"endTime":1499.82,"body":"Yeah, if you're trying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1497.66,"endTime":1499.82,"body":"to live somebody else's life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1499.82,"endTime":1503.18,"body":"path you're inevitably going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1499.82,"endTime":1503.18,"body":"fail, because it's not your life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.18,"endTime":1503.63,"body":"path."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.66,"endTime":1506.84,"body":"Right? Well, and you don't know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.66,"endTime":1506.84,"body":"what you're supposed to do or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1506.84,"endTime":1510.11,"body":"learn in this life, like you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1506.84,"endTime":1510.11,"body":"don't know if I'm supposed to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1510.11,"endTime":1513.11,"body":"on this path to learn things,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1510.11,"endTime":1513.11,"body":"or, I mean, we just really don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1513.11,"endTime":1516.38,"body":"know. Everybody was born and has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1513.11,"endTime":1516.38,"body":"been given different tools and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1516.38,"endTime":1519.38,"body":"abilities and things that they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1516.38,"endTime":1519.38,"body":"need to learn. And so to say one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1519.38,"endTime":1524.66,"body":"person needs to stay on this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1519.38,"endTime":1524.66,"body":"exact same road and how to stay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1524.66,"endTime":1529.67,"body":"on that road is is pretty crazy."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1524.66,"endTime":1529.67,"body":"To say that for everybody."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1529.85,"endTime":1532.52,"body":"In a way, that's scary, right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1529.85,"endTime":1532.52,"body":"Because shouldn't there be like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1532.55,"endTime":1536.45,"body":"one gospel, one faith, but in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1532.55,"endTime":1536.45,"body":"way, like it just makes so much"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1536.45,"endTime":1539.84,"body":"sense because if if Christ"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1536.45,"endTime":1539.84,"body":"really is our personal Savior,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1540.68,"endTime":1546.44,"body":"if Alma chapter seven is real,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1540.68,"endTime":1546.44,"body":"and that he, he suffered for us,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1546.44,"endTime":1551.6,"body":"he felt us, he knows who we are,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1546.44,"endTime":1551.6,"body":"then isn't everyone's like life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1551.6,"endTime":1554.06,"body":"path, like the ultimate goal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1551.6,"endTime":1554.06,"body":"just to connect with Jesus"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1554.06,"endTime":1554.54,"body":"Christ?"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1554.54,"endTime":1554.84,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1554.99,"endTime":1558.65,"body":"And like, take that,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1554.99,"endTime":1558.65,"body":"that that is the gospel path,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1558.86,"endTime":1562.01,"body":"like connecting with the Savior"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1558.86,"endTime":1562.01,"body":"and understanding personal"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1562.04,"endTime":1566.54,"body":"revelation and agency, and how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1562.04,"endTime":1566.54,"body":"to move and how to repent and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1566.54,"endTime":1571.49,"body":"change course and use the love"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1566.54,"endTime":1571.49,"body":"of God to guide your life. That"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1571.49,"endTime":1574.01,"body":"is, that's the straight and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1571.49,"endTime":1574.01,"body":"narrow path. Right?"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1574.01,"endTime":1574.19,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1574.22,"endTime":1577.7,"body":"That's the path that everyone"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1574.22,"endTime":1577.7,"body":"needs to be on. And, in that way"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1577.7,"endTime":1581.84,"body":"it is universal. That's so"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1577.7,"endTime":1581.84,"body":"interesting, because I had a"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1581.84,"endTime":1585.11,"body":"very specific experience with"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1581.84,"endTime":1585.11,"body":"that. When the site had gone"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1585.11,"endTime":1588.29,"body":"out, when my video had gone out."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1585.11,"endTime":1588.29,"body":"That was the hardest year of my"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1588.29,"endTime":1592.61,"body":"life. I mean, by far, because I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1588.29,"endTime":1592.61,"body":"had pinned myself in this box. I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1592.61,"endTime":1596.18,"body":"did not allow for more space. I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1592.61,"endTime":1596.18,"body":"said, this is what I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1596.18,"endTime":1597.53,"body":"do. And this is how I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1596.18,"endTime":1597.53,"body":"do it."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1597.59,"endTime":1598.55,"body":"How old were you at the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1597.59,"endTime":1598.55,"body":"time?"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1598.94,"endTime":1600.23,"body":"24"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1600.32,"endTime":1601.37,"body":"Oh, you're just a kid."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1601.36,"endTime":1605.14,"body":"I know. I'm still just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1601.36,"endTime":1605.14,"body":"I'm 29 now, but yeah. But in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1605.14,"endTime":1609.94,"body":"five years can do a lot. But um,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1605.14,"endTime":1609.94,"body":"yeah, I had pinned myself in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1609.94,"endTime":1616.42,"body":"this box at such a younger age."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1609.94,"endTime":1616.42,"body":"And it was, it was so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1616.42,"endTime":1619.75,"body":"interesting that whole year,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1616.42,"endTime":1619.75,"body":"because it was the like I said,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1619.75,"endTime":1622.45,"body":"the most difficult year of my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1619.75,"endTime":1622.45,"body":"life. I didn't want to live. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1622.45,"endTime":1625.54,"body":"felt like I had literally taken"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1622.45,"endTime":1625.54,"body":"away my purpose, which was so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1625.54,"endTime":1629.47,"body":"interesting, because when I had"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1625.54,"endTime":1629.47,"body":"released that video, at that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1629.47,"endTime":1633.4,"body":"time, when I was asked to make a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1629.47,"endTime":1633.4,"body":"video, I was trying to figure"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1633.4,"endTime":1636.04,"body":"out how to live this life. I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1633.4,"endTime":1636.04,"body":"like, okay, how do I do this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1636.19,"endTime":1638.59,"body":"without being in a romantic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1636.19,"endTime":1638.59,"body":"relationship with someone of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1638.59,"endTime":1641.62,"body":"same sex? Like, how am I going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1638.59,"endTime":1641.62,"body":"to do this. And so when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1641.62,"endTime":1643.69,"body":"released a video, I'm like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1641.62,"endTime":1643.69,"body":"want this to bring understanding"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1643.69,"endTime":1647.53,"body":"to others. And this can also be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1643.69,"endTime":1647.53,"body":"a purpose for me, like, maybe I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1647.53,"endTime":1651.07,"body":"can go out and speak. And maybe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1647.53,"endTime":1651.07,"body":"this can be my purpose. However,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1651.1,"endTime":1655.54,"body":"when I released that video, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1651.1,"endTime":1655.54,"body":"I had pretty much put myself in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1655.54,"endTime":1660.22,"body":"the box that there were no other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1655.54,"endTime":1660.22,"body":"options I literally felt like I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1660.22,"endTime":1663.79,"body":"had taken away my life, like I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1660.22,"endTime":1663.79,"body":"had taken away my whole drive"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1663.79,"endTime":1667.9,"body":"and purpose in life. And that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1663.79,"endTime":1667.9,"body":"whole year, I did not want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1667.9,"endTime":1673.84,"body":"live. I mean, I, I have never"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1667.9,"endTime":1673.84,"body":"been that low and that suicidal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1673.9,"endTime":1678.43,"body":"ever. And I was making really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1673.9,"endTime":1678.43,"body":"poor choices to cope with the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1678.43,"endTime":1681.34,"body":"pain that I was dealing with. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1678.43,"endTime":1681.34,"body":"remember just laying in my bed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1681.34,"endTime":1686.05,"body":"for days at a time and in a very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1681.34,"endTime":1686.05,"body":"dark, dark basement. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1686.05,"endTime":1688.57,"body":"remember talking to one of my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1686.05,"endTime":1688.57,"body":"family members, and they said,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1688.93,"endTime":1692.71,"body":"do you really think that like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1688.93,"endTime":1692.71,"body":"what you're doing right now is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1692.71,"endTime":1695.2,"body":"the path that you're supposed to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1692.71,"endTime":1695.2,"body":"be on? And they're very, very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1695.2,"endTime":1698.68,"body":"LDS. And I was like, well, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1695.2,"endTime":1698.68,"body":"of course, like I'm celibate. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1698.68,"endTime":1701.14,"body":"read my scriptures every day."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1698.68,"endTime":1701.14,"body":"I'm praying. This is the path"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1701.14,"endTime":1704.05,"body":"I'm supposed to be on. And like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1701.14,"endTime":1704.05,"body":"no, like laying in your bed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1704.05,"endTime":1707.5,"body":"every day you can't help people."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1704.05,"endTime":1707.5,"body":"You can't go, you're not, you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1707.5,"endTime":1710.02,"body":"not able to really function. Is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1707.5,"endTime":1710.02,"body":"this where you're supposed to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1710.02,"endTime":1714.04,"body":"be? Versus how would you be if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1710.02,"endTime":1714.04,"body":"you were in a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1714.04,"endTime":1716.41,"body":"someone? Would you be able to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1714.04,"endTime":1716.41,"body":"help? Would you be more service"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1716.41,"endTime":1719.68,"body":"oriented? Would you get out of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1716.41,"endTime":1719.68,"body":"your bed, you know, and it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1719.68,"endTime":1723.22,"body":"just it kind of clicked for me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1719.68,"endTime":1723.22,"body":"that it's not about the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1723.22,"endTime":1730.18,"body":"checkboxes that it's about being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1723.22,"endTime":1730.18,"body":"able to enjoy life and also, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1730.18,"endTime":1734.44,"body":"know, be compelled and feel the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1730.18,"endTime":1734.44,"body":"desire to serve. And I can say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1734.44,"endTime":1739.51,"body":"that being married, you know, to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1734.44,"endTime":1739.51,"body":"Savannah has changed my life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1740.23,"endTime":1744.16,"body":"immensely. I mean, I, I would"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1740.23,"endTime":1744.16,"body":"never change putting out that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1744.16,"endTime":1748.0,"body":"video despite how difficult it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1744.16,"endTime":1748.0,"body":"was. But because it's brought me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1748.12,"endTime":1751.3,"body":"to where I'm married to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1748.12,"endTime":1751.3,"body":"Savannah, I wouldn't change"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1751.6,"endTime":1756.01,"body":"anything. And I am out of my bed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1751.6,"endTime":1756.01,"body":"every day. I am, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1756.01,"endTime":1759.55,"body":"want to live. I have this spark"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1756.01,"endTime":1759.55,"body":"and fire for life now because of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1759.55,"endTime":1762.97,"body":"her and I, I serve her and she"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1759.55,"endTime":1762.97,"body":"serves me and we're working"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1762.97,"endTime":1765.25,"body":"through life together. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1762.97,"endTime":1765.25,"body":"able to learn about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1765.25,"endTime":1767.68,"body":"relationships and there's so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1765.25,"endTime":1767.68,"body":"many things that I'm able to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1767.68,"endTime":1771.43,"body":"Learn and serve and do now that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1767.68,"endTime":1771.43,"body":"I would have never been able to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1771.43,"endTime":1775.69,"body":"do in my bed, you know, when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1771.43,"endTime":1775.69,"body":"was there for that year."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1776.29,"endTime":1778.57,"body":"Jessica, tell us a little"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1776.29,"endTime":1778.57,"body":"more like how did you get to a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1778.57,"endTime":1781.36,"body":"point where you got out of your"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1778.57,"endTime":1781.36,"body":"bed so that everyone can do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1781.36,"endTime":1782.35,"body":"exactly what you did? Of course."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1783.7,"endTime":1785.56,"body":"Well, you should so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1783.7,"endTime":1785.56,"body":"follow what I do."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1785.56,"endTime":1786.13,"body":"Here's a prescription."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1787.17,"endTime":1791.58,"body":"Here's the answer"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1787.17,"endTime":1791.58,"body":"everybody. Um, no, I, I think it"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1791.58,"endTime":1797.88,"body":"really was just those small"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1791.58,"endTime":1797.88,"body":"moments where I was given just a"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1797.88,"endTime":1802.5,"body":"glimpse of hope that, that I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1797.88,"endTime":1802.5,"body":"shouldn't put myself in this"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1802.5,"endTime":1806.07,"body":"box. I finally kind of punched"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1802.5,"endTime":1806.07,"body":"through the box and open my mind"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1806.07,"endTime":1809.82,"body":"and said, if there's another"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1806.07,"endTime":1809.82,"body":"possibility, if there's another"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1809.82,"endTime":1812.52,"body":"option to live life in a"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1809.82,"endTime":1812.52,"body":"different way than in my bed,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1812.97,"endTime":1817.89,"body":"then I'll take it. And literally"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1812.97,"endTime":1817.89,"body":"Savannah came right then. Like,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1817.89,"endTime":1820.38,"body":"it was the most interesting"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1817.89,"endTime":1820.38,"body":"thing. We were just a friendship"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1821.25,"endTime":1823.89,"body":"at that point, and I was really,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1821.25,"endTime":1823.89,"body":"really struggling and the"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1823.89,"endTime":1827.1,"body":"friendship just blossomed, and"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1823.89,"endTime":1827.1,"body":"everything just fell perfectly"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1827.1,"endTime":1831.21,"body":"into place. It's so interesting."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1827.1,"endTime":1831.21,"body":"So I know that this to the to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1831.21,"endTime":1835.11,"body":"the LDS culture can kind of seem"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1831.21,"endTime":1835.11,"body":"like heresy or whatever. But I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1835.11,"endTime":1839.61,"body":"really opened my mind to God's"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1835.11,"endTime":1839.61,"body":"will, which is what's"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1839.67,"endTime":1843.45,"body":"interesting is that I instead"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1839.67,"endTime":1843.45,"body":"said, no, God wants me to do"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1843.45,"endTime":1846.93,"body":"this. I know that. Like, this is"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1843.45,"endTime":1846.93,"body":"all I'm going to do versus hey,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1847.35,"endTime":1850.95,"body":"if there's a way you want me to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1847.35,"endTime":1850.95,"body":"live, and to open my mind and to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1851.61,"endTime":1854.31,"body":"move forward, then I'd be"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1851.61,"endTime":1854.31,"body":"willing and Savannah came in."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1854.31,"endTime":1857.31,"body":"And, you know, we've been"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1854.31,"endTime":1857.31,"body":"together three, three and a half"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1857.31,"endTime":1861.48,"body":"years. And it's that has, it"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1857.31,"endTime":1861.48,"body":"changed everything for me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1861.75,"endTime":1863.1,"body":"You know, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1861.75,"endTime":1863.1,"body":"interesting what you're saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1863.1,"endTime":1865.62,"body":"about, you know, feeling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1863.1,"endTime":1865.62,"body":"trapped? Because it's Satan, who"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1865.62,"endTime":1867.03,"body":"says, There's no other way."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1867.12,"endTime":1867.45,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1867.51,"endTime":1868.5,"body":"It makes us feel trapped."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1868.53,"endTime":1872.22,"body":"Right. Exactly. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1868.53,"endTime":1872.22,"body":"that's a scary place to be for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1872.22,"endTime":1875.82,"body":"anyone. Yeah, but it's also"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1872.22,"endTime":1875.82,"body":"scary, too. Because I mean,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1875.82,"endTime":1878.1,"body":"punching out of that box is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1875.82,"endTime":1878.1,"body":"scary thing to because you don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1878.1,"endTime":1881.01,"body":"know what's outside of it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1878.1,"endTime":1881.01,"body":"Right? And, and I'm not, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1881.01,"endTime":1884.49,"body":"know, this isn't, I'm not trying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1881.01,"endTime":1884.49,"body":"to say like, you know, look at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1884.55,"endTime":1887.07,"body":"other religion, look at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1884.55,"endTime":1887.07,"body":"whatever. I mean, I'm still I'm,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1887.16,"endTime":1890.91,"body":"I love my Savior. I, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1887.16,"endTime":1890.91,"body":"and I'm, I work on my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1890.91,"endTime":1893.43,"body":"relationship with God and my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1890.91,"endTime":1893.43,"body":"Savior. But yeah, pinning"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1893.43,"endTime":1896.34,"body":"yourself in that box is a scary,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1893.43,"endTime":1896.34,"body":"scary place to be."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1897.23,"endTime":1899.0,"body":"I'm gonna put a poster"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1897.23,"endTime":1899.0,"body":"of you in my room."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1900.92,"endTime":1903.53,"body":"I'm gonna steal your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1900.92,"endTime":1903.53,"body":"poster and put it in my room. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1903.53,"endTime":1904.34,"body":"it'll be perfect."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1905.39,"endTime":1907.4,"body":"Jessica, I remember, when your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1905.39,"endTime":1907.4,"body":"video came out, I was listening"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1907.4,"endTime":1909.35,"body":"to podcasts where people were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1907.4,"endTime":1909.35,"body":"talking about you, I just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1909.35,"endTime":1911.45,"body":"remember thinking, I'm rooting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1909.35,"endTime":1911.45,"body":"for this girl. Like whatever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1911.45,"endTime":1912.95,"body":"happens I'm rooting for her."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1912.95,"endTime":1913.37,"body":"You're so nice."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1913.37,"endTime":1915.35,"body":"And like you have, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1913.37,"endTime":1915.35,"body":"such beautiful energy, like, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1915.35,"endTime":1916.4,"body":"just want to keep rooting for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1915.35,"endTime":1916.4,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1916.46,"endTime":1917.48,"body":"Ah, you're just so"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":1916.46,"endTime":1917.48,"body":"sweet."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1917.9,"endTime":1920.72,"body":"I want to root for you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1917.9,"endTime":1920.72,"body":"too. And like, I feel good."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1920.75,"endTime":1923.36,"body":"Like, I feel the spirit. I felt"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1920.75,"endTime":1923.36,"body":"the spirit and goodness as we've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1923.36,"endTime":1926.75,"body":"had this conversation. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1923.36,"endTime":1926.75,"body":"don't know if this is worth"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1926.75,"endTime":1929.57,"body":"anything. But I'm grateful to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1926.75,"endTime":1929.57,"body":"you for putting out your video"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1929.57,"endTime":1932.45,"body":"and being courageous and doing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1929.57,"endTime":1932.45,"body":"what you felt you needed to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1932.78,"endTime":1936.32,"body":"when you felt you needed to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1932.78,"endTime":1936.32,"body":"it. Even if that changed. And it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1936.32,"endTime":1940.79,"body":"helped me and helped a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1936.32,"endTime":1940.79,"body":"people. And it also, like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1940.79,"endTime":1944.45,"body":"don't know, gosh, this is so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1940.79,"endTime":1944.45,"body":"selfish. But like, watching your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1944.45,"endTime":1947.39,"body":"path helped me figure out how to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1944.45,"endTime":1947.39,"body":"do mine a little bit better. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1947.39,"endTime":1950.78,"body":"take some precautions. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1947.39,"endTime":1950.78,"body":"this is completely uncharted,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1950.99,"endTime":1956.54,"body":"right, this idea of like, gay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1950.99,"endTime":1956.54,"body":"LDS fame is so weird. And like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1956.96,"endTime":1961.16,"body":"and people just get thrust into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1956.96,"endTime":1961.16,"body":"it and watching you and seeing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1961.16,"endTime":1964.28,"body":"the good things you did. And the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1961.16,"endTime":1964.28,"body":"ways that you maybe got boxed in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1964.28,"endTime":1969.11,"body":"or tripped up really helped me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1964.28,"endTime":1969.11,"body":"create a safer space for myself."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1969.11,"endTime":1972.38,"body":"And I'm sorry that it was that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1969.11,"endTime":1972.38,"body":"way for you. But thank you,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1972.38,"endTime":1973.91,"body":"because you helped me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1974.26,"endTime":1978.04,"body":"Thank you. And I, I'm grateful"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1974.26,"endTime":1978.04,"body":"for those, I mean, I hate to say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1978.04,"endTime":1980.02,"body":"like, after me, because I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1978.04,"endTime":1980.02,"body":"feel like I was really ever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1980.02,"endTime":1983.41,"body":"anything but like those, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1980.02,"endTime":1983.41,"body":"know, that have stepped in and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1983.41,"endTime":1987.55,"body":"have, you know, tried to open,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1983.41,"endTime":1987.55,"body":"open the conversation with this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1987.55,"endTime":1990.73,"body":"because I think each step, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1987.55,"endTime":1990.73,"body":"mean, you had, you know, people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1990.73,"endTime":1993.43,"body":"before me that I was looking at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1990.73,"endTime":1993.43,"body":"that I was like, okay, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1993.43,"endTime":1995.86,"body":"they at least put out a video"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1993.43,"endTime":1995.86,"body":"and they've said that they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1995.86,"endTime":1998.32,"body":"gay. Like that was the big thing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1995.86,"endTime":1998.32,"body":"then right was that I have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1998.32,"endTime":2001.77,"body":"say same sex attraction. And so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1998.32,"endTime":2001.77,"body":"I finally got to the point with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2001.77,"endTime":2005.37,"body":"that video that I can say gay."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2001.77,"endTime":2005.37,"body":"And so you know that, that was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2005.37,"endTime":2006.96,"body":"my video was like, it helped me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2005.37,"endTime":2006.96,"body":"say gay."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2006.96,"endTime":2009.42,"body":"Like honestly, what a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2006.96,"endTime":2009.42,"body":"win! What a win!"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2009.0,"endTime":2013.11,"body":"I know. Like they let"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2009.0,"endTime":2013.11,"body":"me to, like, say that I was gay."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2013.11,"endTime":2016.23,"body":"So that was perfect. But, but"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2013.11,"endTime":2016.23,"body":"yeah, I think each step that you"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2016.23,"endTime":2019.5,"body":"learn about it, and that's the"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2016.23,"endTime":2019.5,"body":"biggest thing is I hope that"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2019.92,"endTime":2024.18,"body":"anybody that moves in"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2019.92,"endTime":2024.18,"body":"afterwards, you don't have to, I"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2024.18,"endTime":2026.7,"body":"just don't want anybody to put"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2024.18,"endTime":2026.7,"body":"themselves in a box. Like you"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2026.7,"endTime":2029.13,"body":"said, I don't want anybody to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2026.7,"endTime":2029.13,"body":"say this is how I have to do"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2029.13,"endTime":2033.63,"body":"things. Let, let life take you"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2029.13,"endTime":2033.63,"body":"where it's supposed to take you."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2034.71,"endTime":2037.2,"body":"Because, I mean, it's"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2034.71,"endTime":2037.2,"body":"devastating the amount of"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2037.2,"endTime":2041.13,"body":"suicides and, and things that we"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2037.2,"endTime":2041.13,"body":"have, because because kids feel"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2041.13,"endTime":2043.86,"body":"trapped. And they feel that"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2041.13,"endTime":2043.86,"body":"there's no other option. There's"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2043.86,"endTime":2046.89,"body":"no love from family or"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2043.86,"endTime":2046.89,"body":"acceptance from anybody else"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2046.89,"endTime":2051.9,"body":"unless they stay in their box."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2046.89,"endTime":2051.9,"body":"And, and that's devastating."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2052.08,"endTime":2055.35,"body":"Yeah. I know Charlie"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2052.08,"endTime":2055.35,"body":"pretty well. And I've gotten to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2055.35,"endTime":2057.78,"body":"a point where I don't feel like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2055.35,"endTime":2057.78,"body":"I need to give Charlie any"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2057.78,"endTime":2061.41,"body":"advice. Usually, well, sometimes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2057.78,"endTime":2061.41,"body":"maybe. But I just like trust"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2061.41,"endTime":2063.9,"body":"Charlie. Like I've seen him make"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2061.41,"endTime":2063.9,"body":"choices and decisions and I just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2063.9,"endTime":2066.78,"body":"like trust that he'll make the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2063.9,"endTime":2066.78,"body":"right choice. And, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2066.78,"endTime":2069.12,"body":"just wish that we could all do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2066.78,"endTime":2069.12,"body":"that instead of saying, like, be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2069.12,"endTime":2071.91,"body":"like so and so. Just like trust"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2069.12,"endTime":2071.91,"body":"people to make the right choice."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2072.33,"endTime":2074.07,"body":"Well, you know, now,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2072.33,"endTime":2074.07,"body":"Ben, that you mention it I do"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2074.07,"endTime":2078.06,"body":"have a few pointers for you. A"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2074.07,"endTime":2078.06,"body":"few little tweaks."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2079.86,"endTime":2081.03,"body":"Please tell me how to live"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2079.86,"endTime":2081.03,"body":"my life."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2081.03,"endTime":2081.87,"body":"Let me help you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2083.76,"endTime":2087.0,"body":"Yeah but it's like, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2083.76,"endTime":2087.0,"body":"know, when I started being more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2087.0,"endTime":2090.78,"body":"public, like I was in my 30s I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2087.0,"endTime":2090.78,"body":"already had a very good sense of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2090.78,"endTime":2094.29,"body":"self. Like I knew who I was and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2090.78,"endTime":2094.29,"body":"where I was headed. And I, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2094.29,"endTime":2097.86,"body":"didn't have to like, what people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2094.29,"endTime":2097.86,"body":"said to me or about me, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2097.86,"endTime":2100.53,"body":"didn't affect me as much as if,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2097.86,"endTime":2100.53,"body":"as if I were were younger. So it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2100.53,"endTime":2104.19,"body":"must have been so tough to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2100.53,"endTime":2104.19,"body":"just like a kid. Having the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2104.19,"endTime":2105.93,"body":"whole world look to you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2105.96,"endTime":2108.69,"body":"Yeah. And I and I was warned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2105.96,"endTime":2108.69,"body":"about that. I mean, like I said,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2108.69,"endTime":2111.78,"body":"the leaders of the church have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2108.69,"endTime":2111.78,"body":"been, and leaders, I'm saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2111.78,"endTime":2114.51,"body":"those in church headquarters and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2111.78,"endTime":2114.51,"body":"even apostles, like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2114.51,"endTime":2118.02,"body":"want to speak for them. But the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2114.51,"endTime":2118.02,"body":"messages that I got from them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2118.02,"endTime":2120.78,"body":"through leaders of the church"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2118.02,"endTime":2120.78,"body":"and things like that were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2120.93,"endTime":2124.17,"body":"everything love. Like everything"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2120.93,"endTime":2124.17,"body":"was love. It was all kindness."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2124.17,"endTime":2127.5,"body":"It was all, you know, we love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2124.17,"endTime":2127.5,"body":"you, it's going to be okay."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2127.59,"endTime":2131.79,"body":"Whatever happens type thing. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2127.59,"endTime":2131.79,"body":"the greatest thing that I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2131.85,"endTime":2134.82,"body":"one of the leaders at church"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2131.85,"endTime":2134.82,"body":"headquarters said to me, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2134.82,"endTime":2139.98,"body":"said that my video, they watched"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2134.82,"endTime":2139.98,"body":"soften the hearts of 1000s of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2139.98,"endTime":2144.15,"body":"people. And honestly, that is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2139.98,"endTime":2144.15,"body":"huge thing that also got me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2144.15,"endTime":2148.2,"body":"through the feelings of being a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2144.15,"endTime":2148.2,"body":"failure, and not living how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2148.23,"endTime":2152.25,"body":"everybody thought I was supposed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2148.23,"endTime":2152.25,"body":"to was, at least I was able to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2152.25,"endTime":2156.03,"body":"show people like, hey, please"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2152.25,"endTime":2156.03,"body":"look at this, like, like, please"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2156.03,"endTime":2161.19,"body":"see that this is something that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2156.03,"endTime":2161.19,"body":"is agonizing for everyone that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2161.37,"endTime":2164.73,"body":"that's dealing with it and that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2161.37,"endTime":2164.73,"body":"are trying to navigate their way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2164.73,"endTime":2165.18,"body":"through it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2165.81,"endTime":2170.52,"body":"So if anyone's looking for an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2165.81,"endTime":2170.52,"body":"example, or a poster child for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2170.52,"endTime":2170.76,"body":"themselves..."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2170.76,"endTime":2171.72,"body":"They should look to"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2170.76,"endTime":2171.72,"body":"you. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2171.72,"endTime":2176.28,"body":"Or... No. For"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2171.72,"endTime":2176.28,"body":"themselves or for someone else,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2176.46,"endTime":2179.31,"body":"I think it's just better to try"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2176.46,"endTime":2179.31,"body":"to use it as a point of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2179.31,"endTime":2181.95,"body":"reference and then get to know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2179.31,"endTime":2181.95,"body":"someone's story."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2181.98,"endTime":2182.25,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2182.28,"endTime":2184.92,"body":"Get to know who they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2182.28,"endTime":2184.92,"body":"are, and how you can show up and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2184.92,"endTime":2188.13,"body":"be there for them. And let them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2184.92,"endTime":2188.13,"body":"write their own story and, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2188.13,"endTime":2191.67,"body":"not try to superimpose mine or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2188.13,"endTime":2191.67,"body":"yours or Ben's."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2191.7,"endTime":2193.68,"body":"Yeah. One thing I often tell"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2191.7,"endTime":2193.68,"body":"parents, like, you know, how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2193.68,"endTime":2196.05,"body":"come I could be like you? I say,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2193.68,"endTime":2196.05,"body":"you know, instead of giving them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2196.05,"endTime":2198.39,"body":"my story, ask them to tell you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2196.05,"endTime":2198.39,"body":"theirs."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2198.0,"endTime":2203.52,"body":"Yeah, I love that. I love that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2198.0,"endTime":2203.52,"body":"Because that's yeah, I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2203.52,"endTime":2207.15,"body":"that, that that's the biggest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2203.52,"endTime":2207.15,"body":"part is just understanding each"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2207.15,"endTime":2209.76,"body":"other and, and loving each"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2207.15,"endTime":2209.76,"body":"other. It's all about love."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2209.79,"endTime":2213.3,"body":"Like, I know that that can maybe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2209.79,"endTime":2213.3,"body":"get a bad rap, the love wins."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2213.3,"endTime":2216.78,"body":"But it really does like that no"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2213.3,"endTime":2216.78,"body":"matter what, like, that's what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2216.78,"endTime":2219.3,"body":"you need is we need love and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2216.78,"endTime":2219.3,"body":"understanding."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2219.78,"endTime":2223.02,"body":"Definitely. It's interesting, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2219.78,"endTime":2223.02,"body":"usually respond to the questions"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2223.02,"endTime":2224.88,"body":"from the closet emails we get."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2223.02,"endTime":2224.88,"body":"And sometimes people tell us"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2224.88,"endTime":2228.84,"body":"like these long stories. And as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2224.88,"endTime":2228.84,"body":"I read them, like with a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2228.9,"endTime":2233.1,"body":"therapist eye, usually they like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2228.9,"endTime":2233.1,"body":"tell me in the message, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2233.22,"endTime":2236.13,"body":"what they know they should do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2233.22,"endTime":2236.13,"body":"next. And they're like, well,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2236.13,"endTime":2238.47,"body":"what should I do? I'm like, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2236.13,"endTime":2238.47,"body":"just said..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2238.47,"endTime":2239.37,"body":"You know what to do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2239.37,"endTime":2241.71,"body":"Just have the courage"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2239.37,"endTime":2241.71,"body":"to do it. And just today I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2241.71,"endTime":2245.22,"body":"responded to an email and I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2241.71,"endTime":2245.22,"body":"like, there was a lot to unpack"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2245.22,"endTime":2248.16,"body":"in this email. And Charlie and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2245.22,"endTime":2248.16,"body":"are not the ones to give you an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2248.16,"endTime":2251.67,"body":"answer. Because you already gave"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2248.16,"endTime":2251.67,"body":"yourself the answer. Just do the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2251.67,"endTime":2254.91,"body":"thing you feel prompted to do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2251.67,"endTime":2254.91,"body":"And for some reason, we want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2254.91,"endTime":2256.83,"body":"like look to someone to like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2254.91,"endTime":2256.83,"body":"validate this choice we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2256.83,"endTime":2259.11,"body":"make. And you know the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2256.83,"endTime":2259.11,"body":"validation that matters is what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2259.11,"endTime":2259.95,"body":"comes from within."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2260.05,"endTime":2263.59,"body":"Oh, absolutely. So I had this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2260.05,"endTime":2263.59,"body":"really, really cool experience."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2263.92,"endTime":2268.42,"body":"That was kind of life changing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2263.92,"endTime":2268.42,"body":"in a way. Me and Savannah were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2269.05,"endTime":2272.92,"body":"trying to find our reception"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2269.05,"endTime":2272.92,"body":"center. And we were with my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2272.92,"endTime":2275.65,"body":"grandma who's done a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2272.92,"endTime":2275.65,"body":"reception centers before. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2275.89,"endTime":2278.11,"body":"she was looking at all of these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2275.89,"endTime":2278.11,"body":"different reception centers and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2278.11,"endTime":2280.81,"body":"was like, hey, like, this one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2278.11,"endTime":2280.81,"body":"looks really good. And Savs"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2280.99,"endTime":2283.9,"body":"picked one up, and it was called"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2280.99,"endTime":2283.9,"body":"the monarch. And she was like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2284.11,"endTime":2286.6,"body":"this is the one. Like, I want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2284.11,"endTime":2286.6,"body":"go see this one and my grandma's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2286.6,"endTime":2288.55,"body":"like, well go to these other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2286.6,"endTime":2288.55,"body":"ones, because these other ones"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2288.55,"endTime":2291.76,"body":"look better and, and are better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2288.55,"endTime":2291.76,"body":"and Savs is like I really feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2291.76,"endTime":2295.0,"body":"like we should go to this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2291.76,"endTime":2295.0,"body":"reception center. So we went to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2295.0,"endTime":2297.88,"body":"that one first. She made an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2295.0,"endTime":2297.88,"body":"appointment to go look at it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2297.91,"endTime":2301.18,"body":"And I met her there after work."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2297.91,"endTime":2301.18,"body":"And as soon as I pulled up, my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2301.18,"endTime":2306.49,"body":"heart literally dropped. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2301.18,"endTime":2306.49,"body":"just had the most anxiety. I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2306.49,"endTime":2311.38,"body":"just, I was like in shock. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2306.49,"endTime":2311.38,"body":"then I had a really, really cool"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2311.38,"endTime":2316.6,"body":"moment that sort of changed it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2311.38,"endTime":2316.6,"body":"for me, kind of enlightenment, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2316.6,"endTime":2319.99,"body":"guess. So I text Savs and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2316.6,"endTime":2319.99,"body":"said, hey, I have something to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2319.99,"endTime":2322.72,"body":"tell you but I'm going to tell"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2319.99,"endTime":2322.72,"body":"you after. I didn't want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2322.72,"endTime":2325.69,"body":"anything I had to say to impact"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2322.72,"endTime":2325.69,"body":"her decision on the reception"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2325.69,"endTime":2329.89,"body":"center. So we went. We, and at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2325.69,"endTime":2329.89,"body":"the end, she was like this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2329.89,"endTime":2333.43,"body":"it. Like this is the place. This"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2329.89,"endTime":2333.43,"body":"is where I want to go. And I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2333.43,"endTime":2336.55,"body":"like, okay, like I have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2333.43,"endTime":2336.55,"body":"something to tell you. She was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2336.55,"endTime":2339.97,"body":"like, all right. And I was like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2336.55,"endTime":2339.97,"body":"I actually filmed my Mormon"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2339.97,"endTime":2340.75,"body":"message here."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2341.68,"endTime":2342.22,"body":"What?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2343.35,"endTime":2349.35,"body":"Yeah, so it was the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2343.35,"endTime":2349.35,"body":"exact same place. And that's why"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2349.35,"endTime":2352.38,"body":"I had anxiety cuz I was like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2349.35,"endTime":2352.38,"body":"you know, this was where it all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2352.38,"endTime":2355.98,"body":"started. But it had been like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2352.38,"endTime":2355.98,"body":"this broken down warehouse when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2355.98,"endTime":2359.7,"body":"I had filmed it but they had"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2355.98,"endTime":2359.7,"body":"redone it into this reception"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2359.7,"endTime":2362.37,"body":"center. So they had painted the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2359.7,"endTime":2362.37,"body":"brick white. They had cleaned it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2362.37,"endTime":2365.1,"body":"up. They put all these awesome"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2362.37,"endTime":2365.1,"body":"like exposed beams. So it was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2365.1,"endTime":2368.28,"body":"like this gorgeous place. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2365.1,"endTime":2368.28,"body":"when I was in the truck when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2368.31,"endTime":2371.34,"body":"first pulled up, obviously I had"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2368.31,"endTime":2371.34,"body":"the first panic of like, wow,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2371.34,"endTime":2373.74,"body":"like this, this was a really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2371.34,"endTime":2373.74,"body":"difficult part of my life like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2373.74,"endTime":2377.04,"body":"this was, you know, really,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2373.74,"endTime":2377.04,"body":"really hard. But then I had this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2377.04,"endTime":2381.66,"body":"really cool, enlightenment and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2377.04,"endTime":2381.66,"body":"feel like just inspiration from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2381.66,"endTime":2386.34,"body":"God like that pretty much just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2381.66,"endTime":2386.34,"body":"told me that at that time when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2386.34,"endTime":2389.94,"body":"had filmed that message in this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2386.34,"endTime":2389.94,"body":"broken down, abandoned warehouse"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2390.33,"endTime":2393.33,"body":"that symbolized who I was at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2390.33,"endTime":2393.33,"body":"that time, like I was broken"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2393.33,"endTime":2395.49,"body":"down. I was trying to find my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2393.33,"endTime":2395.49,"body":"way. I was doing the best that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2395.49,"endTime":2399.27,"body":"could. Then they redid it into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2395.49,"endTime":2399.27,"body":"this beautiful, stunning"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2399.3,"endTime":2404.7,"body":"reception center. And there I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2399.3,"endTime":2404.7,"body":"was, like, almost redone, like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2404.97,"endTime":2406.92,"body":"re, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2406.98,"endTime":2408.33,"body":"Renovated in a way."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2408.0,"endTime":2410.73,"body":"Yeah, like renovating"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2408.0,"endTime":2410.73,"body":"my own life. Yeah, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2410.73,"endTime":2415.53,"body":"renovating my own life and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2410.73,"endTime":2415.53,"body":"starting new. And I was able to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2416.31,"endTime":2419.79,"body":"yeah, almost like mirror what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2416.31,"endTime":2419.79,"body":"happened to that warehouse like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2419.79,"endTime":2423.24,"body":"it was just beautifully redone."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2419.79,"endTime":2423.24,"body":"And so we ended up having our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2423.24,"endTime":2425.97,"body":"reception there. And I felt like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2423.24,"endTime":2425.97,"body":"it was just such a cool..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2426.42,"endTime":2428.4,"body":"Yeah. Like a full"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2426.42,"endTime":2428.4,"body":"circle moment."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2428.4,"endTime":2430.53,"body":"Yeah, it's like a full"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2428.4,"endTime":2430.53,"body":"circle moment where I was able"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2430.53,"endTime":2434.58,"body":"to be like, hey, like, now I can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2430.53,"endTime":2434.58,"body":"redo my life like this warehouse"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2434.61,"endTime":2438.45,"body":"in a beautiful way. And in a way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2434.61,"endTime":2438.45,"body":"that I felt that God had led me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2438.45,"endTime":2438.87,"body":"to do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2439.29,"endTime":2440.46,"body":"That's so empowering."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2440.64,"endTime":2441.06,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2441.54,"endTime":2443.46,"body":"And it's also kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2441.54,"endTime":2443.46,"body":"cool because like, even the name"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2443.46,"endTime":2446.13,"body":"of the venue of the monarch is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2443.46,"endTime":2446.13,"body":"like from Caterpillar to a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2446.13,"endTime":2448.77,"body":"butterfly. And it's just like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2446.13,"endTime":2448.77,"body":"your transformation."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2449.08,"endTime":2451.51,"body":"I love that. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2449.08,"endTime":2451.51,"body":"that's one of the coolest parts."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2451.57,"endTime":2452.59,"body":"I just love. So love it."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2453.039,"endTime":2455.319,"body":"In your wedding"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2453.039,"endTime":2455.319,"body":"reception was in the same venue"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2455.319,"endTime":2457.869,"body":"as your Mormon message where you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2455.319,"endTime":2457.869,"body":"said you would never get"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2457.869,"endTime":2458.289,"body":"married."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2459.82,"endTime":2461.59,"body":"I know. Isn't that"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2459.82,"endTime":2461.59,"body":"ironic?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2462.05,"endTime":2463.46,"body":"Crazy turns life takes."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2464.15,"endTime":2466.22,"body":"Really amazing."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2464.15,"endTime":2466.22,"body":"Beautiful story. Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2466.22,"endTime":2466.76,"body":"sharing that."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2466.79,"endTime":2468.05,"body":"Yeah, absolutely. Thank"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2466.79,"endTime":2468.05,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2468.8,"endTime":2470.66,"body":"Well, Jessica, thank"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2468.8,"endTime":2470.66,"body":"you so much. This has been an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2470.72,"endTime":2473.03,"body":"awesome conversation. I've loved"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2470.72,"endTime":2473.03,"body":"every minute, and you're just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2473.03,"endTime":2475.19,"body":"bright and happy, and it makes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2473.03,"endTime":2475.19,"body":"me happy."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2475.82,"endTime":2477.02,"body":"And we're rooting for you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2477.05,"endTime":2477.89,"body":"We're rooting for you."},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2478.45,"endTime":2480.61,"body":"Thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2478.45,"endTime":2480.61,"body":"having me. And I'm rooting for"},{"speaker":"Jessica","startTime":2480.61,"endTime":2481.15,"body":"both of you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2482.26,"endTime":2484.48,"body":"Thank you for joining"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2482.26,"endTime":2484.48,"body":"us today. If you have enjoyed"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2484.48,"endTime":2486.85,"body":"this or other episodes, please"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2484.48,"endTime":2486.85,"body":"consider leaving us a review."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2487.18,"endTime":2489.73,"body":"And as always, please remember"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2487.18,"endTime":2489.73,"body":"that we do not represent the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2489.73,"endTime":2491.95,"body":"Church of Jesus Christ of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2489.73,"endTime":2491.95,"body":"Latter-day Saints or Brigham"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2491.95,"endTime":2494.47,"body":"Young University. We are not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2491.95,"endTime":2494.47,"body":"trying to be prescriptive or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2494.47,"endTime":2496.24,"body":"tell anyone what to think or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2494.47,"endTime":2496.24,"body":"what to do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2496.57,"endTime":2498.01,"body":"You heard three"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2496.57,"endTime":2498.01,"body":"perspectives, and there are"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2498.01,"endTime":2500.62,"body":"many, many more. We encourage"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2498.01,"endTime":2500.62,"body":"you to listen to other voices"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2500.62,"endTime":2502.96,"body":"and hear a wide variety of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2500.62,"endTime":2502.96,"body":"experiences. If you'd like to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2502.96,"endTime":2505.39,"body":"submit a question or share a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2502.96,"endTime":2505.39,"body":"comment about today's episode,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2505.42,"endTime":2507.82,"body":"you can email us at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2505.42,"endTime":2507.82,"body":"questionsfromthecloset@gmail.com"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2508.45,"endTime":2510.25,"body":"and I'll answer it. Until next"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2508.45,"endTime":2510.25,"body":"time."}]}