{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":6.42,"endTime":8.82,"body":"Welcome to Questions from"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":6.42,"endTime":8.82,"body":"the Closet. I'm Ben Schilaty."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":8.93,"endTime":11.42,"body":"And I'm Charlie Bird."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":8.93,"endTime":11.42,"body":"Each episode we discuss a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":11.42,"endTime":14.36,"body":"question that we commonly get"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":11.42,"endTime":14.36,"body":"asked as LGBTQ Latter-day Sa"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":14.36,"endTime":14.87,"body":"nts."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":15.02,"endTime":16.7,"body":"We're not trying to answer"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":15.02,"endTime":16.7,"body":"this question or come to a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":16.7,"endTime":19.4,"body":"consensus but simply sharing our"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":16.7,"endTime":19.4,"body":"perspectives. Today's question"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":19.4,"endTime":20.93,"body":"is, why do you stay in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":19.4,"endTime":20.93,"body":"church?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":21.29,"endTime":23.33,"body":"Ben and I are not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":21.29,"endTime":23.33,"body":"terribly diverse and we share"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":23.33,"endTime":26.09,"body":"many opinions and life"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":23.33,"endTime":26.09,"body":"experiences. For example, we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":26.09,"endTime":28.1,"body":"have both been in Elders Quorum"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":26.09,"endTime":28.1,"body":"presidencies."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":28.16,"endTime":30.17,"body":"However, there are some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":28.16,"endTime":30.17,"body":"pretty big differences. For"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":30.17,"endTime":32.45,"body":"example, I have been in five"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":30.17,"endTime":32.45,"body":"Elders Quorum presidencies, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":32.45,"endTime":33.47,"body":"Charlie's only been in one."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":33.59,"endTime":34.97,"body":"Have you ever been the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":33.59,"endTime":34.97,"body":"president?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":35.0,"endTime":35.48,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":35.0,"endTime":39.14,"body":"Yes, I was an EQP. Yeah in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":35.0,"endTime":39.14,"body":"the singles ward in Everett,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":35.27,"endTime":35.87,"body":"EQP?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":39.14,"endTime":40.49,"body":"where I'm from when I  was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":39.14,"endTime":40.49,"body":"24."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":41.66,"endTime":42.5,"body":"Nice. I'm always..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":42.0,"endTime":44.43,"body":"Actually, get this. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":42.0,"endTime":44.43,"body":"became Elders Quorum President"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":44.43,"endTime":47.79,"body":"then like a month later, I left"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":44.43,"endTime":47.79,"body":"to Europe for a month. That was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":47.79,"endTime":48.33,"body":"terrible."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":48.62,"endTime":50.18,"body":"Oh, I don't think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":48.62,"endTime":50.18,"body":"anyone cares. They probably"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":50.18,"endTime":53.24,"body":"rejoiced. But I bet you were"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":50.18,"endTime":53.24,"body":"a real self-righteous Elde"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":53.24,"endTime":53.81,"body":"s Quorum Presiden"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":53.84,"endTime":56.15,"body":"Oh, at 24? Definitely."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":53.84,"endTime":56.15,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":56.189,"endTime":57.899,"body":"I was always like, FHE"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":56.189,"endTime":57.899,"body":"dad."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":58.47,"endTime":60.72,"body":"Oh, really, that's like my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":58.47,"endTime":60.72,"body":"nightmare calling."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":60.78,"endTime":62.94,"body":"Oh, really, I love that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":60.78,"endTime":62.94,"body":"I just one time we made butter."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":63.36,"endTime":65.94,"body":"I just like bought some heavy"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":63.36,"endTime":65.94,"body":"whipping cream. And we made"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":65.94,"endTime":68.52,"body":"people shake in a jar and then I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":65.94,"endTime":68.52,"body":"had butter for the week."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":70.16,"endTime":72.47,"body":"Part of being FHE dad, is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":70.16,"endTime":72.47,"body":"you have to come up with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":72.47,"endTime":74.87,"body":"something fun for a diverse"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":72.47,"endTime":74.87,"body":"group of people every week and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":74.87,"endTime":75.59,"body":"it just seems daunting."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":75.0,"endTime":77.49,"body":"See, the problem for me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":75.0,"endTime":77.49,"body":"is that I had to have a wife."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":78.9,"endTime":81.0,"body":"And I don't like Elders"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":78.9,"endTime":81.0,"body":"Quorum presidencies because you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":78.93,"endTime":80.46,"body":"FHE mom. Get it? That's a joke."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":81.0,"endTime":83.34,"body":"have to do ministering. And that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":81.0,"endTime":83.34,"body":"is just so much work. And..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":84.96,"endTime":85.92,"body":"Everyone has to do"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":84.96,"endTime":85.92,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":85.98,"endTime":88.44,"body":"No, no, you have to like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":85.98,"endTime":88.44,"body":"organize it. And I'm just not an"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":88.44,"endTime":89.07,"body":"organizer."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":89.1,"endTime":89.85,"body":"Yeah, I'm out."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":90.0,"endTime":92.04,"body":"Yeah. So all I've ever"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":90.0,"endTime":92.04,"body":"wanted to do was just teach"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":92.04,"endTime":94.38,"body":"gospel doctrine. And they have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":92.04,"endTime":94.38,"body":"never called me to do it. So"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":94.38,"endTime":96.96,"body":"Bishop, if you're listening, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":94.38,"endTime":96.96,"body":"just want to be gospel doctrine,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":96.96,"endTime":97.95,"body":"teacher for the rest of my life."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":99.45,"endTime":101.67,"body":"Oh, we usually provide"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":99.45,"endTime":101.67,"body":"a variety of voices and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":101.67,"endTime":104.04,"body":"perspectives. But today is just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":101.67,"endTime":104.04,"body":"going to be us. This is one of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":104.04,"endTime":107.91,"body":"our most asked questions. Why we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":104.04,"endTime":107.91,"body":"stay in the church?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":107.93,"endTime":110.54,"body":"Yeah. So today, we're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":107.93,"endTime":110.54,"body":"joined by nobody, except for us,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":110.57,"endTime":110.81,"body":"just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":111.02,"endTime":112.1,"body":"hopefully, the Spirit."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":114.19,"endTime":117.52,"body":"And some listeners. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":114.19,"endTime":117.52,"body":"So as I thought about this,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":117.52,"endTime":120.76,"body":"like, why do I stay in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":117.52,"endTime":120.76,"body":"church? I remember for a long"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":120.76,"endTime":123.55,"body":"time, like in my 20s, I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":120.76,"endTime":123.55,"body":"like felt like I had to stay."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":123.79,"endTime":125.62,"body":"And actually one of the first"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":123.79,"endTime":125.62,"body":"times I was like, really honest"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":125.62,"endTime":127.84,"body":"with God, and just like trying"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":125.62,"endTime":127.84,"body":"to figure out what my life"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":127.84,"endTime":129.91,"body":"should be. I'm just like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":127.84,"endTime":129.91,"body":"thinking that I had these two"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":129.91,"endTime":132.61,"body":"paths I could take where I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":129.91,"endTime":132.61,"body":"either am in a same sex"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":132.61,"endTime":135.52,"body":"relationship and out of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":132.61,"endTime":135.52,"body":"church, or I'm in the church,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":135.52,"endTime":138.16,"body":"and lonely and single for the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":135.52,"endTime":138.16,"body":"rest of my life. And I remember"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":138.16,"endTime":140.77,"body":"praying and telling God that if"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":138.16,"endTime":140.77,"body":"he needed me to be lonely, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":140.77,"endTime":143.47,"body":"single for the next 60 years, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":140.77,"endTime":143.47,"body":"was willing to do that, to show"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":143.47,"endTime":146.65,"body":"them how faithful I could be."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":143.47,"endTime":146.65,"body":"And like, that's how I felt like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":146.71,"endTime":151.39,"body":"I was choosing a hard, lonely"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":146.71,"endTime":151.39,"body":"path to stay in the church. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":151.39,"endTime":154.78,"body":"so as I've grown and matured,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":151.39,"endTime":154.78,"body":"like, instead of saying, stay in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":154.78,"endTime":157.57,"body":"the church, I prefer to say,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":154.78,"endTime":157.57,"body":"move forward in the church,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":157.9,"endTime":159.73,"body":"because like, who do you tell to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":157.9,"endTime":159.73,"body":"stay, you'd have to tell a dog"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":159.73,"endTime":161.86,"body":"this day you tell a child this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":159.73,"endTime":161.86,"body":"day, like, it's all about, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":161.86,"endTime":164.47,"body":"not moving forward? And I want"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":161.86,"endTime":164.47,"body":"to move forward. So like, how"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":164.47,"endTime":166.69,"body":"can I move forward in this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":164.47,"endTime":166.69,"body":"organization? As I thought about"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":166.69,"endTime":169.54,"body":"even like, more deeply, I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":166.69,"endTime":169.54,"body":"that is even not quite where I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":169.54,"endTime":172.87,"body":"want to what I want to say. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":169.54,"endTime":172.87,"body":"more what I want to say is, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":172.87,"endTime":175.42,"body":"know, I want to be where God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":172.87,"endTime":175.42,"body":"wants me to be. Like, I want to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":175.42,"endTime":179.5,"body":"be a tool in his hand, like I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":175.42,"endTime":179.5,"body":"want to be on his errand. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":179.5,"endTime":182.77,"body":"how can I do that? Like, in what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":179.5,"endTime":182.77,"body":"way can I can I do God's will"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":182.77,"endTime":186.34,"body":"for me? And so I've kind of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":182.77,"endTime":186.34,"body":"shifted from thinking, well,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":186.34,"endTime":189.73,"body":"should I stay in the church to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":186.34,"endTime":189.73,"body":"what path does God want me to be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":189.73,"endTime":189.91,"body":"on?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":190.5,"endTime":191.37,"body":"That's really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":190.5,"endTime":191.37,"body":"beautiful."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":191.43,"endTime":193.65,"body":"And like, how can I work in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":191.43,"endTime":193.65,"body":"his vineyard? That's, that's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":193.65,"endTime":195.45,"body":"what I want? That's the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":193.65,"endTime":195.45,"body":"question. I feel like we should"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":195.45,"endTime":196.05,"body":"be asking."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":196.3,"endTime":199.93,"body":"Yeah, I feel like so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":196.3,"endTime":199.93,"body":"many people feel forced to stay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":199.93,"endTime":203.17,"body":"in the church. And I feel like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":199.93,"endTime":203.17,"body":"every time you try to force"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":203.17,"endTime":206.86,"body":"yourself to do something, then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":203.17,"endTime":206.86,"body":"that element of like, desire and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":206.86,"endTime":210.55,"body":"truth and authenticity is lost."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":206.86,"endTime":210.55,"body":"And I think it's like, I have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":210.55,"endTime":212.86,"body":"stay in the church, I have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":210.55,"endTime":212.86,"body":"stay in the church that, at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":212.86,"endTime":215.83,"body":"least for me, that put me in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":212.86,"endTime":215.83,"body":"really bad mindset, where I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":215.83,"endTime":219.43,"body":"only looking at all the bad"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":215.83,"endTime":219.43,"body":"things that were like I because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":219.43,"endTime":222.46,"body":"I like to be completely honest,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":219.43,"endTime":222.46,"body":"like, I have so many reasons to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":222.46,"endTime":225.67,"body":"leave the church like, like, as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":222.46,"endTime":225.67,"body":"a gay member of the church, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":225.67,"endTime":229.54,"body":"really difficult. And I could, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":225.67,"endTime":229.54,"body":"could, and I can and I sometimes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":229.54,"endTime":233.68,"body":"do just like, pick them out and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":229.54,"endTime":233.68,"body":"sort through them. But when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":233.71,"endTime":236.8,"body":"move it more to like, you were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":233.71,"endTime":236.8,"body":"saying, Ben, this this, like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":236.89,"endTime":240.52,"body":"bigger mentality and take myself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":236.89,"endTime":240.52,"body":"to a higher plane, and I look at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":240.52,"endTime":243.49,"body":"my spirituality and my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":240.52,"endTime":243.49,"body":"relationship with God, then I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":243.49,"endTime":247.21,"body":"can find the value in this and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":243.49,"endTime":247.21,"body":"figure out how I want to move"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":247.21,"endTime":250.75,"body":"forward. And this is where my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":247.21,"endTime":250.75,"body":"path has taken me."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":251.13,"endTime":252.9,"body":"And it's interesting is you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":251.13,"endTime":252.9,"body":"said, like, you have good"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":252.9,"endTime":255.18,"body":"reasons to leave. I have a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":252.9,"endTime":255.18,"body":"number of friends who've left"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":255.18,"endTime":259.02,"body":"the church for a wide variety of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":255.18,"endTime":259.02,"body":"reasons, whether it be like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":259.02,"endTime":262.74,"body":"social issues, or historical"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":259.02,"endTime":262.74,"body":"things, or, like priesthood"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":262.74,"endTime":265.44,"body":"leaders doing inappropriate"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":262.74,"endTime":265.44,"body":"things, you know, like a wide"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":265.44,"endTime":268.68,"body":"variety of reasons. And I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":265.44,"endTime":268.68,"body":"any of us could find like a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":268.68,"endTime":271.2,"body":"legitimate reason to leave the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":268.68,"endTime":271.2,"body":"organization."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":271.38,"endTime":274.53,"body":"Well, I think the point"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":271.38,"endTime":274.53,"body":"of this episode isn't to tell"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":274.53,"endTime":278.31,"body":"other people that we are staying"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":274.53,"endTime":278.31,"body":"in the church so they should"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":278.31,"endTime":281.85,"body":"too. It's just like, we are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":278.31,"endTime":281.85,"body":"genuinely asked by a lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":281.85,"endTime":286.29,"body":"people often why we are willing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":281.85,"endTime":286.29,"body":"to stay involved in an"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":286.29,"endTime":291.09,"body":"organization that discriminates"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":286.29,"endTime":291.09,"body":"against us and misunderstands us"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":291.09,"endTime":293.88,"body":"and has caused us a lot of pain."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":291.09,"endTime":293.88,"body":"So today, we want to talk about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":293.88,"endTime":296.85,"body":"those beautiful things that add"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":293.88,"endTime":296.85,"body":"value and meaning to our lives"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":296.85,"endTime":297.75,"body":"and our spirituality."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":298.01,"endTime":300.8,"body":"So one of my personal"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":298.01,"endTime":300.8,"body":"heroes is Jane Manning James. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":300.8,"endTime":303.02,"body":"actually have a picture for my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":300.8,"endTime":303.02,"body":"office because I love her so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":303.02,"endTime":306.53,"body":"much. She was an early convert"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":303.02,"endTime":306.53,"body":"to the church in Connecticut and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":306.53,"endTime":309.32,"body":"an early black member of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":306.53,"endTime":309.32,"body":"church. And she and her family"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":309.35,"endTime":312.53,"body":"immigrated to Nauvoo. She was a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":309.35,"endTime":312.53,"body":"close personal friend of Joseph"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":312.53,"endTime":316.46,"body":"and Emma Smith. And then she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":312.53,"endTime":316.46,"body":"immigrated West in 1847, and one"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":316.46,"endTime":319.43,"body":"of the first companies and was a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":316.46,"endTime":319.43,"body":"close friend to Brigham Young,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":319.43,"endTime":321.62,"body":"John Taylor, Wilford Woodruff,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":319.43,"endTime":321.62,"body":"Lorenzo Snow and Joseph F."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":321.62,"endTime":326.12,"body":"Smith, like the super stalwart"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":321.62,"endTime":326.12,"body":"woman. And she asked repeatedly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":326.12,"endTime":328.94,"body":"to be sealed to her family, but"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":326.12,"endTime":328.94,"body":"was repeatedly told that she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":328.94,"endTime":331.91,"body":"couldn't be because she was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":328.94,"endTime":331.91,"body":"black. And she actually wrote"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":331.91,"endTime":334.28,"body":"this like really beautiful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":331.91,"endTime":334.28,"body":"letter to John Taylor explaining"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":334.28,"endTime":337.4,"body":"why she wanted, in like the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":334.28,"endTime":337.4,"body":"1880s, she explained why she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":337.4,"endTime":341.78,"body":"wanted to be sealed to her"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":337.4,"endTime":341.78,"body":"family. And she explains why she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":341.81,"endTime":344.57,"body":"she's like, I know, I can't go"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":341.81,"endTime":344.57,"body":"to the temple because of my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":344.57,"endTime":347.75,"body":"race. And then she says, but as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":344.57,"endTime":347.75,"body":"this is the dispensation of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":347.75,"endTime":351.62,"body":"fulness of times, is there no"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":347.75,"endTime":351.62,"body":"blessing for me. And I just love"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":351.62,"endTime":355.16,"body":"her faith, because I feel like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":351.62,"endTime":355.16,"body":"Jane had a lot of reasons to not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":355.16,"endTime":357.8,"body":"believe and to step away, but"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":355.16,"endTime":357.8,"body":"she stayed true to what she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":357.8,"endTime":361.55,"body":"knew. And that really inspires"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":357.8,"endTime":361.55,"body":"me to like live true to my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":361.55,"endTime":364.16,"body":"convictions as well. So in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":361.55,"endTime":364.16,"body":"Doctrine and Covenants, it talks"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":364.16,"endTime":367.1,"body":"about how you know, to some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":364.16,"endTime":367.1,"body":"people is given to know that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":367.1,"endTime":369.44,"body":"Jesus is the Christ and other"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":367.1,"endTime":369.44,"body":"people, it's given to believe on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":369.44,"endTime":374.36,"body":"their words. And I was given the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":369.44,"endTime":374.36,"body":"gift to know like, I'm a knower."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":374.84,"endTime":377.45,"body":"And I don't know why I've been"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":374.84,"endTime":377.45,"body":"like, blessed with such a strong"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":377.45,"endTime":381.68,"body":"testimony. But I know a lot of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":377.45,"endTime":381.68,"body":"LGBTQ members of the church who"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":381.68,"endTime":385.04,"body":"have been like mad or angry at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":381.68,"endTime":385.04,"body":"God or have questioned God's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":385.04,"endTime":389.03,"body":"existence. And I never have."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":385.04,"endTime":389.03,"body":"Like, I don't recall a single"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":389.03,"endTime":392.09,"body":"moment where I was angry. It was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":389.03,"endTime":392.09,"body":"always just like confusion,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":392.09,"endTime":394.31,"body":"like, Okay, well, how does this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":392.09,"endTime":394.31,"body":"work? Like, God and I are going"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":394.31,"endTime":398.12,"body":"to make this work. And even when"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":394.31,"endTime":398.12,"body":"I was like, wondering if the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":398.12,"endTime":401.48,"body":"church was right place for me, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":398.12,"endTime":401.48,"body":"never wondered if God existed. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":401.48,"endTime":404.69,"body":"was just wondering, like, where"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":401.48,"endTime":404.69,"body":"does God want me to be. And so I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":404.69,"endTime":407.99,"body":"just feel like I've been given"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":404.69,"endTime":407.99,"body":"this gift to know. And that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":407.99,"endTime":410.9,"body":"knowledge has like, been a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":407.99,"endTime":410.9,"body":"powerful driver in my life."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":411.3,"endTime":415.44,"body":"I feel like for me,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":411.3,"endTime":415.44,"body":"another gift has been like tools"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":415.44,"endTime":419.46,"body":"that have helped me know and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":415.44,"endTime":419.46,"body":"figure out who God is, and my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":419.46,"endTime":423.36,"body":"relationship with Christ. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":419.46,"endTime":423.36,"body":"realized about two years ago"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":423.36,"endTime":426.99,"body":"that I've always known how to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":423.36,"endTime":426.99,"body":"pray. And I've always known how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":426.99,"endTime":430.23,"body":"to search the Scriptures. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":426.99,"endTime":430.23,"body":"I've always had a religious like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":430.23,"endTime":434.16,"body":"support system and structure"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":430.23,"endTime":434.16,"body":"around me. And as I like, meet"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":434.16,"endTime":436.68,"body":"with new people, or I guess on"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":434.16,"endTime":436.68,"body":"my mission, like one of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":436.77,"endTime":439.86,"body":"craziest things to me was the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":436.77,"endTime":439.86,"body":"first time somebody didn't know"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":439.86,"endTime":442.86,"body":"how to pray. And I was able to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":439.86,"endTime":442.86,"body":"teach them. And that was a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":442.86,"endTime":445.5,"body":"really beautiful experience. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":442.86,"endTime":445.5,"body":"I've been praying with my family"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":445.5,"endTime":450.48,"body":"since I was like a baby, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":445.5,"endTime":450.48,"body":"know. And that is, in part"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":450.48,"endTime":453.78,"body":"because of my membership in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":450.48,"endTime":453.78,"body":"church and the tools that I've"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":453.78,"endTime":456.3,"body":"been given, which allow me to,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":453.78,"endTime":456.3,"body":"like, create a spiritual"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":456.3,"endTime":458.97,"body":"structure out myself and find"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":456.3,"endTime":458.97,"body":"truth."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":457.829,"endTime":459.899,"body":"I had a very similar"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":457.829,"endTime":459.899,"body":"upbringing. My parents were both"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":459.899,"endTime":462.569,"body":"converts, and they, like, my dad"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":459.899,"endTime":462.569,"body":"loves the Book of Mormon more"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":462.569,"endTime":464.519,"body":"than any person on the planet,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":462.569,"endTime":464.519,"body":"like he loves the Book of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":464.519,"endTime":468.239,"body":"Mormon, he's read it like more"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":464.519,"endTime":468.239,"body":"than 100 times. And when I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":468.239,"endTime":470.879,"body":"born, he says that like, within"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":468.239,"endTime":470.879,"body":"like the first hour, he helped"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":470.879,"endTime":473.669,"body":"me and taught me the plan of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":470.879,"endTime":473.669,"body":"salvation, I think is really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":473.669,"endTime":473.849,"body":"cute."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":473.969,"endTime":474.749,"body":"That is cute."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":474.689,"endTime":477.119,"body":"And, and there's this,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":474.689,"endTime":477.119,"body":"there's this park by my parents"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":477.119,"endTime":479.069,"body":"house is called Forest Park,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":477.119,"endTime":479.069,"body":"there's just a bunch of trees."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":479.369,"endTime":481.859,"body":"And we would drive through all"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":479.369,"endTime":481.859,"body":"the time just to get to other"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":481.859,"endTime":484.619,"body":"parts of town. And when I was a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":481.859,"endTime":484.619,"body":"kid, every time we drove through"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":484.619,"endTime":487.799,"body":"there, my dad would bear his"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":484.619,"endTime":487.799,"body":"testimony of like, God, Jesus,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":487.829,"endTime":490.469,"body":"Joseph Smith, the Book of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":487.829,"endTime":490.469,"body":"Mormon. And so my whole life"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":490.469,"endTime":495.119,"body":"like I was raised to just like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":490.469,"endTime":495.119,"body":"believe, and my parents were not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":495.119,"endTime":498.059,"body":"the kind of parents like force"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":495.119,"endTime":498.059,"body":"us to do things. Like I didn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":498.059,"endTime":500.549,"body":"have to get my Eagle Scout"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":498.059,"endTime":500.549,"body":"before I could drive. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":500.549,"endTime":502.229,"body":"don't even have a single merit"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":500.549,"endTime":502.229,"body":"badge. We didn't have to go to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":502.229,"endTime":504.959,"body":"seminary, like we just weren't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":502.229,"endTime":504.959,"body":"forced to do things. But I saw"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":504.959,"endTime":508.079,"body":"my parents praying every day, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":504.959,"endTime":508.079,"body":"saw my dad read the scriptures"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":508.079,"endTime":510.689,"body":"every day. And that just like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":508.079,"endTime":510.689,"body":"taught me all these things that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":510.689,"endTime":513.359,"body":"I wanted to, like all these"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":510.689,"endTime":513.359,"body":"habits that I want to follow."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":513.45,"endTime":516.21,"body":"You mentioned the Book"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":513.45,"endTime":516.21,"body":"of Mormon, I also really love"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":516.21,"endTime":520.5,"body":"the Book of Mormon. And in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":516.21,"endTime":520.5,"body":"times that I've like most wanted"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":520.5,"endTime":524.34,"body":"to leave or been like dealing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":520.5,"endTime":524.34,"body":"with the most doubt when I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":524.34,"endTime":527.46,"body":"turned to the Book of Mormon,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":524.34,"endTime":527.46,"body":"like somehow, it always gives me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":527.46,"endTime":531.24,"body":"answers, always. And somehow it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":527.46,"endTime":531.24,"body":"also has this way of like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":531.3,"endTime":536.55,"body":"helping me shed hatred and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":531.3,"endTime":536.55,"body":"anger. It really does. And so I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":536.55,"endTime":539.46,"body":"read the Book of Mormon every"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":536.55,"endTime":539.46,"body":"day, and I have ever since I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":539.46,"endTime":541.98,"body":"a child, I can't remember a time"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":539.46,"endTime":541.98,"body":"when I didn't read the Book of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":541.98,"endTime":545.07,"body":"Mormon every day. And I also"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":541.98,"endTime":545.07,"body":"pray, this is like, this is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":545.07,"endTime":548.49,"body":"gonna be like, so cliche, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":545.07,"endTime":548.49,"body":"Primary, Sunday school, but"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":548.49,"endTime":551.73,"body":"like, reading the Book of Mormon"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":548.49,"endTime":551.73,"body":"and praying has grounded me and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":551.73,"endTime":554.52,"body":"helped me look through a lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":551.73,"endTime":554.52,"body":"the difficulties that have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":554.55,"endTime":556.92,"body":"accompanied my church"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":554.55,"endTime":556.92,"body":"experience."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":557.66,"endTime":560.84,"body":"Yeah, yeah, I feel very"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":557.66,"endTime":560.84,"body":"similarly, like there was, I've"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":560.84,"endTime":563.24,"body":"told this story too many times."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":560.84,"endTime":563.24,"body":"But one of the times I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":563.24,"endTime":565.01,"body":"thinking about leaving the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":563.24,"endTime":565.01,"body":"church, I remember just telling"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":565.01,"endTime":567.62,"body":"my parents everything that my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":565.01,"endTime":567.62,"body":"mom told me that if I needed to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":567.62,"endTime":569.99,"body":"leave the church and marry a man"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":567.62,"endTime":569.99,"body":"that he and I would always be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":569.99,"endTime":572.24,"body":"part of the family and, and so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":569.99,"endTime":572.24,"body":"I've spent a lot of time it's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":572.24,"endTime":574.01,"body":"like trying to figure out what I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":572.24,"endTime":574.01,"body":"was supposed to do when I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":574.01,"endTime":577.61,"body":"remember opening up for some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":574.01,"endTime":577.61,"body":"reason into the New Testament"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":577.61,"endTime":580.61,"body":"and Matthew, where it talks"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":577.61,"endTime":580.61,"body":"about how when Jesus is in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":580.61,"endTime":582.86,"body":"garden of Gethsemane and he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":580.61,"endTime":582.86,"body":"prays, he says, Father, if"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":582.86,"endTime":585.2,"body":"though be willing, let this cup"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":582.86,"endTime":585.2,"body":"pass from me, nevertheless, not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":585.2,"endTime":589.13,"body":"my will, but Thine be done. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":585.2,"endTime":589.13,"body":"I was like, I want out of this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":589.13,"endTime":591.44,"body":"too. Like, I want out of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":589.13,"endTime":591.44,"body":"tough thing that I've been asked"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":591.44,"endTime":593.39,"body":"to do. Like, I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":591.44,"endTime":593.39,"body":"drink this cup, but like, what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":593.39,"endTime":595.7,"body":"does God actually want me to do?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":593.39,"endTime":595.7,"body":"And then there was like a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":595.7,"endTime":598.13,"body":"footnote to that verse that was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":595.7,"endTime":598.13,"body":"in the Book of Mormon. It was in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":598.13,"endTime":601.7,"body":"Second Nephi 10. And it says to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":598.13,"endTime":601.7,"body":"reconcile yourself to the will"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":601.7,"endTime":603.98,"body":"of God and not to the will of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":601.7,"endTime":603.98,"body":"the flesh. I was like, Well,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":603.98,"endTime":606.2,"body":"what is God? Like, what is God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":603.98,"endTime":606.2,"body":"offering me? Like, what is he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":606.23,"endTime":609.26,"body":"asking me to do? And as I, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":606.23,"endTime":609.26,"body":"remember reading that and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":609.26,"endTime":612.47,"body":"praying about that just like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":609.26,"endTime":612.47,"body":"really feeling compelled to move"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":612.47,"endTime":615.26,"body":"forward within the church. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":612.47,"endTime":615.26,"body":"like that was a part of his"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":615.26,"endTime":616.61,"body":"vineyard that he wanted me to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":615.26,"endTime":616.61,"body":"work in."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":616.2,"endTime":618.45,"body":"Yeah, I think for me,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":616.2,"endTime":618.45,"body":"the cup that I thought I would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":618.45,"endTime":621.33,"body":"have to drink the bitter cup, it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":618.45,"endTime":621.33,"body":"looks a lot different than the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":621.33,"endTime":625.38,"body":"one that I'm actually drinking."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":621.33,"endTime":625.38,"body":"Does that make sense?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":625.38,"endTime":626.91,"body":"Yeah. What do you think you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":625.38,"endTime":626.91,"body":"were supposed to drink?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":627.05,"endTime":630.89,"body":"Well, I always figured"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":627.05,"endTime":630.89,"body":"it'd be like, live along single"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":630.89,"endTime":638.15,"body":"life alone, and be sad forever."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":630.89,"endTime":638.15,"body":"Or, like, put off yourself. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":638.15,"endTime":642.14,"body":"it's interesting, because like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":638.15,"endTime":642.14,"body":"I'm very happy. Like, I'm doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":642.14,"endTime":644.87,"body":"great. The cup that I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":642.14,"endTime":644.87,"body":"drinking, like, the bitterness"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":644.87,"endTime":647.51,"body":"of the cup, a lot of times comes"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":644.87,"endTime":647.51,"body":"from like church policies in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":647.51,"endTime":650.3,"body":"church membership. And so like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":647.51,"endTime":650.3,"body":"the bitterness isn't like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":650.33,"endTime":654.29,"body":"accepting myself and being"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":650.33,"endTime":654.29,"body":"alone. It's like, as I like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":654.29,"endTime":658.46,"body":"follow revelation and move"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":654.29,"endTime":658.46,"body":"forward I'm misunderstood. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":658.46,"endTime":660.41,"body":"think that's my better cup,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":658.46,"endTime":660.41,"body":"about staying."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":660.9,"endTime":663.24,"body":"Yeah. You know, I had a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":660.9,"endTime":663.24,"body":"very similar view of like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":663.3,"endTime":666.36,"body":"I'm just gonna hunker down, I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":663.3,"endTime":666.36,"body":"gonna be lonely and sad for the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":666.36,"endTime":671.28,"body":"rest of my life. But if I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":666.36,"endTime":671.28,"body":"keep it together, then I'll make"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":671.28,"endTime":673.02,"body":"it to the Celestial Kingdom."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":671.28,"endTime":673.02,"body":"Like, that's how I thought life"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":673.02,"endTime":676.41,"body":"was gonna be. And it has not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":673.02,"endTime":676.41,"body":"been like that at all. Like that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":676.41,"endTime":678.36,"body":"summer I had in my parents house"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":676.41,"endTime":678.36,"body":"when I was 30. like trying to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":678.36,"endTime":680.64,"body":"figure out like, should I stay"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":678.36,"endTime":680.64,"body":"in the church or not? for so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":680.64,"endTime":683.49,"body":"long, I felt like trapped in a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":680.64,"endTime":683.49,"body":"doctrine and culture that didn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":683.49,"endTime":686.61,"body":"have a place for me, that I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":683.49,"endTime":686.61,"body":"didn't belong. So I just, I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":686.61,"endTime":690.72,"body":"felt trapped. And then when I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":686.61,"endTime":690.72,"body":"read that verse, and started to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":690.72,"endTime":693.33,"body":"actually like, pray and ponder,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":690.72,"endTime":693.33,"body":"just like really seek God's will"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":693.33,"endTime":697.47,"body":"for me, I none of the things I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":693.33,"endTime":697.47,"body":"did changed. Like, I always had"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":697.47,"endTime":699.63,"body":"a temple recommend. I'd always"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":697.47,"endTime":699.63,"body":"going to church, and I always"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":699.63,"endTime":702.51,"body":"prayed. I'd always read my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":699.63,"endTime":702.51,"body":"scriptures. And then suddenly,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":702.54,"endTime":704.85,"body":"those weren't a chore anymore."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":702.54,"endTime":704.85,"body":"They weren't just like something"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":704.85,"endTime":708.36,"body":"to check off, but is something"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":704.85,"endTime":708.36,"body":"that I wanted to do. And I did"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":708.39,"endTime":711.63,"body":"all the same things. But the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":708.39,"endTime":711.63,"body":"reason I did them changed, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":711.63,"endTime":714.27,"body":"that made all the difference for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":711.63,"endTime":714.27,"body":"me. And I went from being like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":714.3,"endTime":718.02,"body":"feeling trapped to just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":714.3,"endTime":718.02,"body":"thriving, doing the things I'd"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":718.02,"endTime":720.03,"body":"done before, because my reason"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":718.02,"endTime":720.03,"body":"for doing them had changed."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":719.999,"endTime":722.819,"body":"I hope people can have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":719.999,"endTime":722.819,"body":"these experiences. Because like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":723.389,"endTime":725.849,"body":"right now I'm thinking like, how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":723.389,"endTime":725.849,"body":"can we tell people and get them"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":725.849,"endTime":729.689,"body":"to actually, like, believe that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":725.849,"endTime":729.689,"body":"you don't have to be trapped."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":730.829,"endTime":734.429,"body":"And I don't know how but but I,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":730.829,"endTime":734.429,"body":"again, maybe we're just too much"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":734.429,"endTime":738.419,"body":"the same Ben. But in in a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":734.429,"endTime":738.419,"body":"similar way like, it's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":738.419,"endTime":741.209,"body":"interesting to look back. And,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":738.419,"endTime":741.209,"body":"and honestly, this is still a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":741.209,"endTime":744.989,"body":"journey, right? It's not like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":741.209,"endTime":744.989,"body":"I've arrived in the church. I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":744.989,"endTime":748.889,"body":"like, we we fight for this every"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":744.989,"endTime":748.889,"body":"single day. But in so much of my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":748.889,"endTime":752.219,"body":"like, gay experience, the church"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":748.889,"endTime":752.219,"body":"is the thing that was ruining"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":752.219,"endTime":756.659,"body":"me, and hurting me and causing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":752.219,"endTime":756.659,"body":"me turmoil and angst and pain"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":756.659,"endTime":761.789,"body":"and anguish. But it was also the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":756.659,"endTime":761.789,"body":"thing that saved me, because of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":761.969,"endTime":766.139,"body":"how I knew how to look for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":761.969,"endTime":766.139,"body":"answers. And actually, like, go"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":766.139,"endTime":769.529,"body":"to the mountain and pray to God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":766.139,"endTime":769.529,"body":"and ask real questions and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":769.529,"endTime":773.219,"body":"search the scriptures without"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":769.529,"endTime":773.219,"body":"the parameters of like, current"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":773.219,"endTime":776.819,"body":"society, or what I thought was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":773.219,"endTime":776.819,"body":"doctrine, you know, and just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":776.819,"endTime":781.859,"body":"like really, say, like, God, who"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":776.819,"endTime":781.859,"body":"am I, and I'm looking for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":781.859,"endTime":784.889,"body":"answers now. And then also the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":781.859,"endTime":784.889,"body":"people around me like I've been"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":784.889,"endTime":790.199,"body":"surrounded by incredible loving,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":784.889,"endTime":790.199,"body":"like service oriented family and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":790.199,"endTime":794.159,"body":"friends, who have given me what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":790.199,"endTime":794.159,"body":"I need. And that came in large"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":794.159,"endTime":797.729,"body":"part through my association with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":794.159,"endTime":797.729,"body":"the church. And so while it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":797.729,"endTime":801.539,"body":"caused so much hurt, it also"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":797.729,"endTime":801.539,"body":"gave me the tools I needed to,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":801.539,"endTime":806.459,"body":"like, come out, like, above the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":801.539,"endTime":806.459,"body":"clouds, and get to that point,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":806.459,"endTime":808.709,"body":"you were saying, beware, it's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":806.459,"endTime":808.709,"body":"not a chore. It's like, I want"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":808.709,"endTime":811.049,"body":"to read the Book of Mormon"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":808.709,"endTime":811.049,"body":"because I need guidance, because"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":811.049,"endTime":812.069,"body":"I'm in a weird spot."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":812.759,"endTime":814.679,"body":"Yeah, you know, Charlie,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":812.759,"endTime":814.679,"body":"you said something I want to see"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":814.739,"endTime":816.539,"body":"like you say a little more about"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":814.739,"endTime":816.539,"body":"this. You know, you said we'd"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":816.539,"endTime":819.899,"body":"like to fight for this every"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":816.539,"endTime":819.899,"body":"day. And honestly, I feel like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":819.959,"endTime":823.079,"body":"most days I just feel like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":819.959,"endTime":823.079,"body":"really happy with like my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":823.079,"endTime":827.579,"body":"station in life and where I am"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":823.079,"endTime":827.579,"body":"and like, my role in the church,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":827.579,"endTime":830.339,"body":"I'm mostly I'm pretty okay with"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":827.579,"endTime":830.339,"body":"I don't feel like I'm fighting"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":830.339,"endTime":831.689,"body":"every day. What do you feel?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":832.2,"endTime":834.57,"body":"Well, I agree with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":832.2,"endTime":834.57,"body":"that. I also think that every"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":834.57,"endTime":840.0,"body":"day, there are like, reminders"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":834.57,"endTime":840.0,"body":"there. There is like, parts of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":840.0,"endTime":843.39,"body":"me that other people don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":840.0,"endTime":843.39,"body":"accept within the church. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":843.39,"endTime":847.65,"body":"like, there are like policies"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":843.39,"endTime":847.65,"body":"that affect me and like, people"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":847.65,"endTime":849.81,"body":"are like, Oh, one day you'll be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":847.65,"endTime":849.81,"body":"a bishop. And I'm like, No, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":849.81,"endTime":853.11,"body":"won't. Like I will never be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":849.81,"endTime":853.11,"body":"called as a bishop because I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":853.11,"endTime":856.14,"body":"gay. And like, there's little"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":853.11,"endTime":856.14,"body":"things like reminders like that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":856.17,"endTime":859.26,"body":"all the time. And that's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":856.17,"endTime":859.26,"body":"difficult. That is like me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":859.26,"endTime":862.95,"body":"making a conscious choice to be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":859.26,"endTime":862.95,"body":"in an organization, where"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":862.95,"endTime":867.15,"body":"because of the way I was born, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":862.95,"endTime":867.15,"body":"will never have opportunities."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":867.48,"endTime":872.07,"body":"And that's hard. That's really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":867.48,"endTime":872.07,"body":"hard. So in that way, it is a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":872.07,"endTime":872.46,"body":"fight."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":872.73,"endTime":875.46,"body":"Yeah, I see that. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":872.73,"endTime":875.46,"body":"echo some of those same"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":875.46,"endTime":878.37,"body":"feelings. It just, I don't feel"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":875.46,"endTime":878.37,"body":"like it's like, constantly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":878.37,"endTime":879.51,"body":"present in front of me."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":879.54,"endTime":881.46,"body":"Yeah. It's weird,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":879.54,"endTime":881.46,"body":"because I feel like have the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":881.46,"endTime":884.67,"body":"means like, actively. It's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":881.46,"endTime":884.67,"body":"like I'm choosing to stay in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":884.67,"endTime":887.82,"body":"church, but I'm just like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":884.67,"endTime":887.82,"body":"exercising my spirituality, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":887.82,"endTime":889.77,"body":"I'm here. Does that make sense?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":889.859,"endTime":890.909,"body":"Yeah, definitely."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":891.119,"endTime":894.449,"body":"Yeah. I'm just like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":891.119,"endTime":894.449,"body":"choosing God. And I like want to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":894.449,"endTime":898.619,"body":"serve and build God's kingdom."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":894.449,"endTime":898.619,"body":"And one of the things I love"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":898.619,"endTime":901.109,"body":"about like even the church's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":898.619,"endTime":901.109,"body":"name The Church of Jesus Christ"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":901.139,"endTime":904.079,"body":"of Latter-day Saints is that it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":901.139,"endTime":904.079,"body":"is of Latter-day Saints, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":904.079,"endTime":906.959,"body":"it's Christ Church of saints,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":904.079,"endTime":906.959,"body":"and I want to be a saint and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":906.959,"endTime":912.329,"body":"want to like, serve and and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":906.959,"endTime":912.329,"body":"dedicate my time and talents to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":912.389,"endTime":915.179,"body":"making this world a better place"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":912.389,"endTime":915.179,"body":"and helping people develop their"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":915.179,"endTime":918.389,"body":"faith in Christ. And it just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":915.179,"endTime":918.389,"body":"feels right."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":918.96,"endTime":921.3,"body":"Yeah. You know what, when"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":918.96,"endTime":921.3,"body":"you're saying that something"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":921.3,"endTime":924.3,"body":"I've thought often is, you know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":921.3,"endTime":924.3,"body":"we've talked about like, the,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":924.36,"endTime":926.43,"body":"like, \"the church\", quote,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":924.36,"endTime":926.43,"body":"unquote, like, does these"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":926.43,"endTime":929.13,"body":"things, and the church is us,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":926.43,"endTime":929.13,"body":"like you and me. We're the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":929.13,"endTime":931.11,"body":"church, like the people I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":929.13,"endTime":931.11,"body":"interact with every day, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":931.14,"endTime":933.24,"body":"like, they're the church, and I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":931.14,"endTime":933.24,"body":"feel like the boots on the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":933.24,"endTime":935.61,"body":"ground, like the people I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":933.24,"endTime":935.61,"body":"interact with, like really care"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":935.61,"endTime":937.47,"body":"about me and want me and yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":936.57,"endTime":939.319,"body":"Yeah, when I think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":936.57,"endTime":939.319,"body":"about, like, the future of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":939.376,"endTime":942.687,"body":"church, I'm looking at the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":939.376,"endTime":942.687,"body":"rising generation right now. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":942.743,"endTime":946.278,"body":"I'm so proud of us, like, in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":942.743,"endTime":946.278,"body":"people, like, I guess what the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":946.335,"endTime":949.421,"body":"Gen Z is that it? I guess"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":946.335,"endTime":949.421,"body":"technically I'm a millennial."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":949.477,"endTime":952.901,"body":"And then there's Gen Z behind"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":949.477,"endTime":952.901,"body":"us, and like, there's some cool"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":952.957,"endTime":956.38,"body":"kids. And they are like rooting"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":952.957,"endTime":956.38,"body":"out racism. And they are like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":956.436,"endTime":959.972,"body":"stopping misogyny, and they are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":956.436,"endTime":959.972,"body":"fighting for equality. And they"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":960.028,"endTime":962.834,"body":"are loving their gay and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":960.028,"endTime":962.834,"body":"transgender neighbors and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":962.89,"endTime":966.258,"body":"friends. And like, the culture"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":962.89,"endTime":966.258,"body":"I'm seeing developed in this,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":966.314,"endTime":969.961,"body":"this younger generation is a lot"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":966.314,"endTime":969.961,"body":"different from the one in, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":970.018,"endTime":973.273,"body":"past generations that I find"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":970.018,"endTime":973.273,"body":"very problematic and hurtful."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":973.329,"endTime":976.64,"body":"And so that's another reason"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":973.329,"endTime":976.64,"body":"that it's, it's like, it's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":976.696,"endTime":980.007,"body":"like I'm looking through this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":976.696,"endTime":980.007,"body":"dark tunnel. It's like I like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":980.063,"endTime":983.88,"body":"see the light, like I see hope."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":980.063,"endTime":983.88,"body":"And I see brightness and good people"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":983.88,"endTime":1032.12,"body":"You see, you see, like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":983.88,"endTime":1032.12,"body":"growth and progression."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":986.28,"endTime":989.1,"body":"Yeah. So to like, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":986.28,"endTime":989.1,"body":"like, I don't want to step away"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":989.1,"endTime":989.67,"body":"from that."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":990.09,"endTime":991.05,"body":"Yeah, definitely."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":991.38,"endTime":993.66,"body":"I was also thinking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":991.38,"endTime":993.66,"body":"about like, so like, there's a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":993.66,"endTime":998.64,"body":"ton of doctrinal reasons why I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":993.66,"endTime":998.64,"body":"believe. And actually, before I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":998.64,"endTime":1001.46,"body":"go to my next point, I just want"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":998.64,"endTime":1001.46,"body":"to share one. I was thinking"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1001.46,"endTime":1004.13,"body":"about, like, the power of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1001.46,"endTime":1004.13,"body":"priesthood, which is one of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1004.13,"endTime":1006.44,"body":"things that sets our religion"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1004.13,"endTime":1006.44,"body":"apart from others is the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1006.44,"endTime":1009.71,"body":"restoration of the priesthood."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1006.44,"endTime":1009.71,"body":"And I remembered a time when I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1009.71,"endTime":1013.97,"body":"was serving as a missionary. We"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1009.71,"endTime":1013.97,"body":"were visiting this family and I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1013.97,"endTime":1018.32,"body":"think the the mom used to be a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1013.97,"endTime":1018.32,"body":"member of the church, but hadn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1018.32,"endTime":1021.14,"body":"gone for years. And she was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1018.32,"endTime":1021.14,"body":"married and had some kids. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1021.14,"endTime":1024.17,"body":"don't even really know how we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1021.14,"endTime":1024.17,"body":"ended up there. Probably the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1024.17,"endTime":1029.3,"body":"area book. And we knocked on the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1024.17,"endTime":1029.3,"body":"door. And someone was like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1029.3,"endTime":1032.6,"body":"screaming inside. And it just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1029.3,"endTime":1032.6,"body":"sounded very chaotic. And I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1032.6,"endTime":1035.87,"body":"like, I don't know what's gonna"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1032.6,"endTime":1035.87,"body":"happen. So she opens the door."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1036.08,"endTime":1039.59,"body":"And she was like, \"Missionaries,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1036.08,"endTime":1039.59,"body":"can you help us?\" And I was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1039.59,"endTime":1044.69,"body":"like, \"Yeah, sure.\" And so her"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1039.59,"endTime":1044.69,"body":"son, who's probably three or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1044.69,"endTime":1047.3,"body":"four years old, had smashed his"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1044.69,"endTime":1047.3,"body":"finger. And it was bleeding"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1047.3,"endTime":1050.3,"body":"profusely, and like, the nail"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1047.3,"endTime":1050.3,"body":"was already black. And he was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1050.3,"endTime":1053.51,"body":"just, he was screaming, and it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1050.3,"endTime":1053.51,"body":"was so sad. Like, I hate when"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1053.51,"endTime":1057.29,"body":"kids get hurt. It's awful. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1053.51,"endTime":1057.29,"body":"he was just like, really in a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1057.29,"endTime":1060.95,"body":"lot of pain. And the, she had a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1057.29,"endTime":1060.95,"body":"lot of kids and like, they were"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1060.95,"endTime":1063.5,"body":"freaking out. And she was like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1060.95,"endTime":1063.5,"body":"I need to go to the hospital,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1063.5,"endTime":1067.91,"body":"but I don't have a car. And we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1063.5,"endTime":1067.91,"body":"were like on our bikes, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1067.91,"endTime":1070.07,"body":"know, it's just like, \"Can I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1067.91,"endTime":1070.07,"body":"take your car?\" Like, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1070.07,"endTime":1072.86,"body":"sorry, like you couldn't anyway,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1070.07,"endTime":1072.86,"body":"but also like, this is a bike."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1073.16,"endTime":1075.77,"body":"Anyway, it was just like a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1073.16,"endTime":1075.77,"body":"really high stakes situation."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1076.07,"endTime":1079.04,"body":"And I was like, Can we give your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1076.07,"endTime":1079.04,"body":"son a blessing in this meantime,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1079.04,"endTime":1081.29,"body":"while you're trying to figure"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1079.04,"endTime":1081.29,"body":"things out, and she she agreed."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1081.59,"endTime":1085.58,"body":"So my companion anointed his"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1081.59,"endTime":1085.58,"body":"head with oil, and he was he was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1085.58,"endTime":1088.28,"body":"still like, screaming and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1085.58,"endTime":1088.28,"body":"crying, and like writhing in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1088.28,"endTime":1092.24,"body":"pain. And then we switched, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1088.28,"endTime":1092.24,"body":"put my hands on him, and then my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1092.24,"endTime":1095.33,"body":"companion followed suit on his"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1092.24,"endTime":1095.33,"body":"head. And I started giving a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1095.33,"endTime":1100.28,"body":"blessing. And immediately just a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1095.33,"endTime":1100.28,"body":"calm, rush through the entire"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1100.28,"endTime":1106.1,"body":"house. And as soon as I started"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1100.28,"endTime":1106.1,"body":"speaking, this kid went quiet,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1106.1,"endTime":1109.13,"body":"and he stopped crying. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1106.1,"endTime":1109.13,"body":"gave a blessing. And I just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1109.13,"endTime":1113.93,"body":"like, felt like God, pouring"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1109.13,"endTime":1113.93,"body":"through my veins, like like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1113.96,"endTime":1119.06,"body":"golden, godlike power, just like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1113.96,"endTime":1119.06,"body":"coming through me into this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1119.06,"endTime":1125.63,"body":"child. And it was it was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1119.06,"endTime":1125.63,"body":"dramatic, the change in the tone"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1125.63,"endTime":1129.41,"body":"and the atmosphere. And when I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1125.63,"endTime":1129.41,"body":"finished the blessing, the boy"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1129.41,"endTime":1134.75,"body":"smiled and said, and like asked"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1129.41,"endTime":1134.75,"body":"for a toy car. And his mom gave"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1134.75,"endTime":1136.85,"body":"him the toy car. And he started"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1134.75,"endTime":1136.85,"body":"playing with the toy car on the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1136.85,"endTime":1144.05,"body":"ground. And he was like, he was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1136.85,"endTime":1144.05,"body":"healed. And I was like, whoa"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1144.8,"endTime":1148.43,"body":"looking at my hands, like, did I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1144.8,"endTime":1148.43,"body":"just do? Like, no, I didn't, God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1148.43,"endTime":1152.06,"body":"did. And there's just like, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1148.43,"endTime":1152.06,"body":"that's just one of many like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1152.09,"endTime":1156.77,"body":"unmistakable testimony building"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1152.09,"endTime":1156.77,"body":"like, God is here. And God is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1156.77,"endTime":1160.13,"body":"with me experiences. And I want"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1156.77,"endTime":1160.13,"body":"to put myself in a position"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1160.31,"endTime":1163.88,"body":"where I can have those"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1160.31,"endTime":1163.88,"body":"experiences and be a blessing to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1163.88,"endTime":1168.05,"body":"others, because I've never felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1163.88,"endTime":1168.05,"body":"more like satisfied with my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1168.05,"endTime":1168.14,"body":"life."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1168.14,"endTime":1169.7,"body":"Charlie I think that's a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1168.14,"endTime":1169.7,"body":"beautiful experience is just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1169.7,"endTime":1172.67,"body":"like seeing like, like the power"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1169.7,"endTime":1172.67,"body":"of the priesthood is real. Like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1172.67,"endTime":1176.09,"body":"this is something that is real"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1172.67,"endTime":1176.09,"body":"that you've experienced. And you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1176.09,"endTime":1178.97,"body":"know, I told the story"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1176.09,"endTime":1178.97,"body":"peripherally on a previous"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1178.97,"endTime":1182.0,"body":"episode about with my friend"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1178.97,"endTime":1182.0,"body":"Heidi, who was like, we were"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1182.0,"endTime":1184.25,"body":"good acquaintances and friends,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1182.0,"endTime":1184.25,"body":"but we had never even been to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1184.25,"endTime":1186.11,"body":"her house and she offered let me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1184.25,"endTime":1186.11,"body":"stay at her house during the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1186.11,"endTime":1189.38,"body":"pandemic. And I just felt like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1186.11,"endTime":1189.38,"body":"this really obvious strong"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1189.38,"endTime":1192.05,"body":"prompting to stay at her house,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1189.38,"endTime":1192.05,"body":"even though I've never even been"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1192.05,"endTime":1196.01,"body":"there. And so one of my first"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1192.05,"endTime":1196.01,"body":"nights staying at her house, she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1196.01,"endTime":1198.14,"body":"texted me like midnight and she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1196.01,"endTime":1198.14,"body":"was having a really tough night."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1198.41,"endTime":1202.13,"body":"And so I texted her back. And I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1198.41,"endTime":1202.13,"body":"offered to like five things in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1202.13,"endTime":1205.61,"body":"the text. I was like, we could"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1202.13,"endTime":1205.61,"body":"watch a TV show, or we could do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1205.61,"endTime":1207.5,"body":"this. And like in the middle, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1205.61,"endTime":1207.5,"body":"said, I could give you a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1207.5,"endTime":1209.69,"body":"blessing, because I don't want"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1207.5,"endTime":1209.69,"body":"to be, like, so presumptuous as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1209.69,"endTime":1212.0,"body":"to say, like, I can give you a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1209.69,"endTime":1212.0,"body":"blessing, right? And she's like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1212.0,"endTime":1214.64,"body":"Yes, I would love a blessing. So"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1212.0,"endTime":1214.64,"body":"I got dressed up. And then she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1214.64,"endTime":1216.95,"body":"came out the living room. And,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1214.64,"endTime":1216.95,"body":"and as I was giving her a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1216.95,"endTime":1220.07,"body":"blessing, I just felt so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1216.95,"endTime":1220.07,"body":"strongly to tell her that that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1220.07,"endTime":1222.8,"body":"God had sent me to be her be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1220.07,"endTime":1222.8,"body":"there with her that night,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1222.8,"endTime":1226.13,"body":"because he didn't want to be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1222.8,"endTime":1226.13,"body":"alone. And I was like, too"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1226.13,"endTime":1229.55,"body":"embarrassed to say it. But then,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1226.13,"endTime":1229.55,"body":"as soon as I was done giving the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1229.55,"endTime":1232.31,"body":"blessing, I'd like before she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1229.55,"endTime":1232.31,"body":"stood up, I was like, Heidi, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1232.31,"endTime":1235.25,"body":"just, I felt prompted to, like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1232.31,"endTime":1235.25,"body":"God sent me here, so that you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1235.25,"endTime":1238.37,"body":"wouldn't have to be alone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1235.25,"endTime":1238.37,"body":"tonight. And we just like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1238.37,"endTime":1240.8,"body":"hugged and you know, ever since"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1238.37,"endTime":1240.8,"body":"then we've been incredibly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1240.8,"endTime":1245.12,"body":"close. And because God needed us"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1240.8,"endTime":1245.12,"body":"to be together. And you know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1245.12,"endTime":1248.45,"body":"Heidi has blessed my life in so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1245.12,"endTime":1248.45,"body":"many, so many ways since then."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1248.81,"endTime":1252.89,"body":"And it's a really powerful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1248.81,"endTime":1252.89,"body":"thing. Powerful, not even the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1252.89,"endTime":1257.09,"body":"right word. Like, it's kind of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1252.89,"endTime":1257.09,"body":"the point of life to learn how"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1257.09,"endTime":1260.27,"body":"to be led. And that's something"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1257.09,"endTime":1260.27,"body":"I'm just like, constantly trying"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1260.27,"endTime":1263.69,"body":"to figure out, I think about"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1260.27,"endTime":1263.69,"body":"when, like, in my younger years,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1263.72,"endTime":1267.11,"body":"I was like, learning to hear God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1263.72,"endTime":1267.11,"body":"and like learning how God speaks"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1267.11,"endTime":1270.74,"body":"to me. And as I like, learn that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1267.11,"endTime":1270.74,"body":"more and more, I just like get"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1270.74,"endTime":1273.35,"body":"led into really wonderful,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1270.74,"endTime":1273.35,"body":"beautiful ways."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1275.18,"endTime":1277.07,"body":"So there's a cultural"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1275.18,"endTime":1277.07,"body":"aspect of the church that I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1277.07,"endTime":1279.02,"body":"really find distasteful."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1279.08,"endTime":1279.68,"body":"Tell me more."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1279.77,"endTime":1281.75,"body":"Well, no, that's not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1279.77,"endTime":1281.75,"body":"what I want to talk about. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1281.75,"endTime":1285.17,"body":"want to talk about the cultural"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1281.75,"endTime":1285.17,"body":"aspects that I love. And one of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1285.17,"endTime":1291.08,"body":"those is like the connectedness"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1285.17,"endTime":1291.08,"body":"of this world. And I move around"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1291.08,"endTime":1294.32,"body":"a lot. And I like to I like to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1291.08,"endTime":1294.32,"body":"be in different places. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1294.32,"endTime":1296.72,"body":"there's been a couple times when"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1294.32,"endTime":1296.72,"body":"I've moved to different cities,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1296.78,"endTime":1300.14,"body":"and kind of like, scrapped my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1296.78,"endTime":1300.14,"body":"life and started over. And like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1300.14,"endTime":1304.67,"body":"I had no friends, I had nothing."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1300.14,"endTime":1304.67,"body":"And the church offered a place"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1304.73,"endTime":1308.36,"body":"where I could like, meet"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1304.73,"endTime":1308.36,"body":"like-minded people, and like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1308.36,"endTime":1311.3,"body":"have just like a good support"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1308.36,"endTime":1311.3,"body":"system, right? Like, one time I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1311.3,"endTime":1314.69,"body":"was, I was stuck in in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1311.3,"endTime":1314.69,"body":"Washington, DC. And I hadn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1314.69,"endTime":1318.65,"body":"found a place to live yet. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1314.69,"endTime":1318.65,"body":"like, I didn't have enough money"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1318.68,"endTime":1322.37,"body":"to be in a hotel. And I went to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1318.68,"endTime":1322.37,"body":"church, and I was just like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1322.37,"endTime":1326.24,"body":"homeless. And then actually, the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1322.37,"endTime":1326.24,"body":"elders quorum president was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1326.24,"endTime":1328.85,"body":"like, Well, my roommates out of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1326.24,"endTime":1328.85,"body":"town and like, we have an extra"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1328.85,"endTime":1331.19,"body":"room, you can stay there for a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1328.85,"endTime":1331.19,"body":"few days. And I did, and it was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1331.19,"endTime":1334.19,"body":"awesome. And I like trusted that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1331.19,"endTime":1334.19,"body":"that was gonna be okay. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1334.19,"endTime":1336.5,"body":"like, little things like that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1334.19,"endTime":1336.5,"body":"have happened to me a lot."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1336.71,"endTime":1338.51,"body":"I had a very similar story."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1336.71,"endTime":1338.51,"body":"I was traveling with some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1338.51,"endTime":1341.27,"body":"friends in Portugal. And we went"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1338.51,"endTime":1341.27,"body":"to church on Sunday. And we were"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1341.27,"endTime":1343.55,"body":"obviously out of towners. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1341.27,"endTime":1343.55,"body":"there was a couple there. That"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1343.55,"endTime":1346.79,"body":"was from England. That was like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1343.55,"endTime":1346.79,"body":"spending a year in Portugal. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1346.79,"endTime":1348.95,"body":"we sat behind them. And they're"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1346.79,"endTime":1348.95,"body":"like, you guys aren't from here"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1348.98,"endTime":1351.44,"body":"are you are? Like no we're just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1348.98,"endTime":1351.44,"body":"visiting. And then we were like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1351.44,"endTime":1353.27,"body":"chatting for five minutes. Like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1351.44,"endTime":1353.27,"body":"do you want to come over for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1353.27,"endTime":1356.63,"body":"lunch? Yeah, we're like, of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1353.27,"endTime":1356.63,"body":"course. And so we chat for like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1356.63,"endTime":1358.46,"body":"five minutes, like, Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1356.63,"endTime":1358.46,"body":"What are your names?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1358.79,"endTime":1361.25,"body":"Yeah. Like, you can't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1358.79,"endTime":1361.25,"body":"buy that. You can't buy"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1361.25,"endTime":1364.37,"body":"friendship like that, or, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1361.25,"endTime":1364.37,"body":"shared common experience. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1364.37,"endTime":1368.27,"body":"just like someone of the same"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1364.37,"endTime":1368.27,"body":"culture, like, like, these are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1368.27,"endTime":1371.33,"body":"my people. You know, one time I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1368.27,"endTime":1371.33,"body":"was in Turkey, and I was really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1371.36,"endTime":1374.51,"body":"lonely, because it's like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1371.36,"endTime":1374.51,"body":"don't know, I love it there. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1374.51,"endTime":1376.58,"body":"like, I didn't speak the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1374.51,"endTime":1376.58,"body":"language. And I was there alone."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1376.85,"endTime":1379.52,"body":"And I went to church, and like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1376.85,"endTime":1379.52,"body":"I went to church, and it felt"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1379.52,"endTime":1381.98,"body":"like home. And I was like, This"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1379.52,"endTime":1381.98,"body":"is my home, like, this is where"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1381.98,"endTime":1386.72,"body":"I belong. And then even just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1381.98,"endTime":1386.72,"body":"like, the church facilities that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1386.72,"endTime":1389.99,"body":"are offered to me, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1386.72,"endTime":1389.99,"body":"sometimes when I'm sad, I'll"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1389.99,"endTime":1393.23,"body":"just like, go to church, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1389.99,"endTime":1393.23,"body":"I'll play on the piano or like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1393.65,"endTime":1396.62,"body":"I'll play basketball in the gym"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1393.65,"endTime":1396.62,"body":"with my buddies. And like, the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1396.62,"endTime":1399.89,"body":"church is a second home for me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1396.62,"endTime":1399.89,"body":"and always has been. And so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1399.89,"endTime":1403.4,"body":"like, I like that, and I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1399.89,"endTime":1403.4,"body":"want to leave my home, you know?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1404.809,"endTime":1407.389,"body":"Yeah. Can I tell one story"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1404.809,"endTime":1407.389,"body":"that might not relate?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1406.549,"endTime":1409.219,"body":"Tell it. People are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1406.549,"endTime":1409.219,"body":"dying to know."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1411.079,"endTime":1414.229,"body":"So I just had this goal"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1411.079,"endTime":1414.229,"body":"that I was like, never gonna"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1414.229,"endTime":1418.099,"body":"miss church, like never miss"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1414.229,"endTime":1418.099,"body":"church. So all through my 20s"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1417.46,"endTime":1418.75,"body":"Is this when you were"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1417.46,"endTime":1418.75,"body":"trying to be straight?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1418.189,"endTime":1419.089,"body":"and early 30s. I noticed--"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1418.91,"endTime":1422.42,"body":"No. I just like, like, when"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1418.91,"endTime":1422.42,"body":"I got home from my mission I met"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1422.42,"endTime":1422.75,"body":"so many people--"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1422.569,"endTime":1425.479,"body":"Strict obedience"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1422.569,"endTime":1425.479,"body":"doesn't work."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1426.109,"endTime":1428.779,"body":"Who like had like gone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1426.109,"endTime":1428.779,"body":"inactive, like, I am never gonna"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1428.779,"endTime":1430.789,"body":"miss church for any reason. So I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1428.779,"endTime":1430.789,"body":"was just like, always went to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1430.789,"endTime":1433.009,"body":"church. So whenever I traveled,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1430.789,"endTime":1433.009,"body":"I always went to church. And so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1433.009,"endTime":1436.009,"body":"my mom and I were in Peru. Just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1433.009,"endTime":1436.009,"body":"on vacation. I'm sorry, we've"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1436.009,"endTime":1441.799,"body":"been place dropping so much."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1436.009,"endTime":1441.799,"body":"Turkey, Peru, Portugal, Rome. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1441.979,"endTime":1443.539,"body":"actually had a great time at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1441.979,"endTime":1443.539,"body":"church at Paris."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1445.28,"endTime":1448.31,"body":"Me too. One of my best"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1445.28,"endTime":1448.31,"body":"sacrament meetings was in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1448.31,"endTime":1448.94,"body":"Barcelona."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1448.849,"endTime":1451.699,"body":"Oh yeah. I had a beautiful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1448.849,"endTime":1451.699,"body":"sacrament meeting in Barcelona"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1451.699,"endTime":1453.079,"body":"too. Anyway."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1452.24,"endTime":1453.62,"body":"Let's move to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1452.24,"endTime":1453.62,"body":"Barcelona."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1454.04,"endTime":1457.13,"body":"This is a Peru story. So my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1454.04,"endTime":1457.13,"body":"mom and I were trying to go to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1457.13,"endTime":1459.59,"body":"church and there was like, a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1457.13,"endTime":1459.59,"body":"ward the met at 8am. And so we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1459.59,"endTime":1462.86,"body":"like, we took a taxi there. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1459.59,"endTime":1462.86,"body":"we were we got there early, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1462.86,"endTime":1465.77,"body":"we just like, waited and waited"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1462.86,"endTime":1465.77,"body":"and no one showed up. And I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1465.77,"endTime":1468.62,"body":"like, oh shoot churches in here"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1465.77,"endTime":1468.62,"body":"today. And after like five"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1468.62,"endTime":1472.4,"body":"minutes, I was like, no one's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1468.62,"endTime":1472.4,"body":"coming. And so we just decided"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1472.4,"endTime":1475.25,"body":"to like give up and just go back"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1472.4,"endTime":1475.25,"body":"to the hotel. So we like hail"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1475.25,"endTime":1478.97,"body":"the taxi. And we're like, going"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1475.25,"endTime":1478.97,"body":"down the road and, and people"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1478.97,"endTime":1481.76,"body":"dress up on Sunday morning in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1478.97,"endTime":1481.76,"body":"Peru, like everyone dresses up."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1481.88,"endTime":1484.49,"body":"There's one woman who looked"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1481.88,"endTime":1484.49,"body":"like she was Mormon."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1484.54,"endTime":1485.65,"body":"You are LDS."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1485.65,"endTime":1488.68,"body":"So I said to the taxi"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1485.65,"endTime":1488.68,"body":"driver, I was like, stop. And he"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1488.68,"endTime":1491.56,"body":"stopped. And so we're like a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1488.68,"endTime":1491.56,"body":"block from this woman. And I get"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1491.56,"endTime":1493.93,"body":"out of the taxi to like, run at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1491.56,"endTime":1493.93,"body":"her. And I was like, Are you a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1493.93,"endTime":1498.64,"body":"member of the church? And she"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1493.93,"endTime":1498.64,"body":"said, Yes, and I am so late. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1499.18,"endTime":1502.45,"body":"I said, Well, we've got to taxi"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1499.18,"endTime":1502.45,"body":"cab come get in our taxi. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1502.45,"endTime":1503.92,"body":"the reason I recognized her I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1502.45,"endTime":1503.92,"body":"looked behind and she was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1503.92,"endTime":1505.66,"body":"holding one of those Teachings"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1503.92,"endTime":1505.66,"body":"of the Prophets book."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1505.69,"endTime":1506.23,"body":"Classic."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1506.26,"endTime":1508.15,"body":"Yeah. And so we're like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1506.26,"endTime":1508.15,"body":"driving to church. And she's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1508.15,"endTime":1510.67,"body":"like, I was so worried I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1508.15,"endTime":1510.67,"body":"gonna be late. I was so excited"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1510.67,"endTime":1513.31,"body":"to study this today in church, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1510.67,"endTime":1513.31,"body":"just, like, want to hold it. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1513.31,"endTime":1514.45,"body":"like, that's how you saw me."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1514.45,"endTime":1515.47,"body":"And she's so nice."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1515.47,"endTime":1517.24,"body":"It was so great. So we got"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1515.47,"endTime":1517.24,"body":"to church. And of course, it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1517.24,"endTime":1522.25,"body":"started late. So we made it on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1517.24,"endTime":1522.25,"body":"time. And, and, and so like, my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1522.25,"endTime":1524.8,"body":"mom and this woman are all like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1522.25,"endTime":1524.8,"body":"we're all singing the hymns, and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1524.8,"endTime":1528.28,"body":"it's beautiful. And my mom and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1524.8,"endTime":1528.28,"body":"her of course, my mom doesn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1528.28,"endTime":1531.34,"body":"speak Spanish. And so this woman"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1528.28,"endTime":1531.34,"body":"is like telling her in Spanish,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1531.34,"endTime":1534.52,"body":"like what a miracle it was that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1531.34,"endTime":1534.52,"body":"we found her. And my mom at the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1534.52,"endTime":1536.65,"body":"same time is saying, like, what"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1534.52,"endTime":1536.65,"body":"a miracle was that we that we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1536.65,"endTime":1538.84,"body":"found her so that we could make"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1536.65,"endTime":1538.84,"body":"it to church. And like, we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1538.84,"endTime":1540.79,"body":"needed to find each other. It's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1538.84,"endTime":1540.79,"body":"like this really like beautiful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1540.79,"endTime":1543.61,"body":"moment. My mom is like walking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1540.79,"endTime":1543.61,"body":"outside. It's like hugging and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1543.61,"endTime":1546.16,"body":"be like, did that happen? Like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1543.61,"endTime":1546.16,"body":"did God really make sure that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1546.16,"endTime":1548.41,"body":"all three of us who wanted to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1546.16,"endTime":1548.41,"body":"get a church could make it? And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1548.41,"endTime":1548.8,"body":"he did."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1549.349,"endTime":1551.479,"body":"I feel like I could"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1549.349,"endTime":1551.479,"body":"leave the church and have a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1551.479,"endTime":1554.689,"body":"really good life. Like, I feel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1551.479,"endTime":1554.689,"body":"like I would be fine. And then I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1554.689,"endTime":1559.009,"body":"wouldn't like spin out. Like I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1554.689,"endTime":1559.009,"body":"really do. But I don't want to,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1559.189,"endTime":1561.439,"body":"like even when you're saying"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1559.189,"endTime":1561.439,"body":"like singing the hymns, like I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1561.439,"endTime":1565.129,"body":"love singing the hymns. I love"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1561.439,"endTime":1565.129,"body":"the music. I love. I don't like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1565.129,"endTime":1568.489,"body":"the scratchy walls. Okay, let me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1565.129,"endTime":1568.489,"body":"say this to everyone who's ever"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1568.489,"endTime":1571.879,"body":"designing these burlap walls"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1568.489,"endTime":1571.879,"body":"that can go but the rest of it i"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1571.879,"endTime":1573.469,"body":"think is great. Maybe the green"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1571.879,"endTime":1573.469,"body":"carpet."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1575.24,"endTime":1578.27,"body":"Okay. Charlie has some"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1575.24,"endTime":1578.27,"body":"design issues with the church."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1576.92,"endTime":1579.95,"body":"I have some design"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1576.92,"endTime":1579.95,"body":"issues with the church,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1580.58,"endTime":1583.19,"body":"actually, you know, at General"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1580.58,"endTime":1583.19,"body":"Conference, when they announced"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1583.19,"endTime":1585.77,"body":"like the new church logo,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1583.19,"endTime":1585.77,"body":"they're like, it'll be the name"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1585.77,"endTime":1589.31,"body":"of the church, and then"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1585.77,"endTime":1589.31,"body":"surrounded by like, a square for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1589.31,"endTime":1591.74,"body":"the four corners of something."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1589.31,"endTime":1591.74,"body":"And I didn't realize there was"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1591.74,"endTime":1599.09,"body":"more. I was like that's it? They"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1591.74,"endTime":1599.09,"body":"but a box around it? I was so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1599.09,"endTime":1602.6,"body":"mad. I was like, so mad. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1599.09,"endTime":1602.6,"body":"then they put like Jesus on top"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1602.6,"endTime":1603.5,"body":"of it. Oh, it's pretty."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1602.629,"endTime":1604.699,"body":"Okay, then you're like less"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1602.629,"endTime":1604.699,"body":"mad. It's okay Jesus is here."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1605.24,"endTime":1607.58,"body":"Anyway, that's beside"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1605.24,"endTime":1607.58,"body":"the point. What was I saying?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1607.94,"endTime":1611.42,"body":"Oh, yeah, like, it's funny,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1607.94,"endTime":1611.42,"body":"because like, I hate, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1611.42,"endTime":1614.21,"body":"going to use the word hate"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1611.42,"endTime":1614.21,"body":"because really, I hate this idea"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1614.51,"endTime":1619.43,"body":"that it's, I stay in the church,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1614.51,"endTime":1619.43,"body":"and I like I'm sad and lonely"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1619.43,"endTime":1622.16,"body":"and depressed, or I leave the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1619.43,"endTime":1622.16,"body":"church and I like be full gay"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1622.16,"endTime":1624.86,"body":"and do whatever I want. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1622.16,"endTime":1624.86,"body":"can we please get over this?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1624.86,"endTime":1628.46,"body":"Because like, how do you drop"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1624.86,"endTime":1628.46,"body":"something that is part of you."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1628.79,"endTime":1632.87,"body":"Like, my character has been"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1628.79,"endTime":1632.87,"body":"shaped by my membership in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1632.87,"endTime":1636.35,"body":"church and like, I am a child of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1632.87,"endTime":1636.35,"body":"God that is part of my eternal"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1637.31,"endTime":1640.82,"body":"identity.before and after. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1637.31,"endTime":1640.82,"body":"now like that is just like, part"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1640.82,"endTime":1644.72,"body":"of my soul. And I am gay. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1640.82,"endTime":1644.72,"body":"that's part of my soul. And that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1644.72,"endTime":1647.15,"body":"experience has shaped my life"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1644.72,"endTime":1647.15,"body":"and the way I see the world and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1647.15,"endTime":1649.34,"body":"the things I like, and the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1647.15,"endTime":1649.34,"body":"things I do like so much of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1649.34,"endTime":1653.78,"body":"that, like both of them combined"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1649.34,"endTime":1653.78,"body":"to create me and, and I'm not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1653.78,"endTime":1656.66,"body":"going to drop one of them just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1653.78,"endTime":1656.66,"body":"because someone wants me to like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1657.05,"endTime":1657.08,"body":"ewwww."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1657.829,"endTime":1661.099,"body":"I wrote a blog post once"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1657.829,"endTime":1661.099,"body":"and a friend who I hadn't seen"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1661.099,"endTime":1663.979,"body":"in years, we'd been like friends"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1661.099,"endTime":1663.979,"body":"when when I was like newly back"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1663.979,"endTime":1666.529,"body":"to BYU after my mission. He was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1663.979,"endTime":1666.529,"body":"in my ward. And we were like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1666.529,"endTime":1669.229,"body":"Facebook friends, we hadn't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1666.529,"endTime":1669.229,"body":"talked in like eight years. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1669.229,"endTime":1671.959,"body":"he messaged me, he like asked if"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1669.229,"endTime":1671.959,"body":"he could call me. He's just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1671.959,"endTime":1674.749,"body":"super kind just like asking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1671.959,"endTime":1674.749,"body":"about my life. And he had, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1674.749,"endTime":1677.449,"body":"know, stopped attending church"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1674.749,"endTime":1677.449,"body":"didn't believe anymore, had even"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1677.449,"endTime":1680.359,"body":"removed his records. And he's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1677.449,"endTime":1680.359,"body":"like, he's like, Ben, just like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1680.389,"endTime":1683.659,"body":"live your life, like be gay and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1680.389,"endTime":1683.659,"body":"live your life. And and I said,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1683.689,"endTime":1685.759,"body":"Well, I mean, I liked being in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1683.689,"endTime":1685.759,"body":"the church, it makes me happy."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1685.759,"endTime":1689.149,"body":"And he said, then you are just a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1685.759,"endTime":1689.149,"body":"naturally happy person, you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1689.149,"endTime":1692.119,"body":"would be happy in any setting"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1689.149,"endTime":1692.119,"body":"you were in, you don't need the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1692.119,"endTime":1695.539,"body":"church to be happy. And I think"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1692.119,"endTime":1695.539,"body":"there is some..."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1695.569,"endTime":1696.289,"body":"I think that's true."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1696.289,"endTime":1698.959,"body":"I think that's true. Like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1696.289,"endTime":1698.959,"body":"like, I'm just a happy person."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1699.019,"endTime":1702.619,"body":"And I think that I would be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1699.019,"endTime":1702.619,"body":"happy in any situation, or at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1702.619,"endTime":1707.179,"body":"least, I mean, I would find the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1702.619,"endTime":1707.179,"body":"happiest. But still, like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1707.179,"endTime":1709.789,"body":"not in the church, because I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1707.179,"endTime":1709.789,"body":"feel like if I left, I would be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1709.789,"endTime":1713.089,"body":"sad. But because this is where I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1709.789,"endTime":1713.089,"body":"want to be."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1713.42,"endTime":1715.73,"body":"Well, I feel like at"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1713.42,"endTime":1715.73,"body":"the end of the day, there should"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1715.73,"endTime":1719.21,"body":"be intrinsic motivation for your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1715.73,"endTime":1719.21,"body":"reason to do anything. And like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1719.24,"endTime":1722.3,"body":"if your reasons for like staying"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1719.24,"endTime":1722.3,"body":"like if you're going to church,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1722.3,"endTime":1725.15,"body":"and you hate it, and you feel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1722.3,"endTime":1725.15,"body":"like everyone just wants you to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1725.15,"endTime":1728.09,"body":"stay like, like, maybe you need"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1725.15,"endTime":1728.09,"body":"to reassess where you're at, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1728.09,"endTime":1731.27,"body":"like figure out some things. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1728.09,"endTime":1731.27,"body":"like, if you're intrinsically"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1731.27,"endTime":1733.31,"body":"motivated, and there's like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1731.27,"endTime":1733.31,"body":"beautiful parts that you love,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1733.34,"endTime":1736.46,"body":"you can keep those no matter"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1733.34,"endTime":1736.46,"body":"what your life looks like. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1736.46,"endTime":1738.65,"body":"if you are single, and celibate"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1736.46,"endTime":1738.65,"body":"and staying in the church,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1738.65,"endTime":1741.83,"body":"that's great. And if you enter a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1738.65,"endTime":1741.83,"body":"relationship with someone, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1741.83,"endTime":1744.02,"body":"are staying in the church, like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1741.83,"endTime":1744.02,"body":"that's great. And if you get"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1744.02,"endTime":1747.98,"body":"married, and still like, stay as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1744.02,"endTime":1747.98,"body":"involved in church is they will"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1747.98,"endTime":1750.68,"body":"let you that's great. And that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1747.98,"endTime":1750.68,"body":"doesn't mean there's not like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1750.77,"endTime":1754.34,"body":"current problems with culture,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1750.77,"endTime":1754.34,"body":"or like structure like there"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1754.34,"endTime":1757.01,"body":"are. Like, that's kind of why we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1754.34,"endTime":1757.01,"body":"started this podcast because"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1757.01,"endTime":1759.77,"body":"there are like, serious issues"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1757.01,"endTime":1759.77,"body":"with being a gay member of the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1759.77,"endTime":1763.37,"body":"church and listen to Episode 37"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1759.77,"endTime":1763.37,"body":"is there's a place for me in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1763.37,"endTime":1766.34,"body":"church, if you're wondering more"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1763.37,"endTime":1766.34,"body":"about those, but like those"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1766.34,"endTime":1769.79,"body":"exist, but it's not like this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1766.34,"endTime":1769.79,"body":"dichotomous thing. You know,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1769.79,"endTime":1776.18,"body":"it's like so not black and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1769.79,"endTime":1776.18,"body":"white. It's ready to go. That"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1776.18,"endTime":1778.34,"body":"was a Ben joke. I'm spending way"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1776.18,"endTime":1778.34,"body":"too much time with you."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1779.66,"endTime":1780.68,"body":"It was a solid joke."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1781.16,"endTime":1784.43,"body":"Thanks. Well, and then"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1781.16,"endTime":1784.43,"body":"I hear this a lot, and I believe"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1784.43,"endTime":1786.98,"body":"it but also, I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1784.43,"endTime":1786.98,"body":"we'll see what I think about it,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1786.98,"endTime":1790.43,"body":"as I say, but like, I say that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1786.98,"endTime":1790.43,"body":"sometimes like if everyone who"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1790.43,"endTime":1794.03,"body":"feels different leaves the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1790.43,"endTime":1794.03,"body":"church, then nothing will ever"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1794.03,"endTime":1796.55,"body":"change. It'll just be a big echo"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1794.03,"endTime":1796.55,"body":"chamber of people who are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1796.55,"endTime":1800.24,"body":"exactly the same, and I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1796.55,"endTime":1800.24,"body":"think God ever intended that."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1800.39,"endTime":1803.6,"body":"That is not Zion. Like one heart"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1800.39,"endTime":1803.6,"body":"and one mind does not mean"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1803.6,"endTime":1807.32,"body":"everybody looks and thinks and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1803.6,"endTime":1807.32,"body":"acts the same. It means that we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1807.32,"endTime":1811.52,"body":"see each other and we show up"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1807.32,"endTime":1811.52,"body":"for each other and care for each"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1811.52,"endTime":1814.46,"body":"other, and listen to our"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1811.52,"endTime":1814.46,"body":"experiences, and that we make"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1814.49,"endTime":1817.82,"body":"changes and accommodations to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1814.49,"endTime":1817.82,"body":"where everyone is able to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1818.12,"endTime":1823.55,"body":"develop faith in Christ. And,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1818.12,"endTime":1823.55,"body":"and I'm gonna stay like, I would"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1823.55,"endTime":1826.76,"body":"stay for that reason alone. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1823.55,"endTime":1826.76,"body":"think like me personally, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1826.76,"endTime":1831.59,"body":"would. And just everything else"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1826.76,"endTime":1831.59,"body":"is just other great reasons that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1831.62,"endTime":1833.21,"body":"I like my association."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1833.329,"endTime":1835.909,"body":"Yeah, definitely. Charlie,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1833.329,"endTime":1835.909,"body":"what are some of your spiritual"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1835.909,"endTime":1838.969,"body":"practices that like, allow you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1835.909,"endTime":1838.969,"body":"to have communication with God,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1838.969,"endTime":1840.739,"body":"so you can know what he's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1838.969,"endTime":1840.739,"body":"guiding you to do?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1841.359,"endTime":1844.839,"body":"Yeah, I think I can, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1841.359,"endTime":1844.839,"body":"can pretty much boil it down to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1844.839,"endTime":1848.019,"body":"three, I read the scriptures"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1844.839,"endTime":1848.019,"body":"every day, like I read the Book"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1848.019,"endTime":1850.809,"body":"of Mormon every single day, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1848.019,"endTime":1850.809,"body":"I do not miss and I make it a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1850.809,"endTime":1854.289,"body":"priority. And I pray morning and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1850.809,"endTime":1854.289,"body":"night, every single day, in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1854.289,"endTime":1856.869,"body":"addition to just like a general"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1854.289,"endTime":1856.869,"body":"attitude of, I don't know, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1856.869,"endTime":1858.669,"body":"feel like weird, I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1856.869,"endTime":1858.669,"body":"just be like, this is how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1858.669,"endTime":1861.639,"body":"spiritual I am, like this is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1858.669,"endTime":1861.639,"body":"what I do, take it or leave it."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1861.909,"endTime":1864.219,"body":"I like to I like talk to God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1861.909,"endTime":1864.219,"body":"during the day, like, I'll be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1864.219,"endTime":1866.919,"body":"driving, I'll turn off the radio"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1864.219,"endTime":1866.919,"body":"or my aux cord and be just be"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1866.919,"endTime":1871.239,"body":"like, hey, God, like I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1866.919,"endTime":1871.239,"body":"driving. And I just like, try to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1871.239,"endTime":1873.999,"body":"keep an open communication. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1871.239,"endTime":1873.999,"body":"then I listened to uplifting"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1873.999,"endTime":1877.419,"body":"music. And I feel like, as I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1873.999,"endTime":1877.419,"body":"like the combination of those"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1877.419,"endTime":1880.419,"body":"three things, which are all"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1877.419,"endTime":1880.419,"body":"small, and don't take up much"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1880.419,"endTime":1883.929,"body":"time, like make me better and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1880.419,"endTime":1883.929,"body":"put me in a position to where"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1883.929,"endTime":1887.499,"body":"I'm able to receive revelation."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1883.929,"endTime":1887.499,"body":"And then like, yeah, like listen"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1887.499,"endTime":1890.349,"body":"to conference talks. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1887.499,"endTime":1890.349,"body":"sometimes I drive past the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1890.349,"endTime":1892.599,"body":"temple or just sit on the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1890.349,"endTime":1892.599,"body":"grounds and just like put myself"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1892.599,"endTime":1897.699,"body":"in like meditative spiritual"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1892.599,"endTime":1897.699,"body":"scenarios where I can receive"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1897.699,"endTime":1901.749,"body":"what God has for me. And I asked"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1897.699,"endTime":1901.749,"body":"for it. I say, God, what do you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1901.749,"endTime":1902.469,"body":"have for me?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1903.23,"endTime":1903.65,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1903.24,"endTime":1903.75,"body":"What about you?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1903.338,"endTime":1906.458,"body":"You know, very similar"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1903.338,"endTime":1906.458,"body":"things. I've tried to, you know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1906.458,"endTime":1909.698,"body":"my most insincere prayers are"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1906.458,"endTime":1909.698,"body":"y morning and evening prayers."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1910.478,"endTime":1911.648,"body":"ecause they are like the ones"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1910.478,"endTime":1911.648,"body":"I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1912.349,"endTime":1913.519,"body":"Like a checklist"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1912.349,"endTime":1913.519,"body":"prayer?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1913.52,"endTime":1915.89,"body":"And then like, a couple"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1913.52,"endTime":1915.89,"body":"days ago, I started praying, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1915.89,"endTime":1916.94,"body":"said, Hey, Siri."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1917.03,"endTime":1917.18,"body":"Oh no!"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1920.839,"endTime":1929.299,"body":"I know! Oh geez. I'm very"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1920.839,"endTime":1929.299,"body":"tired. I then one time I woke up"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1929.299,"endTime":1931.639,"body":"early in the morning. And I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1929.299,"endTime":1931.639,"body":"like, so like, I am not a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1931.639,"endTime":1934.219,"body":"morning person. I was like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1931.639,"endTime":1934.219,"body":"rolled over And I was like, Hey"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1934.219,"endTime":1940.459,"body":"there. Anyway, but my during the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1934.219,"endTime":1940.459,"body":"day prayers are usually much"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1940.459,"endTime":1942.859,"body":"better. And I try to be more"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1940.459,"endTime":1942.859,"body":"cognizant of just like being"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1942.859,"endTime":1945.289,"body":"thankful when I like see"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1942.859,"endTime":1945.289,"body":"blessings in my life. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1945.289,"endTime":1948.739,"body":"remember one day, I was living"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1945.289,"endTime":1948.739,"body":"in Tucson, and my dream job my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1948.739,"endTime":1950.839,"body":"whole life, while ever since I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1948.739,"endTime":1950.839,"body":"was like a teenager has been to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1950.899,"endTime":1953.749,"body":"be a Seminary Institute teacher,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1950.899,"endTime":1953.749,"body":"but I can't because I'm single,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1953.749,"endTime":1955.699,"body":"you have to be married to be a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1953.749,"endTime":1955.699,"body":"seminary teacher, like a full"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1954.889,"endTime":1956.929,"body":"I have problems with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1954.889,"endTime":1956.929,"body":"that everyone."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1955.699,"endTime":1957.799,"body":"time one and..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1957.709,"endTime":1960.619,"body":"Me too but that's not the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1957.709,"endTime":1960.619,"body":"point of the story. So so I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1960.619,"endTime":1963.079,"body":"hired to teach relief and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1960.619,"endTime":1963.079,"body":"seminary like as a student"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1963.079,"endTime":1967.129,"body":"teacher, one semester in Tucson."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1963.079,"endTime":1967.129,"body":"And so I like my first day"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1967.129,"endTime":1970.249,"body":"teaching in Tucson, I was like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1967.129,"endTime":1970.249,"body":"driving home. And I was like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1970.399,"endTime":1973.789,"body":"oh, my gosh, this thing that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1970.399,"endTime":1973.789,"body":"I've always wanted, I get to do"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1973.789,"endTime":1976.669,"body":"it for four months. And it's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1973.789,"endTime":1976.669,"body":"like, said a prayer of gratitude"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1976.669,"endTime":1979.609,"body":"is like, felt this like immense"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1976.669,"endTime":1979.609,"body":"wave of the spirit. Like, I know"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1979.609,"endTime":1980.959,"body":"you wanted this, and I made it"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1979.609,"endTime":1980.959,"body":"happen."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1982.579,"endTime":1984.799,"body":"Ben you're like the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1982.579,"endTime":1984.799,"body":"most optimistic person I've ever"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1984.799,"endTime":1987.709,"body":"met. I'd be like, I can't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1984.799,"endTime":1987.709,"body":"believe I finally got what I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1987.709,"endTime":1989.569,"body":"wanted. But I only get it for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1987.709,"endTime":1989.569,"body":"four months."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1990.41,"endTime":1992.21,"body":"Well I mean the glass is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1990.41,"endTime":1992.21,"body":"half full."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1992.21,"endTime":1994.01,"body":"I know. That's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1992.21,"endTime":1994.01,"body":"beautiful. Thanks for sharing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":1994.01,"endTime":1994.28,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1994.52,"endTime":1996.35,"body":"But another spiritual"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1994.52,"endTime":1996.35,"body":"practice I have this really"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1996.35,"endTime":1999.74,"body":"important to me is I write in my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1996.35,"endTime":1999.74,"body":"journal every night. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1999.77,"endTime":2002.44,"body":"sometimes it's just like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":1999.77,"endTime":2002.44,"body":"nothing much happened today. But"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2002.71,"endTime":2006.13,"body":"I think what's important for me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2002.71,"endTime":2006.13,"body":"about that, is I'm just like a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2006.13,"endTime":2009.25,"body":"really active person. Like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2006.13,"endTime":2009.25,"body":"doing things, I'm with people."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2009.43,"endTime":2013.75,"body":"And it's like, the one time I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2009.43,"endTime":2013.75,"body":"like slow down every day. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2013.78,"endTime":2015.67,"body":"oftentimes, I'll just be like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2013.78,"endTime":2015.67,"body":"writing and then I'll just like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2015.67,"endTime":2019.09,"body":"stop and like, lay on my bed and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2015.67,"endTime":2019.09,"body":"think it's like the time every"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2019.09,"endTime":2021.01,"body":"day where I just like, take time"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2019.09,"endTime":2021.01,"body":"to think like what"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2021.1,"endTime":2021.7,"body":"Retrospect."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2021.411,"endTime":2023.841,"body":"Like, like, what happened"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2021.411,"endTime":2023.841,"body":"today? What I want to have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2023.841,"endTime":2027.711,"body":"happen tomorrow, what is worth"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2023.841,"endTime":2027.711,"body":"making a record of. And that has"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2027.711,"endTime":2030.531,"body":"been super important for me,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2027.711,"endTime":2030.531,"body":"like I've received, I probably"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2030.531,"endTime":2033.231,"body":"received communication from God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2030.531,"endTime":2033.231,"body":"more often when I'm writing my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2033.231,"endTime":2034.191,"body":"journal than any other time."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2034.93,"endTime":2036.67,"body":"Well, and I think your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2034.93,"endTime":2036.67,"body":"journals been a blessing to a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2036.67,"endTime":2039.58,"body":"lot of people because you'd like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2036.67,"endTime":2039.58,"body":"directly quoted it in your book."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2039.58,"endTime":2041.38,"body":"And there's been times when"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2039.58,"endTime":2041.38,"body":"we've been talking and like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2041.38,"endTime":2043.45,"body":"trying to figure something out,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2041.38,"endTime":2043.45,"body":"or how to say something and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2043.45,"endTime":2046.93,"body":"you're like, I have a journal"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2043.45,"endTime":2046.93,"body":"entry from 2002. And I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2047.47,"endTime":2049.81,"body":"honestly, you killed it. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2047.47,"endTime":2049.81,"body":"that's exactly what we need to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2049.81,"endTime":2050.23,"body":"say."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2050.86,"endTime":2053.86,"body":"Actually, Kevin and Alison"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2050.86,"endTime":2053.86,"body":"were dating they I was living"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2053.86,"endTime":2056.8,"body":"with Kevin and Alison was one of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2053.86,"endTime":2056.8,"body":"my best friends. And so they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2056.8,"endTime":2059.32,"body":"would like wrote about their"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2056.8,"endTime":2059.32,"body":"relationship in my journal. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2059.32,"endTime":2061.12,"body":"they'd be they'd be like arguing"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2059.32,"endTime":2061.12,"body":"outside be like, when did this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2061.12,"endTime":2064.48,"body":"happen? Like, oh, let me see it."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2061.12,"endTime":2064.48,"body":"I would like to tell them. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2064.48,"endTime":2066.07,"body":"like recorded their"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2064.48,"endTime":2066.07,"body":"relationship."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2067.78,"endTime":2071.14,"body":"That's funny. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2067.78,"endTime":2071.14,"body":"Well, and then there's like, so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2071.14,"endTime":2073.99,"body":"much of my adult is like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2071.14,"endTime":2073.99,"body":"religious experience is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2074.02,"endTime":2076.99,"body":"unlearning all the things that I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2074.02,"endTime":2076.99,"body":"thought made up a religious"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2076.99,"endTime":2081.79,"body":"experience when I was a kid."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2076.99,"endTime":2081.79,"body":"Like it was so like, stagnant"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2081.79,"endTime":2085.27,"body":"and authoritarian the way I used"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2081.79,"endTime":2085.27,"body":"to see everything, and and like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2085.27,"endTime":2087.64,"body":"you said, like my morning and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2085.27,"endTime":2087.64,"body":"evening prayers, like I do every"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2087.64,"endTime":2091.48,"body":"day, but like my best prayers"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2087.64,"endTime":2091.48,"body":"are when I just like, find a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2091.48,"endTime":2096.49,"body":"quiet space and speak out loud"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2091.48,"endTime":2096.49,"body":"and just talk and I even like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2096.49,"endTime":2099.94,"body":"removing just like that I have"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2096.49,"endTime":2099.94,"body":"to say thees and thoughs and do"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2099.94,"endTime":2102.85,"body":"it certain way, like when I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2099.94,"endTime":2102.85,"body":"just like communicating with God"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2102.85,"endTime":2107.08,"body":"and like, just like connecting"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2102.85,"endTime":2107.08,"body":"in the way that I feel there,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2107.23,"endTime":2110.2,"body":"that's when like, really amazing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2107.23,"endTime":2110.2,"body":"things happen."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2110.26,"endTime":2114.04,"body":"Yeah. Can I place drop"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2110.26,"endTime":2114.04,"body":"again? Yeah, I was in Germany"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2114.04,"endTime":2118.27,"body":"one winter. And my friend I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2114.04,"endTime":2118.27,"body":"chatting with is like, like gone"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2118.27,"endTime":2119.77,"body":"off to some other city. We were"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2118.27,"endTime":2119.77,"body":"like, separated for a couple"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2119.77,"endTime":2122.29,"body":"days. And it was a Sunday and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2119.77,"endTime":2122.29,"body":"it's like, went on a walk. I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2122.29,"endTime":2125.47,"body":"just like listening to music on"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2122.29,"endTime":2125.47,"body":"my iPod. And I was like, all by"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2125.47,"endTime":2128.59,"body":"myself, like, not in a forest,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2125.47,"endTime":2128.59,"body":"but like, on this like foresty"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2128.59,"endTime":2131.35,"body":"rode. And like some small town"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2128.59,"endTime":2131.35,"body":"Germany. I just like started"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2131.35,"endTime":2135.76,"body":"singing. I was like, because no"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2131.35,"endTime":2135.76,"body":"one was around. And I was like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2135.79,"endTime":2138.04,"body":"I feel like praying, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2135.79,"endTime":2138.04,"body":"thanking God was like, beautiful"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2138.04,"endTime":2140.92,"body":"day. And it just, like, felt so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2138.04,"endTime":2140.92,"body":"good. Just and I was like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2140.92,"endTime":2144.04,"body":"prayed out loud, like walking"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2140.92,"endTime":2144.04,"body":"down a snowy road in Germany."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2144.19,"endTime":2145.45,"body":"Yeah, it was really beautiful."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2145.75,"endTime":2147.58,"body":"And like, how do you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2145.75,"endTime":2147.58,"body":"leave that? How do you leave"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2147.58,"endTime":2150.7,"body":"yourself? You know? And so it's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2147.58,"endTime":2150.7,"body":"not like, why do you stay in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2150.7,"endTime":2155.77,"body":"church? It's like, I am me. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2150.7,"endTime":2155.77,"body":"this is who I am, you know? And,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2156.46,"endTime":2157.99,"body":"yeah, that's nice. That's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2156.46,"endTime":2157.99,"body":"pretty."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2157.749,"endTime":2159.789,"body":"Yeah. And I think this goes"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2157.749,"endTime":2159.789,"body":"back to I said, the beginning,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2159.789,"endTime":2162.609,"body":"you know, it's not about like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2159.789,"endTime":2162.609,"body":"there's like this corral that I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2162.609,"endTime":2165.519,"body":"have to make sure I'm within."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2162.609,"endTime":2165.519,"body":"It's like, Where am I being"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2165.519,"endTime":2170.859,"body":"guided to go? And I just can't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2165.519,"endTime":2170.859,"body":"imagine a life where I'm not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2170.859,"endTime":2173.289,"body":"living the teachings of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2170.859,"endTime":2173.289,"body":"Church of Jesus Christ of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2173.289,"endTime":2175.539,"body":"Latter-day Saints and actively"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2173.289,"endTime":2175.539,"body":"engaged in it. Because like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2175.539,"endTime":2180.309,"body":"that's where I constantly feel"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2175.539,"endTime":2180.309,"body":"called to go. Yeah. So when I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2180.309,"endTime":2182.709,"body":"was doing my Master's in social"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2180.309,"endTime":2182.709,"body":"work at BYU, I was a temple"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2182.709,"endTime":2185.469,"body":"worker at the Provo temple. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2182.709,"endTime":2185.469,"body":"I did not have time to be a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2185.469,"endTime":2189.099,"body":"temple worker. Actually, I my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2185.469,"endTime":2189.099,"body":"dad is very pragmatic. And they"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2189.099,"endTime":2191.049,"body":"just changed the rule that"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2189.099,"endTime":2191.049,"body":"single men over 30 could be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2191.049,"endTime":2193.419,"body":"temple workers. Right before I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2191.049,"endTime":2193.419,"body":"moved to Provo. I was like, Dad,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2193.419,"endTime":2195.279,"body":"should I be a temple worker? I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2193.419,"endTime":2195.279,"body":"thought he was gonna say No. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2195.279,"endTime":2197.199,"body":"thought he'd say Ben, you don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2195.279,"endTime":2197.199,"body":"have time. You can do it later"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2197.199,"endTime":2200.409,"body":"in life. But listen to what my"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2197.199,"endTime":2200.409,"body":"dad said, he said, Ben, God can"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2200.409,"endTime":2203.469,"body":"make time elastic if he needs"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2200.409,"endTime":2203.469,"body":"to. You don't have time to not"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2203.469,"endTime":2204.249,"body":"work in the temple."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2204.399,"endTime":2205.659,"body":"Oh, Ben got a time"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2204.399,"endTime":2205.659,"body":"turner."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2205.989,"endTime":2210.249,"body":"I gotta tell ya, I was just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2205.989,"endTime":2210.249,"body":"very faithful of him to give me"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2210.249,"endTime":2213.789,"body":"a time turner. So so I was I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2210.249,"endTime":2213.789,"body":"in a full time master's program,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2213.819,"endTime":2216.729,"body":"I was teaching two Spanish"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2213.819,"endTime":2216.729,"body":"classes. And I was also actively"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2216.729,"endTime":2219.699,"body":"engaged in the LGBTQ working"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2216.729,"endTime":2219.699,"body":"groups, I was really busy."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2218.664,"endTime":2219.384,"body":"You were busy."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2219.489,"endTime":2222.339,"body":"And so like, every Tuesday,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2219.489,"endTime":2222.339,"body":"I would like go to the temple"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2222.339,"endTime":2224.919,"body":"for my temple shift. And I would"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2222.339,"endTime":2224.919,"body":"think I don't have to do this, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2224.919,"endTime":2227.679,"body":"need to quit. And then something"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2224.919,"endTime":2227.679,"body":"would happen where I was like, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2227.679,"endTime":2230.139,"body":"was just like, no, like, I know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2227.679,"endTime":2230.139,"body":"I have to be here. Like, I need"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2230.139,"endTime":2233.139,"body":"to be in the temple every week."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2230.139,"endTime":2233.139,"body":"And I was like, leave with like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2233.139,"endTime":2236.529,"body":"my shoulder squared, just like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2233.139,"endTime":2236.529,"body":"with a clear head, like ready to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2236.619,"endTime":2239.799,"body":"move forward. And I remember"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2236.619,"endTime":2239.799,"body":"like, a couple very specific"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2239.799,"endTime":2241.989,"body":"moments, sometimes I would have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2239.799,"endTime":2241.989,"body":"some downtime. They have like a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2242.019,"endTime":2244.929,"body":"study room in the basement. I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2242.019,"endTime":2244.929,"body":"would just like sit there like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2244.929,"endTime":2246.789,"body":"in the study room, like by"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2244.929,"endTime":2246.789,"body":"myself, like no one's there,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2246.789,"endTime":2249.549,"body":"like alone in the temple, like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2246.789,"endTime":2249.549,"body":"read the scriptures. And it was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2249.549,"endTime":2253.059,"body":"like heaven opened up and just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2249.549,"endTime":2253.059,"body":"like, I just like, felt God so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2253.059,"endTime":2256.989,"body":"strongly. And I remember one"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2253.059,"endTime":2256.989,"body":"time I was working, doing"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2257.019,"endTime":2259.839,"body":"initiatories and the initiatory"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2257.019,"endTime":2259.839,"body":"booths are like super boring."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2259.839,"endTime":2262.569,"body":"Like, there's nothing in there,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2259.839,"endTime":2262.569,"body":"very plain. There's nothing like"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2262.569,"endTime":2264.519,"body":"a set of scriptures in there."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2262.569,"endTime":2264.519,"body":"And there were no patrons, I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2264.519,"endTime":2267.039,"body":"just like sitting there. It's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2264.519,"endTime":2267.039,"body":"like sitting in its initiatory"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2267.039,"endTime":2269.589,"body":"booth with like, nothing to do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2267.039,"endTime":2269.589,"body":"I was gonna be there for like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2269.799,"endTime":2272.589,"body":"probably a good 20 minutes by"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2269.799,"endTime":2272.589,"body":"myself. And I was like, This is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2272.589,"endTime":2275.349,"body":"so stupid. Like, I'm just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2272.589,"endTime":2275.349,"body":"wasting my time here. I don't"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2275.349,"endTime":2278.379,"body":"have anything to do or read. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2275.349,"endTime":2278.379,"body":"I was like, I'm in the house of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2278.379,"endTime":2281.709,"body":"God. Like I can commune with God"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2278.379,"endTime":2281.709,"body":"right now. I just had like this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2281.709,"endTime":2284.919,"body":"really heartfelt prayer. I just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2281.709,"endTime":2284.919,"body":"like felt God, they're so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2284.919,"endTime":2289.329,"body":"strongly and, you know, as"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2284.919,"endTime":2289.329,"body":"painful as sometimes church has"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2289.329,"endTime":2293.049,"body":"been, like, I can't deny that,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2289.329,"endTime":2293.049,"body":"like, this is where I feel God."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2294.339,"endTime":2297.039,"body":"Yeah. Yeah, in some"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2294.339,"endTime":2297.039,"body":"ways, I feel like God has given"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2297.039,"endTime":2300.549,"body":"me an increased capacity to sit"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2297.039,"endTime":2300.549,"body":"in conflicting space. And for"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2300.549,"endTime":2303.729,"body":"all the times that it just like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2300.549,"endTime":2303.729,"body":"crunches against me and provides"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2303.729,"endTime":2307.119,"body":"friction and, and just like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2303.729,"endTime":2307.119,"body":"drags me down. There are these"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2307.119,"endTime":2309.789,"body":"beautiful moments where the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2307.119,"endTime":2309.789,"body":"heavens just open and I feel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2309.789,"endTime":2314.409,"body":"like a beam of light connecting"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2309.789,"endTime":2314.409,"body":"to me. And I don't, I don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2314.409,"endTime":2317.379,"body":"really know if I have a point in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2314.409,"endTime":2317.379,"body":"that, other than to just say"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2317.379,"endTime":2321.789,"body":"that, like, I think sometimes"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2317.379,"endTime":2321.789,"body":"people expect, like, interaction"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2321.789,"endTime":2326.679,"body":"with the church to be like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2321.789,"endTime":2326.679,"body":"always 100% and perfect, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2326.679,"endTime":2332.109,"body":"like, forever fulfilling and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2326.679,"endTime":2332.109,"body":"easy. But for me, that has not"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2332.109,"endTime":2334.869,"body":"been my experience at all. And"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2332.109,"endTime":2334.869,"body":"I've had some really lows, but"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2334.869,"endTime":2337.119,"body":"I've also had some really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2334.869,"endTime":2337.119,"body":"beautiful highs and that like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2337.119,"endTime":2340.269,"body":"that's almost even a gospel"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2337.119,"endTime":2340.269,"body":"principle to like, like, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2340.269,"endTime":2343.929,"body":"have to know the bitter to know"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2340.269,"endTime":2343.929,"body":"the sweet. And, and so and in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2343.929,"endTime":2346.389,"body":"some ways, like as much as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2343.929,"endTime":2346.389,"body":"things bother me and as much as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2346.389,"endTime":2350.529,"body":"like I would love for like, real"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2346.389,"endTime":2350.529,"body":"empirical change. There are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2350.529,"endTime":2355.059,"body":"things that like, ground me here"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2350.529,"endTime":2355.059,"body":"and inspire me and make me a"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2355.059,"endTime":2355.929,"body":"better person."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2355.329,"endTime":2358.239,"body":"I think what I'm hearing"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2355.329,"endTime":2358.239,"body":"you say is, and I feel this,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2358.239,"endTime":2361.959,"body":"like the church makes me a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2358.239,"endTime":2361.959,"body":"better person. But not only"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2361.959,"endTime":2365.829,"body":"that, but it like, provides this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2361.959,"endTime":2365.829,"body":"vehicle for me to like, serve"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2365.829,"endTime":2367.299,"body":"other people and help them be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2365.829,"endTime":2367.299,"body":"better too."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2368.079,"endTime":2368.499,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2368.079,"endTime":2372.489,"body":"I mean, honestly, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2368.079,"endTime":2372.489,"body":"sometimes church is just boring."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2372.789,"endTime":2375.369,"body":"But that, but then sometimes"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2372.789,"endTime":2375.369,"body":"it's just like, so"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2375.369,"endTime":2376.389,"body":"transformative."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2376.71,"endTime":2379.32,"body":"And even the boring is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2376.71,"endTime":2379.32,"body":"like fun like there's like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2379.68,"endTime":2383.52,"body":"connections and like jokes you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2379.68,"endTime":2383.52,"body":"can make about your self"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2383.52,"endTime":2385.71,"body":"righteous Elders Quorum"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2383.52,"endTime":2385.71,"body":"President named Ben Schilaty."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2387.37,"endTime":2388.3,"body":"I'm sure no one ever did"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2387.37,"endTime":2388.3,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2388.3,"endTime":2391.21,"body":"Just kidding. Don't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2388.3,"endTime":2391.21,"body":"gossip at church. But if you are"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2391.21,"endTime":2394.0,"body":"going to gossip at church, make"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2391.21,"endTime":2394.0,"body":"sure I know the gossip because I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2394.0,"endTime":2395.35,"body":"love to know what's going on."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2396.79,"endTime":2397.27,"body":"Accurate."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2397.78,"endTime":2399.55,"body":"I feel like we're"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2397.78,"endTime":2399.55,"body":"losing it but I don't know. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2399.55,"endTime":2403.87,"body":"had a weird thought, even the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2399.55,"endTime":2403.87,"body":"hard things about going to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2403.87,"endTime":2409.18,"body":"church for me have like, forced"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2403.87,"endTime":2409.18,"body":"me to action and made me like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2409.18,"endTime":2413.14,"body":"think critically and push me"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2409.18,"endTime":2413.14,"body":"further. So like, I feel like in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2413.14,"endTime":2417.34,"body":"a lot of ways I have been able"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2413.14,"endTime":2417.34,"body":"to, most often with the help of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2417.34,"endTime":2420.67,"body":"others, like, take that friction"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2417.34,"endTime":2420.67,"body":"or that..."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2420.73,"endTime":2421.24,"body":"Tension?"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2421.27,"endTime":2424.45,"body":"...tension, and like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2421.27,"endTime":2424.45,"body":"let it propel me further. It's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2424.48,"endTime":2427.51,"body":"like flicking a rubber band"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2424.48,"endTime":2427.51,"body":"almost. And like I keep having"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2427.51,"endTime":2430.21,"body":"experiences like that, that make"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2427.51,"endTime":2430.21,"body":"me grow and make me learn how to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2430.21,"endTime":2433.6,"body":"connect with people or like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2430.21,"endTime":2433.6,"body":"alter my language so I know how"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2433.6,"endTime":2435.97,"body":"to meet someone on their level."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2433.6,"endTime":2435.97,"body":"And like, there's just a lot of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2435.97,"endTime":2438.76,"body":"like, like, this is the vehicle"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2435.97,"endTime":2438.76,"body":"where I learn most, and this is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2438.76,"endTime":2442.84,"body":"the system that I operate in."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2438.76,"endTime":2442.84,"body":"And this system, like, the good"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2442.84,"endTime":2445.96,"body":"and the bad, and the scary, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2442.84,"endTime":2445.96,"body":"the ugly, and the beautiful"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2445.96,"endTime":2448.96,"body":"parts of this system all like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2445.96,"endTime":2448.96,"body":"teach me how to interact with"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2448.96,"endTime":2451.51,"body":"systems. And that's nice, you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2448.96,"endTime":2451.51,"body":"know?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2451.51,"endTime":2453.219,"body":"That's beautiful."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2453.48,"endTime":2457.17,"body":"So Ben, why do you stay"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2453.48,"endTime":2457.17,"body":"in the church?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2458.59,"endTime":2462.61,"body":"I mean, just to be very"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2458.59,"endTime":2462.61,"body":"concise, I stay in the church,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2462.64,"endTime":2465.52,"body":"because I feel like this is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2462.64,"endTime":2465.52,"body":"where God is calling me to be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2465.64,"endTime":2467.41,"body":"like, this is where he is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2465.64,"endTime":2467.41,"body":"calling me to work in his"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2467.41,"endTime":2471.64,"body":"vineyard. And as I have sought"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2467.41,"endTime":2471.64,"body":"revelation on where I should be"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2471.64,"endTime":2475.51,"body":"and how I should live, I have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2471.64,"endTime":2475.51,"body":"felt invited repeatedly, to live"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2475.51,"endTime":2477.19,"body":"within the teachings of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2475.51,"endTime":2477.19,"body":"Church of Jesus Christ of"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2477.19,"endTime":2479.95,"body":"Latter-day Saints, and to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2477.19,"endTime":2479.95,"body":"actively participate in it. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2479.95,"endTime":2482.86,"body":"I have, in my life, as I have"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2479.95,"endTime":2482.86,"body":"done that has become incredibly"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2482.86,"endTime":2483.43,"body":"beautiful."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2483.64,"endTime":2484.27,"body":"That's nice."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2484.3,"endTime":2486.16,"body":"One thing I've learned, we"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2484.3,"endTime":2486.16,"body":"talked about personal revelation"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2486.16,"endTime":2489.28,"body":"a lot is, you know, I feel very"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2486.16,"endTime":2489.28,"body":"called to stay in the church and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2489.28,"endTime":2491.11,"body":"to move forward in the church"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2489.28,"endTime":2491.11,"body":"and to work in this part of the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2491.11,"endTime":2494.86,"body":"vineyard. But I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2491.11,"endTime":2494.86,"body":"say what anyone else should do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2495.64,"endTime":2499.24,"body":"I just want everyone to seek"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2495.64,"endTime":2499.24,"body":"their own personal revelation"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2499.24,"endTime":2502.03,"body":"and do the thing that works for"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2499.24,"endTime":2502.03,"body":"them. And I'm doing the thing"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2502.06,"endTime":2504.43,"body":"that works for me. And so I"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2502.06,"endTime":2504.43,"body":"wouldn't want anyone to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2504.43,"endTime":2507.19,"body":"criticize me for my choices. And"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2504.43,"endTime":2507.19,"body":"I'm not going to criticize"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2507.19,"endTime":2508.18,"body":"anyone because of theirs."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2508.0,"endTime":2511.42,"body":"Yeah, that's a really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2508.0,"endTime":2511.42,"body":"nice point. I remember my senior"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2511.42,"endTime":2514.09,"body":"year in seminary, we watched"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2511.42,"endTime":2514.09,"body":"this video, and I'm not trying"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2514.09,"endTime":2516.94,"body":"to make direct comparisons here."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2514.09,"endTime":2516.94,"body":"But I just I'm remembering this"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2516.94,"endTime":2520.39,"body":"and recalling it. So I feel like"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2516.94,"endTime":2520.39,"body":"I'll share. But we are watching"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2520.39,"endTime":2523.51,"body":"this video, you know, there's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2520.39,"endTime":2523.51,"body":"like old seminary videos like so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2523.54,"endTime":2524.14,"body":"80s?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2524.35,"endTime":2525.58,"body":"They were new when I was in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2524.35,"endTime":2525.58,"body":"seminary."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2525.7,"endTime":2533.53,"body":"I bet you liked them."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2525.7,"endTime":2533.53,"body":"They are so lame. Okay, we just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2533.53,"endTime":2543.67,"body":"lost so many so many listeners"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2533.53,"endTime":2543.67,"body":"with that. I'm watching one of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2543.67,"endTime":2547.93,"body":"these videos, and it was about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2543.67,"endTime":2547.93,"body":"saints in Africa, prior to the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2547.93,"endTime":2552.46,"body":"1978 official declaration 2 is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2547.93,"endTime":2552.46,"body":"that correct? Check me on my"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2552.46,"endTime":2556.75,"body":"history. And the there was an"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2552.46,"endTime":2556.75,"body":"interview with this, this man"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2556.81,"endTime":2561.43,"body":"who was just like, so faithful,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2556.81,"endTime":2561.43,"body":"and so believing. And he's like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2561.49,"endTime":2564.73,"body":"I'm staying because this is"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2561.49,"endTime":2564.73,"body":"where God is. And this is where"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2564.73,"endTime":2567.79,"body":"I want to be. And I remember"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2564.73,"endTime":2567.79,"body":"watching that and thinking, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2567.79,"endTime":2571.42,"body":"would never do that. I was just"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2567.79,"endTime":2571.42,"body":"like, I would never do it. Like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2571.45,"endTime":2576.25,"body":"I would never have that much"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2571.45,"endTime":2576.25,"body":"faith. I could never overlook"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2576.31,"endTime":2580.84,"body":"being misunderstood that way or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2576.31,"endTime":2580.84,"body":"like not allowed to fully"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2580.84,"endTime":2584.08,"body":"participate because of something"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2580.84,"endTime":2584.08,"body":"out of my control. I was like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2584.08,"endTime":2588.82,"body":"would never do that. And then"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2584.08,"endTime":2588.82,"body":"fast forward 10 years, I'm doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2588.82,"endTime":2592.93,"body":"that. Like, that's where I am."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2588.82,"endTime":2592.93,"body":"And I don't know if I have like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2593.35,"endTime":2596.71,"body":"a perfect answer for why I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2593.35,"endTime":2596.71,"body":"staying in the church, other"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2596.71,"endTime":2600.88,"body":"than like this last hour or so"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2596.71,"endTime":2600.88,"body":"that we've been talking. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2600.97,"endTime":2604.6,"body":"it's not something that like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2600.97,"endTime":2604.6,"body":"take lightly, because like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2604.6,"endTime":2607.42,"body":"wouldn't do that if there wasn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2604.6,"endTime":2607.42,"body":"a reason, you know, like, I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2607.42,"endTime":2610.9,"body":"wouldn't be here if I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2607.42,"endTime":2610.9,"body":"finding value. And if I didn't"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2610.9,"endTime":2614.2,"body":"like feel God here, and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2610.9,"endTime":2614.2,"body":"honestly, I don't know what's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2614.2,"endTime":2616.69,"body":"gonna happen in the future. But"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2614.2,"endTime":2616.69,"body":"I know that this is where I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2616.69,"endTime":2620.62,"body":"supposed to be right now. And I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2616.69,"endTime":2620.62,"body":"feel like whole with that"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2620.62,"endTime":2623.92,"body":"decision. Like I feel good about"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2620.62,"endTime":2623.92,"body":"that decision. And, and that's"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2623.92,"endTime":2627.19,"body":"why I try to work so hard in"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2623.92,"endTime":2627.19,"body":"this vineyard."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2628.02,"endTime":2629.58,"body":"As you're talking, I was"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2628.02,"endTime":2629.58,"body":"thinking, you know, stay in the"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2629.58,"endTime":2632.25,"body":"church. It's kind of when we say"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2629.58,"endTime":2632.25,"body":"like, the church is true. Like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2632.28,"endTime":2634.44,"body":"what does that mean? Like? Let's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2632.28,"endTime":2634.44,"body":"unpack that a little bit. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2634.47,"endTime":2636.57,"body":"And I think as I think about"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2634.47,"endTime":2636.57,"body":"like, you know, why do I stay in"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2636.57,"endTime":2640.5,"body":"the church? Like, why do I study"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2636.57,"endTime":2640.5,"body":"the Scriptures? Why do I study"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2640.5,"endTime":2644.46,"body":"the words of modern prophets?"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2640.5,"endTime":2644.46,"body":"Why do I take the sacrament? Why"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2644.46,"endTime":2648.45,"body":"do I go to the temple? You know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2644.46,"endTime":2648.45,"body":"why do I do ministering? Like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2648.45,"endTime":2652.5,"body":"why do I magnify my calling? You"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2648.45,"endTime":2652.5,"body":"know, why do I ask for and give"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2652.5,"endTime":2654.36,"body":"priesthood blessings? You know,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2652.5,"endTime":2654.36,"body":"like, why do we do all these"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2654.36,"endTime":2659.37,"body":"things like, like makeup being a"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2654.36,"endTime":2659.37,"body":"Latter-day Saint? And it's just"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2659.37,"endTime":2662.94,"body":"like, one of the things Joseph"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2659.37,"endTime":2662.94,"body":"Smith said, he said, like, like,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2662.97,"endTime":2665.61,"body":"\"Mormonism tastes good to me.\""},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2662.97,"endTime":2665.61,"body":"Like, it really tastes good to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2665.61,"endTime":2666.0,"body":"me, too."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2666.96,"endTime":2668.97,"body":"Well, I feel like we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2666.96,"endTime":2668.97,"body":"should probably wrap up. We've"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2668.97,"endTime":2669.96,"body":"been going for a long time."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2669.96,"endTime":2670.26,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2670.71,"endTime":2674.73,"body":"Our episodes, like,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2670.71,"endTime":2674.73,"body":"maybe like, give us feedback. I"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2674.73,"endTime":2678.15,"body":"don't know. Ben will read your"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2674.73,"endTime":2678.15,"body":"emails. Like, is it okay,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2678.15,"endTime":2680.73,"body":"because we like we used to try"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2678.15,"endTime":2680.73,"body":"to keep our episodes to like 30"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2680.73,"endTime":2683.97,"body":"minutes, but now they're always"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2680.73,"endTime":2683.97,"body":"like, 45 minutes, an hour. This"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2683.97,"endTime":2685.59,"body":"one's like over an hour, I'm"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2683.97,"endTime":2685.59,"body":"pretty sure."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2685.74,"endTime":2686.13,"body":"Oops."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2686.0,"endTime":2688.22,"body":"But we're I don't think"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2686.0,"endTime":2688.22,"body":"I would cut anything. I like it"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2688.22,"endTime":2692.06,"body":"all. And also speaking of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2688.22,"endTime":2692.06,"body":"feedback, like, we are two dudes"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2692.06,"endTime":2696.14,"body":"in a basement, like doing"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2692.06,"endTime":2696.14,"body":"everything we can to work in the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2696.14,"endTime":2699.44,"body":"vineyard like Ben was saying and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2696.14,"endTime":2699.44,"body":"to try to like expand hearts and"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2699.44,"endTime":2703.52,"body":"reach people. And we really"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2699.44,"endTime":2703.52,"body":"appreciate everyone who shares"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2703.52,"endTime":2706.46,"body":"our episodes and helps us grow"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2703.52,"endTime":2706.46,"body":"this this project that's so dear"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2706.46,"endTime":2711.83,"body":"to us. And so if if you liked"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2706.46,"endTime":2711.83,"body":"this, like, share it, please."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2712.52,"endTime":2714.77,"body":"This podcast honestly is"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2712.52,"endTime":2714.77,"body":"one of the ways I felt prompted"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2714.77,"endTime":2715.64,"body":"to work in the vineyard."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2715.73,"endTime":2716.21,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2716.27,"endTime":2719.27,"body":"And it really means a lot"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2716.27,"endTime":2719.27,"body":"to me when people listen and"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2719.27,"endTime":2721.16,"body":"share if they feel if they want"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2719.27,"endTime":2721.16,"body":"to."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2721.25,"endTime":2722.75,"body":"So thank you. Thank you"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2721.25,"endTime":2722.75,"body":"to everyone."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2722.78,"endTime":2724.34,"body":"Yeah, if you made it this"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2722.78,"endTime":2724.34,"body":"far, thanks."},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2724.73,"endTime":2726.77,"body":"Thank you for joining"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2724.73,"endTime":2726.77,"body":"us today. If you have enjoyed"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2726.77,"endTime":2729.23,"body":"this or other episodes, please"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2726.77,"endTime":2729.23,"body":"consider leaving a review,"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2729.29,"endTime":2731.75,"body":"following us on Instagram or"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2729.29,"endTime":2731.75,"body":"Facebook at questions from the"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2731.75,"endTime":2735.17,"body":"closet, or sharing this podcast"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2731.75,"endTime":2735.17,"body":"with someone you love. And as"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2735.17,"endTime":2737.78,"body":"always, please remember that we"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2735.17,"endTime":2737.78,"body":"do not represent the Church of"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2737.78,"endTime":2740.12,"body":"Jesus Christ of Latter-day"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2737.78,"endTime":2740.12,"body":"Saints or Brigham Young"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2740.12,"endTime":2742.85,"body":"University. We are not trying to"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2740.12,"endTime":2742.85,"body":"be prescriptive or tell anyone"},{"speaker":"Charlie","startTime":2742.85,"endTime":2744.08,"body":"what to think or what to do."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2744.23,"endTime":2746.54,"body":"You are two perspectives"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2744.23,"endTime":2746.54,"body":"and there are many, many more,"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2746.6,"endTime":2748.49,"body":"we encourage you to listen to"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2746.6,"endTime":2748.49,"body":"other voices and hear a wide"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2748.49,"endTime":2751.25,"body":"variety of experiences. If you"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2748.49,"endTime":2751.25,"body":"would like to submit a question"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2751.31,"endTime":2754.1,"body":"or share a comment about today's"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2751.31,"endTime":2754.1,"body":"episode, you can email us at"},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2755.12,"endTime":2757.01,"body":"questionsfromthecloset@gmail.com."},{"speaker":"Ben","startTime":2755.12,"endTime":2757.01,"body":"Until next time,"}]}