Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

How to Increase the Value You Add to Your Church as a Youth Pastor

• Kristen Lascola • Episode 236

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Are you ready to grow the size and health of your youth ministry? Check out
GrowYourYouthMinistry.com *** Character surpasses skills every time in youth ministry. That's the powerful message at the heart of this conversation about what truly makes a youth pastor valuable.  While this podcast is always full of practical advice, this episode offers a crucial recalibration for youth pastors who might be focusing too much on where they're going rather than who they're becoming.

The episode breaks down four specific character qualities that increase a student pastor's value to the church: honesty, trustworthiness, tolerance , and teachability. These qualities, rooted in connection to the Holy Spirit, create sustainability in student ministry that mere talent cannot provide.  Listen in and discover how deepening your character can transform not just your youth ministry effectiveness but your entire leadership journey.

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We love hearing from you all and we do our best to provide powerful and insightful youth ministry content on a weekly basis to be that coach and mentor you may not have, but desperately need.
If you have an episode idea, please E-Mail us at MinistryCoachPodcast@gmail.com!

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You may also enjoy these episodes:

(#091) What is the Biblical Definition of a Youth Pastor?

(#026) Increasing Your Value, Worth & Influence: Heart, Hunger, Hustle

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Speaker 1:

Today, we're talking about how you can increase your value as a youth pastor to the church that you work at.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we talk about all things youth ministry. My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Kristen Laskola.

Speaker 1:

And today we're going to talk about how you can increase your value as a staff member at your church, and today is going to feel a little more devotional and encouragement rather than here's some tips and tactics.

Speaker 2:

Less encouraging. More beat you over the head is what we usually do.

Speaker 1:

I don't think so. I think we usually give, like, some practical tips, and today will be a little more heart than head, which I think we all need once in a while as youth pastors, to make sure that we're not missing the point.

Speaker 1:

You know, like it's sort of that recalibration, like we're working, working, working, working. Wait, what's the point? Like, like, what's the most important? What should we be keeping our temperature gauge on? What should we make sure is not getting off? Because here's the truth If you lose yourself, you lose your ministry. Lose yourself. Sorry, yes, jeff.

Speaker 2:

I don't think I can hear that phrase without thinking that song Lose yourself, and then what's the next line.

Speaker 1:

Do you know?

Speaker 2:

And always just sort of stops there. Sorry, take two and go.

Speaker 1:

So everything comes down to this core, this center of in order to be a good youth pastor, you have to like everything starts with that like godly character and integrity. That's it. Like that is like the core of what we do. If we lose our character, if we lose who we are, if we lose our integrity, we lose our ministry. Like I feel like so many people get so good at their job that they start relying solely on their giftedness and in the midst of that giftedness, in the midst of that success and all of those wins, they sort of forget who they were supposed to be the whole time.

Speaker 2:

Do you think that happens more often, where someone gets to that point or someone that starts that way?

Speaker 1:

I feel like people get to that point. I feel like they start out with the right heart, they start out with the. I just want to like, preach the gospel and touch these lives and let everyone know how much God loves them. And then somewhere along the line, something gets you. It's like is it going to be cynicism? Is it going to be lukewarm, kind of just like vague spirituality? Is it going to be loss of passion? Is it going to be a moral failure? Like these are all like Carrie Newhoff wrote a whole book on all these different ways that burnout manifests itself and sometimes people are like just over it and cynical.

Speaker 1:

And some people get into really bad habits and addictions and some like somebody you all like, if you lose your yours, if you start to lose your soul, it manifests itself in like some different ways you know. So I think people become that way. I think a lot of times people start out with the right intention. Proverbs 10, 19 states whoever walks in integrity walks securely. But whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. And that's just emphasizing the importance of our character and our integrity, like no matter what we're doing in ministry, like we are part of the message. You know it's like we're preaching the gospel, but we're the medium for that Like. So if the gospel is coming through us, like, does our integrity match up with our message? You know, and you always want to make sure that you're not just becoming like a ministry bot, like I just go through the motions and do the things. Jesus loves you and we're playing games, but that it's coming from who you really are and what.

Speaker 1:

God has is currently doing in your life, not what he once did a long time ago, but is your relationship with God continuing to be dynamic? So the question we should constantly be asking ourselves is not like where do I want to go in ministry? I think youth pastors especially are always like what's my next step, what's my next move, what's my next area? And you know I love what Doug Fields always says, like, well, I never wanted to be a senior pastor, even if I had the opportunity which I'm sure he did it's just like this is what I was made to do. So we're not always trying to look at where am I going, but who am I becoming? That's a much more important question. And in your station of life right now as youth pastor, instead of looking for what's the next step, what's the next move, where's the next role, where do I go next? How do I build this?

Speaker 1:

Like just having that answer in your pants thing is just continuing to look at whatever I'm doing now is my resume for what I'm going to do in the future. Now is my resume for what I'm going to do in the future Like, if I do this well and keep my soul and character and integrity intact. That is the prerequisite for whatever might be next. Because I always look at it as I didn't see myself in youth ministry. It wasn't like an I shall be a youth pastor. It's like God had set this path and like kind of just led me down it. So, whatever the next move is, don't you think he might do that again? So just stay here until he says time to pack up and move it. You know you don't always have to be like yeah, yeah, yeah, but but when I get my real job?

Speaker 1:

or something like that. So not where do I want to go, but who do I want to be. So when we start to dive into scripture, if you want to know what qualifies a youth pastor, you know we talk about that kind of stuff all the time on the podcast Like what does it take to be a youth pastor? So today, instead of just like our opinion and experience, what is the true definition? Like what is the? What does the Bible say about? What are the qualifications of every youth pastor?

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to read from first Timothy three, and it says this here's a trustworthy saying whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now, the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness nor violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him. He must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a recent convert or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap. In the same way, deacons are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, not pursuing dishonest gain. They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. They must first be tested and then, if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers, but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

Speaker 1:

So these are descriptions of people who want to be overseers in the church, who have a leadership role in the church, and it's really interesting that what the Bible deems as qualifications has a lot more to do with character, not skills. So I think there's one skill on there and it says able to teach. That's it, and other than that, every single other thing is a character issue. So when you're like, what does it take to be a youth pastor or an overseer in church leadership? I think 1 Timothy 3 gives us a pretty clear indication 99% of it is character, 1% is skill. And then, if you go to 1 Timothy 4. There is another list in there and it's very similar, and then I mean I'm not going to read all of these.

Speaker 1:

And then Titus 1 also talks about since an overseer manages God's household. He must be blameless, not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. That's again that teaching piece, that theological piece. And the elder qualifications have a lot to do with the way you run your family and you know, faithfulness in your marriage, children who are obedient, all that kind of stuff. So let's boil that down to say God cares much more about our character than our skill.

Speaker 1:

And I can't help but think of the example of King Saul, to where the people really liked him. They saw him as a skilled leader. I mean, I don't really know what he had going for him, except he was tall and handsome, I guess you know, like just classic magnetic. Well, you're good looking. You must know what you're doing. You know, I feel like people are. I feel like in college I remember them bringing up studies that if you're attractive, people automatically think you're more interesting and that you are smarter, like you know what you're talking about. So they must've looked at King I mean, human nature hasn't changed, I'm sure. So they looked at Saul and they're like yeah, well, please lead us. You're, you're tall and handsome, but there was no substance, there was no character and he led Israel and his own household horribly. You know, thank God for his son, jonathan, who had like some common sense and love the Lord and all of that kind of thing, but Saul didn't have the godly characters. So I feel like we can be suckers for leaders that look good on the outside but they're missing the whole character issue of how do they run their family and how do they run their own life and it's all.

Speaker 1:

Character, character, character, character able to teach character, character, character, character able to teach character, character, character, character, character. So skills and character are not equal. It's always character is greater than skills, and I've heard some people say you can teach skills but you can't teach character, and I almost wrote that down as a point because I've learned that so many times in different leadership settings. However, I think character is a hybrid kind of thing, like I think it can be taught. We teach our kids character all the time. Yeah, like you lie. Here's why we don't lie. We break trust and that shows what kind of person you are, and we break relationship when we do that, it's the more difficult thing to probably change than learning a skill.

Speaker 1:

Like, my character has changed from being around people with great character.

Speaker 1:

It's like I look how they are so encouraging and I'm like I want to be that way and I adopt that. So I think character can be taught. It's harder to teach and it boils down to it has to be an act of the Holy Spirit ultimately to change. But I feel conviction in my character when I watch other people do things that I know I should be. So I think character can be taught. But when we're examining ourselves as leaders, it's not so much as well. I'm the best teacher and I'm, you know, throw the best events and I'm just really good at my job. Like we want to be more than just good at our job. That's important. We have to be able to work after all, we're getting paid to do this some of us but your character outweighs that. If you can do the job but your character sucks.

Speaker 1:

Like the book of Proverbs says it's just going to catch up with you eventually. You know people will only like you. Just hear of those pastors that are like these weird geniuses and they come up with like all this amazing stuff but they're verbally abusive to people and they're toxic and it's like people can't put up with that forever. You will be found out by your actions, no matter how smart you are now, no matter how much theology, you know how good of a teacher. And I think people can hide behind their skill to say, well, because I'm so smart, because I'm such a good teacher, because I can grow things, because I'm super cool, everyone likes me. You fill in the blank of whatever your superpower is as a pastor. They hide behind that and people enable it because they'll excuse their behavior because, well, they're the golden child of teaching and wow, look at them, they're so good. Let's just let this other stuff slide. But inevitably that stuff always catches up and will bite someone somewhere. It'll either bite themselves or you'll get bit by them, or your students or a parent. Like it will get found out, it will come out in some ugly way.

Speaker 1:

So, teaching, was this like teeny, tiny part of it, like, yeah, able to teach? Also, let me tell you about your character. So don't excuse your bad behavior by saying I have other gifts that make me worth it, because and that's a good, that's a good word for when you hire someone like, well, they're really good at this, yeah, but if their character sucks, it's going to ruin everything and it won't be worth the gift, you know. So that's why it's always character is greater than skill, because it's just, it can't pull its weight. You know what I mean. So never, ever, overlook those glaring character flaws in yourself or in other people. Again, that's like the lens of Saul. It's like he kind of did whatever he wanted and God just eventually took his favor off of him. Of like you don't do anything, I say like you just do whatever is convenient for you.

Speaker 1:

you know, like a toddler really well, he acted like a toddler when he was hurling his spear at david, when david's like playing a little melody on the harp and he's like I love this song, spear. I'm like whoa. You went from like, oh, this, this is so soothing. Thanks for the song too. I'm going to kill you, like whoa, I just would love to have been a fly on the wall and watch this drama play out. Like yeah, it is like a toddler, so what does that look like? You know us.

Speaker 2:

we're always going back to practical and couldn't go a whole episode without going practical.

Speaker 1:

True, but I want to help you. I want to help you know like oh great, that sounds good, my character matters. Okay, let's get a little more specific. So what does that look like? We're going to talk about four things, and the first thing is honesty.

Speaker 1:

So if we want to have character that holds up and integrity and make ourselves more valuable to our church and to our ministry, it starts with honesty, and honesty in the sense of do you own up to your mistakes? You know we're all going to drop the ball sometimes and being honest with who we really are of like, yeah, I, I didn't do what I said I was going to do, or I made a mistake, or nope, I shouldn't have done. Like, just honest with failure and not deferring it or blaming others or hiding it or something like that. Just being very honest shows our character time and time again, and along with that, another way to say it is trustworthy. But that means more like do you do what you say you're going to do consistently? Like can?

Speaker 1:

Sometimes I've worked with people that I've given them like all right, this is your thing. And then weeks and weeks and weeks go by. You're like so did you just decide you weren't going to do it, did you not get around to it? And then the next time something comes along, I may or may not ask you. You know, like you might not be trustworthy that you say you're going to do it, when you're going to do it, or like, if you can't, then the honesty comes back in to say, hey, I know, I said I could do this in two weeks. I don't think I can. Would it be cool if I had four weeks? Of course, but don't just like ghost, like my biggest pet peeve in life right now is being ghosted. Don't just say I can't do it or I'm not interested, or I had something come up, but just ceasing. Communication is so rude.

Speaker 2:

I think we had this conversation just the other day. But I think the new generation it's almost like ghosting is more accepted, like nobody loves it, but it's more accepted in the sense that it's like it's a response, a non-response.

Speaker 1:

It is so weird and it's.

Speaker 2:

I hope that trend changes because, yeah, I think like no one's like I don't mind being ghosted, like there was my answer, but I think sometimes the younger generations, that is just their answer, I'm just not going to answer you, so you'll kind of get the point. It's like wow, that's rude and inconsiderate. I will never accept it.

Speaker 1:

It like makes my blood boil. It's so disrespectful. I hate it, so don't ghost people.

Speaker 2:

It's so awful.

Speaker 1:

So honest, trustworthy and tolerant is a big part of this integrity piece and this character piece. And by tolerant I mean how do you deal with frustrations, irritations, inconveniences and I think we mentioned this on a podcast recently. But I was in a meeting with our senior pastor and he said I don't know why people, like somewhere along the line, felt like it is unacceptable for anything to irritate me. Like all irritants must be addressed and removed immediately.

Speaker 1:

And I can't, and it's like having a tolerance, for there will be people that frustrate me, and I am okay to navigate them, it'll be all right, and I'm mature enough to cohabitate in this space with them. That is inconvenient, but are you flexible enough to be like well, I can find a way around that? This is not an ideal situation, but I can bend and mold and flex and I can be tolerant of less than ideal circumstances. But instead of that demanding, entitled attitude of like this has got to change, this has to change, it's like or can you flex that makes you valuable to your church, that that is a value that is making you promotable. You know, if that comes up, is someone who can like look at something, go, not ideal, but let's keep going. And some people are so good at that they just like don't even let it get them down. Like, well, this sucks, all right. How do we solve?

Speaker 2:

it. What's next?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because just throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to solve anything and you lose respect, like even if someone accommodates you of like, oh yes, right away we will get that irritant out of your way, like you lost respect with them, you know. So my advice is, if you can put up with it and navigate it in maturity, then do unless it's unhealthy or toxic or abusive. Of course there's always those asterisk caveats, whatever fine print, but for the most part, can you just deal? Can you deal? Can you build your tolerance for annoying things? Can you increase your capacity to deal with less than ideal situations, like some of my leaders or interns that have come through in the past.

Speaker 1:

I think I share this one where this guy came with us to winter camp and he goes oh my gosh, I only got six hours of sleep last night. I'm like six hours the first night of winter camp, hallelujah, that's something to celebrate, you know. But it was just like oh my gosh, you know, and I get it, I love sleep and it's very important to me and I just thought it was so funny. It was like buddy, you ain't seen nothing yet, you know, like, so just increasing our capacity through tolerance, and then lastly, how are you navigating the ghosters?

Speaker 2:

are you tolerating them?

Speaker 1:

um, I have no choice. You know, I have given them every opportunity to respond and they don't, so I show up at their house. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Speaker 2:

I need an answer right now. You know I got to go. It irritates me. Actually, I'm going to ghost her. I'm coming, here, I come.

Speaker 1:

Well, I don't know what you do, you just have to accept it. It makes me very frustrated, but and I would like to know the reason Do you have? A good reason, because I'm OK with you ghosting me.

Speaker 2:

Just tell me why you ghosted me exactly, and then I'll let it go. I see how that sounds ghosting me again.

Speaker 1:

That's a double ghosting. Well, boo boo well, yeah I don't know, it's hard not to take it personally, yeah, but I don't. It's like well hard not to take it personally, but I don't. It's like well, nothing happened. You just decided you were done. I guess Done before we even got started.

Speaker 1:

And then, lastly, teachable. So staying teachable meaning potential criticism Do you even ask? And staying teachable means that you are well aware you may get it wrong and it doesn't mean you're bad or awful, it just means like, do you expect to like get a hundred on everything you know? Yes, said the three type A personality. I do so sometimes. That's hard, but I have tried to learn the art of not taking feedback personal, but seeing it more as you're wanting to make me better or you're helping me with my work. You're not saying you are bad, but have you thought of this with your work? You know, there was a guy today trying to give me some feedback on something he goes you know I love you and I said just say it, what do I need to do? I just say it just. I can take it. Just give me just what it is. You know, and I've. I feel like I can handle that a lot better than I can handle being ghosted. But yeah, feedback like are you teachable of? Have you ever thought of like?

Speaker 1:

A long time ago, our campus pastor said you know, I think you should really highly consider taking an element out of your programming, because we would always do an icebreaker every single night plus a game, and he's like it feels really congested. And I'm like you're right, we are always running out of time, so we just do the impossible shot and that's a lot quicker than a full icebreaker. And now we have time. And and another thing, I think instead of your program being seven to nine, it should be six, 30 to eight, 30. And I thought, oh yeah, you're right, and it's so much better and my leaders love it. So having an open, and then sometimes people will give me feedback and I'm like man, I see why you'd say that and I appreciate it, but I don't think that's going to work.

Speaker 2:

But here's why you're wrong. Here's why.

Speaker 1:

I can't be teachable right now, but I'm like, ah, that won't work and I and I know better in that situation. But the point is, is being open of like, could something be better? Like, how could you know everything you can't? So being open to what's your idea.

Speaker 2:

What do?

Speaker 1:

you have. How can, how could I be better? I did a presentation tonight and I asked one of our higher staff members like if you had done that presentation, what would you have done differently? You know, and he's like I don't know, it was really good. I said no, like if it were your night and your job and you did it, how would you have done it? And what would you have said differently? He's like all right, I would have done this. I'm like see, that's so good, I want to do that next time. So removing the personal element is harder for some people than others, but just keep that in mind. Those are four areas, but really the power to do this, all of this, our character and integrity, doesn't come by our own will or our own trying or our own whatever disciplines. It comes from connection and submission to the Holy Spirit.

Speaker 1:

Like that's just the way that it is.

Speaker 1:

For me, another like element that comes in is the fear of God. Like I know, I'm going to have to stand before God someday and give an account of my ministry and the way I led. And our senior pastor always says as leaders, we're not held to a different standard, we're just held to the same standard more strictly, because the Bible says not many of you should become teachers, my dear brothers, for in doing so you'll incur stricter judgment. So, remembering that the health of your soul and your relationship with God is really thrown onto you as the individual rather than on the organization, like well, it's my church's job to make sure. No, it's not, it's your job to make sure. So, seeking to have that heart of knowing God, pleasing God and then communicating truth. But remember, like we said at the beginning, if you lose yourself, you lose your ministry. So that connection to the Holy Spirit, like how John 15, abide, abide, abide or remain, remain, remain. We remain in him. Without him we can do nothing.

Speaker 1:

So, avoiding the temptation to just ride our gifts and be like, oh I get, because a lot of people aren't gifted enough but eventually their leadership putters out.

Speaker 1:

It's just not sustainable, you know, like you will experience some kind of burnout, just writing your gifts on your own strength and your own power and trying to just keep up and like it's just, it's your character and your connection to the Holy Spirit and your remaining in Jesus and that relationship being the source of everything you do, and that could be slower growth. Some people are kind of coming hot with these gifts and they're a flash in the pan and then everyone realizes that they've got some hidden addiction or that they are burnt out and they had unhealthy work habits or, you know, unhealthy spiritual habits or whatever it might be. I want to be in ministry for a very long time and I want to finish the race well and I love what our senior pastor says. He says I don't want there to be an asterisk next to my name and he's like when I'm done, I want it to be like he did it, he finished well, and that his family is proud of him.

Speaker 1:

His wife is proud of him and they don't have to say, well, my dad was a good pastor, but there was this thing you know it's like, but he had a good run.

Speaker 2:

It's like he's like no like my baseball coach who was the drug dealer. It was a great guy, but he was a drug dealer.

Speaker 1:

Except for that one time he dealt drugs.

Speaker 2:

Asterisk next to that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, do you want to be that guy that it's going down in history? It was like I had that youth pastor and he was so fun or she was so cool, but then we all found out it's like that's they're gonna remember. Like don't remember the good times, but that will always be the asterisk underneath your name, like what a bummer you know. And not that we're all like perfect by any means. However, if there's a glaring character flaw, it's time to get real with the Lord and get right in that, repent of that and for our ministry's sake, for a relationship with God.

Speaker 1:

for a lot of motivations. But yeah, I just kind of wanted to do this episode so that we could all just recalibrate our heart toward, all just recalibrate our heart toward. Am I focused more on my skill or my character of where I'm going or who I am, and just coming back to the heart of, yes, we need to grow our skills to do our job, but if our character sucks, none of it matters, so that's that we did an episode a while back, the biblical description of a youth pastor.

Speaker 2:

It kind of goes deep on some of the things you were talking about. If you want to go deeper, make sure you check out that episode. Question of the day this is inspired by it's March, march Madness, and maybe you're watching this in the future. This question may still pertain but who do you have on your bracket as your winning team? This one doesn't fill out a bracket unless I force her, and then she doesn't even know if it's basketball or football. But do you have a go-to team? Bracket schmacket, bracket, schmacket.

Speaker 1:

I always well, I'll always pick duke I was gonna say I'm looking at whatever little chart is on your desk right now. I haven't filled out.

Speaker 2:

I haven't filled out all the losses that I've had yet, but it's been pretty brutal. Every time I try to pick an upset, I picked wrong, so there's that. There's gotta be something for that, so I always turn my, what was the one?

Speaker 1:

that just there was something that was just this, a fantasy thing or I don't know my intern football I don't know, trevor entered it and won us a pizza party so I don't know. Good job, trevor, I know trevor's, one of my interns and it was this like one at church and he entered it and it had to be fantasy football maybe I don't know what we just did. I didn didn't really ask, but he's like oh, I'm winning.

Speaker 1:

I'm winning the contest race competition and he's like I think I'm going to win. And I was like yeah, right, you know. And sure enough, he's like okay, well, we have a database team called the rock team, cause that's what our database is called. He's like the Rock team's going to buy us pizza next week because I won. I'm like oh, that was the best sports story I've ever had Go sports, go sports.

Speaker 2:

So put in the comments section below who's your either this team you picked this year or who's just your go-to team. If Duke is in the tournament, I pick Duke. I'm not going to bet against Duke, of course not.

Speaker 1:

So one of our friends has a six-year-old who loves sports everything sports, sports, sports. And we did this Good Friday service and you had to do a prayer request and put it. We made this wailing wall kind of thing and then you would roll it up and stick it in the wall like you do in. Israel and someone pulled this out and just said I pray sports pray sports, you will. I pray sports, that's what I pray that the sports would sport and they have and they will and we called it all the time.

Speaker 2:

Now, like I pray sports simple, straight to the point, and it's true, god knows.

Speaker 1:

The Holy Spirit fills in the words we can't say. Isn't that what the Bible says?

Speaker 2:

All right Community comment of the day. This comes from Jerry Ray, who says Thank you guys for all the info and the help. Whenever I need games or advice, I look for you guys.

Speaker 1:

God bless. Well, thank you. God bless you too, Jerry. I love when people just see us as a resource like, hey, I need this. Let's go to the ministry coach, because that was the whole vision of what we do. I love it.

Speaker 2:

Thank you guys, so much for watching and listening. And thank you, Jerry Ray, and we'll see you next time. Welcome to the ministry coach podcast, where we bring you weekly tips and tactics tech tactics as quickly as possible, as quickly as humanly possible.

Speaker 1:

Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing? Do you see what I see? So it's December and