Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources
Kristen Lascola from North Coast Church gives weekly insight and tips on how to grow the size and health of your Youth Ministry! With over 20 years in Student Ministry, Kristen shares her knowledge and experiences and frequently features guests from various ministries, churches and leadership roles so that you can use proven strategies to increase your impact from your leadership role. This podcast will help you grow your leadership skills, enhance your youth group, learn new youth group games, put on impactful youth ministry events, build a thriving volunteer staff, grow your influence and create a healthy environment so that you can help take the ministry God has you in to the next level. Hit subscribe and get ready to advance your youth ministry!
https://www.growyouryouthministry.com/
Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources
The Reasons Why WHO You Do Youth Ministry With is Just as Important as the Ministry Itself
Are you ready to grow the size and health of your youth ministry? Check out
GrowYourYouthMinistry.com *** Every youth pastor knows the rollercoaster of youth ministry – the highs of seeing students grow, the lows of drama and discouragement. What many don't realize is that who you choose to ride that student ministry rollercoaster with matters just as much as the ministry itself.
Whether you're struggling with difficult team dynamics, seeking to build a powerful team from the ground up or looking to strengthen an already solid group, these insights will help you create a youth ministry environment where everyone – including you – can thrive for the long haul. Your youth ministry's longevity depends not just on what you do, but who you do it with.
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We love hearing from you all and we do our best to provide powerful and insightful youth ministry content on a weekly basis to be that coach and mentor you may not have, but desperately need.
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If you have it on your heart to support this ministry, please consider going to our Patreon page at: www.patreon.com/ministrycoach
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You may also enjoy these episodes:
(#011) How to Recruit the RIGHT Volunteers For Youth Ministry
(#024) Raising Up Leaders in Student Ministry - How to Duplicate Yourself!!!
(#244) How to Retain Your Youth Ministry Volunteers for Years!
(#245) How to Keep Students Coming Back to Your Youth Ministry EVERY WEEK!
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There are so many ups and downs in youth ministry. That's why who you do ministry with is just as important as the ministry itself. That's what we're talking about today on the Ministry Coach Podcast.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast where every week, we give you actionable and practical tips to help you and your youth ministry.
Speaker 1:My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Kristen Laskola, and today we're talking about who are you doing ministry with? I feel like over the past few weeks we've been talking a lot about our team and this is sort of like a great follow up for the past two episodes. So if you haven't watched those yet, it's not like you have to hear them or see them to understand this one, but it's all good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you should Come on Like it's all just building off the same topic, and I've heard it said that who you are doing ministry with is just as important as the ministry itself. And the reason for that is because who you're doing ministry with determines if you can successfully pull it off Right. So you might have a great vision for ministry, you might have a great passion for ministry, you might be called into ministry. Whether or not you can execute it, whether or not you can pull it off, whether or not it's going to live up to the vision that you have or that God has given you for it will largely depend on who is surrounding you and who you're doing ministry with.
Speaker 1:So that's a question for all of you today who are you doing ministry with? On the last episode today, who are you doing ministry with? On the last episode, we said, if you're doing ministry absolutely alone, stop everything and go find people to do it with. And let's assume that you did stop everything and you have some people that you're doing ministry with. You have a team around you, you have leaders, and now what?
Speaker 1:So today we're not talking so much about, like, how to care for them, but like how do you know that they're the right people, and not necessarily just the right people for ministry, but specifically the right people for you to be doing ministry with? Because there are some qualifications for ministry that have a lot to do with, like, our character and our spirituality. And if you want that full list, it is available in the Bible, yeah. So first, timothy three and Titus one give us a list that churches should be looking for when they're hiring or appointing an overseer.
Speaker 1:In your Bible, the heading might say something like qualifications for overseers in the church, and it has a lot to do with our character, not our abilities, and we've talked about that before. But just because you are a faithful person, you love Jesus, you're following the Lord and you're, on paper, qualified to do ministry in a biblical sense. It doesn't mean that you and I are going to work really well together and have a lot of chemistry. So, for the sake of this episode, let's just assume that these people meet all the spiritual criteria, because I don't want anyone to think like well, you didn't talk about anything about them having to be a Christian to love the Lord and be following Jesus and above reproach and not living in high-handed sin. Those are all givens, okay. So I don't really want to spend time in the episode talking about things that should be blaringly obvious, glaringly obvious blatantly obvious.
Speaker 1:Yes, I was thinking blatantly and glaring which is actually a word. It's just not used correctly right here right now, but I noticed, so you know, give me some credit there.
Speaker 2:I'll give you a little credit.
Speaker 1:Thank you. So today we're talking about more like nuanced things Like how do I know like okay, you're a person for ministry. How do I know you're my person for?
Speaker 2:ministry.
Speaker 1:So here's a question that I actually felt bad about for a very, very, very long time, until someone in leadership gave me permission to ask this question about my team, and the question is do you like them? And I kind of thought that was irrelevant. Like well, it's not about me.
Speaker 1:They're willing to serve, yeah, and they love the Lord and they signed up, so I have to take them Right. And they were like why do you have to work with people you don't enjoy? Why do you have to work with people you don't like? Now, loving and liking are two different things.
Speaker 1:Like we have to treat everyone with love, kindness, respect, you know, nonpartiality, all that kind of stuff. I believe that biblical love is commanded for us, for everyone. But there is a difference between someone just being qualified and so well, I guess I have to take him, which is what I always thought like. Well, on paper you fit the bill, but do I like you? And as soon as I was asked that question, I felt this like relief. Like you mean, I can pick people or non-pick people, based on if I like them.
Speaker 2:They were like yes, yeah, talk for a little bit about like. I think that the knee-jerk reaction might to think oh, it's just your click, then like your besties or whatever, and all these other people who are totally fine, don't get picked. Unpack that a little more what do you mean?
Speaker 1:like them? Yeah, do I like them, because these aren't always people.
Speaker 2:It's like these are all the people I hang out with every single day and they're in my inner circle and we hang out, you know, and text each other non-stop. It's not that so no, it's not like.
Speaker 1:So I have like a group of like six best friends and we're all the same age. We're all very similar. We all talk the same act, the same dresses. For the most part, we enjoy the same things. I don't have one person like that on my team, so it's not like.
Speaker 2:Hey, this is all like my same, like gender, demographic because last personality I think it was last week we talked about duplicating your leadership and you're not literally like they need to look, act and sound exactly like, no, you don't like copy and paste yourself, like I'm not saying that, like the people on my team are all super different in terms of age, gender, station in life, personality, but I like them all, meaning I get along with them.
Speaker 1:So here's the questions.
Speaker 2:And they get along with each other.
Speaker 1:Yes, so here are the questions.
Speaker 2:Do you just want to do the episode by?
Speaker 1:yourself Jeff.
Speaker 2:You guys would love it. But go ahead, go, do your fancy episode. Before we go any further further, you have something in your tooth, right there and you know what, and this whole time when you were talking, I thought, wow, your eyes look really white today, very like white.
Speaker 1:And you point out something in my I thought you'd be like oh no oh well, no one can see it okay, um, so number one like we we said, do I like them, and by that I mean like do I look forward to seeing them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Are these people that, when I see, I want to move toward, not away from, just you know I've talked about that analogy before. You see their car in the parking lot and you're not filled with dread, you're filled with excitement. I can't wait to see them. Do they inspire a feeling of excitement and magnetism in you? And I think that's really important, and I'll talk about the reason why that's important in a second. But you forced my hand to talk about these reasons. Number two generally speaking, do I feel filled up by them? Now, every friendship, every relationship, every interaction can't leave us filled to the brim, a hundred percent. There'll be a day when someone irritates you, or they make a bad call, or, you know, do something, don't show up, or do something that annoys you. For sure, generally speaking, do they fill you up instead of drain you? You know there's people that are battery chargers for you and people that are battery drainers for you and the. The thing is and I'm going to have to dip into this a little bit now ministry is hard enough.
Speaker 1:Okay, I cannot also have a team. That is difficult my students angels.
Speaker 2:Can be difficult, angels.
Speaker 1:But sometimes we get in a little issue with them treating each other a certain way or parents now calling upset about something Like. Ministry will come with its own challenges. I can't also have a team that is full of challenges. They have to be people who fill my battery, not drain my battery, because I'm going to have to deal with so many issues draining issues just by virtue of what we do.
Speaker 1:In ministry. People are messy, relationships are complicated, students are students. They're still developing. I expect there to be challenges with students. However, I do not expect to have issues over and over and over and over again with the same person.
Speaker 1:When they're a leader, you know like okay, okay, maybe they posted something they shouldn't on social media, we'll have a conversation, move on. But if I'm having to have the same conversation with them all the time, or if they're a dominator, or if they're drama, or if they're having a hard time getting along with other people on the team and they're draining everyone's battery, then to me that's a no-go. Yeah, like we have enough drama to deal with without an adult who should be acting like a leader, causing drama. So do we feel filled up by them? And then, kind of in the same breath. Do they make ministry easier for you or do they make ministry harder for you Again?
Speaker 1:There's going to be so many things that are difficult in ministry and I want you to think about those things right now. I want you to think about the things that you've had to do in ministry that you would not want to do again. Okay, and imagine you have to do them again, but some of the best people in your life are standing beside you doing it with you. And that's how I feel with my team. Like when we go to camp, inevitably something happens. It's always called spin the wheel of whitewater. And will there be a monsoon? Will there be a bear? Will there be like?
Speaker 2:rattlesnake a rattlesnake.
Speaker 1:Flat tire, broken trailer anxiety right, or a sick kid or something, and we've always had to charge these difficult situations. But the reason I can do it is because we're doing it together and these people help, don't hinder the process. They are quick thinkers, they're problem solvers, they have skin in the game and they want to help move toward a solution. They don't make my life harder, they always make it easier. They find solutions and I like to believe I've empowered them to carry out those solutions.
Speaker 1:I remember last year we had a monsoon and we were at whitewater, which a monsoon is not a big deal but everything's outside. So now everything's soaking wet. There was no inside to put anything and one of my leaders, just quick thinking, goes and gets the blower and he starts drying the tarps with the blower. We bring a blower for our tarps to keep leaves and debris and dirt off of them, but they also work as a giant hairdryer and it started drying these tarps so that the kids now aren't sitting in mud because their shoes are all dirty. Then they step on the wet tarp and now we've created mud and now there's nowhere to clean. He's sweating on his hands and knees, jesse, thank you Just blowing this tarp.
Speaker 1:Owen helped too, and it was fantastic. They just jumped right into action, spreading out kids sleeping bags and hanging them up to get them to dry. They were going to their cars finding blankets or pillows or extra dry things that kids could use to sleep that night, because some of their pillows were literally sponges that had gotten soaked through and they were crying and upset. We coined the term no panic, no cry that night.
Speaker 1:I was telling the kids I'm like some of your stuff's wet, but guess what? No panic, no cry, we're going to fix it for you, we're helping. No panic. And they were laughing and it turned into this whole thing, but they were just ready for action. I didn't have to think of every solution and be like, okay, now, sarah, you wring out the pillows, now, owen, you get the blower. It was just like they made ministry easier because they're smart, they're empowered and they're doers and they are there to help.
Speaker 1:So I can deal with any monsoon or any bear or any snake or any sick kid or behavior issue, because we're an army together. It's not me and then a bunch of crybaby adults or difficult adults or dramatic adults or sour attitude adults. It's like there are so many things that we cannot foresee happening in ministry. Who is going to carry you through? If you have to pull your leader's weight, you're dead in the water, you know. But if you are all pulling the weight of the ministry together, you are going to be energized and you have a bright future because you'll be able to stay in as long as possible. So if you're like man, I wish my leaders would do that kind of stuff. Okay, well then, let me ask you a question have you empowered them to?
Speaker 1:To say I tell my team all the time, guess what? This is not like a pyramid of leadership, it's not like Kristen's at the top and she tells everybody what to do and you all answer to me I'm like no, no, no. I want you to picture us all with arms linked and we're charging a hill together so everyone participate. This is not the me show. I am not the most brilliant creative mind here. I need every creative mind. I need every good idea. I need every single person's participation. Don't wait for me to tell you Use your own gifts, abilities and brain power and let's do this together. And when we can get in that zone. I honestly believe and I tell them this all the time we're unstoppable. There's nothing we can't do. There's no problem we can't solve.
Speaker 2:Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough. Thank you, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:The next question to ask is Can I be my authentic self around them? So I think that's really important to be able, especially in ministry, to have permission to be a real person. I think sometimes people look at ministry leads and like, put you in some like pastor, untouchable category. Like, oh, they're the pastor, oh, they're very special, and it's like you almost have to act that out. You know, like, oh, I am very buttoned up and I'm very uh, you know, you, you're putting on this act because you feel like you can't be yourself around these people, because they're expecting you to be some role instead of some person, or a function instead of a human. And I find that exhausting. I can't keep that up. And so I love my team because I feel like I can be my genuine, authentic self around them, all my quirks, all my humor, all my personality things, my likes, my dislikes, and it's so. Again, it adds to the longevity because who can keep up an act for that long? And it creates permission for them to do the same.
Speaker 1:It's like we're all just people doing ministry, like we don't need to think higher or lower of ourselves, but like let's just be ourselves and create authentic bonds and ties based on that. And then this one I've had to learn the hard way, but I didn't come up with this necessarily in my own brain, but again, somebody taught this to me, much like the question of do I like them? Somebody taught me to think this way Are they a fan of me, this church and this ministry and the way we do things? Because there's nothing worse than having to constantly defend yourself to people who are not on board with your methods and your ministry and how you particularly do things. Like there was someone on my staff years and years and years and years ago and it was just so evident he was not a fan and it was hard.
Speaker 1:But I again I didn't know I had permission to excuse people like that. I was like, well, he's a good guy, you know he just he does what he's asked to do and we I can't ask him to step down. He didn't do anything wrong. And someone really challenged my thinking on that to say why would you keep someone who is not a fan of yours or your ministry or the way you do stuff, only keep your fans around. And I was like, oh yeah, it is kind of exhausting to have to like tiptoe around. Oh no, what are they thinking? Or oh, it's too loud for them. Or oh, they don't like this, or around oh no, what are they thinking?
Speaker 2:or oh, it's too loud for them, or oh, they don't like this, or sometimes they can be cancerous too, because they will start talking to other people being in their ear and like don't you hate how this, or shouldn't it be like this, right, and not that it's like your way or the highway kind of thing, but it's like that collective, we are in agreement. This is the direction we're going. And one person's whispering yeah, but blah, blah, blah. And yeah, this is no good.
Speaker 1:And yeah, it just starts tearing down, uh, the team from the inside and that's really toxic, and not that there's not room for disagreement, don't misunderstand me. It's not like but that should come to you.
Speaker 2:It shouldn't be put in the ear of all these other people, these side little conversations that you're unaware of, and then all of a sudden there's a mutiny or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I've never had that happen. This guy was not even close to that, but it was more just like I could tell it was a very judgmental posture, like of everything we did and kind of like keeping a watchful eye on us sort of thing. And it was just like hey, I just don't think this is the place for you, because I don't get the sense. You're totally a fan of how we do things. I'm open to feedback, of course like hey, why don't we do this instead of this? If somebody is coming to you with suggestions as the youth pastor, the worst thing you can do is shut them down. Suggestions are very different. Of like, oh, we can make it better. You can tell it's because they want to see things get better, instead of just this constant critical eye of like, well, did you see those kids and what they did? Or did you see that leader? Blah, blah, blah. And it's almost like this spirit of criticism versus a spirit of wanting things to be improved and better.
Speaker 1:You know and you can well, I can spot the difference, and I'm sure you can too. It's just a different feeling of like. Do you want us to succeed, right? Or are you just excited to walk around with your clipboard and pen and tell me all the things?
Speaker 2:kind of seem a little excited to find the things wrong, that shout and frown, whatever that german word of like you take joy and the discomfort or displeasure of others exactly sick sick thing sick.
Speaker 1:And then the reason this is so important and the reason we're talking about this at all kind of what we were, what I was going to get to in the beginning is this correlates to the overall chemistry of your youth ministry. So and the culture of the group. So, if the leaders are friends, if the leaders are fans of each other, the whole energy of the youth group is greatly impacted and that almost sets the tone. For, like, this is a place of friendship, of energy, of chemistry, of love of life together, and I feel like the students might not be able to put their finger on it, but it's something you can feel and observe at the same time, whereas if none of the leaders are excited to see each other and don't have any fun or banter or relationship or chemistry, I think the air and the youth ministry gets very stale and again, that's not to say like well, so only hire your best friends or recruit your best friends, but you can enjoy people from all different walks of life, all different stages of life, to get like that spectrum of life experience on your team. But whether it's like the 17 year old girl or boy that we have or the parents of teenager leaders that we have. I mean, I would hang out with all of them any day and be excited to see all of them. You know I have a different chemistry with each one, but at the end of the day, I'm excited to see every single one of them and I think they know that and that comes across.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, all this to say who you're doing ministry with is going to greatly impact. So, yeah, we've talked about. The first step is actually get a team, because I think one of the top reasons people burn out is because they are doing ministry alone. I mean, I can't imagine going through the hardest seasons of ministry again alone. I think I would have thrown in the towel, honestly, because sometimes it's like I'm not looking forward to any of you, I'm just looking forward to any of you, I'm just looking forward to my leaders.
Speaker 1:And they're what keep my head above water where it's like guys, we got to wait this class out. You know they are bad news and our ministry is like hurting right now, but at least we got each other, you know, and there's this honesty and commiseration where we can just be real like like dang, like this small group is rough, like when are they graduating? Like we got to get you through this, you know, and we can be real about like oh, this ministry right now, the kids are amazing and all this. So you like ride the victories together, you ride the low points together, but again, as long as you're together, I feel like you can withstand so much more. Hey, friend, I just wanted to interrupt this episode for a second to let you know about an awesome opportunity for you and your youth ministry. So last year we launched our course and coaching program called Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator and the response has been amazing. So we've helped tons of youth pastors grow the size and health of their youth ministry and we want to invite you to be a part of that as well, because maybe you're just sort of feeling stuck in a rut, maybe you don't know what to do next, maybe you just have a vague plan in your mind of what you're doing and you want some real help to get you from where you are to where you want to go. So if that sounds like something you've been looking for, go to growyouryouthministrycom and check it out for more details.
Speaker 1:All right, let's get back to the episode. So, again, it's not just about having a team. It's about having a team of people you really really like and that's why, when we do retreats and stuff, we have so much fun, because it's like this is like camp without the students. We got to just enjoy each other without having to work and we love our students and we love being around them. But our enjoyment of the ministry isn't contingent on where the kids good tonight or where the kids bad tonight. It's like, well, you have good nights and bad nights with the kids who who knows?
Speaker 1:But we have each other and that's a constant, because for the most part, your adult leaders should be constant and consistent and their behavior and how they treat you and each other. So at least you have that to anchor you because the kids can go up and down with they're hot, they're cold, their behavior, the drama, the parents, and it's like, oh, if our feeling of ministry changes every single day because, well, this week they were great, then nobody came, now this week it was good again and then all of a sudden a fight broke out, like I mean, that's a roller coaster, and after a while you just get emotionally drained. I feel like my leaders and their relationship with me have held me constant in my ministry to know, no matter what happens tonight, I might not like what I'm doing, but I like who I'm doing it with, and that is the key. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know who I'm doing it with, and so I'm good, you know. So that's that, jeff, you're staring at me weirdly.
Speaker 2:That's Kristen's final thought of the day.
Speaker 1:You just are looking at me like I look weird all the time. You didn't look weird, you just looked inquisitive.
Speaker 2:I don't know what to tell you. Make sure you check out the episode we did I've mentioned it multiple times on this podcast but the one we did about how to recruit the right volunteers for your youth ministry. It's kind of everything we were talking about, but how to specifically seek out those people and then also the two episodes we just did. That's three episodes. If you have the time to do it, go for it, but let's do a community comment of the day. This comes from Pastor Adam7476, who says Adam 7476, who says more great pearls of wisdom. I'm a bivocational youth pastor and Thursdays happen to be my day in the office, with our youth group meeting in the evening. I look forward to catching the latest video every Thursday.
Speaker 1:Wow, that would be like so fresh in your mind and then your meeting and youth group happens. So it's like an implement and go. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2:Thanks, pastor Adam, appreciate that. And thank you guys for watching and listening and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 1:Today we're going to be talking about. Who you do ministry with is just as important as the ministry you do. That's what we're talking about today. There are so many ups and downs in youth ministry. That's why who you do, or like you look like you're about to fall asleep Is this episode like super boring.