Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

5 Popular Youth Ministry Myths You Need to STOP Believing!

• Kristen Lascola • Episode 263

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Now is the time to grow a healthy, thriving youth ministry...if you'd like to work with us, check out GrowYourYouthMinistry.com *** If you've been in youth ministry for more than a minute, I'm sure someone has told you at least a couple of these 5 youth ministry myths which are simply not true.  In this episode, we dig into five stubborn youth ministry myths and replace them with field-tested strategies that actually move the needle.  

If this episode equips you or challenges a myth you’ve carried or heard about student ministry, share it with a fellow youth pastor, subscribe for weekly tactics, and leave a review so more youth leaders can find the show. Your feedback helps us serve you better and keeps this youth ministry community growing.

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You may also enjoy these episodes:

(#200) Are You Busy or Burning Out? Youth Ministry Tips

(#093) Youth Pastor Self-Care: Making Time for Yourself & Avoiding Burn Out

(#004) Compassion Fatigue vs. Burnout - How to Avoid Both!!

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SPEAKER_01:

Today we're talking about five youth ministry myths that you need to stop believing.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast-track the growth and health of your youth ministry. My name is Jeff Lascola, and this is Kristen Lascola.

SPEAKER_01:

And today we are talking about five youth ministry myths that you need to stop believing. Number one was my pet peeve when I was a young youth pastor, and I would research help like games or topics or divos or lessons. And there are some people that think like games and lessons have to always go together. That's our first myth is that games need to somehow be tied to a message. If that's your A game and you are the mastercrafter of incredible games that seamlessly go into a message, that's great. I think that is a really hard thing to nail without making it look forced. And like we tried to really stretch a meaning out of this. And here's why I never liked that. And I think it is a myth is because fun has inherent value. And I think when we try to squeeze an object lesson out of every game, we're saying fun doesn't have any inherent value unless it's tied to some greater purpose. I would argue fun is the greater purpose. And what it accomplishes for your youth ministry is value in and of itself to not need a tag, right? Um, it's so crazy. This kind of goes along with games, but we had our all-over nighter this weekend. So if my voice is a little hoarse, that's probably why. And there was this boy who came who has been coming on the weekends and Tuesdays, but he's never been to a camp. He's never been to an event. And he's homeschooled. And so, like, I think his social circle is smaller because he's not in sports or anything. So he's great. We love him. He came to the event. And here's what is nuts. Just after attending that event with us, he was having the time of his life, by the way. Um, I checked in with him many times throughout the night. When I watched him come to church on Sunday, he worshipped different. And it was crazy. Just because he had had fun with us, walls broken down. Yes, he felt comfortable, he felt confident, he felt like he could be himself, express the way he wanted to. And I never had seen, and like you could argue that like literally the all-overnighter, other than fellowship, camaraderie, fun, energy. It didn't have a lesson or worship or anything like that. Although the girls were like begging me, can you set the alarm for 6 30 so that we can have a worship session before our parents pick us up? I'm like, uh, well, uh, no, please, please. We love it. We love worship.

SPEAKER_00:

How about just silent prayer? I'm like, let's do that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, guys, you're not gonna feel that way in the morning.

SPEAKER_00:

I promise you. Going to bed at what, two something in the morning?

SPEAKER_01:

The last time I saw on my phone was 2 45.

SPEAKER_00:

It was like the all right, guys, lights out.

SPEAKER_01:

I turned the lights off around 2 30. I think I closed my eyes at 2 45, maybe. I put in headphones. I'm like, I'm not fighting with you guys, you know. So I went to sleep. I got like four hours, not bad for an all-overnighter. All that to say, this boy was like worshipping, like I had never seen him before, and I could feel from him his confidence and that comfortability. And I and I have to believe it was because it was right after this event. Yeah, you had just spent 12 hours, 14 hours with us and gone to all these events and spent the night and like had connections with people, and that's really what fun accomplishes for your youth administry. So just so you know, you're not wasting time when you are just having fun with kids. It's a human need. You don't have to feel pressure. Well, if we play a game, I have to somehow find a meaning in it. The meaning is relationship.

SPEAKER_00:

Cool. I feel like, yeah, like kind of like you're saying, don't you don't need to go out of your way because it's not like what a missed opportunity that we didn't tie in miniature golf with you know the Holy Spirit somehow.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like that would be a fun youth pastor challenge. Like bumper boats, find a sermon, go. It's like okay. Um Jesus walking on water during the storm.

SPEAKER_00:

There you go. For those of you that are like dead set on doing it, just go to AI and you know, put Chat GPT and say, Can you tie in this message with dodgeball? And it'll spit out 10 answers. And there you go. And you pick the best one. I mean, I yeah, I just feel like if you really want to tie it in, there's there you go, right there.

SPEAKER_01:

But and I feel like that could be the exception, not the rule. You know what I mean? Like I feel like formulate an incredible game. And if the Holy Spirit works in it and it happens to fall perfectly with some metaphor in your message, go for it. But that's probably gonna be an exception, not a rule. Like, oh, two times a year it lined up and it made sense without it feeling like you know, when parents like they say, a parenting tip is to never turn everything with your child into a teachable moment because they stop listening and it's like you're boring, you know? It's it's a similar vibe there. Okay, so number two, another myth is that youth ministry is a stepping stone, and that youth ministry is not real ministry, and youth ministry is kind of a waiting room until you have enough skills and experience to do adult ministry because adult ministry is somehow the real stuff, which I do not buy at all. In fact, I am going to the DYM conference. I'm doing a breakout next week. So if you're going, come say hi. Um, and last year when I spoke at the DYM conference, I got a gift from Doug and Josh. So Josh Griffin and Doug Fields, you know, are the amazing brains, personalities, and hearts behind the DYM conference. And they are youth pastors. So much so they made these mugs that say, that say not senior pastor material. And I love it, and it's the cutest mug ever. I'll just set it right there. Thank you, Doug and Josh. And they are making this their lifelong calling. I mean, they're not aging out of this, and it is real ministry. Yeah, they have some other responsibilities in the church, especially, you know, Doug Fields doing like their marriage ministry now and stuff like that, but they still work with students. I mean, for Doug, it's been like 40 years. Like, if it's a calling, it can be a calling. And I think sometimes there's shame attached. Like, I've heard people talk about people that have been in youth ministry for a long time, kind of behind their back and say, I can't believe he's blah blah whatever, fill in the blank age and still doing youth ministry, like failure to launch. And I hate that mentality. And I think we've all been there at some point, but why can't your original call be your life call? Why not? Is it always? No, like you could move into a different area of ministry if you're following the voice of God, go for it. But if you don't feel the voice of God moving you out of it and you're turning 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 120, and you are still effective, go for it. I work with youth pastors of all different ages from 20s to 60s, and they're all effective. And so it's really we can't put an expiration date on youth ministry unless God calls us out.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's when it's time to go, not because you had a certain birthday, right? You know, because that is you now deciding your call expired. If you don't feel relevant anymore or effective or joyful or passionate and you can't really get there anymore, and you sense it's time to move on, by all means. But if you still love it and are passionate and are effective and connecting with students, why would you take that gift and run with it somewhere else? It makes no sense. So Barna's done some research. Um, and here's why this is just the case I want to make for how important youth ministry is and why we actually need pros here. You know, it's fine to be young in youth ministry also, but as you get older, you become a pro. You understand your relationship with Jesus better, you understand the gospel better, you understand teenagers better, and you have a lot more to bring to the table the further you go. So don't like pull the eject too soon because we need pros. So, Barna, I think this is actually a 2024 survey research. It says that 64 to 68 percent of born again, born again Christians say they made a commitment to Christ before their 18th birthday. That does not surprise me. I have heard research like that for years. I just wanted to get the most updated statistics. Another research company said that roughly 43% accepted Christ before age 13. This is like why youth ministry is so important because this is where people make that first-time decision and where we start to teach them to be the disciples for their life. And then, you know, obviously they move into adult ministry and it's different, but this is where a lot of decisions are being made because we know students are forming their identity, and so it would make sense that they're also forming a spiritual or religious identity, and I, for one, want to be there for it, I want to be a part of that, like preaching the gospel to people who are hungry and ready to make decisions. Like, why would we think this is some subpar version of pastoral ministry? So people obviously do make decisions into adulthood and stuff like that. Another survey in 2024 said the average evangelical adult adult reports they came to faith around age 15. So that's kind of like the sweet spot, right? Like that before 18, somewhere between 13 to 15. It's like this breeding ground for faith, like uh decisions and excitement in their faith. So all I'm saying is don't somehow look down on children or look down on youth. I have a youth, well, he's a young adult pastor, but he was talking to me about how he used to be a children's pastor, and he kept thinking, like, God, I can't wait till you move me out to do like big time ministry, like big stuff, big stuff. And he said, and God like sucker punched him so hard of like, so what are you saying about my children? Like, are they less valuable? Are they not real? Are you not gonna bring your best to the table because you're waiting for your big break to feed your own ego? Or can you do the assignment that I gave you? Because, like, we know that Jesus loves children, you know, and so there is no hierarchy here of importance, even among junior high and high schools. Sometimes I feel like everyone thinks, oh, high schools.

SPEAKER_00:

Or junior high, high school to college. Right. Like that hierarchy that's a good idea. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's just all very different, and you become an expert in your field, but it's not like one is better or harder or whatever. It's just they are different, right? Okay. Next myth is parents don't understand youth ministry, and parents are a roadblock to youth ministry.

SPEAKER_00:

Q, the Will Smith song.

SPEAKER_01:

Which one?

SPEAKER_00:

Parents just don't understand. Oh. Oh my gosh. I thought that's why you wrote it that way. Are you serious?

SPEAKER_01:

No, the only Will Smith song I know is The Fresh Prince of No. He had two hits. Well, sorry, Will. Oh, I know more Will Smith songs. Oh, sure you do. I was just thinking of his old stuff. Yeah, like Wild, Wild West, Miami.

SPEAKER_00:

Hit machine. Parents just don't understand.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

All that to say.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I have been in so many rooms with youth pastors where we just talk talk amongst talk amongst yourselves. Yes. And so often I feel like youth pastors low-key hate on parents. Like it's always kind of said with an eye roll or something. And I'm like, I maybe I'm built different or something. I've always had fairly positive experiences across the board with parents. Of course, when you do it for 21 years, you get a few grenades thrown in there, and nothing, it's not like a that's any job. Any job, right? But I feel like instead of look like I think it's a myth that parents are somehow our nemesis and they just don't understand these kids, you know. And that it I don't know, it's it's not so extreme, but sometimes it does feel like a little us versus them sort of thing. Like, hey, like, yeah, you're right. Your parents don't get it, but I get it, you know. Like we're trying to like be.

SPEAKER_00:

Sounds creepy.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what I mean though? Like, I understand you. Like, I'm cool, don't worry. Parents aren't cool. And it it's not true. So, parents, when you hone into those relationships, they can like be your best like five-star Yelp reviewers, right? Because they talk to other parents and they will support you and encourage you. Like they cheer you on, they want you to succeed if you include them, if you respect them, if you communicate with them, if you value them. They aren't against you. They know it takes a village to raise their children and they love having responsible, significant, godly adults in their kids' lives. And so don't treat them at arm's length like, oh, this parent wants to help. Oh my gosh. So that could be one of the best leaders you ever have. What are they good at? Do they want to do security? Do they want to be your medic? Do they want to be a driver? Are they the type of person that can be an incredible small group leader? A lot of churches, like youth groups, will serve dinner before their youth group. Are they your meal crew? Like, let them let them in and watch them like bring their A game to the table because parents have resources. Like, some parents have time that they want to invest in their children's activities. And, you know, if you open your heart and the door to them, it could be such a win for you. And like they they will be some of your biggest encouragers if you will let them, you know. So don't treat them kind of like uh keep them at an arm's length, let them in. It always I shouldn't say always, it usually goes very well.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And if we're being really honest here, they kind of pay your salary. They do. I mean, it's not the kids. That's true.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Our senior pastor always reminds us when you're dealing with parents, remember your paycheck comes from tithes.

SPEAKER_00:

So before you not saying that's why the only reason why you would, you're not working for tips or anything, but No, but the level of respect, you know, when you think about you don't want to call them back.

SPEAKER_01:

He always reminds us you have 24 hours out of respect to these people or to return a phone call or a phone call, an email, a text message. He's like, leaving parents hanging, you know, is like a death sentence in youth ministry, like so disrespectful. These usually are the people who are tithing your paycheck.

SPEAKER_00:

So if you're paid, I know not everyone is, but yeah, if you're not getting paid, then you know, parents, whatever.

SPEAKER_01:

And say that. Say you aren't paying me. I don't have to respond.

SPEAKER_00:

You're not the boss of me.

SPEAKER_01:

So that's one communication tip. The other one. Now, if you'd like to send me a Venmo, I'd be happy to return your new call. Yeah. Until then. Zill it. Cancel. So stay stay tuned for more communication tips.

SPEAKER_00:

On the next episode, the Ministry Coach Podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Number four. Messages have to go to short format to accommodate for shrinking attention spans. I think that's a myth. I hear that circulated in the youth ministry rumor mill. You know, it's like people's attention spans are like smaller than a goldfish. It's like goldfish is nine seconds, humans are seven. It's like, it's not true. Okay. It's just not. I looked. There is no research to support any of that. Attention spans are changing. They're not shrinking. So here's a question. It's not a matter, matter of can I engage you? It's how do I engage you? And our senior. That's what I mean. Because our senior pastors, like, by the way, binge watching Netflix isn't going anywhere, and movies aren't going anywhere. Those are long format entertainment. It's not like, oh well, I'm leaving like the new Spider-Man movie after seven seconds because I can't. No, it's because I don't even know why I'm here. It's because you're boring, you know? And he always says the Bible's not boring. It's taught by boring people. So if we are failing to engage our audience in the right ways, then yes, we can lose them. But I'm not trying to toot my own horn. I preach a lot of messages that are boring. Right. Today I preached 25, 30 minutes and full engagement the entire time. It was the method, you know, it's explaining things, involving the audience for participation, illustrating things, bringing in different visuals. Like it's not like you have to be like do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, like it's not a circus of a sermon, but you're engaging their heart and mind and their opinion, like in all these different ways to get them leaned in and listening. And uh, you cut to the heart. Like, I love the Tim Keller stuff. His sermons are so long, but he always gets you, you know? And it's like, why is this relevant for me? That's what every listener wants to know. Why does this matter for me? What question does this answer for me? What does the Bible answer for me in my 13-year-old life right now? And if we can help students understand that, then they will engage with their full heart and their full mind. Yeah, sometimes we preach a flop. We do. Like not every message is gonna go, you know, home run. But I want youth pastors to know that it is possible to engage longer than a seven-minute sermon and that sometimes we just need to know what are the best communication methods. We should always be sharpening ourselves as communicators. Am I teaching in a way that fully engages my audience? And if not, why not? And how can I improve? Maybe you need to bring in illustrations that make sense to them. Maybe you need to do more than just tell a funny story and have a couple of verses attached to it. Maybe you need to involve your audience in a different way. Maybe there needs to be something tangible that they can interact with or see. Maybe there needs to be a speaker change. Like I showed some kind of clip. Like I teach a Bible study to our daughter and her friend, and I always, you know, bring out the laptop and I find a clip of whether it's the Bible project or the chosen or something like saddleback kids or something on YouTube to illustrate the point. And the second I bring out the laptop, they're like, Yes! Like they get so excited. But then we discuss and talk, and then they do a workbook. And sometimes I like have them write things down. I heard a youth pastor the other day, he said I pair them up and have them walk and discuss certain points. And there's studies that literally walk. Yeah, like they have huge property at their church. And he said, I have a smaller youth ministry, so everyone gets a partner and then they talk about these things because studies show when you're facing not facing eye to eye, but facing a certain direction and walking or using some kind of physical skill, especially for boys, they can open up more rather than face to face. And he says, The kids love it. Like, how creative are you? That's amazing. So that's the bottom line. We have to be creative in our communication. But students are watching Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube for hours. They can sit. So we just have to be good at engagement. So don't buy into, oh, my sermons have to be five minutes because nobody can focus anymore. They totally can. Okay, and then number five, youth pastors have short career lifespans. And that's what we were kind of talking about earlier about, you know, people feel like that that youth ministry is a stepping stone. But it is actually a myth that youth pastors have short career lifespans. The statistic we've thrown out for years that is now completely 18 months. Yep. That one's gone. It's not true anymore, which is really cool. Seven seconds. Not as long as a goldfish's career. Yeah. So here's what the the new studies are showing is that it's about five and a half years or just when you're getting going. Well, and it's not over. So, but that's just like at one church. So they say somewhere between three and five and a half years at one church.

SPEAKER_00:

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01:

But then seven to nine years in youth ministry overall. Is the average? Yeah. Wow. So it's like, but that's just saying, okay, they jumped churches after maybe three to five years, but then they went to another church and then they stayed there another, let's say, four to five years, and they stayed in ministry. Like now it's like seven to nine years. Only 12% make it to the 10-year mark and beyond. So the good news is people are staying in it a lot longer. How do we account for that? I don't know. Maybe we're getting paid better. Maybe we are having more resources, like the Ministry Coach podcast. Who knows? Maybe we are trained better. I don't know. I feel like Christianity is really having a cultural revival. Maybe that's why. At the same time, I feel like it's one of the hardest cultures I've ever been into be in ministry. Lots of trigger warnings all the time for everything. So it's a myth that we've only lasted 18 months. So if you're kind of like wondering how long am I supposed to do this, I mean, just know there's people who are staying in this for years and years and years. This might not be just like a quick season of your life. This could actually be a lifelong calling if it's sustainable, you know, financially and your passions and all of that. But um, the longer you do it, the better you probably will become. And one thing to remember, I've probably shared this before. Our senior pastor, Chris Brown, says a lot of the youth pastors he hires after like six months, nine months, a year on the job, will be like, Hey, give me feedback. How am I doing? How am I doing? He's like, I don't know. How could I possibly know until you've been here five years? Your first five years in ministry, you're just getting started. I have no clue what kind of fruit is coming out of your ministry because you haven't even graduated a class yet. So until you've graduated a full class and been on staff here for about five years, I'll know what kind of youth pastor you are. Before that, hard to tell.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm like, dang, because when we were seeing that 18-month rotation, it's like you are still green, brand new. How could you? I mean, that's nothing. So your first five years, it's like, all right. And I love how Doug and Josh call it your first decade in youth ministry conference because that's saying, like, relax, stay a while, get comfortable. You're gonna be here a while. So just, you know, settle it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's the hope, at least. Yeah, and for those of you, because burnout is a real thing, and we've actually done a couple episodes on that. If that's anything that you are seeing yourself maybe heading towards or just afraid of, or wanting to know how to avoid it altogether, make sure you check out those episodes. We'll link them in the description below. All right, this is a community comment of the day. This comes from Elizabeth Reed, and this again comes from our uh worship night episode. Says, love the suggestions for worship night. I'm currently serving at my home church, which has a small youth group, average of eight to ten teens, and currently are not doing praise and worship music during our midweek service, but I have been thinking about ways to start it up. I think this will be helpful to kick it off with a worship night. Woo! Yeah, that's a great idea to uh kick things off and introduce that into your youth group. And it's been a couple months now, I think, since you wrote that. So let us know how that's been going for you.

SPEAKER_01:

A lot of people really resonated and loved that episode. They were really like dialed into it. So I'm excited. I've been talking about it for a while. Ours is coming up in a couple weeks, and the kids are so excited. And what we did is, and I didn't talk about this on the video, so I'm glad it came up or on that episode, was we're pairing it with a worship series on the weekends. So, like today at church, I spoke on the word yada, like the Hebrew word for like praise with your hands lifted. So we're taking all these different, like we always just say praise and worship. Yeah. But the Bible has seven different words for it. So every week we're going through one of the seven words to teach the students a different aspect and lens through which to look at worship instead of just like the word worship. Well, let's get a little bit below the surface. And then it'll kind of culminate in this worship night where they can kind of put it all into practice, like the stirring that they've been feeling and like what they've been learning. And so we're hoping it will just really enhance their worship experience and their ability to engage with the Lord. So anytime you plan an event like that, whether it's like a serving event or a student leadership or like we did the worship night, if you can easily pair it with your sermon series to kind of double down on the meaning behind it all. But what about the game? Yeah. I know. I wasn't just saying, like, I was just thinking that like full circle.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01:

No, delete. Um, but it just gives them, then you've learned about it and now you can put it into practice. I learned a ton about serving and now I have an opportunity. Yeah. I've learned a ton about worship and now I have an opportunity. I've learned a ton about leadership, now I have an opportunity. So giving putting students in a place where they can respond, like creating that environment instead of saying, so this week go out and find a way to worship, but actually put them in that environment. Yeah. Together, we're gonna do it. And I've had really good results with pairing sermons with a like uh some kind of event, you know. I love that, but not like the Glover Knighter or something like that. I mean like these calls to action kind of.

SPEAKER_00:

The reason we're doing This tonight. Well, thank you, Elizabeth. Really appreciate your comment. And thank you guys for watching and listening. I can hear Kristen's stomach growling, so it means it's time to go. No. Yes. Thank you for watching and listening. We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_01:

And today we are talking about five youth ministry tips that sorry, miss.

SPEAKER_00:

Can't when they go out, can't there's today.

SPEAKER_01:

We're talking about 10 Bible study tools to help with your youth ministry step.