5 Ways to Connect With Your Students in Youth Ministry

The time to grow a healthy, thriving youth ministry is NOW...let's work together! Make sure to check out GrowYourYouthMinistry.com *** If you’ve ever looked at your youth group and just felt disconnected from your students, this episode is for you. In this episode, we get very practical about how to connect with students in youth ministry, especially when you’re new, you’re rebuilding relationships after graduation season, or you’re trying to reach the quiet teen who keeps coming and going to youth group, unnoticed.

If you lead students as a youth pastor, director, intern, or volunteer small group leader, hit play, take notes, and try some of these ideas this week. If you received value out of this episode, be sure to subscribe, share this with another youth leader or your team, and leave a review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️!

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You may also enjoy these episodes:

(#215) How to Connect With Introverted Students in Your Youth Ministry

(#115) 6 Easy Ways to Connect With Your Students Outside of Youth Ministry

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We love hearing from you all and we do our best to provide powerful and insightful youth ministry content on a weekly basis to be that coach and mentor you may not have, but desperately need.
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Transcript

Encouragement That Students Remember

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Creating moments with students, taking every opportunity, whether it's part of the discussion, part of the small group, part of the message, part of the game, something you notice in them, just encouragement is so lacking. And how refreshing to have somebody who they look up to to say, here's what I see in you, here's why you're awesome, like here's an encouragement. They'll probably remember that forever. Today we're talking about five ways to help you connect with the students in your youth ministry.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast-track the growth and health of your youth ministry. My name is Jeff Lascola, and this is Kristen Lascola.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

I can't. We got the little tip right before action. Try not to laugh.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

I said, Are you ready?

SPEAKER_01 0:58

And I said, Yeah, of course I'm ready. I'm sitting here looking at the camera. What would I how could I not be ready?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

So I started, and apparently you weren't ready. I was. Okay.

Be Their Biggest Fan

SPEAKER_01 1:07

You were making me laugh. All right. So today we are talking about best practices for how to connect with students. And, you know, if you're a youth minister, you're probably pretty good at connecting with students, but maybe not. I've had some youth pastors just feel like they love students, but they're just maybe hitting a wall with like the interpersonal connections. And um, these are just, let's see, one, two, three, four, five things that I found are sort of the tried and true. I don't want to call them methods because that feels so forced. Here's a method for how to human better. Like, but it's just maybe strengths to lean into a little bit more. I'm sure you're already very good at these things, but maybe you're having a difficult time with a particular student. You're just having a hard time making a breakthrough with them, or maybe you're at a new church and you're just fresh out of the gate with all of these relationships and you're trying to build them. Um, so this will be helpful for those circumstances. And maybe you've been a youth pastor or a youth worker or volunteer, whatever you are, for a really long time. I think this will be helpful too to sharpen your skills because you'll get new students, you know, and sometimes it feels like you're starting over again, like your eighth graders graduate or your 12th graders graduate, and in comes new classes, and you have to reconnect all the time. So, number one, a great way to connect with students. This should be obvious. Be their biggest fan. I always want to sing that Lady Gaga song, the paparazzi. I'm your biggest fan. Yeah. Okay, so be their biggest fan. I'm your biggest fan. So yeah, it's like this idea, like just and it again, it's not forced. It's just bringing out maybe a little more visibly what you're feeling on the inside. But when somebody comes in the room and you light up because you're excited to see them, that's like the moth to a flame thing of like the brightness is just irresistible. Like everyone wants to feel like their presence mattered, like the here I am. And maybe, you know, I think we've talked about a couple of times on this podcast, like really asking yourself, are you a here I am or there you are kind of person? And I try to teach that to my student leadership team to be more of a there you are kind of person. It doesn't come naturally to junior hires, but I find it doesn't come naturally to all adults either. You know, sometimes they kind of wait for people to come to them. And it's like, well, if you come to me, you know, I'll engage with you. But kind of being like that person that seeks after others lights up when they walk in the room. So pretend you walk in the room.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Jeff, oh my gosh. So good to see you. I just walked in the room. See what I did there? I used his name and I was excited. And I looked at him, right? And you lit up in the eyes. And I lit up. So, how did you feel, Jeff, with that experiment? That there you have it, folks. Proof.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Proof. Case study, sign, sealed, delivered.

Names Nicknames And Invisible Kids

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Thanks for watching and listening, and we'll see you next time. And you know, using their name. Um, do you want to hear an embarrassing story?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I was gonna say, do you want me to hear you use your name?

SPEAKER_01 4:33

So pretend, pretend your name is Brandon. Come in the room. Brandon! See what I did there? No, this is an embarrassing story. So uh last night I was teaching at our Saturday night service, and I was asking for volunteers, like, who wants to help me read? And I was assigning verses and stuff, and this newer kid raised his hand, and I was like, Yes, he's participating, and I was so happy. And I'm like, all right, we're we're getting somewhere. And I'm like, all right, Malachi, why don't you read verses nine through 11? And Taylor, you read this, and everyone's just like looking around, and he didn't start reading. Then I just go, or I'll read fine. And I read verses nine through eleven. And as I was reading, I'm like, oh, his name's not Malachi. Okay, okay, okay. And so I'm like, just keep going. He looks like Malachi. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Like of all names.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

I think maybe I know someone who looks like him named Malachi. Anyways, and then I got done with my verses, and all the kids are like, Who's Malachi? And then he like looks up and I'm like, I thought your name was Malachi. He goes, Oh, it's Eli. I'm like, Well, yeah, Malacheli is what I thought. So, anyways, I was embarrassed, and everyone made fun of me for hours and hours and hours afterwards. So um, use their correct name, just don't use any old name. Any old name won't do. You gotta use the right one. Uh pro tip week.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Put a star next to that one.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Yeah, and sometimes, you know, if you have a lot of students, learning their names can be hard, but calling students by their name, here's what someone taught me a long time ago is students don't have a whole lot of possessions that are theirs. It's mostly like things that they've acquired through the effort of their parents or something like that. And they say that the like a name is their greatest possession. And I get found out on this all the time. Like, I'll be like, Hi, Eva, hi Chloe, hi, hey, and they're like, You don't know my name, do you? And I'm like, Yes, I do. Yes, I do. What is it? Malachi, yeah, just go with that. If you it's a good blanket, you know, name just feel very prophetic, so but kind of minor. Minor prophet, yeah. Um, so like using their name, that is like assigning so much value to them when the pastor remembers their name, knows who they are, uses their name, is excited to see them, lights up. Like, make I just try to make a really big deal about anybody who walks in the door. Hi five, fist bump, I am so happy you're here. And then I'll say, How are you? And I'm like, Better now that you're here, I'm so happy you're here. And it's genuine. I am happy they're there. And I think most youth pastors are, I think just sometimes people forget to show what they're feeling on the inside on the outside. And that's like the whole point of this is like you might be feeling, oh, I'm so glad Malachi's here, you know, and but you just might not have the like you're not showing it in a way that people are feeling your excitement. So it's just being more aware.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I think nicknames are always good too, you know, because sometimes it might help you if you don't know someone's name. True, not just like changing it every single time you see them, but and and also not if it's something that's kind of like mocking them in any way, but if there kind of helps you remember them based off of we had that one kid, the senator, we always call him the senator.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

And you know, it's nothing show. Yeah, but just yeah, it's stuck, and then other people started calling him that too.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Yeah, it's always endearing and it like makes you feel like, oh, they know me here, you know. And lately, I feel like one thing that's really been on my heart is the invisible kids, you know. Like we have some really confident kids that are like, Kristen, you know, and they're so happy to see me, and they're like, high five, want to hang out, like want to tell me everything. But then there's like these kids that just sort of like float by like a ghost, you know, and they don't really say anything, they don't engage the leaders. And I feel like this season, this year, God has like really put the invisible kid on my heart because I bet you I would have been one of those. I wasn't like the kid who was gonna go up to the leaders and like be all chummy with them. I would probably just sort of fade into the background and the louder, more confident kids-I know hard to believe. I was not loud, I was not confident. I was sort of just, you know, could fade into the background very easily. But if a leader were to go out of their way, like Kristen, I mean, I think I would have lit up like, oh, you see me? Oh, I matter. I didn't expect them to. I just thought popular kids know leaders and adult, you know, but I'm just one of the others. And, you know, sometimes you kind of have to bring a kid in of like, no, we see you as well. And so just don't let those like kids slip through the cracks. Um, and there's just something our senior pastor told us like, just as the face of the ministry, as the head of the ministry, don't underestimate the value. It's like the person on stage knew me, you know, and that feels like so like barf. Like, who cares? Like, but it does mean something. I mean, barf on my end to be like, I'm on stage and I know you, isn't that cool? Don't you feel like really valued? But it's just like this human nature thing of like the person with the microphone, the person up on stage, the person in charge, when they come down and they know your name and talk to you and have an interest in you. The value is huge, like the way that it makes you feel.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

One time our canvas pastor saw me in the audience. He was saying something about pies, and then he goes, Jeff knows a lot about pies. And I was like, What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:45

But did you feel valuable?

SPEAKER_00 10:47

I felt valuable and very self-conscious at that moment.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

This guy knows his way around a dessert table. I'm like, uh yeah, come talk to me later, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

What does that mean? But yeah, like sometimes when you get pulled. Did you ever ask him? No, I need to. He probably doesn't even remember it was months and months ago, but yeah, really put me on this in the spot and I didn't know what to do with that.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Sounds traumatic.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Yeah, kinda.

Take Care Of Them

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Okay. Number two, take care of them. So how to connect with students by taking care of them. You know, like when a kid gets injured, or you're at a camp and a kid is homesick, or um, they're upset or sick or in a fight with their friend and they're, you know, having a hard time, like putting yourself in the position of if I were their parent, or if this was my child, how would I want someone to treat them? We talked about that a little bit on our last episode. And that is such a cool opportunity to connect with a student, and it sort of bonds you for life. Like two years ago at our summer camp, I had this precious angel of a seventh grader, or maybe he was in sixth grade at the time, and he was so homesick. Like, I had never seen a kid this homesick before. Like, he could not not cry. He was just wandering around camp, his eyes were red, he was bawling all the time. I want my mom, I want my mom, I want my mom. And I was like, Okay, Kristen, like you've gotta help him. And I would just like hug him and he would put his little head on my shoulder and just like sob. And I was like trying to talk to him. I'm like, hey, buddy, like, you know, the hard thing is, is you're you're not where she is, but there's no way we can get to her. So we have to take that off the table. What did I say?

SPEAKER_00 12:47

You are in the middle of nowhere, no one could hear you. 3,000 miles from her. Give it up, suck it up, buttercup.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

I said, you know, but your heart, guy, what did I tell about?

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Yes, go on. Was really good. You know, she may not even be alive. We don't know what she's doing, so forget about her.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Here's the truth: God gives you what you need when you need it, not when you don't. And I don't need it right now. But in that moment, groundbreaking.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Sure hope so.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

So, anyways, he's way better now. Also, now that he's home, he's been home for two years. It's been great. No, but honestly, ever since then, like we have had this bond. Like, shut up.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

You're the leader who scared the heck out of me.

Listen With Full Attention

Play The Games With Them

Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator

Encourage What You See In Them

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Scared me straight. What are you talking about? And did not scare him. It was beautiful, it was poetic, it was moving, whatever I said. You know, and it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me. That's why I don't remember because the Holy Spirit activated in that moment with this little angel, and that's all I know. But now he's like in eighth grade, and we still have a bond. Like every time I see him, like we just bonded over, like I was able to be there in one of his like darkest moments, honestly. Like, I've never seen a kid this upset about wanting, and it was true. Like, I can't get you home, like, we're way too far away. And it was just so hard. Stop! I can feel your smirk, and being patient with them, you know, like taking care of students. Obviously, if they have an injury or they need help with something, but like also showing them that patience, I feel like really bonds them. I'm not like so let's move on to number three. Okay, let's you're just not mature enough to handle this, okay? And then showing a genuine interest in your students, like here, man. I don't know if we've talked about this before, but the art of listening is lost. Like, nobody can listen without looking visibly pained and bored. I see it all the time. So maybe I'm just a boring person. But when when people do the talking, they're like animated, lit up, like whatever. When they have to do the listening, they're so zoned out. And so giving like a student an active listening experience is such a good way to connect with them, showing an authentic interest in them and who they are and what they do, giving them your undivided attention because even if they have fantastic parents, I know this from experience. Parents cannot give their kids undivided attention. They have a lot going on and multiple children. Everyone's vying for the spotlight. And for a small group leader, a pastor, someone in youth ministry to just give a child undivided, focused attention. And like, I don't know about your students, my kids love them some attention. And so it's just being able to lean into what do they want to talk about? What are they into right now? What do they, you know, it's just not interrupting them, but letting them go is such a great way to bond and for them to feel that you do value them. That is definitely a student's love language, is being listened to, focused on being um the sole focus of an adult's attention is a huge thing. And it's so rare because you know, they don't get it from their teachers, like have a million kids in their class, and then, you know, their parents have probably more than one kid, most likely. It's just like, where can they go for that focused attention? I hope it's to us, you know, and it really does create a connection. This is my a game right here, laugh and play with kids. I feel like youth pastors sometimes take this like excuse to not play the game, and they're like, oh, this is the game time. I'm gonna let the kids do it. And I feel like, what amiss. Like, show them your fun side, get in there with them. They love when the adults play and participate with them, compete against them, um, joke around with your students, be careful, you know, of sarcasm and hurt feelings and all of that. Know your audience very well. Uh, jokes can sometimes not land. Well, I've learned that the hard way. I'm sure you're not surprised. And just overall being fun and lighthearted. I love what our pastor Chris Brown says. He says, we take God's word seriously, but not ourselves seriously. And I think it's just kind of a thing where it's when you walk into a room and nobody's taking themselves seriously, it just creates an atmosphere of I can relax, you know, like these people don't care. Like, I'm not trying to look cool. The cool kids aren't trying to look cool. You know, we sort of train our SOS kids for that, like our student leadership kids of like, you guys are gonna play the game, even if you feel silly, like who cares? You have to show people that having fun is for cool kids and for non-cool kids, which would have been me. Okay. Um, so like participate in your own ministry. Don't like, well, I'm the pastor, so I'm gonna back off of the fun piece, but full, like we said a few episodes ago, one of our mantras is full engagement, full engagement. I try to participate in every single part of my ministry. If it's worship, I'm doing hand motions, jumping around. If it's Bible drills, I'm trying to beat the kids and be the fastest person. If it's a game, I'm playing full out trying to win. Uh, if it's an event, you know, I I don't know if I can really jump on a trampoline anymore. I might hurt my knee. But other than that, I did laser tag, I do all the things, go-karts, you know, I just want them to see like me fully participating. And I want to, honestly, but I know not every youth pastor does. I feel like sometimes adults start slowing down and they kind of back off of all of that and let that be the kid thing. But I encourage you to see that as a bridge of connection, is the participation aspect. Hey, quick question for you. Have you ever felt like you are working really hard in your youth ministry every week, but you don't know what the next step is or how to grow your youth ministry? Well, you are not alone. And that is exactly why we created our course and coaching program called Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator. Inside the program, we're gonna walk you step by step through strategies, systems, leadership principles that help ministries grow, both in size and in health. This isn't just theory, it's the exact framework we've used and taught to youth pastors all over the country and even globally. In addition to the course and coaching, you will also have the opportunity to join a cohort community where you can meet with other youth leaders who are on the same journey to encourage each other, share ideas, and stay accountable as you put things into practice. So if you're looking for a clearer path to grow your ministry, head over to grow your youth ministry.com to see everything that's included. Once again, that's growyouryout ministry.com. All right, let's get back to the episode. Okay, encourage them. That is a great way to connect with students, maybe pointing out their gifts and their strengths, things that you see in them. Um sometimes if I see something cool in a student's character, I'll pull them aside and I'll be like, hey, just so you know, I noticed the way you treated that person. And, you know, you're the kind of person that that probably meant a lot coming from because everyone looks up to you, and I'm just so thankful you're a part of this ministry because your presence makes such a big difference, you know. And I genuinely mean it. Again, it's the things that we think but forget to say, it's the things that we feel but don't know how to display. Right. You got that fuffy. And like when students contribute to the conversation or to the discussion, I always try to be super highly encouraging of that. Like, even if their entire answer is not like true or perfect, I pick out what is and I'll be like, yeah, exactly. Like Jeff said, it's like here's blah, blah, blah. And I like leave out everything and I zone in on the good thing you said, and I run with that. And then I try to reference you. Like, remember what Jeff shared earlier? So now it's like, whoa, like. She's using another student, and it's just an encouragement to participate, makes them feel valued, makes them feel seen. And then, like during competition in games, I feel like that's just such a an open opportunity to encourage students. Like if they are out, you're like, Oh, hey, good try. Like, you'll get them round to, or whatever. Or if they're still in, I always try to be like, Yes, go, you can do it. Like just encouraging them. Like this girl today, we were playing Twizzle, and she tried so hard to grab the hockey stick, but she like slid on her knees, but couldn't get it in time. And she like looked at me, she's like, I sacrificed my body for this game. Oh my gosh, look at my knees. I'm well, that's why I love you. I'm like, you never backed down. Like, that was incredible. I'm so proud of you. So just create like creating moments with students, taking every opportunity, like whether it's part of the discussion, part of the small group, part of the message, part of the game, something you notice in them, just encouragement. Like we were talking about listening is so lacking. Encouragement is so lacking. Like, if you've ever heard the way junior hires talk to each other, they're brutal. They're mean to me, they're mean to each other. They never say anything nice to each other, they just pull each other down. And how refreshing to have somebody who they look up to to say, here's what I see in you, here's why you're awesome, like, here's an encouragement. They'll probably remember that forever, you know? And it puts wind in their sails and makes a connection between you and them.

Community Comment And Sign Off

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Yeah, that was good stuff. We also did an episode a while back about if you are trying to connect with the introverted students, because that can be a little bit more nuanced, I feel like, to bring them in. Um, we did an episode on that. And then what was the other one I was talking about? We had done oh, how to connect with students outside of youth ministry, because that's always a great way to um show them how much you care is by going to the sporting events and things like that. But make sure you guys check out those episodes. This is a community comment of the day. This comes from Jessica Smith, who says, God recently called me into teaching, and I am so thankful I found your podcast. Thank you for doing this. So much good information.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Oh, thank you, Jessica. We're glad you found that.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Thanks, Jessica. I appreciate that. And we thank you guys for watching and listening, and we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Chicken tenders.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Chicken tenders a potential bird.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

I didn't know what I was gonna say. Here are six mistakes you might be making. To grow your youth ministry. Okay Welcome to the youth What?