5 Things I Learned From My First Year in Youth Ministry

The time to grow a healthy, thriving youth ministry is NOW...let's work together! Make sure to check out GrowYourYouthMinistry.com *** My first year as a youth pastor was rough but it definitely helped shape my future in youth ministry.  Here are 5 things I learned that I've carried with me since then.  These mindset shifts can completely change your first year as a youth pastor and they can rescue you from the traps that crush a lot of youth leaders.  In this episode, we cover topics like comparison vs. learning, youth leader growth, the real reason students stay, how to build upon your strengths and more!

If you got a lot of value out of this episode, please subscribe, share it with another youth leader, and leave a review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ so more youth pastors can find it. What’s one lesson you wish YOU knew in your first year?

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📕 Book Mentioned in this episode:
The 21 Most Powerful Minutes in a Leader's Day - John Maxwell

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You may also enjoy these episodes:

(#281) 5 Ways to Connect With Your Students in Youth Ministry

(#215) How to Connect With Introverted Students in Your Youth Ministry

(#107) How to Deliver Better Sermons - 5 Youth Pastor Tips

(#089) How to Get Better Engagement During Sermons in Youth Ministry

(#241) 3 Ways to Immediately Improve Your Youth Ministry Sermons

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Transcript

Five Lessons From Year One

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today we're talking about five things that I learned in my first year of being a youth pastor.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast-track the growth and health of your youth ministry. My name is Jeff Lascola, and this is Kristen Lascola.

Turn Comparison Into Learning

Borrow Principles Not Scripts

Grow Yourself To Grow Ministry

SPEAKER_00 0:26

And today we're gonna talk about what I learned in my first year of youth ministry and not what I would necessarily do differently, but just a perspective shift on quite a few things. And the first one is I would love if I could go back to my first year youth ministry self and exchange my comparison struggles with learning. Because I don't feel like it's a bad thing, like they say comparison is the thief of joy. And I understand that. Comparison, though, if done right, can actually teach us something if we're willing to learn. So if you see someone that you admire and they're doing really good ministry, well, the dark side of that is I'm jealous, I'm insecure, I can just sitting around wondering why you have it and I don't, and it's deflating and it puts no energy. However, if I look at what you're doing and I'm like, dang, that person has got some skills, they have some great ideas, they run a tight ship, they know what they're doing, they're magnetic. I love what I see. They like are making disciples, and I can get energized by that and say, What can I learn from them? It's a totally different experience because then it doesn't like psych you out and shake your confidence. But the question should be, what can I take from them? What can I steal from them? What can I learn and what needs to be left? You know, because like moving into number two, we should take principles and ideas from people, but we shouldn't seek to take their script. Um, so I think like these two are kind of related in that it's like, yes, always exchange comparison for learning. I wish I would have done that earlier, and then not try to take their script while you're learning. Like, meaning, I think a perfect example of this is found in 1 Samuel when David is going to do battle with Goliath, and Saul is like, you can't do it. And David's like, I can. And Saul's like, okay, fine, then put on my armor. Right. And David's like walking around in like his dad's shoes, and it's like, I look like a clown. I feel like a clown. Like, I can't do this. And trying to put on someone else's armor that's just ill-fitting, it's kind of like that idea, like a literal script. I don't know if you guys have ever made this mistake, but tried to teach off of somebody else's script instead of just like get an idea from them. Oh, I like the idea of like the series we're in right now is the lion and the lamb because it's leading up to Easter. I love that concept, but I'm not taking the script and memorizing it. I'm taking a concept of jumping off off point and I'm making it into my own voice. So sort of like Saul did or David did with Saul's armor, he took it off and he said, I gotta fight this battle my way. So it doesn't mean you can't learn something from, I don't know if you really want to learn something from Saul, but you know, I'm sure there must be something good about him. He's handsome, okay? How to be handsome by Saul. But it was like he was a good warrior, he was a strong man. Yeah, I'm sure you could learn some stuff. But ministry is not a one-size fits-all kind of situation, you know. So sometimes you see something someone else is doing and you make the mistake of just like copying and pasting it into your own ministry, but you have a unique personality, yeah, and you need to trust in some of that. Like, I think we always look at who we admire and try to like osmosis into their personality and leave ourselves behind. But again, that's wearing Saul's armor. It's very uncomfortable, it's very unnatural. You know, we can't keep it up. And it's like you've been called to ministry. So take good ideas, modify them to fit your personality and your leadership style, and be confident in that. But yeah, look at other people, look at what they're doing. I've got, like, I remember one of the first youth ministry books I read talked about the impossible shot, you know, and it was something uh Josh Griffin or Doug Fields was doing, and Josh is still doing it, and we still do it. And I remember thinking, that's fun. Yeah, my impossible shot is different than their impossible shot. Like we have silly questions that are multiple choice, and ours is a janky basketball hoop, and they I think they use a bow and arrow or something. And it's just like, I like that idea, but I'm not gonna mount a bow and arrow thing because of you know our building, and I want that to be more to it. Like, you know, and so you just modify things. So just be careful, don't be a carbon copy of somebody else. All right, number three. This is what I wish I'd known my first year, and that I feel like I learned along the way, but that if you stop growing, so does your ministry. And oh, I have a book here. Upside down, upside down, but I can turn it around. This is a really good book. If you're a leader, you're no stranger to John Maxwell. So in my car today, I was reading the 21 Most Powerful Minutes and a Leader's Day. It's a long title, and he says this in day three, page 10, if you're following along. People often ask me what it takes to grow an organization. And to that question, I always give the same response to grow the organization, grow the leader. Everything starts and ends with him or her, John. Okay. So yeah, if you want to grow the organization, you grow the leader. And that is like leadership basics 10101. Why now, wow, now so what are the 21 most important minutes of the day? When you read this book.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Really? I assume that book is only 21 minutes long.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Well, it's broken up into days. I'm just kidding. Day three, you know, and it's different things. But I don't really know why it's 21, because the days take me like five minutes to read. So maybe there's more to it that I'm missing. Maybe I should read the introduction and find out. Oh, put it in the comments below.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Reflection or something.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yeah, I was ref like there's questions for reflection, so I was kind of writing it in the margin, my answers. And so I was like, that might be the best.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

When you get that book, make sure you read the foreword and intro and everything else to know what you're saying.

Keep Ministry New And Improving

SPEAKER_00 7:10

You gotta know what you're doing. You just can't just go in there, you know. So, in what ways you there are so many ways that a youth pastor needs to consistently be growing. You know, when you get the job as a youth pastor, you're just beginning. It's not like I've arrived, right? I got the job, so my education stops. Like, maybe you did go to school to be a youth pastor. I know people who got a degree in youth ministry, that's very exciting. Most of the people at our church did not get a degree in youth ministry, it was more on-the-job training, or they might not have a degree at all. Whatever the case may be, like, how are you continuing to grow yourself? You know, going back to the David thing, David really lifted the lid on his own leadership by continuing to grow. And John talks about that in one of these sections, and it was really good. He says this that David lifted the lid for himself first. His life demonstrates the practice of demanding personal improvement first. And he says, Look at his attitude toward Goliath. You know, like he started with himself, he wasn't looking to anybody else of like, I don't know, someone give me a pep talk. Like, ah, yeah. He just was like, No, I can do this, and I'm going to do this, and nobody's gonna stop me. And his brothers were rude about it, Saul was rude about it, his dad didn't even put him in the lineup, and David was inward focused of his strength, but not his, you know, the strength that God had given him in his previous experience, and the whole nation benefited from it, right? Because I didn't really remember this part of the story, and John Maxwell pointed it out in this section is that when David killed Goliath, it sort of unleashed the rest of the army of Israel, and they went and went after the actual Philistine army, and it says that the wounded Philistines fell by the side of the road. So it's like, oh, we forget there's more casualties than just Goliath. It was kind of like, okay, battle's over, but they got this surge of confidence when they watched David go after it. They're like, he led the way, he like prepared this battle for us. We got this, and they went out like screaming and got them. And I just feel like he really paved the way for others. And so when you grow as a leader, not only is it for your benefit, but it's for the benefit of the leaders around you. If you continue to grow, the whole, like he says, the whole organization starts to grow. An organization feels so clinical, right? It's the church, it's your ministry, it's your youth group. So, in what way? Don't forget, grow as a teacher. We have episodes on that. Refine your craft as a preacher and a teacher so that you do the word of God justice. As a theologian, I have a degree, but it's not in Bible, it's not in youth ministry. So, in order to supplement my education, I did a theological certificate program at Biola University. And I live in San Diego and I would have to drive up there every Monday night. Luckily, a few friends did it with me, and I got to sit and learn from William Lane Craig and JP Moreland and Michael Behey, and I still have my notebook and I would I teach from it. Like it changed my life that one or two semesters that I did that. Like, where's your theology sharpening coming from? You know, as a young youth pastor in your first year, you don't have to be like, you don't have to have a doctorate to do youth ministry, but your teaching becomes richer and you're able to connect better dots when you understand theology, growing in the sense along those lines of becoming a deep thinker, and then more of the soft skills, a relational architect. How are you forming bonds within your group? We did an episode on that last week, and then we have one from earlier too. And then growing in a fun expert. You know, I wrote that down because it's like there is something so infectious about a fun environment and a youth pastor who has a lens of fun. I feel like our friend Kirk really has that. He used to be our high school pastor, and fun was his A game. Like he just knew how to party. And but his teaching, especially if he's teaching about dinosaurs, is so uh deep and so good. But he would just hook you with the fun, and he never took himself seriously. It was that line we did from last week. We take the word of God seriously, but we don't take ourselves seriously. And I think that's such a draw, that's such a hook, you know, and I loved it. And then I bought, bought, I stole this from Andy Stanley. Um, his leadership stuff is really good. This one's from back in the day, and he says everything should be new, then move to improved, and then move to improving. And here's what he means by that. If something's new, you want to do a new event, a new camp, a new series, a new worship set, something like that. He says that's gonna trigger interest, that triggers momentum. Sometimes youth ministries, I am guilty of this, can get a little stale. We do the same thing over and over and over again. And I think that's where someone like Kirk is such an expert because he'd be like, it's dinosaur night. Of course it is. And it would he, but he was a genius of turning it into something cool. And like the kids were eating dino nuggets and they played these dinosaur games, and then he taught about dinosaurs and whatever. Sounds stupid, but it was really cool. But doing anything new or out of the ordinary triggers interest, triggers momentum. Then he says, now you move to improved. So this sustains the momentum that you have, but it enhances what you're currently offering. So it's like you take a look at it and you just enhance it to like a 2.0 type of version. And then he uses the word improving, and he says, this is where this involves that continuous intentional adjustment. And the whole idea is to prevent stagnation. Again, what we're talking about, because youth ministry can sometimes be for me, like I said, I'm very guilty of this. I'm a Myers Briggs J. I get into routines. We want to prevent stagnation in youth ministry, especially if you have kids. A lot of you guys combine middle school and high school. So that means you have kids for six to seven years.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

We're not doing that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

I did it too bad. I always like to go like this after seven, six, six, seven.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Just a quick note all the kids that were obsessed with doing that are now the ones that like shun anybody they see doing it. I'm like, how quickly you guys just abandon things.

Relationships Beat Facilities Every Time

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Oh my gosh, like they're still like doing that. Let's do a whole episode on all the abandoned trends. I still want to know where she went. I was there for a couple weeks. I want to know. So Andy Stanley's basically saying you're creating a culture of learning. So it's like what we were talking about before in uh number, oh, it's still number three. In the same number, in the same number of three, it requires you, like the if you want a better culture, it requires you to constantly be a student, not necessarily a critic. So a student is like there to learn, and you want to keep the idea of like, let's make improvements, not just like I just hate when people are not really open to new ideas, yet they point out everything that's wrong with everything. And then you're like, well, what about this? No, that'll never work. It's like, okay, so we're not a critic, we're a student who's open to new ideas when it comes to our ministry. Um, so that's number three. And then number four, I wish I could go back and tell first year youth ministry Kristen this is that you, Kristen, you are the best thing your students and families have, like in terms of ministry.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Because and will ever have.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

It doesn't get any better than this. No, because I think I was so into I want a cool facility. I want a really rock and worship team. I want to have an awesome event. I want to go to a cool camp. But what I look back on is what got us momentum and traction and magnetism in our ministry was that I was like this hub of relationship, and I was completely invested spiritually and socially and on a mentor, like emotional level with my students. Like we were so close, and I was so intentional with them, and I poured in so much. And then I did that with the parents too, and the leaders and the families. And it was like they weren't coming for the facility because we didn't have one.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Um didn't have rocking worship, didn't have no, we didn't even have a worship, a worship when I first started.

Build On Strengths Not Weaknesses

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Not a one. I think back and cringe at some of the stuff I had to do, but I was like, I think what kept students coming in the door was the not me in the sense of like, because I'm really cool, I'm kind of a big deal. It was more I care so deeply about you guys. I love you guys so much. We have such good chemistry and we're growing together, such good discipleship and growth happening. And they were very forgiving of yes, we meet in the classroom at the Falbrook Community Center, and there's all kinds of weird posters on the walls about nutrition. Brush your teeth. Yeah, comb your hair. Don't forget to wash your hands for 20 seconds. They were so forgiving of that. I look back at that, I'm like, who the heck would invite their friend to this weird meet me at the community center and like this tiny little not even the cool part, like where there's a gym. They did have a basketball gym. We couldn't afford to rent that room off to the side. Yes, and it was just this carpeted classroom that looked like it was for maybe first through third grade or something. And we made it work and they loved it and it grew. But I mean, you were at those days, and you remember just there was such love in like between us and the students and such solid relationships. And I wish I could just go back and say, Kristen, the building will come, the facilities will come, the budget will come, the staff will come. Just focus right now on being the youth pastor because that's what they want. They want you, they want a real significant relationship, they want to be loved, mentored, seen, heard, valued, challenged, taught. They want all of that. And they're not really that. And now, you know, you look at our building in our room, it's like unrecognizable, it doesn't even look like the same church. And I think because I started that way, I was able to keep that DNA. It's like, no, it was it's relationship. Like that's the bottom line. It doesn't matter how cool our room is or sound system or worship team. It's like we relationship has got to be the bottom line of every single thing that we do because that's ministry, or else what are we doing? Like a rock show in a cool, like it just doesn't, I don't know. Yeah, you sounded like such an old person thing. What are we doing like a rock show? Like a rock and roll or something. So uh felt good. Okay. Also, they've been teaching me this since day one at North Coast Church where I work, and it is build on islands of strength instead of trying to identify and improve your weaknesses. So I feel like very early on in your youth ministry, you're hyper aware of your weaknesses and you're like, all right, I just need to get better here. I just need to get better here. And and if I can do that, then I'll be super well-rounded. And everyone talks about be well-rounded, you know. But leadership experts would actually disagree. And it's really hard for me to believe because I'm a person who doesn't want there to be any weakness. Let's make it all a strength. But they're like, instead of focusing on how, because if you take a weakness and you try to improve it, if it's not your natural gifting, they say the best you could make it would be like a B minus.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

However, if you're naturally I got through college with B minuses, and and that was probably the top end.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Wow, I graduated cum laudi, and yet somehow we found each other. Isn't that sweet? We went to different colleges, so yours was for what job? I know what you want to say. It was a state school, who cares?

SPEAKER_02 20:54

So was mine.

Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator Invite

Three Non Negotiable Youth Pastor Skills

SPEAKER_00 20:55

All right. Uh well, I got my education at Viola too. So hey good for you. Uh good for you. Such a brat. Hey, quick question for you. Have you ever felt like you are working really hard in your youth ministry every week, but you don't know what the next step is or how to grow your youth ministry? Well, you are not alone. And that is exactly why we created our course and coaching program called Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator. Inside the program, we're gonna walk you step by step through strategies, systems, leadership principles that help ministries grow, both in size and in health. This isn't just theory, it's the exact framework we've used and taught to youth pastors all over the country and even globally. In addition to the course and coaching, you will also have the opportunity to join a cohort community where you can meet with other youth leaders who are on the same journey to encourage each other, share ideas, and stay accountable as you put things into. Practice. So if you're looking for a clearer path to grow your ministry, head over to grow your youth ministry.com to see everything that's included. Once again, that's growyour youth ministry.com. All right, let's get back to the episode. Cause yeah, the most you can make a weakness, you could bring it from like a C minus to a B minus. But if you're already pretty strong in something, if you're an A minus, you can easily get that to an A.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

You know it's saying not to work on your weaknesses at all, or just to focus more on your strengths to build.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

So here's where I think the nuance comes in because this is written by people who have people who work for them. So they can be like you do the stuff I'm not good at. And they say that all the time. And I remember being like 20 years old and hearing that and be like, wouldn't that be nice? Not to, well, I'll just give all my weaknesses away. It's like to who? I'm a team of one. What are you talking about? So I think it is nuanced. Sometimes you just have to do things you're not good at. But I think the idea overall is not to obsess about what you're not good at. Find a way to just kind of get by or enlist help from someone if you have the opportunity to do that, or get just good enough. But if you notice, like, man, I'm I have potential to be an incredible public speaker if I just work on it a little bit. I've seen people go from like B plus to A plus over the years. Takes a while, you know, to be like, oh my gosh, like now you're getting speaking gigs everywhere, and camps are hiring you, and you know, like they're getting guest speaking stuff because they worked on their a skill that they had, but then there's other skills that's like, you know, be good enough, but don't put all your energy toward that. So for us for this episode, it's like can you identify like what are what are strengths, what are weaknesses, what can I take and just maximize the heck out of and be an A plus player? And what can I get good enough at to get by, but I'm not gonna waste an inordinate or an in ordinary Christmas ornaments.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

Ordained pastor.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

An ornament amount of inordinate.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

Yeah, yeah. Yes, cumlati, huh?

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Too Shay. Yeah, they forgot. So I had to be like, hey, where's my cum lati ropes? They're like, are you? I'm like, yes, 3.75. Hello.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

Real quick, top three non-negotiable things that you need to be good at to be a youth pastor. Like, you have to be good at these three things.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

I think you have to be a decent teacher. I don't think you have to be an excellent teacher. I think you have to be decent because that's the bulk of our job. So you have to be able to teach, and that's what the Bible's requirement is, actually. It doesn't say youth pastor, but it's talking about leadership in the church, and it says able to teach.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

You know, I are you talking about hard skills because I'm talking about everything you're saying for building on strengths and weaknesses.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

I think you have to have leadership skills, you have to be able to lead and recruit and train a team. People have to trust you and follow you, or else you kind of have nothing, right? So I think those are two non-negotiable strengths. And then I think you do, and this is where it gets really tricky. I think even if you have an admin, you need organizational skills. And I think that's where it all falls apart for a lot of you pastors because they don't, and so they rely on someone else. And I have an admin. However, even like we need the two of us, you know, or I remember things she doesn't, and she remembers things I don't. And, you know, when you're running an event, like you're a lot of people I know, their admin doesn't come with them to camp. She booked the transportation, or he and paid the invoice, but it's not there when you have to take role on a bus and make sure you have every kid and like keep on a time schedule, or else you're gonna be late to the event or late coming home or communicate with parents on a regular basis. So I just think I think organizational skills, like when I see youth pastors that don't have them, those are the ones who are usually drowning.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

Where would you put relational skills? Does that fall under leadership?

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Leadership skills, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

You know, I thought of mentioning that, but I thought that's what you're gonna say ahead of um organizational skills. Okay, maybe if you separate the two, I don't know. Because I kind of would. I think leadership skills and relational skills are yeah, you're right. I do.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

So okay, those are the top four. No, you can only have three. Well, I'm breaking the rules. This is my podcast.

unknown 27:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Um, yeah, okay, so teaching, leadership, relational organization. And as an honorable mention, organization, you know, is a is a last on the list because I know good youth pastors that don't have it, but they're drowning all the time and nobody likes them, you know.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Well unless they have a lot of relational skills, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:34

And I've met that person too, that they're so charming and so relational, and they will win you over with that smile and their little jokes that you can't be mad at them for dropping the ball on literally everything.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

But then you kind of are.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

But life goes on, you forgive them and you move on, but it is not my favorite person to work with. I'll say that.

Comment Of The Day And Wrap

SPEAKER_02 27:59

Well, we have some episodes like you had mentioned, some about how to connect with students. We did one last week, and then we have a few more. I'll link those in the description below, and then also how to improve your teaching skills. So check those out when you have the time. We're gonna do a community comment of the day. This comes from Finding Disney, who says this video was encouraging for me. Oh, this one came from the episode we did on why you almost quit youth ministry but didn't. This video was encouraging for me, especially talking about age. I'm 46 and sometimes wonder if the kids think I'm too old to be their youth leader. But I love the youth and I have really enjoyed the community and connections I have helped facilitate. God has not called me out yet, so I am just gonna continue to serve where I feel led. Woo! Amen.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

Amen, sister. Thank you, sister.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

So much she's she's a sister. Um not a mister. I don't know your name, Finding Disney, but um it's it is a girl. So there you go. Okay, thanks. Thank you for finding Disney, and thank you guys for watching and listening.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

And we'll see you next time if you continue to grow the whole, like he says, the whole or are you confused as to why your youth ministry isn't growing? It could be. Back to you in the studio. Sound like a newscaster.