I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - The Jackson 5

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – The Jackson 5”

Christmas is meant to be wholesome… until you look at the lyrics too closely.
 This week, the boys dig into I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by The Jackson 5 — a song that somehow manages to be festive, creepy, and deeply unhinged all at once.

Was Mum having an affair with Santa? Was Dad in the corner with a cuck cage? Why is Michael begging his brothers to “believe him”? And why does the music video feature Santa shadow-fucking behind a curtain?

We break down the lyrics, the cursed history, the Catholic Church meltdown, the Jackson family chaos, the bizarre video, the weird production trivia, and the net worths that make absolutely no sense.
 All the story, all the filth, all the Christmas nightmares.

If you love chaos, Christmas, and disturbing song analysis, this is your episode.

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Transcript

00:00.28
Christmas Penis man
To the pole.

00:02.18
Chibbs
right.

00:54.98
Christmas Penis man
You

01:00.34
Bevo
So loud.

01:16.53
gav
Why is it still going?

01:17.75
Bevo
Too long.

01:20.25
Christmas Penis man
meant to talk over it.

01:21.08
Chibbs
This is 1001 Songs That Make You Want to Die, the podcast we talk about.

01:22.10
Christmas Penis man
There you go

01:22.65
gav
Nice.

01:24.84
Chibbs
Songs so unhinged, they make you want to question every Christmas memory you've ever had.

01:32.94
Christmas Penis man
Nicely timed.

01:35.20
Chibbs
Thanks. Yeah, I was vibing it. I was being like Michael Jackson.

01:37.53
Christmas Penis man
um Yeah. To be fair, i I didn't tell you that there was space left on it for you to talk over.

01:39.67
gav
nice

01:45.05
Chibbs
Also, I don't need that long.

01:45.24
Christmas Penis man
So it's, yeah.

01:46.68
Chibbs
ah thought I thought I did it exactly at the right time.

01:49.43
Christmas Penis man
Yeah.

01:49.50
Bevo
This is better content than anything that could have happened before anyway.

01:50.30
Christmas Penis man
Yeah. It is. A little peek behind the curtains. This is how we um work the technical side. We just do it on the podcast.

01:57.85
Chibbs
Fuck it, we're doing it live!

02:00.60
Mad Dog
ah

02:00.60
Christmas Penis man
After it's, yeah, we talk about it after it's happened on the podcast.

02:00.67
gav
Ha!

02:06.62
Chibbs
professionals. Speaking of professionals, we are doing Eyesore Mummy Kissing Santa Claus by The Jackson 5.

02:35.80
Chibbs
Yeah, so on and so on and so on and so on. Gavin is here.

02:40.98
gav
Hello.

02:42.93
Chibbs
Dan Southern's here. Or Christmas Penis Man.

02:48.98
Bevo
Does it have a little hat on?

02:49.21
Christmas Penis man
Yeah,

02:49.53
gav
Oh, so

02:50.76
Bevo
little Christmas hat on?

02:50.97
gav
ah

02:52.34
Christmas Penis man
yeah I'm the Christmas penis man.

02:52.71
Chibbs
Yeah.

02:55.77
gav
nice.

02:57.04
Bevo
bring you gifts.

02:57.08
Christmas Penis man
ah do have a very important phone call to take. I've got to go.

03:01.62
Chibbs
Great.

03:02.10
Bevo
Oh.

03:02.54
Chibbs
Bevo's here.

03:03.93
gav
Quality content.

03:04.20
Bevo
See ya. Merry Christmas.

03:06.19
Chibbs
A mad dog is

03:08.02
Mad Dog
Merry Wolfmas. Oh, fuck that up.

03:10.37
Chibbs
here.

03:10.49
gav
ah

03:10.80
Mad Dog
Merry Wolfmas.

03:11.22
gav
um Oh my God.

03:13.46
Bevo
I stuffed mine up too because I was distracted by Dan. Can we have a do-over?

03:16.79
Chibbs
na night aye No, no.

03:18.25
gav
Let's have a two-hour one. Without Dan. Fuck him.

03:21.21
Mad Dog
Merry Wolfmas.

03:21.16
Bevo
Yeah, we probably would have wasted it anyway.

03:23.29
Mad Dog
Yes.

03:26.01
Chibbs
Yeah. All right.

03:27.84
Mad Dog
We got it done.

03:29.02
Bevo
If we do anything well, I reckon we do a good Christmas episode.

03:29.27
Chibbs
It's our Christmas. set

03:31.64
Bevo
Remember

03:32.02
Chibbs
Yeah, this is our Christmas episode. We've done many a Christmas episode.

03:35.83
Bevo
the Christmas shoes?

03:36.00
Mad Dog
Yeah, it's been.

03:37.75
Bevo
We did that on like a Saturday morning.

03:38.91
Chibbs
Oh, what a terrible song.

03:39.67
Bevo
I'll never forget that. That was a fucking shitty song.

03:43.61
Chibbs
Yeah.

03:44.79
gav
a

03:46.65
Mad Dog
Well, most Christmas songs are.

03:46.87
Chibbs
yeah

03:47.67
gav
Most Christmas songs...

03:47.77
Bevo
American comedian.

03:49.21
gav
Yeah, okay. Mad Dog, straight on there with me. I agree with you, Mad Dog.

03:52.22
Mad Dog
Yeah, yeah.

03:53.24
gav
I will say i like christmas films I like Christmas songs more now that I don't work in retail.

03:53.69
Mad Dog
I'm not a fan.

03:58.04
gav
I think when I worked in retail, I was like, it'd get to like mid-November and they'd put on the Christmas playlist and i'd just be like, I'm...

04:00.96
Mad Dog
Oh.

04:04.54
gav
Because it's only like, there's not enough Christmas songs for to not hear the same ones a hundred times.

04:05.85
Mad Dog
How about the 1st of November? Yeah.

04:09.86
Chibbs
Yeah.

04:10.06
gav
That's November. If they put it on that early, then that's a war crime.

04:10.55
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:12.60
Bevo
Well, I put this song on to listen to it and then you know how Spotify gives you something else similar kind of straight afterwards and it went straight to rocking around the Christmas tree and I was like, yeah, you can do better than that, Spotify.

04:12.95
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:17.59
gav
Yeah, fair.

04:24.12
Mad Dog
yeah

04:24.06
Bevo
Come on, mate.

04:25.75
Chibbs
Last Christmas by Wham. That was a good one we did one time.

04:29.66
Bevo
m

04:29.75
gav
Yeah, was that with Radio Mike?

04:33.18
Chibbs
Possibly.

04:33.70
Bevo
He's been on a lot for Christmas.

04:34.20
Chibbs
Yeah.

04:35.31
Bevo
we I'm surprised we didn't get him this time.

04:36.09
Mad Dog
He loves the Christmas one.

04:36.15
gav
Yeah.

04:37.89
Mad Dog
See, Dan loves Christmas.

04:37.90
Bevo
We're stacked anyway, so...

04:38.36
gav
We should have him up. We should have...

04:41.21
Mad Dog
Dan, I get the sense Dan, Dan dan Southern, he loves Christmas.

04:41.87
gav
Who's Dan? don't know.

04:45.47
Chibbs
Christmas penis man.

04:45.78
gav
Oh, is he on the is he?

04:47.22
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:48.49
gav
not on the pod. Ha ha ha ha ha!

04:50.45
Mad Dog
Oh, yeah.

04:50.82
gav
he's not

04:50.81
Bevo
right Not right now, he's taking an important phone call.

04:53.18
Chibbs
Yeah, sorry, it's an important phone call.

04:54.07
Mad Dog
Oh.

04:55.83
Chibbs
Yeah.

04:56.18
Mad Dog
It's Santa. Yeah.

04:58.01
Bevo
see

04:58.23
Chibbs
It could be. all Alright, we've got lyrics to get into, let's go.

05:00.02
Bevo
It's about his place on the list this year.

05:00.13
Mad Dog
Yeah.

05:02.81
Mad Dog
yeah

05:03.80
Chibbs
ah The intro goes, Wow! Mummy's kissing Santa Claus!

05:10.07
Mad Dog
Jesus.

05:11.32
Chibbs
Yep.

05:11.82
Mad Dog
Straight into it, Mum.

05:12.14
Bevo
That's heavier than you're making it, Michael.

05:12.76
Mad Dog
Toast.

05:15.13
Chibbs
yeah

05:15.98
Mad Dog
Yeah.

05:16.09
gav
a

05:17.00
Bevo
Some implications there.

05:17.50
gav
I'll tell you what I reckon he's thinking. he's he's looking at He's looking at the benefits of having a separated mum and dad. And he's like, it's Christmas time and he's thinking they're going to be competing, trying to get me better gifts than each other.

05:25.40
Chibbs
Yeah.

05:30.38
gav
I'm going to get fucking dosed out here. It's going be good.

05:32.06
Bevo
Well, imagine if your stepdad is Santa.

05:36.80
Chibbs
Oh, yeah.

05:38.62
Mad Dog
yeah

05:38.78
gav
He'd have no time for you on Christmas, right?

05:40.79
Mad Dog
Yeah, yeah.

05:40.98
gav
He'd be...

05:41.08
Bevo
We'll get one day a year.

05:43.83
gav
Also, i don't um i don't think you I don't think the implication is that his mother is going to fucking replace Mrs.

05:44.26
Mad Dog
You're also...

05:49.72
gav
Claus. I think it's that Santa wanted to get some strange while flying over North America. um dipies's fucking candy cane Dipped his candy cane in that fucking sugar pot and he's on his way.

05:55.27
Bevo
Face on the side.

05:59.83
gav
I don't think he's sticking around to raise the fucking kids.

05:59.91
Bevo
Yeah.

06:02.68
Chibbs
sand is side piece yeah

06:03.03
Mad Dog
of and i've actually got this

06:04.66
gav
Santa's side piece. That's a Christmas song.

06:07.51
Mad Dog
ah

06:08.12
gav
ah

06:09.01
Mad Dog
I've been thinking about this this concept and I've kind of come up with like Christmas for Santa is kind of like the purge.

06:12.38
gav
Well, I bet you have.

06:17.23
Mad Dog
Like Mrs. Claus kind of gives him a hall pass like for once a year and he gets to fly around the world and just fuck mums.

06:22.27
Bevo
He's

06:25.72
Chibbs
So it's not hope I hope there's some mums up late.

06:25.81
Bevo
like Dave Grohl.

06:26.43
Mad Dog
Like, yeah. Yeah.

06:28.45
gav
sorry.

06:29.49
Chibbs
Yeah.

06:30.33
Mad Dog
yeah She's like, every other day of the year, you have to stay in the North Pole with me, but one day you can fly across the world and just hook up with any mum you want.

06:36.31
Chibbs
yeah

06:41.46
gav
ah

06:42.58
Bevo
what happens on What happens on Christmas stays on Christmas.

06:44.59
Mad Dog
It's Christmas. chriss yeah

06:46.49
Chibbs
Yeah. The first verse goes, I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus, kissing, kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.

06:48.92
Mad Dog
Yeah.

06:58.23
Chibbs
She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep. She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep.

07:07.19
gav
creep is right

07:08.40
Bevo
Crave is right exactly.

07:08.66
Mad Dog
That'd be a fucking disturbing, would that not be a disturbing thing to see your mother doing?

07:14.52
Chibbs
Yeah, of course. I mean, it's a voyeurism like at its absolute base.

07:15.95
Bevo
Mm-hmm.

07:19.45
Chibbs
At the core, that's that's what is being completely...

07:21.24
Mad Dog
Yeah, that's what it is.

07:21.30
gav
yeah yeah

07:23.90
Chibbs
Yeah, that's what it is.

07:24.06
Mad Dog
Yeah.

07:24.98
Chibbs
And I don't know it' like how old this kid is that is seeing this. So you've either got to go with that they are young enough that they believe in Santa Claus and think he is a magical being that's come through the through down through the chimney and now is making it out with his mum,

07:44.34
Chibbs
Or the kid's old enough to not believe in Santa anymore and wants to know who the fuck is making out with his mum.

07:51.74
gav
Ha ha ha ha ha.

07:51.80
Chibbs
ah

07:52.60
Bevo
I mean, my interpretation is that it's dad dressed up as Santa hooking up with mom, but then also.

07:53.58
Mad Dog
Thank

07:57.43
Chibbs
Okay, so this never occurred to me. That never occurred to me until I said told Jazz what we're doing. She's like, oh, mean, that's funny because, you know, it's um you know the dad's dressed up as Santa.

08:08.48
Chibbs
And I'm like, no, that's not right because they're all asleep. So they wouldn't send the kids to sleep and then the dad goes and puts a Santa outfit on and then goes around and puts presents out.

08:15.96
Bevo
yeah The suit on that's a lot of effort.

08:18.46
gav
ah

08:20.13
Chibbs
Like, i don't think I don't think that is the case at all. I think this is like...

08:24.53
gav
Dad's upstairs asleep, for sure.

08:26.22
Chibbs
He's asleep and Santa's just like Dave from the pub.

08:31.38
Bevo
ah Hey, Mrs. Jackson.

08:32.12
Chibbs
it's but

08:33.62
gav
Ha ha ha ha ha!

08:33.95
Mad Dog
Dave!

08:35.53
gav
Ha ha

08:36.54
Chibbs
And she's like, if you come over, like my husband's asleep, make sure you wear the Santa outfit.

08:37.21
Mad Dog
Dave!

08:44.98
Mad Dog
ah

08:45.45
gav
ha ha ha!

08:46.52
Mad Dog
Dave! That'll confuse Michael if he starts creeping down the stairs, a little fuck.

08:49.87
gav
The little Michael.

08:50.48
Chibbs
Yeah, a little fuck won't stay asleep.

08:51.52
Mad Dog
Yeah.

08:51.51
gav
The little pervert.

08:54.49
Chibbs
A little pervert. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Creeping and peeping

09:02.63
Mad Dog
Dave from the pub.

09:03.99
Chibbs
sounds worse than what mum's doing.

09:06.94
gav
Dave from the pub giving her a yearly rogering on Christmas.

09:07.38
Mad Dog
um

09:12.38
Chibbs
the um but it's just yeah craing and paping is some

09:12.92
Mad Dog
oh

09:17.30
Chibbs
sounds worse than what mum's doing

09:20.86
gav
Oh, yeah. Yeah. it's um It's a bit of a strange one. I feel like the the making out with the Santa Claus is definitely consensual. They didn't ask to be watched while they did that. I feel like we've yeah um a line is being crossed here somewhere and somewhere somewhere halfway down the stairs, there was a line that the kid crossed.

09:40.12
Mad Dog
Yeah.

09:40.54
Chibbs
yeah

09:41.56
gav
Speaking of kids crossing lines, welcome to the kids.

09:42.17
Mad Dog
It's...

09:45.85
Bevo
Actually, I was thinking, did we end up blurring out Dan Southern's daughter in that episode?

09:45.98
gav
Yeah.

09:46.23
Mad Dog
But...

09:50.09
Chibbs
Yeah, yes, yes, I did.

09:50.95
Bevo
Okay, good.

09:52.64
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah, did.

09:52.75
Bevo
I'm sorry. Sorry for that just happening.

09:53.54
Chibbs
Yeah, I did.

09:54.80
Bevo
Oh, no.

09:55.46
Chibbs
I did. The chorus.

09:56.53
Mad Dog
Yeah.

09:56.94
Chibbs
chorus goes, then I saw mummy tickle Santa Claus, tickle, tickle Santa Claus underneath his beard, so snowy white.

10:01.59
Bevo
no

10:03.67
Mad Dog
Jesus.

10:07.74
Chibbs
Oh, what a laugh it would have been if daddy had only seen mummy and kissing Santa Claus last night. Oh, yeah.

10:14.71
Bevo
You gotta to love, you gotta to love to the, you gotta love the childlike innocence ah that the kid would be like, check this out, dad.

10:15.48
Chibbs
What a fucking laugh.

10:15.58
Mad Dog
oh Oh, what a riot.

10:18.52
Chibbs
You want to hear something funny?

10:19.16
gav
This is going to break up

10:19.61
Mad Dog
that

10:20.02
Chibbs
It

10:24.02
Bevo
You're going to fucking love this. Mommy.

10:25.40
Chibbs
just goes right goes back up to the bedroom, shaking.

10:26.23
gav
ah ah

10:29.55
Chibbs
Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

10:30.79
gav
Dad, you're not going to believe this.

10:31.71
Chibbs
The funniest thing is happening downstairs.

10:33.97
gav
You've got to see this.

10:34.17
Mad Dog
Do you want to say something hilarious?

10:39.10
Mad Dog
What sort of sicko has written this song? Honestly, it's terrifying.

10:43.03
Chibbs
yeah

10:44.50
Mad Dog
this This would be terrifying.

10:44.89
gav
Well, my I think i think there's a nu there's another angle here and that's that the kid goes upstairs and the dad's not in the bed and he's like, hang on a minute. And he goes downstairs and he realizes that his mum is kissing Santa Claus and his dad's sitting in the corner with a cuck cage on his dick.

11:00.57
gav
Just just straight strainening

11:01.55
Mad Dog
Cage! Cage!

11:02.20
Bevo
so

11:04.02
gav
straining against his binds and moaning.

11:06.90
Bevo
Jingling his bells.

11:07.29
Chibbs
oh

11:08.61
gav
Jingling.

11:08.63
Chibbs
but what

11:09.43
gav
Ho, ho, ho. Yeah, they don't say how far down

11:11.67
Chibbs
What's good about this as well is that um it's from a child's perspective and she thinks or he thinks that mummy is tickling Santa.

11:14.34
Mad Dog
Mm-hmm.

11:23.16
Bevo
yeah

11:23.45
gav
the...

11:23.93
Mad Dog
but

11:24.47
gav
yeah yeah they don't see how far down the

11:28.79
Chibbs
Just giving him a giving him a ferocious handjob in the living room.

11:33.53
gav
yeah I'll say, she's like, underneath the beard, it's like you look at the beard, it goes all the way down to his dick. It's just like... It's like, it kind of implies that...

11:42.26
Chibbs
And he stays he stays in character the whole time. He's like, oh ho, ho, ho.

11:46.58
Mad Dog
ah

11:46.92
Chibbs
Ho, ho, ho.

11:48.81
gav
Merry dickmas.

11:49.22
Mad Dog
He's in character.

11:49.95
gav
Yeah, I...

11:50.07
Chibbs
yeah

11:53.21
Mad Dog
He doesn't have to be in character if he is actually Santa. If it's Dave, then he's got to commit to it.

11:57.24
gav
yeah i've i

11:57.37
Bevo
Do reckon?

11:57.45
Chibbs
Yeah. Yeah.

11:59.80
Mad Dog
Yeah.

12:00.22
Chibbs
yeah Yeah.

12:00.27
Bevo
I'm going with it is Santa and he's on a real tight schedule because he's got to get to every other house that night. He's looking his watch like, let's go, come on.

12:05.91
gav
Yeah. Yeah. i like I like the interpretation.

12:07.79
Chibbs
He's got to, he's, he's dicking down the whole town. it's Yeah.

12:11.48
Mad Dog
old town.

12:12.06
gav
Let's lock in. i feel like we can't we can't come at this and too cut excuse the pun come at this from too many angles. We've got to lock in a definition and I think we're going with this is the real Santa fucking this child's mother while they watch.

12:23.32
Chibbs
This is Santa Claus. Yeah.

12:27.96
gav
And is the dad present or not?

12:28.38
Mad Dog
Yeah, it's actually Santa.

12:29.76
gav
Perhaps we'll find out in the later verses, but that's on the table, I think.

12:32.38
Bevo
No, we're pretty much done. pretty

12:34.46
Chibbs
that To be fair, we don't we don't know if that is seen, but I like that Gavin has shown out a theory that underneath that lamp that isn't on, it's like it's got there's a pull cord that it could turn on at any point.

12:46.49
gav
on the

12:47.30
Chibbs
There is a dark figure sitting in a chair.

12:47.42
gav
on the on the dark side of it but he's he's he's dressed as a naughty naughty naughty little elf sitting in the corner oh my god

12:50.07
Chibbs
There is a dark figure sitting in a chair watching mum and Santa Claus tickle each other. ah

12:58.49
Chibbs
It's got dunce hat on.

13:00.66
Mad Dog
ah to

13:06.49
Chibbs
There may or may not be a cage on the shadow figure's cock.

13:06.55
Mad Dog
Oh, ah yes.

13:11.90
gav
yeah more may than may not

13:15.26
Chibbs
Yeah, we don't know. The bridge, it says, he saw mummy kissing, kissing, kissing Santa Claus.

13:19.01
Mad Dog
What a weirdo. a

13:24.46
Chibbs
I did. I really did see mummy kissing Santa Claus, and I'm going to tell my dad. All

13:30.78
Mad Dog
Jesus.

13:32.79
Bevo
Blackmail now. Imagine Santa like, kid, kid, kid.

13:34.43
Chibbs
right.

13:34.58
Mad Dog
Yeah. This kid is a little shit.

13:38.04
Bevo
Just don't do it.

13:38.68
Mad Dog
Yeah. Shut your mouth.

13:40.70
Bevo
but Handing him presents out of his pockets and stuff.

13:42.87
Mad Dog
Yeah.

13:43.18
Bevo
Like, just shut up.

13:44.48
gav
You can watch if you keep your fucking mouth shut.

13:47.54
Chibbs
so like ah it's like a mo like ah It's like a mobster like greasing the palm of like someone, but they're candy canes.

13:47.67
Bevo
your little

13:54.26
Bevo
yeah

13:55.32
Mad Dog
Yeah.

13:55.51
Chibbs
yeah Do you just shut your mouth, kid? Slaps him across the face and drops a bunch of candy canes in his hand? No one needs to know about this.

14:02.74
gav
Well, thanks,

14:02.84
Mad Dog
You ain't...

14:03.67
Bevo
no Go get these carrots to Donna and Blitzen and that.

14:07.32
Mad Dog
You ain't going to be a rat now, are you, Michael?

14:14.48
gav
You'll get a lump of coal for Christmas, Michael.

14:16.66
Mad Dog
Yeah.

14:18.23
Chibbs
I imagine Santa um assassinates anyone that does seem fucking their mums the old school Russian way. the You know, like the snow down the throat.

14:28.22
gav
oh there you go.

14:28.63
Bevo
yeah.

14:28.70
Mad Dog
Oh.

14:29.06
gav
ye Yep, yep.

14:30.10
Mad Dog
The original waterboarding.

14:30.37
Bevo
Drowning.

14:30.70
Chibbs
That's a that's that's a bit of a is a good one, Gavin.

14:31.93
Mad Dog
Yeah.

14:36.51
gav
That's a good one.

14:37.14
Mad Dog
Yeah.

14:37.43
gav
I haven't, yeah.

14:37.53
Bevo
Case file.

14:39.80
Chibbs
It is a good one.

14:40.44
gav
i haven't I haven't, it is a good one. I haven't thought about that method of homicide for quite some time and I'd like to be reminded of that.

14:42.68
Bevo
It is a good one.

14:45.14
Chibbs
Oh, you yeah.

14:46.71
gav
That's a good one.

14:47.16
Chibbs
The russian Russian mob. It's a classic Russian mob move. Snow down the throat, chokes on it The snow melts.

14:50.78
gav
Yeah.

14:52.36
Chibbs
They drowned.

14:52.67
Mad Dog
No evidence. Yeah.

14:53.88
gav
Yeah, that's good.

14:54.87
Mad Dog
No evidence.

14:55.60
gav
That's good.

14:56.12
Chibbs
Yeah, drowned in his apartment somehow.

14:56.23
Mad Dog
Yeah.

14:58.52
Bevo
why no one else has ever seen Mummy Kissing Santa Claus.

14:59.61
gav
yeah yeah

15:02.87
Chibbs
Yeah, that's why not many not many have seen it.

15:03.45
gav
Yeah, Santa sent a message with that first kid and everyone after that has just shut the fuck up.

15:04.95
Chibbs
ne

15:07.93
Chibbs
ah To be fair, Michael Jackson was never the same again.

15:12.82
Bevo
Yeah.

15:12.95
Mad Dog
Yeah.

15:12.98
gav
ah

15:14.36
Chibbs
yeah

15:14.84
Mad Dog
um it

15:14.90
Bevo
Well, we can pinpoint it to this moment, can't we?

15:17.12
Chibbs
It's

15:17.46
Mad Dog
Is this a distraction technique from Michael?

15:17.75
gav
I like the...

15:20.76
Mad Dog
is If he's shouting so much about his mother making out with a fat Danish guy, maybe people won't notice his sexual exploits?

15:30.84
Chibbs
just like, no one...

15:31.51
gav
Sexual proclivities?

15:31.93
Bevo
I mean, he's very young at this point.

15:34.46
gav
Yeah, this is child. This is little Michael.

15:35.64
Bevo
with

15:36.30
gav
Leave little Michael out of this.

15:38.55
Chibbs
Yeah.

15:38.71
Mad Dog
But you can imagine what it'd be like if you did.

15:38.74
gav
um If you did.

15:41.75
Mad Dog
Yeah.

15:41.99
gav
um I like the implication that um with the bridge there, it's he saw mummy kissing, kissing Santa Like the voiceover in the background.

15:42.10
Mad Dog
Yeah.

15:49.46
gav
i'm picturing it's just like the rest of the Jackson 5 slide onto like the banister of the stairwell and start just singing he saw mummy kissing Santa Claus. I like that.

15:58.23
Mad Dog
yeah Yeah.

15:59.80
Bevo
but it's also a lot of this song is him trying to convince his brothers that he saw it.

16:03.03
Chibbs
Convince Tito Jackson that he saw his mum getting railed by Santa.

16:03.12
Bevo
And they're just like, yeah, yeah.

16:03.96
gav
Yeah, true, true. Just the fuck up. Oh, my God.

16:09.63
Chibbs
Jermaine Jackson. He's trying to convince Jermaine Jackson that his mum was ploughed by Santa.

16:16.01
Bevo
Is Jermaine the oldest one? or He's like, he knows the implications. he He's like, just fucking shut up.

16:19.80
Chibbs
hey Yeah, yeah.

16:21.50
gav
just shot the fog up

16:21.59
Chibbs
Just like, don't let Joe find out about this. He hits us enough. We don't need we don't need this sort of mischief in our life.

16:27.74
gav
ha ha

16:31.70
gav
oh my god

16:32.98
Bevo
It's just one night a year. Just one night a year.

16:38.46
Chibbs
um

16:41.88
Chibbs
Then Verse 2. We got a bridge before we got the verse 2. All right. Verse 2.

16:47.93
gav
I think it's verse two again, isn't it?

16:53.67
Chibbs
Is it the same?

16:53.81
gav
Oh no, hit us with it.

16:53.84
Bevo
The tickling.

16:54.56
gav
I think I'm,

16:55.29
Chibbs
Oh, hold on, hold I gotta stop.

00:00.00
gav
um go let's Let's open up with that and then you can jump into verse two.

00:01.53
Chibbs
All right. So, okay.

00:02.52
gav
We'll just splice it as needed.

00:02.81
Chibbs
Okay. So, yeah. the The end of the bridge.

00:04.66
gav
it's

00:05.17
Chibbs
The end of the bridge, he's saying he's going to tell his dad.

00:08.50
gav
Yeah. And his dad is fucking Joe Jackson. So you can picture little young Michael running up to this towering abusive figure that is fucking basically mobster Joe Jackson.

00:16.82
Chibbs
One of the music industry's greatest monsters, greatest monsters Joe Jack.

00:21.58
gav
Hey, hey, dad, I...

00:23.06
Bevo
You don't really hear about Michael Jackson's mum much, do you either?

00:27.39
Chibbs
Nah, he was keeping, well, you know.

00:28.76
gav
Except for being a sultry Santa kisser.

00:31.29
Chibbs
Apparently, yeah, just...

00:31.82
Bevo
Catherine Jackson.

00:32.49
Chibbs
a Old Kathy on the fucking 24th of December each year, just...

00:35.49
gav
Sorry, Miss Jackson.

00:39.26
gav
ah Catfish Jackson.

00:42.91
Chibbs
Catfish Jackson!

00:45.56
gav
But yeah, be it can you...

00:45.57
Bevo
She's still alive too.

00:46.28
Mad Dog
Catfish.

00:46.88
gav
Oh, there you go.

00:47.58
Bevo
Still kicking.

00:47.83
Chibbs
Is she?

00:48.25
Mad Dog
Is she?

00:48.25
Chibbs
Kathy, good on her.

00:48.89
Bevo
Yeah.

00:49.85
Mad Dog
Wow.

00:51.86
Chibbs
Verse 2. Then I saw mummy tickle Santa Claus. Tickle, tickle, Santa Claus. Oh, wait, is this the same shit?

00:58.98
gav
It's the same shit.

00:59.06
Bevo
Yeah.

00:59.78
gav
um

00:59.96
Bevo
yeah yeah yeah

01:00.94
gav
I'm pretty sure it's all the same after that.

01:02.10
Chibbs
Oh, it's exactly the same.

01:03.83
Bevo
Yeah. There's not much content in this. It's just brave.

01:06.23
Chibbs
Okay, right. But so the end d at the end is I did, I did, I really did see Mummy kissing Santa Claus. You've got to believe me. You've got to believe me. Come on, fellas, believe me. You've got to believe me.

01:17.06
Chibbs
I told you, I told you. Come on, you've got to believe me. I did. if Pleading.

01:22.07
Bevo
why do we Why do we have to believe you, though, Michael?

01:22.79
gav
Yeah.

01:24.76
Chibbs
Yeah, like, is it just not not good enough for air everyone to be like, all right, did she?

01:25.15
Bevo
What?

01:25.57
gav
Yeah.

01:30.68
Bevo
Maybe she did or maybe she didn't.

01:30.94
Chibbs
did she yeah and You're not believing me.

01:32.64
Bevo
it does

01:35.06
Chibbs
I believe you. I believe yeah

01:36.92
gav
yeah it's fine buddy just fucking move on man you crazy cat

01:38.27
Bevo
Yeah, sure, Michael. Just put it under the rug.

01:40.76
Chibbs
you. know but You don't believe me. You don't believe me. Yeah.

01:45.28
Mad Dog
Mm-hmm.

01:45.66
Chibbs
Yeah.

01:45.91
Bevo
to this day, he's still like, it fucking happened, I swear.

01:47.35
Chibbs
Yeah. It was released the October, 1970. That is 11,307 days before the towers fell.

01:50.61
gav
I swear it happened man yeah

01:51.02
Chibbs
There

01:54.18
Chibbs
you It's...

02:02.05
gav
It's a good number. It's a lot of them.

02:03.03
Chibbs
yeah it's

02:03.10
Bevo
He was about 11 when this came out too.

02:06.33
Chibbs
September 11. Yeah.

02:07.06
Bevo
Mikhail? Yeah.

02:08.53
gav
Wow. He was September 11 when this came out.

02:11.16
Chibbs
yeah It's written by...

02:12.29
gav
1970.

02:12.81
Chibbs
1970.

02:12.83
gav
When were the towers built?

02:13.43
Chibbs
it thats it seventy

02:13.91
gav
I feel like 1970, right? Is that right?

02:15.93
Chibbs
In the 70s, for sure.

02:16.96
Mad Dog
Were they?

02:17.53
gav
ah yeah

02:17.82
Chibbs
Yeah.

02:18.36
gav
Yeah, it's it's it's around there. Give me give me two seconds. Oh, 1973. 1973. ah

02:23.54
Bevo
it He's got the shortcut.

02:25.13
Chibbs
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. But yeah, there you go.

02:27.70
gav
oh nine in seventy three not in seventy three

02:29.08
Mad Dog
ah

02:30.77
Chibbs
It's...

02:30.89
Bevo
Ah. Didn't even know about it.

02:32.09
Chibbs
ah it's

02:32.41
gav
Built between 66 and 75, but yeah, dedicated on on in

02:35.05
Chibbs
There you go. It's written by Tommy Connor. Tommy Connor also wrote The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot, which basically predicts the psychological psychological damage from this song's premise.

02:48.63
Chibbs
But um

02:51.45
Mad Dog
Psychological damage.

02:52.57
Chibbs
did was this guy just making it right in Christmas songs? Like, he's just like, I just smashed a bunch of Christmas songs here.

02:58.70
Mad Dog
I'm only a Christmas musician.

03:00.60
Chibbs
He wrote multiple Christmas songs, but never actually celebrated.

03:01.24
Mad Dog
yeah

03:02.97
Bevo
Much like Santa, I'm busy one time a year.

03:05.78
Mad Dog
Yeah.

03:05.78
Chibbs
Yeah. Apparently, he never celebrated Christmas in any lavish way because he was famously frugal and private.

03:15.10
Bevo
bit of a Scrooge.

03:16.95
gav
awesome just who you picture when you think of Christmas

03:17.74
Mad Dog
Frugal.

03:19.46
Chibbs
Scrooge.

03:21.05
Mad Dog
right

03:21.90
Chibbs
It's Scrooge money. Yeah, yeah.

03:23.34
Bevo
What's his name again? Sorry. What was his name?

03:26.47
Chibbs
Tommy Connor.

03:28.36
Bevo
Tommy, come and open your presents.

03:28.68
Mad Dog
Yeah, it's...

03:28.93
gav
Komi Tonner laughing

03:30.07
Bevo
Not now. I'm writing. I'm composing.

03:32.22
Chibbs
Yeah.

03:33.46
Mad Dog
ah

03:34.66
Chibbs
How much did they cost?

03:35.03
Mad Dog
God damn it.

03:36.70
gav
Take him back to the store.

03:40.66
Chibbs
um The Catholic Church

03:42.04
Bevo
I've got 12 months before the next Christmas.

03:45.08
gav
Ha ha ha ha ha!

03:45.82
Chibbs
tried to ban the original in 1952, which was done by Jimmy Boyd, for implying that Santa was having an affair with a married woman. Catholic Church is so rolled up about shit in the 50s.

03:57.89
Chibbs
They need to look in their own.

03:58.14
Bevo
Yeah. Do you know, look you know the show, I love Lucy.

03:58.65
gav
yeah

03:59.45
Chibbs
Look in your own backyard, Catholic Church.

04:01.66
gav
ah

04:01.98
Chibbs
Yeah.

04:02.39
Bevo
You know, the show I Love Lucy, it's first I think it's the first show to show a woman a pregnant woman on screen.

04:08.15
Mad Dog
Is it?

04:08.70
Bevo
And maybe even to a married couple in bed together might be the first one for that too.

04:09.94
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:13.50
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:13.56
gav
well

04:14.58
Chibbs
It's also a mixed race couple.

04:14.88
Mad Dog
I think so.

04:16.76
Bevo
Yeah, that's controversial.

04:17.92
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:17.84
Bevo
The Flintstones as well, I think, was another one of the first ones have a couple in bed together.

04:20.86
Chibbs
They weren't mixed race. They were both caped they were cave people.

04:23.10
Bevo
okay

04:24.76
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:24.76
gav
ah

04:26.72
Mad Dog
They were Neanderthals.

04:26.82
Bevo
Homo erectus.

04:27.19
gav
Both an in an ambiguous cartoonish orange colour.

04:28.44
Mad Dog
Yeah.

04:31.61
gav
hu

04:31.61
Bevo
Neanderthal.

04:32.06
Mad Dog
good

04:33.31
Chibbs
I've watched the, I used to watch the Flintstones movie so much as a kid. The, like the John Goodman and Rick Moranis and yeah.

04:37.85
Bevo
With um John Goodman.

04:38.92
gav
Wilma! Yeah, the John Goodman one was sick.

04:41.07
Mad Dog
Oh, yes.

04:42.33
Chibbs
And yeah.

04:42.51
Bevo
B-52s. Yeah,

04:44.18
Chibbs
Halle Berry was the secretary. And um I remember right at the end, I don't know why, but just anytime I think about it, the, all the water gets mixed with the sand and shit from the quarry and makes cement, makes cement.

04:46.10
Bevo
yeah yep, yep.

04:46.74
Mad Dog
That's right.

04:59.08
gav
makes cement and that signals the end of the stone age

05:00.06
Chibbs
And, and,

05:00.73
Bevo
Oh, that's right.

05:02.14
Chibbs
Yeah, end of the stone age. And the owner of the quarry is like, this is genius, Flintstone. I'm going to name it after my daughter, Concretia.

05:13.33
Bevo
ah

05:13.62
gav
ah ah

05:16.92
Bevo
ah It's Rick Moranis, isn't it As Barney?

05:17.37
gav
who

05:17.40
Chibbs
And I'm like, this is gold. I get that. Yeah, Rick Moranis, yeah. and and um

05:21.59
Bevo
Yeah. yeah

05:22.74
Chibbs
And who the Rosie O'Donnell is Betty.

05:24.22
Bevo
Rosie O'Donnell as Betty. Yeah.

05:26.44
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah, yeah. um The scandal got so big by the Catholic Church that Jimmy Boyd had to meet with the Archbishop to explain that Santa was actually the kid's dad.

05:29.25
gav
fucking hell oh my god what the fuck

05:37.40
Chibbs
Jimmy Boyd was 13 at the time.

05:37.85
Bevo
You gotta believe me.

05:44.31
Bevo
No.

05:44.76
Mad Dog
And got called up to the Archbishop's office.

05:46.36
Chibbs
Yeah, they made a 13-year-old go to the Archbishop's office to get molested and say that Santa was actually the kid's dad.

05:53.27
Bevo
Wow.

05:54.72
gav
oh my god

05:54.94
Chibbs
Yeah. Yeah.

05:55.79
Bevo
Holy fucking hell.

05:57.66
Chibbs
um The Jackson 5 version, yeah, became...

05:58.42
gav
Different time.

05:58.23
Bevo
Wow.

05:58.68
Mad Dog
Wow.

05:58.98
gav
Hey, if if the if if the if if the Archbishop of anywhere tried to summon a 13-year-old to his office these days, that is just a media firestorm waiting to happen.

06:08.18
Bevo
I got to find out about this song.

06:10.49
Chibbs
ah

06:10.81
gav
Yeah, let's...

06:11.42
Mad Dog
Yeah.

06:11.58
Chibbs
ah what's this six seven about ah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

06:11.68
gav
LAUGHTER

06:14.23
Bevo
Bring a kid in and to explain it.

06:15.22
gav
ah

06:18.34
Chibbs
Leave us leave me with a child. um the jet The Jackson 5 version became the definitive version because Michael's high-pitched vocals matched the confused child vibe perfectly.

06:32.58
Chibbs
Motown rushed it.

06:33.05
Mad Dog
Yes! Not as cute when you're 35.

06:33.56
Bevo
yes

06:34.20
Chibbs
Rushed the Jackson 5.

06:34.10
Bevo
A vibe he maintained to the end of his life.

06:36.44
Chibbs
yeah

06:37.65
Mad Dog
Yes!

06:37.75
gav
yeah

06:39.20
Chibbs
Yeah! The head of Motown's just been like, God damn it, he's nailing this role. He's really a confused child.

06:43.99
Mad Dog
ah

06:45.53
gav
He doesn't miss.

06:45.53
Bevo
confused style.

06:47.22
Chibbs
yeah What's wrong with having what's roman have boys in your bed?

06:48.63
Mad Dog
not as cute when you're thirty five

06:53.18
Chibbs
It's a conf confused child. um Yeah, the Motown rushed the Jackson 5 Christmas album out because the boys were hot at the time and they wanted to sell it for the holiday season. Michael Jackson said in an interview that he genuinely thought Santa was real during the recording of this track.

07:10.90
gav
oh wow.

07:10.87
Bevo
Wow.

07:11.30
gav
There you go.

07:12.06
Mad Dog
And dicking down the whole

07:12.47
Chibbs
Yeah.

07:13.21
gav
and and for the And for the subsequent 20 years.

07:14.45
Chibbs
Chicken down the whole town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Until he got a monkey and then he thought that was a god.

07:18.68
Bevo
specific

07:21.66
Chibbs
Yeah.

07:23.16
Mad Dog
like Okay.

07:24.28
Chibbs
The song is now a meme every Christmas because people reinterpret the lyrics as something far more scandalous than the original intended. I don't know.

07:32.34
gav
Who would do that? Who would do such a thing?

07:34.30
Chibbs
Who would do that? It's produced by, i like The Corporation. The Corporation.

07:40.92
Mad Dog
That sounds Russian mafia.

07:41.02
gav
Perfect. Perfect.

07:43.38
Chibbs
The corporation are made up Barry Gordy, Font Mizzle, Freddie Perrin, and Deke Richards.

07:43.67
Mad Dog
Yeah.

07:43.54
Bevo
Professional.

07:47.26
Bevo
Yep.

07:53.75
Bevo
Very, very gaudy.

07:54.43
gav
Deke Richards!

07:55.09
Bevo
Famously the, uh, the father of, um, father or grandfather of Red Fu from, uh, LMFAO.

07:55.82
Mad Dog
Dick.

08:03.58
Chibbs
Oh, right.

08:03.67
Mad Dog
ah Oh, right.

08:05.37
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

08:06.62
gav
Oh, wow.

08:07.02
Mad Dog
Got it.

08:07.16
Bevo
Owner of Motown.

08:07.84
Chibbs
Barry Gordy is the is the Motown dude. Yeah.

08:10.86
gav
I'm not surprised that Redfu is a Nepo baby.

08:11.35
Mad Dog
Got it.

08:11.35
Chibbs
Yeah.

08:13.18
gav
Nepo baby was bound to happen on that.

08:14.07
Mad Dog
Oh, 100%. Yeah.

08:15.42
Bevo
they, um, I don't know if you know much about Motown, but they were so strict on like, they would put these kids through like performing school and like, and anyone that had the hit, they were the favorite and they would like really bump them up and everyone else was just like, fuck yeah, forget about it.

08:15.67
gav
Yeah.

08:15.70
Mad Dog
yeah

08:15.74
Chibbs
He's shuffling every day.

08:22.71
Chibbs
o

08:28.06
Chibbs
Yeah. Lionel Richie was on Joe Rogan not that long ago.

08:29.66
Bevo
And,

08:32.27
Chibbs
It's really good. He talks about being with Motown really early on with the Commodores and how um they were basically just like, ah nothing you do is as good as Marvin Gaye.

08:45.08
Chibbs
um All of this is absolute dog shit. And then if we want to release that, Marvin needs to basically approve it as well. Like...

08:53.85
gav
Oh my god.

08:53.88
Chibbs
it's like Marvin Gaye also has to say that this song is any good because I think it's rubbish compared to anything Marvin Gaye does. Yeah.

09:00.92
gav
Oh, fuck.

09:01.34
Chibbs
Yeah.

09:01.98
Mad Dog
Wow.

09:02.00
Bevo
nu's Yeah, there's a lot to look into with Motown. It's wild.

09:04.76
Chibbs
yeah

09:05.30
Bevo
wild

09:06.46
Chibbs
The corporation produced nearly all of Jackson 5's early hits. And the Christmas album, which included this track, was recorded while Jackson 5 were still children, but under an adult touring schedule, which was criticised as gruelling.

09:23.08
Bevo
Hmm.

09:23.64
Chibbs
Yeah. Yeah, there we are.

09:24.38
Mad Dog
Yes.

09:25.56
gav
Fucking just bet it was too.

09:27.72
Mad Dog
Need the money.

09:27.77
Chibbs
Big time. Is there a video, Gav?

09:31.16
gav
There is a video, Chibs.

09:32.91
Chibbs
Ooh!

09:46.88
gav
That's me! Santa is black and either getting cucked or cucking. Whichever it is, mummy is raising a little voya.

09:55.57
Mad Dog
you

09:57.24
gav
ah ah

09:58.20
Bevo
we um We all watched this before before we hit play.

09:58.84
Chibbs
yeah

10:01.00
Bevo
at um Chipsy's commentary was pretty funny. i I believe there was some milk spilled.

10:07.13
Chibbs
oh there's so many just innuendos in there of like yeah it's um there's a lot of spilt milk there's little white little white

10:07.35
gav
Yeah, so there's a lot of euphemisms, yeah.

10:17.30
gav
I think they're meant to look like snow.

10:18.15
Chibbs
I want to say, i want to say, sure, snow slash sperm that dances around the room after they shadow fuck.

10:18.86
gav
like It looks like it's meant to be snow blowing along, but it looks like cum. Yeah.

10:28.47
Chibbs
um

10:29.82
gav
Also, they shadow fuck.

10:30.23
Chibbs
And, oh, yeah, sorry.

10:30.81
Mad Dog
Shatter.

10:31.78
gav
You're going to bury the headline on that one, yeah.

10:32.94
Chibbs
I forgot they they were shadow fucking as well.

10:33.72
gav
Yeah.

10:36.66
Chibbs
Yeah. Yeah.

10:37.94
gav
But yeah, them bumping into the table and then a close-up of ah a glass of milk spilling and pumping its white fluid all over to the...

10:38.38
Mad Dog
Oh.

10:43.64
Chibbs
on dripping onto the floor. um

10:45.86
gav
dripping onto the floor.

10:46.58
Chibbs
yes

10:46.70
gav
as Pretty on the nose.

10:48.76
Chibbs
Sick fucks.

10:49.08
gav
um ah And then... So, opposite to our interpretation, it does seem to be...

10:52.40
Bevo
We

10:57.34
gav
the father dressed up as Santa banging the mum. But then the real Santa appears at the window and watches them fuck with the reindeers all like crowding around him being like, let me watch.

11:01.11
Chibbs
Sure.

11:06.26
Chibbs
Yeah. He's in no rush.

11:09.84
Mad Dog
The real Santa.

11:09.82
Chibbs
Yeah. Real Santa turns up and, yeah, he's in absolutely no rush to leave that window that he's just watching.

11:11.67
Bevo
forgot.

11:12.15
gav
The real... hu

11:17.19
Chibbs
He didn't even drop presents off.

11:17.53
gav
Yeah, he's just like, o yeah.

11:19.13
Chibbs
He didn't even drop any presents off.

11:19.67
Bevo
we forgot

11:20.81
Chibbs
He's just there going like, oh, it's fogging, fogging.

11:22.16
gav
He's like, this time the present's for me.

11:25.01
Chibbs
It's fogging the window up. Yeah.

11:30.36
gav
Yeah, they're trying to fuck and all they're hearing is like a... Like him like cleaning the window to get a better view.

11:37.05
Bevo
me

11:37.88
Chibbs
and atler scratching An scratching the glass.

11:38.29
Mad Dog
Eerie.

11:44.60
Chibbs
What was that? Nothing. It's probably a a fucking reindeer.

11:46.46
gav
Nothing.

11:47.60
Chibbs
don't know. Yeah,

11:48.38
gav
rud Rudolph's bright red nose in the window.

11:51.47
Chibbs
they think it's a police siren.

11:53.70
gav
ha ha ha ha.

11:55.13
Chibbs
um A set list? Is there a Jackson 5 set list where they play this?

11:57.46
Bevo
Yeah, found I did find one, actually.

11:59.58
Chibbs
Shut the fuck up.

11:59.78
Bevo
Yep.

12:00.10
gav
Oh, actually, shit, sorry.

11:59.94
Bevo
So hit it.

12:06.81
Bevo
Oh, double up.

12:07.03
Chibbs
Ah, shit.

12:07.78
gav
whoa he's doubled up, he's doubled up.

12:10.66
Chibbs
Ah, we ran the gauntlet.

12:11.45
Bevo
Trigger your finger.

12:12.60
Chibbs
We had to stop and start too many times.

12:12.86
Mad Dog
yeah

12:14.24
Chibbs
Now it's gone double.

12:14.84
gav
Yeah, that's what that's what happened.

12:15.61
Bevo
i

12:16.54
gav
um Sorry, just just just before we set this one comment from the video quotes, I'm going to tell daddy, a snitch already, what a world we live in.

12:16.70
Chibbs
Yeah.

12:16.74
Mad Dog
heyp

12:25.21
gav
Which I love.

12:25.89
Mad Dog
Snitch.

12:27.16
Chibbs
Snitch.

12:28.85
gav
A snitch already.

12:29.14
Chibbs
Fucking hell.

12:29.40
Mad Dog
did you see the Did you see the first comment like nine hours ago?

12:34.78
gav
Oh no, what was that?

12:35.03
Bevo
oh

12:35.44
Mad Dog
belive Michael.

12:39.19
gav
Oh,

12:41.30
Chibbs
Oh no.

12:41.99
Mad Dog
All capitals.

12:43.30
Chibbs
Yeah.

12:44.31
Mad Dog
Yeah.

12:44.69
Chibbs
Believes that he did see what he saw.

12:47.16
Mad Dog
Okay.

12:47.54
Chibbs
yeah

12:47.93
gav
um Sorry, can't believe it's actually...

12:48.58
Chibbs
It's like jack nichol Jack Nicholson on the stand, just screaming that you can't handle the truth.

12:49.82
Mad Dog
Yeah.

12:50.16
Bevo
yeah now i'm looking at youtube comments

12:53.66
Mad Dog
Yeah.

12:54.36
Chibbs
Yeah.

12:55.67
Bevo
all right so this is the only performance of it that i can see nashville municipal auditorium nashville tennessee usa on the 29th of december 1970 on their first national tour only seven songs um

12:59.79
gav
Wow.

13:05.67
Chibbs
Mm.

13:05.82
gav
Wow.

13:06.07
Chibbs
Fresh. Fresh.

13:07.56
Mad Dog
Wow.

13:11.86
Bevo
And nothing else Christmas related. This is the only Christmas song on the list.

13:15.54
Mad Dog
Sorry, what what was the date?

13:18.64
Bevo
29th of December. So just before the end of the year.

13:20.60
Mad Dog
Okay, so Christmas.

13:21.91
gav
Yeah, we're in this slot.

13:22.26
Mad Dog
Christmas.

13:22.91
gav
We're in this slot.

13:23.49
Mad Dog
Yeah.

13:23.26
Bevo
Christmas adjacent.

13:23.71
gav
um

13:24.18
Bevo
yeah

13:25.02
Mad Dog
Yeah.

13:26.58
Chibbs
Oh, yeah, third.

13:26.62
gav
Fourth.

13:30.30
Mad Dog
ah Fifth.

13:30.33
gav
hu

13:32.60
Bevo
Last.

13:33.98
Mad Dog
Last.

13:34.14
gav
Fuck off.

13:34.71
Bevo
no

13:35.18
gav
That's such a dick move.

13:35.33
Chibbs
Ah, shit.

13:37.73
gav
That's such a dick move. Yeah.

13:39.00
Bevo
And we'll leave you with this.

13:39.61
Chibbs
okay

13:41.91
Mad Dog
Yeah, that's shit.

13:43.85
Chibbs
Oh, damn it.

13:44.25
gav
That being said, it would have been like obviously being the holiday season, that would have been everywhere at the time. Like that song was released that year.

13:51.19
Chibbs
Sure, yeah.

13:52.12
Bevo
Off the back of I Want You Back and ABC and everything, yeah.

13:53.31
gav
It would have been massive. It would have been everywhere. I'm not that surprised they closed out with it really. And the fact that it was the only time they ever played it, that's pretty funny.

14:03.00
Chibbs
It's funny.

14:03.52
Mad Dog
Yeah, very good.

14:08.73
gav
ah Oh, you've done it now.

14:09.66
Chibbs
yeah It's charted, it was number one on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1952 when Jimmy Boyd's version came out. Jackson 5 version became a reoccurring hit, ah but and it regularly does return into the Billboard Holiday 100.

14:18.94
Mad Dog
right.

14:29.05
Chibbs
Why the fuck is that a Billboard chart?

14:31.93
gav
Yeah, that's a strange one.

14:33.97
Bevo
Oh, they just make up charts to make things a hit, I think.

14:34.23
Chibbs
Yeah. I guess. All right. But it is one of the most streamed Christmas songs globally every December. Yeah. But didn't go to number one.

14:43.25
Bevo
Wow.

14:43.97
Chibbs
Jimmy Boyd's version, the 13-year-old who was molested by the Catholic Church. His version went went to number one. ah

14:52.54
Bevo
The number one in the Catholic Church.

14:54.95
Chibbs
Yeah, let's play this. Yeah.

14:59.12
Mad Dog
That book was...

15:02.50
gav
No, but... One.

15:10.58
Chibbs
Well, that didn't double up. All right, cool.

15:12.54
gav
Amazing.

15:12.53
Chibbs
um

15:13.30
Bevo
It's a Christmas miracle.

15:15.00
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah.

15:15.83
gav
ah

15:15.92
Chibbs
It's a Michael Jackson miracle. The net worth, here we go. We've got... um Fuck, they they really go all over the place here. Let's go...

15:26.56
Chibbs
i'm going to tell you what Michael Jackson's net worth is. His estate is worth.

15:29.67
Bevo
we've done We've done it before. Mm-hmm.

15:31.26
Mad Dog
now like today

15:31.26
Chibbs
Yeah, okay.

15:31.42
gav
Yeah, hit us with it.

15:32.34
Chibbs
Yeah, as of 2025, estate is worth between million dollars u s

15:39.81
gav
I would have gone closer to a bill if I'd guessed. I don't remember last time we did MJ, but I would have gone...

15:42.38
Chibbs
It's a lot of payouts, lot of payouts.

15:43.61
gav
would have gone north.

15:44.06
Mad Dog
lot of yeah a lot of yeah

15:44.61
gav
Fair.

15:45.26
Chibbs
You've remember, he died before he made all his money.

15:47.64
Bevo
not A lot monkey alimony.

15:50.04
Chibbs
yeah

15:50.14
gav
ha

15:52.12
Chibbs
Yeah.

15:52.44
gav
fear

15:53.58
Chibbs
You've got Marlon Jackson with a net worth of $100 million. Okay?

16:00.61
Mad Dog
Are you kidding me?

16:00.59
Bevo
Wow.

16:00.92
gav
All right.

16:01.88
Chibbs
okay

16:02.13
gav
That's fucking a lot.

16:02.90
Chibbs
You've got Jackie Jackson who has a net worth of $200 million. Okay?

16:09.40
gav
Fuck.

16:13.06
Chibbs
You've got... No, here, let's guess Tito and Jermaine, because we mentioned them.

16:18.49
gav
ah All right.

16:18.67
Chibbs
They were the ones that he was trying... That's who he was trying to convince that he saw. Tito Jackson. What do you think Tito Jackson's net worth in 2025 is, Gav? All right, dog.

16:29.49
gav
Oh, fuck. It's either going to be super higher than I think or way fucking lower. um I'm going to go 50. Oh, fuck. 50 mil.

16:39.52
Chibbs
Dog.

16:40.31
Mad Dog
Is he dead?

16:42.49
Chibbs
I don't know. don't

16:43.90
Bevo
Yeah, I can't remember which ones are... Some of them are gone, some of them are not.

16:46.50
Mad Dog
I think he might be dead. um

16:48.08
Chibbs
think so.

16:49.21
Mad Dog
Yeah, so fuck.

16:50.24
Bevo
Well, maybe you did or maybe you didn't.

16:52.14
Chibbs
Okay.

16:53.02
Mad Dog
ah Give me 120 mil. Wow.

16:56.04
Chibbs
All right, Bev.

16:57.57
Bevo
I was going to say 80.

16:59.83
Chibbs
$10 million. Okay,

17:01.59
Mad Dog
well

17:01.43
Bevo
Yeah, okay.

17:02.30
gav
Jesus Christ.

17:02.90
Bevo
Oh, okay, so Michael and Tito are the dead ones.

17:05.82
Mad Dog
yeah

17:05.85
Chibbs
like okay so Tato's 10.

17:06.81
Bevo
Tito died last year.

17:07.19
Chibbs
Jermaine. Jermaine Jackson.

17:08.74
gav
million.

17:11.25
Chibbs
What's your main worth?

17:11.38
Mad Dog
Rich as a Nazi.

17:11.78
gav
Five million.

17:12.12
Mad Dog
Fuck it. 120.

17:12.40
Chibbs
What's your main worth, Gav?

17:14.49
gav
five

17:16.15
Chibbs
What? Mad dog?

17:16.30
Bevo
I'm sticking with mine. 80.

17:18.18
Mad Dog
Who are people?

17:21.14
Chibbs
What did you say about that?

17:21.72
gav
but

17:22.87
Bevo
Yeah.

17:24.34
Chibbs
80? Gavin! Five million dollars!

17:28.02
gav
oh Did I hit it? did i Yes, motherfucker. I nailed it.

17:32.31
Bevo
Why the other guy get so much? What's going on

17:34.52
Chibbs
Why?

17:34.55
gav
ah

17:35.28
Chibbs
it's I mean, this is you need more of an investigation into the Jackson finances here because, my God.

17:35.70
Mad Dog
who are these people

17:40.76
gav
Oh, my God.

17:40.95
Bevo
we come back to the We'll come back to the Jacksons then.

17:43.45
Chibbs
Yeah, we're going to have to just pick a Jermaine Jackson song and really do a deep dive.

17:46.07
gav
That could be a whole pod.

17:46.68
Bevo
Thank you.

17:48.28
Chibbs
yes

17:48.89
gav
Jesus Christ.

17:49.94
Chibbs
Yeah. Yeah, $10 million and $5 million for those, but the others are in the hundreds.

17:50.39
Mad Dog
Wow.

17:52.42
gav
It's been a while since I sniped one, actually. I'm pretty happy with that.

17:55.48
Chibbs
Yeah, that's good work.

17:56.38
Mad Dog
Yeah, nice, man.

17:56.52
Chibbs
It's bloody good work, at that. All right, let's rate this shit.

18:12.43
Chibbs
Oh, what are we writing out of?

18:15.29
gav
um

18:15.77
Chibbs
Oh, shit.

18:18.81
Mad Dog
um

18:18.87
gav
how many how many how many copies of the key to the cuck chastity fucking cage mummy has

18:19.13
Bevo
yeah well

18:22.71
Chibbs
Where was the

18:24.28
Bevo
How intense was the kiss?

18:26.58
Mad Dog
yeah How many north

18:26.61
Chibbs
kiss?

18:26.78
gav
a

18:26.79
Chibbs
Ten...

18:29.11
Chibbs
where was the kiss ah

18:32.41
Bevo
What kind of tickle was it?

18:32.82
gav
yeah

18:34.46
Mad Dog
how many North Polian STDs mum has?

18:34.78
gav
underneath his beard a how many raindaws were reindeers were jacking off outside the window

18:40.57
Chibbs
ten you

18:44.65
Chibbs
licking their cocks. That's how they jack off.

18:49.63
Chibbs
That's how reindeer jacks off.

18:51.00
gav
How do you see if it is?

18:51.60
Mad Dog
Reindeer.

18:52.84
gav
Oh, fuck

18:53.21
Bevo
Animal fact.

18:55.17
Chibbs
Animal fags.

18:56.70
gav
it up.

18:56.89
Chibbs
Animal fags.

18:57.30
gav
the

18:59.97
Bevo
Back for 2026.

19:02.01
gav
ah oh fuck know

19:04.78
Chibbs
Oh, shit. um Okay, 10, you would rather die than ever hear this song. Ken, one, it is in your Spotify rap. What do you get this out of 10, doggy?

19:14.52
Mad Dog
Oh, yeah. um Oh, look. I'm a bit grinchy at the best of times. so But then I hear this ear-piercing, window-shattering, cattle-walling.

19:29.27
Mad Dog
About, yeah, from some little creep, some little pervert.

19:29.30
gav
up

19:34.80
Bevo
voyeur wow

19:36.90
Mad Dog
really want to scratch my fucking cocklears out. um Give me a 10.

19:41.85
gav
<unk> Scratch your what?

19:43.11
Chibbs
Oh shit!

19:43.00
Bevo
wow

19:43.45
gav
Oh, shit. Wow.

19:47.35
Chibbs
Oh fuck, yeah we lost it.

19:48.76
Mad Dog
Give me a 10.

19:50.14
Chibbs
Yeah,

19:55.10
Chibbs
alright, fuck.

19:55.16
Mad Dog
ah don't like it.

19:55.38
gav
Amazing.

19:56.31
Chibbs
all I don't know.

19:56.48
Mad Dog
Yeah.

19:58.36
Chibbs
Oh shit, fucking Christ.

19:59.24
gav
Oh, we've had enough.

19:59.16
Bevo
Hey.

20:00.32
gav
We've had

20:00.94
Chibbs
Bevo, what do you give it?

20:00.88
Bevo
Reperture.

20:02.24
Chibbs
Yeah, it gets bad. Gav?

20:04.50
Bevo
ah I don't like it either. It's pretty close to a 10. I don't think it's a 10. It's a nine for me. It's bad.

20:10.14
Chibbs
yeah its bad gav

20:10.68
Mad Dog
ah Nice.

20:12.51
gav
enough.

20:12.41
Bevo
ah We didn't talk about that weird instrumental section.

20:13.50
gav
Yeah, i

20:16.34
Chibbs
What was the instrumental session?

20:16.66
gav
Oh, yeah, it's really jarring. if you the it just it just It just comes out of...

20:19.20
Bevo
It's like a long instrumental section in the middle that just doesn't...

20:19.93
Chibbs
charing

20:23.13
gav
Yeah. Yeah.

20:24.28
Bevo
It sounds like the backing for something that was supposed to happen and they never got around to it.

20:28.50
Chibbs
Oh.

20:28.76
gav
Yeah, it was like bringing a sax solo and then just they couldn't afford the sax solo or something.

20:31.32
Bevo
Yeah. Yeah.

20:32.98
Chibbs
Right.

20:35.64
Bevo
Sorry to interrupt to you there, Gav.

20:36.18
gav
um Yeah, it's not good.

20:36.29
Chibbs
Gav, what do you give it?

20:39.88
gav
It's not good. I don't think I'm quite in the same territory as these two, but it's only because, yeah, i'veve i've got I've got a lot of songs that I hate a lot more than this, but this is a seven for me.

20:50.19
gav
It's it's right up there.

20:52.04
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah, fair enough, fair enough. um I was actually dead on with you, Gab, as well, where I'm like, this isn't the worst. There's so many bad Christmas songs.

20:59.96
gav
o

21:00.60
Chibbs
This isn't the worst Christmas song I've ever heard.

21:01.24
gav
Yeah, fuck yeah.

21:02.20
Bevo
Fair enough.

21:02.48
Chibbs
um But it's pretty fucking bad, and I also gave it a seven.

21:06.90
gav
and Nice.

21:06.94
Mad Dog
Yeah, there you

21:07.70
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah.

21:08.22
Bevo
enough

21:08.53
Mad Dog
So it's a pretty shit song all around. Yeah.

21:10.61
Chibbs
Not a good song.

21:11.00
gav
Is that two weeks in a row you and me have hit the same score chips?

21:14.14
Chibbs
I don't know.

21:14.21
gav
Because that's...

21:14.82
Chibbs
We're like, we're syncing up.

21:15.38
gav
i fucking You and me have been level pegging on a couple lately, yeah, which is deeply concerning. you i like being I like being your polar opposite.

21:20.63
Chibbs
It really is. like ah ah it so It makes me so uneasy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21:24.34
gav
I know, it's not good.

21:25.28
Chibbs
That's why I haven't been sleeping well.

21:26.46
gav
It's like, i need to be...

21:30.59
Bevo
Does this wrap us up for 2025 episodes?

21:35.88
Chibbs
Where's the calendar at?

21:36.23
Bevo
Are we going to keep going?

21:36.74
Mad Dog
I have to go close. Okay.

21:39.06
Bevo
Should we do our wraps next week?

21:39.78
Chibbs
What's...

21:39.86
gav
I mean, we're recording this in we're we're we're recording this in February 2023, so let's just see.

21:46.94
Chibbs
um we we We would... No, I think we we could have an episode come out on the 29th.

21:55.08
Bevo
Let's do the wraps episode on the 29th instead of a song.

21:56.05
gav
Oh, nice.

21:57.13
Chibbs
On the 29th. Okay. All right.

21:58.37
gav
That's good. That's good.

21:58.84
Bevo
Let's talk about a wrap.

21:59.61
Chibbs
Next week, we'll do the rap. What if Spotify rap doesn't come out before then?

22:02.74
Bevo
then we're fucked and we we don't know what to do.

22:04.47
gav
we'll we'll have to We'll have to jig the schedule.

22:05.00
Bevo
We have to scramble.

22:06.75
gav
We'll have to jig the fucking schedule.

22:09.10
Chibbs
All right. We'll jiggle the books. Jiggle the books.

22:11.18
gav
chiggle Jiggle the balls.

22:11.42
Bevo
So until then, Merry Christmas, if you celebrate.

22:13.21
Chibbs
Yeah.

22:15.45
gav
Jiggle Santa's balls.

22:17.02
Bevo
Yep.

22:17.46
Chibbs
yep

22:17.72
gav
And if you see Mommy kissing Santa Claus, keep it to your fucking self.

22:17.74
Bevo
Don't get...

22:22.52
Mad Dog
hey

22:22.92
Chibbs
Yeah. No one to keep your mouth shut.

22:23.38
Mad Dog
You snitch.

22:24.67
Bevo
Ask for a test because you don't know where he's been.

22:25.24
Mad Dog
Yeah.

22:26.49
Bevo
Well, you do know where he's been and it's everywhere.

22:27.82
Chibbs
What you do is fucking everywhere.

22:29.27
gav
He's been everywhere.

22:29.66
Chibbs
Everywhere.

22:30.11
Mad Dog
Everywhere.

22:30.87
Chibbs
Yeah, yeah. He's already been through AIDS-ridden Africa.

22:32.18
gav
ah

22:34.16
Chibbs
Yeah.

22:34.87
Mad Dog
Yeah. He's got dengue.

22:35.71
Bevo
He's a...

22:37.14
Mad Dog
He's got AIDS.

22:38.47
gav
He's got Ross River.

22:38.62
Mad Dog
He's got Ebola.

22:39.63
gav
He's got Ross River virus for sure.

22:40.57
Chibbs
Ross River, yeah, he visited Gosford. Yeah.

22:43.83
Mad Dog
Yeah. Oh, Ross Rivers, like a sniffle for him.

22:46.30
Chibbs
so ah

22:50.79
Bevo
Ross Trickle.

22:51.99
Chibbs
yeah ah Thanks, fellas.

22:52.22
Mad Dog
yeah

22:53.18
gav
yeah

22:54.46
Chibbs
Merry Christmas. Everyone go fuck yourself.

22:55.58
Bevo
Merry Christmas. You are filthy animals.

23:22.81
Bevo
Long. Long. Overly long.

23:26.47
Chibbs
Fucking hell. Alright, yeah. See ya.