3 Hidden Triggers Behind Every Argument You Have

The Way You Show Up

The Way You Show Up
3 Hidden Triggers Behind Every Argument You Have
Jul 09, 2026
Kimberly Beam Holmes, PhD

You think the fight was about the medicine.

It wasn't.

It was never about the medicine, the dishes, the text you forgot to send, or who said what first.

Every argument you've ever had walked in carrying three invisible passengers.
 Your past.
 Your personality.
 Your point of view.

And your spouse brought their own three into the room, too.

In this video, I break down what's actually happening inside both people the moment a conversation starts to heat up. Why something as small as "please pick up my prescription" can turn into a full-blown rupture in under thirty seconds.

I'll walk you through the exact fight my husband and I had over a grocery run. What I felt. What he felt. And the three things I did in the hour after to flip it.

Calm down.
 Get curious instead of furious.
 Lean in.

Because here's the truth. You can't put the egg back in the shell once it cracks. But you can decide what happens next.

You can clean it up and pretend it never happened.
 Or you can flip it and make something out of it.

That's the difference between a rupture that quietly ends a marriage and a repair that makes it stronger.

And it's rarely the big betrayals that break people. It's the small cracks in the day-to-day that nobody ever goes back to fix.

I'll show you how to spot your three, understand theirs, and turn the next heated moment into a repair instead of a wound.


I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Thursday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

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