Not Romantically, Relationships and Communication To hike or not to hike S-6 E-14

A few things to keep in mind as you are developing relationship and what matters.  We discuss Gideon going on a Hike with his buddy, we discuss transactional relationships and maybe don't call just for help. 

And actually I think you started off by saying, well, there's all different types of relationships. There's a very transactional relationship. There's a deeper bonded relationship. There's family relationships, there's friendships. I would, I would challenge you and the listener to think about these relationships and how important they are and be able to classify them accordingly, because I think the last parting thought on it is make sure that you celebrate these big milestones with people.

And that looks different for everybody. It might be birthdays, might be anniversaries. It might be them graduating from college, them getting married, you know, whatever. Spend the time to, to celebrate their milestones and celebrate with them so that you have a stronger relationship. Any other thoughts on relationships?

I think something important to remember is also to not just forgive, but when you're the one to mess up, to say sorry, because I like that. I'm currently going through a course, it's digital marketing and analytics. So we talk a lot about. Keeping relationships with companies and one of the biggest things to grow like trust with company, which is huge in the marketing industry is when you have a problem to solve it quickly and efficiently and make the other party happier.

And from that, it there builds a stronger relationship than was there before. And I think that works with friendships or any other type of relationship too, is to say sorry when you're wrong and figure out the way, the right way to fix it, as 

powerful thanks Gideon, that was very powerful.

I think something that tags along 

on, well, wow, excuse me, something that tags along really well with that. It's something we used to say in a group I was a part of where one of our most important traits that we needed to have in order to be a valuable member of the group is vulnerability. So you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable so that we can all learn and grow at the same pace.

And so, like for me, like with relationships, it takes a certain level of vulnerability to take someone who is something you know, to someone you're in a relationship with, whether that be a, a friend, you know, colleague, you take some level of vulnerability to meet someone. So I think, I think vulnerability 

is important.

I like that. And as we've done, or doing more studies, Brene Brown is on vulnerability and, and that I think as a society we're understanding the, how critical that is and how important being vulnerable in that situation and allowing that to open up. To develop into a bigger relationship because if you're not vulnerable what happens you end up with a lot of transactional relationships Versus saying, Oh yeah, Hey, I really need your help.

And that's okay. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Great points, gentlemen. So listen, or go out there, celebrate the differences, be vulnerable. As for forgiveness, make it right. When you do something wrong, set your boundaries. And celebrate the victims and yep, and showing some support every once in a while. Go for that hike.

 Just so you guys know he's crying right now. So just we need to give 

Transcript

Dad: 0:05

that looks different for everybody. It might be birthdays, might be anniversaries. It might be them graduating from college, them getting married, you know, whatever. Spend the time to, to celebrate their milestones and celebrate with them so that you have a stronger relationship. Any other thoughts on relationships?

Gid: 0:28

I think something important to remember is also to not just forgive, but when you're the one to mess up, to say sorry, because I like that. I'm currently going through a course, it's digital marketing and analytics. So we talk a lot about. Keeping relationships with companies and one of the biggest things to grow like trust with company, which is huge in the marketing industry is when you have a problem to solve it quickly and efficiently and make the other party happier. And from that, it there builds a stronger relationship than was there before. And I think that works with friendships or any other type of relationship too, is to say sorry when you're wrong and figure out the way, the right way to fix it, as well as the forgiveness.

Dad: 3:44

Gideon, when was the last time a friend has asked you to do something with them? When was the last

Gid: 3:50

time? This

Dad: 3:51

week. Okay, do you have a date in mind? A date? August. Not like one to go on, but a date.

Gid: 3:58

Oh, like oh, okay.

Dad: 4:00

I was like, I'm kidding. I do mean, I do mean, do you have a time frame? When did that happen?

Gid: 4:05

I think it was like

Dad: 4:06

Monday. I would think it was today. I think it was in the last maybe two hours. You had a friend ask you to do something that you might not have wanted to do.

Gid: 4:16

Oh, yeah. No, I get what you mean.

Dad: 4:19

Do you want to share with the listener what happened? I didn't

Gid: 4:22

want to go on a hike.

Ashton: 4:25

What a sad guy. Who would reject a wonderful hike? That's so

Gid: 4:29

lame. A wonderful hike through the thick, thick, thick forest.

Dad: 4:34

Okay, so. You're so nice. Any guesses on what today's topic might be on then? Hikes. Might be. That's close. Nature walks. Relationships nice and the reason why I wanted to talk about relationships briefly I want a mom's favorite singers that she introduced me to Has these lyrics and he passed away this week Jimmy Buffett passed away. He has a song called fruitcakes he says here comes a big one relationships. We all got him. We all want him What do we do with them? Here we go. I'll tell you so his thing is He talks about how how in relationships we all want them. We all got them We don't know what to do with them when we've got them So today I want to talk a little bit about relationships because we all do have them, any I mean, let's list off some different types of relationships real quick for the listener to think about well You've

Ashton: 5:28

got for me. You've got parent relationships. You've got sibling relationships. You've got friend relationships. You've got other like extended family relationships Romantical romantical relationships again Good working relationships and

Dad: 5:44

want to be romantical relationships friendzones. Yep friendzones is a relationship I'd agree. So what does it take as you think through all those different types of relationships? What what are some of let's just maybe do and maybe it's an old Johnny Carson thing. Maybe the top ten Relationship things you need to have what are, and let's take a little bit of time. Do you want to, if you want to blow through all 10 of them or if you just want to do one, let's do one at a time and kind of talk about it for a second. I was going to say you need

Ashton: 6:11

another person to have a relationship with. That's step one.

Dad: 6:14

There's a interpersonal relationship and intrapersonal. Probably not. Okay. So you need another person, but what, what type of things do you need to do to keep a relationship going or, you know, not transactional, right? What's a transactional relationship? You go to the bank. Here's my deposit. Teller gives you back a receipt said, thanks for the deposit. What other, I mean, there's lots of transactional relationships. Oh

Ashton: 6:38

yeah, transactional one is easy. Like, I had an example come to mind where, like, I've done this and I've had it done to me where you text an old friend and you friend and you're like, hey, it's been a long time, hope you're doing well. Also, I need this thing, which for me is kind of transactional because you're still friends with that person and it's like, it's cool to talk to him, but it's still like the reason they're reaching out is because they need something or the reason you're reaching out is because you need something. So for me that becomes like a transactional

Dad: 7:09

thing. It might become a transactional situation, but it's probably not a transactional relationship. I see what you're saying. I can appreciate that. There's times that you're like, Oh, my, it's really not a friend. It's a transaction. That's a good point. Because if you text somebody out of the blue and say, Hey, I need this. They're like, Oh, great. Ashton again, wants to borrow my synthesizer, whatever. I don't know. Some other traditional transactional relationships. I think they've gone down. Right, like self checkout lanes now. Do you have to say anything to I love self checkout lanes. See, and it's funny to see all the old people, they hate them. They're like, I don't work here, why do I have to check out?

Gid: 7:51

Yeah, no, I was a cashier, so I got those people.

Ashton: 7:55

Mine is, I don't work here, why do I have to talk to anybody?

Dad: 7:57

Right, see that's, and that's just a different of age. So, so, transactional relationships I think are becoming less, so let's talk about more. Like relationships that either want to develop or that you have, what are some key components of, of relationships just in general, like a top 10.

Gid: 8:14

Oh, that's a lot. Okay, so

Dad: 8:17

let's just spend time on one at a time. Okay, so what's your top? I mean, it doesn't have to be your top one. Just just throw one out there important part of relationship

Gid: 8:25

An important part of relationship is connection Elaborate connection like, you know, the other person and you have something to connect over Like that's really the first part about meeting somebody is having something to connect with So like if you're at a convention or at school, you're like well You're at school, so that's a connection. You're at this convention, so that's a connection, Mike. I'd agree. There's just places to go with that, so a connection.

Ashton: 8:50

Combination of

Dad: 8:51

circumstance. Yeah, so I think that's how you would set one up and get one going. But let's say now that you've established a relationship, you're in a relationship. Maintaining it. Yeah, maintaining it. So sorry I didn't ask that. Alright. What do you think some of the top things that are needed in to maintain a relationship? Probably just keep in touch. Ooh. That's the main thing. That was my number one. I put down communication as number one. How different, how do you communicate?

Ashton: 9:17

Well I mean, you can call someone, text someone you know, reach out to them. A lot of times people post on social media, it's like if there's people that I'm trying to keep connections with, I'll always just like, comment or like or something to show like, hey, I'm still like, paying

Dad: 9:35

attention, you know. Yeah, and that's good for some people, right? That's enough. Right. And other people, they're going to need more than that. Right. Some people need a lot of communication, almost over communication. Other people want just that one touch. Hey, Ashna, right. Like your post, you know, or yeah. Happy birthday via text. It's probably good enough for some relationships and others. You need to pick up the phone and call them. And some of them, you know, sending a text means more to them. So you're going to text them, right? So the, the communication needs to be between really the two people, right? It's the sender and the receiver. But communication is a big one. I think sometimes relationships suffer because there's no check in miscommunications happen all the time. And we all spend a whole episode on communication. Yeah. Oh, we probably have four or three. So that's, that's good communication. Great. When you get in anything else that comes to mind.

Ashton: 12:32

This might be a fringe one, but honesty with someone that you're trying to trying to stay connected with friends with relationship with, yeah,

Dad: 12:39

I, I put that one just under like forgiveness, you know, relationship forgiveness is also resolved conflicts. It was probably buying, buying together. I think that's, I think

Ashton: 12:48

that's kind of what I was going for. Cause it's like, you know, in order to keep a healthy relationship, like the. Emotions and all that got to be healthy. You gotta keep yourself and the person you're in a relationship with all in a good

Dad: 13:00

good spot Good place. Yeah, and I think that that that check in right that that hey, how are we doing? You know, am I giving you what you need? Are you getting what you need now? Is that gonna happen in every relationship? I can tell you guys do it different the girls Right. Jeff, Jeff Fox really does a great line on that. He comes in and, and you know, little joke is that, Hey, Bob's getting a divorce. Okay. Does he need anything? I don't know. I didn't ask him, you know, how did you not ask him? Right? Yeah. The whole premise is, yeah, I gave you the one line text that I got from him. I'm getting a divorce. What else do you want from him? You know? But women, yeah. There's a lot more detail now. Yeah, yeah. Now that's not all women, but, but historically, right. So yeah, I think you're right. I think there needs to be that check-in and, and then that can bring up what. Is there ever any disagreements? Yes. Yep, that's how it works. So what would you call that? If you have a disagreement, what do you have to go through? Conflict resolution. Oh, I love it. Yep. Yep. Conflict resolution. And what, what might that be? Just calling out the conflict.

Ashton: 14:14

For me. Like, or.

Dad: 14:18

Honesty. Honesty is a big one. And sometimes though, do you as the other person always know what's bugging you about said offender and party? No, I don't. And sometimes that's the hardest part, right? Because you're like, look, I'm frustrated. You frustrated me, but I don't know exactly what it is that's frustrating me. Gideon

Ashton: 14:39

looks like he doesn't have the same experience ever.

Gid: 14:41

No, I connect. It's connected. Okay. Anyway, yeah.

Dad: 14:47

Keep going. Yeah. So, so with, with this going through the resolved conflicts, we, we, we've spent a bunch of time on resolved conflicts in the past, right? Talking through what, what are some of the things we talked through with resolving conflicts? Do you remember that? Make them. I feel, you know, you and I disagreed on that. We talked through that in one of our podcasts, but unresolving conflicts. What's a couple other things that helps, helps a relationship? Fun stuff, I think. Love it. Yeah. Fun stuff. I call it quality time, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. So to you going for the hike, was that quality time? That was time. That you

Ashton: 15:26

denied. Denied. You denied a friend of yours, that quality time. You're like

Gid: 15:31

looking at him as you're saying that, that's so mean.

Dad: 15:34

Anyways. Yeah, we're recording from the, the, the more expensive woodshed. We're up at the cabin today. I record an episode because we're actually on the holiday weekend. Yeah. Quality time is pretty important. Sometimes it's just time because the other party sometimes has to dictate what quality time is. Yeah. We've talked about that before too. Correct. Yeah. A lot of talk about quality time and having to spend time together. I think in order to have a really good relationship, you have to have some type of trust, right? You have to trust the other party. Yeah. And sometimes it's trusting not to do what you want. That's right. Trusting that they're going to do. They're going to be in their own, they see the world differently. Yeah, trusting

Ashton: 16:16

or understanding where someone's coming from. Cause you can either trust someone to be there or get, hold your back, get your back or whatever. Or you can trust someone to do what they're going to do anyway. Right,

Dad: 16:26

and I think that's that trust and respect, right? So you're like, look, I'm going to trust you to do this. I, you know, and there's a lot of times as a dad. We put you guys at a certain age or a certain situation and we'll go, Oh, you're always doing this. And you might've only done once. You might've done it 15 times, but it's always, you know, like that, that was 12 years ago. That's not, I'm not the same guy. Right. That trust and respect I think needs to be there in a good relationship. Another thing that has to happen is there needs to be some type of support. So when your friend goes, Hey, do you want to go hiking? No, just kidding. You should support that

Ashton: 17:05

friend.

Dad: 17:07

I'm just kidding. Wait. Any words Gideon? No. No, because there's other times that you support. Right? And there's other times that you support and help each other. And you really sometimes have to validate it. That leads into the next one. And that's really understanding the healthy boundaries. Right.

Ashton: 17:28

And in keeping with our example, Gideon set healthy boundaries, he needs it so much time.

Dad: 17:34

Do you feel picked on yet? This was not intended, when I actually came up with this, this is just a funny byproduct of it. No,

Gid: 17:40

it's fine. It's, it's, it's whatever. It's whatever.

Ashton: 17:44

Are you being, Gideon, are you being honest with us right now? No.

Dad: 17:48

Then you're going to have to forgive us later. What's a, what's a healthy boundary though? In this scenario, were you really setting a boundary? No, you just were like, dude, I'm not going to go. I'm not going to walk through that thick brush. I know there's nothing up there, but I'll help you. Did you not get him a radio and you had the radio by in case he got in trouble? But, but how's help setting up some healthy boundaries? Well, I've got, I've, for,

Ashton: 18:09

for me, someone who teaches in high schools and stuff I'm, I'm younger and so I can connect with teenagers a bit more, but you still need to have all those healthy boundaries. Because sometimes kids will be oh yeah, we're friends. And it's like, no, we're not.

Dad: 18:24

Yeah, I can be friendly. Right. But we're not friends. We're

Gid: 18:29

not about

Dad: 18:29

to go hang

18:30

out

Ashton: 18:30

later. Right, so it's just kind of like, that's a very important boundary. And there are other boundaries with, you know, other friends. Like, if you and your friends have different moral or standard systems, you can, like, if a friend group wants to do something that you don't want to be a part of, you can be like, hey, you know what, that's not really for me, that's a boundary of mine. They could have something on the flip side where,

Dad: 18:50

you know, it goes both ways. When is the easiest time to set up those boundaries? Do you think in a relationship? Now? Yeah. Early. Yeah. And if you haven't done so now's a great time. Why? Because if you've crossed in the past, they start maybe feeling like, oh, you just don't want to hang out with me. Instead of you just being really direct and that goes back to him to say, Hey, I felt like this situation crossed the line. I feel like you sharing like the guys working out in the gym. Hey, they're getting a divorced. Well, if you would have went and started asking all those personal questions, the guys would have been like, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro, you crossed my boundaries. Yeah, no, that's, you know, but, but I'm just here to lift, bro. I don't, yeah, this is, this is a boundary that you've now officially crossed, right? So. I think another, another one is, and this is part of that healthy boundaries. It's okay to be different, celebrate your differences. Say, Hey, it's okay. We are different. We're supposed to be different. And that's really been something that I've seen a lot in society right now is, is that you end up with the same friend groups, you end up with the same people, you hang out with the same people over and over. And so what happens is you, you don't celebrate the differences as much. I have a friend that I talked to on Facebook and him and I see the world very different and I'll reach out to him say, Hey, we're just going to see different on this one, but here's my two or three points, you know, of why I think I'm right. He can give two or three points. Normally he just defends his original post. And then I say, great, we're still good. And we move on. And I realized we're just different and that's okay. But it took me a while. I didn't, I didn't realize we could be different in like my twenties and thirties at that. If we didn't think the same, we didn't have anything to be friends with. What do you think? I think you guys as a younger generation understand that better than we did. I

20:39

think

Ashton: 20:39

that's fair. I think I think, yeah, it's easier than ever to separate yourself from people who you think differently from. Oh,

Dad: 20:46

good. Isolation almost,

Ashton: 20:47

right? Yeah, well, there's that, and then it's also like... Like, we live in a very what's the right word for it? Politically... Charged? Charged. Yeah, charged. It's not exactly what I'm looking for, but it works. Politically charged world where people share a lot of different opinions. And I know for me, it's, it's made it very important for me to separate the politics from the the end of the world. You know, so it may mean that I don't want to have a deeper friendship with that individual per se but we can still be fine colleagues, which is just another

Dad: 21:37

relationship, right? Yeah, that's a good point. It's a different type of relationship and you set different boundaries for it, right? And I think works work works. Companies work really hard at setting up boundaries like, Hey, we don't talk about this at work. Let's keep off politics out of the office. You know, let's keep romantic relationships out of the office, et cetera. So there's a lot involved in, in having good relationships and just having a relationship. And actually I think you started off by saying, well, there's all different types of relationships. There's a very transactional relationship. There's a deeper bonded relationship. There's family relationships, there's friendships. I would, I would challenge you and the listener to think about these relationships and how important they are and be able to classify them accordingly, because I think the last parting thought on it is make sure that you celebrate these big milestones with people. And that looks different for everybody. It might be birthdays, might be anniversaries. It might be them graduating from college, them getting married, you know, whatever. Spend the time to, to celebrate their milestones and celebrate with them so that you have a stronger relationship. Any other thoughts on relationships?

Gid: 23:02

I think something important to remember is also to not just forgive, but when you're the one to mess up, to say sorry, because I like that. I'm currently going through a course, it's digital marketing and analytics. So we talk a lot about. Keeping relationships with companies and one of the biggest things to grow like trust with company, which is huge in the marketing industry is when you have a problem to solve it quickly and efficiently and make the other party happier. And from that, it there builds a stronger relationship than was there before. And I think that works with friendships or any other type of relationship too, is to say sorry when you're wrong and figure out the way, the right way to fix it, as

Dad: 23:53

powerful thanks Gideon, that was very powerful. I think something that tags along

Ashton: 23:58

on, well, wow, excuse me, something that tags along really well with that. It's something we used to say in a group I was a part of where one of our most important traits that we needed to have in order to be a valuable member of the group is vulnerability. So you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable so that we can all learn and grow at the same pace. And so, like for me, like with relationships, it takes a certain level of vulnerability to take someone who is something you know, to someone you're in a relationship with, whether that be a, a friend, you know, colleague, you take some level of vulnerability to meet someone. So I think, I think vulnerability

Dad: 24:42

is important. I like that. And as we've done, or doing more studies, Brene Brown is on vulnerability and, and that I think as a society we're understanding the, how critical that is and how important being vulnerable in that situation and allowing that to open up. To develop into a bigger relationship because if you're not vulnerable what happens you end up with a lot of transactional relationships Versus saying, Oh yeah, Hey, I really need your help. And that's okay. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Great points, gentlemen. So listen, or go out there, celebrate the differences, be vulnerable. As for forgiveness, make it right. When you do something wrong, set your boundaries. And celebrate the victims and yep, and showing some support every once in a while. Go for that hike.

Ashton: 25:31

Just so you guys know he's crying right now. So just we need to give