Ashton, Gideon and I talk about What were you thinking! Ashton shaves his beard, Gideon does level 20 gymnastics but not at level 25. Dad keeps asking the kids what were you thinking! Good episode to think back on your life and determine what were you thinking. And how you can think about your new desired outcomes. We only hold a few of the indicators, such as how fast can I run. Then you will know what you were thinking!
Ashton, Gideon and I talk about What were you thinking! Ashton shaves his beard, Gideon does level 20 gymnastics but not at level 25. Dad keeps asking the kids what were you thinking! Good episode to think back on your life and determine what were you thinking. And how you can think about your new desired outcomes. We only hold a few of the indicators, such as how fast can I run. Then you will know what you were thinking!
He's probably not thinking. Is it appropriate to say, I wasn't thinking?
Ashton:I don't think that statement's ever true. Okay. So, so probably not because he's the brother was definitely thinking about something that was quitting his
Dad:job. Yeah, just
Gid:probably not thinking the right idea in mind.
Dad:Well, he wanted to keep his job. He just wanted to be paid more, which he thought was committed to him at some point in time. So you're right, Ashton. One day I walked into the kitchen and I saw Gideon with his hand on this bridge and his other hand was reached over to the countertop. So just to give the listener perspective, it's about three feet. And so he was putting one hand on the fridge, one hand on the... And at the time it was probably almost his whole arm span, but he was seeing how strong he was and he was kind of holding himself there. Gene grabbed the fridge door. He opens up the fridge door, which then causes Gideon to... Do you remember this situation? He falls right on the ground. And my question was, Gene, what were you thinking? What was his answer? Do you guys remember that? Nope. Dad. I don't remember any of this. Oh, do you remember this, Gideon? No, not really. Oh, you must have been knocked out or something. Probably. He looks at me with a straight face and goes, Dad, you told me I was, I'm still a kid, so I'm still brain dead. I wasn't thinking. And he goes, my brain's not fully formed until I'm 28, so I still wasn't thinking. Gene for ya. So when an adult asks you what were you thinking, sometimes these questions are really a chance to reflect and do some self examination. What are you thinking? How does that apply in the adulting context? When you're asked, what are you thinking? I
Gid:feel like whenever that question gets asked a little bit, my stomach is like ready to engulf my feelings.
Ashton:Because it's normally not a
Dad:positive. No, no, it's not, there's a couple ways this can be asked, right? It can be a self reflecting, like seriously, a learning experience. Accountability and decision making opportunity you could truly be seeking advice or you know that that's kind of the times that what are you thinking but you're right a lot of times that question is what were you thinking the reason why I ask it a lot is is the reflection and self examination or for a learning experience I think is where I use them the most I've seen guys text their boss and say I'm so upset at this job if you don't get it solved within the next you eight hours, I'm going to quit. What do you think that guy's thinking at that moment in time? He wants to quit. Yeah, he wants to quit. Or he wants the problem resolved. And he feels like he's maybe hit his last straw. What do you think a boss thinks when he gets that email?
Gid:This employee is not trustworthy. I don't care about the company. Being
Dad:selfish? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think when, when we hit those situations of what were you thinking? Yeah. Yeah. There's two different sides of that in that relationship or in that that interaction. But as an individual, you have to ask yourself, what is my desired result? Almost the better question before you go down that said action path. Like in that scenario, the guy wasn't being, didn't feel like he was being heard. So he types up this long text string and sends it to somebody at Friday night at six o'clock at night, threatening to quit if it's not resolved in the next eight hours. What was he thinking? He wanted to send a message. Yeah, he's frustrated. He's probably not thinking. Is it appropriate to say, I wasn't thinking?
Ashton:I don't think that statement's ever true. Okay. So, so probably not because he's the brother was definitely thinking about something that was quitting his
Dad:job. Yeah, just
Gid:probably not thinking the right idea in mind.
Dad:Well, he wanted to keep his job. He just wanted to be paid more, which he thought was committed to him at some point in time. So you're right, Ashton. He was probably thinking of all the times he was slighted. He was probably thinking of all the times that It didn't work out the right way. He was probably thinking of all the things that had upset him. So I would challenge us to go what are we thinking? Which really drives back to what result are we going for? What was Gene's purpose in opening the door? Probably wanted to get to some food. I think he wanted to make you fall. I really think he wanted to make you fall. That's my guess. I'm with Ashton on this one. I'm thinking If it was me. He thought it would be funny to see how long Gideon could hold on before he fell. Yeah. But what he wasn't thinking is that Oh, with Gideon having both his hands and his feet up in the air trying to hold himself up Falling hurts. Yeah, he's going to fall on his head. He's not going to hit anything but his butt or his head. So his thought was, to your point Ashton, he is probably thinking Oh, this is going to be funny. I want to see how long he can hold on. But he wasn't thinking through the next two or three steps that happened. How does that make you feel?
Gid:I just noticed that I was doing the
Dad:Iron Cross. You probably were trying.
Gid:You said my feet were in the air. That's like, freaking gymnastics level 20. Oh, 20, 000
Dad:20 levels in gymnastics, but you're right. You were doing something that was cool to you is just fun. And I've told you over and over, don't lean on those two things to the bugs me because you're going to rip the door off the fridge, but you weighed like 30 pounds. Still it would irritate me. As opposed to the 60 you're at now. Buck 60? 16? 116? Oh,
Gid:195. Just kidding. Yeah, you're right. It's a buck
Dad:60. 200 pounds. He's lying, dude. 200
Ashton:pounds of steel! Muscle mass
Dad:be going crazy nowadays. So, I would challenge us on, on that reflecting and self examination to think what do I want out of it. The other part of what are you thinking can be a learning experience. Sometimes you're not thinking. You've, you've not been in that situation. So it's truly a learning experience, you're like, I didn't know what to think. I've never been in this situation. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't you know, aware of it. The other one is on, I think the other time it gets used a lot is in accountability. Like you didn't show up. You didn't, you didn't text back. You didn't. Insert whatever there, like, what were you thinking is also another way to say what were you thinking about versus thinking about this job, thinking about the experience we're having, right? So I think it's important as adults that you take accountability. So when somebody asks you that, like Jean did, I wasn't thinking, I'm brain dead still. You should be honest with somebody, but you're right, I wasn't thinking about that. I can think of times when I've asked some people to do something and, and I don't get a full, good effort. I'd much rather somebody just own it and say, yeah, I'm distracted. I had a boss that I worked for for a while and he would stop me. I'd be talking about something, he'd stop, say, stop, hold on. I'm not thinking about what you're talking about. Yeah. I'm, I've got two things going on. I can only focus on one and you're not it right now. Yeah. How do you think I felt? Put down a little
Gid:bit, but I feel like. In a second, like a couple minutes later, you'd be like, okay, like that is better for my issue right now than him not listening. Correct.
Dad:A hundred percent. At first I was irritated. I was like, well, who is this guy? Right. And then I'm like, Oh, I'm kind of grateful that he was being honest about it. So I, as, as you go through these, I think it's okay to own it. I wasn't thinking that like Jean's answer was probably pretty genuine. I wasn't thinking, yeah, but it could be also going back up the other one that we were talking about. Where he should have self reflecting goes well I really wanted to see if Gideon could hold on while I opened the door and see if he was gonna
Ashton:fall Which I mean if Gideon was level 25 gymnastics, he'd be
Dad:instead of level 20. Yeah, five dang levels Yeah, those five dang levels that are just just out of reach You've been in Gymnastics for all that time and you just couldn't hit number Twenty five. What a shame.
Ashton:Yeah, the whole five
Dad:classes you went to before you realized they were too strict. They
Gid:were.
Dad:I couldn't do my backflips. That's all you wanted to do. He did. He did. He wanted to show me backflips. So make it, make it be willing to admit when you're, when you weren't thinking I used to have a boss that you'd be talking to him and he'd have his computer face so that he could see you. And he thought that he was tricking me and that I was, that he was actually paying attention to me. And if I would have said, what are you thinking about? He would have been like, I was looking at this car in KSL and I think I won't buy it or I will buy it. Cause he had no clue. If I asked him what I was talking about, he probably would have said, I don't know. But the other guy would go, hold on. I'm not paying attention to you right now. Let me look at this car I want to buy. Yeah. Okay. Ashton. Yes. What did you want to talk about? I,
Ashton:really appreciate when people do that. I personally have to do that a lot. Where it's like, hold on, hold on. Okay, like when I'm teaching, especially. you'll be answering someone's question, and then someone will come and ask you, and you're like, Okay, if I start to answer your question, I'm going to forget what I'm talking about over here. Give me two seconds.
Dad:I'll get back to you. So. I like that. Or hey, I'll cover that later. Right, if it interrupts your flow, you can say, Oh, great question. We'll get back to it. Right. Just don't forget to get back to it. Right. What are you thinking I think you can use this in decision making and here's why. A decision and you look back on a decision you recently made, think of a time that you're like recently that you made a decision, you went, huh, that sucks or that was awesome. The outcome could have been either side. Go back and. Think about what was I thinking when I made that decision, you know, as I've been trying to get better at golf, I get in my head a lot. I'm like, okay, I've got to keep this. My front arm, my left arm's got to be pretty, pretty straight, pretty locked in. I've spent a lot of time thinking, right. Try to make the right decision. I'll hit the ball and I'll go, okay, what did I do? Right. Yeah. Normally when I hit the ball good, I normally go, yeah, I'm the fricking man. Drop the club. Tiger woods. Tiger Woods. Flip. Do a little flip. Yeah. When I hit it bad, I throw the club.
Ashton:With a little bit of a
Dad:flip. Yeah. It's hard to tell which one I'm doing good or bad, right? Everybody looks at it and goes, I don't know what he's thinking. Literally. What is he thinking? I think it's okay though. Not in a golf scenario. Golf, you should get to where you're just hitting the ball, but it's okay to go back and look at a decision, whether it worked out in your favor against your favor. Go. What was I thinking at the moment? But that's okay. When you go back and re re reevaluate. Your decision any thoughts on that any anything come to mind on a decision you made recently that you go Hmm, what was I thinking or that you could pinpoint this was what I was thinking when I tried it And I didn't like that. I did like it.
Ashton:I have one. Do you I do have one. I do have one
Dad:I'm your phone. I'll record you as you talk about it. I'd
Ashton:rather not that's okay. Yeah So Normally, I have a beard. I don't anymore. And I've been, I've been thinking about it for a while. I was like, I really just want to shave. And then today I was in a hurry and I was like, I need to trim up my beard a little bit. I trimmed it and I was like, I fricking hate how it looks. And then, so I like went and trimmed it some more. Like I still hate it. And then my brain was like, Cut it off. I'm like, I'm not doing that. And then my brain's like, do it. And I was like, fine. And it was really dramatic. And I cut it off. And it actually, I think it put me through like a little bit of shock. Like I started shaking as I cut it off. It
Dad:was kind of crazy. Well becomes part of your identity, right?
Ashton:Yeah, well, and I've had it. I've had it for three years. Like I haven't been clean shaven in like three years. So it's a lot. I don't remember the full question. No, I'm not happy with this decision. I won't be doing it
Dad:again. But you go back to what you were thinking when you made that decision. Something led you up to that thought. Yeah. For the last month and a half. Sure. What was it?
Ashton:I'm going to refrain from answering that question. Okay. But I have, I have thoughts about it
Dad:for sure. Okay. That's fair. So as long as you know what they are, and then you can look through them and evaluate and say, Okay, did it really help me or did it hinder me? Right. With that decision. But we've got to realize that not all decisions, you're not controlling every input. So for shaving your face, if you're saying, I wanted it to help me run faster, right? When kids get new shoes, how many times I've seen new shoes help you guys run faster. Right. Why are you looking at me like that? You got, you would get new cleats and go, dad, look how fast I can run with these cleats on. And I could run so fast. I, you still are fast. These are upgrades. But, but the reality is the cleats were only one input of probably 30 different components to running
Ashton:faster. I look so cool now I can run even faster. Right. Yeah. Is
Dad:your, is having a less beard make you run faster? Yes.
Ashton:It may be. I'm more aerodynamic now. There you go. See, so. So
Dad:smooth, the air just goes right around. But it's only, then I should be really fast based on that conversation. But that's only one, component of it, right? So there's all these other factors. Do you have fast shoes? See, there you go. So see, you've only got one factor of the two. You need to be clean shaven and you have to have fast shoes. So you've got to, sometimes when we make a decision, we're like, Oh, it's all because I shaved my beard. I didn't shoot a deer today, right? Or, or I didn't totally unrelated insert reality there. It's all because I shaved my beard. My car broke down, knock on wood. I forgot to knock on wood. So something bad happened. That's how those things get started. And so it's okay to think back and say, okay, why did I do this? It didn't give me the outcome and that's okay, but be willing to rethink it. The next one is what were you thinking? I think there's a time that you can seek advice and guidance from somebody else. And what I mean by that is you go, Hey, this is what I'm thinking about doing. What are your thoughts? You spent time with me and asked me that for college. Gideon, you've asked me that at different times. You know, Hey, this is what I'm trying to get. This is a result I want. This is what I'm thinking about doing to help me get to that result. And then you can have that dialogue. Hey, I was thinking about dropping out of high school because I want to go live a van life. Okay, cool. That would result potentially in that. But how much is a van? So much money. So, so, so much money. So I would say, okay, could you make a little bit more money if you stayed in high school and maybe delayed the, the desired outcome? You know, six months or a year? So it's okay to, when what were you thinking, you've stood on this idea, you've thought about it, and you go, okay, I'm going to go talk to somebody who's been there. Who's done that. Who has that t shirt. And say, hey, I was going to do this, do you think it would help? Yeah. There's other times you have to say, Hey, thanks a lot for your advice, but I'm going to go do what I need to do. Right. Cause they're, we're all looking at it through our own lens. Even with you and Gideon, you guys are what? Eight years apart. Quick math. I think it's right. I'm 25. How old are you? 17 and eight years. Yeah. So, so at eight years apart, you guys are going to look at some things very differently. And other things you guys are going to be very close on or I'm going to be the outlier. Right. And sometimes the three of us are going to think very similar and, and mom will be outlier,? Based on shared experiences in life, things that have happened. Yeah. Okay. So when you're doing those as a, as a seeking advice and guidance and what were you thinking, you might want to say, okay, I'm going to temper that now had Jean asked me love picking on Jean cause he's not here right now, but Hey dad, what do you think would happen if I opened up the fridge door? I think you're going to drop Gideon on his butt. Oh, good. That's what I wanted to have happen. Right? He opens the door. Confirmed. Or I'd say, Oh Gene, I don't think anything will happen if you open that door. And Gene goes, I think Gideon will fall on his butt. I probably shouldn't open the door. It gets that it gets that chance for you to still seek advice but still go with what you want to. What are you thinking? We kind of summed it up in a few different areas. It's a good time to do self examination and reflect. It's a chance to use it as a learning and say, Okay, I did this input. I got this output. It drives accountability. It can help you with your decision making skills. It can help you go look for advice for others. Here's the key kicker. While it's important to reflect on the past and go, What was I thinking then? Like Scott Bell said, even in our podcast, when we had him on, don't judge your 25 year old self. With your 50 year old self knowledge. Meaning that you can't look back and say oh I shouldn't have shaved my beard because it was gonna piss me off because you didn't know until you did it. It's important to say as an adult especially there's gonna be times that we have to forgive ourself and say Okay, we're not even forgive ourselves. You don't have anything to forgive yourself from right you tried something it didn't work out You don't love it And you go, okay, cool Let's just move forward with it. And so Don't get so hung up on that. What were you thinking question? That it stops you from making decisions and moving forward right because just like the track shoes Having new shoes doesn't necessarily make you faster, but it can help Yeah, having the right short shorts can't make you faster, but it can help Right? Going to the gym every day and doing leg day is part of what makes you faster, potentially. But it's not all of it, right? There's so many factors that go inside of that. How cold was it? How was the wind? Did I have the right gear? Did I drink enough water? Whatever. I'm not an athlete. Well, I am an athlete. I have a resting heart rate of 54. I saw that. At age 50. So I guess I'm an athlete. Get in. I'll give you advice on how to run faster. Sounds good. Hit me. Just do it. So remember, there's a bunch of other factors when you step back and look at life and be patient with yourself. As you go through this adulting process, you're going to have to say, Hmm, I messed up. Or Hmm, there was two other factors I didn't consider. Or Hmm, I didn't think I'd encounter that cookie tonight when I was, when I was trying not to eat sweets, you know, so whatever that is that you're trying to accomplish, think about what was, what am I thinking? What do I want to get as my result
stay too new. You'll hear some fun outtakes and some bloopers of our star.
Ashton:That was a perfect minute and a half you nerd
Dad:She doesn't want to see the sausage being made.
Ashton:All right, gotta love them sausages.
Dad:All right, let's get Yep,
Ashton:we all heard you talk about making sausage I
Dad:needed to record something and I'm trying to think of how to do it Okay Something cuz we don't have a good. I mean our intro is pretty long right now. Yep Next we'll have our intro if you want to skip past that. Just hit fast forward for a minute and a half and you'll be into the rest of the episode. Thanks for joining us at Adulting Decrypted. There's an in the middle of that. Well, yeah,
Ashton:I thought you were just, I mean, they're gonna skip it if they want to skip it.
Dad:But they don't know how long to skip it necessarily, right? Is it a minute and a half or do you know how long you just Leave it out. Just get rid of it. Can you send me just the music? Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah, you can do that. It's just they said, yeah. I was reading about what Kevin said about getting, making them shorter, getting rid of them. I don't know. Yep. 30 seconds or less. Yep. Not two minutes and 30 seconds or more. It's not that long. No, I know, but I don't even know if the song's that long. Actually, I don't. The song is that long. I think the song's
Ashton:actually four
Dad:minutes. Think it's so we can do it at the end. Has somebody ever in your life asked.
Ashton:I was going to ask if we're trying to get
Dad:this all done right now. We're just trying to get the second one done. How long are you shooting for? 20 minutes or less. Okay. Good thing we waited. Ew! Who's got a watch on them? That's gross. Can you time it where I can see it?
Ashton:I got, do you want like a, this, I can give you one of these,
like
Dad:a fiver. Okay. Every five minutes. I'm not
Ashton:gonna do every, I'll give you the last five minutes. Okay, perfect. I'll give you, I'll give you a signal at 15
Dad:minutes. Just gimme a timer count. Got it. Thank you. Oh, well guys, I have a question, which I normally start'em with a question. Let's do it. Okay,
Ashton:let's start with a different question. What do you got dad?
Dad:Trying to think of how to do this. Hit me with a statement. One day, let's go this way. Ooh. Hit me with an observation effect.