We cover VIP dinners, how to send a compliment how to take one and what do do about it! Why it is important to give complements, get compliments and say Thank you! This was a fun way to spend an evening as you will hear from the bloopers section. We are exited about were this is going and what we are doing!
We cover VIP dinners, how to send a compliment how to take one and what do do about it! Why it is important to give complements, get compliments and say Thank you! This was a fun way to spend an evening as you will hear from the bloopers section. We are exited about were this is going and what we are doing!
Welcome to adulting decrypted today. We're going to talk about something that we do at the Allen household that I really enjoy as part of tradition. VIP dinner. Yeah, we do. When do you guys get your VIP dinners
Ashton:whenever I want? Well, that's probably not true. no. For special you events? Mainly birthdays. Actually, I think it's just birthdays. That what I'm think about. Yeah, it's just birthdays. Well, and you guys get Mother and Father's Day
Dad:too sometimes. Yeah. And then there's other days that we'll do it if somebody's having a hard time or, or needs some extra attention or they've been gone. Like Gene will get one even though it's not his, technically his birthday. So, and then we'll throw, you know, grandma and Grandpa's in there. If they come by, we'll do a v i p sometimes for them. So what does v I P dinner entail?
Ashton:It means
Gid:that the VIP which is what the person having
Ashton:a special day very important person So VIP stands for oh, is that what you were looking for
Dad:that part of it?
Gid:Yeah, but keep going I thought you were just like in who's the VIP? Yeah, I guess yeah anyways the VIP, it's to choose what to eat for dinner, which is a big deal. Yes, it's a big deal. And then they also as we start eating, everybody will go around the table and say one thing that they love
Dad:about that person. Good. I think this is great, even with a friend group, it might feel awkward, but if you hold a VIP dinner for somebody, and this is really what we're probably doing when we go out on a date. When you take somebody out on a special occasion, when you go over and spend time with somebody and you're, and you're making it about them, I think this would be a fun for listeners to think, who can I do a VIP dinner for? So the VIP dinner, like we said, it's, you get to pick what we're having for dinner and that's part of the fun of it. Do you guys remember some of your favorite VIP dinners?
Ashton:Well, to answer that question, I'd probably default to what I would ask for right now. Which would be? I always, I always crave veggie pizza. Now that sounds like an abomination to the world to those of you who aren't in the know. Our mom, your wife, so good. Makes a solid veggie pizza, basically homemade bread and with like this cream cheese, savory mixture. As the sauce. Ranch.
Dad:Ranch. I don't mean to give it away. It's not, it's not just ranch
Ashton:though. No, but it's a, it's, oh, it's a ranch's, like cream cheese with ranch powder mix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's a,
Dad:I mean, a special saw, a special secret. Don't tell anybody.
Ashton:It's savory, but anyway. And then just a bunch of finely chopped vegetables on top of it goes, it's just super good. It is so good. So like if I had to ask, if, if it was mine right now that's probably what I'd go for. And then typically you get a dessert with that too, like. There's been brownies, there's been chocolate chip cookies, there's been cake, there's, you know, just about anything you can think of.
Gid:My go to is always egg rolls and wontons. So good. Then I had a Claire cake for my
Ashton:birthday.
Dad:What's yours, dad? You know, I, I think it's interesting, Ashton, go to veggie pizza because I think it is specific sometimes to what mood you're in or what you're thinking about And what's funny about my VIP since I like steak mom normally makes everything else So she'll make the baked potato and she'll get everything else ready. And I'm like, okay, I'll go cook the steaks because Hey, I love a good medium rare ribeye especially off the grill off my own doing real man knows how he wants it. That's right. And so she doesn't mess with that, you know, but, but other VIP dinners we've done is orange chicken. There's been plenty of homemade. Like a special salad mom makes that cranberry salad with pretzels in it, you know, so it's really a chance to ask for anything that you're craving that mom makes or that she can learn to make. Have you ever done a hot pot? I don't think we have, it's been a
Ashton:minute for VIP. I think I have my next idea, but
Dad:I think, I think we're ready for a hot pot, which is pretty fun to do. It's that's where you put meat. It's like a fondue. It's a Chinese version of a fondue. If anybody hasn't tried a hot pot, it's good and do it, hit us up and we'll make one for you. So then what we, the next thing we do is we get to talk about the person and getting you kind of hit on this is we talk about, In the house because it's, it's family. We say what I love about person. Yeah. Whoever's VIP it is. If you've got a friend group or if you're doing it in a work setting, it doesn't have to be, I love, you could say, I appreciate, or I admire, and then it has to be a, it has to be specific. It can't be a thing. You know, for example, we're sitting around this table. I couldn't say, you know what I really love about Ashton is his shirt that he's wearing. Thanks, man. Right. It's a compliment. It is a compliment. You can say, Hey, nice shirt or nice. But to, use that a lot of times people, it's a very superficial, like if you haven't met somebody, I think that's a really nice compliment. I really like your shirt. Nice shirt you're wearing today. Even somebody you do know, you know, Hey, that's, I hadn't noticed this before. That's a knife, nice golf bag. People love hearing compliments. I think it's always
Ashton:good.
Gid:I think one way that would be fun to add to that compliment is like I like your choice and shirt. Yeah, that means that puts it on them that they have like that Instead of just like hey, you have a cool shirt on it's like you chose a cool shirt. So it's like I like that. You're accepting that they had a thought into
Dad:having that cool shirt. Thank you. I appreciate that. And then the other thing we try and avoid is appearance thing, right? Because sitting around a dinner table around the family, we should know each other deeper, right? Like Gideon, I love your choice of eyes. No, I think you did. Yeah, I wouldn't,
Ashton:I don't want to. Was that
Dad:pretty funny to you, Ashton?
Ashton:But, no, no, I'm good. No, I'm good.
Dad:I
Gid:didn't get them from you or Mom, actually.
Dad:I don't, I don't want to know then. Oh, whoa. I think you said I'm not. Yeah, that's right. Alright. I'm not his dad apparently because he got a mom. I know where he came from. I saw him.
Ashton:Whoa. So about the, about the not what not to say. Yeah, so that is one, right?
Dad:So let's compliment an attribute, right? So I know Gideon well enough, you know, that, that I could say Gideon, what I love about Gideon is his ability to work hard and to go after a goal and pursue it. Those are the kind of things that we do around the dinner table. So that we get a closer connection. Is that hard to hear sometimes from others? Wait, rephrase that. Sorry. Yeah. When somebody pays you a compliment like that, is that hard to hear sometimes? Or does
Ashton:I'll use a specific example from me personally my birthday was Just over a month ago, and at my VIP dinner, something that Gideon said about me was that I was Able to find a sense of humor in a lot of different situations Whether it be about my personal weaknesses or You know or you know, just fun stuff that we're doing And that was good for me to hear at the time just because of, you know, stuff that I was going through or, you know, just then I, for some reason, that one has still kind of stuck with me and I'm, and it's been something that I've been trying to make sure that I continue doing as well. So those, those sorts of things do have a good impact. But yes, long answer to your short question. Sometimes it is hard to hear.
Dad:That's why they have to be genuine and sincere, right? Cause you're right. As the person receiving that compliment, if you're like, Oh wait, he's trying to manipulate me to act a certain way. It would not be as well received. For example, if I said one thing I love about Gideon is his dedication to eating ice cream every night, I would be like, hey, Gideon, eat more ice cream with me. Right? It's not a real compliment. It's not genuine. It's not sincere.
Ashton:It has an ulterior motive, which can be felt. Believe it or not.
Dad:It's a great observation, Ashton, that the genuineness of the, of the compliment needs to be there as well. So now somebody gives you a compliment, how do you, respond to that? But maybe let's think about what we're trained to do, what we've trained and talked about at the family. What do we do? Say thank you. That's it. That's simple. What happens in real life?
Ashton:No,
Dad:stop, stop, stop.
Ashton:One of the ones I go to, so I don't know about that. Or simple thanks. Simple thanks does happen. But I did that today. Had a guy pay a compliment. Said, well, I don't really know about that, but thank
Dad:you. Right, so when you say I don't know about that, what are you saying to that other person? I don't
Ashton:believe you. I don't I for me it's like I you can probably believe that but I don't believe that about myself Personally sometimes yeah,
Dad:you're also though. Let's say that Gideon said hey you chose a nice shirt today And the other person's response was well, I don't know about that
Gid:I think it can be taken multiple directions, because like I said before the person who said the compliment could be like, Oh, they, they don't believe me. But at the same time, that person could also think, Oh, they don't think very highly of themselves and their choice of clothing. Maybe they had an accident this morning and spilled coffee on the shirt that they really wanted to wear. So they ended up wearing this one instead. So it's like,
Dad:As a center of the compliment, we're now turning to the center of the compliment and saying, Hey, trying to cipher. What am I really saying by that statement versus saying thank you
Ashton:It was partially questioning their judgment to like it makes it obvious to be like, okay, maybe
Dad:Headed gentleman who was helping me with the chimney in the cabin. Let's say are you sure? Are you sure? Finally, he looked at me and said, man, I've been doing this for 30 years. You can ask me all the questions you want, but I'm sure it's probably not one of them. And I like that because it forced me to think differently and ask, hey, how does that work? Not, are you sure? Or a question that sounded like I was doubting, but a question that would say, for example, Hey, you have a nice shirt or good choice on a shirt. Well, thank you. Why, why did that work for you? Or why did, why do you think that sure works so that you as the wearer, if you're not sure that, Hey, did I pick out a good shirt? You start to understand the person so you can ask a follow up question. Hey, I really appreciated asking how you ran the band like this Oh good. I hadn't noticed. I wasn't sure which way to go and I tried that What do you think if I would have done this would have gave me a different result or? So there's two ways to do that. It's either. Thank you when mom and I discussed it and we started doing VIP dinners I wanted my children to be able to take a compliment with that Somebody gave them and and I think thank you is just the easiest one, another level to that and it's thank you Why do you say that or what? What did you notice that invalidated Because I listened and instead of saying, well, I don't know about that. I said, well, that's interesting. You observe that. I wasn't sure how that was going to work. Yeah. What did you like about that? What could I have done different? You know, and so then you're still opening up for a dialogue. You're still saying, I'm not sure. Cause you're, you're not 100 percent sure that you liked it. But now you've started this dialogue that you can actually have a conversation and you've also like.
Ashton:Shared with them that their opinion is validated,
Dad:One of the the things I highlighted is don't deny or don't dispute it because it's like the improv game That we've played and that you've seen played the first thing that you're not allowed to do is say no or deny Because as soon as you do that, you've broke the scene and you're starting over Yeah, you're like an improv game. You watch somebody like oh you're fishing. No, I'm actually Looking through a telescope. Well, now the person is going, well, where, Oh, where do I take this? I've totally misread that conversation in an improv game, but in, in a compliment, you say no or deny it. People are like, Oh, I'm done. Okay. I'll go compliment somebody else that wants to hear from me and wants to have a dialogue.
Ashton:After the whole compliment section. Yeah. Actually before we jump there. Can I say something about that too something i've always Really appreciated. I mean you've kind of talked about it too, but something i've always really appreciated about the vip dinner is The vulnerability it takes to be the sender of, of those sorts of compliments, because it's deeper than saying, you know, I like your shirt. Right? Like those sorts of compliments where you have to, what's the word? Cosmetic compliment. It's a, it's a life compliment, a per or a personal trait compliment. The, vulnerability it takes and the sincerity that it takes as the, as the sender is for me always been valuable and it allows you to be more sincere and more intrinsic about compliments in real life because it's the, the, the, Oh, I like your shirt. Compliments are easy, but going up to someone who you work with professionally or a really good friend, it could be very much harder to be. Able to say, you know, I really like the way that you deal with adversity. I think you handle that really, really well. There's, there's more to that than there is. I like your shirt. And so that's something that I've always liked
Dad:about. So just to restate doing this as a family dinner and learning how to saying the compliment. Helped you to come from a more vulnerable place when you're dealing with others
Ashton:Yeah, and and it also opened up the lens to seeking to say those more sincere things.
Dad:I agree Thank you Ashton. Very helpful.
Ashton:I don't know about that You're right.
Dad:I don't know anything. So can I
Ashton:ask you why you thought that was helpful?
Dad:last thing that we do around the table for VIP dinners, we go through you game, just a very basic one. And, and part of the reason why we put that in is because as you guys grow and change and develop, We, we assumed that some of your tastes would change, grow and develop as well, right? So a common question that's asked what is and the way we pose it is kind of interesting because We're asking whoever comes up with the questions really asking everybody around the table to make a guess While the individual that it's being asked about has to think about what the answer is So for example, if I were to pose that question I would say what is Ashton's favorite color? And now Gideon and I both have a chance to think about it and we'll say it. Cyan. No. And wrong. And Ashton gets a chance to dispute that because obviously it's his favorite color.
Ashton:That is not my favorite
Dad:color. And I would guess blue.
Ashton:Hmm, you're closer, but I'm still probably gonna say no
Dad:on that one. And then it's red. Go
Ashton:Utes. Ah, red's pretty good, but not my favorite. I actually have been stuck by this one for a while like deep purple. I'm into
Dad:deep purple. There you go See and that's royal and that's one of those things It's kind of just that doesn't change our relationship now that I know Ashton's deep purple No, but it's fun to know right and then there's other stuff that actually does Open up the conversation for further exploration when we Ashton's dream vacation? And then you'd say oh, I want to go back and see the Music halls of Tanganya. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Perfect. Spot on. Right. But then that allows the dialogue. Well, what about those music halls? Do you want to go see, or I don't have a guest, right. Or my guess is so, Oh, he wants to go to Nashville. He's like, not really a big country music fan. Right. But it opens up that dialogue and allows us to get to know you better. And, can I share a classic? Please.
Ashton:Would dad rather...
Dad:That was not part of that game though, that was just a game. It wasn't a VIP dinner. You
Ashton:cannot say that it has not appeared in every VIP dinner
Dad:since. It has, but that's not where it came from.
Ashton:He's just defensive because he doesn't like his answer to this question.
Dad:Okay, go ahead, Sabrina. The question is,
Ashton:dad... Yes? Would you rather eat a triple chocolate cake...
Gid:Dad doesn't
Ashton:like chocolate. Or... Climb a tree to survive.
Dad:From a bear attack. Oh, well, it wasn't
Ashton:that specific when it originated, but yeah, it was. She literally went Would you rather eat a triple chocolate cake or climb a tree to survive and we're all like
Dad:from what? That's right. That's right. She had to
Ashton:think of something.
Dad:That's right. That's right. And it was actually up camping That's why the tree came in play, I think.
Ashton:There's a few other things that came into play that we're not going to use, but yeah, that's very
Dad:wise. And, and I think the triple, triple chocolate cake, cause all the kids are craving a sweet at that point. Time after that hike. It was a long hike. Yeah. That is, that has come into play everyone. And, and it doesn't develop any more detail for me because it's still, I don't want to die yet. So I guess if I ever said, well, I'd rather die than, than everybody would start to worry. Cause I, I've always chosen to eat the triple chocolate cake so far. Let's hope that doesn't change. So far. Okay. So yeah, so playing those fun games, just it allows us to get to know each other better and allows us to open that dialogue. And, and to the listener, throw a VIP dinner for one of your friends, have a special night for somebody. Maybe it's as an apartment, you do it as it might be. It's as a group of friends that you say, Hey, where do you want to go to dinner tonight? Let them pick and then play some of these games and work on complimenting each other, work on getting to know them by asking them deeper questions. And as we do this, we will continue to form deeper and better relationships.
Gid:And of course, we always want to know how it goes. So let us know.
Ashton:Part of your new website pushing it which is really dope, everyone check it out. But it's a consulting website if I'm not mistaken, and largely motivational helping businesses with connect with their employees. I think from what I gathered with that, like I feel like it'd be a really good exercise for those groups of people. Just to be like, can, can an employer sit with their employees around the table and say, I appreciate you because of X and can employees do that with each other? Because it's another
Dad:connection thing. I like that. Thank you. I'm very vulnerability opportunity. Yeah. It's a process and people improvement company. So thank you, Ashley. Thanks for the shameless plug. Thank you. Shameless.
Hey listener real quick. This is the data coming to you. Stay tuned after the episode. For some funny outtakes that didn't make it in the episode.
Ashton:It awkward? I think I wouldn't say it's hard to hear. I think sometimes for me, it's like you, you question the validity sometimes. Like for me. And so, and then it also kind of creates, like, I don't know, on the flip side though it can be very nice to hear because you could be feeling a sense of insecurity in a specific area. I'll use, I'll use a specific example, actually. My birthday was last month, actually. Oh, dang it. It's later in September than I thought it was. I was gonna say a month ago. It's been longer than a month. Anyway when we had mine, something I remember is Gideon said something that he loved about me was that... I could find the fun in a lot of situations. And for me, like at the moment that I was like, Oh yeah, thanks man. You know, I appreciate that. It because like there was, there was things that I was trying to figure out and balance around that that same time. So it was, it was, it was good for me to hear. So like on one hand, sometimes you can question what people have to say. And then on other hand, Like like it's gonna
Dad:stop real quick Cuz I complimented you early on you not using like all the time and you used like 20 times in that Let's try the whole thing one more time. Oh, I
Ashton:don't know if
Dad:I can do that again Starting from what I enjoyed appreciated from getting was Yes
Ashton:Okay, so I'm gonna I'm going to really rewind then because all right So
Dad:Right. And that's, and that's what I'm working on, is not saying right all the time. Correct. Ha
Ashton:ha ha. Is that different? No,
Dad:it's not. Correct.
Gid:You're correct. You're,
Ashton:you're not... Correct.
Dad:Ha ha ha
Ashton:Yes So you are playing footsies, apparently now they're both gone.
Dad:All right, the