S-7 E-3 Sextortion

In this episode we discuss a scary trend that every parent, grandparent and adult decrypted listener needs to know about.  Thanks #CrimeJunkies for the info.  We cover what it is, who to talk to and the dangers of being scammed as well as trying to go forward with confidence.  PLEASE share this with everyone.  Be willing to talk around the kitchen table or at the grocery store.  Everyone deserves to live their best life and not walk around with this type of anxiety or pressure.  Find this and many other episodes by category on our website. https://adultingdecrypted.com/episode-search/

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Adulting Decrypted. We are your hosts. I'm Gene, and I'm starting my first year of college. I'm Ashton. I'm a music performer, composer, and educator. I'm Dean, a high school senior. I'm Roscoe, the dad. Those are my three sons, and this is Adulting Decrypted, where we discuss ways to become adults and the things we need to know to be successful in life.

Dad 0:25

Hey, guys. Today's topic's a little bit heavy it's something that has been rising in the news. We're hearing more about it. Caught my attention on KSL a couple months ago, and I was trying to figure out KSL here. Locally is our, newspaper digital newspaper right now. For me, it's also, a television station, I came across an article and it's called sextortion, and it was an Idaho Falls young man, 17 years old. He got a message from what he thought was a young woman, got him to take some pictures inappropriate pictures, some pictures nudes the next thing you know, they started exploiting him and by 3 a died by suicide so you know, it got me thinking, you know, about it then, and we got busy with winter and Christmas and everything that was going on, and so I'd put it off, and then I was listening to Crime Junkie, and they talked about two stories of Asia Anderson and Walker Montgomery. Spoke about the rising threat of sextortion So I guess the, the question is young man, have you guys heard of this?

Gene 1:38

I have, actually. Well I was on the mission. There was actually a couple different. Courses they had us go through and they talked about these different ways of people getting exploited like phishing other types of scams and sextortion was one of those and so it had us go through that course And they're like, hey, how do you recognize it? What to do when you notice it and like when you should The word they like to use was eject like from an

Dad 2:05

airplane that's crashing Perfect. Thank you, Jean. That's great. That'll give us a basis for the conversation. Because I hadn't heard much about it. Ashton or Gideon?

Ashton 2:15

Well, I had heard about it as a means for financial gain for scammers. It's just another scam, but instead of preying on an elderly individual who doesn't understand the reality of tech support, it preys on young teenage boys who lack a support net. A comfortable place to go, and so they use it as a way to gain financial means from it. They'll say, hey, pay me this much and I'll move on but it just becomes, and then the cycle, because if you pay them, then you're willing to pay them again, and so, it's just a cruel way for some people to make money.

Gideon 2:54

Yeah, I've heard about it briefly as well, but Ashton explained it

Dad 2:58

amazing. Perfect. You know, the only thing, Ashton, that might be a little bit different on there is, you mentioned that they didn't have the support system. I think some of these young people do, they just didn't know how to use it, if that makes any sense. Because it is pretty embarrassing, I'd imagine. The first case that I was listening to is of Asia Anderson and talked through how she would been put in the cycle from a boy that she liked, she took a picture for and send it, you know, to him and then he swore he wouldn't share it with anybody she gets this message and it says, Hey, we need, I want some more sexual images. And she's like, well, how do I know that you even have them? And he described her room Oh, he must have them. And then he would convince her to do more and more inappropriate, you know, or, or adult material. And that's what he did. And he was doing it after they caught him. They found that he's doing it 18 hours a day and and really kind of making a he wasn't even making a living. Ironically, action. It was just for his own personal control or power over somebody else. Walker Montgomery, his his story was more like the first one that I shared where he died by suicide. and we have an episode about that. Please go listen to it if you need help. If you find yourself in this situation, reach out. To help so that's that's the first part of it, and then we'll go into some of the other stuff Is there anything else you guys wanted to share real quick?

Gene 4:27

No, I think it'll be an important topic to cover because especially since it is this demographic of those who are in the adulting phase those who are still developing and finding out who they

Dad 4:39

are. Yep, for their parents and then also for their siblings, right? If Gideon didn't feel comfortable reaching out to me, I'd hope that he'd feel comfortable reaching out to Ashton or to Gene and saying, Hey, I've got myself in trouble here. I need some help. Does that make sense? So sometimes it's not even for the listener. It's for the listener's friend. And so that's why we're willing to sit down and do these harder topics. So first off, it's kind of recognizing the signs of sextortion. Gene, I liked your analogy of eject yourself from the situation. So if you're fine with us leveraging that concept, The first one is unsolicited requests. So be aware of unsolicited messages from friend requests, right? Especially from unknown or suspicious accounts so extortion often begins with seemingly seemingly harmless interactions that escalate over time if this sounds like I'm reading Direct it is because I am it's from Something I put together to go over the topics so that I didn't miss points and kind of took some stuff from crime junkies website So I appreciate their information as well as some other stuff so if it sounds like it's coming from there because it is it's not something that's I, I'm not the expert on it, I just heard about it, right? And I just wanted, I'd feel like I would be a coward if I didn't talk about it. Unsolicited requests. Does that ever happen? How do you guys see those? I mean, I'm not a tech suave user, right? So I don't know what that looks like.

Ashton 6:00

Unsolicited requests. Sometimes, I've had a couple where you'll get, like, friend requests from a very scandalous looking female. Who has the name of a man, and it'll be like, Hey I'm so glad we could finally connect. And you're like, what is And you can normally figure out pretty quick that it's just something shady and weird. Friend requests, like, Instagram and stuff, people follow and it doesn't really make that much of a difference, other than to your like, follower count. So like, but something like Facebook, where it gives people a little bit more direct contact to you and a lot of your information. It's just wise to be a little bit more selective than just approving everyone. That's what I've seen a lot. I know it's not technically sextortion, but adulting decrypted. We've had to change a lot of policies on both, like, our chats and our Facebook page because you'll just get people who are trying to make money or share gross things and you're just like, okay, stop. So, I mean, a lot of it's just Them throwing whatever they can at the wall just to see what sticks. That's what I have seen. Okay. But I also know of a situation, that happened at the high school that I graduated from where a coach at the school for a little bit and used his access to students to solicit photos and stuff from them just as a form of, blackmail and, you know, so, like, it can come from online, it can come from someone you know it's just important to, Stay in areas that you're comfortable and use extra caution.

Dad 7:48

Thank you, Ashton. Just be wise. Yeah. And thanks for that. I guess relevant or timely story, that it happens in other means, not just online. Okay. So from an, the other thing we had to take down at what did that Ashton was talking about is there's some posts on Facebook group that were not appropriate. And thank you, Brayden, for reaching out to us and letting us know when that happened and jumping right in. We appreciate you and appreciate what you did there. To bring it to our attention. Oh, I use whatsapp. I just got it for this trip and and obviously i'm getting some messages from people Hey, how you been? We haven't talked forever. I don't know who these people are, so the first thing i'm going to do is just ignore it When i'm texting people, especially i'm in a position where I text a variety of people that I don't know i'll put my name Hey, this is roscoe allen If they need to know where it's coming from or who we are I'll let them know the context, like from the church or as your youth, you know, advisor, whatever, this is what I'm messaging you about. And I'll copy their parents at times as well. So unsolicited, just blanket. Be aware of it. Be cautious. Thanks. The next one, the, the sextortion action you hit on this briefly is the, cohesion, the tactics that they're using. So I like that you already got us down that path a little bit. So, talk to men first to give them something that seemed innocent. and then use that to leverage and get some more information from people. If somebody is really pressuring you to, take intimate pictures or, or explicit content they're pushing you down that path, it's another red flag,? You're in a, in an age where you're going to be using in Utah mutual. To date, right? I'd assume gene that you're gonna start using that. I know Ashton you've used it. You're gonna use other accounts I mean, this is the digital age You don't go out necessarily walk down the street and meet people and and visit with them and go through that whole interaction There's a lot more couples that meet digitally now and so that's gonna happen. So you might get some unsolicited Messages, but it doesn't mean that they're always negative, right so you got a But if they start pushing you down a path, then that'd be a red flag. Any other thoughts on that, you know, where you might need to be aware of that? Being coerced or, does that make sense to the team? Well,

Ashton 10:13

the good thing with communicating online, of being able to easily connect Is also the good thing about being online is it's pretty easy to disconnect, especially if you haven't Succumbed to the pressure already. You can just delete people and things like it's better just to get out of an Uncomfortable pressuring situation. So like don't be afraid just delete them I think it doesn't matter

Dad 10:40

It's not gonna change anything. Perfect. And do it early is what you're saying, yeah, and then if they say they have compromising pictures because you send them to a friend What what would you do in that scenario? You know, they're saying oh I got these pictures from somebody of you

Ashton 10:53

I would I would be like that's I don't know how, but good job, I guess. For me, I don't feel at risk to this. Because it's never been something for me that's like been an issue.

Dad 11:07

Yeah, that's fair. Maybe guidance to a listener, a younger listener. Sure,

Ashton 11:11

well the biggest thing I would say is Tell an adult and tell a government authority. Perfect. And the other thing too is modern age of AI makes this conversation more interesting as well.

Dad 11:24

Oh, more scary a little bit, doesn't it?

Ashton 11:26

Because image generation changes a lot of things. So there's been some stuff about that

Dad 11:33

Went to the movie theater and they showed a little clip of that before I'm saying, Hey, mom, dad, be careful what you share online, you know, they can manipulate it and they showed the Girl that was really a guy, you know as they kind of showed how they can manipulate an image And so I think to your point Ashton you could even question up more right if somebody was saying Oh, I got these pictures of you It might look real look might look like your face or even who you are But question everything and first off bring it up. So, thank you The other way it comes in is emotional manipulation, Coercing you to do this, but now I'm emotional Manipulation, they might say hey, I'm with the FBI or I'm with different agencies You know if they're they're trying to build a close relationship too quickly, by saying there's somebody of authority That's that's a reason to run right and then that's a reason to run even to Ashton's point as If you have a teacher that's getting too close or an adult We're all adults except Gideon, and he's pretty close, but you know somebody that's not age appropriate if I'm trying to develop a relationship with somebody who's 18 or 19 That's of the opposite sex or even the same sex, and it's trying to come quick That would be one where you'd go. Wait, hold off. What's going on here? Are you really worried about my well being

Ashton 12:55

say to someone who feels targeted is a crime like absolutely to be blackmailed. So like like, re report it to people and authorities. Like, the person that's doing this to you is it they're doing something illegally, and so they can be punished by the law. Where you're being threatened, but don't just not do anything about it. If it's especially if it's legit, like, just, let's put them put them

Dad 13:25

in jail. Thank you, Ashton. I I love that. And I think that's really un under the reporting of the incident, right? Don't stay silent. And then instead of deleting stuff like this young man did in Idaho, you know keep all evidence, you know, them coming at you. So we'll, we'll go in that in a second. So stay safe online, guard personal information, right? You guys know this now you guys are probably better at it than my generation is, right? Cause Ashton's point of the AI generation and some of the stuff they can get at is pretty scary. So just, just be careful what personal information you put out online. Use privacy settings, this is what Ashton was referring to with our adulting decrypted insider page. Ashton went and was able to limit some of people's ability to post and what they could post, and hopefully that hasn't affected you, listener, and how you interact with us. If you are having issues, message us direct. We are expecting unsolicited messages. Say, hey, I'm a listener of your podcast. You know, I want to connect with you guys. It's a whole different feeling. I've, I've connected with three or four people and it's been great. So it's good to get to know people. To Ashton's point, it's, it's great to have you on board. And so, so that's, that's totally kosher. Reach out to us and let us help you out.

Ashton 14:45

The other thing, sorry, the other thing I've seen as a form of scammers or, or blackmailers using as a foot in the door is using a common interest, or influencer, if you will. So they'll like, they'll, they'll say, Oh hey, I'm a friend of this popular person that you follow. Or I work for this popular person that I follow. It's, it's okay to question the credential on that one

Dad 15:15

too. You took the words right out of my mouth. The third one was be skeptical. Right, be skeptical of all those interactions. Mr. Beast is probably not reaching out to you directly and No, if he

Ashton 15:27

did though, I would I would talk to that man for sure

Dad 15:30

But but you would you would be skeptical on who he is that's true. It would be awesome Right if he did it to us as a group would be like yeah, let's chat, but we would be skeptical We wouldn't come say okay. Yeah, and here's my social security number. Here's my bank account here. Okay, he's not gonna ask that it's just like America first or Amex if they reach out to you, they're not gonna say hey Can you give me your pin to your bank account?

Ashton 15:55

Yeah. Well, I mean Mr. Beast, it's funny you mention him because he gets that happening to him a lot. Like, there was one that went super viral not too long ago, where some person told a dad and his kid in a parking lot that he was, worked for Mr. Beast and if they let him borrow his car, like, he'd bring them 10, 000 or whatever. They just didn't see their car again.

Dad 16:18

That's funny, I didn't even know, I mean it's not funny, that's sad that it happened. But it's funny that I used that example and that he's been the victim trust your instincts, right? If something feels off, gideon, I know that you've had some interactions on Insta where somebody would ask you something and you're like, Yeah, that's not my cup of tea,

Gideon 16:37

to an extent. So, some on the Sextortion side just like weird group chats that you get put in like where Ashton said if it's like a Scandalous picture and there's ten other random people in this group chat And it's just like some sketchy link That they post in this group chat. You're like, this is just weird. And so you block it But there's also been some that like people's accounts can get hacked Like friends accounts can get hacked and that's happened and they've asked for money in that sense So it's like why in the world would this person be asking me for 200 right now?

Dad 19:11

And a good friend of mom, she, she texted and didn't realize that she had switched phone numbers and they told her they were an emergency and needed, needed cash. And mom's like, yeah, there's two or three ways I need to validate that before. Cause it first doesn't sound like the person, and then second off, you know, so always check. And the other thing is, is somebody did reach out to you that you didn't know. And they're very polite. They just said, Hey, Gideon, this is who I am. You know, are you interested in doing something? And you're like, no, thanks, you know so, so, and then, then you, yeah, so, and you have met new friends through Insta, that you actually went to school with that you hadn't interacted with.

Gene 19:48

Be cautiously skeptical, but be willing to be skeptical, but not just like immediately. Oh, don't recognize him. Because, I mean, we need to do the same thing when we're talking to anybody at the store. You still wouldn't go up to, like, the cashier and be like, Oh yeah, here's my card. Oh yeah, and the pin for this is this, this, and this, and this. Oh, and if you want my social security card, I mean, here it is. I mean, I just carry that on me. You're still gonna be skeptical with the cashier. If they're like, oh hey, what's your pin number? Oh yeah, I can just put that in. Then if they're okay about it, then

Dad 20:19

I like it. Thank you. Any other thoughts on just kind of, really this is staying safe, we talked about the signs of sex sextortion. We talked about staying safe online. And Gene and Ash, and I love that you brought it even to the real world. Not just digital, aware of it in general.

Ashton 20:37

Thing I'll say is with those random accounts that you get that look like your friends, like your friends are asking you for another friend request, I always like to check how many mutual friends they have. Cause generally, if it's a scam account, they'll have maybe one or two, especially if it's someone that you really, like, you know. But if they have 30, 40, 50, it's probably legit, because it's, it's been around for a while. That's another thing that I check. Yeah,

Gene 21:05

and, just to add one more thing, I didn't know if you were serious about porn stuff. Go for it. But, if you do become a victim of sextortion, remember, it

Dad 21:15

is never your fault. Oh, Gene, I love that. Thank you so much. Because, it's never the

Gene 21:20

victim's fault that

Dad 21:21

the

Gene 21:23

That the aggressor came against you that they picked you It's never your fault. If you get like super stressed and you don't know what to do in the situation and you fall into the pressure Just remember that

Dad 21:35

you can always get out. I love it And so here's reporting the incident first. Don't stay silent If you experience it you witness it you hear a friend about it. It's crucial to report it The platform where the incident occurred we reached out to Facebook said, Hey, pull this off. This isn't from us. And they, they have, James on this show. And when Facebook first got started, you know, we thought we were funny. He said something. He's like, don't pick up my uncle Roscoe. And I'm like, I'll, I'll whoop you if I want to. I got a thing from Facebook that. Temporary suspended me for 48 hours due to violence on the internet. I was like, oh Okay, I'm like, it's like texting. I said you're a little punk man. He got me kicked off Facebook for 40 But those tools are meant to protect us

Ashton 22:25

have been young internet right there. Oh, it was nowadays It's a free for all for

22:30

everybody.

Dad 22:30

Yeah, it was it was a little bit a little bit safer It felt like but the other so don't stay silent, right report it report it report it report it to your parents report it Law enforcement and and the problem is a lot of local law enforcement like in Asia's case. They didn't know what to do Because it was so new and so young in the process, but now people are getting more aware Reported to the FBI because a lot of times it's cross border just don't quit Right report to protect now. I'm not going to report everybody that scams me that I get scam emails and text messages from but if if I find out one of you guys were a victim or Sabrina was a victim or you know a Friend I'd help them find all the proper phone numbers so and we'll put that in on our when we launch this We'll put it in our blog as well as in our social media of how to reach out to them The next step is preserve evidence and we kind of touched on this briefly, what does that mean?

Gene 23:33

So, like, if someone did give or want explicit content, did so by either giving you some or you didn't end up caving to do it, don't delete it all, because then they're like, well, it never says that you sent them anything, so we have no proof that this happened, or you deleted their app pleadings for it. So there's no way of proving that they didn't ask for it.

Dad 23:55

Gene. Great. Just, just like you're a crime scene investigator, keep the evidence, keep the fingerprints, you know, keep, keep the data, keep the details, and then pass it on. To the appropriate. Now this is one for all of us and I have it under parents but it really could be anybody fostering open communication and don't shame gene. You touched on this. We started early when you guys were younger. We had talked about inappropriate touching. No means no. Come, come talk to us, you know, so we educated you early. Led to a funny ski story that we can share at some point in time, but probably not on About getting to use a proper name for his body parts and got me razzled a little bit from other skiers, but it's okay I'd rather him say that then, you know other words for it. Parents I'd ask you to talk to your kids about this one If you're listening to it if you're not comfortable Just share the episode with them that season seven episode three, it's as easy as dropping a link from Spotify from whatever podcast player you're listening at, but just share it with them. Apple share any of that. So first educate them, then, then create a safe space, right? Sometimes it feels awkward. But, but kids have to be able to come up and ask you questions about their body and questions about what they're seeing and what they're hearing. So that they feel like they have a safe platform to talk to you as a parent and one of the things I had a good friend of mine just the other day say oh I told that guy that it you know If you ever hurt my daughter and I made sure she heard me that I'd kill him and I'm like, oh, that's I don't know That that's a safe space, you know, cuz then as a child I'd be afraid to tell My parent something because I don't want my dad in jail or you know arrested So I've been I've tried to be very careful with you guys to say hey, here's a safe space You can tell me whatever you need to tell me and Always gonna get killed, but the proper authorities will get involved.

Gene 26:01

And I like how you pointed out that it's not just for the parents. It's also for the siblings, the friends, the neighbors of these people. Because you may be the person that they turn to if they're not comfortable and if they didn't have that fostered safe place either at home or with somebody else. If you're able to foster that open communication and know that it's something that you're aware of and that you're not going to shame them for it, and because if you just shame the victim for it, it's going to make the problem worse, but if it's open, it's positive. And that it fosters growth, then that person's gonna overcome it that

Dad 26:45

much easier. Love it. Yeah, avoid that victim blaming, right? It's, it's hard sometimes to not blame the victim, cause you're like, how did you not see that as a scam on that package coming from London? And, but, but But mine's never a blame. Mine's, mine's like, how do we, how do we still solve the problem? Right? It wasn't your fault. People are doing it. So how do we, how do we step back from that? Right? And then involve the, the, the people you need to. So Gene, thank you for talking about that. Avoid victim blaming. We have a couple episodes, one about, you know shame versus guilt, you know, and it's okay to feel some guilt, but you shouldn't. Feel the shame, we talked a little bit earlier this season we talked earlier about the power of words and positive self affirmation and negative self affirmation. She'll be careful to avoid that.

Gideon 27:40

One thing, not necessarily tips like you said, but one thing I've been thinking about. So, part of the episode is to be that friend to people. I know that we've touched about it, and like, Jean, you've talked a lot about it too, but I really love deep conversations with, with my friends, and so it's, you want to make sure that you're always open to that, and you always have at least, like, maybe somebody you can turn to, and somebody that you know you can talk to about, about anything, and you want to make sure to also. Be that person to everybody around you. Just just in case, you know

Dad 28:20

Thank you

Ashton 28:23

Let's say if you are a Individual that needs to deal with this, yeah, I think the biggest thing you can do is talk about it. Don't, don't let it sit. Uncomfortable conversations have, had quickly is good versus the just sitting in that uncomfort. So, don't be afraid to move forward quickly with the solutions. Contact, you know, parents, guardian, trusted adults. Law enforcement. Just talk about it. And then just be wary rightfully cautious, but not scared of your own shadow.

Gene 29:03

And it's, it's never too early or too late to, to leave a conversation that you feel uncomfortable with. Don't be afraid to trust what you are feeling and be able to. Push away from the things that don't feel quite right. That may seem sketchy. Aware of the surroundings. It's something that's going to be there. And I don't think it's going to go away in a week. So we're going to have to constantly be on guard with it. But realize that when we're safe with it.

Dad 29:36

As we share these safeguards with each other.

Gene 29:39

That it, it doesn't need to be as a big of an issue in our

Dad 29:44

lives. And where can the listener go to?

Gideon 29:48

Of course thank you Gene. I just want to make sure that all the listeners feel safe with us as well. So if you have any tips Anything that you'd like to add to this conversation, feel free. Our Facebook page, like we had talked about before, or direct message us on any of the social media platforms. We would love to have a chat and help you feel safe. So, thank you so much. Bye

Dad 30:13

bye now. You know, just as we go on, any last It'd be great if every one of the adulting decrypted members could give somebody a safeguard that they use or an idea of something they got from this episode. And then We'll do the call to action. And I liked how you did it last time, Gideon. Where you just said, Hey, reach out to us at Adulting Hashtag Did you want me to do it? Yeah, you can do it when we're done. So, listener, The challenge is, is Keep yourself safe out there. Last bits of advice. Just advice about sex, Sex Well, I've

Ashton 30:59

got some advice. I don't actually, I don't have any advice. Mom looks intrigued.

Dad 31:06

So, yeah, so if you could, if you could give him some advice on sextortion and how to stay safe online. Just give everybody one thing they could try to do, just kind of a call to action, and then ask them for their tips to give us.

31:19

O