S-7 E-13 Open Mindedness

In this episode of Adulting Decrypted, we explore how refraining from judging others can promote empathy, encourage open-mindedness, reduce stress, and foster personal growth. As we share personal experiences and discuss the importance of self-improvement. We look forward to hearing the same from you.

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0:00

Welcome to Adulting Decrypted. We are your hosts. I'm Gene, and I'm starting my first year of college. I'm Ashton. I'm a music performer, composer, and educator. I'm Gene, a high school senior. I'm Roscoe, the dad. Those are my three sons, and this is Adulting Decrypted, where we discuss ways to become adults and the things we need to know to be successful in life.

dad 0:26

So I was thinking the other day as a parent it's apparent from the joke that we heard. How can you tell if it's a dad joke?

gideon 0:33

If it's

dad 0:33

apparent. If it's an apparent, apparent. If it's an apparent. So the other day as I was going through, I realized that something happens and I don't even realize that I'm doing it and what it is. This is probably more of a parent episode, but it's going to be good for our listeners as well. How often do we find ourselves judging others too often? I think I agree with Jean. Right often. Yeah, I was here's a thought when was the last time you judged someone or something If you can think of it anybody anything come to mind quick I just judged that guy for driving down the motorcycle to driven down the street too fast on his motorcycle

ashton 1:08

a jerk

dad 1:10

anybody else We're

gideon 1:11

talking like bad judging right?

dad 1:13

I don't know just any judgment.

gene 1:15

Sorry, As far as a positive judging, one thing I'd say is when I was leaving my apartment today to go shopping, there was a police officer that was looking around and I was like, Oh yeah, sweet. I'm safe. Like, it's fine.

dad 1:30

So I wasn't too worried about it. No, that's, that's cool. I hadn't thought of that one, but that's a good point. You made a judgment call, right? But maybe that cop was looking to arrest you. You don't know. Hopefully not. Not again. And Ashton said again, I don't know if you heard that or not.

gene 1:45

I mean, I was a suspect to a crime once, but that was at a Home Depot.

dad 1:51

Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. I

gene 1:52

was quickly outruled. That

dad 1:54

was like, was that right after you got home from your mission?

gene 1:57

That was before. When

dad 1:58

you had the long

gene 1:59

hippie hair? Yup. And I was wearing a hat. That was the problem. I was just wearing a hat.

ashton 2:05

If you're wearing a hat, you're a known hooligan. Or sure.

dad 2:09

No.

ashton 2:09

Look at Gideon.

dad 2:10

That's why Gideon's always sprouting the hat. Sprouting the hat? Sporting the hat.

gideon 2:14

I'm quite the known hooligan.

ashton 2:16

That's the most baseball you've ever looked in your life. I know.

dad 2:20

I think that's got to be one of our new clips. I'm the most hooligan, hooligan thing. Stop it right now. Stop it

ashton 2:28

right now.

dad 2:30

Well, the, the reason why I thought of, of judgment is, is I believe as a parent there's times that I look at you guys. And say, Oh, if I was them, I would be doing something different or I'd be do acting this way or I'd try and do this a different way. So I'm kind of taking the judgment more Jean, maybe as a little bit like reasons we maybe shouldn't or negative. In Matthew seven, when we learned judge, not that you be not judged, right? So that would be a Christian version of Christianity's version. I also looked up a couple other things that I thought were pretty interesting. Islam in the Koran. 4911, it says, Oh, you who have believed, let not a people ridicule you people ridicule people. Perhaps they may be better than them, nor let woman ridicule woman. Perhaps there may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by offensive names. So I, you know, I thought of that and I'm like, Hmm, that's interesting. And we'll get a couple more scriptures in there as well Islam. Buddhism and some hinduism just because I think it's quite interesting But then I thought why why like modern science and what is it teaching us about judgment? There's four main things really that Not judging others can help us do it promotes empathy and understanding encourages open mindedness Reduces stress and fosters personal growth are the four key subjects of tonight to keep it pretty simple how would You Judging or not judging when you refrain from judging others. How does that promote empathy and understanding? But well, first off what is what is empathy? We'll give action a second. We'll get the Google definition of empathy. Isn't that how we normally do this? Always,

ashton 4:11

I love it Empathy is just the ability to understand and share the feelings with somebody or of somebody

dad 4:19

so I think The question being,

ashton 4:22

how does having empathy stop you from judging somebody? Is that what it was? Yeah, it's

dad 4:26

along those lines, yeah.

ashton 4:27

Well I think if you're able to understand why someone has done a thing, it stops you from judging for them for making the decision that they did. So. having the ability to see their perspective stops you from going, well, you should have done this because if you truly understand where they're coming from or can empathize with their feelings, you're on their level and you have no reason to judge them because you're on the same page.

dad 4:55

I like that. And then I think that's pretty hard sometimes to come from somebody else's perspective, right. And, and trying to understand where somebody else's at. It's been 25 years since I was 25 years old. It's been 27 years since, 28 years since I've been Gene's age. Has the world changed in the last 25 years? Maybe once or twice. Yeah, I would think so. It's, it's a little bit different of an area. Major changes, major, any, any thoughts?

ashton 5:25

Well to me at this point, the world just seems like it's always changing. Like from the time I was in high school to now, it's very different. Because when I was in high school, the world didn't know what COVID was. I like that. That's a big one. Zoom meetings. I don't think we're even a thing for anybody like business calls were like a thing, but I was, I rented a truck from enterprise like last week and a guy was saying They used to have meetings once every couple months because The big heads would fly in and they'd have their meeting and sit down he goes, but now I have to talk to them every week Because we have to zoom meetings. So like you get something as simple as that Whereas today like ai is a constant conversation rather than a science fiction something or other There's a lot of a lot of different things going on

dad 6:12

Well, you know 25 years ago, I was just graduating with my college degree. And I remember having to do a web assignment and I had to do dial up, which I don't even know what a dial up speed would be, but it would be BBB. And then all of a sudden you'd be connected. And the data is going across your telephone line. Super slow. I remember if you ever had to upload something with pictures, you're like, take me hours. How do I click no on the pictures, right? It was still very in the infancy, very in the startup talking to people 25 years ago. You made long distance calls. You don't even know what a long distance call, right? So to your point, Ashton dial up jeans down in Cedar city. We're looking at him like you sit next to us. We didn't watch worldwide events happen in real time. You know, and these are just some of the real basic things. So when I look online, dating was not a thing. Right, there was online dating wasn't a thing there had just started to become like forums and some of those kind of early adopters to that 25 years ago. But it still wasn't very common. I remember Ford, when I started working for them, had a, buy a computer program. Like you would go and build out the specs as one of their perks that teamed up with the company. So that you could, they could help you buy a home computer, which was a big deal. Now I had one because of Jason and Jeremy, they were always into computers at an early age and they helped me build one out and we'd go to the computer shop. We'd drive to the computer shop and say, I want this hard drive. I want this fan. I want this case memory, you know, all this, and you kind of grabbed all the pieces and built a computer. I wouldn't even know how to do that now. I don't think,

gideon 7:46

I mean, I have no idea either.

dad 7:49

It's a puzzle that you can't mess up. So when I come from my place of knowledge and my place of understanding, and I look at you guys and say, Oh, why are you doing this? Or why are you doing that? As a parent, that's very judgmental. And so when I'm able to step back and have more empathy to say, wow, the world has really changed. For example, I remember when I was leaving my first job, I approached. Grandpa Ballard and said, Hey, I'm going to be leaving Ford Motor Company. And he's like, why would you ever leave them? They're huge. You know, you get one company, you stay with them the rest of your life and they're amazing. Most of my friends that started with Ford have been laid off and some of them in the last two or three years, and they don't know what to do. They're going everything's changed around me, you know? So his perception versus my perception was totally different, you know? So how can I expect you guys to understand? So I have with being the adult, nah, we're all adults, but with being, having more world experience, I need to try harder to have empathy and look through your eyes. I liked, there was a Hindu teaching that talks about detachment. and I like that only because it, says, Hey, sometimes we have to step back and detach ourselves from somebody else's actions. And then we're not being judged. We're not judging if I'm not as worried about if I'm detached. And I thought that was kind of an interesting concept and I needed to understand that a bit, a little bit, but I think empathy and understanding is a little bit different in this fact that we're striving to understand where you're coming from. any more thoughts on that? That provoke any deep aha moments?

gene 9:17

Yeah. I have a kind of a question for you, dad. You mentioned that as we grow older, we don't need to be as judgmental of like, oh, I can't believe you did that. Why? Why would you ever do that? And I'd like to propose the question and ask you how you feel like we can ask the, why did you do that in a better,

dad 9:37

more respectful response? Ask the question part again. I got a little confused.

gene 9:42

Yeah. How could we phrase the question better instead of like the, Oh, I can't believe you did. Like, why would you do that

dad 9:49

to, Oh, why would you do that? yeah. Instead of what the heck were you thinking? Can you tell me how you're, what you're thinking or what was your strategy going into that decision? Is that, would that be a better way to ask that question? I think your second one was a better way. Any other thoughts on that? That's a great, great question.

ashton 10:08

I think the way you say things to people are huge always have, like when I'm teaching, there's always stuff that I want to have happen and things that I want to get done, but like no one ever likes having someone's will imposed on them. I mean, I can't say no one, but the vast

dad 10:25

majority of us,

ashton 10:26

right. But like, if I turned to Gideon. And I said to him, Hey, stand up. He'd probably be like, why?

dad 10:34

He didn't stand up, just for the listener. I did not stand

ashton 10:37

up, yeah. But the real Slim Shady would have. Exactly. See, get in here. Just not the real Slim. I'm sorry. Oh, now he's up. But, I want him, Say I want him to stand up because I don't know but instead of your phrasing like hey Would you be willing to stand up for a second? Because that in itself is taking consideration of what he is feeling versus me just saying, you know step two two different things

dad 11:06

Yeah, I like that that it is two different things and it's simply just the the way it's verbed, right? Good The next thing I think that not judging somebody does is it encourages open mindedness. I think having an open mind definitely promotes an acceptance of diversity by suspending some judgment. And this is probably pretty valid going into this political season. You might learn from others, even though you might have different beliefs, backgrounds, and lifestyles. I've learned a lot stepping back and, trying to be more open minded, I used to believe that having an open mind, that my mind be malleable or, changed by somebody else. And I'm finding out that having an open mind helps me to just understand people better. How have you guys seen being open minded helping you in your personal lives?

ashton 11:50

For me, open mindedness just means it's not who is right, but what is right. Oh yeah, you said that

dad 11:55

the other day. Well, I was listening with that Jake,

ashton 11:58

Jake Streck.

dad 11:59

Yeah. When you're talking to Jake back in episode 10, I remember you saying this and I wanted to dig in, but he was there. Can you share some more thoughts on that?

ashton 12:06

Well, yeah. So like, the life experience that I can put it off of is. I teach in an activity called Indoor Drumline, and it's a very competitive activity, but it's also a very creative activity. One in which you try and produce the best musical, visual, storytelling project you can. And when you make something like that, there's a lot of opinions and mindsets that go into it. and for me, it's like, well everyone's ideas come from somewhere, and every idea has validity. And so hearing and trying all the ideas is probably the best option. And it's not fun to work with someone creatively who just kind of says, this is what's happening. Do it. It's more fun to work with people where it's like, Hey, this is what we want to accomplish. What are the ways we can do that? And I don't remember, it was probably some fortune 500 company, but I remember hearing someone talk about how they would write down all these ideas in a meeting. Everyone would take a second to make sure that they forgot air quotes, which ideas they submitted, because sometimes you get married to an idea.

dad 13:05

well, cause you feel validated. I've been in those meetings where it's like, Hey, this is my idea. If I can persuade you guys. And I'm, my idea is valid.

ashton 13:14

and so if you come across the creative decision and I've said something that I liked, or you've said something that That you liked, but I wasn't really with, but it turns out to be the right solution. that's okay. And it doesn't matter whose idea it was because we came to the best creative solution. And being married to your own ideas always limits the amount of creative exposure that you can have for me. so it makes more sense to be willing to consider all perspectives, which then leads. just more free flowing ideas.

dad 13:45

So your quote again is, it's

ashton 13:47

It's not about who is right, but what is right.

dad 13:50

Yeah.

ashton 13:51

because when you're trying to find out who is right, it becomes a competition. But if, when you're trying to find out what is right, it becomes collaboration, which is different.

dad 14:02

What I love that we're talking about that because that open mindedness in business as we've gone to more zoom meetings and more online and we're not always face to face, sometimes we get so married to our ideas. We're like, let's just get this done. Let's get this done. And we're losing some of that creativity and some of that uniqueness that makes us special as a group. And that also leads to that diversity, It leads to more of that creativity. As we step back and we're able to listen and understand and to hear, it brings up to the top what's best. I don't, yeah, that's interesting. I would also think that, you know, taking a little bit of a, political turn on it a little bit, sometimes we get so invested in a candidate or a person that we have a hard time seeing the ideal that that, group is pushing is probably still not something that we really believe in. Right. Was it right? Yeah, but your right was right. My right was wrong. Sure Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, so encourages open mindedness any other advantages of being open minded For those who have different beliefs or backgrounds. Well, and you can think about it in a scholastic

ashton 17:00

sense to like You go to school Objectively to learn something from someone but if you You I don't know if this happens everywhere, but like I've noticed sometimes in creative spaces that someone goes to learn from someone, for example how to play better, sometimes, myself included, you think, no I already know, like a teacher will tell you to do something different than you've ever done it before, and you'll be like, no, I kind of already know what I'm doing, and then all of a sudden it's like, well then why go to, why not go to class, why you go to school, you already know it all, and so, like in school, open mindedness, if you don't have open mindedness, there's no point. Because the whole point with open mindedness is to gain more information from the outside world.

dad 17:43

Yeah, I'm on Reddit a lot, interacting with our listener. And it's always interesting to me when I offer or a thought, and the other person doesn't respond or says, Well, that's not going to work. I'm like, okay, cool. You didn't even try it. You didn't think about it. You were so quick to say that's not going to work. You know, it's kind of fun Hinduism because I mentioned, we're going to talk a little bit about that one of their verses says you have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction. And I thought that was pretty spot on to what you're just saying, Ashton, where, Hey, you can have these ideas. You can do all you can do, but it's not all you. It's not because you're better than somebody else. And I think that's where we come from. Place of judgment is, Hey, I know what's right. And I do for me, that's great. March forward. But some people have a different perspective. There's something else that's going on. Something else is shaping their life. Now as a dad we can save that part because a dad I'm always gonna When you ask I'll give you my honest opinion of how I see the situation with my wisdom and experience So I don't want the listener to discredit their parent. However as a parent, I also ask you to think Has things changed? Do I need to be a little bit more understanding? Do I need to be a little bit more open minded and have a longer dialogue? Because sometimes understanding where that person at is the hardest part All right. Cool. Yeah. It

gene 19:12

brings me to a quote that I've heard and I'd like to share here is that they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And I feel like that flows into that, respect and that open mindedness to learn. It has to go both ways because if one person already expects that they know the correct solution going into it, nothing's going to change from the conversation. It's not going to do anything.

dad 19:36

great observation, Gene. The next one is it reduces stress and conflict. Constantly judging others can create tension and conflict in a relationship. Do you believe that's true or not? Or where have you seen that come in play? Any thoughts on where? And this one might be hard. I guess I didn't really understand the question. No, that's good. I think you and Gene were making eyes at each other. Googly eyes. No. I was looking at myself. See look, there I am judging. And I'm only looking as a second screen over. Here's a good point, Ashton. Letting go of judgment can alleviate stress and promote peaceful interactions as you focus on accepting people for who they are rather than critiquing or condemning them. What I mean by that is, as we find fault in others It leads to more stress and conflict. By not judging others, how would that reduce that stress and conflict? Or by judging others, how have you seen, and that's probably the question I want to ask. How have you seen yourself have more stress or conflict with others because you judge them? My first one that I think of is driving down the street. You know, somebody pulls out in front of me, I'm automatically judging them. Are you an idiot? Can you not see down the street? You know, what would make you think your car is going to go from 0 to 75 miles an hour when it's an old Ford Pinto?

ashton 20:49

Can do it.

dad 20:50

Right. But the chances of you doing it are pretty slim, right? If I could reduce that, it reduces my stress immediately. If I'm not pre judging how that other person should be, act, my stress is done. I struggle with that being a little bit apathetic, but I do believe that there's some freedom in that not judging.

ashton 21:09

Does it still count as judging? If I turn it into a game so I can pass them and give them the most like Sarcastic thumbs up and smile I've ever given them like yeah, good job. Oh, you're really good. Oh, you're really really cool Oh, you've changed it from a loser to the thumbs up Yeah, well because one like they can make their day better or they can be like, yeah Just funny cuz at that point they get to choose. They don't know what I'm thinking Like if I, if I give him like an L or like an angry face, it'd be like, Oh, he's mad at me and he's wrong. But if you give him a thumbs up, they're like, wait a minute, wait, what's going on here?

dad 21:39

Is he really happy with me or was he really irritated with me?

ashton 21:42

And that is more fun.

dad 21:44

Yeah. Here, here's a great example that apparent I perceive. I know I did it. Gideon, is your room clean? Gideon, get up for school. Gideon, let's get out the door. Can you start freaking out for a second? I was like it's pretty clean. But then if I take it to the next, I'm telling you what to do, then if I go, oh, my kid's so lazy, my kid's so this, or my kid's so that, I'm starting to judge. Does that increase stress and conflict in our relationship? Yeah. Absolutely it does. And is there sometimes that maybe it warrants a conversation to say, Hey, if you do this, this would be better for you. Sure. But in a place of growing and understanding, not always of criticizing and complaining. Right? So if we took the other two and, and stride and said, okay, I want to be empathetic and understanding. Okay. Stayed up late. He has an early morning, you know, whatever. I'm open mindedness to some of this. You brought me some studies high schoolers need more sleep. Therefore. I need to sleep in you know, whatever so I'm more empathetic Now I can reduce that stress and be less judgmental

ashton 22:48

if you've accepted the evidence

dad 22:50

That's fair. And I think it's a good time to discuss the evidence at that point in time When a Gideon's stances was a school has no value because they're raising factory workers you remember this conversation?

gideon 23:01

We've probably had this conversation multiple times

ashton 23:04

Yep, so it appears that you're still at odds. Are we at odds?

gideon 23:09

I mean if you think I'm wrong

dad 23:12

What is my stance been to you do I care whether we're creating factory workers or not Do you understand where I'm coming from yet? Just curious. I

gideon 23:19

can't remember your point. I feel like it's been a while. Gene, we're going to watch them fight. You ready? My

dad 23:24

point is, and this is all I want to understand, is I don't care how you do it, if it's school or if it's online or whatever. I just want you to learn to learn. That's all I care about. And that makes sense. So we're in agreement. Dad's right. Go to school.

ashton 23:39

Wait, hold on. It's not about who is right. See, you missed that part. Oh yeah, you missed that part. I

gideon 23:45

agree that the point of learning to learn is good, not that school teaches that very well.

dad 23:51

That, and, and that's where we get into that whole debate on the way we're teaching. Is it Utah history or US History? Maybe it's both. Where you just go through and check off the boxes and you fill out

ashton 24:02

Utah History class is worthless.

gideon 24:04

It was so stupid.

ashton 24:05

PG Junior, you gotta fix it.

dad 24:07

Because you just had to go find the three words in order and, and, and, or the, and, or whatever.

ashton 24:13

If we haven't told our listeners this, this is wild. Our Utah history class, you'd walk in, the lights would always be off. And there would just be a stack of packets. And they would be the script of a movie, but there would be like blank lines. And then the whole grade of the class is you walk in, you listen to the movie, and the moment there's a blank on your page, you just fill in the word. And we did that for two to three hours a week. And that was it.

gideon 24:38

And it wasn't good movies. No. Like oftentimes it wasn't about Utah history. It was just a random old, movie.

ashton 24:45

I think the only requirement is it had to be on VHS

gideon 24:48

and sepia. Yeah. On a 10 inch TV in the corner of the room and you're in the back. I can't see this garbage anyways. So

dad 24:57

And that's where Gideon and I can have open mindedness. We cannot judge. No.

gideon 25:02

No, I'm judging hardcore. That was dumb.

dad 25:03

So here's my question. Do you have stress thinking about it? Ashton putting his his hands on his face right there in that moment said it still causes stress.

ashton 25:11

It's just so dumb. Just, I just can't imagine thinking, nevermind.

gideon 25:16

Do you not feel bad for the kids, dad? I feel bad for the kids. That's what my favorite kids film. It's about the kids. Think of the children. It's about the kids. It's

ashton 25:24

about the kids. He can say that now that he's not there. It's no longer about him, it's about the kids. It's about the kids. That's awesome.

dad 25:31

I was in

ashton 25:32

that same building, I almost went to the principal's office because I crushed fake weed.

dad 25:35

What? A new story.

ashton 25:38

It's a true story. And when we talk about honesty maybe we can talk about that one. Okay. Basically there was a bag of oregano, we were doing court, and when the jury was in session, the teacher was in the hallway with the jury, Me and a couple of other hooligans took the evidence, which was, again, a bag of oregano, smashed it with the judge's gavel, and then when the teacher came back in, she was furious, or he, it was a he, he was furious, and then the group of kids that I was with were gonna blame it on just some random girl in the class, and so, I took the blame for it, and he was like, I should have you expelled, and I was kind of like, brother, this is oregano, you can relax a little bit, it's not your actual weed, chill,

dad 26:17

if he had his actual weed, he probably would have been so stressed. Well, it's funny because our

ashton 26:21

whole, our whole thing, the whole thing, I have no idea what weed looked like in junior high. That's just kind of how I grew up. But the guys that were doing it were like, this isn't how weed looks. Weeds more squishy. And so anyway.

gideon 26:33

All right. That's how they squished it to look like

ashton 26:35

weed. My open mindedness allowed me to participate, but it also got me in trouble.

dad 26:40

Yeah. And this is great. And I think if we could stop judging our junior highs. History teacher. We could eliminate some of those. We're both history teachers.

ashton 26:48

That's actually a really good point. Perfect. PG junior fixture history program. So you get for hiring. It's about the kids. So you get for hiring sports coaches as academic teachers anyway.

dad 27:01

Okay. So Hinduism teaches us detachment and that's what I'm going to talk about on this. We need to emphasize detachment from the fruits of one's actions. Judgment often derives from attachment to outcomes or expectations. You expected to love history. You expected not to get judged. And I can't say this with a straight face. So you have to detach yourself from some of that stress, Ashton. Just a segue. Well, Hinduism. Hinduism. Gene, you'll have to fix that in editing. Good luck. fourth one, and I think this is the reality for me as a parent that I can work the most on it, fosters personal growth. When I refrain from judging others, I am free to change my rigid thinking patterns of the past. This can allow me to have personal growth and awareness and know what's going on around me. And I think that's part of becoming an adult is having personal awareness. When you're little, the world revolves around you. Literally, your parents are picking you up. They're feeding you. They're taking care of every whim and need. Then as you grow, you start to do more and more on your own. And at some point in time, you get to start focusing on your own journey of self improvement. But if I'm so busy judging others, then I'm probably worried that they're judging me. That's a, that's a great thought dad.

gene 28:21

And it reminded me of a, another quote. But this one was there's, there's two ways to build the tallest tower in a city. option. Number one, you build the tallest tower in the city. You just keep building, keep building it until it's the tallest tower. But the other option is you

dad 28:39

knock down all the other buildings until yours becomes the tallest. And then do you take their bricks or do you just, no. Well, I

ashton 28:46

mean, second, second one is surefire.

dad 28:49

I do like that gene and it forces us to think internally instead of externally. Right? Because if I'm thinking externally, I'm always knocking down somebody else's tower. And that's really what I'm doing by judging others. If I would stop and say, okay, let me build and work on my own tower on my own sturdiness. And you know what, if I was smart, I'd turn to the guy who's building also a tall tower and try and build a relationship and say, Hey, how, how are you getting that support? Set up and then I'm trying to get and learn and grow and develop by learning from others by being open minded So really the four stages are promote empathy and understanding encourage open mindedness reduces stress and fosters personal growth and I think there's a reason why we've been taught these and they're taught in all the different religions is because We really took them to heart. We would have a more unified and a better society The less we spent time judging others and spent that time working on oneself and looking inward I would like to challenge the parents that listen to this, to strive, to understand where your kids are coming from. Try to be more empathetic, try to be open minded. It's hard. And then realize that just because your son or daughter does something that, you wouldn't have done, doesn't mean it's a bad decision, right? It's actually pretty good. How many times did I tell you to quit marching bandaging your head? Because you felt like people were picking on you probably too many times. And you kept pushing through and you're like, dad, this is what I want to do. I'm like, cool. You know, you would have hated it. It would have been a horrible decision for you. Maybe, I don't know. Are you glad you kept doing watching Ben? Yeah. Did you learn something from all those different experiences where you were, where you're forced down a different path?

ashton 30:24

Yeah, I think so.

dad 30:25

Yeah, I definitely think so. I know so. It was one I used for inspiration forever I had it up on my wall when I was going through a hard time at a job I'm like Ashton a marching band and somebody goes what's that about? And I said, oh, it's just a fun story

ashton 30:37

Yeah,

dad 30:37

but I had to remind myself to my even though I didn't see the consequence of what my boss was doing It was helping me grow I get in being able to do so many different activities instead of saying getting you should just stay with soccer You're really good at soccer and people go why is Gideon leaving? You I'm like don't judge him. I can't i'm not going to judge him Right. So there's all these times that that we've looked at and said we the less we judge our children The better off they have a chance to find their own way and develop their own core competency strength

gene 31:05

so I'd like to challenge our listeners and invite them to be more conscious about how you are judging and maybe some of the ways that you may be doing it and to more consciously avoid it. And if you have experiences or struggles or this has brought to light some of the Things that you have been dealing with we'd love to hear about it on our many different social media platforms kitty and what all do we have?

gideon 31:32

so we have a subreddit group. We have facebook instagram just dms on there and we'd love to share and we can even share on this podcast All your different experiences if you want us to or If you need help,

dad 31:45

we can always offer up our thoughts, thank you.

31:51

Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Adulting Decrypted. We really enjoyed having this week's conversation and we hope you did as well. If you ever want to comment on our topics, you can send us a message through our website adultingdecrypted. com, our email adultingdecrypted at gmail. com, Or, through our Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn accounts at Adulting Decrypted. If you have any topics for the show that you would like us to talk about, or if you are a parent and want us to talk about something your kid should know, send us a message on any of the accounts mentioned. If you would like to be a guest or have an idea for someone you think we should have on our show, feel free to send us an email detailing your thoughts to adultingdecrypted at gmail. com. Adulting is teamwork. We have merch! If you want to show off your Adulting Decrypted pride, check out our website, adultingdecrypted. com, or our partner website, with shop. spreadshirt. com forward slash adulting dash decrypted. Lastly, if you enjoyed the show, please consider supporting us on our Patreon at adulting decrypted. Along with the benefits that come with our Patreon, and trust us, there are some pretty good ones in there, you will not only be helping us continue in the effort to make these videos Great content, but you will be part of a community of individuals all trying their best to adults. We appreciate you listening, enjoying, and leaving your positive reviews.

dad 33:22

Alright, alright, alright. Ashby, wanna kill that one?