In this episode, I lay it all out for you. It didn't even occur to me that my own wife had never heard my full testimony until I prepared it for this podcast. It's pretty raw. Just as we've discussed in previous episodes, it's important to see where you've been so you can understand why you are where you are.
In this episode, I share:
This episode is sponsored by Jesus Christ. Give Him your life today and you will never be the same.
Romans 1:16 & John 3:16.
In this episode, I lay it all out for you. It didn't even occur to me that my own wife had never heard my full testimony until I prepared it for this podcast. It's pretty raw. Just as we've discussed in previous episodes, it's important to see where you've been so you can understand why you are where you are.
In this episode, I share:
This episode is sponsored by Jesus Christ. Give Him your life today and you will never be the same.
Romans 1:16 & John 3:16.
speaker 0: 0:00
in previous episodes, I told you that I was going to share a little bit about my faith. Being a Christian is the most important part of who I am. I want to take a moment to share how I came to know Jesus before I tell you what he currently has going on in our lives. I grew up in a great home. We didn't attend church nor talk about God very much in the house. The closest I came to church was rehearsing in one upon joining my first professional orchestra at 14 years old. Looking back now I can see that God had begin surrounding me with people who loved him. I moved from the northern Chicago suburbs to Southern Illinois to attend college. My college experience was typical a party. I had a lot of girlfriends. I even had a couple of run ins with the law amongst the sea of acquaintances, whom I felt were friends at the time. I started to feel more and more empty upon joining a fraternity of my sophomore year. Five You Office Sinfonia, the national men's music fraternity founded in 18 98. I made two great friends, Chris and Rick, whom are still great friends today. Fast forward years of partying, music rehearsals I was a music education major breakup through a series of unfortunate events. The trio fell, and we all took our separate ways. About a year later, Chris would reach out, inviting me to church. I turned him down, so he settled for inviting me to a worship team rehearsal. Using my love of music against me, I came. It was awesome, drastically different than the church where the orchestra rehearsed in high school. After the rehearsal was over, the worship team prayed. This is the part where I almost backed out, but I stayed. One thing I immediately noticed was that these incredible people spent most of their time praying for other people for lives to be changed, people to be healed, peace within marriages, financial blessings, the people they were praying for. We're not even in the room and may never know they were being prayed for by these people. This was a far cry away from the stereotype of Christian holier than thou selfishness I had seen earlier in life. I was asked to fill in on drums that weekend. I obliged little did I know what God was doing in my life and the seed he was planting, which wouldn't blossom for a decade. God used my selfish desire to show off playing music to place me in an environment where I was surrounded by strong Christians, listening and learning rock in praise and worship music. In hearing the Bible, the senior pastor of that church would be obedient and let a non Christian play on the worship team. A few months into playing there, I felt compelled toe watch a particular movie. At this time in my life, I'm living in Southern Illinois, one foot in the college life and one foot out. This is also when a new method of downloading movies and music albums via Torrance was a big thing. You could get any bootlegged movie you needed as long as you had an Internet connection. I was compelled to download Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ. If you have not seen it, I would highly recommend it. It's gritty, it's bloody, it's emotional, and it pulls no punches on what Jesus went through now. I had seen this movie years earlier in high school with a girlfriend whom attended a Christian high school God planning seeds again. I remembered the bloody special effects. I remember the violence, and I remembered crying in that theater. The musical score, written by John Debney, was perfect for the film. Sitting alone in my bedroom, now watching it on my computer screen, I was weeping yet again. But the reason for the tears this time were very, very different. You see, in high school I remember crying because I was so upset that one human being could do that to another human beings. The beatings, the ridicule, driving what looked like railroad spikes through someone's flesh, watching them suffer and laughing at them. It was an atrocity, I think. I cried out of anger, but alone in my bedroom, watching it for a second time, I was weeping for a completely different reason. As I watched the pastor's messages began replaying in my head, he died for you. He willingly went to the cross to die for your sins. He gave up his life for you. The lyrics from some of the songs began playing in my head, love that stronger loved that cover sin and takes the weight of the world and now the lost be welcomed home by the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own. As I watched the same brutal film I had seen years earlier, I noticed some new things as Jesus was tortured. He never said no, as he was a lashed with whips made of glass and sharp rock. He never said stop as they were driving nails into him. He never cried out mercy. In fact, as he hung on that cross, he prayed for the very ones harming him. He prayed for others, similar to the prayer time. After that first music rehearsal as the credits rolled, I was a mess. It was late at night. I remember gathering myself, getting ready for bed and laying down before I fell asleep. I remember saying two words. That meant more in that moment than ever before. Thank you. What happened next is something out of a movie in the middle of the night. Jolt awake but couldn't move. The best way that I can describe it was it felt like there was a boulder on top of me that grew heavier With every breath I took. I felt like I was being crushed. I closed my eyes as to shake myself awake. And instead I begin to see what looked like an old family movie film. Except the only thing I saw was everything I had ever done wrong. All the lies, the manipulation, the drunkenness, the lustful thoughts. I saw everything. I remember muscling my way off the bed, landing on my knees and crying out to Jesus, acknowledging that I cannot do this on my own, that I don't want to be in control. I want your best for my life. I don't want this wait anymore. Take it away from And in that moment the weight literally lifted off my shoulders and an overwhelming peace came over me. The next breath that I took felt like the first deep breath outside. On a cool fall morning, I said those two words again and went to bed. Thank you. I remember calling my pastor telling everyone on the worship team in the next few weeks I would get baptized from that day forward. The direction of my life would go a completely different way, a better one. Now let's fast forward to today. Looking back on that experience and many others over the years where I felt God moving on my life. It was when I broke that I became strong in my bedroom. After watching Jesus body become broken, God broke meat. What I've learned is that we're all broken in some way, but in our Brokenness we often experience God's greatest blessings. Recently, my wife and I asked God to use us how he needs us toe fully, submit to a life of service to shed much of life's wait to go. Wherever he says go. God asks us to do things that many still don't understand, including us. It is pure trust and pure faith. He asked us to sell our house before we knew where we were going to live. It was only after months of it being on the market and a few showings that we were provided a place to live. He told us toe leave our comfort zones so that we could grow the way he needed. And a big part of that was leaving her home, church, the church I got saved in in the church that my wife grew up in. It was only after we decided to be obedient that He guided us to our new church, he told us toe So financial seeds that didn't make any sense. Looking at it from a budget perspective, we didn't understand it at the time. But now, among the Corona virus pandemic, even as I'm laid off, were financially in a position toe weather the storm, with zero worries broken. This is scary but broken. This is where you experience God's greatest blessings broken. This leads to dependence, and that's tough, especially for those of us who like to be in control. See, long ago, I came to the realization that got is way better at controlling my life than I am. I was studying The Book of Luke the other day in Something New stood out to me during the Last Supper around Luke, 22. Jesus told Peter that when Jesus was arrested, Peter will deny knowing him three times before the rooster crows. I've read the story dozens of times, but this time averse stood out like never before. Let's read it real quick, So they arrested him and led him to the high priest home, and Peter followed at a distance. The guards lit a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat around, and Peter joined them there. A serving girl noticed him in the firelight and began staring. Finally, she said, This man was one of Jesus followers, but Peter denied it. Woman, he said, I don't even know him. After a while, someone else looked at him and said, You must be one of them. No, man, I'm not, Peter retorted. About an hour later, someone else insisted. This must be one of them because he's a Galilean, too. But Peter said, Man, I don't know what you're talking about. And immediately, while he was speaking, the rooster crowed. At that moment, the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Suddenly, the Lord's words flashed through Peter's mind before the rooster crows. Tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me in. Peter left the courtyard weeping bitterly. At that moment, the Lord turned and looked at Peter. I seem to have overlooked this part in the past. Or perhaps God revealed the new meaning applicability to this current season of life crazy how we can read Scripture over and over, and it can have new fresh significance every time. Peer denied knowing Jesus and Jesus saw that denial and somehow in a large crowd of people, their eyes met. Can you imagine how Peter must have felt in that moment? The shame, the sorrow Brokenness Peter experienced his deepest breaking. I remember getting into trouble as a young adult. One disappointed look from my dad made me feel more shame than any amount of words he could say. But what happened to Peter after he experienced the grace of Jesus? After the resurrection, nobody was better prepared to preach. On the day of Pentecost, God chose Peter to be a foundational part of his church on earth, to tell others to turn from their sins because Peter had turned from Hiss. A few years later, Peter was asked to deny Christ yet again, but this time he refused even facing death. He refused, and tradition tells us that when the enemies of Christ wanted to crucify Peter for not refusing that he was unwilling to die as his savior did. Instead he asked to be crucified upside out. The same man who years earlier cowered in fear, now stood boldly in faith. He was different. He was broken and poured out now selling her home, leaving our church parting with some finances and living in a little uncomfortable is a far cry away from upside down crucifixion. But true Brokenness before God is not a one time event, it's a daily decision. Deciding to quote Die Daily is a decision to become dependent on God's spirit, relying on him for our comfort, our guidance and as our source of power. See, Craig Rochelle says in his new book, Dangerous Prayers, that being broken isn't just a moment in time. Born out of a painful event, it's a daily decision to die, to pride, to crucify, lust, to destroy selfishness rather than living a life of ease. It's a choice to live a life of faith now. You might experience Brokenness when you do what's right, yet are criticized by those who don't understand. Maybe it's when you respond to a situation in love when someone attacked you and instead of anger, maybe it's when you faithfully do something you believe God directed you to do, even when it doesn't make a lot of sense and even another's mock you. My wife and I were met with major resistance in attacks upon making some of these major life decisions upon God's leading. And sometimes this resistance will even come from those in which he had close relationships. When things get difficult, don't run from God. Run to him. Don't fight the breaking. Don't worry about appearing strong. Be weak, be vulnerable, be broken in your weakness. That's where you discover his strength and in Brokenness his blessings. So in these moments, take a breath and respond with two simple words. Thank you. After such an experience like the one you just heard, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this. Some of you may have experienced God in dramatic fashion. Some of you may have come to know him earlier in life. Some of you may not even remember when you decided to follow Jesus. But regardless of how it happened, the important part was your decision to say yes. And it's when you said yes that God's promises became true for you. No matter the circumstances behind your acceptance in Jeremiah, Chapter 29 it says, for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, their plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope. We normally stop at that verse, but I want to continue on the next couple verses in verse 12 it says. In those days, when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you, says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nation's where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land. Now, whether you saw a burning bush, you were jolted awake in the middle of the night, raised your hand during a church service or just quietly said Yes in your living room. The plans for you are still the same, and if you've never said yes to Jesus, you can actually do that right now. Look, there's nobody watching. It's just you and me. So if you'd like to say yes, go ahead and repeat this prayer wherever you are. Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice. I admit that I'm a center, but thank you for laying your life down for me. I accept your free gift of grace come into my life, live in me, lead my life. Amen.