Breaking the Money Taboo: Building Wealth with Carolin Helff

After building a successful career in finance, Carolin realized that access to information wasn’t the real problem—confidence, language, and systems were.

Today, she helps women feel powerful, informed, and unapologetic about their money through education, strategy, and mindset work.

Together, Emily and Carolin unpack:

• Why women are conditioned to stay quiet about money
• The biggest financial mistakes high-achieving women make
• How to build wealth without restriction, shame, or burnout
• The difference between “earning more” and actually keeping more
• Why financial literacy is a form of self-trust and self-advocacy
• How entrepreneurs can make smarter decisions with cash flow, taxes, and investing

This episode is practical, empowering, and a must-listen for any woman who wants to feel financially confident, capable, and in control—whether you’re building a business, growing your career, or simply ready to stop avoiding your bank account. 

To learn more about Carolin Helff check out instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the_financially_fierce for more information on her upcoming programs.

Sign up for The Second Degree Membership! By becoming a member, we’re getting more intimate than ever! Get the Membership now! 

Check our past episodes of The Second Degree podcast! Remember to follow us on Instagram. 

Transcript

Emily Merrell  00:00

Hey, my name is Emily Merrell. I'm a taco loving people connector, and I'm obsessed with playing the name game and all things networking. I'm the founder of second degree society, a female focused networking community, as well as a business coach for female business owners, passionate about bringing their business to the next level with the help of events, community and connections. I crave deep conversations and am continuously curious to see what makes people tick, and I'm invested in uncovering their stories with some life lessons along the way. This podcast is aimed to inspire and educate as you tackle your busy day. So join the conversation and tune in for the second degree podcast. Hello and welcome back to the second degree podcast with Emily Merrell. I'm your host, Emily, and today I am so excited to have my friend Carolyn helf here live in the virtual studio to talk about all things finances. So Carolyn,

Carolin Helff  01:02

welcome to the show. Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Emily Merrell  01:05

Hello. Hello. And I want to caveat to everyone, this is my first podcast I'm recording post maternity leave. So if my brain all of a sudden becomes the mushy emoji, the you know, the one that where you're just melting, just bear with me. You know, the brain is readjusting to it all, but I am so grateful to have you here, Carolyn. And it has been such a fun journey to watch you grow in your business and understanding who you are. So before we kick things off, can you give us a little intro on who is Miss?

Carolin Helff  01:37

Carolin? Oh, most Absolutely. Well. First of all, welcome back, Emily. It is fantastic to have you back after the second little one that I got to meet when he was about five weeks old. So yay. No worries about your brain, and I'm honored to be on this podcast. So thank you for having me. Okay, let's see who is Miss Carolyn. And we sometimes joke that I'm on kind of my third, you know, chapter in life, because that's just a very typical thing. I've kind of gone around the world a little bit. I'm currently based in New York City, but born and raised in Germany for the first about, you know, 18 years of my life, and have ever, ever since lived in, I think, seven or eight different countries gone the kind of like global management route. So international parts are a big part of Miss Carolyn, and it comes through often, you know, in a curiosity for lots of different perspectives. And I currently find myself in a, you know, project and business that I'm super, super passionate about, and that is finances for women.

Emily Merrell  02:31

I think it's incredible that you've had all these different chapters, and I've read or I've heard or seen that like, I think we're supposed to have five, five chapters in our life, like five different careers. And I don't know about you, Carolyn, but I kind of, I feel bad for the people that only had one taste of something in their life. Yeah, yeah.

Carolin Helff  02:50

I'm, I'm so with you. I think there's so much out there, right? And if we sometimes go after opportunities and and, yeah, just opportunities and maybe just making our own perspective and horizon a little wider by going a little further, I think that's just so epic, because the experiences you get from that are just absolutely priceless.

Emily Merrell  03:07

And the fact that you've had that experience of living in seven to eight different countries, you know, most Americans don't even have their passports, and you have lived there, and you've, like, actually, you know, set up residency, which one of the things I find so cool about you is your reside. I think we can use the word reside currently between New York City and Mexico City. That's right, yeah, yeah, you've lived in multiple cities that there are but okay, so Carolyn, you are on this next project, slash chapter of your life. You are the founder of the financially fierce. And not only that, but you're a certified financial education instructor. But as you, as you referenced, your journey started long before the financially fierce. So can you walk us through some key, pivotal moments that led you into actually wanting to, like, jump away from the global, global jet setting and set up this financial education and empowerment company.

Carolin Helff  04:07

Yeah, absolutely. Where do we even start? So, you know, I always say, what I do think has definitely played a role is I was born and raised in Germany, and just that surrounding, right, like my upbringing, my parents and what society was like, would have been probably quite a bit different than some components of the US. Very typical Germans don't grow up with credit cards. It's no and definitely when I grew up, this wasn't the thing. Now, obviously we have credit cards, but the part of getting a really high credit line, for example, if you don't actually have that money in your bank account, is very not typical. And so I grew up with the like mindset around if we don't have the money for this, we don't spend the money for this, unless it's, we're talking about things like, you know, a house, a car, maybe a massive, like, education component, something like that, other than that, like, if, you know, if you don't have that, we don't spend on it. And so I

Emily Merrell  04:52

always say you're fiscally responsible. This is so wild. Yeah,

Carolin Helff  04:56

let's, let's maybe put a spin off. You know, there is probably an upbringing of slight, slight. Slightly responds a bit more frugal. Like, is probably the word like, we don't live above our means, or at least, I didn't grow up living above my means.

Emily Merrell  05:11

We'll go to therapy later after this call. That's right. That's exactly right, yeah. And so that's

Carolin Helff  05:15

just, you know, one of the parts is like, okay, and you don't know this until you don't know that. And one of my first stations, and then I did go as a high school student and to the US for a year. Obviously, you know, absolutely loved it. There was lots of amazing things. And then the next station after that, the first one after high school, is, I worked for a year in Dubai. And that was, you know, almost 20 years ago. Dubai was, like, super, just crazy at the times. Obviously, that's the kind of, you know, wealth that I had never seen before, like nowadays. I think everybody kind of knows what. You know, Dubai stands for, but like, the utter luxury people that they're like, the way people, you know, talk about money, or how normal money is around, is so, so different. And I was there for a year long. I worked in one of the, you know, only seven star hotels at the time. And so seven stars, yeah, it was this entire thing on, you know, it wasn't comparable to anything five star. And so I was just surrounded by such better wealth, where I was just like, holy smokes, okay. And so I think that definitely gave me a glimpse into, you know, how people were just operating very differently on that level. And also, there we were paid and tips and everything in cash. And so as a, you know, somewhat like, 20 year old, I got cash envelopes every other week as like, here's your salary and some extra tip money. And I was just like, Oh my God, I am in money. And I think that was definitely, yeah,

Emily Merrell  06:32

do stop Well, I was going to say, did you do ever do like, a, oh my God, what's the Scrooge McDuck moment where you, like, threw the cash on a bed and then just jumped on it, because if you had a salary,

Carolin Helff  06:42

I think there was something like that, yeah, but you're just like, Wait, there's so many dear homes, which is the currency in Dubai in my hand. And I was just like, This is wild. And all my, you know, colleagues and friends, we're all doing that, we're just like, wait, what? Like, we've never had this. And I luckily, right, I was pretty responsible with it, I would say. And so I stashed a good amount aside because I knew I, you know, I was only going to be there for a year, I was going to go to university after I was going to study, there were going to be some pretty, you know, high expenses coming towards me. And so I actually stashed away a good, a good amount. And was just like, this is pretty crazy. As in, can I still, with a little bit of help from my parents, just buy this car for myself, and like all these things, and so I think that was one of the first moments of just being surrounded by that kind of wealth and luxury that you're just like they operate differently. People with that think differently.

Emily Merrell  07:32

And I also think like being around hearing how you how you were born and raised, versus then entering into a world of such opulence where their car breaks down, or their car doesn't break down, it's out of gas, and they just Yeah, I imagine that was it was jarring, but also probably really expansive for you. And thinking and giving you that permission, like I can have more, or I'm able to have more, it's not wrong. Look at these people who have a $200,000 a month allowance for their baby, you know, like, exactly it's okay to watch. Yeah, totally.

Carolin Helff  08:08

And I think the big part, luckily, it wasn't so much the materialistic things that, you know, obviously, as a 20 year old, you find them super flashy, and you see all these cars, and you see all the like, luxury designer boutiques and everything. But I think the stuff that really stuck with me is the kind of experiences they could afford. Like it didn't matter if this was a once in a lifetime dinner that was going to cost $1,000 per person, because that's just next level of an experience. It was the are you? You know somebody is treating their wife, their husband, their partner, their kids, to a helicopter flight off. We're never going to do this again. There's this one amazing, like, experience of, you know, like, beautiful tents in the middle of a like the desert that you're just not having access to. And so it's these experiences where I was like, Oh my goodness. And I remember my mom came to visit, and we got the so called staff rates at the hotel. And it was her birthday, and she visited me, and I got, you know, such a staff rate. And so I booked us a suite that we would have never been able to afford if it wasn't for me, probably paying 20% of the price. And her face when we walked in, that was just priceless. The butler, you know, took the suitcase and was like, are you okay? You know, unpack this for you. My mom was like, Wait, excuse me, what do you

Emily Merrell  09:19

want to do? What with my suit? Yeah, it was just adorable. And, you know,

Carolin Helff  09:23

those are kind of the memories that we're never going to forget. And it was really those experiences where I was like, wow, wow. There's some cool stuff out there that you better have the cash for to do and do their loved ones, yeah? Like,

Emily Merrell  09:35

helps you up level that. So then thinking about, okay, Germany to Dubai, was there a personal aha moment, besides seeing your mom's face with a butler interaction, but where it really helped you understand the money, or, like, breaking through a financial block that you might have subconsciously not even known that you had.

Carolin Helff  09:55

I don't think at that time really, because it was almost just this, like out. Entire year, right, where I was just like, wow, how do I even go back to what I what I'm used to, what I what I knew before, and I've always definitely been, I would say the hustler, like, how I got that job in Dubai was, you know, taking up a job in Germany as a waitress. I'm quite the people person. I'm very extroverted. I love being around people. So, you know, the hospitality industry was, was made for me at the time, kind of thing. And so I was just really in it, and was able to, you know, like, bolster up my the money I had available to me quite a bit more. And I think it was just like, wow, I know that I can make money based on the skill set I have, knowing and liking people, and let's go from here. But then I still went to university, right? Like, I studied International Management, did my master's degree. And so it was, there was like, a money, like money making component. But at that time, it was very much still, I can make money with my skill set and me showing up and me putting the hours in, and somebody is going to pay me good money for the hours I'm putting in. And I think that's the massive component that we're now coming to, and that I very much teach on the aha moment that I had years later, where it's like, as long as you were just trading your time, you're going to be tied to either somebody else's rules, as in, if you're employed, right, an employer, company, whatever it is, or even a business that's entirely tied to it is your hour. It is every single hour that somebody will pay you for, but not necessarily the value creation or the transformations you can create for someone. And that's also where some multipliers come in. And so that's where a lot of the deep finances that I now, you know, guide women to

Emily Merrell  11:31

kicks in. I think that is such a, not a gentle, a strong reminder for people to like that we are trading money for we're trading time for money. And when you are creating your own business, it is so much more beyond that. It's not just that salary, it's not there was a moment I remember asking for, I think I got a $10,000 raise in my corporate job, and I felt like a millionaire. I was like, oh my god, $10 more. And then I think it was after I left the job, I did the math. I was like, What is $10,000 broken down? This is before taxes, but by month, and it wasn't even, it wasn't even $1,000 a month. And I was like, that is so sad, and that is, but we're, we're just waiting for, like, that next bone to be thrown at you, that next reward, that next ping of dopamine. So I'm eager to dive into multipliers and thinking about that more. So, you know, going back to your childhood, I feel like you were given a general rule of thumb of financial literacy and or, you know, like

Carolin Helff  12:40

how, is there? No, we can dive into that. Yeah, so we can

Emily Merrell  12:42

dive into it, but, like, we live within means, essentially, not necessarily, like, grow wealth, but live within means where it is true. In America, we play this game of credit where it's like, you opened a credit card at 18 and your credit score is better, even though you've got $300 in your bank account and you don't have a credit card, but you have $80,000 in your bank account, but your credits garbage. And you know it's like credit is very much a motivator in America. For some reason, it's this, I always feel like it's Monopoly money, truth be told, like doesn't feel real. So in having both experience, both Germany, Dubai, multiple other countries and America. What are some common money myths or narratives that you've a heard and then also that you like to work to dispel?

Carolin Helff  13:35

So I'll, I'll kind of segue it to to what I mentioned before, that part of where you are exchanging money for time. This is one of the, I would say, patterns that I have seen everywhere, and it's very much also how I grew up. So both my parents were and are entrepreneurs. My dad had his own, like, software company, and my mom is a, you know, private doctor, so she has her own practice, but everything for both of those times meant as long as they were present, as long as they were there, the more hours they put in that very typical hustle, the more money was kind of there, and most of the times, right? That that directly worked out. And so I grew up with this, you just got a hustle really, really hard for your money, and then you can make it. And at the same time, I always tell my parents, like the money that they made went straight back into the system, aka, we're going to renovate our house, we're going to give you a better education, we're going to put more into like growing our businesses, right investments directly back into their system. And so what I see a lot today, and this is like the same in Germany and in the US, wherever I work with a lot of the typical female hustlers, it's the if I just work harder, if I just run a little faster on this hamster wheel, if I just climb whatever ladder I've built for myself or society has said for me, and just go do that. This is where the wealth is happening. And that is one of the most like, the biggest myth, because just because you hustle really hard does not mean you are going to be wealthy, unless you also get super, super strategic and actually. Start really making the money you're making in your hustle, start to work for you. Otherwise you're going to just be on the hamster wheel and it'll keep running and it you will make it go faster, or it will make it go faster, but you're going to be stuck in

Emily Merrell  15:12

that hamster wheel. And I'm so happy you said that, because I think there's a there's a lot of feelings that come up when you say like, work harder. Work harder. I think so many people work really, really hard and say, also allow themselves like joy when this happens. Oh,

Carolin Helff  15:29

the conditional when, when and if, I know same,

Emily Merrell  15:35

right? I know I I've so many people that come to my mind that are like, I'm not allowed to take a vacation until I or I'm I can do something personal and joyful and cup filling when I oh yeah, they're just and then they don't get there. And then they shrink inwards, and they get more sad, and they get less motivated and like the stress and the cortisol levels, and then they die. So that's it, right?

Carolin Helff  16:03

Also, like, I think that's, that's a great point. Also when, the when and the if, our psychology, the point might come, and at that point, you're just moving the goal post 1,000% you're like, oh, but only when and if, but now is not the right time, if I just do another a little more. And so you're constantly moving the goal post that like, it's constantly as if you're running a marathon and somebody is like, like, moving damage line for you, and you're like, but I'm almost there, but you're kind of doing it to yourself, right? And we're obviously not doing that, like, super in a super conscious way. But I think it's a really, it's a dangerous trap to fall into, because then you're, you're, you're, really, are in that, in that hamster wheel. And I'm a firm believer that we don't live for that. And this might be another part where the German thing comes through. Like, do we live to work, or do we work to live? Yes, yes. And I bring that through. You know, I think quite a bit on being like, well, can we get, like, if you ask someone, right? Or if you, if you like, we've had dinner together. We've, like, been in so many, like, different groups, and even in all my different circles all over the globe, I'm like, Well, what do you what do you make the money for? Like, what's your dream? What? What? What are the things that you love doing? What are the people you love hanging out with? What are the experiences you like having? Right? And the saddest part is like, well, I want to retire a little earlier and then do all these things. I don't want to wait until 65 but I want to retire with 60 and then I'm going to, like, travel the world. And I'm like, that sounds horrible. Years out. No, no, so much life to be lived until they are that like, without making dreams a reality. I'm like, no, no, no, no.

Emily Merrell  17:29

I've had this conversation. There's a person that this comes to, comes to mind. If you're listening to this you'll know who the who you are. But we've had this conversation where this person is very financially fit. She has no children, she has a partner, she has a stable job, and she works. Her took us off, and she will not take vacation, she will not work out. She will not she just works and works and works and works. And I'm like, but for what like, I even played the worst case scenario with her. I was like, so what happens? You lose your job tomorrow, and you go through all of your savings. Then what I'm moving with my

Carolin Helff  18:04

parents, would you even be able to blow through all your savings? Yes, what do you even give me? What would you do? What would you what would you fill your

Emily Merrell  18:10

day with if it wasn't work, if it wasn't work? And I think that's, that's a great, great, great question. And, you know, bringing it back to trading time for money, how do we step away from that mindset and move more into a mindset of abundance and wealth?

Carolin Helff  18:30

Another fantastic question. So one thing I first say, and what's like a big part of my program that we'll get into in a little bit, is that awareness. It's the awareness of, what do I actually have? What do I actually want? What do I need? And taking a step back from the I'm just doing all the time, right? Which is very typical, like, I'm just back in New York, like, there's a hustle, like, where you are, like, la San Francisco, like all the places, once we start being there, right? Like, we're surrounded by this, it's a chip, like, it's a ship on your shoulder to, like, just constantly be busy and be doing, doing, doing, where a lot of other things are obviously, definitely falling behind, and we might not focus on but first part is always that awareness about your finances, about what does your dream life look like? What would make you really, really fulfilled? Are you capable of stepping away and even enjoying your life and being like, Hey, this is what I'm working towards. If you have a partner, if you have a family, do you guys have a shared kind of North Star on this is what we would love to do together. And are you carving out both time and money and resources right to do that, or are you kind of forever postponing it, that part, we will do that when and so awareness first. Can you even say that? Can you have an honest conversation just with yourself? I always have everybody you know, journal in my in my sessions, or also when they first come to me, I'm like, paint me the picture of what is your ideal picture? And you're like, wait what I thought you were just going to help me structure my finances. And I'm like, if we don't know the. The we're trying to, like, board a bus here, and you can't tell me if you want to go on the bus, where you want to go with the bus. What are we going to tell the driver?

Emily Merrell  20:09

Right? Just wait for 30 more years.

Carolin Helff  20:12

Yeah, and it's so I would say awareness. It's a level of self awareness. It's a bit of, like, an inward looking and an inward journey, understanding what's super important to you and what isn't for some people, it is some kind of right, and a lot of that ties back in psychology. Of like, do we feel safe and secure? Is there probably, like, something about an upbringing, about the example of a of a woman in your circle that you have just mentioned? There's obviously a lot deeper psychology that's going on there. Because logically, people like that. They know there is something going on, but there is probably some, like, pretty deep rooted, you know, other components, where they've just decided not to open Pandora's Box. Yes, because there's a lot of being scared. But I feel like that exercise, I'm really looking a bit more inward and being aware of what I want, and then being like, okay? And I always say, once we have that awareness, now let's align your money to your dreams, and then people always look at me. They're like, we doing what? Where do you want to what do you want to spend your money on? What do you want to have all this money for you working your buttocks off? And what you want to be a paper millionaire? What is that supposed to do for you? Is that just safety and security, because somebody told you you need millions in the bank in order to be secure. Let's break that down a little more and actually paint the, you know, your perfect, perfect life, and then let's make a plan how we can get you there.

Emily Merrell  21:30

I think that's so, so so remarkable. And I think as women too, like I don't know, I don't want to blanket statement to every woman, it's hard to ask for help. So having that sounding board of a professional, where you are able to kind of show your your cards that you're holding so close to your chest, to someone and like especially someone who's a an expansive individual, to help you dream and help you envision and help you plan. But at the same time, I'm curious for people who might feel shame around money, where they're not making enough money, or they don't feel like they're they're at a place yet where they can give themselves permission to work with a financial empowered person, like, I'm like be a financial planner. It could be a financial coach, whatever it is. What are your feelings on those people?

Carolin Helff  22:20

Lots of, lots of what I see with so many women, you would be surprised, the level of shame women feel around money. And we can just, you know, play this game around our circle, everybody you just know. And to this day, even now I'm in this field, when do women ever talk about money out in the open? It doesn't even matter if you don't make enough, or if you make quite a bit, like we have been told in society that it is not ladylike, it is greedy. It is not normal for a woman to talk about money, especially wanting more of it, potentially saying I don't feel I'm making enough. And obviously right with all these conversations about the like the gap in like salaries and raises and everything, we're starting to bring more and more in the last couple of years, right back to the like to the surface, but there is so much of even if you make enough, there's so much shame around it. Maybe I'm making enough, but, oh, I should be making more. Or maybe somebody else is ahead of me. I don't know the other women in my like world. Women barely even talk to their friends about money, which is a topic that I really, really do want to normalize. I'm having just more almost round table conversations. It's pretty normal for men. When men have a dinner conversation that at some point money and investments will come up. Yo, what are you doing? What is your appreciating asset? Are you getting in business? Women? It's like, are we good? Okay, okay, okay. Maybe it just, it's just not normal to have the conversation. And so I always say, first, let's try to normalize it. If you have friends that you that you trust, just be like, Hey, how do you guys feel about your money? And sometimes it's just a normal conversation to even allow everybody to being like, why is this so weird? This feels weird, like, I'm not comfortable doing this, but slowly just getting our, like, nervous system used to even just saying it. And so I host a lot of you know, these kind of things where we can just come together and be like, let's just have a conversation. Like, I don't ever have anybody declare what the actual bank balance is. We only do that in like, you know, personal, confidential, one on ones, yeah. But I'm always like, let's just, how do you feel about it? Do you know if you're making enough? Do you make too little? A lot of women underestimate how much they have. Weirdly, they're like, I don't I think I should be further. I think I should have enough. I don't know what the number is, but I feel like I'm behind.

Emily Merrell  24:25

Yeah, another behind, especially in entrepreneurship. I think there's that I myself included, like that moment where you stepped out of your corporate consistency. Like there were several years I didn't, I didn't contribute to a 401, K. It's probably until, like, 2019 and then I opened up a SEP IRA, because no one told me

Carolin Helff  24:45

that I could open up one, you know. How would you know? How would

Emily Merrell  24:49

you know? You don't know until you have that conversation with the right person who's like, oh, you know, you could still be, like, growing the money that you've had sitting in that 401 K, Oh, wow. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. That would have

Carolin Helff  25:01

been right, really? Yeah, there's all these little, I call them blind, like blind spots. You don't know what you don't know. And it's not like you know what to ask, because you're not even aware that you're missing out on anything. Totally,

Emily Merrell  25:15

totally, totally, yeah, I think there's a lot of those in in life in general. So my question for you is, you know, let's, let's aim this mostly to entrepreneurial women at this moment in time. So you're an entrepreneur, you're hearing this conversation, your head is like bobbing along, being like, yep, yep, yep. I felt that feeling. I felt that feeling. What are the immediate next steps you want to suggest to these people,

Carolin Helff  25:42

what do they have a particular problem set, or are we just going General?

Emily Merrell  25:46

Let's say General. Let's say general. They like they they maybe don't have they don't talk about money with their girlfriends. They money is definitely something. They feel an emotion around, usually like a shame, or less, they don't have a lot of it, or they don't feel like they could be braggadocious around their friends who are having these corporate jobs and talking about these like year end bonuses that are blowing their minds and moving them up tax brackets. How can they show up to a conversation with money with more confidence?

Carolin Helff  26:21

Great question, and a tricky one. I know, I know this is very nuanced. I so what i and this is something that I had to learn myself right having stepped away from a well paying, nice, earning corporate job into entrepreneurship, you've been there, like, what a lot of us will have been there. We're also you're going to constantly kind of compare back then, like, did I give up this at the time? It didn't even look that cushy, but looking back now, it feels quite cushy kind of paycheck. And do I now maybe have to look in what I invest back into my business? It's all on me to do that. And so all to say, one of those first things that I found really, really helpful, even with myself, is really diving deep into what do I value about my money, and really be like, where do I like spending my money? Where do I want to go? And so, for example, also with girlfriends or also with people that have very, very different income levels. It is so empowering if you at some point are, like, ladies, guys, girlfriends, this, like brunch that we do once a month that's ending up costing every single one of us $250 and I $50 and I feel like I don't even get to connect with half of you because the table is so big. I'm kind of not like it doesn't make me feel great. I don't love it. I would love to do something else where we have so much more because I value right, and then fill it in. And that already is becoming such a because there's such a weird peer pressure as well, where you're like, what are we doing? What are the activities? Does everybody enjoy them? Or have we just decided that that's what we what we find exciting? And so first, just know what you value. All to say if you love that branch, and this is the best thing that happens on one Saturday, go do it. Just don't do it if you don't love it, right? And so find the things you value and also bring that in, like bring that in, like, bring that in when the other people are there, and being like, what do you love doing with your money? Like, what is it that that your perfect life, that money allows you to do and enables you to do? Because I always say, you know, money is, at the end of the day, it's just a tool. It's a tool to, like, exchange for. I just have this money, and I'm getting something that is something of value to me, and getting really clear on that, and kind of breaking free a little bit from some of the society. Of the societal pressures. And then the other part that I always see with entrepreneurs, anybody or coach, anybody really right who's who's no longer under the umbrella of there's somewhat of a predictable paycheck coming in every two weeks that, like inconsistent, inconsistent income is the one thing that's pretty consistent in our lives is expenses and your costs, what your life costs in a given month, aka, rent, groceries, transportation, insurance, that kind of stuff. Let's start making a list and be somewhat clear what your life costs in a given month. The stuff that you can't really downsize right where you're like, that's that's baseline like, here's my fixed expenses. What's the stuff you like spending money on where you're like, in order to be operating at a great human level, I need to have my therapist twice a month. I need to have a self care day. I need to be able to fill in the blank, right, what makes you operate and be in in good nervous system standing with yourself. Be really, really clear on that, and start understanding kind of the run rate that you have, because there is a lot of and to this day, I surprise myself with this where I'm like, Oh, I kind of know my spending per month. You have one or two, you have one or two, three things that happen to you, to the business, to life that month. And you're just like, did we just blow above that on $3,000 and was that indeed an exception and an outlier month or or is there a creepy $3,000 extra. Once again, I'm making up the numbers here where you're just like, Oh my goodness. This happens every month. It just looks different.

Emily Merrell  29:49

And it's so funny. You say this because there's an aspect of, like, an old version of myself, where in New York, I was like, if I can just pay my rent like that will be. I I will be happy, and my rent was not that much now, in hindsight, compared to life in general, be like, I will just be happy and like, I didn't factor food into it. I didn't factor anything else. I

Carolin Helff  30:15

was just eating. I just sit in my really cute little New York apartment, do nothing else, and that'd be good. And you were like, Hmm,

Emily Merrell  30:20

definitely, I was, like, eating almonds like a little rat, just scavenging for scraps. But also, I think being single, there was this aspect of hustling more, like we had brought you, brought in hustling. I'd like, rent out my apartment, and, like, in exchange, you know, for months, there would be levers that I could pull. And it is fascinating those fixed costs, when you have those fixed costs, and you're like, I can't necessarily, with a draw child from daycare this month and then pop them back in next month like you are, they're a little harder, and that that needle. But I so appreciate what you said, too, about saying no, and I think that boundary of like, you could have all your girlfriends are getting brunch and because that's fun, or was the tradition, there's something really empowering about like spending money when you want to spend money, and when you mean it, and you're all in, versus going to brunch and being that girl who orders like a glass of water and a side salad, and you're still paying 250 bucks,

Carolin Helff  31:22

exactly, yeah, and it's just really that part, right? Like, if brunch is your thing or not your thing, but it's the part of don't. And there's a lot of like, financial, I feel like this is becoming a bit more like, if you, if you follow any of the people on Instagram and something like that, there's a lot of good, good things in there on really figuring out what is important to you in life. Where do you like to spend your money, make sure that is indeed where you spend your money, things you value, things that are worth it to you, and cut back on the stuff where you end up being like, Oh my God, God, I hate that. Like, I have this thing. I'll give you my example. Like, I think you know this, but I live on a like, fifth or sixth floor walk up in New York City, the good Sex in the City apartment we still are keeping around. And I have this thing where I'm like, Oh my god. Well, any DoorDash driver will, for sure hate me having to come up here. I'll probably have to meet him halfway, because otherwise he's not going to even come in. But then I also order something, and I'm like, that was a mediocre bowl off, right? God knows what, great like a grain bowl. And you're like, how, with all the fees, did that come out to be $31 Oh, my God, that was not worth $31 and then I'm just like, I now no longer enjoy this grain bowl, because where did all these fees go? And what is it? So I have a particular thing about or, like, order, order out, order in and do that. And I thought that a couple of times where, you know, also, I would get stressed in business. It would just be a convenience. And I would look at my credit card statements at the end of the month, and being like, how did I end up paying like, 10 quick lunches in $300 I'm like, Oh my good God, don't enjoy that. Would I maybe enjoy, you know, a like, tasting menu in one of the nice restaurants in New York? And be like, I will happily pay $300 for that totally, absolutely. And so it's the I guess the point I'm making is very much figure out what $1 is worth to you. It is worth different in different like settings.

Emily Merrell  33:06

I'm I have never cried more than a new in San Francisco when the food was delivered and it would come and it was like freezing cold. It would take an hour, and it was so it was like, mediocre, or they were so mediocre, so mediocre they I remember there was one time it was like two days before I gave birth to my first son, and I had ordered fries from Suvla, and they didn't have the fries, and I just, like, broke down hysterically, and

Carolin Helff  33:35

my husband's souvenir fries, and you needed that frozen Greek yogurt with the olive oil, and it was like,

Emily Merrell  33:39

melted. Yes, it was, it's just so sad. And I was like, we could have gone there, or we would order this gluten free, this cauliflower pizza from like a ghost kitchen. We'd order two of them, and it'd be $100 and I was and we do it every Friday, and I'm like, why is this pizza so effing expensive? And we'd even like, try to find the location and pick it up, still $100 like, just everything was so expensive, and I, I couldn't I, I'm exactly like you, like I felt so like, I didn't enjoy it. I was just mad, didn't enjoy it,

Carolin Helff  34:11

and then you feel guilty, and guilty, yeah, and that was the worst feeling, because now I've just had mediocre food that I paid $100 for, and now I'm not even happy, because if that was part of your guidance. Date Night. You're like, cauliflower pizza. It's always been our thing that paired with a nice bottle of God knows what it was at home, and you're like, This is our thing worth every penny. You wouldn't think about it twice. You'd be like, this gives me so much joy. Let's go. Yeah? So by the way, I on that kind of stuff. I always make the joke. I say this to like, all my clients everywhere. I'm like, let's do the Mary condo effect with your credit card statement, you'll get the line items, and if it sparks joy, we're going to keep doing it. If you get the ache, we're cutting that stuff out.

Emily Merrell  34:49

So smart. It is so smart. Well, okay, Carolyn, I could talk to you for like, another 72 hours. This is really challenging, but I'm like, how do we. How do we do a Part One Two? Maybe we'll do you've gone down the rabbit hole of cauliflower pizza. I know. I was like, oh, there's so much I could shut my mouth on like, shut my mouth. I'm like, well, so I'm curious, Carolyn, where can people find out more about you? Find out, find out more about the financially fierce, and kind of get a taste of Carolyn, if not tasting menu.

Carolin Helff  35:20

There we go. There we go. I love it. We're back the mic, exactly. Woof, back on track. The two most places, I would say, is definitely Instagram. And there it is, the financially fierce. And then on LinkedIn, you can just find me under my normal name and same the financially fierce page. It's Carolyn health. And you will see, you know, finance coaching and money strategy and the financially fierce is very much around that. That's why the brand name is that, and why? Because I identify so much with it. Because most women, the emotion, or any kind of feeling towards their finances that comes up is usually a negative emotion. It's nothing ever that's empowering. And boom, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a badass, you know, Lady in any of this. And so I'm like, whenever they come to me, I'm like, I want us to be fierce. Like, yeah, when we talk about our monies, we're like, super fierce. We feel great about how it's all set up. And so come find me on Instagram and LinkedIn. I have a couple of cool replays that you can tap into, some webinars, some you know, like freebie checklists. So you can get a feel for it. You'll get a feel for me fast talking on any of my videos. And we love it, so I'm gonna get it. Get a taste for it.

Emily Merrell  36:24

It's so good. Well, Carolyn, before we go, and thank you so much for just the honest conversation. This was so this is so empowering for me, and I hope it's just as empowering for those listening to us today. But before we go, I'm curious. Quick, fast questions for you. Tell us an unknown fun fact about Carolyn.

Carolin Helff  36:47

Well, I've kind of given you the story because we, they used to call me the, like, smallest bouncer in Dubai, because I'm a very, you know this. I'm very short, I'm like, five, three, and so I would just like hold the door of this very fantastic hotel. And people are like, wait, what you were, what's going on back in the day? You know,

Emily Merrell  37:06

there's, like, no Riff Raff in Dubai, right? Like, you're like, oh, you're a five star person. You can't come in here.

Carolin Helff  37:11

That's right? And I did have, like, you know, about 19 security people before they would come to me. So it was, yeah, it was just had a

Emily Merrell  37:18

say at the rope. That's so cool. I would like to go out to a club with you who would be a dream person for you to meet or be connected with. Oh,

Carolin Helff  37:28

that's so tricky. So right off, there's so many fantastic people. And this is going to sound somewhat boring, but I still feel like Michelle Obama, because especially if you look at her nowadays, like how she shows up different, with her hair no longer, you know, all blown out like she is just such a badass. And I just kind of want to sit down with her have a glass of, like, fun bubbles, or preferably a mescal Margarita, and being like, how does it really feel? What's going on in the background? How often do you have to bite your tongue due to you can't say what you actually want to

Emily Merrell  37:57

say? Totally. You're like, I want to spill tea all the time, but you have to keep it together. Um, What show are you currently watching?

Carolin Helff  38:05

Ooh, what did I watch the other day? Okay, so here's a funny thing. I own. I watch mostly TV in the winter, when it's cold. Otherwise, I'm very extroverted and, you know, run to all my networking events. But I did watch one the other day, and, oh, what was it? God, that's not going to I'm going to come back to you. I'm gonna have to bring this

Emily Merrell  38:21

up. Yeah. She's like, I watch TV. I think it totally okay. What book are you reading? Or do you just, like, off the top of your head, you think everyone should read?

Carolin Helff  38:32

So I just recently with my business coach, got into one that I really enjoyed. I usually tend to read two books at once, one that's very much tickling my brain from a business perspective and something new. And that one is that I just started, is the gap in the game. And I'm not sure if you know that one, it's very much on the mindset for high achieving people. And whenever we take on something new that we sometimes will subconsciously or just do it to our own detriment, always look at the gap. Oh, but I used to make this much money in corporate, and now I'm in this, you know, coaching business, and I'm only making this much, and it's the gap of what I used to do and what I do now. Rather than focusing on I completely started a new chapter. I did so many amazing things, and essentially focus on the gains and the small wins that you've already had. It's a very typical, I think, High Achiever problem. I see it a lot of with my clients. They're like, but I wish I was further. And I'm like, let's focus on how far you've come. So that's, that's one that's about the gap, the gap and the gain, and then the other one is just, I think you're going to like this, yours truly, like any of those. And I do a lot of audio books, because I'm like, let me just let me, let me go, move. And I'm just going to pop that in my headphones.

Emily Merrell  39:41

I finished all of them. I think I've read every happy Jimenez that there is to read. I'm getting a little romance so good. It's like the same formula over and over, over and over there. They're these

Carolin Helff  39:52

beautiful, emotional, available man. And I'm like, Yes, more of that, too. The world that is normal,

Emily Merrell  39:57

the man is always the good one, and the woman's like. I can't be with you because I'm fill in the blanker problem. I can't have kids

Carolin Helff  40:06

or things, right? Limiting beliefs all over, all

Emily Merrell  40:09

over. It's really funny. Okay, what is your favorite or most used emoji? Oh, tricky. I know these are the hard drives,

Carolin Helff  40:18

but these are all I feel like. I constantly I'm like, somewhere between like, a like, a cheeky, Winky smile is always my thing. I'm like, oh, did I just say something cheeky, and let's see if you react to it, kind

Emily Merrell  40:30

of thing. She's like, everything I do, like, I would like to order this cheeky

Carolin Helff  40:34

wink, cheeky wink. I do this with my finance where I'll just be like, so how are we doing on, like, getting the Mary condo effect on our credit card? Yeah, we are doing overspending. Wink, wink. Damn it nice. Call out, but you're doing it in a cute way.

Emily Merrell  40:47

You're so cute at asking me the hard

Carolin Helff  40:49

questions. I'm like, Am I your hype girl right now, or am I getting the whip out? You get to pick.

Emily Merrell  40:53

And then my final question for you today is, what permission Do you want to give our listeners of today's episode.

Carolin Helff  41:03

You don't have to have it all together before you can start having financial foundations. It's literally the tiny little things do one step, spend one hour with yourself, and if it's a journal exercise on how do I actually want my dream life to look like? Don't postpone it. Don't push it out. Don't let life take over and be like the hamster wheel is more important than me just having a look inwards. Applause.

Emily Merrell  41:28

I love it. I love it. Big, big mic drop and amount round of applause. And Carolyn, thank you so much for joining us today and for all of your wisdom and grace on today's episode of the second

Carolin Helff  41:39

degree. Thank you so much for having me. Welcome back, Emily. I think great to have you back.

Emily Merrell  41:46

I'm all back. Have a great day. Everyone. Take care. Thank you. Bye, bye, bye.