Grief/Depression? Which is it?

Grief and depression are often treated as the same thing—but they’re not. And confusing the two can leave people feeling broken, misdiagnosed, or deeply misunderstood.

In this special Christmas Eve “Healing for the Holidays” episode of When the Bough Breaks, Alexis explores the nuanced differences between grief and depression, where they overlap, and why so many people struggle to name what they’re actually experiencing. Through lived insight and grounded reflection, this episode dismantles the pressure to “heal on a timeline” and challenges the idea that ongoing grief is a personal failure.

If you’ve ever wondered why time didn’t fix it, why therapy didn’t “solve” it, or why you feel functional but still profoundly heavy—this episode is for you.

This is not a diagnostic episode. It’s a human one.

1. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)

Call or Text: 988

Available 24/7, free and confidential.

You can contact 988 if you are:

•Thinking about suicide

•Feeling hopeless or overwhelmed

•Experiencing emotional distress

•Facing a mental health or substance use crisis

•Concerned about someone else

You can call or text—whatever feels safest.

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2. Crisis Text Line (U.S.)

Text: HOME to 741741

Available 24/7, free crisis support via text with a trained counselor.

This option is especially helpful if:

•You prefer texting over talking

•You can’t speak freely where you are

•You need immediate emotional support or grounding

Text HOME to 741741 for support.

⸻

3. SAMHSA National Helpline

Call: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Available 24/7, free and confidential.

This is not a crisis line like 988.

It’s for:

•Treatment referrals

•Mental health or substance use resources

•Help for yourself or someone you care about

⸻

4. Dr. Robb Kelly – Substance Use & Mental Health Support

Dr. Robb Kelly, a previous guest on When the Bough Breaks, offers risk-free substance abuse treatment programs, meaning there is no financial or personal risk to you or your family.

A link to his episode and resources is included below for listeners who want additional support.

https://robbkelly.com/

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5. NAMI Helpline

Call: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

Available Monday–Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. ET

NAMI provides:

•Education and referrals

•Peer support

•Guidance on next steps such as therapy, support groups, and navigating care systems

•Support for individuals and families affected by mental health conditions

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Welcome back to When the Bow Breaks Podcast, the podcast where estranged people, survivors, and anyone trying to crawl their way back into themselves can breathe a little bit easier. Today we're naming something that every guest, every listener, and honestly, probably every human on this planet has dealt with at some point in their life. Grief and depression. We throw the words around like they're interchangeable, but they're not. And knowing the difference can change exactly how you take care of yourself. First of all, grief is not a problem to solve. It's not a malfunction. Grief is the emotional receipt for loving, hoping, and losing something that mattered to you. It shows up when a relationship breaks. It shows up when a family falls apart. When you walk away from people that you still love. It bends you, but it doesn't erase you like depression can. Oh, it's coming. Stay tuned. Keep listening, folks. My name is Alexis Everlyn, and you are listening to When the Bow Breaks Podcast, and this is an episode about grief and depression. Stay with us. So, what depression really is a different beast entirely. It's not really an emotional wave like you think it is. It's more like a flat line. You know what I'm saying? It's more like a thick, thick fog. It's a weight on you that doesn't move. Depression drains the color out of things that you love. Your energy just disappears. Your self-worth takes a hit. You can't find the joy anymore. Joy stops reaching you. Where even the good moments can feel muted. Grief says, I hurt because I loved something or someone. Depression says I hurt, but I also can't feel anything at all. And I can't do anything. I don't know. You might need know why or why or why not. You may know the reason for your depression, you may not. It can creep in quietly. It does not need a reason or a tragedy or a loss. Sometimes it just moves in, settles in like a roommate who doesn't pay the rent. Some people can be born with it. But things can also kick it off, too. Grief and depression, how they overlap and how they can confuse people. So the tricky part is you can have both grief and depression. Especially us estranged folks. We are no strangers to the double-stacked emotional pain. Grief brings sadness. Depression brings numbness. Grief comes in waves. Depression is stillness. Grief keeps your identity intact. Depression kicks your identity in the balls. You might be grieving a parent who is still alive, a childhood that you deserved, a version of yourself that you never got to be, and you can be clinically depressed at the same time. And the overlap doesn't mean that you're broken, it means that you're human and that you've been caring too much for too long all alone. So, how do we deal with this bullshit? Let's make it practical. Okay. If you're sitting at home, like wondering, okay, but which do I have? Am I grieving or am I depressed? Uh, because actually it took me a while to understand the difference between the two, because I just felt like I was sad all the time. Um and then sometimes I wouldn't be sad, and then I would be sad again, and then sometimes I wouldn't be sad. I would just be like upset and like kind of like kind of like numb and kind of like, I don't know, I don't, I'm not feeling like myself. I don't know. Just kind of feel like shit. I don't really know. Like my therapist, like, it sounds like you're going through some depression. It's like, oh shit. Yeah, I guess. Uh it can be like that. Um, it can be hard to tell, like, what is wrong with me. Uh so we're going to do kind of like a simple emotional check-in, okay? If your feelings come and go in waves, that's grief. If your energy, your hope, and your joy feel flat or gone, that is depression. If you feel both sadness and emptiness, that is both. And neither one of those things, honey, is your fault. Neither one of those things makes you weak. Okay? It just makes you human. So why does the difference matter? It matters because of the way you take care of yourself can change depending on which one that you're facing. When you're grieving, you need expression. Uh I was feeling really smart one day when I came up with this. I was like talking about how I a lot of my grief as a child was heavily suppressed, and all that did was breed suppression. So I was like, suppression breeds depression. And I was like, oh, I'm smart. Um, but it's true. Uh if you're grieving something, if you're sad, don't hold it in. Don't like nobody cares. Like, yes, we do care. We care about you, and we care that somebody, something is something somebody or something is making you sad. So uh here's how to work with that. Talk about it, cry about it, remember it, write about it, storytell it, get together with all your friends and have a beer over it and laugh about it. Build meaning, connection. That is what your grief needs. Okay. All the things that are about yourself that make you who you are and make you strong, your grief needs that. Your grief needs you, still needs your art. It still needs your functioning. Okay. It needs community and sometimes therapy, sometimes medication, and sometimes it means someone saying, You don't have to do this by yourself. I'm going to be with you. I'm going to help you. And when you're dealing with both of those things, as many estranged people do, you need a blend of compassion and structure. You need room to feel, and you need scaffolding to hold you up on the days you can't feel at all. If that makes sense. Grief is evidence that something mattered to you. Depression is evidence that something inside of you needs help and care. Neither emotion is shameful, neither emotion makes you too much. Both are invitations back to yourself. So if you're listening and you're thinking, well, damn, I've been drowning and I didn't even have the right words for it. Then this episode is your permission slip to slow down, name what's happening to you, get the kind of support that fits your experience, not someone else's expectations. Okay? You're not alone in this. You are not failing. You are just human, and healing is allowed here. If this episode hit home for you, share it with someone who needs it. And if you're navigating grief or depression, and you want to be a guest on when the bow breaks, the door is always open. Send us an email to wtbb podcast at gmail.com. If you are in emotional pain, thinking about hurting yourself, or you feel like you can't keep yourself safe, please reach out to a crisis line. You don't have to be on the edge in order to qualify to call or text. Here's some numbers to help you out. You can text or call 988, which is the suicide and crisis lifeline. Again, that's 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can call or text. 247. It's free and confidential to 988. You can call or text 988 if you are thinking about suicide, feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, worried about someone else, dealing with emotional distress, mental health, or substance use crisis. Give it a shy. That's 741 twice. That's all in the same thing. Six numbers, 741-741. Uh text home to 741-741 for free 24-7 crisis support with a trained counselor. This number is good for people who prefer texting instead of talking, or if they're in a situation where they can't uh speak freely. This is also good for someone who needs immediate emotional support and grounding. So if you would rather text instead of talk, if you're in a situation where you can't speak or you need immediate emotional support and grounding help, text home to 741-741 for the U.S. Crisis Text Line. That's 1-800-662-4357. They are also available 24-7 and free and confidential help for treatment referrals for mental health and substance use disorders. This number is not a crisis line like 988, but it is for finding treatment, getting information for yourself or someone else that you care about. So if you're if you want to help someone out with these things, or if you need help with substance use, call 1-800-662-HELP. It's free. And I'd also like to recommend someone else who's actually been a guest on the show. His name is Dr. Rob Kelly. Dr. Rob Kelly has his uh his own group where he offers risk-free substance abuse treatment programs. Uh, so there's no risk to you or your family. So if you'd like, I'll leave the link for that episode because there's all kinds of goodies in there, and he's got information that can uh help you with those things too. So remember, Dr. Rob Kelly is also a great resource for uh mental health and substance uh issues. There's also the NAMI helpline for information and support. You can call 1-800-950-NAMI-6264. That's 1-800-950-6264. They are available Monday through Friday between the hours of 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. NAMI provides education referrals and peer support for people living with mental health conditions and their families. They also provide guidance on next steps, which could be therapy or support groups or navigating certain systems and things like that. So again, go back and listen. Uh, I will also list all these numbers and all this information in the show notes. Thank you for listening to When the Bell Breaks Podcast. This is your host, Alexa Sarah Lynn.