If a New Year's Resolution Falls in the Forest, Will Anyone Hear it?

How not to litigate your marriage like it’s a podcast court. Memory misfires. Sleep disappears. Someone says “circle back” and a soul leaves a body. Embarrassment is declared a lifestyle. Cringe becomes courage in a novelty hat. No onions are harmed. Art appears. Strangers clap. Wellness culture smells like fish and asks too many questions. Listener messages arrive carrying thermostat wars, sacred mugs, and mysteries best left unsolved. If you enjoy funny relationship podcasts, surreal self-help, and watching adults cope in real time—this is for you. Follow. Share. Protect your intention like a raccoon guarding trash at midnight.

Super Familiar with The Wilsons 
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Transcript

New Year, No Resolutions

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Familiar Wilson's Media. Relationships are the story.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

You are made of meat, my friend, all the way down.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

The following podcast uses words like and and also woo. If you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance. Three, two, one. Run. Super familiar with that.

SPEAKER_04 0:31

Welcome to Super Familiar with Wilsons. I'm Amanda.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

And I'm Josh, and this is the podcast about marriage 2.0 with kids. And all those side quests. Amanda, it is the new year. Do you have any new year's resolutions?

SPEAKER_04 0:45

I do not do resolutions.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Wait, say more about that.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

Well, because they just make you feel bad. They make you feel bad when you don't finish them. And uh so then I try to set intentions, but honestly, I'm just gonna go with you're seeing more and more now that really winter is the middle of rest. Like we should we should be resting. The earth is resting, the crops are resting.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

That's right. I just looked out on the field, so the crops are definitely resting.

SPEAKER_04 1:12

They're resting. And so when they like spring to life in spring and all the baby lambs and chicks and all those things are born, then I will start going to the gym.

Josh’s Resolution Confessions

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Right. So what you're saying is that I shouldn't expect for you to go to the gym until I see frolicking around our very small front yard, baby lambs and chicks. Yeah. Very good. I have some New Year's resolutions. Would you like to hear them? Sure. Okay. So these are my New Year's resolutions that are absolutely already in jeopardy. Okay. Number one, I will stop announcing that I'm not mad while actually I'm very clearly mad. Also, if I say I'm fine, I'm gonna make sure to make my face match the sentence.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

I will not treat every minor inconvenience as evidence of societal collapse.

SPEAKER_04 1:56

I mean, I feel like maybe Winthrop already does this for you. What? Because I mean, every little tiny thing that happens to him is the end of the world.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

So you're saying that he gets that from me.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

All right. Next, I will stop turning every conversation into a TED talk that no one asks for.

SPEAKER_04 2:15

That's called man's planning. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yes. Number four. I will finish a thought before starting a new one.

SPEAKER_04 2:20

No, you won't.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Or at least I'll acknowledge that I've emotionally abandoned the first one.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Yes, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Next one. I will not refer to my phone as a surveillance device while actively scrolling Instagram. I gotta pick a lane. So I promise to do it.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

I mean, just you you are the king of the scrolling. Like you know it's compulsive, right? Yeah, no, I mean it is it annoys the absolute mess out of me.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Okay, well, see, there you go. I'm I'm gonna address that.

SPEAKER_04 2:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

I will stop assuming the worst possible intention behind neutral statements. No. We are out of milk is not an attack. It's just dairy information. I will let things be fun without immediately interrogating them for meaning.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

Do you do this?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Yeah, yeah. Well, I I have problems sometimes having a good time.

SPEAKER_04 3:06

No, this I know.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

But do you interrogate it for meaning, or you just don't want the rest of us to have fun?

SPEAKER_01 3:12

God, give me a freaking benefit of the doubt here. I want everyone to be happy around me.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

There's evidence to the contrary, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

How's that perimenopause going? I like it. It's fun. I like it. It's happening right now to me on me during this podcast. Um, I will stop declaring that I'm done with something forever and then return to it two days later.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Okay, yes, you do that.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

This includes um social media, carbs, and strong opinions.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

And then lastly, um, I will remember that marriage is not a debate to be won, but a thing to be protected.

SPEAKER_04 3:46

Happy wife, happy life.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Happy wife, happy life. So those are my newest resolutions. So, what do you think of those? You're gonna help me keep those?

SPEAKER_04 3:54

Yeah, I'm gonna remind you that you want me to be happy and that you're not gonna look for deeper meaning and or consider it something to be won, uh, whatever the last thing you said was.

Work Reset And Brain Fog

SPEAKER_01 4:04

I'm so glad that you are No, I stopped listening. Yeah, you did stop listening, damn it. That's true. That should be now you're like scanning the room, you're doing everything but making objects. What is up with is this a uh PM probably a PM thing manifestation of the the grumpy Irish lady that we call Perimenopause? Probably. How's your week been?

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Well, it's Monday, but considering that Winthrop doesn't go back to school until tomorrow, it feels like it's been seven days. So I'll go ahead and tell you that my week has been fine. But Winthrop and I are in this weird space where he has started coding, but he needs my computer to do it. So we have some sort of like a timeshare on my laptop. And I I work for four hours and then he gets 30 minutes, and then I work some more and he gets some time, and uh we've done okay today. He only had one little bitty fit when I had to meet with my manager, and he rolled his eyes real hard, but uh but we got through it, so it it's been okay. But I am ready for him to go to school. I am ready to be back in my office. I've only been gone for two weeks, but it feels like an interminable amount of time. How was your first day back at work?

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Very, very busy. Um, I need to I I've forgotten how to work there in the in the short amount of time that I was off.

SPEAKER_04 5:31

Because you weren't even off the same amount of time that I was, like you worked last week.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Well, I took the um Christmas was on a Thursday, so I took that Thursday and Friday through that Monday off. And then I worked that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, but then I had again uh New Year's was on Thursday, so I just took that stretch of time off. So yes, I did go back, but it just in general, I was out of the habit of being in the office, and that that took some adjusting that I don't know that I wanted to do, but I certainly did it.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

I was able to stay kind of in my bubble today because I only had one meeting. It was an internal meeting, but I definitely feel like it's all gonna hit tomorrow when all the meetings start happening and all the people who were gonna circle back start circling back.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

That's right, and networking.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

I need them to not, I need them to just keep moving forward. They don't need to circle back to me, but it's definitely one of those things where you know you figured out something in that last week before break that needed to be dealt with, but you just didn't tell anybody, and now you got to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Uh that sounds like that is exactly what happened to you. That there was a looming thing that you tried to to get your mind off, and now it's gonna hit you.

SPEAKER_04 6:39

I and I'm I well, no, there's many things. Like I have many deadlines that all are hitting in the middle of January, and I'm afraid that I'm gonna forget them. And so I was in a meeting today. It was it wasn't like the scheduled meeting, but I was in a little like just hey, can we jump on a call and talk about this today? And all of a sudden, the chat bot who we won't say her name because she'll perk up over there, but she just she started talking to me, and I just started yelling back at her to tell her to stop. And the person that I was on the call with found it very, very funny. But she was just reminding me of the thing that I remembered at 10 o'clock last night and told her to remind me to do. So I'm afraid I'm gonna forget all the things I'm supposed to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

I heard about this thing, I forget what it's called, and I don't know if I've talked about in the podcast before, but it's a helpful thing. As soon as you wake up, you do a brain dump of do you just write whatever's on your mind? Have you heard of this?

SPEAKER_04 7:31

I not this, I know what you're talking about. I don't know what's called.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Yeah. Theoretically, you're supposed to just spring up, grab a pen, and start to write. Now, my problem is I'll wake up at three and my mind's already running, and I'm sure as hell not gonna wander over to the desk, which is, in fairness, right by the bed, and start doing a brain dump. I don't know if this would work for me, but it's an interesting concept of just as soon as you wake up, all those things that are hitting you, you write them down, and maybe that will do something to alleviate the terror that you feel that oh my God, I hope I don't forget this in two hours.

Sleep, Anxiety, And Brain Dumps

SPEAKER_04 8:05

Yeah, and then I have perimenopause on top of that, which makes you forget all the things. Yes. So I wake up and I'm I'm worried about it. You're also supposed to, if you wake up and you can't get back to sleep, you're supposed to get out of bed and change your location and go do something else and then go back to bed. And I don't do that. I just lay there and and bemoan the fact that I can't get back to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

You're supposed to wake fully up and go into the other room and chop some onions and and and mobile.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

Or write all your things down, or I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Uh I would not do that. That's what you're doing. The most I ever do is I will get up and I'll go to the bathroom. I mean, that's a thing.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

That's a thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

That doesn't count? Okay, well, all right. We will see. Hopefully, we will just kind of roll back into the uh the schedule and and not um remain in this perpetual state of what is it when you're state and you're in a state of in-betweenness. What is that called?

SPEAKER_04 8:59

Oh, right. What is that called?

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Oh, this is compelling. Never mind, doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

What is that called? I wanted to find something because I I sent this to our our good friend Lakendra, and I but I found I saw this the other day on um socials, and it it is um oh lord, it's sing do you hear this?

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Yeah, but we don't have rights for that music turn off.

SPEAKER_04 9:20

I know, I don't but I didn't mean for it to be there. I'm trying to turn the sound off. But it's the it's Victorian-inspired phrases for dealing with men, but I've decided that they work really well for meetings.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

All right, go ahead. Okay, ready? Yep.

SPEAKER_04 9:33

Okay. Uh it says, when he's chatting shit, you say you appear most committed to the sound of your own voice.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:42

I fail to perceive the substance of the just this discourse. I'm gonna say that when I'm confused in meetings. Okay.

Victorian Phrases For Meetings

SPEAKER_01 9:49

I feel like this these would not go over well. In I fail to see the whatever, whatever. No, I don't think that that would be a good the substance of this discourse.

SPEAKER_04 9:57

Okay. When he's being defensive, you say your fragility is mo your fragility. Am I saying that right? Fragility, fragility, frigidity. It sounds weird. Your fragility is most revealing, or I see you have mistaken discomfort for injustice. I'm gonna start saying that one to one through. That's a good one. Oh my god, I need that t-shirt. I'm gonna say that to one throat. I see you have mistaken discomfort for injustice. Okay. When he won't apologize, accountability appears beyond your current capacity. I could say that a lot of times in meetings, or this conversation has reached its natural demise.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Like that one.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

When you're done with his shit, I take my leave of this foolishness. I'm gonna say that. That's gonna be my like my Zoom like caption. And then you may continue alone. I'm also gonna say that one to Winthrop. I didn't think about it, but these are good for Winthrop.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Oh my god. Uh, I think that they are also good for email signatures.

SPEAKER_04 10:51

Yes, you may continue alone, Amanda. Okay, and then here's a bonus slide for when you choose grace over mercy. Kindly direct your attentions toward a lady more tolerant of disappointment.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 11:04

I shall not be lowering my standards to accommodate your shortcomings. Your confidence far exceeds your demonstrated performance. That's a good one for work. I fear you have vastly overestimated your contributions.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

All of these would look great on a t-shirt. And we actually learned another phrase that I want to put on a t-shirt. Yeah. This is apparently a phrase that's been around for a while. I had just never heard it. But it is to be cringy is to be free.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

And I freaking love that concept. I was trying to come up with like my twist on it, like different ways to say it, because like I said, that's out there. And so, how about embarrassment is just confetti for the soul.

unknown 11:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

I like that one. I like that one. It's okay to be embarrassed. In fact, I I welcome it, and that's the kind of natural discomfort that I think makes uh makes a person better.

Cringe, Confidence, And T‑Shirts

SPEAKER_04 12:00

You do. Your family does not, though. What I you embarrass us all. You used to when the children were little, you would wander around like theme parks with your shirt pulled up under your nipples so that your stomach was sticking out, and you'd like scratch your stomach. Yeah. This is what you would do to these children. That's funny. It's not, it's not funny. Okay, so here are the last two. I should hate to deprive another woman of your limitations. And then you have a last failed to impress in any meaningful regard. So uh any of those, take them for your signature buy-line or your signature line, put them on t-shirts. If you want one, let us know. Josh will design it for you.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yes, I'll do it. Or embarrassment is confetti for your embarrassment is just confetti for your soul, which is you know, TM me. Another thing that I did this week was I attended the second um poetry reading at the at the bowl. You did not join me there because you were embarrassed and you did not want that much confetti, but it was.

SPEAKER_04 13:01

That is not true. I have been dealing with vertigo for three days, and I didn't want to fall off the barstool while you were reading your poetry.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Yeah, but it would have been the perfect place to do that.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

At the bar, yes. They say that spoken word poetry as an art form is dead.

SPEAKER_04 13:16

It's on a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

That it's cringy, that that people aren't interested in it. And I am here to tell you that for at least for that small group of people, it was a pretty amazing night. That's great. And it was very enjoyable. There's one gentleman who got up and he spoke about well, first he read a children's book that he had written with his daughter.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

About what?

SPEAKER_01 13:35

About farting.

SPEAKER_04 13:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

And then he talked about like his struggle and how he now has sobriety. It was a very, very meaningful thing. And the thing about poetry is that it's oftentimes an economy of words. It seeks to to render into structured verse these massive feelings and thoughts that that come from the inside, and it's just really interesting to see people's heart as they are as they are are speaking their poetry. And so I absolutely loved it. And poetry is not or or spoken word poetry is not a dying art. This is what I would say.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

Well, I know you you really enjoyed it. You wound up MCing the event, and um you really enjoyed it, and I'm I'm sorry that I missed it.

Poetry Night And Community

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Yeah, I I wandered in and I found out that the person throwing the thing, she had the flu, and so my friend Jacob, who owns the bar, was gonna run the event. But you can't really run the event and run the the bar as well. So at some point I just went up to him and said, just let me, I was here for the last one, let me MC it. And I really, really enjoyed doing that. It reminded me how much I like doing events, like doing events in the community because we used to me and Jacob used to do that all of the time. Um, so I I want to do that a little bit more. That's one of my for real and for true New Year's resolutions is for us to be able to do something like that. I still want to do a live podcast out at the bar, but you're you're not into that idea.

SPEAKER_04 15:07

I'm not, but if if somebody else wants to come on and do that with you, then I will support them doing it. I will sit on the barstool and try not to fall off of it. I mean, we've had some guest people, right? So, like, does a belsum want to fly over?

SPEAKER_01 15:20

No, I don't think so. Um, you really wouldn't do why why do you not want to do a live podcast?

SPEAKER_04 15:26

No, like it's just it's it's so weird because I am not the introvert, but it's really intimidating to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Is it really? Yeah, but you've taught in front of hundreds of people. I know.

SPEAKER_04 15:36

I don't know. I don't, I get it, doesn't make sense. Yeah, I can't make it make sense. I'm not saying no, I'm just saying not right now.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Okay, well, good.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

Saying maybe next week, then when Winthrop goes, maybe means you're not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Yeah, that's right. Write in if you would like Amanda to to co-host uh a live podcast with me.

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Write in if you want to come do it instead of me.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Familiarwilsons at gmail.com and then that music, of course, tells us that it's time for the news. Amanda, are you ready for the news? We haven't done the news in a while.

SPEAKER_04 16:25

We have not. Yeah, go ahead. All right, here we go. What's going on in the world?

SPEAKER_01 16:29

First article. Man ate 1,000 sardines in a month, lost six pounds, and smelled like a fish market.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

Nope, it's not good. Why? Why okay, no? That return on investment is not worth it. Six pounds for a thousand sardines, it's not worth it.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

No.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

No, that's bad.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

It was he's a researcher, right? He dove in full dolphin, as he put it, eating one thousand of the tinned fish for 30 days. No, okay, he's a Harvard and Oxford-trained metabolic health researcher and educator based in Boston. And he set out to test whether an extreme sardine-only diet could mimic fasting and provide benefits such as fat loss and longevity without sacrificing muscle.

SPEAKER_04 17:12

Ugh.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Sardines only, I mean it says sardines, skin, bone, and all.

SPEAKER_04 17:18

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

They are nature's protein bar and multivitamin in one, the gentleman said.

SPEAKER_04 17:23

Nope. Thank you.

Live Show Dreams And Stage Nerves

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Um, so he compared this fish to a metabolic Swiss Army knife. So for a month in October, he ate roughly three tins of sardines a day. Nope. About three to five fish per tin. And he tracked his weight, his ketones, his omega-3 levels, and workout performance, right? So again, the idea is he wanted to see if this could could deliver the benefits of fasting without the drawbacks. And uh, so it's I'd rather fast. Thank you. This article says he started with just sardines and then he added olive oil and uh MCT oil, which is a fast-burning fat made from coconut oil or palm oil. Okay. So he did that to address initial feelings of low energy. So he did supplement it, and then it also says that he added salt for electrolytes later.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

So he Okay, so the sardines are already super salted, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Well, apparently he did not get enough salt. It says that he felt unusually light and strong. He had boundless stamina, breezing through workout. We're getting there. Uh, practicing inversions on monkey bars and climbing the 37 flights of stairs to his apartment.

SPEAKER_04 18:29

So 37 flights of stairs to his apartment?

SPEAKER_01 18:33

By the final week.

SPEAKER_04 18:34

Where does he live?

SPEAKER_01 18:35

He lives on on a, you know, like it could be on a 40-floor apartment. That's the thing that happens. Boston. He lives in Boston. It says by the final week, he lost six pounds and reached what he called dolphin-like omega-3 levels.

SPEAKER_04 18:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

His blood test uh results showed omega-3 reading so high that they broke the scale, he was saying my blood looked more dolphin than human. No, it's saying that all these benefits that he had that led to weight loss and sharper focus. So, like, I'm loving everything that I'm hearing so far. The main downside, he said, is that he began to smell like a fish market. Nope. Despite showering, brushing his teeth, and spritzing cologne. In just a few days, his girlfriend told him, You smell like you're sweating fish. The true researcher that he is, he tracked kiss frequency from her before and after sardine meals. So guess what the frequency went to?

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Sure. Zero.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

Zero. Um, so he said it might be worth experimenting for, um, but you know, not very great for his relationship. You know, they say though, too, that that garlic's very good for you. Yeah, but very good for you.

SPEAKER_04 19:48

But it it comes from your it like you breathe out of your pores. Yeah, yeah.

News: The Sardine-Only Diet

SPEAKER_01 19:52

You end up smelling a lot of garlic, like from from your sweat. So I don't know that that's worth it. Yeah. Maybe it would be worth it though, like to do something. Something like this for a body reset? Like, would you be down for that if I decided for a month to do all garlic, all sardines all the time?

SPEAKER_04 20:09

If you slept in a different room.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

I mean, I might have to.

SPEAKER_04 20:12

You would on a different floor.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Just wrap me in newspaper.

SPEAKER_04 20:16

There you go. Excellent. No, good. So here's the thing. I don't like seafood, right? I don't eat fish. I don't eat shellfish. Whatever. But there is a restaurant in town, um, Germain's like hot chicken or whatever, that um a good friend of mine and I go to frequently, and they do a Brussels Caesar salad. So it's like a Caesar salad, but with Brussels sprouts, right? And we get the grilled chicken on it. So good. It comes with all these, like it comes with Parmesan and a lemon wedge, and all these really crispy things on top of it, which I really, really love. Well, about a year into eating it, I found out that the crispy things on top were just dry flaked sardines.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Oh man. So did you give it up?

SPEAKER_04 20:57

I still eat it. I just had it on Saturday. That's excellent. But I have to tell myself it's something different. Right. Like it trip, it like freaks me out. I can't think about it. But like that's one meal a month. Like I can't imagine that, like every meal.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

How did you get past the fact that when you learn that that Caesar salad dressing has sardines in it?

SPEAKER_04 21:15

No, I've always known Caesar salad dressing has sardines in it. I just don't like it if it's like a fishy tasting Caesar. So I will always ask, it's like a fishy tasting. Um, but did I ever tell you that the time when I was teaching preschool? And you know, you always you gotta open the stuff for the kids.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Right.

SPEAKER_04 21:31

Capri suns don't open well on their own. No kids will come with applesauces and whatever. Well, I was opening a can of tuna for a kid in my class because apparently the the parents just put a can of tuna in the lunchbox, I guess. No, tuna packed in water. Well, when I opened it, it splashed on me. So then I had the tuna water on my clothes. Like I was and I guess I was wearing like a shirt, like a t-shirt for the school or whatever. Well, I forgot about that, it dried. Then I went to the gym.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:02

And I started sweating.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 22:05

And then it got really bad. So I can't even imagine like this guy's life or his girlfriend's life.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah, no. Well, I'm sure the girlfriend moved out for for a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 22:19

Yeah, she went down those 37 flights of stairs. She probably took the elevator.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Here's the thing I don't understand. I feel like you can do something else and lose six pounds in a month.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

I'm pretty sure you could lose like three pounds a week just by like fasting. Yeah. Like the benefits of fasting without ever having like having to fast. I'm okay not eating like two meals of sardines. I'm all right. I can fast. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

That feels like that that would be a threat to encourage fasting more. You better fast or else you're gonna go on the three cans of sardines a day diet.

SPEAKER_04 22:51

So it's not good.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Oh goodness. Amanda, we have letters.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

Letters.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

We have two letters, so let's get right to them. Firstly, we have Refined Gay Thoughts from Refined Gay Jeff.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

It's been a refined little bit.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

It has been a little bit. He says that he looked at his scent calendar on his Google Mail and discovered with surprise that my last refined gay thoughts sent to you was at Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_04 23:20

Jeff. Thank you for banging up, Portney.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

It got so busy, though, for all of us. You know, it was all that we could do just to fit our podcasting in, much less anything else. He tells us about the the time that he spent traveling to South Carolina.

SPEAKER_04 23:33

I was gonna say he took his pups on a 17-hour road trip, like one way or something.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Yeah, no. Well, he had to because he can't take those two pups on the airplane. So he he says that he will switch to flying privately after his bank account finds an appropriate sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

But he did detest driving all the way um to South Carolina and then all the way back to Texas. He did enjoy his time with his family, though.

SPEAKER_04 24:00

Did the do the dogs do okay? Like, did Hazel and Johnny do all right?

SPEAKER_01 24:05

They did fine.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

Um because Wilson does not do fine.

Food Stories, Smells, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 24:08

No, Wilson, it's all that we can do to get him to sit there and let us podcast. God damn it. Um, he says this week after Christmas has been very relaxing. He's enjoying going out to lunch each day and the possibility of having midday cocktails in the gaberhood.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

He says, going back a couple of episodes, Josh, where you are explaining your new two-foot-tall speaker to Kate and Tony, and you very quickly quipped about the lion doesn't sleep at night. That was not lost on me, he says, my friend, because I immediately started on a wee m a weem. Yeah, no one else got that. You didn't I got it. Well, you didn't get it.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

I just didn't think it was that interesting, but I got it. Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

Um, he says, Josh, have I dreamed that you have shared random facts before? Um, yes, I have shared random facts. Random facts about you. About, yeah, we've done that before. He says, I've shared several of mine over a period of a few weeks, having been to 49 states, being blessed by Pope John Paul II at the Vatican, having meningitis when I was one year old. Now to think of something else to share. Okay, how about this? I write exclusively with fountain pens and have collected them for 40 years. I think I knew that. That fact seems to cause a sense of wonder in people and students when they see me writing anything.

SPEAKER_04 25:22

Do you have like an ink pot? Like what, or do you have like little cartridges?

SPEAKER_01 25:25

I think so. I think so. I actually I think that I'm gonna go even more old school and I'm gonna try to write with a quill. A quill. Okay. That's right. So any random feathers that you see, please pick them up.

SPEAKER_04 25:34

We got tons of crows out here in this neighborhood.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

We do, and you know what I say? Always be friends with the crows.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

It's a don't take their feathers, what you're saying to me.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Well, not often.

SPEAKER_04 25:43

If they drop it, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Yeah. Um, we did talk about our favorite holiday songs. Jeff gives us his. He says mine are not ranked, but here they are. Um, Carol of the Bells, same Silent Night. Okay, particularly the Mannheim Steinroller version. Yes. Low, how a rose air blooming. Don't know that one at all. Do you hear what I hear?

SPEAKER_04 26:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

There's a song in the air. Don't know that one. This is an old carol that is not sung much anymore. I love it so much, he said. Still, still, still. Don't know that one. No. What child is this? I like that one. O'come o'come emmanual.

SPEAKER_04 26:20

Okay, I like that.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Christmas Time is Here from Vince Garaldi at Charlie Brown's. Oh, that's a good one. That is so that whole album for me. Like I could just that that's one uh collection of Christmas songs I will never get sick of. Yes. The Christmas song, Chestnuts Rosina. Oh, yes, we can't do that anymore in this house, Jeff. And then, of course, have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

SPEAKER_04 26:39

I like it.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

Um, he says, Josh, your cryptid photo of the manatee man with legs was terrifying. It is, however, just several Big Macs and a set of chains away from Princess Leia and a bikini riding on his shoulders.

SPEAKER_04 26:54

It does kind of look like Jabba.

Letters From Jeff And Kate

SPEAKER_01 26:57

He says he's uh included a link of South Carolina's own cryptid from back in the 80s, the Lizard Man. So let's look at the lizard. Uh well. The lizard man, it looks like you know cheesy 80s uh science fiction.

SPEAKER_04 27:13

He's got really good muscles in his squats.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Yeah, all right. He says, from listening to your quiz about who does what or who controls what, I have many thanks in my heart that I am control of every decision I have to make about my comfort and wants. Is that selfish? I would say not.

SPEAKER_04 27:27

I mean, I think you just enjoy that, Jeff.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

He said that's also a big incentive for not moving in with my future ex-husband. We each keep our own place and continue to thrive.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

He does have a question for a Monique in Germany.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

He says, When you say you have an MLB subscription, does that mean the same thing in Germany that it does here in the States with the same teams? Are there different major leagues in Germany? Do you have a favorite team? Monique, those questions are for you. I would assume, Jeff, that it MLB just means major league baseball here in the States. And then he signs off. He wants us to have a fantastic 2026.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

You too, Jeff. Loving cookies.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Um, so that's nice. We also have an email from Kate.

SPEAKER_04 28:13

Oh, neighbor Kate.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Kate says, Dear Wilson, please accept my thoughts and our responses to the couple's questions. So, again, in our last episode, we asked each other different couples questions about who do we think does what in the relationship.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

So, have Kate and Tony played along.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Uh, it looks like it. So, she says, Pots and pans are a great Christmas gift. Love them. I'm I love them. So far, superior to jewelry or similar.

SPEAKER_04 28:38

I made her look at them. She came in the house. We went up to check on when did that happen? Wait, when we were out in the green space and Winthrop and their older child were upstairs and the dog was barking. Yeah. And then I just got a text from Muffy that says, Please help. Yeah. So we Kate and I came in inside to get the two kids. And well, we I made her stop and look at my pots and pans before we went upstairs. What did she have to do? She loved them. They were beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Oh, they're very nice. I feel like you would podcast live with the pots and pans.

SPEAKER_04 29:04

I wonder if they'd talk well with me.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah, I think that you would you would make it happen.

SPEAKER_04 29:08

I will.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Let's get to her couple's questions answers. She says, Tony, her husband, controls the thermostat and likes to keep it at 68 to 75 degrees.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

No, that's a very broad range.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

I'm saying 68, by the way. I mean, I like it cold, but that is 70 is as low as we go. Yeah, no, I don't want to wake up with um with the windows fogged over from the inside. And then also he does the driving, it says. Kate uh controls the remote. She says, we either watch House Hunters International or a movie I've chosen because I have great taste. Kate does the grocery shopping, controls the music in the car. No skips needed, again, because great taste. Uh, Kate is most likely to lose phone, keys, and wallet. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

You and Kate would not be able to go anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

No, we would be stuck. Takes longer to get ready, like Amanda. I have more hair, and I have to change my clothes repeatedly because everything feels looks wrong. Because where did this body come from? Same Kate. Why is it so lumpy? Is it because I had four kids? I don't want to hear it. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 30:11

And also, we had kids in our 40s.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Yes. And she says both of them take care of the bugs and spiders. Whoever sees it deals with it. Yeah. With me, it'd be like, I don't see that.

SPEAKER_04 30:20

That's right. You wouldn't see it.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Neither of us is an early bird or a night owl. I believe there's a relevant meme about being permanently exhausted pigeons. Finally, Tony sleeps with a nightstand to his left. I sleep with it to my right. Non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_04 30:37

All right, so that's the opposite of us.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

It has been this way in all marriages and will never change.

SPEAKER_04 30:42

In all marriages. So Tony's, so, so to clarify, you Tony and Kate were each married before. Now they are married and happy. Um, so you're saying that you brought that into this marriage with you.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Are there any things that you still do from the other marriage? Like anyone. I'm trying to okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_04 31:00

Yeah, I still sleep on the same side of the bed as my first marriage, but you and I have flipped back and forth, so that doesn't really count, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01 31:06

It doesn't count, not at all.

SPEAKER_04 31:07

Dude, it's been so long. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Good. Let's keep it that way. Final thoughts, she says, you guys are the best neighbors. We are way into the group chat. And the Wilsons are the Flintstones, and we're the Rubbles. You're welcome to write us into the scene anytime. She said, I almost forgot mugs. There can only be one mug and a backup mug that makes you sad when you have to use it. That is all.

SPEAKER_04 31:28

Oh, but then that's sad for the backup mug. It's not the backup mug's fault. It did not ask to be the backup mug. I I'm coming over to take your backup mug. I feel sad for it.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Well, I mean, it's just like everyone has a backup child. You have the favorite child, and then you have the backup child.

SPEAKER_04 31:44

Well, you have which one is your favorite? Which one is your backup?

SPEAKER_01 31:46

No, no, we're not doing that. I have come up with a thing that I think I want to do now, and that is have my dish, my bowl, my cup, my mug, and have those be mine.

SPEAKER_04 32:01

Well, you have your dish in your mug.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

I have a a very cool dish that's like handmade.

SPEAKER_04 32:07

Muffies, but you took it from her.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Well, no, she gave it to me. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

I don't think there was any giving. You just said I want this.

Mugs, Memory, And Favorite Dishes

SPEAKER_01 32:13

I'm not gonna start the the brew haha here. Anyway, so that is the plate that I prefer to use. I have this set of dishes that I bought that I always prefer to eat from those dishes. I have my mug.

SPEAKER_04 32:25

What dishes?

SPEAKER_01 32:26

The the dishes from Publix with all the colors.

SPEAKER_04 32:28

Okay, the bowls. Those are bowls.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Oh, did I say dishes? I meant bowls. My bad. And then so all I need now is like a cup or a glass that is just my cup or glass.

SPEAKER_04 32:36

Yeah, but we went to the we went to the reuse store this weekend and you couldn't find one.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

I know, because I couldn't find one that was special enough. You know, it's so funny. Tell me if you have this experience. When I grew up, I had this one plastic cup that I always used.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Um, it was yellow. It was like a beer stein type of thing, you know, with the handle and everything. And I I can still imagine that today. And like for years, that was just my cup. Dad, where's my cup?

SPEAKER_04 33:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

You know, that sort of thing. Did you have something like that?

SPEAKER_04 33:03

So we had two sets of plastic, like tumblers. Yeah that clearly my mom got when she went to like a Tuppware party or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:11

One set they were ivory with red strawberries on them. One set they were white with the Dallas Cowboy helmet on them.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Okay. Very good.

SPEAKER_04 33:19

Because my brother was a Dallas Cowboys fan. So I always used the strawberry ones. Where did these things go? Yeah. Where did they use?

SPEAKER_01 33:26

I wish I still had my yellow mug.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

Where'd it go?

SPEAKER_01 33:29

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 33:30

What was on the mug?

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Uh it was I don't remember what it's from, but it had it was a yellow mug and in brown print it was like a gorilla. I don't ask me what where we got it or what it said or anything. I just remember that there was a cartoon gorilla on it.

SPEAKER_04 33:43

Hmm. I bet I could find that for you.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

No, that's all right. I don't want that one anymore. You don't want that one anymore. No, I want, but I do want to find my cup that will just be my cup, and woe betide the person that uses my stuff, by the way.

SPEAKER_04 33:55

Woe betide.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

You heard me.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

All right, I have a question. Talking about reusing stuff, right? So we've been going to the thrifting stores and we're all about trying to be sustainable. Would you buy used unmentionables? Would you wear other people's underwear or lingeries or bras or whatever?

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Uh well, I would assume that if they're selling that. Well, first thought they don't sell underwear at thrift stores, do they? Isn't that a thing? They do bras. Oh. Yeah, I wouldn't wear anyone else's bra. Would I wear anyone else's crotch coverings? No, probably not. But there's no reason for me not to, by the way. If they're properly washed, it's nonsense.

SPEAKER_04 34:34

But it's like something you can't get past, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:36

Well, I mean, it I guess it depends. Uh are there skid marks?

SPEAKER_04 34:40

I mean, I I don't I don't know how well they were washed.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Yeah. Well, I mean, you'd be able to see if there's skid marks.

SPEAKER_04 34:46

Right, but I'm saying I these are these are hypothetical underwear, so I don't know. I haven't decided.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Well, necessity is the mother of invention. If you needed to have underwear, have you ever borrowed anyone else's underwear, by the way? No. Growing up, like you're at a sleepover, you've forgotten your underwear.

SPEAKER_04 35:02

No, I mean, but we've but uh no, but we've like I've borrowed a bathing suit, which I guess is kind of similar.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

It's the exact same thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 35:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Except I I guess with a bathing suit, you're you're in liquid more, so it's almost constantly getting washed, right?

SPEAKER_04 35:14

You're in liquid more. It's a really funny statement.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

Hey, by the way, I have a question for you. Sure. You texted me something today just out of nowhere. What does this mean? Do you find eating sushi off someone sexy? Where the absolute fuck did that come from?

SPEAKER_04 35:32

Well, I mean, I wasn't offering, but I was listening, I was listening to it.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

I thought you were offering. I thought you were offering.

SPEAKER_04 35:37

No, I don't, I don't, I don't like sushi. I mean, not that I would be eating it, but we've already established that I don't want to smell like tuna and or sardines. So no, we're fine.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

I'm not saying.

SPEAKER_04 35:46

No, I was listening to an audiobook and he was eating sushi off her naked body with chopsticks. And I mean, where does the soy sauce go? Do you put it in your belly button? I don't know, I'm really confused.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

I'm sorry, what book were you reading?

SPEAKER_04 35:58

Uh some like hockey romance book. Did you know that like Fifty Shades of Anchovia? I mean, it's definitely smut. Did you know that like hockey is like a thing that women are really into? Because I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Well, you're a woman though, so you're not really into it, so it's not a thing.

Thrifting And The Underwear Debate

SPEAKER_04 36:13

No, but like in the romance genre, like hockey players are more written about and like lusted after than like football, soccer, or baseball players. I got nothing for you on the hockey players, I've I mean they have no teeth.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

Yeah, but they have big sticks.

SPEAKER_04 36:31

Okay, well there you go. But yeah, no, he was eating sushi off of her. But then this is the thing, because then they were talking about it.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

How the absolute hell do you write sexy about eating sushi off of someone?

SPEAKER_04 36:43

I well, to be fair, they didn't actually have sex in this scene. He was just like, Well, I should hope that there was some bathing first. Well, no, she went to go get a shot. He was just eating sushi off her. It's like he plucked it off my nipple, was the only like like remotely like sexy thing that had that is not sexy though. Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Oh my god, I can't believe you even said that on my podcast.

SPEAKER_04 37:03

But but people like but there are sushi models where they bikinis and they lay down and then the men eat the sushi off of them with the chopsticks, and then they dip, like they put the belly the soy sauce in the belly button, and that's where you dip it. Where does the where does the wasabi go?

SPEAKER_01 37:17

On the nipple. Wasabi on the nipple. There we go. Um is that sexy to you? No, not at all.

SPEAKER_04 37:23

What would be sexy? Oh, you know, like the whipped cream bikinis. Is that sexy?

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Uh, would you like to try it?

SPEAKER_04 37:29

I mean, I it's just okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Wait here. This is not a visual medium, but let me go get the cool whip and we're gonna.

SPEAKER_04 37:37

I used the rest of it yesterday on Winter's pancakes. You're all done.

Romance Tropes And Sushi Questions

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Okay, very good. Oddly enough, Amanda, that's all there is. There is no more. You know, there were so many other things that I wrote down I wanted to get to that we didn't get to. There was a news story about the thing in Japanese culture where you can disappear in the night, and companies will help you do that. We'll talk about that next week.

SPEAKER_04 38:15

Also, oh God, I thought you meant like a magic trick. You mean like if you want to like erase your identity?

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Well, you don't erase your identity, but they'll come and get you in the night and get you the fuck out of there. I also had some musings about random text friends that we can talk about next week as well. Okay, but I have questions.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Wait, I need you are these ninjas?

SPEAKER_01 38:35

No, they're not ninjas.

SPEAKER_04 38:37

They come and get you in the middle of the night. They're stealth and they're from Japan. These are ninjas.

SPEAKER_01 38:41

Yeah, but they don't surprise you. You employ them, they don't sneak up on you.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

How terrifying would that be if you didn't know they were coming?

SPEAKER_01 38:47

Yeah, what would the point of that be? Um, so anyway, we'd like to thank the following people who without whom we would not be able to have this podcasting journey. Thanks to our friends Josh Scar, Antonio, Daniel J. Buckets, Chick and Tom, Matt, Monique from Germany, Leo, Joey, Joey, Refine Gay Jeff, Ryan Baker, Mark and Rachel, and Dan and Gavin. Thank you all for all that you do for us. And hopefully you're out there like evangelizing the way of Wilson so that we can get more folks listening to us week in and week out.

SPEAKER_04 39:24

Don't eat the sardines. Or eat the sardines, just don't come live in my house.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Everything in moderation. That's what I have to say.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

All right, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 39:33

All right, folks, until next week, y'all take it easy. And I hope that 2026 has been pretty gentle with you so far.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

All right, go be kind. Bye. Bye.