028 - Tucker Stine - Brand & Marketing Expert, Founder of Tucker Stine+Brand Architects, helping leaders turn their personal brands into purpose driven businesses

How do you find the fulfilled life? Tucker Stine shares his inspiring story of a complete reset at the age of 40. Redefining his definition of success, finding his purpose driven life and creating a new future for himself and his family. 

Tucker Stine is brand and marketing expert helping inspired entrepreneurs and leaders turn their personal brands into purpose driven businesses. After 25 years of brand communications and marketing strategy, he has learned that his own story, his own comeback, is the greatest giveback he can share with the world. Tucker has learned the universal secret, that the more we give, the more we can receive. His formula for authentic expansion and community building has empowered countless leaders to reinvent their model for success, and even more importantly, their clarity of purpose. His clients have been featured on TED, Goalcast, Upworthy, The Today Show, the Sundance Film Festival and hundreds of podcasts, resulting in over 100 million views combined. He helps his clients share a courageous, vulnerable voice and own a powerful seat at the global table of conversation.

TUCKER STINE 

CEO/Founder @ TUCKER STINE + Brand Architects

619-988-5825

www.tuckerstine.com

@tuckerstine

tuckersstine@gmail.com

Transcript

Tucker Stine – Brand and Marketing Expert, Founder of Tucker Stine+Brand Architects, helping leaders turn their personal brands into purpose driven businesses

[00:00:00] [00:00:00] Jolie Downs: [00:00:00] Today we are talking with Tucker Stein. Tucker helps inspired entrepreneurs and leaders turn their personal brands into purpose driven businesses. After 25 years of brand communications and marketing strategy, he has learned that his own story, his own comeback is the greatest give back that he can share with the world.

[00:00:27] Tucker has learned the universal secret, that the more we give, the more we can receive. His formula for authentic expansion and community building has empowered countless leaders to reinvent their model for success and even more importantly, their clarity of purpose. His clients have been featured in Ted, Goalcast, Upworthy, The Today Show, the Sundance Film Festival and hundreds of podcasts resulting in over a hundred million views combined. He helps his clients share their courageous, vulnerable voice and own that powerful seat at the global table of conversation. Tucker. I am excited to learn more about your story. Can you tell us a little bit about your path to this point?

[00:01:18] Tucker Stine: [00:01:18] Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, let me give you a quick snapshot into my life, my career San Diego native for the most part spent most of my life in Southern California. And I traveled to the East coast for school spent about eight years in Boston. And I knew from a very young age that I love to design and create things, but I also had this other parent my father saying “Business school”. And by the time I got to college, I was like, okay, is there a way that I could marry both? And I found it and I found it in marketing. I found it in advertising and I spent a good chunk of my career over 20 years in the advertising space on the agency side of things.

[00:01:59]I also have a degree in consumer behavior because I loved the psychology of what marketing does to people and so forth. And right out of school, my first job, which I love talking about was I had an opportunity to work at an agency and sit down with Jim cook. Who's the founder of Samuel Adams beer.

[00:02:18] And at that time he was launching a whole new line of product and he was looking at Budweiser and Coors at the time and so forth and trying to figure out, okay, how am I supposed to compete with these? And I remember sitting down with him and saying this isn't one of those situations where if you can't beat them, join them. This is one of those situations, if you can't beat them, start your own new path and thus launched the craft brew movement, which was so fun for me to be a part of, but also realizing that you don't have to tackle the beast in order to become incredibly popular or to build a brand, you don't have to have this critical mass that, that, that tackles it doesn't have to be, a minimum. And from there, I just fell in love with branding and I continue to work on it for years and years. And about 10 years ago. So my mentor in the industry started TEDx San Diego, and he's you know what? I think you'd be a great part of a great addition. And I started getting involved in TEDx.

[00:03:13]And I know everyone's pretty much familiar with that platform. It was like, Oh my gosh, I can actually work with people and their passions and individuals that want to make a huge impact in this planet. And I discovered the power of personal brand. And for the longest time, I was in that sphere, that space of branding was always about things.

[00:03:35] It was about products, it was about services. It was about icons and the Apples and the Targets and the Starbucks of the world. And it wasn't until I started working with people that each and every day, we show up with different experiences and connections. And that for me, became this personal discovery around personal brand and from the, so for the last 10 plus years, I've been working with speakers and entrepreneurs and really working with individuals, looking to make a shift.

[00:04:02] 99.99% are over the age of 40 for that matter. They're either corporate burnouts. They just want to change in their life or they've been raising a family and they want to, get back into the workplace or they've had an itch for their passion for so many years, but have done absolutely nothing with it.

[00:04:17] And I've discovered, Oh my gosh, I can be that creative person that I love to do and be a part of the business world. And I've just had this incredible experience. Of building what I call brand architecture, personal brand architecture, and I call myself a personal brand architect. And so I still get to be that architect that I wanted to be just from a very different perspective.

[00:04:37] And I get to be creative, which is what I always loved to do. And

[00:04:40] Jolie Downs: So inspiring. Oh, I love that you're doing this. Marketing is incredibly powerful. It always blows my mind as a PR marketing recruiter, talking to people every day about their successes, the impact that it has on our world, it is just it is hard to  quantify really.

[00:05:00] Tucker Stine: Absolutely.

[00:05:02] Jolie Downs: So I love that you have taken it and applied it to people and really helping make people's dreams come true. I think it’s really inspiring.

[00:05:11] Tucker Stine: [00:05:11] And we'll get into this a little bit more, but it wasn't a straight and narrow path for me. It was very bumpy just a few years ago. And what you just said was very much the reason why I had stumbled on a few things, was after 25 years of being in the same business and doing the same thing over and over again, and realizing yes, Tucker, you can do it well.

[00:05:32] Yes, Tucker, this is what you went to school for, but Tucker ask yourself at the end of the day, are you fulfilled? I was empty and that, that was a whole other thing, when we talked originally, Jolie, about this concept, you're reinventing yourself at a much later age in life has been an incredibly powerful journey for me.

[00:05:52] And for me, especially as a male, I didn't think it was possible. I was like, okay, here I am. 40 plus years old washed up. And it was like, now I get to work with all these other individuals that felt exactly like me in the same place. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm not alone. And that's where the power, when I talk about that concept of, might come back as my greatest come back.

[00:06:12] That's where all of that stems from.

[00:06:15] Jolie Downs: Oh, so what happened? So many of us reach that point where we know, where we feel that, but not everybody makes a change. So what happened, what was that catalyst for you to make the change?

[00:06:27]Tucker Stine: Okay this is where it gets very raw, authentic, and vulnerable, and I've learned to embrace this. After I had turned 40, I had been at the same company for about 12 years. And I realized probably five to seven years into it. I had hit a ceiling. The owners didn't want to bring in any new partners.

[00:06:45]I was lacking motivation. The clients we were taking on were more of the same and I'd realized that the talents are what I felt, the gifts that I bring to the world were completely underutilized. And I remember coming home one day and thinking, Oh my gosh, this is it. I came from a family where both my father and my grandfather started at one company and pretty much stayed with the same company.

[00:07:07] Gosh for most of their career. My dad, I think, had about two, maybe three jobs. And my grandfather started off as a stock boy at JC penny. And at the end of his career was one of the pallbearers for JC penny when he passed

[00:07:21] Jolie Downs: Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow.

[00:07:24] Tucker Stine: He brought the first cash register to JC penny. So when you think about that in my mind, it's okay, you go to school, you learn, you graduate this degree, you're in this space. You know it you do it well. Okay. This is great. Everything's fine. All of a sudden, you've got four mouths to feed, a wife and two beautiful kids, a house, a mortgage, and you realize you hit this wall of, I can't do anything, more what's it going to take. What's going to take to get me to get the opportunity that I need to advance.

[00:07:53] And I did what a lot of men do at that age.  I buried it. And I ignored it and I stifled it. I didn't ask for help. I never raised my hand. I never went to anyone, never talked to my wife about it. And I just went into that, the typical unfeeling word of how are you? Oh, I'm fine.

[00:08:10] And as I learned fine is not a feeling word and it just got to a point where it's okay, I was resigned. And when I say resigned to myself that this was it, this is all that I was, I was going to make the most of it. And I was so unfulfilled that I started to grow this incredible anxiety.

[00:08:29]I felt this incredible sense of fear around financial security not being a provider for my family. Having to ask my wife to go back to work in order for us to make ends meet. And it just was this empty feeling. And I would go to work. Completely unmotivated. I would get out of there as soon as possible.

[00:08:47]And then I turned to isolation and I was like starting to become more isolated then I turned into more towards drinking as a social drinker for, the majority of my life. And by the time I had hit my 40th birthday that's the only thing that kept me sane and for about a three-year period, I had basically gone down the rabbit hole of I'm nothing. I don't have anything to give to the world. This is it. And what else am I going to do? And at one point I just had decided maybe this is it. Maybe this is all God had for me on this planet. And I remember taking some time off and I went to a hotel just to spend some time on my own.

[00:09:24] Ended up, basically drinking more, isolating more. And I remember getting a text and at some point I'll tell my son, he's only 16, 16 right now, but he was 11 at the time. And he said, daddy, when are you coming home? And I remember getting that text, I'm thinking, this is it. Something's got to change. And I quit my job. Took some time to, to basically reinvent myself. I took 30 days and just said, okay, Focus on getting your health back rewiring your brain surrounding yourself with the right people. And really getting to know myself again and maybe even for the first time.

[00:09:59] Jolie Downs:  Yes.

[00:09:59] Tucker Stine: It was at that point that I realized, okay, focus on your passions, focus on what you do. Stop limiting your own belief system and fricking take charge of your life and go after it. And finally, there was a voice and it took a lot of time for me to say, Okay. I love my forties. I can completely reinvent myself and it's better than it ever was before. So now the decade of my forties just felt like a complete new manifestation of, what I call my own great awakening.

[00:10:27] And that's what brings you and I here today is that fact that awakening happened. And my combat from that deep dark place of you're not good enough, that whole disease, that a lot of us have. To be able to help others realize that you can reinvent. And that's what I love to do. And I do it through storytelling and speaker development and branding and marketing and digital, all of those things that make up who we are as individuals and our personal brand development.

[00:10:55] I help people dive into that so that they don't become like where I was and they don't fall into that. They don't have to have a rock bottom or something tragic in their life for them to have to start over. And, that's so there's the real raw, vulnerable story behind that.

[00:11:13] Jolie Downs:  I love it. Thank you so much for sharing because it's so real. It's it is the story of humanity really. It is, it was just like listening to so many other people's story. We, it, it's one of those things that that we go through. We follow these rules. We follow this Avenue and then we’re on this path that we've been on that's created by the people around us, the organizations around us, whatever's influencing our lives. And a lot of times we just keep going along that path without really taking a look around. And then what happens is you end up with that feeling, that unfulfilled feeling, and you don't know why, you don't know where it's coming from.

[00:11:53]And what happened with you is a very common story until you take the time to stop. Exactly what you did, to stop and take that step back and bring that awareness and analyzation to your life to figure out what is it you want, what are your passions? What is your purpose? It’s so important.

[00:12:10]Tucker Stine:  And we, I think we realized after this pandemic, too, that for many people that were just literally working these tragic hours that we spent so much time defining who we are with what we did, what, what our work was what our craft or our skill was. And one of the, probably the number one thing that I get from my clients is.

[00:12:28] I didn't realize how unhealthy I was. I didn't realize how much I was missing out on certain things in my life and my kids' life or my family's life. And I didn't realize because I was so buried in what was actually not important that I was losing or you’re eroding away a lot of those things. And I realized, Oh my gosh, You know where the shame and the guilt and the fear of what I was explaining to people basically turned into, instead of what I say, that my Scarlet letter of living a sober life became my badge of honor, my badge of courage.

[00:13:03] And I was, and so at one point, and it took me five years, I just celebrated five years of sobriety. And I finally said, you know what, screw it. I'm just going to use this. Use my story as a business development tool and sure enough, people came out of the woodwork saying, Oh my gosh, how did you do it? I need to do that.

[00:13:23] My spouse needs to do it. I have friends that need support. What is it that you did to turn your entire life around and reinvent yourself? Not just with your business, but as an individual, as a person. And that has been, like I said my, I would say my greatest accomplishment outside my marriage and my kids is.

[00:13:40] The fact that I met myself for the first time, at the age of, I don't know, 43.

[00:13:46] Jolie Downs: [00:13:46] I love how you put that because it is so true. You met yourself for the first time at 43, just really got real with yourself. I find that it's either, either that, or you're going to go through some kind of crazy midlife crisis in a different way, yeah.

[00:13:57] Tucker Stine:  True. Everyone's bottom or break down, I say there's always gotta be some sort of a breakdown that make the breakthrough, but it can happen in a myriad of different things. But for me, what I always say is I'm sure, glad that it did, because if it hadn't happened, I would have continued down.

[00:14:12] A path of complete misery. And at the end of the day, all I'm doing is teaching the next generation. My own kids that, mediocrity is acceptable. Mediocrity is, something to be celebrated. And for me, I realized it wasn't and what's great now is, my wife and I, we're better than we were before, better than ever.

[00:14:31] And we get to raise kids that are emotionally intelligent, totally aware. Understand their emotional intelligence in terms of, who they are as individuals and in my own, I feel like I've broken that cycle. That a lot of our parent’s generations had where it was like bury everything. We don't show the emotion, just follow the path.

[00:14:50] It's this, and this. And don't debunk the system because otherwise you're going to find yourself in a heap of trouble. Whereas I'm finding it's actually the polar opposite. So it's been a very. Refreshing invigorating experience for all of us. And it's just something that I've grown to be very fond of.

[00:15:04] And I love, I just, I'm so glad that you had me on here because I feel like every time I get to tell this, it's just one more thing. One more person. If I get a chance to help heal or, literally say, Oh my gosh, it can happen. Then I've done my job. Yes.

[00:15:18] Jolie Downs: Yes. I completely agree because it can happen and everyone can make this change. It just, it takes, the awareness and making those steps in that personal insight, really taking the time. What would you suggest if you're going through this process yourself, if someone were feeling like this what would you suggest that they do to help make that change in the right direction?

[00:15:39] Tucker Stine: It’s great, I get that all the time and I know it's going to be different for everyone, but if I were to put it in some sort of advice or formula, the first thing I always say is. Give yourself a sabbatical take, just step back for a few, for whether it's a few days a week, a couple of weeks, whatever it is, because it's almost what I've found virtually impossible to reinvent without starting over.

[00:16:05] It's very hard to try and weigh both at the same time, because you're still like any other thing where if you're looking for a new job or this or that, if you're in transition, you're never getting the attention that you should be giving it. So I always say, take the pause. And if you're not feeling happy before you get into those behaviors, those coping skills of, for a lot of people it's shopping or it's exercise, it's gambling, that's porn, it's alcohol, it's any substance abuse, whatever it is, those numbing coping mechanisms never ever work because they'll work only for a time.

[00:16:37] And for me, it was a quick two or three years. But after that, Your body will break down on itself. It will turn on you and you don't even realize that it's happening. So before you get into that mode, take a pause. If you are unfulfilled, take that pause. The second thing I've always found is surround yourself with people that want to see you lifted up.

[00:16:58] I was in this place of people pleasing. I'm always saying yes to everybody. I know I was taken advantage of on multiple occasions, but at the same time, I didn't want to make anyone dislike me. I just wanted everyone to like me. I never took any big leaps of faith and I realized. A ways into it. Oh my gosh. The people around me were toxic. And the only people that weren't were my family, but because I didn't shed away the negativity or shut away, then I became toxic to the people that love me the most. And that's where I realized that whole tribe, that building that inner circle, building the people of tribe of like-minded souls is probably one of the greatest things you can possibly do.

[00:17:41] Jolie Downs: Yes, you are who you hang with. What did you do to make those changes?

[00:17:45]Tucker Stine: Specifically, I, again, like I had to just resign completely from my job. I took some time off. And then I reevaluate it, everybody around me. And part of that was really difficult because we were, as a family, we were somewhat suffering in silence. But at the same time, I really picked apart everyone.

[00:18:01] I'm like, who are the people that I feel like I can really trust? And everybody else I had to cut ties with them. That was a really hard thing to do. But at the end of the day, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. And then I only focused on the people that Rose to the occasion. I only focused my attention on people that literally for the first time said, Hey, how are you then when they actually took an interest in my own, my own wellbeing.

[00:18:26]The other thing I did was like any company does their own retreat or a business plan for the next year, whatever that looks like. I put down on paper my own personal business plan. What is it that I love to do? What am I good at? What I did, my own self-analysis? What are my strengths, my weaknesses, what are the opportunities I have as a 40-year-old man, to be able to give back to this world?

[00:18:49] And I completely wrote out a business plan based on my passions. What am I good at? What, where do I want to show up in this world? And then I started asking people. Here's the other thing that's part of the crazy equation that I've seen a lot for a lot of men we can't do this, is raise our hand and ask for help.

[00:19:06]For the first time in my life ever, I asked for help. And the way I look at it is this. I didn't ask for help because I was weak or suffering. I asked for help because my plan for myself was so big. I knew I couldn't do it by myself. And when you look at it, from that perspective, all of a sudden it was like, okay, We're meant to co-create on this planet.

[00:19:27] We're meant to be connected. Human beings find the right people, you don't have to settle. Oftentimes I find myself settling again for people pleasing. And then I just basically started having conversations, connecting, building conversations, telling stories, letting people know what I was up to and completely.

[00:19:41]I'm taking myself away from my old life. Because the moment I tried to hang on to anything that felt like a resemblance of what the old self was. It would pull me right back in. So it had to be a clean break from old and re-invent new. So this holding onto the past really didn't work for me.

[00:19:59] And I've rarely seen it work for others. It needed to be a clean break. And the only thing I held on to were my family, people that really love me. And that was a hard thing to swallow.

[00:20:08] Jolie Downs: How did you deal with the challenges through that process?

[00:20:10] Tucker Stine: because it's, it can be very lonely at first. But I will say the people that I have in my life now that I've met just in the last few years, I would never trade them for people that I've known for 30, 40, 45 years.

[00:20:24] Jolie Downs:  Wow. So the impact on changing friends in your life?

[00:20:28] Tucker Stine: Huge. Huge. And not just friends, people in the business world. Find people that want to help you because at the end of the day, the more that I give out, the more that helps others. The first thing they come back to me and say is how can I help you? And then all of a sudden that co-creation that referral system that whole networking just grows and grows.

[00:20:48] And they're authentic because you've helped them. And they're specifically saying, what can I do for you? And that is the most, I would say that the number one thing in terms of networking or building your business is always asking what you can do for somebody else. Cause it will come back and pay you back.

[00:21:04] Jolie Downs: I completely agree. And I love that you brought up also asking for help yourself. I think that's really big. I, it's not just a man thing. I admit I have this problem. And I, funny enough, it was an early podcast guest who talked about the power of asking for help. That really helped me evaluate and look at it in a different way of, it's not that you're putting someone else out, but when you're asking for help, not only is it helping you, you're allowing someone to give you help which helps them, it actually makes them feel better. And it assists in your own connection between your own personal connection between the two people.

[00:21:39] And so it helped change my mind that this is a very good thing and it's a powerful thing. So I love that you brought it up.

[00:21:45] Tucker Stine:And it, I, it is a generational shift and I'm really happy to see, obviously there are certain things in the younger generations that, that everyone's concerned about, but also there's some incredibly positive shifts and going after what you want and being a little bit more emotionally intelligent with your feelings and be able to ask for help, or, really doing what you want to do.

[00:22:03] And, I think one of the things that has truly helped me the most is I haven't wavered on anything specifically where it has been out of alignment. And when I, what I mean by that is in my old self, I would have said yes to everything. Now I can sit here and say, if it doesn't feel right, if the person doesn't feel right, if the opportunity doesn't feel right at the product or the service doesn't have the right connotation message, or it just doesn't feel good. It's the power to say no, this doesn't work for me and walk away from it. And I think in the past I would focus a lot of my energy on the things that didn't serve me. And when I started to focus on the things that do serve me, they are less in terms of the quantity, but by far greater in abundance.

[00:22:51] And that has taken me much further than trying to go after and an ambulance chase. Eliminating the things that weren't in alignment.

[00:22:58] Jolie Downs: Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's very big. It sounds like through this process, has it changed your own definition of success? If so, what is it now?

[00:23:09] Tucker Stine: Yes. And the reason I jumped to say yes so quickly is one of the things that I teach my clients right off the bat, that the number one brand that you need to be attracted to and own is yourself. And When people think about themselves differently in terms of you are who you are and how you show up every single day, that's how people perceive you.

[00:23:29] And when people perceive you in a way that's incredibly bright and light and energetic and positive and kind and just full of, that vigor that you're looking for it makes them feel that way. And all of a sudden it becomes contagious. And I found that the definition of success. No longer had to do with, what I did or who I was on paper.

[00:23:51]I did a talk at Microsoft about a year and a half ago, and I put up on a slide, two people, person A and person B and person A on the left was CEO, entrepreneur, this degree, 25 years of success. And it was basically all of these things that you would see on your LinkedIn resume or any kind of a resume. And on the right, it was married for 20 years, two amazing kids, loves to volunteer in prison, struggles with anxiety, has a passion for creating human impact. And I asked people in the audience, I said, which person would you rather hang out with? And they all will choose person B by far, and then the next slide, it was a picture of me.

[00:24:30] And I said, what if I were to tell you that they are the same? That's the same person. And it was like, Oh, we focus so much of our attention to the left side person, you go into a cocktail party and go, who are you? What do you do? Where do you work? That sort of thing. And I did this social experiment.

[00:24:47] I always encourage people to do this the next time you're at a cocktail party. Instead of asking somebody what they do, where they work say, Hey, when you wake up in the morning, what inspires you? And all of a sudden, you walk away with five different phone numbers, probably some sort of business or some sort of new connection or somebody that wants to support you because you took the time to create a meaningful conversation.

[00:25:13] And when you create those conversations built around story and personal passion, you create trust, you create connection, you create Relate-ability. And that is your best business development tool. It doesn't matter even what you sell, what you do or what, that just automatically made a connection.

[00:25:29] And I have seen some amazing partnerships come out of that experiment. And they didn't even know, what company they worked for, how much money they made, where they worked. It didn't even matter. It's like I trust this person. This makes complete sense to me. I need to work with you in some capacity, and that is so much more powerful to say, I don't care what you do, but I know we need to work together then to say, Oh, wow, that person may, Oh yeah.

[00:25:53] Oh yeah, they have X. And then you start evaluating them based on a surface appearance. And you don't even know any depth to the person whatsoever. And that has made a huge difference for me, especially, and for a lot of my clients, when they're looking at growing their business and building community, they look for those simple little adjustments in language that create really big results.

[00:26:14] Jolie Downs: Yeah, And that was a great question that you gave what, what inspires you when you get up in the morning? Is there anything else that you tell your clients if they struggle with making that authentic connection, because it is so important. Is there anything else that you tell them to try to to get to that authentic connection?

[00:26:31] Tucker Stine: Part of it is really focusing on the limiting beliefs, that little imposter that sits inside of you. And I think that becomes one of the hardest things for people to really get rid of, and we all have it and it shows up sometimes in the worst of times. And it usually is completely based on fear.

[00:26:49]But part of it is, again, going back to that concept of finding things that you're completely passionate about and making connections with people that have the same kind of passions. And the other thing is to do a lot of do the self work. And self work while it seems, Oh,  it's just a lot of time. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of this invest in yourself and most people over the years, they think, Oh yeah, I've gone to this conference or yeah, my, my company sends me to this, this or whatever. Invest in yourself, not a conference, but like literally take some time, find out what you are all about, whether it's in emotional intelligence program, whether it's a, a sabbatical on meditation and mindfulness.

[00:27:31]Maybe it's something that you've always wanted to do and you take time and you've wanted to hike the tallest peaks in the state of California, whatever that looks like. Take some time to invest in yourself. Because you need that rejuvenation. And oftentimes just that step back from the daily grind creates a whole new, and that's where, the biggest problem for me was that was the, what I always say.

[00:27:51] It's the longest trip that I ever took was from my head to my heart. because there was a huge blockage there. I got stuck in my head and a lot of people get stuck in their head. And by the time it gets to your heart, it's so diluted. And so worn out the heart doesn't have enough to give, to make it a reality.

[00:28:09] So the moment I took a break and focused on my brain health, my mental health Focusing on my anxiety,  take a test, find out how you are doing inside. It's okay to say, I'm feeling a little bit anxious or maybe I'm a little bit depressed or, I struggle with attention deficit.

[00:28:22] I know I can't focus on certain things. It's okay. Over time, our brain starts to react to some of the unhealthy toxins that are in our environments. So I even did some brain health exercises and did some bio neurofeedback and some mapping of my brain reactivating the things that were no longer active and doing those exercises and finding what, certain things that, again, getting to know your body completely reprogrammed and rewired my brain to think in a different way.

[00:28:48] And I started showing up differently, waking up differently changing my routines in the morning. Those little shifts can sometimes bring about great results. So often before I even start with the client, one of my main mandatory things is if you don't take 24 hours to invest in yourself and somehow then we can't start.

[00:29:04]And I usually tell them to do that 72 hours before our first, consult our first session. And it's it's a game changer because all of a sudden that, so instead of me trying to pull it out, Even though that's part of what I do, but instead of trying to pull it out there, it's already at the tip of their tongue.

[00:29:19] And then I just help, manifest and magnify it on a much greater level. So I'm finding more and more older individuals doing this because Again, it's that burnout? It's that? Oh, I thought I know who I was, but maybe I don't. It's again, that rediscovery of self. And I, at first I was Oh, this is just a bunch of hogwash.

[00:29:39] It feels a little fluffy, whatever it is. I tell you I was a disbeliever and now I am beyond a believer and a lot of that stuff, because it completely rewires for you to show up as your best self.

[00:29:53] Jolie Downs: Oh, a hundred percent. I completely agree. And I've seen the power I've experienced the power of that. Myself. Is there an exercise that would be easy to share with the listeners that they could try themselves?

[00:30:04] Tucker Stine: Yes. So here's what I always do the most or the most difficult time for me is the first 15 minutes in the morning. And it's not, when I wake up or get up from bed, it's the moment my eyes open and I see the ceiling. 15 minutes. My mind turns into its own enemy. So what I do is I do this thing called the first 15.

[00:30:28] I don't allow myself to sit there and lay for 15 minutes and start to stew over my mental Rolodex of what happens. I get up immediately splash water on my face. I move around, get some energy going. I pour myself a cup of coffee. I sit outside, watch the sun, get some sun on my face. That first 15 minutes is me.

[00:30:46] Nobody else is going to touch it. Sometimes I invite my wife into that space, whatever it is, but that is my time to start the day off. Cause that's where I do that kind of mental reset. And then the last 15 minutes of the day, I put the phone away. I'll set my alarm knowing to make sure I can get up the next morning, but I either read, I meditate. I I'll tell my kids stories.  We talk whatever it is, but no technology stimulation at least 15 minutes before I go to bed. It's one of the number one things that, that can distract us with, with sleep and sleep is so important. And then the other thing that is super, and I don't work for them, but I always promote them is an app on your phone called insight timer. it's a free app. Insight. I N S I G H T timer. It's a random name, but you can go in there and it's, there are hundreds and hundreds of free meditations and people meditate very differently. Some like music, some like silence, some bird noises or nature noises, some like lectures guided meditations.

[00:31:47]But you can pick your teachers and it's like creating your own meditative program. And I do it every single day. It changed my life.

[00:31:55] Jolie Downs: Fantastic. I completely agree. Meditation absolutely changed my life. And I have found that when I stop it, it feels like I've stopped showering. It's it makes me cranky and grumpy. Snappy. It's a must.

[00:32:09]Tucker Stine: And I do it and here's the other thing is you can share it. I do it with the kids now. Both kids were, again, it's like that watched YouTube until I fall asleep and that, no, we're not doing that anymore. And just that ounce of calming the mind, they're sleeping better. They wake up better.

[00:32:21]Everyone's happier in the morning. My kids have engaged in it too. And it's great. If you have a family, allow everyone to participate, it's something that everybody can enjoy.

[00:32:29]Jolie Downs:  Yes, I actually, I've been trying to get my kids to, to meditate and it's not something that they have embraced with me. I have teenagers, but I just negotiated a treaty, offered them something they wanted for something I wanted. And so we are going to be actually branching into that this week. Hopefully it goes well.

[00:32:50] Tucker Stine: A little bit of resistance, but my 13 year old loves it. My 16 year old, it feels still feels a little, eh, but I do find when he gets agitated, I have caught him a couple of times on the app and I'm like, okay, he gets it. He just doesn't want to necessarily share that with mom and dad.

[00:33:07] Jolie Downs:  That's great. So let me ask you this. Are there any other habits that you've formed that have helped bring you, make you successful?

[00:33:14]Tucker Stine:  Yeah, I've touched on it a little bit. The power of saying no, because I was a yes person. Literally to everything. And so that, that was a big one. I talked about investing in oneself. One of my big things is contrary reaction for, I think what got me into trouble for so many years was I stayed in my safe zone.

[00:33:29]It was easy because I knew it and I knew what the, there's a calculator result and I had control over it. But what I mean by contrary action is do some of the things that you don't wouldn't normally do, or normally you would say no to. These can be things that are business decisions.

[00:33:42]They could be trying to talk to people that you've never, you've always had a fear of talking to and you just, just get that confidence to talk to them. If it's a sport you've always wanted to try, but I've never done it, do something like that. When we do the contrary action, we're actually building brain cells.

[00:33:56]It's very easy for our brain cells to just die away when we don't challenge them. And. If we challenged them with fear often again, that doesn't help them. But if we challenge them with, the dopamine and the oxytocin and those, those really great hormones that we can secrete when we do things that make us excited and happy and fulfilled, you can actually build a stronger brain.

[00:34:20] And so I always say, when you say contrary action, I use it with my kids. I use it. My wife has used it. It's just allowing yourself to get out of your comfort zone a little bit and realize that it actually builds a lot of self-confidence. And even if you fail, as I've been trying to teach my kids, now, my son came home with a failure the other day, and it was really bent out of shape. I said, I said to my son, Matt, I've had some pretty big failures in my life. And I've known, especially my biggest failure that you know about just a few years ago has now become my greatest lesson in life. Allow those failures to become those lessons. Again, moving through those emotions of failures and allowing to be lessons and not, ways to waste to pull you down.

[00:34:57]Jolie Downs: One of the biggest lessons you can teach your teenagers too.

[00:34:59]Tucker Stine:  It's a game changer. And I guess the last one I will say is. You don't have to do things alone because there's this, especially for an entrepreneur, there's this fear of if I'm an entrepreneur, I can't ask for help or, it's always asked for help and surround yourselves with people that you trust, know and they're always going to give back and pay it forward.

[00:35:18]And the moment there's something that doesn't feel right. Walk away from it. And there are some things worth fighting for, and some things that aren't, some people see, like it's like some people come into your life and stay for great reasons. And some people come into your life and leave for the right reasons.

[00:35:34] So I think there's just being able to look out for yourself is really important.

[00:35:39] Jolie Downs: Yes. You've obviously learned a lot over these past few years, or has it been a lot of wisdom that has come into your life? Have you found that you deal with struggle or difficult times a little differently now than you used to?

[00:35:51] Tucker Stine: Absolutely. And it's been a very simple formula that if you were to look at me a few years back, I would have said that's, that's a bunch of hubbub.  It's not going to work in this simple formula is first to pause. So if something is agitated, something's popping up or whatever it is, if something is just, starting to cause yourself to rise a little bit, take the pause.

[00:36:15]If now that I'm working from home and I had been for the last year, plus I'll walk right out of my home office, down the street, get 10 minutes of fresh air, some of the best medicine come back and rethink, I always say first thought is wrong. The first thought that comes to your mind usually is wrong.

[00:36:29] It's usually the second, third or fourth thought after you've thought it through a little bit after the pause that are probably the best serving decisions.

[00:36:35]Jolie Downs: That's a message that people need to hear, because I think a lot of people think that first thought is

[00:36:40] Tucker Stine:  That concept of gut reaction. I have a gut reaction to myself. There are certain things that I do believe that our gut reaction, but I think a lot of, especially in business gut reaction, isn't always the best route. Sometimes the gut reaction is usually a fear response and usually there's, we have decisions we can either make out of fear or love.

[00:37:00] A lot of gut responses are out of fear. And if you can take that pause, you can move away, go down the sliding scale of fear and love and move closer to love. That is usually gonna turn out, the best way. And then, and I always say, even after you do that pause and you still have this doubt of uncertainty, raise your hand and ask for help. Don't try to accomplish it. If you still don't feel right about the answer or the way, the path that you've paved in front of you, get some second opinions.

[00:37:27]Then don't be afraid to co-create and collaborate. Cause one of the things that I, one of the things that I've been teaching my kids too, is, when we try to be, a Jack and Jill of all trades and we try to be everything to everyone, sometimes we end up being nothing to no one, focus on your zone of genius.

[00:37:42] And find where your gaps and your holes are. And find people to fill those so that you that's where that's how you build the team. You don't want to find a lot of people that are like-minded in terms of your skill sets and what you bring to the table in values. Yes. But in skillsets, no, because then you end up doing, you're avoided a lot of the things that need support.

[00:38:00] So always focus on your zone of genius and don't, you don't have to master everything, especially as an entrepreneur. That's one of the biggest mistakes I see from entrepreneurs is that they think that they have to master everything when. The reality is they find other people that have zones of genius that are very complimentary.

[00:38:18] Jolie Downs: Yes. I think that's why the yin yang symbol is so important. It's a visual teacher.

[00:38:24] Tucker Stine: Yes, it is.

[00:38:25]Jolie Downs: Before we start, because everything you've said has been so valuable. I'm curious is. Is there one change. One thing listeners could do right now that might help them get just that much closer to their own success.

[00:38:44] Tucker Stine: Ask themselves, the hard question, regardless of where you're at in your life, how successful you are, how happy you are, whatever it is. Ask the question. Am I happy, joyous free person at this very moment? And if you doubt it, if you can't say yes, that doesn't mean everything's out of alignment, but there's something that's not. If you can say the answer is yes without hesitation, then you're on the right path there. Isn't, you're always going to have things that are going on that are going to knock you, try and beat up the joy a little bit. But if you can sit there and say, and answer that question. Yes.  Then you're in great shape. If there's a hesitation or there's a no. Don't be afraid to figure out what that is, even if it means you have to change everything. 

One of my things that I've said before, when I had that moment of personal destruction in my all time, low of lows is I realized that the moment, the only thing that I had to change was everything. it seemed like a daunting task, but it's one step after another. And the steps in having it been a tough, long journey, it's been, years in the making. I can say that I'm happier than ever. I'm more joyous than ever and more free than ever. And I'm able to pay that forward and I get to work with people that see that in themselves.

[00:40:08] And at the end of the day, if you can be in that space, You'll never have another bad business deal. You'll never work with another, bad person. You'll never have an I shouldn't say never, but you won't set yourself up for those relationships in those trials and tribulations. If you stay on that path.

[00:40:24] Jolie Downs:  I think it's beautiful. Now. What is on the agenda for you? Is there anything that you're working on?

[00:40:30]Tucker Stine: One of the things that I'm getting more involved in is public speaking and which I love doing. And part of that is I'm starting to see that the work that I'm doing outside of supporting entrepreneurs is really gaining traction and kind of all verticals within the business world.

[00:40:46]And I'm really excited that I was referred to a conference called equip to achieve, which is going to help parents and educators support emotional intelligence and the power of creating their own personal brand to help kids in distance learning that are really suffering right now. So something I never thought would actually be, in, in the alignment, and having this conversation realizing it's absolutely a hundred percent in alignment.

[00:41:09]So looking for other avenues to create more momentum and movement around this concept of really discovering who you are as a person, what I call the personal brand. Helping people architect that and realizing that whether you're an entrepreneur or you work in the corporate world, that personal brand follows you wherever you go.

[00:41:26] And it's about personal development, professional development, self love, self care, and all of the relationships and the business ventures that you take part in will naturally grow and become much healthier. And that's what I'm on.

[00:41:38] Jolie Downs: that's great. Oh, I think that's wonderful. Now Tucker, are you taking on new clients?

[00:41:43] Tucker Stine: I am. Yes,

[00:41:44] Joie Downs: Okay. So if someone's interested, they all have in the show notes, your website they can go and find you

[00:41:49]Tucker Stine: Yep. And put my email in there as well. And I love taking direct email, which is completely fine. 

[00:41:54] Jolie Downs: I will.

[00:41:55] Tucker Stine: and yeah, I'm happy to, and we can sit down and do an assessment to see if it's the right fit, nine times out of 10, I realized people realize, Oh wow there's more work to be done, which is exciting.

[00:42:05] One of the favorite things I love is to see the light bulb go off in someone's head when they're like, Oh, maybe I don't know everything about myself. it's me. Yeah. Or maybe it's that. Oh my gosh. I could have a life that's so much better. And I hadn't even thought that I could do that. So open up those opportunities.

[00:42:21] Jolie Downs: Oh, I can only imagine how, what you do, how it feels so different than what you used to do at this point in time.

[00:42:27] Tucker Stine:  I can't even begin to tell you.

[00:42:30] Jolie Downs: I think it's great. Tucker, thank you so much for spending time with us. 

[00:42:40] I love Tuckers story. I’m so grateful he shared his honest raw moments with us when he hit his bump in the road around 40. How many of you could empathize with this – recognizing that feeling of, am I really fulfilled? And the subsequent burying of that feeling; the shutting it out, ignoring it for the option of blindly moving forward with the way life is going.

Such a common story that so many of us get stuck in. And life gives us those shake up moments, such as Tuckers son texting him, the universe speaks to us always but it’s up to us to break through the noise and choose to finally listen.

If you find yourself carrying that empty feeling, I want you to know - This is not as good as it gets. It CAN be so much better. 

Tucker’s story is a perfect example – 

Tucker was feeling lost and like many who ignore those uncomfortable feelings, was going down a not so great path. He recognized this and took a great pause in his life, He reevaluated everything, took time to focus on his health, on his mind and on his life. He took stock of everything, decided where he needed to make changes, started focusing on expanding his mindset to get rid of his limiting belief systems, focused in on the things he could control and removed any and all toxicity.

This reset led Tucker to his own great awakening and led him to feel he had finally found himself at the age of 43. He is now better than he ever was, living that fulfilled life he had always dreamed of. 

If you’re feeling unfulfilled, you can do this too. While we don’t all have the luxury of being able to take a big pause in work – you can carve out those pauses in life. YOU are just as important as every other little thing in your life, in fact, YOU are even more important. Carve out time for yourself to evaluate where you are and where you want to be. You must take this time for self-reflection if you want to find your fulfillment – there is no one size fits all when it comes to fulfillment – it is deeply personal for each individual soul.

It Starts by focusing in on the things you WANT in your life, not what you don’t want. I think what Tucker did was brilliant, he created his own personal “business plan”, which is also known in other avenues as a Life Book. I believe everyone should take part in this process, if not once a year than at least every couple of years. Ask yourself the right questions – If everything went exactly as you wanted it for the next five years – where would you be? What would your life look like – in all aspects? What are you best at? What do you enjoy the most? When you wake up in the morning, what inspires you? What opportunities can you bring back to the world? How do you want to show up in this world? 

These conversations with yourself are some of the most important you’ll have in your life. You will never reach the life you deserve to live if you don’t spend time figuring out these answers. Bottom line, you can’t get what you want until you become really clear on what that is.

Once you do that, do as Tucker did, keep your mind sharp, listening and focusing in on the positive voices in your head and shutting down the negative ones which are simply the result of the toxicity of your past. Let them go – not only the thoughts but the people too. 

Another great piece of advice from Tucker – Surround yourself with people that want to see you lifted up. This is so important! So many of us have toxic people surrounding us and they are absolutely contributing to negative energy and circumstances in our lives. Why do we put up with it for so long? If there was an object in your home that made you feel bad, judged, demoralized, lesser than, would you not simply remove that object from your life? We can do this with people too. Tucker admits this was a game changer for him. 

Look around at the people in your life – who do you trust? Who brings you positive energy? Who makes you feel good about yourself? Who lifts you up and believes in you? Who rises to the occasion? Who genuinely cares about you? What if you only surrounded yourself with these people? Can you imagine how different you would feel on a day to day basis. This is how we should all be living – feeling fully supported, cared for and safe in our personal relationships. 

I love that all these changes helped shift something inside of Tucker – giving him the power to walk away from anything that didn’t feel right and the practice to focus on what does serve him as opposed to what doesn’t. His changed his definition of success. He found his purpose and learned how to build trust and authentic connection with the world around him. Now he helps others do the same. 

How can you build authentic connections in your life? Tucker had great advice for that as well – 

First and foremost, get rid of that imposter that sits inside of you, the one that is based in fear and serves up every judgement, you must squash this voice by seeing what it really is – an imposter. Listen only to the voices that life you up. Be true to who you are, find the things you are passionate about and make connections with people who have the same passions. 

Do the self-work. Invest in yourself. All the most successful, fulfilled people in the world, invest in themselves. Do what you need to do give you that rejuvenation. Learn about the things that intrigue you. Expand your skill set, expand your knowledge base – know that you are a work in progress and act like it – feed yourself that which will help you continuously progress. 

Do things you wouldn’t normally do – or things you might normally say no to – as Tucker shared, contrary reactions build brain cells, releases positive emotions and increases self-confidence, even when you fail. Those failures often become your biggest lessons. I live by this and can attest that trying new things, even when you are terribly bad at them or fail terribly, it is liberating and freeing. It absolutely feeds the soul.

There was so much more goodness in this call but I’m going to leave you with one last final thought from Tucker

The number one brand you need to own and be attracted to is yourself

You are who you are and when you are feeling good within yourself, people perceive you as light, bright, energetic and kind and that in turn makes them feel light, bright energetic and kind you become contagious in the very best of ways – just by being you, living your feel-good life you can make a positive impact on the lives around you. That’s my wish for us all. 

Until next time