How to Handle A High-Conflict Personality Spouse When Co-Parenting With Bridget Bennett

Summary

In this episode, host Lisa and guest Bridget Bennett discuss the five essential steps to handle a high-conflict personality spouse when co-parenting. Bridget, a custody and divorce specialist, shares her journey and provides valuable insights and strategies for maintaining peace and focusing on the well-being of the children. The steps include going low contact, establishing firm legal boundaries, using BIF communication, considering a domestic violence protective order, and focusing on controlling oneself. Bridget emphasizes the importance of self-regulation and not reacting to the high-conflict behavior of the other parent.

Takeaways

Go low contact and use a parenting app to minimize direct communication with a high-conflict personality spouse.
Establish firm legal boundaries by having a court order in place and following it strictly.
Use BIF communication (brief, informative, friendly, and firm) to communicate with the high-conflict personality spouse effectively.
Consider obtaining a domestic violence protective order if the high conflict behavior continues and poses a threat.
Focus on controlling oneself and not getting caught up in the high-conflict behavior of the other parent.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the topic
03:11 Bridget's background and journey
04:25 Coping with high-conflict personalities
05:41 Defining high-conflict personality
06:35 Differentiating high-conflict personality from narcissism
10:04 Steps to handle a high conflict personality spouse
10:34 Step 1: Go low contact and use a parenting app
12:09 Step 2: Establish firm legal boundaries
15:41 Step 3: Use BIF communication
20:39 Step 4: Consider a domestic violence protective order
22:31 Step 5: Focus on controlling yourself
27:58 Recap of the five steps
36:09 How to reach Bridget for coaching
38:45 Conclusion and farewell
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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Welcome to Ella Goh. My name is Lisa. Join me on the journey in having real, raw and uncomfortable discussions about fitness, health and everything in between, because, let's be honest, this journey would suck if we don't get our shit together. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Ella Goh podcast, where we empower women through fitness, health and everything in between. I'm your host, lisa, and in today's episode, we're diving deep into the five essential steps to handle a high conflict personality spouse.

Speaker 1: 0:54

When co-parenting is a topic that many of you have reached out about, and we're here to provide insights, strategies and a whole lot of support. Co-parenting can be tricky, especially when dealing with a high conflict personality spouse. Fear not, because we got your back, and in today's episode, it is your roadmap to navigating these challenging situations. Whether you're in the midst of a divorce or you've been co-parenting for a while, these steps are designed to help you maintain peace and focus on what truly matters the well-being of your kids. So now, the special guest that we'll be providing these steps is coach Bridget Bennett. She's a custody and divorce specialist.

Speaker 2: 1:40

Welcome, bridget. Thank you so much for having me, lisa. I'm so excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 1:45

Well, first of all, we got to talk about how we met.

Speaker 1: 1:48

Bridget and I. This is so crazy because not too long ago, we actually met through mutual business partners and we're like, oh my God, I see you. Would you say it was like 2020? Yes, it was COVID. It was COVID. That is so freaking nuts. Okay, so 2020, obviously everyone was getting on TikTok. The adults were getting on TikTok and I saw Bridget. She was going through divorce and that resonated with me and we both were following each other and supporting each other and it's like this full circle. Who would have thought 2024? Now Bridget's on my podcast.

Speaker 2: 2:33

The things that happen in life right.

Speaker 1: 2:36

It's nuts, it's so nuts. So when we saw each other, that one day we're like oh my God, she's, look at her, she's real, I was totally girl-fatting okay.

Speaker 1: 2:46

Same here, same here. I mean you, like, I was listening and I watched your journey and I got to be honest with you. I was so envious because you were actually making waves where I wasn't. And then when you made that special announcement of the outcome of your custody, I was so freaking happy for you. But you've given us not just me, but every woman and man so much inspiration and just keep on fighting the good fight for our kids. So that's why I really wanted you to be on here, because you have so much to truly provide to the audience in regards to this topic. So let's get to it. Bridget, can you just give us a little bit about your background, like how did you get started with coaching, and maybe talk about, like you know, how did it all begin?

Speaker 2: 3:45

Right? Well, I've been a paralegal. My profession is I'm a paralegal, been one for gosh 20 years or so. So I was finding my way in, you know, the trenches of family court and I got to a point where I was just tired of being in this victim mindset of you know. Woe is me. All of these things are happening to me and it's so unfair, right, and I just am like fuck it, I'm not going to let this happen anymore. I'm going to just take all of the things that are happening for me in life and I'm going to use the experiences, the good and the bad and the ugly, and I'm going to help as many people as I possibly can so they never feel the ways that I was feeling, because I did it all alone and I didn't want that to happen to anybody else ever again, or their children to feel, you know, sadness or discouraged, and that's kind of how I turned the journey around a bit.

Speaker 1: 4:52

I wanted to be that person that I needed for myself, to others, Well, you know, as everyone's listening to you, another thing, that another reason why I'm envious of you is you have such a calmness to you, your personality. You're very calm. You have such a very calmness to your voice and I don't. So, you know, and that was why, where you were helpful, because you would talk about when you're dealing with somebody that you have to co-parent that's not easy to co-parent and how do you like center yourself and not go crazy with your emotions and that's so hard to do. So, you know, listening to you during, you know, watching your TikToks, you gave me a lot of that inspiration because you know I needed to get centered because, at the end of the day, it's really for the kids.

Speaker 1: 5:47

But I'm glad that you decided to do this because you obviously you're doing such great things and you're giving us so much great insight and how to handle a not so great situation. So let's talk about high conflict personality and I asked you when you first brought this up. I was like, well, what is that? So could you define that? I mean, we could. That could be a lot of things. Well, could you define that and maybe even provide some examples to the audience?

Speaker 2: 6:14

Right. So someone with high conflict personality is one that it's a pattern of behavior and it's a repetitive pattern of behavior. So this is someone that has an intense conflictive pattern of behavior. They are thriving off of conflict, chaos, and a lot of individuals will refer to them as somebody that might be narcissistic or, you know, maybe sociopathic, and I try to stay away from you know psychological diagnosis and just focus on the pattern of behavior. So if you are constantly trying to get you know some communication across co-parenting wise and you are always just meeting a wall constantly, chances are you're probably in a co-parenting situation with somebody with a high conflict personality.

Speaker 1: 7:07

I love that you mentioned the whole idea of making these diagnoses, because I mean, when 2020 did happen, what was like the buzz word?

Speaker 2: 7:17

Narcissism.

Speaker 1: 7:18

Narcissism, like everyone, was a damn narcissist.

Speaker 2: 7:23

Everyone was a narcissist.

Speaker 1: 7:28

And it's like you know, and someone from you know the therapy background, I was like, okay, first of all, there's like a whole like that everybody is a narcissist and there's always like just toxic behavior, you know, hands down. So I was going to ask you, you know, could someone be, could someone have a high conflict personality without being a narcissist? But I think we know the answer. I mean, yeah, I mean they don't necessarily have to be a narcissist, correct?

Speaker 2: 8:01

They don't have to be a narcissist, right, and somebody would have to be diagnosed, really, as a narcissist for that term to really be used. One could argue that they would fall under the umbrella of a cluster B personality disorder, right, I do have a background in human services, so in mental health. But ultimately, what they're diagnosed as or what they could be diagnosed as, it doesn't really matter. What is important in what we want to showcase in family court is this repetitive pattern of behavior and how that is impacting us, our ability to effectively co-parent and communicate with this individual, and how that pattern of behavior is impacting the minor children that are involved because at the end of the day, it is about them and how long term this can impact them as they get into even adulthood. That's what we want to talk about and share. And how do we showcase this in family court? Right, that's where the struggle lies, because people are going to say left and right oh, this is a narcissist and you're gaslighting me, and that just doesn't play well.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Yes, the court system is on a whole different level and I think that is something that we have a hard time understanding because we assume, oh, like you just said, they're narcissists, they're gaslighting, and this is the legal court system. You just hit it on the nail. You talked about patterns of behavior, proof of patterns of behavior that are detrimental to co-parenting, and you have to show case that that's happening and you can't just be throwing those words yes, it's a whole different world in there. I don't get it. I honestly had to relearn. I was in my own situation and I would say, well, yeah, but he doesn't, and you're like, okay, no, well, how many times does he do it? Is there a pattern? I mean, the one time thing is not going to cut it, unless it's very grandiose situation. With that being said, let's talk about those five steps. What are some of the steps or ways that someone could handle a high conflict personality spouse or even a significant other when co-parent or during separation or divorce?

Speaker 2: 10:34

Well, if there's children, the first thing that I always advise is you have to go low contact. You have got to get off of text messaging, phone calls. It's not about giving them the benefit of the doubt. Anything that you do and say, cannon will be used against you and it will be spun against you. The narrative will be spun a million ways and it will become this narrative that's very negative.

Speaker 2: 11:03

In family court we got to get onto a parenting app. Talking parents is one that I highly recommend. People use our Family Wizard. These are just two very common ones. That is a boundary that you are going to maintain.

Speaker 2: 11:19

Something of parenting app is something that the communication cannot be modified. It is a certified version of the communication. They can't go into Gmail and try to start cherry picking things Now. They still will with their attorneys, but you can provide a certified copy of all of the communication. That's something that is ideal. That is if there's children involved. If you are just divorcing and separating somebody that's high conflict personality then there should be very minimal to no conversations at all. If there is just keep it an email, you want to keep it an email. You don't need to get into a parenting app, obviously for that communication. We want to keep it to something that is very minimal. We want to keep the conversations that are not getting into emotions of well, that time that you went out to dinner with Sally, your secretary, and no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not rehashing the past. That's step number one. We want to keep the communication to be something that is very, not full of emotions. You want to be as professional as possible.

Speaker 1: 12:27

Let's talk a little bit about that app, because I didn't know that. I didn't even know about it until way into my situation. Is that something that has to be approved by the judge?

Speaker 2: 12:40

In some cases yes, in other cases we want to encourage I use that word. We want to encourage the high conflict person to get onto a parenting app. They're going to be very resistant to it because they're all about maintaining power and control, but if we can encourage them to get onto the app, it's better for us. But I do say we want to get that into a court order. Your court order just goes into step number two. You want to get a court order eventually. Initially, it's going to take some time to get that. The court process is a bit lengthy. If we've been through the court process and family court, we know that it takes some time. But we want to get everything into a court order. That court order is your rule book, your guide book. You do not steer away from anything that's in that order. We're going to make sure that we're sticking to every little thing. You're going to memorize it like you know how to write your first and last name. That way you can make sure that they are sticking to it as well.

Speaker 1: 13:45

I'm going to share a little bit about the court order Now that I'm thinking about. I'm so glad I did what I did. So you know one of the things that I did I did sought out Some advice on how to even go about that. This needs to be written like a freaking Bible, like every little situation, like if there's a Martin Luther King day, what's the situation. There's a snow day, what's the situation, you know?

Speaker 1: 14:09

So I wanted it written in such a way that someone could take it and know what situation could occur and what. What is it that we would have to? We would have to follow, and I remember Getting help from this woman that helped me and I mean I paid for the services and she helped me write out this core order and when we brought it to the judge, or judge said I've never seen anything like this in my life, because it was written with such detail and Because I didn't get any communication. So if I'm not gonna get communication, this is great, because this person could just get the book and now have to talk to me and say, oh okay, this is what's supposed to happen.

Speaker 2: 14:52

So yes yes, or exactly what you need in case of you know I I encourage people. In case of a snow day Like this, past week, for me as a coach has been chaotic. I've had so many clients contacting me. What do I do? It's a snow day, school is closed, there's a delay and I have clients all over the country. And well, what does your court order say? What does your parenting plan say? And some of them don't know, like they have to send it to me and we have to go through it together and we stick to the parenting plan.

Speaker 2: 15:25

Sometimes there's no language in there, right, and so then, it's about how do we construct a message and we're going to let the other Other parent, the high conflict parent, believe that we're giving them some kind of Control or some power to make a decision, but we're asking for their preference, in other words, knowing that they're also going to Likely, you know, try to put the child safety first. But it's, it's kind of an interesting psychology that goes on because we're implementing a method of communication which is one of the one of our steps that we're going to use on how we're going to effectively communicate with them, and this is a method that I Teach. It's called Biff communication, and so this goes it kind of like my segue here and it goes into like step number three so you've got your, you've got your court order and you want to effectively communicate with this high conflict individual. But how do you do it? Right? And so using Biff communication, which is brief and formative, friendly and firm. So we're using assertiveness and we're communicating in a way that's going to say, hey, let's say John, hi, john.

Speaker 2: 16:40

As you know, the weather is terrible and the road conditions are, you know, bad. School is closed. How would you like to handle Visitation this evening? What is your preference? Right, I don't have a problem. I'm available to keep. To keep, sally, I look forward to hearing back from you. Thanks, bridgette. Right, and then we're gonna get a response back and the response. If you've been using Biff for a while, it takes a while, right, because you're like also retraining them.

Speaker 1: 17:11

Oh.

Speaker 2: 17:12

I'm, I understand, I am happy they might even throw out a makeup time, right. But that's the goal, is you want to help de-escalate the conflict over time. But if you're throwing out something to the other person, that's high conflict and you're throwing out something that's kind of demanding, authoritative, because that's just their nature, you're going to get a response that's combative, defensive, and that's just going to add to your anxiety. It's gonna add to the conflict, into, like this sense of drama and we don't want that. We want to live a peaceful and happy life.

Speaker 1: 17:48

Hey, man, sister, okay, so that's one of the steps that someone could take. I love the way that you would. Then I, okay, let me say this okay, I Love the way that you worded and and the way you gave that example, but you know you're so, if you are on the other end of it, like you really need to, I don't know meditate, have a run. Yeah, you know what are you gonna do to, because you gotta be centered. And I will say this that probably is the most important part is, you know, be at the point where you can actually have a very calm conversation with that other individual and if you know you are not, do not respond no, like don't feel like you got to respond right at that moment. Like, take a time out and run or meditate or breathe.

Speaker 2: 18:51

Yes, yes, I have a solid meditation practice, some great stretching, some yoga, long walks. I know we've talked about this. I've been a runner. Now my running has kind of fallen off track of the instance, covid.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Oh, wow, we're going to talk about this?

Speaker 2: 19:14

We do, we do, coach Lisa, we do. I've run four half marathons since the time I've been divorced, so running has definitely been very therapeutic for me. There is an amazing correlation with moving your body and your mental health. You cannot, you cannot, reduce your cortisol stress levels without moving your body. It just doesn't happen. And so I'm like let's fight all the healthy coping. You know mechanisms that I can possibly have. Moving my body is probably number one.

Speaker 1: 19:50

I agree with you on that one. Oh girl, yes, oh, amen to that I can. I'm going to keep that to myself, because I remember going through kickboxing class and the trainer was like Lisa, what is going on with your beating the hell out of that bag? And I'm like, oh yeah, I'm just releasing my stress right now. Okay, let's talk about the next step.

Speaker 2: 20:12

So the next step is, you know, with the firm legal boundaries that I talked about, one of the ones that I've left out is, you know, a domestic violence protective order. A lot of people that are experiencing a high conflict personality, you know, they've experienced a lot of abuse and some abuses hidden, and I want to talk about that some, because abuse is not only just physical, right, abuse can be emotional abuses, financial, and when you're out of those situations you don't realize it until sometimes after the fact, and it can be years down the road and you're like, oh snap, oh, oh, wow, that was happening to me, right. And so I think for me, in my situation, I didn't realize all of the things that I had really fully experienced. I know I was in an abusive situation or an unhealthy marriage, but I didn't realize the importance of me trying to protect myself and getting a domestic violence restraining order until after and you know, until after I had filed for divorce, I had gotten divorced and I had my custody order in place and these things just kept happening over and over and over again.

Speaker 2: 21:29

And so sometimes they don't always have a sequence right. You can file for your divorce, you can have your custody order in place and if you're saying that these you know, combative, conflictive behaviors are continuing harassment, stalking you need to do something else to protect yourself. And it's not like, oh well, if I just give in, if I just do what he or she wants, it's going to get better. No, no, it's not going to get better. You have to hold your boundaries and sometimes you need to take, you know, the legal route to do that, and that's something that I don't think we should ever shy away from or feel any kind of shame by doing it.

Speaker 1: 22:11

Yeah, I think that it's for women especially. You just hit it on the nail where they feel like you know I'll just give in and it doesn't get better, it just keeps getting worse. You're not making it any better for yourself or your kids. So, okay, how many did we do already? I think we did. This is the. This is the section where you delete. Okay, we did. How many for me was for me?

Speaker 2: 22:40

was for. We got one more. Yes. Okay all right, yes.

Speaker 1: 22:45

Okay, Bridget, let's do the last one. What's the last step?

Speaker 2: 22:49

Understanding that you can only control yourself. You cannot control what goes on at the other parent's house, how they are parenting the child during their parenting time. You can't if they're not having the child in bed at the child's bedtime, if it's an hour later, if the child is smaller and a toddler and they're feeding them 30 minutes past the feeding time. You gotta let some of this shit go. Can I curse on here? Sorry, okay, you gotta let some shit go. If you don't, you are going to look high conflict yourself. The kids are going to see, in the end, who is who and figure it out.

Speaker 2: 23:39

You can only control yourself. By doing that and accepting that, you also will learn how to better regulate your emotions and not respond or not react as the word I want to use Not react from a place of emotions and not be attacking the other person all the time. You'll be able to respond and do so in a much better, healthier mindset and place and be much more calm. Now, it's taken me a long time to get here. I feel that you've seen the journey on my TikTok. I mean I scrolled down a long way, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:26

That's like four years of that. I've come a long way. Yeah, yeah, I. You know that is so hard. That is so hard to you know. When someone says that you almost feel like you're not listening to me, but you don't understand, yes, I do understand, but you're not going to control that person, no matter what, Then I'm going to go to court and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 24:50

Is that really even helping the situation? And I, I will say this when you do come to that point and I can resonate with what you just said, that I've come a long way too and when you got to, when you get to that point where you can self-regulate, eventually you're going to be that person to your kids because they're going to come to you and say, oh, and then I can't believe that my step mom or my step dad, and then you can actually say, okay, well, let's talk about this. You know you can't control what they say and I'm finding myself even doing that. I was like go, lisa, who dis Go for it for you?

Speaker 1: 25:35

Oh, I mean, I, you know it takes time and I recently, you know, spoke to somebody who's in the beginning phases and you know you're listening to them talk and you're like, oh my God, I've been there, oh my God, and they're just saying all the things and then all I could offer them and just like it was offered to me, it'll get better Eventually. It will get better as long as you do that work to self-regulate and follow those steps that you just mentioned.

Speaker 2: 26:06

Yes, yes, and then you're all doing the work on yourself and focusing on you. You've got to switch it around and it doesn't matter what he or she is doing, it doesn't matter about their new partner and the new wife or new husband. That's where they want your focus to be and they want you to be super fixated on their life, because that's what they do about you.

Speaker 2: 26:29

But if you just like I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck, I'm just going to focus on me and do all of my healing work. And it's constant right. Healing is an active verb. You never stop healing. You're always going to be doing the work and as soon as you figure that out, you're like huh, this is a walk in the park, I can keep doing this. Okay, you're going to come at me with something else. I got this. I am not surprised. And you're able to then pick on to their patterns of behavior. They become very predictable. You're going to know that before a court date, some crap is going to happen. All right, I was anticipating this. I always act up right before court. Predictable right Right before Christmas. Predictable Between Thanksgiving and New Year's it's the busiest time for me as a cook.

Speaker 1: 27:20

Oh, of course, oh my God, oh my God. Yes, I could just remember that. Yes.

Speaker 2: 27:26

They're not giving me back the kids, I don't know what to do. Yeah, because they want this to happen to you. It's not about the kids. They're wanting to piss you off. You're wanting to get this emotional reaction out of you. So don't get it to them, just be like okay, blink, you've got to be in different, learning in difference.

Speaker 1: 27:47

And so hard to do and like if you have to vent to somebody or like just put on that face like you know, okay, no, okay, you know, and then be like, oh my God, I can't. You know, I can remember doing that and you know, do what you got to do to focus on the kids, because that's really who's it's about. All right, so let's just run through all the five steps, all right. What was number one? What was number one Number?

Speaker 2: 28:16

one. You got to go low contact, no contact if you don't have kids and get on a parenting app.

Speaker 1: 28:22

That's the most important.

Speaker 2: 28:24

Talking parents is my favorite, our family wizard, you can use that too.

Speaker 1: 28:28

Okay, what's number two?

Speaker 2: 28:30

Number two you've got to have firm legal boundaries. You've got to have firm legal boundaries. You've got to have a custody order in place. You've got to follow it. Do not sway from it under no circumstances.

Speaker 1: 28:43

Stick to it.

Speaker 2: 28:44

Perfect and number three, we're going to use. An effective form of communication, which is my preferable way of communicating, is the Biff method, which is brief, informative, friendly and firm.

Speaker 1: 28:56

Okay, and number four number four is.

Speaker 2: 29:03

what did I say Number four is? I had it down and I was like I think it went out of order. Hold on, number four was I think, I think, I think, I think, I think it's coming.

Speaker 1: 29:16

Was it to talk to them? No way. No-transcript.

Speaker 2: 29:23

Oh, dvp protective order yes.

Speaker 1: 29:25

Okay, yes, protective order. Okay, so let's start again. Okay, and number four.

Speaker 2: 29:30

Number four is learning to set additional legal boundaries if needed, like filing a domestic violence protective order, If these patterns of behavior continue. Don't be afraid to do it. Have no shame in your game. You got to protect yourself. Absolutely Okay, and number five, that you can only control yourself.

Speaker 1: 29:51

That's literally the most important.

Speaker 2: 29:53

It is. It is the most important. If that is the only thing that your listeners take from this episode, have it be that you can only control yourself.

Speaker 1: 30:04

So let me ask you this one quick question. You know these are awesome steps. I mean, I can resonate with all of them. And you know, going into this legal system and it's all new to people who've never been in it knowing these steps ahead of time, I would say it would be very beneficial to you, because do the attorneys automatically know these steps and do they share it with you?

Speaker 2: 30:37

No, no, they don't, and they don't share it. They don't know anything about the BIF method. I talked to a family law attorney just about two weeks ago and they asked me to repeat what was that method of communication? Again, I've never heard of that before and they wrote it down and they asked me where they could find a book about it.

Speaker 1: 31:01

Wow.

Speaker 2: 31:02

Okay, and the attorneys are not going to sit there and tell you stop reacting, Don't give them this emotional, you know bait. Don't take it, Don't do it. They're not going to do it and they're not going to follow these steps right. They're going to benefit more from the constant conflict and chaos that's going on because you're paying them by the hour. I hate to be the one that speaks the truth here, but it's the truth.

Speaker 1: 31:36

It is it is yeah, they really that was a trick question. They don't know. I mean, they don't. So, like, if you go in there and you, like I just said, when I was informed about how to write that Bible, my lawyer was like holy shit, whoa, wow, where'd you get this? You know it's so important to be, you know, have some knowledge going into this situation. Don't assume that your lawyer knows everything. Yeah, and there's one other question I want to ask you. So, bridget, as far as you being a coach, like, how could someone utilize you while they're going through the system?

Speaker 2: 32:21

I have worked with clients that have had attorneys and those that don't. I made my way through the family court system on my own as a prosalit against, and so I have used and right now I am still representing myself in family court Wow, you just, you know what you just leveled up in my head.

Speaker 1: 32:45

Holy shit, that is not, that's no joke, like I mean. No, I mean I know you have the background, but you also have to have that stoic demeanor to go through that. That is wow, that's fucking badass.

Speaker 2: 33:01

Well, thank you. Seven years so far, you know? Wow, I'm still standing there.

Speaker 1: 33:09

So they, so they could literally utilize you. I love that fact that. Okay, so if you're on your own, obviously you're going to be very beneficial, but even as if you have your own attorney, I think that's freaking awesome, Like I never even heard that there was a coach like this available during my time. I mean, if I have known that, I probably would have utilized someone like that, because my you know attorneys, like you said, they don't know everything. No, I think that's pretty awesome.

Speaker 2: 33:38

Well, thank you. As a paralegal, I do a lot of drafting of legal documents, so I draft a lot. I've drafted motions to modify, I draft protective orders, I draft declarations with clients. I help them, I give them or I review what they have drafted already. I have a client in the state of Washington.

Speaker 2: 33:56

I have a lot in the state of Washington and this one in particular had has an attorney and he was just an older gentleman, pretty overwhelmed, had a lot of work, and he and I were talking. We had a phone conference a few times and I told him I'm like you know what? I'll draft the motions, I'll draft all these things. You take a look at them. And that's how we coordinated it. So, yeah, yeah, I've been in lots of hearings. I've had a deposition taken of me In another case outside of the DC area. I was I'm a domestic violence advocate, so I've been helping people for several years in this area getting protective orders. There's not been a protective order that has been denied that I've worked on with clients, so that I am very fucking proud of.

Speaker 1: 34:46

Wow, you know I can now see how I mean. First of all, the whole coaching idea. You know, going through this process, I wish there was something like that during my own you know situation. But how beneficial that you I mean you are. You're representing yourself. So let's talk about my God. The amount of knowledge that you have and experience is so extensive. I think that's so awesome. I really do, and now I can see why you know how powerful that is to come into a situation where you have that knowledge and you are there by their side, they're their side, like that's empowering, like you're. You have the lawyer, but then you kind of have that coach there. That's kind of like giving you the ins and outs of the system that's going to be real with you because of the experiences that your own experience.

Speaker 2: 35:40

Yeah, and I'm much more accessible than an attorney is the compliment that I get all the time from my clients. You're like, oh my God I would, I had my attorney for like six months to a year. I could never speak to them. I was like, oh, wow, Well, welcome to the other side.

Speaker 1: 35:57

Welcome to the real. You know. Yeah, that is so awesome. I really love that, bridget. I love that you're doing that. I think, again, I never heard of something like this and the fact that you're also doing this in other states. I think it's so cool that you're reaching out to the masses, so I think you're fucking awesome. With that being said, where can people reach you?

Speaker 2: 36:24

That's a great question. So I am. I am a part of Matt Pfeiffer coaching. I'm a part of Matt Pfeiffer's team. Matt and I work very well together and I have a couple of different options.

Speaker 2: 36:39

I offer a free workshop once a month and we talk about all things high conflict, custody and divorce. It is. I will give you the link so that you can share it with your listeners, but it is the third Tuesday of every single month. They can also find me on TikTok. I have a lot of free information there that I share and then they can book a session with me, a free strategy call, we can chat about their case and we can go forward from there. But every person that I work with, they have full access to me, which is the difference between me and an attorney and I help them with their high conflict communication. I have people that screenshot it to me, send it back to me. How do I respond to this crazy person? Today? I'm like I got you. I got you as I'm drinking my coffee. We were responding to all the narcissists, you know.

Speaker 1: 37:32

Wow so cool.

Speaker 2: 37:33

It's very entertaining to me at this point. Oh my God.

Speaker 1: 37:36

Oh my God. Well, bridget, I really learned a lot today. I didn't know what to expect, like, honestly, like I learned so much from you just talking to you. You're so fun to talk to you, you're so fun to be with. I feel like we're like a soul. We're soul sisters now and he was finally.

Speaker 2: 37:57

Every time I like open up my, my Tik Tok and you're there. I was like Lisa's going to the gym this morning. I need to get up and move my ass.

Speaker 1: 38:07

Well, I'm glad that's working as well.

Speaker 2: 38:10

It is, it's very effective.

Speaker 1: 38:12

I hope that. Well, let me just share that we hope to do a live and talk more about this and really, you know, interact with the audience. So hopefully, you know, when this podcast episode drops, we will set up a time that we can do that and you all can, you know, meet Bridget and, and, and be able to ask questions and see how fucking amazing she is. So, bridget, thank you so much for being a part of this episode.

Speaker 2: 38:38

Yeah, I loved it. Thank you so much for inviting me.

Speaker 1: 38:41

You're welcome, and all the links that Bridget was talking about and where to get ahold of her will be in the episode notes, so be sure to reach out to her if you think that she's going to be beneficial to your situation. And again, bridget, thank you for being a part of the Elago podcast. It's been my pleasure, and thank you everyone for joining us and until next time, bye.