Values-Based Budgeting

Join 3rd Decade Alumni, Rose (she/her) & Nikita (she/her) for a heartfelt conversation around the positive impact that budgeting has had in Rose's life.
As a former "checking-balance-budgeter", Rose shares how building this habit into her life has actually allowed her to think less about money, and has also enabled her to support the causes near to her heart and create a meaningful impact.

For anyone interested in connecting with Rose, you can do so here. 

Transcript

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Nikita 0:00

Hey, third decade community. I'm your host Nikita Wolf, and today I'm joined by one of third decade's alumni Rose Gold. Rose (She/ her) is a 29 year old trans and non-binary artist, dancer, coach, and group facilitator. She cares a lot about emotional intelligence, health and wellness, social justice and spirituality. She enjoys salsa and beata dancing, reading career and trans fiction and cooking plant-based recipes. Today she's joining us to share how budgeting has positively impacted her financial life. Thank you so much for being here with us today, rose. I would love if you started this off maybe by sharing a little about your own financial background and the path that brought you to where you are today.

Rose Gold 0:59

Absolutely. Thanks for having me, Nikita. So, yeah, I grew up in a, I would say like middle class family and really had , uh, a mom and a dad with kind of very different approaches to money and personal finance. On one hand I had a parent who was very like, let's be frugal. We don't, you know, let's not talk about money. Had some more of like shame around money and more like fear of just like, don't spend too much. And then the other parent more of like, let's just go out and spend and more like impulsive spending. And really, budgeting wasn't something like growing up we really talked about much as a family, but we would just say the phrase like, that's not in the budget or <laugh> . Like, we don't have that in the budget, but I'm always like, what is this budget we're referring to <laugh>, it's imaginary budget. So I didn't know much about personal finance and I kind of held onto that as sort of like a victimhood narrative. Like, oh, I, I wasn't taught but my parents and I didn't, you know, no one in school taught us this. And I really sometimes just felt resentful and often just kinda frustrated around capitalism and money and like of course I have my social justice values, but the reality is, is like I really needed to educate myself and take responsibility for my financial wellbeing and really starting to see it as part of my health and wellbeing. Being able to have a healthy relationship with money. Yeah . So I kind of had hit my own rock bottom of just like frustration where I was either impulsively spending or being super frugal. So kind of the ways I had seen growing up and I had just been starting to learn about personal finance through talking to some mentors in my life and reading some books on my own when a friend of mine said, oh my gosh, you have to check out third decade.

Nikita 2:50

That's awesome. I'm so glad that you were one of the lucky people whose friends told you about us. A lot of our Yeah . Program participants are referred by close friends, so that's great. Yeah.

Rose Gold 3:00

Yep .

Nikita 3:01

So then how did you, prior to your time with third decade then how did you manage your finances? Or was it just kind of this loose like, oh yeah, I have a budget, kind of the way that your parents had discussed , uh, an abstract budget.

Rose Gold 3:14

Yeah. So for the vast majority of my life, having money to spend , um, so kind of high school, getting a job at a restaurant like age 16 onward up until, I guess that was probably 25 or 26 coming into third decade, I would say my budget was my checking account Balance <laugh>. Yeah . Meaning I had no budget, I had no breakdown. I really just would keep an eye and I felt like I always kind of knew what the balance was, <laugh> cuz I was worried about money all the time. Right. Yeah . The irony of thinking, oh, I don't wanna think about money, is that I had to think about it all the time and I had to be, and I was worried about it all the time and felt like I didn't have enough money all the time. That's

Nikita 3:58

Such an interesting way of putting that.

Rose Gold 4:00

Yeah. Yeah. I really, someone put it to me that way and it resonated of like, yeah, I really told myself I don't wanna have to think about money or worry about it, but by avoiding it, I, I am thinking about it all the time. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I was gonna say a funny story and I don't know if other people can relate, but a funny thing I laugh at looking back is I once really wanted to buy these pair of shoes, <laugh>, these like fancy designer shoes. I think they were $300, which was like a way bigger purchase than I had ever made. I maybe was a freshman in college and I was in the store in line and I didn't have enough money in my checking account and I didn't have a credit card at the time. So I called my bank like in line to transfer money. Oh my god . From like a very small amount of savings to the checking account. I'm like, hi, it's Rose , it's me. Can you transfer the money from like my local Wells Fargo branch? And I just felt super embarrassed and you know, also looking back it's just like that was sort of the consequences, right? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> of just feeling stressed out and embarrassed , um, but not necessarily working through the shame yet to be like, all right , I just need to learn. I just need to educate myself and, and get better tools like a budget.

Nikita 5:12

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So what was your first experience with the budget? Like then, I guess maybe who introduced you to it? What did that look like?

Rose Gold 5:21

Yeah, so it was actually a mentor in my life just before I came into third decade program who had a similar journey of mine of like just having a lot of fear around money and not knowing much about it. And she had done some of her own work around personal finance and shared just , um, the budget spreadsheet she used in Excel, just a little Excel spreadsheet. And that was my first budget. I literally copied and pasted it from hers and kind of updated the categories and started using it. I would set a time, I made it into a , a weekly routine. So usually Sundays was my day , um, and still is my budget updating day of the week. So I would go in , um, account for all that I had spent that week and tracked it, make sure like I was staying within the budget. Um, it wasn't super higher level and that's what I'll maybe share more of around what I got out a third decade. So meaning this budget was like, I did have separated category of like, this is my need to pay, so my rent and my car payment or car loan gas. And then I had the discretionary spending category and maybe I had a category for savings, but there was nothing yet that was like Roth I array or annualized stuff or separate savings goals or anything like that came later.

Nikita 6:40

Right. So then I guess , um, how did your budget transform once you got a peak into how a third decade recommended looking at budgeting?

Rose Gold 6:48

Yeah, so coming into third decade, and especially with that first discovery meeting with Jennifer, I worked with Jennifer Edwards. I learned this amazing thing called Annualizing <laugh>. It's uh , definitely not something I had ever learned and it was like exactly what I needed cuz I would have these big one-off expenses like once or twice a year, like paying for my car insurance six months in advance and it would be like a thousand dollars all at once or my car registration fee. And so Jennifer taught me how to just break that down into 12 months of the year. Um, and also I think showed me how to break it down by paycheck . So it was really clear like, this is how much money I'm gonna be putting in to an annualized. Um, it's a , it's a savings account I use , um, with my bank I have checking and then I have a savings that's basically all the annualized funds , um, that I have separated in the spreadsheet in my budget. So that really like took my budgeting game from like budgeting 1 0 1 to like definitely 2 0 1 or maybe even 3 0 1. And I felt it actually even freed up a lot of energy for things like clothing or vacations cuz I annualized those as well. Um , that's fun . It wasn't just like, yeah cuz I was like, Ugh , it's not so fun to just put aside $50 a month to pay for my car insurance. But it felt more fun to be like, I'm also setting aside $50 a month for my vacation fund because I would also play a lot of games with myself around money. Like, oh, I don't have the money to go on a vacation, but what I was really saying is, I don't think I'm worth it or , um, you know, I'm afraid of spending the money to go on a vacation and using that as an excuse. So having the money sitting there in the account, and this is like even, you know, right now I still benefit. Like this year I've got money just sitting in my vacation fund and I'm so excited now to plan trips for myself and not have that fear of like, oh, I don't have enough money to do that.

Nikita 8:49

Annualizing my vacation expenses is something that I also do. And yeah , it has totally changed the way I feel when I'm actually on those vacations. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> because I'm not thinking at all about like, oh man, like I just, I feel like when I was in my early twenties before I really honed in on annualizing expenses and on really effectively using a budget, I would just try to keep, like, I feel like our go-to place was always San Diego and I tried to keep it under a thousand bucks and so like any bit that I could squeeze to be like a lesser amount, I was trying to do that. Whereas now it almost feels like permission to spend to some extent.

Rose Gold 9:25

Yeah , exactly.

Nikita 9:26

For instance, like we went to Hawaii , uh, two years ago and it was a beautiful experience where I didn't have to stress because that money was already set aside. I wasn't trying to stay under some crazy low threshold and it was like that money was there and it was like meant to be spent. Um, yeah . Yeah. Cause otherwise it's, it's really hard if , if personally if my vacation funds are not separated from just like normal discretionary funds, I will always convince myself that there's something better to like spend it on. Um Right . So it's, it's good to actually have an account named vacation savings.

Rose Gold 10:02

Yes. 100%. Absolutely. Yeah. I would either do that, like, oh , I'm gonna pinch pennies and I, or just not take the vacation or Right. I would sometimes swing to the opposite side probably because I was repressing so much of what I wanted and I would just go crazy and then not have enough for like my actual needs or, you know, stuff like that.

Nikita 10:23

Yeah, yeah. Totally. So how did you kind of allow your own values to inform what you made your budget look like?

Rose Gold 10:31

One of the greatest, I guess, gifts I've gotten out of really changing my relationship with money has been around how to actually live out my values through the way I use and spend money. And one of my biggest values in life is around social justice and , um, trying to create a more just and kind and loving world. And so in , for example , um, one of the ways I wanted that to show up with my relationship with money and social justice was to make sure that I am giving money every month to organizations that I really care about and believe in. Yeah. So since I started third decade, I've donated once a month , um, to an organization that supports black trans people, like helps with their rent payments and also like gender affirming surgeries and hormones, which is just an issue that I really care about. It's, it's connected to me as a trans non-binary person , um, but also around racial justice. And I just know the person who started this group, it felt personal, but also felt like this is in alignment with my values. Totally . Um , and it's not a really large amount of money, but it , it was important. Like every month I wanna make sure that I'm not just taking in the income I make for myself, but I'm also redistributing that towards the groups and causes that I believe in.

Nikita 11:57

That's awesome. That's such a, a great example of living out value-based spending.

Rose Gold 12:03

Yeah. Thank you. So one was around social justice. I also have a big value around health and wellbeing mm-hmm . <affirmative> . So, you know, whereas some people, like everyone just, we care about different things. So health is super important to me. So I, I spend prob definitely more based on what I looked up for the average like grocery bill for an individual person. I spend more than that cuz I really wanna have, you know, like high quality fresh fruits and vegetables, you know, for my, for my health and wellbeing. So like that's an area where I splurge on my grocery budget , um, where I can relate to that <laugh> . Yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah. Exactly. Whereas like, I don't drink alcohol at all. Right. So like I'm not putting money toward that. Um, I'm not spending on alcohol for example, or I , I don't dine out as much cuz I happen to love cooking. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . So yeah, it just, again, it's like a way of personalizing how I wanna spend my money in the things that I care about.

Nikita 13:00

Yeah. That's awesome. Super cool. So I am curious, you know, did you have any prior assumptions or beliefs around money that you feel like third decades program kind of challenged you

Rose Gold 13:12

On ? Definitely. I mean, the big one I mentioned around my parents, I think just hanging over that whole upbringing for me around money is that at its core, money is evil. Like money's a bad thing. It , it's, it's almost like this necessary evil and it's not something we should be talking about and it's not something to be enjoyed. And, and a lot of, I think just that came from one side of my, well the, the ancestry in my family around being poor and being working class and money being just a source of pain and strife and that's real and like I get it. And, and the effects of pavi are very real. And I again reached this point of like, okay, you know, I can't change the entire world and , and , and how our economy works right now as an individual person, I can't change that. Oh , uh, you know, now or in my lifetime I'm not gonna change it. So how do I want to view money? And coming into the third decade program itself, actually choosing to, to join and show up to classes and work with Jennifer was sort of symbolic right. Aside from the actual learning I got out of it. It was also a symbolic move on my part by choosing to say, Hey, this is important. I recognize that money is just a facet of, it's just a feature of our lives, so I wanna have a healthier and more positive relationship with it. And by joining the program, it was also proving to myself and showing myself that that's, that's what I want. And I was willing to do that.

Nikita 14:48

Yeah. Really well put .

Rose Gold 14:49

The other belief that I got to update and change through the third decade program was learning about this concept of the hedonic treadmill of the more money we start making and the more money I make, the more tempting it is with my lifestyle to keep spending more and more. Yeah. And suddenly, you know, I'm not actually wealthier in the sense that I'm spending more as I make more. And it's just this treadmill effect of continually a bigger house, a nicer car, et cetera, et cetera.

Nikita 15:19

It's also interesting to see how that capacity for humans is there really is no ceiling. It's why you see, yeah. The higher you earn, the more you spend. It doesn't really stop anywhere along the way except for few outliers. It's why people who buy million dollar houses down the road when they can afford the mortgage, buy a $2 million house. And it's like you're just always maxing out what you have. And then I think it can also lead into kind of scary consequences if you're just a normal person and don't have exorbitant amounts of income each year. If you're used to spending, let's say you take home $80,000 a year, if you're used to spending all 80,000 and then a recession hits and now you only have 60,000 available to you, like yeah . Are you going to be able to reduce your spending or have you potentially taken out loans to afford some of those things and now you can no longer afford those payments. So yeah, the hedonic treadmill is definitely , uh, an interesting thing. Once you become aware of it. I feel like you can't unsee the way that it plays out in people's lives. You

Rose Gold 16:21

Can't be Totally, yeah. It was summed up so kind of hilariously, but sadly in a way, in the commercial that we watched in our first third decade, remember that was

Nikita 16:32

Stanley , right? <laugh> ?

Rose Gold 16:33

Um , yeah, Stanley , uh, Stanley , I forgot the name. Yeah. On the, on the big fancy lawnmower. Like, I have all these fancy things, how do I do it? I'm up to my eyeballs in debt. <laugh> , it was hilarious to laugh out loud about wow, that really is a part of our culture of consumerism and more and more, more and keeping up with the Joneses, like yeah . Comparing and, and looking what other people have. And that's definitely something I've experienced and wanted to , um, like I love clothes, I love <laugh> , how I express myself through my clothing. I have to, or not I have to, but I choose to be more mindful of like, am I just buying something more expensive or designer to like project a certain image or is it like actually something I'm really gonna enjoy?

Nikita 17:18

Yeah, totally.

Rose Gold 17:19

Yeah. But around the house, so just in the topic of buying a home, that's also something growing up, you know, I grew up in a nuclear family in a suburb where a lot of people were buying homes and it was in the belief systems I grew up with that. That's just kind of what you do. Like becoming an adult has these milestones and that one of them is buying a house. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . So it was really powerful to come into third decade program and have, you know, a good part of one of our classes just being all about challenging that assumption that everyone needs to be a homeowner, buy a house and really counterbalancing , uh, not to say no one should, but counterbalancing the, the cultural assumption that you should with what are some of the downsides of buying a house and, and where is it really more financially at advantageous to just rent? And I felt like so much more empowered walking outta class that night like, like almost like a weight lifted. Like, oh , I won't be a failure as an adult. Oh if I don't buy a house one day, you know, and that maybe that's not, again, coming back to values, maybe that just won't be a way that I, you know, show up in my values with my relationship with money. Not to make anyone else wrong for buying a house or not buying a house, but it gave me more freedom to say, does this align with my values and what I really want?

Nikita 18:42

Yeah. I feel like so many people our age too, you know, we don't even know where we're gonna be at in five years. So by the societal pressure for, you know, 25 year olds to be buying homes, it can really kind of blow up in their faces if it's not the right choice for them truly. Um, because if they just leap into that cuz it's what they're supposed to do, but then they realize a year and a half later that they actually don't wanna even be in the state then do they sell, you know, all of these things that can just really lead to financial chaos in some ways, I guess. Um, that yeah , were entirely avoidable if, if people had just been a little bit more open-minded and not pressuring others to, it's not a one size fits all approach, so. Yeah. Right. I'm glad that, you know, it's funny, we get that same feedback every quarter from students after class three that, I mean, I get dozens of personalized responses about that weight lifted. Mm-hmm . Um , cuz I think so many of us feel that way if we're not homeowners yet, it's like, oh, we're behind our peers and that's just simply not the case. Yes .

Rose Gold 19:47

Nope.

Nikita 19:47

Well, is there anything else that you'd be interested in sharing with us about, you know, budgeting strategies, how it's impacted you or anything like that?

Rose Gold 19:56

I guess I just have something coming up for me that I wanted to share. And it does touch on social justice. It also in a way touches on spirituality or a deeper gift I think that third decade has to offer and has offered me. I really see around like this long history we have of money , um, as human beings and that oftentimes money is really correlated to power and who has money and who doesn't. And so what I really appreciate the gift I've gotten from third decade was, you know, not only just this amount of money given to me for investing in my retirement fund, but really the, the education and the coaching and the, the support and ongoing coaching around money and improving my relationship and my financial wellbeing. For me, for example, as a trans and non-binary person, I really, really wanna give that to others now that I have that more of that financial resources and going forward as I make more money and I save more and it gives me a lot of inspiration. Like how can I set up , um, my own nonprofit , how can I set up my own scholarship fund for , um, yeah, trans non-binary young people who, who need financial support for all different reasons, just as one example. So it just brings me back to like, you know, life is not that long at the end of the day, like, what's really important to me and being a person of faith and a person who cares about social justice and living in a kinder, more loving world, I see this really beautiful gift that the third decade program embodies, which is really empowering people, especially, I mean, third decade does it around age, we could do it around race, age, gender, sexuality, gender identity, et cetera . Really looking at who needs this education and support the most and, and sharing it so that we can have a more just and loving world. And that, that gives me a lot of energy and excitement even being on the podcast. I'm grateful to get, to share a little bit of my story , um, in the hopes that it may encourage other people or other people can relate and that there can be a spiritual purpose for me around money that changing my relationship with money now gives me an opportunity to be of service in a unique way and help redistribute resources and power so that people can enjoy a more fulfilling life.

Nikita 22:25

I love that . I don't know if you remember the , uh, concentric circle that Bob our founder addresses in class one, but it , um, specifically has, you know, it talks about the ripple effect of financial wellness with the individual ripples out to their friends, to their family, to their community, and then there's an additional circle that pops up as a first generation philanthropist because one of the things Bob talks about is how our, our generation in general has such like a streak of generosity in our hearts that to be able to give back to those causes that are important to us is kind of what we wanna do when we reach that financial wellness. And even while we're on that journey to what financial wellness. So I think it's really great that you're sharing an exact example of how you're, you're doing that. Thank you so much for being here with us today, rose. I appreciate you coming on and kind of sharing openly from your heart how you've used this to really live out , um, a meaningful life to you in sense of spirituality and, and doing what's important to you with your funds. So really appreciate you sharing your perspective.

Rose Gold 23:30

Thank you Nikita. Thank you for having me and for thought lighting. Some of our stories of those clubs who have gone through the

Speaker 3 23:38

Program .