Mastering Self Composure and Situational Awareness - Resiliency - pt 7 - ep 163

Grappling with emotional outbursts or witnessing them in others can be an overwhelming (and rather embarrassing) experience.

Julie shares a compelling story of working with an individual who had frequent emotional outbursts due to an underlying health condition.  His temper tantrums were embarrassing and made recruitment for specialist staff extremely difficult.   

You can master the skill of maintaining self-composure under any circumstance by understanding the role emotional regulation plays in our lives.

We delve into the art of developing resilience through self-composure, urging you to consider possible medical conditions before judging someone's behaviour.

Julie introduces TRIGGERS as a way to improve self-composure and resilience.

As this conversation discusses situational awareness, Julie highlights different ways it plays out. 

Listen in as we provide tips to help you develop and strengthen your own situational awareness and thus resilience, and then how to leverage these skills to make informed decisions, which ultimately lead to career success.

Links to references Julie mentions in this episode.

Struggling to get results from your job advertisements? 
If so, then shining online as a good employer is essential to attracting the types of veterinary professionals who're a perfect cultural fit for your clinic.   

The VetClinicJobs job board is the place to post your next job vacancy - to find out more get in touch with Lizzie at VetClinicJobs

Transcript

Julie South [00:00:04]:

You're listening to the Vetstaff podcast, the place where you, the veterinary professional, can go to get your head screwed on straight so you can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings and be the most fantabulous version of you you can be. I'm your show host, Julie Mouth, and this is episode one six three. Today we're continuing with part seven on developing one of your secret powers, your resilience quotient. Today we're going to be looking at self composure, which is all part of resilience. And that's the importance and the how of keeping cool, calm and collected. Of ensuring that you act like the adult that you are without throwing temper tantrums and acting like your shoe size. Of having a shoe size moment when things start turning pear shaped in your life, at home or at work. So today is self composure, resilience.

Julie South [00:01:14]:

Life works much better when we have it, whether you consider it fortitude. Call it whatever you want, but think of it as a muscle. It's one that lets you flex, bend and bounce forward no matter what life and or work throws at you. For when you have those pear shaped moments in your life, those pear shaped events, it's that gritty grace under pressure and the inner strength that really keeps you steady when the going gets rough. If you've ever wondered what makes some people bounce forward from setbacks stronger than ever before, while others crumble, have tantrums, fall apart, or need medication, then you're in the right place. If you've ever felt just one stressor away from burning out or melting down, then please stay tuned. Because what you're going to learn is that there's a skill and you're going to have tools that you can add to your toolbox to dip into so that you don't have to have those shoe size moments. So please make sure you stay right to the end because I'm going to share another super easy tool that you can add to your resiliency quotient toolbox and you can start using it straight away.

Julie South [00:02:39]:

If you already consider yourself resilient, then think about using it, teaching it to your children as well, because they will benefit just like you will. The VetStaff podcast is proudly powered by VetClinicJobs.com, the new and innovative global Job Board reimagining veterinary recruitment connecting veterinary professionals with clinics that shine online, VetclinicJobs.com is your go to resource for finding the perfect career opportunities and helping vet clinics power up their employer branding game. Visit vetclinicjobs.com today to find vet clinics that shine online so veterinary professionals can find them. Vetclinicjobs.com. The last two weeks, we've looked at Impostor syndrome and added a few tools to your resiliency toolbox. Today's tool, self composure, builds on that. We're looking at triggers today. Now, I'm not sure about you, but if you've ever been around an adult who loses it by having a spectacular shoe size moment, a temper tantrum, a tanty, you'll agree that it's not very pretty to witness.

Julie South [00:04:12]:

Actually, it's somewhat embarrassing. I mean, what do you say to an adult when they're actually acting the size of their shoe, when they're being childlike and not their chronological age? Today we're going to look at ways that you can hopefully avoid having those childlike moments through self composure. Why it's important and how it impacts your ability to bounce forward or not. When you're in the thick of a pear shaped event, a PSE, whether that's at home or at work. Years back, years ago, centuries ago, when I was the practice manager of an Auckland law firm, one of the principals used to chuck the most spectacular tantrums. And these wouldn't happen behind closed doors. Nope. They'd happen in reception, where clients were waiting.

Julie South [00:05:09]:

He would absolutely lose it. And I mean lose it. As you can imagine, staff turnover was astronomical. Fortunately. Or unfortunately, depending on which way you looked at it, attracting clients wasn't that much of a problem because we didn't have that many competitors at the time. But keeping staff, keeping specialist staff was a nightmare. Every time he performed like a child, it was embarrassing. It was very embarrassing.

Julie South [00:05:40]:

It turns out, though, that he had type two diabetes, but didn't know it. When his glucose levels went haywire, so did his personality, with alarming frequency. But when this was diagnosed and he was able to regulate his glucose and then his mood swings, life calmed down. But, boy, infantile shoe size moments in adults is the pits. It's the pits for those who have to witness, live and work with someone like that. I know from personal experience on many fronts, and it's also an equally nightmarish kind of place to be living with someone like that as well. As well as working with someone who has those moments. I can only but imagine what it must be like if you're that person throwing the tantrums and having those shoe size moments yourself.

Julie South [00:06:38]:

Being on the inside must be equally nightmarish. Just for the record, although I'm sure you already know this. Type two diabetes can develop in people who have or who are normal or healthy weights. So if someone you know does have shoe size, moment meltdowns, temper tantrums like this, then maybe, just maybe, suggest that they find out if their glucose is out of whack, because maybe it's the precipitator and they absolutely have no idea. You do that before you tell them to start acting their age and not their shoe size. Now, what do I mean by self composure? Well, self composure refers to your ability to manage your emotions so that you can think clearly and then respond appropriately, even in difficult, stressful situations. Self composure isn't typically classified as a clinical term within the medical or the psychological fields, although it's more commonly used in our everyday language. It describes someone's ability to maintain calmness and control over their emotions and their behavior, particularly when those peershaped events can throw us for a bit of a loop and take us by surprise when life gets somewhat more stressful or challenging than it already is.

Julie South [00:08:09]:

Emotional regulation is a term that's often used in psychology, and it's used to describe the processes by which us humans influence which emotions we have when we have them, how we experience, and then how we express those emotions. But just for the ease of simplicity and to keep things at 30,000Ft in this episode, because I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, we're going to use self composure here. And with self composure, I'm talking about our ability to stay calm under pressure, to keep our emotions under control, and to avoid having those knee jerk reactions, not responses, because responses are sort of controlled things. I'm talking here about reactions. When a challenge, a knee jerk reaction when a challenge hits us or our lives upside of the head when we're self composed. In those times, our thinking is clearer than not. So we're looking for staying calm under pressure. Self composure also helps us humans maintain perspective.

Julie South [00:09:20]:

That means that we can put things into context and take a more balanced view of what's going on. Perspective, coupled with clearer thinking means that our decision making processes and or our ability to stay calm is improved. Selfimposure also means that we're better able to exercise self control. We can regulate our words, our behaviors, and our displays of emotion so we don't have temper tantrums, so that they're socially and situationally appropriate. This means that we have more adult like responses, rather than childlike reactions to what's going on around us. Self composure also means that we are better able to adjust to our thoughts our emotions and or our tactics to fit our ever changing circumstances and situations. With this comes our ability to enable appropriate responses versus reactions to unpredictable and those surprise pear shaped events that we find ourselves being smacked around by from time to time. Hopefully by now that you get that self composure is a critical and a really important component of resiliency because it gives us humans the ability to recover quickly and bounce forward from adverse situations faster.

Julie South [00:10:56]:

Those sticky situations, those situations where resilience needs to step in and we need to step up into being resilient. When we can manage our emotions with finesse and a plum during crises, rather than falling apart, it means that those of us with strong self composure skills are able to problem solve better and with that, get better results, our ability to cope under pressure. It means that we end up with faster resolution to the stuff, the issues, and overall, we have less disruption going on. Now, that has to be a good thing. Surely I'm sure you'd agree with me. I hope you'd agree with me. Because we're able to develop and strengthen our self composure. It means that we're also building our sense of self efficacy, our self confidence, and our personal agency.

Julie South [00:11:53]:

That means that we can better handle challenges, which in turn leads to more resilience when we're in the thick of those pear shaped events that, damn it, somehow manage to show up in our lives with far too frequent regularity at work and at home sometimes. Okay, so hopefully you agree with me that being more self composed, having greater self composure is a good thing. But how do you get more of it? If you've been listening to this podcast for a while now, you'll hopefully know that I'm a great believer of using anagrams to help me remember steps and processes tactics to make things work in my life. So you can't change something if you don't know what's going on. You can't be more self composed if you don't recognize cause and effect. That's correct, right? You can't help your kids or your grandkids become more self composed if they don't recognize cause and effect. Therefore, to grow and improve our self composure, we first need to recognize cause and effect. We need to know what our personal triggers are, because they'll be different for each person.

Julie South [00:13:14]:

What presses my buttons, what triggers me, will be different to what triggers you. Therefore, let's have a look at our triggers. T-R-I-G-G-E-R-S-T take notice. Check the times of the day. Is there a pattern going on here? R record your reactions and your responses. I identify other possibilities, like life stresses and or whether there are interpersonal issues going on. G is for gratitude. G is also for getting outdoors.

Julie South [00:13:49]:

Examine your thoughts. E recognize physical sensations that are going on, and then look at situational awareness. Become aware of yours. Okay, so you might be thinking, well, that's all very pretty, Julie, but how exactly can we use triggers to make a difference in our lives? That's a great question, and I'm so pleased that you asked. Here's how. First, T trigger T. Take notice and look at the times of the day. Maybe, just maybe, you might be like the lawyer I talked about earlier on in this episode.

Julie South [00:14:24]:

No one knew until he was tested that he was type two diabetic. His physiology was affecting his psychology. So when you find yourself losing composure or being less than your best self, start taking notice and seeing whether there are any times or locations where you're more explosive, less composed than other times. Ditto with your kids or your colleagues. We all wear blinkers, and we all have personal blind spots. With compassion, help those you love and respect come out from behind their blinkers. So start taking notice and seeing whether there's any time of the day that is more triggering than others. Then, after you've started taking notice, record your reactions and your responses are record reactions and responses.

Julie South [00:15:21]:

And this can include keeping a personal journal because you've decided to see whether there's any pattern to your loss of composure. And do a quick body scan and record what's going on for you. You've just lost it, or you're about to lose it. What does that feel like? If you have lost it, it will probably feel absolutely mortifying. Or if you're about to lose it, can you feel the pressure building? If possible, notice where and what that feels like? Become aware of your body's reactions and your responses. And then after you've taken note of you've recorded your reactions and responses, then this is the I trigger. I. Then I want you to identify other possibilities.

Julie South [00:16:09]:

What else could be going on for you and or other people involved? For example, are you tired? What are the external factors happening around here? Perhaps even you're so tired, even to the point of exhaustion. Remember, fatigue is cumulative. Are you in a permanent state? Perhaps a dehydration? What identifies something else? What else could be happening? Is your BP unhealthily elevated because you're trying to do a million things? Perhaps you're looking after too many other people. Perhaps. Maybe kids or grandkids. Maybe you're mentoring somebody at work and you just don't have the brainwidth for that. So identify other triggers. What else is going on in your life that could have you teetering on the edge of explosion and loss of composure? You can't change something if you don't know about it.

Julie South [00:17:05]:

So have a look. I heard a concept recently that priests suppose that we, society as a whole, are totally misdiagnosing natural human physiological responses to unnatural situations and then treating them pathologically. For example, the body's natural physiological response to stress in today's unnatural, brightly blue lit, digitally pinging, always on world as anxiety. And then we're treating it with addictive benzodiazepines, the benzodiazepine type meds. We're diagnosing the natural state of being jittery and wired, perhaps from too much caffeine, Red Bull, or other stimulants, as being anxious and then treating it with diazepam. Or we have all this unnatural blue light in our environments from our electronic devices, and we're wondering why we can't sleep, because we're constantly tired. So therefore that gets prescribed Ambien or another sleep med. So, please, I identify other possibilities that could be going on and are you having a natural response to an unnatural situation that's causing you to lose your composure? Your call.

Julie South [00:18:33]:

The G. The first G. Gratitude. Gosh, I've mentioned this so many times on this podcast over the years that I've lost count. Being grateful positively affects and impacts so many areas of your lives, of our lives, of your life. And here's another one, self composure. The more you can incorporate having gratitude and being grateful in your life, the more resilient you'll become. If you're thinking, get real, Julie, it's true.

Julie South [00:19:03]:

There's research to back it up. And if you're interested, go check out the show notes at Forward Slash podcast, because I'll put the research references there for you on that. One way you can include gratitude into your life when you're feeling like you're on the precipice of an explosion, that is, you're about to have a shoe size moment is to take a big, deep breath in, hold it, and then let it go. And then remind yourself that most people have the best of intentions. People don't go to work to deliberately wind each other up. Think of one, two, maybe even three good attributes about the person who's pressing all your buttons right now, or in that situation that you're in where you just want to explode. Quickly reframe something, anything even if you can't think of anything because it's raining outside, acknowledge that you're not outside. Be grateful for that at least.

Julie South [00:20:03]:

You need to practice this often and regularly. Daily, multiple times, every day, so that it becomes a habit for you. G for gratitude. The second G in trigger T-R-I-G-G-E-R is to get outside. Get outside in the fresh air. Give yourself a change of scenery. There's something energizing and grounding in, feeling the wind in your hair and all the sunshine on your face. Provided you're SPF up.

Julie South [00:20:36]:

Sunblocked up, of course. But seriously, get outside. Not only does this give you a change of environment, fresh air is natural. It's natural when compared to the unnaturally air controlled environment of heat pumps and air conditioning units. So please get outside. E is to examine your thoughts. Are you ruminating? Have you got caught up in some story loop in your head? What are you? Or were you thinking at the time that yoU're on the edge of the explosion? If you can't remember, then just hypothetically, imagine what you might have been thinking at the time. Was that thought helpful? Remember what you're looking for here are triggers that press your buttons and trigger a loss in self composure.

Julie South [00:21:27]:

The more you have control over your thoughts that go on in your head, the more composed, and then in turn, the more resilient you'll be. Also, the better example you'll be to your kids, which has to be a good thing, right? Next R is recognize the last R is recognize what's going on. Recognize what's going on in your body. What are you physically feeling? Where's your heart rate sitting? What's your breathing like? Do you want to fight, flight, or freeze? Remember, we're after self composure here, so it's important that you can control your body. Nobody wants to be accused of thumping someone. Shoe sized moments are embarrassing. Don't be that person. Instead, take control of your body.

Julie South [00:22:20]:

Breathe deep and slow, right into your stomach and then through your nose. Relax your muscles. Do a quick head to toe scan. Stretch out and wiggle your fingers and your toes. Stop and recognize the physiological changes that are taking place in your body. Because nobody wants to be the person that others feel like. They have to walk on eggshells all the time. Recognize what's going on in your body.

Julie South [00:22:51]:

And then finally, s situational awareness. If this is the first time that you've heard the term situational awareness, it actually means having the perception and the understanding of your surroundings and your ability as a human and as an adult. To comprehend current situations. That is what's going on right now. It's about having cognizance of the relevant factors, the events and the circumstances that could potentially impact your safety, your decision making and your overall performance. Having situational awareness is crucial in some professional domains, for example in aviation, in military operations, and in emergency responses. And yes, it's even helpful in everyday life situations as well. Having situational awareness having good essay helps us anticipate and respond effectively to changes or threats in our environments.

Julie South [00:23:55]:

People who have good essay means that they are more likely to make better informed decisions and then take the appropriate action. We can all enhance and strengthen our situational awareness skills. I mentioned that one of the places situational awareness is critical is in aviation. My husband's a pilot, so I'm sure he's been instrumental in raising my essay levels over the years. But we won't tell him that he's responsible for that. We'll just pretend that I've always had good essay skills. No, seriously. About 15 or so years ago, Alan and I were heading to Norfolk island in a four seater plane, a small plane.

Julie South [00:24:37]:

Alan and another pilot were in the front while I was keeping the 20 kilo Life Raft Company in the backseat. The life raft had one backseat, I had the other. I was wondering how on earth I was totally outside my comfort zone. I was wondering how on earth at I think we were about 9000ft because you couldn't go to ten, because at ten you needed oxygen. We weren't pressurized. So how on earth I was going to manage to find the strength to get this humongous thing from the back seat into the front seat, where the only one and only door was? In the event of an emergency, my essay for the majority of that three hour or so flight were almost non existent. Whereas for Alan, my husband, it was just another day in the office. For him, Alan's essay is so well developed that he doesn't even realize he's using it anymore.

Julie South [00:25:31]:

He's unconsciously skilled and we can all develop these skills to get our essay to be unconsciously skilled as well, but we need to practice them. So Alan was scanning instruments. He's scanning dials. He's looking at the sky, the horizon and the sea below us for possible threats and possible escape routes. The whole time he knew more or less where we were geographically and what was going on around us. He was keeping an eye out for ships and an ear out for other aircraft on the radios. Because he's done it so many times now, it's natural for him. He doesn't even realize he's doing it.

Julie South [00:26:16]:

Why was he listening for other aircraft? After all, we were flying IFR instrument flight rules, which meant that if we crashed, someone in air traffic control would have a few more forms to fill out afterwards, because they shouldn't have put us on a collision path. It wasn't that he was so much watching out for potential midair collisions, and he was. But no, it wasn't that he was listing so that if we needed help, he had an idea of how far away that help might be, that there might be another aircraft that would know where we were so they could respond hopefully and keep an eye on us until ground or sea rescue arrived. The same for the ships. He was scanning the sea for ships and boats, so that if we had to ditch, he'd do it as close as possible to a ship or a boat as he possibly could bring us down. Hopefully. For me, if either of those two scenarios happened, and thank God they didn't, adrenaline had kicked in and I'd be turned into Superwoman. I'd find the strength to maneuver that 20 kilo life raft.

Julie South [00:27:32]:

That was my backseat buddy Alan's motto. His mantra is panic slowly. He says it often. It helps him with his resilience as well, and it helps him maintain his self composure. So what might situational awareness look like for you? It means that you need to stay alert and be mindful, be aware of what's going on around you, people and environment. This is something that you can do every single day to help improve your resilience as another tool to develop, to sharpen your essay tool as part of your resiliency toolbox. And you do that by keeping your eyes and ears open. You keep also lines of communication open as well.

Julie South [00:28:23]:

Share information so that others know exactly what's going on. With situational awareness, there's no such thing as one and done. It's an ongoing process of staying constantly alert and constantly upping your essay skills. As an example of lack of essay is those people who drive in the fast lane, the right hand lane, along the motorways and expressways, way below the speed limit. They're the ones that don't pull over so that others can pass. They are totally oblivious to the queue of people that's building up behind them. They don't use their wing or their rear vision mirrors. Then they wonder why people who are overtaking them in crazy places out of frustration.

Julie South [00:29:09]:

Or why people sit on their horns when they overtake. It's because they are totally oblivious to their environment. So practice your situational awareness skills on the road as well. And don't be that person. In other words, they're situationally unaware. They're situationally deficient. Don't be that person. Here's the next tool for use in your resiliency toolbox.

Julie South [00:29:38]:

It's to start using Trigger T-R-I-G-G-E-R as often as you can and especially enhance your situational awareness so that you get into the habit. So that when you feel like you're about to have a tanty, a temper tantrum. When you feel like you're about to have an embarrassing shoe size moment, that you're more in control because your self composure skills are high. So what I want you to do out of the trigger T-R-I-G-G-E-R-I want you to practice being more situationally aware 100% of the time. Take notice of everything that's going on around you that will improve your resiliency. It will help you identify triggers more easily. So start playing a game with yourself. Just check of what's going on.

Julie South [00:30:44]:

Stop and take a brief second and just notice what's going on, who is where, what's being said, obviously without overloading your senses. But just build your situational awareness tool because it's a great tool to have on the roads, at home, at work. I hope you found this helpful. If I did, can I ask you to do me a favor? Please? Please help me spread the Vet Staff podcast word by telling three of your friends and colleagues about how this show helps veterinary professionals get their heads screwed on straight so they can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings. If you enjoyed today's episode, then please hit that follow button wherever you're listening to this to right now, and it means that you'll automatically receive next week's episode direct into your audio feed and you won't miss out. Thank you for spending another half an hour or so of your life with me. Tune back in next week and we will add another tool to your resiliency toolbox. This is Julie south signing off and inviting you to go out there and be the most fantabulous and resilient and situationally aware version of you you can be, and that you can screw your head on straight and you can start getting excited about going to work on Monday mornings.

Julie South [00:32:27]:

The VetStaff Podcast is proudly powered by VetClinicJobs.com, the new and innovative global Job Board reimagining veterinary recruitment, connecting veterinary professionals with clinics that shine online. VetclinicJobs.com is your Goto resource for finding the perfect career opportunities and helping vet clinics power up their employer branding game. Visit@Vetclinicjobs.com today to find vet clinics that shine online so veterinary professionals can find them. Vetclinicjobs.com.