Embark on a quest for equilibrium in the bustling world of veterinary medicine, where work-life harmony isn't just an aspiration—it IS an achievable reality.
You and your guide - Resilience Coach, Julie South - together look at the unspoken nuances of setting personal boundaries and the finesse required to communicate them with both confidence and charm to those who'll be affected.
This episode shows you the first step on the map to aligning your deepest values with your career without compromising your mental, physical, spiritual or financial health and well-being. It's about embracing the unique dance of work and life as you define it, right here, right now, in your veterinary life.
Through the lens of this four part Work Life Harmony series, you'll gain strategies to nurture a resilient, positive mindset that's more than the mere act of juggling tasks.
Today we look at helping you:
- Define your limits & boundaries
- How to communicate those to the people who need to know, and then
- Managing any push back you may encounter with confidence and charm
So stay tuned because your host Julie South walks you through the framework of how to word your personal boundary statement in a powerful, non-manipulative way, that makes it hard for people to pushback.
Today's episode is definitely for you - if:
- you’re a people pleaser
- you’re feeling a bit frazzled around the edges, and
- you’re contemplating quitting the veterinary sector altogether
VetStaffleading veterinary sector recruitment in New Zealand | veterinarians | locums | nurses
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About DISC-Flow®
DISC is a research-backed and science-based personality profiling tool used to understand our behaviours, communication styles, and work preferences. It’s about understanding what makes you – and the people you work with – tick.
Julie South is a DISC Flow® Certified Trainer, who describes DISC-Flow® profiling as being like having a cheat sheet to better understand yourself and other people. When you know this, it helps you play to your personality strengths, work better in teams, and communicate better.
If you’re keen to find out what your personal DISC type is, what type of leader you are, or what your clinic’s team composition looks like, then get in touch with Julie to find out what's involved.
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Julie South [00:00:03]:
You're listening to the Vet staff podcast, the place where you, the veterinary professional, can go to get your head screwed on straight so you can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings and be the most fantabulous, resilient version of you you can be. I'm your show host, Julie south, and this is episode one seven one. Welcome. Welcome to the first of four episodes 100% dedicated to helping veterinary professionals take the proactive steps towards attaining the work life harmony that you really, really want, that you desire, that you dream about. Today we're going to look at helping you define your limits and boundaries, how to communicate those to the people who need to know, and then managing any pushback you may get in result with confidence and charm. So stay tuned because I'm going to walk you through the framework of how to word your personal boundary statement in a powerful, non manipulative way that makes it hard for people to push back. If you're a people pleaser, this episode is definitely for you. If you're feeling a bit frazzled around the edges, this also is for you.
Julie South [00:01:33]:
And if you're contemplating quitting the veterinary sector altogether, then this is for you as well. The Vetstaff podcast is proudly powered by vetclinicjobs.com, the new and innovative global job board reimagining veterinary recruitment, connecting veterinary professionals with clinics that shine online vetclinicjobs.com is your Goto resource for finding the perfect career opportunities and helping vet clinics power up their employer branding game. Visit vetclinicjobs.com today to find vet clinics that shine online so veterinary professionals can find them. Vetclinicjobs.com Work life Harmony what exactly does that mean or even look like? The answer to that is, it depends, because it's not a one size fits all kind of thing. So what's the actual definition of work life harmony? Well, as it turns out, there's no one single, universally agreed, agreed upon definition of work life harmony, which is probably no surprise, however, in saying that it does generally refer to achieving and having a healthy, sustainable balance between your professional responsibilities and your personal life. In a nutshell, the key concepts that it covers that are under its scope include having work life integration. And this is when you can blend your work and personal activities and needs in a complementary way that works for you. Even before the pandemic where work from home really blurred the lines of work and home, we were starting to see a blend, an integration of work and home, rather than the rigid separation that was most definitive, say ten or 15 years ago.
Julie South [00:03:49]:
So work life integration is one aspect of it. Equilibrium is also when everything is in harmony. It means that you're able to maintain an overall equilibrium across all the domains of your work, your family, your relationships, and your health. Rather than allowing any one of those areas to consistently and disproportionately dominate and throw out of whack or out of sync the others, then we have the alignment of values. I've talked about values often lots. Especially check out episode 160, where there's a download for you to work out your values if you're still unsure of what they might be for you. Having harmony means that you ensure that your career path and your work obligations enable and empower your core values and priorities rather than create conflict. Then we have role fulfillment.
Julie South [00:04:53]:
And this means that you have and you experience satisfaction and meaning across the roles that you have in your life. And these include, for example, being the veterinary professional that you are. Maybe you're a parent, maybe you're a spouse, maybe you're a caregiver to your own parents. You could be a sports person. And then there's all the other important hats that you wear. Instead of feeling compromised, overburdened, and even burnt out, then we have health and well being. This probably doesn't come as any surprise. It means that your life supports the different components of having positive physical, emotional, spiritual, and social health because you have self care as a priority, you take self care as a priority, and you can achieve this with sustainable schedules that span both work and home.
Julie South [00:05:55]:
As you can hopefully hear, the overarching focus is on harmony, enabling your work and your life rhythms to fit and play nicely all together, rather than always competing for your attention or time against each other. It's all about having holistic wellness, fulfillment and purpose across all of your life's different domains. In practice, work life harmony is highly personalized because it's based on your individual values, your values, your context, and your season in life today. Therefore, this episode to have relevance, impact, and or bring about change in your life, you have to be clear on what work life harmony looks like for you at your stage of professionals development and in your current season of life. Because until you get clear on what that looks like, you won't know whether you've got it. And you'll always be measuring and comparing what you've got with possibly the unachievable perfect Instagram definition of life. I think most veterinary professionals will agree with me that one of the biggest factors at play in a veterinary professional's life in your life. Is what's seen as unrealistic expectations.
Julie South [00:07:25]:
Of managers, owners, clients. And dare I say it, perhaps of you. That you yourself have unrealistic expectations as well. In saying this, when it comes to clinics. I know that there are some great clinics out there. And some great managers in not so great clinics. And great clinics with not so great managers. And sadly, that in some clinics.
Julie South [00:07:52]:
Total dysfunction prevails across all levels. That there are some great managers who have regretted a hiring decision they've made. Which has ended up with having someone on their team who's just not a good fit. No matter which angle you look at the hiring decision from. I also know that there are some veterinary professionals. Who only seem to be able to focus on what didn't work in their life. And then apply at carte blanche. Across the entire industry.
Julie South [00:08:22]:
The entire sector. For the record, I believe that the veterinary industry. The veterinary sector. Is a great place to work. I don't succumb to the belief that just because it might not be working for you where you are right now. That that automatically means it's time for you to find another career. Instead, I believe it's time for you to find another clinic. Especially if you still have the dream inside of you.
Julie South [00:08:52]:
Of making a difference in your patients lives. If, however, you think that you chose the wrong career. That's a whole nother story. However, dare I say it. It's more likely that the career you've chosen isn't the problem. It's more likely it's the clinic you're working at. That is. Please don't abandon your profession and your passion because of a toxic environment.
Julie South [00:09:19]:
Instead, find a clinic that reignites that fire within you. Now, having got all of that off my chest. Let's now see and look at how you can achieve some work life harmony in your life. Let's start off with defining your limits and your boundaries. Here's what you need to do to start that process off. Self reflection. You can only get clear on what truly matters to you. What your priorities and values are.
Julie South [00:09:55]:
What makes you feel energized versus drained. You need to get clear on those. This self awareness is key for knowing where you need to set your boundaries. You can't skip this step. Sorry. You have to self reflect. You need to know your limits. You need to get very honest with yourself.
Julie South [00:10:17]:
About what your mental, emotional, physical limits look like. When it comes to your workload and stress levels. If you have no idea, then start tracking. When you begin to feel overwhelmed or overextended. Those are signals you need to set boundaries on and in. If you're a people pleaser, then you need to know which people you tend to please most often. And then really importantly, why you need to identify your needs, determine what specific needs of yours aren't being met. Otherwise you wouldn't need to be setting boundaries.
Julie South [00:10:59]:
It could be around sleep and rest, different happy places that you have, for example, your creative outlets, important and critical connection with those whom you love. One need I think that many people overlook here also is financial needs. It's all well and good. Telling yourself that you deserve or you should or you are entitled to a 30 hours week. That's great, provided you can live on the income that comes with that 30 hours week. Working four days is fine again, provided you can afford to live on four days of pay. And yes, it'd be absolutely wonderful if we could all get paid for five days and work only four. But I think we all know that a lot needs to happen in this sector around salaries and fees and clinic profitability for that to be achievable, at least in the short term.
Julie South [00:11:57]:
So make sure, please, you know what your needs are, what needs need to be met for you to feel like you've got work, life, harmony and start small set with just one or two clear limits that line up with your identified and your prioritized needs. Once you've established those, you can build from there. I know you're more likely an overachiever, but please, on this one, just start small. There's another reason for me asking that apart from setting you up for success, it's because the more you experience success and wins in your life, the greater your sense of self efficacy. And if you listen to the series on how to strengthen your resilience, which I've just finished, you'll know that self efficacy is critical to your resilience. Then communicate proactively. When you're proactive, you start the conversation. In communicating your needs, be polite but direct in talking about the types of requests or the behaviors that go beyond your limits to others.
Julie South [00:13:11]:
If you wait until you hit a breaking point or you start to get resentful or cynical, you'll find it so much harder to do then it's far easier. When you're communicating from a position of strength, it makes sense, right? So be in a position of strength and don't let that resentment or that frazzled to the max exhaustion. Step in. Be proactive. Start from a place of strength. You need to reflect and adjust. Remember to course correct regularly, and this means checking in with yourself every now and again. It could be annually.
Julie South [00:13:48]:
It could be six monthly at the beginning of summer and the beginning of winter, perhaps, or daylight savings. Start and finish. Put markers in your diary to remind yourself to reassess and reflect on whether your boundaries are still working for you or do you need to tweak and adjust? Our lives change. Sometimes events happen in our lives which we didn't plan. For example, it could be a serious illness with us or with someone we love. When something like this happens, boundaries need to be adjusted as well. The secret key is about being very intentional, about safeguarding your precious time, your valuable energy, those priorities most essential for your well being. This happens through proactive limit setting by you.
Julie South [00:14:39]:
Get clear, start small, be consistent, communicate clearly, reflect regularly, and leave room to course correct and adapt as required. So you've just heard how you can start defining your limits and boundaries. But how do you work out what's important to you so that the boundaries you want to actually set make a difference and are meaningful to you? Those are great questions and I'm so pleased that you asked. Here are some self reflection questions that you can ask yourself to help you determine what's important to you in your life at this point in time in relation to your values and priorities. Ask yourself, what activities make me feel most alive and energized? When do you feel you're most genuine and your real self, to use a much hackneyed word, authentic? When do you feel you are most authentic? What principles guide my decision making? What's your personal code for how to treat others? Do you even have a personal code of conduct? Or are you so much a people pleaser that everyone else defines it for you? And it changes depending on who you're pleasing at any given time. If I could design my ideal way, what would it look like? What would it contain? What would give you your life a sense of meaning and or joy? Who do I want invest my time and energy with? Which relationships are non negotiable priorities? If you fast forwarded your life by, say, 10, 20, 30, maybe 50 years, depending on how old you are right now, listening to this, which people will you be the most regretful sad about for not prioritizing in your life today? So who do you want to invest the most time with and energy with? Now let's look about how to questions that will help you with your needs assessment. What self care practices make you feel grounded and supported? I'm sure you don't need me to outline what self care looks like. You're intelligent, you know this already.
Julie South [00:17:11]:
What's important is for you to know. Which of those do you tend to neglect when your stress and the impact that that has? Are you feeling overextended in any areas of your work or your life right now? Where do you feel drained or overwhelmed? Where are you burning the candle at both ends? What have you said yes to too many times? Are there activities that you do out of obligation or guilt rather than fulfillment? What could you delegate or say no to? Hello people pleasers. This one is especially for you. You need to learn to say no more often. What small I'll just repeat that question too. What activities are there that you do out of obligation or guilt rather than fulfillment? Okay, next question. What small daily actions help you reconnect to your purpose? Fill you with energy and vitality? Note the operative words here are small and daily actions. You need to do something here for it to make any difference.
Julie South [00:18:22]:
When you ask yourself questions like these, it helps give you clarity on your true north principles. Pinpoint areas of your life needing better, stronger boundaries and then you can start taking steps towards improving your health, physical, mental and spiritual through conscious conscious is the word. Take control through conscious self care practices and activities. Do this regularly. Like I said before, make a diary note, you need to self correct, self assess. Maybe when daylight saving starts or finishes. Just like you check your smoke detector in your home at that time. Hopefully put it on your calendar as a regular six monthly activity or a reminder.
Julie South [00:19:13]:
When you regularly check in with yourself, you can notice any course corrections necessary. You can stay aligned with what matters to you before you find yourself way off course. So do it regularly and often. Now let's look at how you can communicate the changes you want to make about implementing personal boundaries, especially if you have people in your life, at home or at work, who may want to push back because they'll be affected and maybe impacted. Firstly, always use I statements when you frame your requests and your statements around your own needs and experiences. What that does is it helps reduce the opportunity for others to get defensive. For example, I need to leave work at six for my health versus you're overworking me. Do it when you feel your best, and that means making sure that under self care is getting a good night's sleep.
Julie South [00:20:26]:
You also need to stay calm and firm as well as doing it when you're well rested. Have these conversations when you feel centered and grounded, you'll know what that feels like for you. Remember to stick to the facts without getting confrontational or apologetic. People pleasers. You don't need to apologize. Staying calm and firm will help enforce and reinforce that you mean what you're talking about and give advance notice, just as making sure you do this when you're well rested. Also, make sure that you set yourself up for success by planning ahead. Springing sudden requests out of nowhere could result in people resisting and acting from a space of stress or pressure themselves.
Julie South [00:21:12]:
Give them the heads up that your approach is changing and empathy is required. Let the other person or persons know you understand how it could be for them. Empathize with their position while still reinforcing what you want, need or require. How you say what you're going to say is important is critical. So here's a formula that works. You start off with leading what you want, and then you follow up with your empathy statement, and then you set your boundary. Think of web we've got the what plus the empathy plus the boundary. Here's what that might look like.
Julie South [00:21:59]:
I know you understand I can't compromise my health and sleep to keep working. That's the current hot your business needs are understandable. That's your empathy statement. And non negotiable for me is upholding this personal well being boundary. That's your boundary statement. I'll just say it again so you can hear it in its entirety. I know you understand I can't compromise my health and sleep to keep working. Your business needs are understandable and nonnegotiable for me is upholding this personal wellbeing boundary.
Julie South [00:22:42]:
When you use this formula, you start with a positive bridge building tone by stating, by invoking their empathy and their capacity to relate to your position up front. So that's the what and the want. This makes it harder for the other person to then protest or resist the boundary that you're asserting, which is compromising your health and sleep. In this case, you also want to use and when bridging their needs and your needs, it's likely that you'll want to use but instead. So rather than using and you will probably want to use but please resist this though, because when you use but it negates whatever precedes it. In this case, it's both their assumed understanding and your requirement to look after your well being. So you want to use and please where possible, practice replacing but with and because you can have that in a statement. It's a powerful statement, it's a powerful formula, and you can use this framework for whatever you want.
Julie South [00:23:58]:
Now, I'm not guaranteeing that you'll be successful because there are human beings involved and some human beings as you know, are totally unpredictable. Also, in saying this, you need to make sure that your tone is genuine and respectful, because if you introduce sarcasm or load it with an undercurrent of obligation or accusation, then you border on being passive aggressive. For example, if you say it through gritted teeth, I know you understand I can't compromise my health kind of changes the whole tone of it. However, when you do state it plainly and genuinely, I know you understand I can't compromise my health. It affirms mutual good intent before making your very reasonable boundary clear to them. When you're genuine, it's also more preemptively empathetic than confrontational. Also, when you state your nonnegotiable boundary first, in this case your health and well being, in our example, it was health and well being before recognizing their considerations, which is the clinic's business needs. It's a good way for identifying both your clarity and your firm intent.
Julie South [00:25:21]:
This way, the hierarchy is clear, your self care limit comes first, and you do recognize their perspective. Stating your needs in this web way, the want and the what empathy and then boundary gives your boundary the weight and the precedence it deserves, whilst still enabling you to communicate in a powerful and a very empathetic way. Feeling comfortable and powerful doing this probably won't happen straight away. It's a process. Here are some things to keep in mind. Avoid justifying excessively to quote Queen Gertrude to Prince Hamlet, the lady doth protests too much, methinks. When we're unsure of ourselves or trying to defend our position, we can overjustify. Excessive justification weakens your statement over justification opens you up to then getting dragged into goes nowhere.
Julie South [00:26:31]:
Back and forth justification. Stay away from that. As Karen humans we tend to want to justify why we are asking for something, especially people pleasers, because it'll be hard for you if you are a people pleaser to put yourself first. The chances are high you don't even need to justify your position at all. Consider it a process. Keep in mind that people adjust to different things at different speeds. Some people can't adjust to any type of change. If this is the case, gently but consistently uphold your boundary until it sticks and you need to follow through on consequences without giving ultimatums.
Julie South [00:27:15]:
If when someone keeps disrespecting and or abusing your boundary, follow through on whatever predefined consequences you said would happen. This could be something simple, like calling the end to a conversation that's starting to get heated, or leaving a situation totally. It may mean finding another job or even another relationship, but only do that if boundaries are being abused, not as an ultimatum, there's a huge difference. Stay confident. You need to absolutely believe you deserve to set healthy limits, that you are worthy of those healthy limits without having any shame or doubt. People pleasers will find this hard, because for you, it's all about the other person. This time, though, you need to stay confident and believe that when you're talking about non negotiable, it's all about you. It's what you want.
Julie South [00:28:14]:
And then, of course, expect pushback. Unfortunately, you just might receive it when you're changing the status quo. It's going to impact others. Expect some kind of pushback. When you're prepared, though, like we've just talked about here, you stand a greater chance of achieving what you want than if you think everything is going to be plain sailing. So plan for the worst and expect the best. Okay, Julie, that's all well and good. You might be thinking, but you've just talked about pushing back.
Julie South [00:28:52]:
And what if what when somebody pushes back, then what? Great question. Here are some ways you need to listen and validate. Start by truly hearing them out and validating that little bit of truth, the kernel of truth in their concern. Show you take their perspective seriously before countering it. Find common ground. Acknowledge values, interests or priorities that you share with them around the issue and then build on that shared foundation. Be direct, but deft clearly. Restate your position or your boundary with warmth and finesse.
Julie South [00:29:35]:
Stick to the facts without any accusation. An inject humor, a well paced, witty or self deprecating remark can ease tension fast, and also humor reveals confidence. And you need to project poise. Stay centered and unflappable, even if, and even when the other person gets emotional. Remaining calm speaks volumes about your capability and appreciate their passion. Respect their strong feelings about this passion often comes from care, so see the positive intent with that. And if you need to compromise where possible. If some flexibility works for you, offer to use it to diffuse things and to find middle ground and then circle back.
Julie South [00:30:29]:
If talks get if the conversation gets very tense or it gets circular, you just keep coming back to the same thing over thing over thing over thing, again and again and again. Suggest politely tabling it for now, parking it for now, and revisiting at an agreed time with fresh eyes later. Essentially, you need to lead with empathy, speak with power, get creative and stand firm with poise and calm. When you meet the other person's emotion calmly, with gumption, and with a strong yet fern backbone, it means that you can navigate pushback far more smoothly and confidently. I hope you found this segment, this first segment on the work life balance Harmony series helpful as a way to keep or to get your head screwed on straight. Strengthen your resilience and be excited about going to work on Monday mornings again. If you like the Vetstaff podcast and find it helpful, can I ask you to do me a favor please? Could you help spread the word, the Vetstaff podcast word by telling three of your friends and colleagues about how this show helps veterinary professionals get their heads screwed on straight and build their resilience so they can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings. Thank you.
Julie South [00:31:55]:
If you did enjoy today's episode, then please make sure you've hit that follow button wherever you're listening to this right now, because it means that you'll automatically receive next week's episode direct into your audio feed so you won't miss out. I look forward to spending time with you again next week where we'll be continuing this work life Harmony series. And next week we're going to look at managing expectations and negotiating deadlines and duties. So remember to hit that follow button and it will help make your 2024 your year for having work life harmony by setting and managing expectations and negotiating deadlines. Until then, this is Julie south signing off from episode one seven one and inviting you to go out there and be the most fantabulous and resilient version of you you can be by screwing your head on straight, being more resilient, and getting excited about going to work on Monday mornings.
