039 - EQ - Emotional Intelligence - 12 statements low EQ people make

Today we’re looking at emotional intelligence (EQ) and how essential having a high EQ score is to your professional and personal success and development.

In today’s workplace - workplace performance and career success, and even employee health, which were once thought to be a function of someone’s IQ – or intelligence quotient - are, in fact, tied in with EQ – or someone’s emotional intelligence.

If you’re unfamiliar with EQ - it’s each person’s ability to recognise, understand, and manage their emotions and those of others. The emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ) is the measure of that ability.

That’s what today’s podcast is all about.   Developing and improving your EQ will not only help your personal relationships and life but will also dramatically improve your professional life as well.   

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About DISC-Flow®
DISC is a research-backed and science-based personality profiling tool used to understand our behaviours, communication styles, and work preferences. It’s about understanding what makes you – and the people you work with – tick.

Julie South is a DISC Flow® Certified Trainer, who describes DISC-Flow® profiling as being like having a cheat sheet to better understand yourself and other people. When you know this, it helps you play to your personality strengths, work better in teams, and communicate better.

If you’re keen to find out what your personal DISC type is, what type of leader you are, or what your clinic’s team composition looks like, then get in touch with Julie to find out what's involved.

How to get more bang for your recruitment advertising buck
This is what VetStaff is really good at so if you'd like to stretch your recruitment dollar, please get in touch with Julie because this is something VetStaff can help you with.

How to shine online as a good employer
If you’d like to shine online as a good employer to attract the types of veterinary professionals who're a perfect cultural fit for your clinic please get in touch with Julie because thi...

Transcript

Julie South: 0:06

welcome to episode 39 of paws claws, and wet noses, the veterinary sector podcast, celebrating all creatures great and small, and the fantabulous professionals who look after them. I'm your show host Julie South. Today, we're looking at emotional intelligence and how essential having a high EQ score is to your professional and personal success. Intoday's workplace, workplace performance and career success. And even employee health were once thought to be the function of someone's IQ or intelligence quotient. In fact, they are tied to eat. Or someone's emotional intelligence. If you're unfamiliar with EQ it's each person's ability to yours and mine to recognize, understand and manage our emotions. And those of ours, the emotional intelligence quotient, w E Q is the measure of that ability. That's what today's podcast is all about. Developing and approving your IQ will not only help your personal relationships in life, but what also dramatically improve your professional life as well. Today, we're looking at what is. And then 12 different phrases that people with poorly developed EEQ use. So you can watch out for them and the games that they might play. An old vet told my father when he was a student in Glasgow. He said, if you want to be a success in veterinary practice, Just keep the bowels open and just arrested.

Bryan Gregor: 1:52

God. Nutrition is not an opinion. It's a science. They called me that weird herbal needle. That, and I, I just remember thinking, well, I'm still gonna do it cause I know it works. And I've got the research to back it from reminiscences of the real James Harriet son to Pitt nutrition, to acupuncture the big podcast, discusses current animal health issues from around the world. I'm visionary and Brian greeter from New Zealand, just search for the fit podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts from

Julie South: 2:26

claws and wet noses is sponsored by vet staff. If you've never heard of it, staff it's new, Zealand's only full service recruitment agency. 100% dedicated to the veterinary sector. Fit's staff has been around since 2015 and works nationwide from Kate Riga to the Bluffs. And everywhere in between as well as helping Kiwis fit staff also hubs overseas, qualified veterinarians find work and Arturo and New Zealand fit staff.co dot indeed. Social intelligence takes its root and Charles Darwin's work, which states that emotional expression is prerequisite for when survivors. It's been expanded on and research since Darwin by others. The term emotional intelligence was created originally by two researchers, Peter, sorry, LaVoy and John Mayer and their article, emotional intelligence and the journal imagination, cognition and personality back in 1980. E Q or emotional intelligence was later popularized by Daniel Goldman in his book, emotional intelligence, which he wrote in 1996. You'll hear more from Daniel Goleman next week. So if you haven't yet clicked the follow button on your favorite podcast platform, be sure to do so to make sure that you're never miss out on paws, claws and wet noses showing up in your podcast. Following a podcast is free, which means it doesn't cost you a cent. But back to emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence involves a mix of several competencies that help us become aware and have control of our emotions and our behavior. This explains why the most successful people in the workplace are those with high emotional intelligence. Eight Q is founded on two broad competencies, personal competence and social competence combined. These broad competencies provide the required skillset for managing ourselves and others. Effectively. Personal competencies equip us as individuals with the skills to manage ourselves. These skills include self-awareness self-regulation and self-motivation. Looking at these one by one self awareness, as one of the pillars of emotional intelligence, being able to identify our own and others' strengths, weaknesses, emotions, and intuition gives a sense of clarity and ensures good decision-making and provides each of us with our own individual scenes of words. Regardless of your academic degrees or fund of knowledge on all things veterinary in your clinic, a poor sense of self-awareness will impair your ability to thrive and succeed in your clinic. Maybe, you know, some people, people that have alphabet spaghetti or alpha whole alphabet. Yeah. After the name with the degrees and post-grad degrees or more degrees, but yeah. They can't thrive socially accurate recognition of your emotions and thought processes forms a strong basis for building on your strengths and capabilities to make smart decisions. Self regulation is also a by-product of self-awareness. Self-regulation as a skill that helps you manage your disruptive emotions. Those like anger and frustration, manage stress appropriately become more adaptable and flexible and open to innovative thoughts and approaches. In other words, self regulation is your ability to influence your thoughts and emotions to become more efficient and productive. People who are better at self-regulating are better equipped, emotionally to handle stressful situations. You'll be better at accepting failure and moving forward. You'll also be able to hold off a reflex emotional response to a stressor until later. In other words, you'll be able to hold off your anger and frustration in one hand and get on with doing the job with the. It won't be you having the two year old temper tantrums, just because something doesn't go your way. This is completely different to burying people with high E cues, don't bury their emotions. They manage them appropriately, even the frustrating and even the frustration and the anger. Their ability to restrain comes from understanding that immediately response to a stress or as often negative and irrational and inhibiting a reflex reaction at that time often allows them to rethink and express their response in a mature and positive way. People who respond to situations like kids have yet to master the art of self regulation. They have temper tantrums. They don't count to 10. If you can hear that noise in the background right now at rain self-motivation is one of the key principles of a cue self-motivation is the force that keeps pushing you to go on. It's your internal drive to achieve, produce, develop, and keep moving forward. When you think you're ready to quit something, or you just don't know how to start yourself. Motivation is what pushes you to continue and intrinsic drive to achieve your goals as a critical factor in workplace success. If you're intrinsically motivated, you do something without any obvious external reward. You do it because it's enjoyable and interesting rather than because of an outside incentive or pressure such as a reward or a deadline. If you're intrinsically motivated, you're more likely to be optimistic about your success, more committed individual and shared goals, but able to recognize and use opportunities. And you're more likely to take initiative and make smart decisions in reaching your goals. People with these competencies sound like great people to have on your team. And you probably know of some of those social competencies are the skills that help us manage our relationships effectively. Being socially competent is critical to professional success. Employees with high EEQ are better able to create a productive work environment. Those social skills include intuition, empathy, and social responsibility. Intuition refers to the ability to understand others feelings and perspectives at your ability to pick up emotional cues of others and to recognize the basis for someone else's behavior. If your intuition as well developed, you're better equipped to understand your and your clients and colleagues needs help others recognize and boost their strengths and create a better work environment. By leveraging diversity. Empathy is a clear sign of emotional intelligence, and this is the corollary to self-worth and being intuitive. Valuing yourself and recognizing your sense of self-worth reflects on how you value others. I'm sure you know the saying in order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. And that's where empathy comes into play here, recognizing and valuing other people's needs and concerns as fundamental to creating a thriving veterinary clinic investment. When you have a well-developed sense of your own worth, you're more likely to promote mutual respect and compassion toward your colleagues and encourage the individual and professional growth. If you have a strong sense of social responsibility, you'll be one of those people who help create an adeptness to motivate others, to have desirable behaviors as well. When you had this skill, you'll have influencing tactics that inspire others to want to be and perform better. You'll be one of those individuals where people on your team are self motivated to always want to step up around you at your clinic. You'll be seen as a change catalyst, someone who inspires and motivates others to be the best they can be. People who are like, this are also better able to handle and resolve conflict involving themselves or between others because of their commitment to the shared vision, emotionally intelligent people build bonds and foster collaboration between coworkers supporting and inspiring everyone to achieve common goals. If this is you, you're likely to be more open to other people's ideas and less likely to be boss. When it comes to staff selection, most clinics, I work with tend to use a job applicant, educational attainment, work experience, and a knowledge base as their selection criteria during recruitment. This means that they generally have little consideration for how the individual relations. Others or how they're handled stress and failure. For instance, whilst qualifications, especially in the veterinary sector, as veterinarians are critical. So two is having well developed emotional intelligence. If you don't factor each cue into your selection process, I'd like to encourage you to do so as there a studies confirming the link between high ETQ and excellent work performance. For example, a fortune 500 company had prioritized personality assessment tests for selecting candidates for many years, despite the high turnover in it sales department, after incorporating emotional intelligence based criteria to the recruitment process and emotional intelligence training for its staff, it recorded an increase in annual profit by about 32 million us dollars. With a 67% retention of staff in the first year. This has because high E Q work environments usually have highly engaged employees, low EEQ environments. On the other hand, breed employee burnout, reduced productivity and high churn or staff. Another study conducted by a company in Dallas and the U S to compare the productivity levels between employees with low EQs. And those with high IQ discovered that workers with high emotional intelligence were 20 times more productive than those with low scores. If you're interested and enhancing and developing your emotional intelligence, the university of Auckland has a two day online course entitled emotional leadership, engaged leadership because emotional intelligence helps leaders become people smart and to use practical tools to inspire better results at all levels. That's the blurb. The program is to one day virtual world shot workshops held approximately one week apart right now at the university of Auckland as taking expressions of interest. And you can find more info@dubdubdubexecdotauckland.ac.in Zed forward slash short hyphen courses. I'll put the link. On the show notes page at pours claws with noses dot F M emotional intelligence is touted as the single best predictor of the success of an organization across all levels. Regardless of the academic portfolio of perspective, employees, chances are that without a high EEQ, their performances will stall and negatively impact the bottom line. Principals HR and practice managers should therefore, I believe life, according to Julie, rethink their recruitment and workplace culture, and start looking for team members that have the necessary academic qualifications, but also with high EQ IQ to optimize results and help improve your clinic's bottom line. So that's a quick overview of emotional intensity. And it's still raining. What I want to do now is share the 12 phrases, emotionally intelligent people do not use. I'm not normally into don't type phrasiology I'd far rather have something worded in the positive than the negative. But anyway, I wanted to share this exert I found for you on emotional, intimate. And that's where Dr. Les Carter, a best selling author and psychotherapist who hails from Texas in the US as you hear from his real slow voice, she is 12 phrases to listen out for, because there are sure-fire signs of someone's. EEQ not being particularly well-developed. He explains some of the basic psychology behind these statements as well.

Les Carter: 16:50

I want to talk with you today about a dozen, 12 different kinds of comments that people might make when they have low E. And, and I'm doing so in this kind of direction, so that you can be aware of some of the triggers that can indicate that somebody is not really managing things well from that emotional standpoint. And it might be you, it might be the person that's in front of you, but the more you're aware of this, then it can prompt you to think about. The better alternatives. And there's one huge thing I want you to watch. Whereas I go through these 12 and that is what I refer to as the covert messages, people with low Q tend to say things on the outside, when in fact there's a hidden meaning that's behind the surface that really gets to the heart of where they're coming from. So let's see if we can develop an awareness of all that. Now th th the first phrase that I want to bring out, uh, that people with low EEQ might commonly say is why can't you just, you know, why can't you just do things this way? Or why can't you go along with everybody? You know, how you are, or a corollary to that one might be, you're going to do. And in that case, there's the implication that, uh, first of all, they're not asking the question for the sake of gathering information, but in both of these instances, there's the implication that. There's something really wrong about you. And I just can't believe that you're doing certain things the way you do, and you need to do things better. You're not saying it, but that's the implication and, uh, something like that can lead to disruption in the relationship or a very close, second comment that we can have is, oh, okay. If that's what you want to say. Now it may be that you're having a discussion with someone and you don't really agree with them, and you've attempted to speak your truth into that person and they're not having it. And it's kind of like at the very end of the discussion, you just kind of throw a Barb in there. Okay. That's what you want to think. And it more or less implied. I just really think that you're an idiot and now you're not outwardly saying it, but you're setting the relationship up to fail and that's not going to be something that's going to lead to good results. Or how about a third phrase that people with low IQ might say, and that is, Hey, I had no other choice let's suppose that you said something that went in the wrong direction and it creates some habit or you did something that turned out to be a disaster. And so you explained it by saying, well, I, I didn't have any other choice now. The implication. Uh, if there was a problem, it wasn't my fault. And so there's a tacit form of blaming and an accusation towards some mysterious, something out there. And that person is just simply not willing to take responsibility for themselves, as opposed to the person that has the higher IQ that would. I was in a difficult situation and I managed it in a certain way and here's how it played out. And I think we might need to be, uh, willing to go back and revisit that a high IQ people can actually admit I always have choices and sometimes they're good. Sometimes they're not, or a fourth common phrase, because this is very common that a person with low IQ might say is how do you think I'm supposed to feel. Now somebody else may be sharing, uh, a, uh, an incident with them or a confrontation and rather than saying, alright, I need to know more about why you feel this way. And I'd like to talk with you about my response. Okay. That would involve, uh, a healthy exchange between two healthy people. Well, the person with low EEQ wants to kind of put a bit of a shame on that other person. There's something really wrong with the way that you. At me now what's wrong with you. And so, and by the way, that's another bad phrase that people with low IQ use what's wrong with you. How do you suppose that makes me feel? And the, the implication is, I think you're just an oblivious person. A fifth phrase that's commonly used is if you can believe that. For example, you might say, well, my sister is, uh, said she was going to go and be with this person, if you can believe that, or this person decided to do such and such activity, if you can believe that. And the implication is, I just am constantly, um, uh, having to come to terms with this persons idiotic kinds of ways. If you can believe that. And the implication is, uh, there's, there's another criticism or insult that's, uh, that's being given to that person that they don't agree with now, a sixth one, and this is kind of an interesting, um, a person with low IQ might say something to the effect of everything is great. Right now, let me give you an example of what I mean there, it might be that I'll say, Hey, you've got that new job. Everything's great with it. Right. And when I throw that word right on the end of it, the implication is there's a certain way that I want to hear you respond. I want you to tell me that things are going well. And then if you come back and say, well, it's not all that. Then it makes you look like, well, then you're doing things wrong and you're not giving the right reaction. And so you're more of the negative kind of person, I, of course, and being positive. Right. And it's, it has a real subtle put down towards the person who might not give the correct response or a seventh, uh, phrase. It can be very common. Yeah. Well, aren't you just being sensitive. Let's suppose that you're talking about something and the other person has an emotional reaction that you don't want. Rather than saying, tell me about that. You can just kind of put that, that jab in there. Well, aren't you just being sensitive and the implication is there was a certain way you were supposed to feel and that wasn't it. And so, again, you're trying, you're making that other person feel rather uncomfortable or number eight, a person might say, nobody says that to me. That now, uh, this is, uh, this is going to be coming from somebody that has a strong argumentative nature. Uh, there's a, they can disagree very readily and, and, uh, they, uh, when they have somebody in front of them that offers a separate interpretation rather than saying, I don't really think that way, help me understand how you arrived at that conclusion, which would be the, a high, emotional intelligence way of doing things. Uh, it's like, uh, you don't say that to me. You don't have that. Right. And the implication is I get to decide what you say, do and feel around here, or number nine, this would never have happened if you had, and, and then, uh, they'll go on to, you know, we might be having a disagreement or there might be, uh, uh, have been a difficulty in our lives. And I might just want to just put that blame out there and say, well, this would never have happened if you'd just done things the right way. Or if you had listened to me or if you had, had made us a separate decision. And, and so as a result of that, then you can just kind of, uh, have this notion that says, there's just, you're, you're just kind of along here just to make things miserable. Aren't you and you keep doing a good job. Uh, this would never have happened or number 10, and this is just, uh, the, the statement of a very, very stubborn, uh, feudal kind of person where they might just say, stop it. Just stop. Now I know that there are times when a person can be angry or stubborn or argumentative, and sometimes you want to say something like that. And it's okay at times to say, you know, we need to draw this to a close, but when you come off in this super strong, stop it just stop it kind of way. Particularly if you have a reputation of not wanting to discuss. Uh, difficult topics. It just gives the response or gives the impression that you're the kind of person that responds rashly when things go wrong. Uh, one of the things that I work hard on in my counseling office and then also of course in my personal life is I don't want to be the guy that responds in a rash way. If something doesn't go right. I mean, can you imagine coming to a counselor's office? And I just say shut up, just stop it. Well, of course not. I want to establish myself as somebody that says we can talk about things in here, rashly, and that's something that, uh, hi, hi, EEQ people can do in their personal lives as well. Or number 11, uh, the low E Q person might say something like that reminds me of a time when I, and so what happens is there are times when you're having a discussion with someone and they mentioned, let's say they went on a vacation to Florida. Well, that reminds me of a time when I went to Colorado. And you just hijack the conversation, or if you have something that, where somebody is talking about, uh, there was a disappointment with, uh, uh huh. And you say, yeah, that reminds me of a time when something like that happened in mind. And there are people with low E Q that they kind of send the message covert that says, I don't want to listen to you. Let's talk about me. That's my favorite topic or 12. And this is one that can be very common with low IQ people. And that is why should I even bother with you? And now they may be feeling a great deal of futility in heard, but instead of saying, Hey, I'm struggling here. They just kind of send the message that says that covertly you're beneath me. And you need to remember that now, obviously when you have low E Q a, that implies that there's a low level of empathy, there's a high level of control. There's actually a fear reaction in that. I don't want to have to deal with stuff that makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. And I'm hoping that as you examine these kinds of. Responses, you can look at yourself and recognize I want to be somebody that is more sensitive emotionally than that. And then when you're around people who also have that low IQ, you can have this sense of motivation that says I can do better. And I want to be someone that offers a safe Haven for people when we're in communication. So, uh, it's, it's a, a good challenge that we all need to make.

Julie South: 27:17

did you recognize any of those statements yourself? Do you find yourself saying them? It's okay to think them it's absolutely. Okay to thank them. Provided you bite your tongue and you don't say it. People who bite their tongues or count to 10 or a hundred or whatever it is that they need to do to, to diffuse the situation. Those are the people that have high. EEQ. One of the things that I find myself thinking from time to time, if you hadn't done that, Usually it's with my husband. If you hadn't lost or you had, if you had put something away, then we wouldn't be looking for it. Now, if you had done something differently, we wouldn't be here. Whatever. I bite my tongue, I can't tin. I take deep breaths. That is hot to look out for, or listen for an others. I hope you found it helpful because next week, we're going to look at the difference. Having well-developed EKU makes professionally and the art of managing your emotions to be emotionally intelligent. About getting into that state of flow, where everything goes the way you want it to. Thanks for listening as always. I appreciate your feedback and comments. So please feel free to let me know your thoughts. You can email me Julie at fit, staff.co.in Ziad. I promise to answer all emails. I'll put the original video from Dr. Liz Carter on the episode, page, episode 39 at paws claws, wit noses dot F M. If you do watch it there fast forward about 90 seconds because I edited out his backstory for you here. You didn't hear it here. Remember to come back next week for strategies and techniques on how to do that. Your ake, you take care and God bless. Paws claws and wet noses is sponsored by vet staff. If you've never heard of it, staff it's new, Zealand's only full service recruitment agency. 100% dedicated to the veterinary sector fit staff has been around since 2015 and works nationwide from Kate rehang to the bluff and everywhere in between as well as helping Kiwis fits. Also hubs overseas, qualified veterinarians find work and art hero and New Zealand fit. staff.co dot. Indeed.