Conquering Anxiety and Embracing Success with James Whittaker

This week, we host James Whittaker, entrepreneur and bestselling author of Think and Grow Rich: The Legacy and Andrew Carnegie’s Mental Dynamite. James turned his struggle with anxiety into a journey of self-discovery and success. James highlights his 'WIN method' - Wonder, Intent, Nurture - as a framework for purposeful living and defining success on a personal basis. Emphasizing self-awareness and resilience, James aligns perfectly with SuperAge’s vision of meaningful growth.

What kind of SuperAger are you? Check the SuperAge Quiz and find out! (visit: ageist.com/quiz)

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Key Moments
“It's better to be green and growing than ripe and rotting. Like just because you've had a few wins and adventures in your past doesn't mean that you need to hang up your hat.”

“The longer we're in an environment where we're by ourselves, that's where this stuff gets really, really dangerous because we simply lose track of what's possible. So we retreat to autopilot, which works on the condition that you're very intentional with it. If you're not intentional and you don't have a process of getting around really high-level thinkers on a consistent basis, then you need to be conscious that that autopilot is going to eventually work against you”

“It's really important to think about what season of life you're in and what is the metric for you to determine whether or not you're making the right progress. And sometimes just simply being on the right journey is enough. It doesn't matter about some of these other things that may or may not have manifested, just simply being on the right path and being aware of what's around you and putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that the universe is working for you.”

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:15

What kind of super-ager are you? Go to agistcom slash quiz. Take the super-ager quiz and we'll send you directed, personalized information to help you super-age the best that you can. Welcome to super-age. My name is David Stewart. I am the founder of Agist and your host on the super-age show. We talk about how to live healthier, how to live longer and how to be happier and who doesn't want that? Today's show is brought to you by Inside Tracker, the dashboard to your inner health. Go to insidetrackercom. Slash agist. Save 20% on all their products. Today's show is also brought to you by Timeline Nutrition with their breakthrough product, mitopure, the first clinically tested urolithin A supplement which is showing tremendous results for mitochondrial health. Go to timelinenutritioncom. Slash agist. Use the code AGIST at checkout and save 10% off your first order of mitopure. This show is also brought to you by Element L-M-N-T, my favorite electrolyte mix. It's what I put in my water in the morning and it's what I put in my water at the gym. Go to drinkelementcom. Slash agist and receive a free eight serving sample pack with any purchase. Welcome to episode 164 of the super-age podcast. It's great to have you with us. This will be dropping on December, the 20th, 2023.

Speaker 1: 1:37

So on this week, 15 years ago I did something kind of radical. I got married and I made a really good choice. I married somebody fantastic and the last 15 years have been wonderful. I can tell you with absolute certainty there would be no super-age, there would be no agist, none of this without the help and support of my wife. So for all of you out there who are sort of down on marriage, I know marriage is not great for everyone. Not all marriages are good, clearly 50%, and I believe that's the stat end in divorce. But mine is really great and I'm super happy with it and I'm just really grateful for my wife in the last 15 years.

Speaker 1: 2:18

So, moving on, we have a new show on AGIST, called Since you Asked, and it's sort of our first video show under the AGIST umbrella and it's a very short, you know seven, eight minute segment. It's an advice show and we have a couple of really fun funny people on the show. And what I wanted to bring up is you know your comments and mostly everybody really likes it. But then what's so interesting to me? The negative comments are all about my co-host Susan's, like what she's wearing or her glasses or something they don't talk about, how Rob looks or how I look. I just think that's kind of messed up. Just saying For all the women out there who listen to this show, you're probably used to this all the time. It's something. Since birth you've been getting this, but I just find it I don't know weird in some weird way.

Speaker 1: 3:09

But if you can check out, since you Asked, we think it's really funny and you can subscribe. And if you want to send us a question, please do, because they're both really smart, clever people and we have sort of fun banter conversation. Since you Asked, check it out. And my last little news item is that I'll be going to New York City. We have a new apartment there that we're staying in. We rented it for a year, which is kind of awesome, and I'll be there for the holidays with the before mentioned wife, which I'm really excited about.

Speaker 1: 3:42

I get in JFK at like nine, so I've been in the apartment about 1030. And then we'll grab an Uber, grab a taxi and we'll do what we always do late 90s we go to Balthazar. Can I just say I just love Balthazar. It is so, so wise. The food's great. The food has been identical since the place opened I don't know like 25 years ago. I think some of the same staff is there and they're really good. It's just nice to go to a proper restaurant and have that feeling of urban civilization. There's nothing wrong without you know. I love being here in the country, I love being in the mountains and the snow.

Speaker 1: 4:17

I guess I'm just somebody who I like extremes, right, I like being up ski racing on a mountain and I also like urban. You know, that whole civilization culture thing. I like that very much, you know. Is it so wrong? Can I just have both? That's because that's what I want and that's that's what I've arranged both. So we'll be there for the holidays. There will be no super age podcast next week. I know you're all crushed and disappointed, but hey, we need a break. So we'll be back the first week of January with some new stuff. And you know, I want to just want to take a moment for all of you out there. We talk a lot about essentially how to optimize ourselves, how to live healthier, how to live longer, different things like this.

Speaker 1: 5:01

This time of year is really about spending time with your friends, with your family just having a good time and you know, if you've taken the super age quiz and you're a super age type dolphin, you get this 100% For those of us like me. So I'm a super age or I'll type a little a little harder for us to like hang back and just be like, hey, you know, let's have a good time, but that's what this time of year is about. January is coming and we can just it'll all be there for us then and we can just get right back at it. But you know, for the next couple of weeks, take it easy, enjoy your life. We just need to all be grateful that, hey, we can breathe, we can walk, we're alive out there in the world and life is an amazing, amazing thing. It can be hard sometimes, it's not always fair, but I think it's pretty amazing.

Speaker 1: 5:54

We are going to get with our guest this week, james Whitaker, and we have James on, because James has a podcast and a books and the whole system called Win the Day, and I really wanted to talk to James about what has he learned after talking to all these fabulously successful people about how they win the day. I thought that'd be really interesting. James invited me on his podcast back I don't know, three or four months ago in Los Angeles, we had a great time and I thought let's get James on this week and let's find out what he has learned about how to win the day. That seems like a pretty valuable thing, right? We should know all that. So we're going to get with James in just a moment, after a quick word from our sponsor.

Speaker 1: 6:34

Today's show is also brought to you by Timeline Nutrition with their breakthrough product, mitopure. Mitopure is the first and only clinically tested highly pure urolithin-A postbiotic. There have been over 300 published scientific studies on urolithin-A, including human-completed and ongoing clinical trials involving over 900 participants. The results are impressive. By energizing cells, mitopure is revolutionizing cellular aging. Urolithin-a is the only known substance clinically proven to trigger a crucial recycling process within our cells called mitophagy. I've been using Mitopure for several months. The members of our scientific board and their families use it, and many of our friends use it, because we have read the science and we can feel the difference. This is a product I'm going to be taking for as long as I possibly can. Receive 10% off your first purchase at TimelineNutritioncom. Use the code AGEST at checkout.

Speaker 1: 7:31

Today's show is also brought to you by InsideTracker, the dashboard to your inner health. I'm a big believer in getting blood tests taken because it's simply the only way to get in-depth data about your metabolic factors, your hormones and the things that inform your immediate and long-term health. There are also excellent DNA tests that can further inform you about your immediate and long-term health. The problem is the most blood tests out there is you get a lot of information back and you get a lot of numbers and they're not really going to tell you what to do about it. In addition, they can be very confusing what all the factors are, what they mean?

Speaker 1: 8:06

Insidetracker has a dashboard and a platform that simplifies all of that. I get food first, supplements second, recommendations about how to optimize my inner health. For instance, I just got my test back and I saw that my calcium levels were a little low, which were surprising to me, but I have suggestions now about how to correct that, and I would not have known that had I not done an InsideTracker blood test. Go to insidetrackercomagist. Save 20% on all their products today. Hey James, how are you doing today?

Speaker 2: 8:38

I'm great. Thanks, Dave. Thanks so much for having me on. How are you doing?

Speaker 1: 8:42

I'm doing great. I was doing my master ski racing program and all my glutes are killing me.

Speaker 2: 8:49

I did a heavy squat session yesterday, so I can feel it in my lower body as well.

Speaker 1: 8:53

Interesting times Right on. James, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 2: 8:58

So I grew up in Brisbane, australia. So I live in Los Angeles, california, now, and growing up in Brisbane you know it was a beautiful place. I had a good family. My father became a successful financial or personal finance guy when I was in high school. So as his profile started to take off, that's where, instinctively, I started sort of benchmarking and comparing his success to where I was at, and that led to this really debilitating anxiety disorder For me.

Speaker 2: 9:26

It was just a very difficult position to be in at that time when we're very vulnerable and we just naturally and instinctively compare ourselves to other people, which, of course, is a horrible thing to do, especially at that age when you haven't done the reps that someone else has done to achieve that success. And I reached a point where I could get through it if I simply decided not to care, which, again, is a horrible way to go through life, because you're settling for what life gives you rather than living with any type of intention, until eventually, one day, I had a bit of a rock bottom moment and that was where everything changed for me. I basically said that here I am, life, you can throw anything you want at me and you're never going to phase me ever again. That was at the age of 23. And since that time I've been on this journey of turning myself into someone of value and contribution as much as possible. I've been on that journey now for 17 years and I'm going to do it for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1: 10:18

And you have a podcast that you invited me on.

Speaker 2: 10:21

Thank you, Well, the whole idea of win the day. It actually came when I was reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and there was a passage that stood out to me. It said that the poverty conscience will automatically overtake any mind that is not preoccupied with being success conscience. And I thought, wow, that's a really interesting way to look at it. And the way that I interpreted that is that each day, if we do not make the decision to win, we have automatically made the decision to lose. So I launched this podcast called Win the Day because I wanted to be able to share some of the things that I had learned from the three books that I'd written and all the research that I'd done with that Hundreds of people that I've interviewed for various projects over the years. I wanted to share that information to help other people raise their idea of what's possible and give them a blueprint to be able to take that action every single day. So that's what Win the Day means for me. I've been at it now for almost five years, almost 200 episodes released. We've had incredible guests like yourself. We've had number one New York Times bestselling authors, special forces operators, olympic gold medalists, billion dollar founders, people who don't have a big public profile but have incredible stories just about everyone you can think of in between. So it's been an amazing journey and it's led to a lot of opportunity and connections for me too. Wow, what have you learned from this so much? Some of the biggest ones about how to structure your day in terms of productivity. So I've sort of put together what I call the Win method, which I can go through in a little bit more detail shortly.

Speaker 2: 11:58

But one of the biggest epiphanies for me was when I interviewed a guy called John Lee Dumas, who has a podcast called Entrepreneurs on Fire, and he talks about this idea of making sure you do your most important work first, before you do someone else's agenda for your time. And what I was doing at that point is I would wake up and I would do emails because I would want the feeling of achievement. I would be picking the low hanging fruit and that's not moving my big goals forward, and it means that when I have that creative time, I'm wasting it doing someone else's agenda for my day. So instead, what I did is I thought about when are those two or three most creative hours that I have in my day and what am I doing to advance my own goals, the big things that what I want to achieve, what am I doing to move those forward, and then I can do the rest on autopilot. That was one of the biggest epiphanies for me in terms of productivity and has enabled me to just really have a much greater output every single day compared to what other people can do and compared to what I used to do. And I've also taken all of these different things that I've learned now from interviewing, you know, more than 500, more than 600 people. I think it is at this point for various projects, because I'm always I'm asking this not just for the audience, I'm asking this for me. Like when I've got you sitting down, dave, I'm like cool, what are all the amazing things that you have learned? What are the questions that I have for you? And as you review all the content for your podcast and you're putting it out there on social media, it just makes you so smart and so much more aware in these different areas in terms of your own education, which is really, really valuable, and I created the Win method. I'll give you a bit of a surface level overview of that and we can dive into it in as much detail as you like, if you like a bit later.

Speaker 2: 13:34

But Win is an acronym W-I-N, so the W stands for wonder. You must be intensely curious about how great you can be from the one extraordinary life you have been given and you must have a vision much bigger than yourself, pulling you out of bed each day, connecting with that wonder. So that's really, really important. So that's a W, and the I is intent. That is your commitment to a course of actions every single day. It's things like your daily routines and habits, it's the people you hang around, it's your environment, all of those different things. So that's the I intent. And the final one is N, which is nurture, and that's how willingly you put yourself into uncomfortable situations and it's how you respond to adversity when it inevitably strikes. So that's a bit of an overview of the Win method. And in every single situation, if people just feel like they're not living with purpose or they're not living with passion, they can look at the Win method and find out what they need to tweak to start getting back on track.

Speaker 1: 14:34

It's interesting, this idea of how to structure day time wise. I find that as part of what I do here, I have to do, I have to do a lot of writing. I have to sort of like think and write stuff, and sometimes I can kind of do it on demand, but sometimes not. So what I do is sort of the opposite of what you do. So I answer my emails because it sort of gets the flywheel going. It's like, okay, now I'm doing something like the inertia gets going and then I'll answer a few, or I'll do something like I really enjoy working with visual things We'll work on next week's cover because, okay, that's easier for me and I get stuff going. And it's like, okay, now I can write this piece. Now I'm sort of mentally limbered up and I can do it.

Speaker 2: 15:15

That's really important. Dave and I actually do that as well. So I've been doing a daily journal now I do it on my phone for about 865 days Now. I've done this consecutively. It's not a small journal. I'll generally write about three, four hundred words in there about what's unique about the last 24 hours. What three things will I do to make today a win? What am I feeling gratitude for, rather than what am I thinking gratitude for? What is a lesson that I want to learn? What photos have I captured? You know I've got young kids.

Speaker 2: 15:42

It's important to make sure I have those memories. And now I'm looking back at previous days too. What was I doing on that year, one year ago and two years ago? And that's fascinating to see where your energy and your attention was going and where it is today relative to those journeys that you have been on. But that, to me, is the time I have to do that as well as a as a writer. You know I've written three bestselling books. I have another book that I'm writing now.

Speaker 2: 16:06

My goal for me is not to go and do amazing writing. My goal is to get to the computer because I know that inevitably the words will come if I have the discipline to stand there, but it can't be the first words that I've written for the day. I need to make sure I do my journal time, which is where I also have some sunshine and a coffee, and I sit in my backyard. It's a nice, beautiful spot where the morning sun comes, and it means that I am then ready to attack the real creative writing when I when I sit down and I've interviewed a lot of people who use things like the artist way, where just stream of conscious thoughts, people who do digital versus paper and vice versa, like there's so many different ways to do that but I do really see value in some type of creative outlet without any mechanism in terms of you judging or critiquing what you have put out there, and that frees you up to do some really high value creative work afterwards.

Speaker 1: 16:57

You mentioned earlier on in our conversation about what is possible, and this is one of the things that we talk a lot about here, and my personal feeling is we're all myself included limited by our imagination of what's possible. What have you heard from people, all these amazing people you've spoken to, what have you learned on that subject, about expanding one's imagination about what's possible?

Speaker 2: 17:21

The longer we're in an environment where we're by ourself, that's where this stuff gets really, really dangerous, because we simply don't have an idea of what's possible. So we retreat to autopilot, and autopilot on the condition that you're very intentional with it. If you're not intentional with it and you don't have a process of getting around really high level thinkers on a consistent basis, then you need to be conscious of that autopilot is going to eventually work against you. Now a lot of people talk about the power of consistency, and consistency is very, very important. But I never talk about consistency without also adding in what I call the plus growth metric. You need to have consistency plus growth.

Speaker 2: 18:00

What am I doing to learn at every single one of these things that I'm doing?

Speaker 2: 18:03

What am I doing to level up and get better in every way?

Speaker 2: 18:07

And there have been times in my life when I've just been working in my own office and then I'll go and have lunch or a coffee with someone like our mutual friend, dr Michael Bruce, and he'll tell me about his mailing list of four million people and I'm like, wow, cool, that's amazing, that's a big goal then.

Speaker 2: 18:23

So how can I get four million people on my mailing list? He tells me how we did it. All of a sudden, that completely changes my belief in what's possible, and I have that extra motivation as well as a detailed plan of how I can get to that in a linear and sequential manner. So, in every one of those instances just getting out of your comfort zone to enter a new environment that calls forth your best, which of course, comes from feeling a little bit or a lot uncomfortable, and then finding some really interesting people who have been able to achieve some really cool things well outside, what you believe is a comfort zone for you and really capacity for you, and I think you will be inspired to interpret that in your own way.

Speaker 1: 19:03

I agree with this 100%. I think that real information comes from the outside. I mean, I guess there are people like sitting caves and like you know they can do that. But I once had a mental health professional in a social setting explain to me that we all as individuals have three core self delusions. And because they are core and they are delusions, it's like impossible for us.

Speaker 1: 19:29

We can't, on our own effort, our own volition, we can't see these and imagine anything other than where we're at, around these delusions. And the only way you get around that is you have somebody say to you oh well, actually you may think you're purple, but you're not, or whatever kind of crazy thing is going on in your head that we need these sort of outside influences. You know like, oh, a four million man, that's, wow, that's, I thought that was impossible. I guess that's not impossible. Maybe you could do that. Or maybe you know what I find actually really powerful is when someone tells you something, not so much around like achievement things, but about these, like core delusions. They'll say like Well, actually you're not like that. You may think you are Okay, but you're not.

Speaker 2: 20:17

Absolutely, and I mean, what's the identity that you're associating yourself with? Like there are things I do in the morning as part of my own daily routine, things like cold showers every single day. I never really look forward to that, but it's something that I do because I know it makes me a better person. It sets me up better for the day, it sets me up to attack more difficult things throughout the day, like just having a process to get out of your comfort zone on a very regular basis, adding value to people.

Speaker 2: 20:43

Like I'm a big believer in sending audio messages to people. Just once a day, just check in with someone different to say, hey Dave, I was just thinking of you. I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your contribution and everything that you've done for me over the years. Just send me an audio message back to tell me a little bit about what you're up to and, of course, if there's anything that I can do to help. If you can do that every single day, say 300, 350 days out of the year, you will get an unbelievable amount of opportunity and inspiration back to you, and people so rarely do that.

Speaker 1: 21:14

Yes, we need to take actions. It's all fine to think these things, but nothing really happens unless one actually does something.

Speaker 2: 21:24

For sure. I have a client of mine who's got a TED talk. She's crushing it. She's got like 350,000 views on this amazing TED talk. She's in her early 20s and she rang me the other day.

Speaker 2: 21:35

She was almost in tears, having in a very difficult headspace, because the metric of success that she had put on was not relevant for the season that she was in. So I think for everyone listening to you and I, it's really important to think about what season of life you're in and what is the metric for you to determine whether or not you're making the right progress, and sometimes just simply being on the right journey is enough. It doesn't matter about some of these other things that may or may not have manifested, just simply being on the right path and being aware of what's around you and putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that the universe is working for you. I mean these are really important things to do, because a lot of this stuff that we're doing in business and in life it's the mindset game is what separates ordinary people from extraordinary achievers.

Speaker 1: 22:22

You know, the phrase that comes to mind is bring the person. You are, not the person you were or the person you think you will be. Let's deal with who you are today. This is something that you know. I do this like ridiculous ski racing thing. I'm 65, also up there on the hill, not in my class, but in other classes. They're like the 16 year olds on the US Junior Olympic team. I'm sorry, I can't do that, never will be able to. I just have to sort of bring it back to what's my capacity and where am I at today.

Speaker 2: 22:55

Yeah, I think was well when you become a parent like I've got a two year old and a four and a half year old, I'm someone who likes getting out of my comfort zone and doing, you know, doing interesting, new, challenging things, whatever that might be, and I've got a whole interesting list of Experiences that I've done, like you know cage diving with great white, swimming with tiger sharks and white water rafting down the Zambezi River, skydiving.

Speaker 2: 23:16

I've done all of these different things and I've loved doing them. When you become a parent makes you a cute aware of your own mortality for the first time. So I think it's nice for us to have some of those things like yeah, of course I want to be responsible and I want to be as healthy as I possibly can, but I don't want to be here unless I have that adventurous spirit and I'm doing what I can to get the most out of this one life that I've been given, because as you get older, it's not just your life. You're here, mentoring, leading by example, guiding your children and your grandchildren who are going to see you. Are they going to see someone who is sitting there in a chair complaining about how much pain that they're in and how difficult their life is. What they're gonna be talking about. Wow, I went skydiving on my 60th birthday. I did this amazing thing, and how cool that was and what a joy it is to be alive and what an adventure it is on this one extraordinary life we've been given.

Speaker 1: 24:10

I think you bring up something really interesting here that as we get older, in general people tend to become more cautious and they get it to avoid things that may be Uncomfortable and that that could mean anything from an uncomfortable physical experience in emotional conversation, even the cold shower, like all these things. We get sort of program as we get older to Really dial in what's maximum comfort. But as we do that, you know, our world shrink. But then on the other hand some of my other ski friends who are ex Olympic downhillers and they do things that to me would be potentially fatal. So you know sort of understanding what's that lane between expansive adventure, embracing uncomfortability, embracing the possibility of failure but not death wish.

Speaker 2: 25:05

Yeah, you gotta be. You gotta be smart about it. I'm a big believer in finding experts in their respective domains and just doing exactly what they tell you. So if there's something new that you want to try scuba diving, tennis, like it could be anything going find someone who's really good at that. Let them get you comfortable in that discomfort so you got a little bit of a guide and a bit of a support there and then you can have a bit of increasing autonomy once you've got that foundation built.

Speaker 1: 25:31

I agree with that 100%. Search out people, whatever you're thinking about, search out people who really know what they're doing and have them help you out. Whether you want to learn tennis or computer program, where you want to Like. You want to swim with tiger sharks? Okay, like. Personally, I'm not jumping off the boat so many tiger sharks unless there's a guy who's done it every day, and it's okay.

Speaker 2: 25:52

Exactly when I was swimming. It was on the north shore of Hawaii and there's a woman, ocean Ramsey. She's got the most incredible photos of her just free diving with these great white sharks and everything, and where they're swimming with dozens of Galapagos sharks, and then they all bailed and ocean said her name's, ocean. She said every, which is a great name for her occupation. She said everyone back on the boat now and, because I was sort of friends with her, she said that I could stay there but I had to hold on to the boat.

Speaker 2: 26:18

So all the sharks have gone and in the wild, when all the animals flee, that's a very interesting time. You know that something big is just rocked up and that was a tiger shark just very slowly creeping along the top of the surface there. I mean that was such a cool experience. But she also said if she was surfing and there were big sharks around, that she would leave the lineup because she's not in a position to be able to monitor their behavior. So, having an expert in something as dangerous as that, I never felt like it was dangerous. I felt totally safe the entire time. But I would never go and take a boat out and do that without someone of her expertise.

Speaker 1: 26:51

I just want to diverge. I'm I use a surf a lot and the North Shore of Kauai. The first time I went I asked like, oh well, what's the shark deal? And it was like, oh no, shark, shark. But then as you go back and back, like, oh yeah, bob lost his leg, oh yeah, that surfboard over there, yeah, tiger, or you know how, bethany, yeah, she lost her arm, like just like on. And oh yeah, I got bit like a drag to the bottom tiger shark. I mean you are. You are not on the top of the food pyramid there.

Speaker 2: 27:21

Exactly. Everyone's always like hey, you know, when you're swimming, if you see a shark, just punch it in the nose. You see a great white shark or one of these other sharks in the wild. You will never, ever see it. Coming from Australia. You know the home of Of sharks when I was in South Africa with the great white sharks. This thing is just evolved over millions of years. It's the same color as the ocean. You're not gonna see it.

Speaker 1: 27:43

Yeah, so what are the stories that you've heard from all these people that you've spoken to that really stand out to you?

Speaker 2: 27:51

So many you know. I think one of the biggest themes is the most important opinion is how you feel about yourself. And there was a woman I interviewed. Her name is Jeanine Shepherd and she was someone who would qualified for the winter Olympics in Calgary and she's from Australia. So she was in the blue mountains outside Sydney on a bicycle training for the upcoming winter Olympics and she was hit by a truck and she spent, you know, airlifted to hospital, 10 days in a coma, six months on the spinal ward. She was never supposed to walk again, never supposed to do any of these things again, ever supposed to have kids. And she's got three kids. She can ski, she can bike ride, she can walk, while still being classified as a paraplegic. Now it's not Comfortable for her. She's not gonna go and run a marathon but she, in the face of this overwhelming doctor evidence, very well educated people. She said the most important opinion is how I feel about myself and that was such an important lesson for me, that resilience and how have I grown from this and what is the gift in this. So that was a huge one and she's become a very close friend of mine.

Speaker 2: 28:54

Apart from that, there have been so many just really cool people that I've had the pleasure of being able to meet. You know there's been film composers, people from SEAL Team 6. You know the Naval Special Warfare Development Group some of the most elite trained People on the entire planet. It's so interesting hearing about what are the people at the absolute pinnacle of their game, what are they doing to prepare? And on the SEAL Team 6 guys, specifically, like we all, know the value of failure and how we learn from failure to become a better person and achieve a greater height down the track, knowing the lessons that we have from the failure that we went through. But they talk about something better than that. They talk about changing ahead of failure and I thought that was a really interesting perspective.

Speaker 2: 29:39

It's great to fail, but if you've got the right process in place, you should be training a, you should be learning ahead of failure as much as possible so you don't have to go through something like that because the line of work there in failure could mean getting shot or one of their buddies getting shot. You know hundreds of people and just so many valuable lessons, and we spoke a little bit earlier about the importance of having access to that inspiration to raise your own idea of what's possible. That, to me, is one of the primary benefits of having a podcast is that, on a very regular basis, you get access to some Incredible people who really just make you feel good about yourself, give you some ideas of some cool things that you can be doing. So I'm a huge believer Of everyone having a podcast and I think if you run up the right way which you do, which I do it means that you get an ROI from the podcast before anyone else. Even here's the episode.

Speaker 1: 30:30

That's my favorite thing about doing podcast is access people like yourself, amazing people that I can speak to them. In my normal life I just I wouldn't happen. I want to circle back to this comment you mean about it's like how you feel about yourself. This is a really important thing. It's something people often I don't know why they asked me dating advice, I don't know why they would ask me that, but they do Like. Far from an authority on that, I just say, like you know, they're like, well, this person is like, and they describe the other person and you know like. These are attributes. Whatever I was like, I don't really care. Then none of that really matters. That's great. You get some kind of a scorecard. Okay, how do you feel about yourself when you're around? That's the. To me, that's the whole thing. None of the rest of it matters. Like, how do you feel about yourself around the other person? You feel better about yourself or worse about yourself. That's the.

Speaker 2: 31:22

That's the thing to focus on yeah, it's so true and you know people like you and I with and, I imagine, everyone who listens to your podcast we're very interested and just being the best we can be, because the you know, the better we are, the more value and impact that we can have another people's lives.

Speaker 2: 31:37

They can see us leading by example so they can start to Model their behaviors, just like you and I have been able to model the behaviors of the people who have Service mentors and coaches for us over the years. So I think for anyone, particularly when it comes to relationships and dating, this idea that I use someone that you would want to be married to or use someone that you would want to date Like, don't be so focused on trying to change someone else's behavior or changing someone else's identity. Do the work yourself and then, when that person is ready you know it's again with two young kids it's you know. You see some of the physiological changes, the mental changes that a lot of this stuff happens with women when they're when they're having kids. I think it's really important that you need to Give that enough time. Let someone come up with the decision themselves. Do what you can to provide some supporting parameters, but don't critique, don't judge and certainly don't expect someone else to do a behavior that you're not willing to do yourself.

Speaker 1: 32:33

Yeah again goes back to let's try and become the best version of ourselves, and the better version of ourselves we are, the better partner we're gonna attract, the more impact we can have in the world. To me, that's I mean.

Speaker 2: 32:47

that's why I do what I do and that's what I, what I encourage other people to do for sure, and being the best version of yourself means that you obtain perspectives that are not your own. That's why, when it comes to relationship, I believe the number one most important thing is communication. You should not be talking to. The other person should be asking questions and listening, listening, listening, and only once that person has expanded every single bit of energy what they have to say and perhaps I need to write something down in an email or a letter to make sure it's communicated in the right way, and I've really thought it through and then you repeat it back to them, let them know your interpretation of what they have said. Cool, they have cooled themselves emotionally. You know exactly what is bothering them and what role that you have played in that, and that is your opportunity to be able to talk and get the best outcome for both of you.

Speaker 1: 33:37

Yes, I often times think I'm doing the right thing and it causes a reaction that's unexpected, and then there's a moment of like oh I'm sorry, help me to understand better. I want to do better next time and maybe I will. Maybe I won't, but I try.

Speaker 2: 33:59

For sure. You know, don't we both? What one of the biggest things that I've learned, actually from the podcast. I interviewed John Gray. He wrote all the men from Mars, women are from Venus books. You know. He sold tens of millions of copies of these Books and he mentioned during our episode. It's got like 95,000 views on the full length version of this episode on YouTube, which is huge. It's still getting thousands of views every single month. And he said that men instinctively want to jump in to solve the problem because that's what we care about most, and women want to feel heard and if we recognize those two roles, it makes communication so much easier. So, rather than you know, I didn't realize how often I was interrupting my wife To try and solve a problem, even though in many cases she never even wanted me to solve the problem, she just wanted to feel heard. A few little things like that, wow, it makes a massive difference in your communication style.

Speaker 1: 34:51

Makes me crazy. My latest huge faux pas was okay, I really just need to listen. So she's talking, she's talking, I'm listening, I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. And she's like you're not, you're not reacting, and I said, well, I'm intensely focusing on what you're saying. She's like no, no, no, no, that's not. No, you need to like react, you need to feedback. So I understand that I'm being heard and I Like oh right, okay, forgot that part, and also don't want me to solve the problem, right am I? Am I clear on that?

Speaker 1: 35:25

yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. And so this is, like you know, in my, you know, primitive male brain, this is just so hard.

Speaker 2: 35:34

For sure it really is. And just along those lines, like no guy wants to feel Nag, like the typical masculine energy that we, that we have, we respond for, you know, for the most part of uses, the generalization, but we will respond more to more of you know someone who's closer in their feminine energy. Instead of like nagging us and and raise the voices and emotion, it's like let's do something softer, make it more matter of fact, rather than being like hey didn't put your shoes away. That's pissed me off this many times. And doing all of that so and I mean when you know when you're in a situation in the household, especially with, with young kids, you know tensions can be very high, especially if you dealing with, with, with little sleep.

Speaker 1: 36:14

So is your vision of what's possible. What is your vision look like going forward?

Speaker 2: 36:20

Impacting the world was always my big vision and then when I have, when I had kids, it sort of change, it's to impacting them and through me impacting them that that would peripherally inspire the world. So you know I have some of my own metrics of things that I want to achieve. You know I want I have a three year goal of getting one billion social media views for my podcast and content online, where about 42 million views at the moment. So that's a nice milestone to have, but for me it's really it's just really living in alignment. You know, I take it a day to time.

Speaker 2: 36:52

Communication is a big one. Every year my wife and I sit down and we talk about what are our goals and what's important to us. And it's an interesting timing as you enter your 40s because for me it was the very first time that I started thinking about my health and longevity and all the amazing things that you talk about. It's almost like fate thrusted upon me because I'm a father now and I don't want to be someone who sitting on the couch and not having the function and mobility to be able to play with my kids, so that's exceptionally important. But I also have an 83 year old father and a 70 year old mother, and just as you bring kids into the world, then the older generation starts dying out. So I'm acutely aware of what I can do to make sure I capture those most valuable memories With my parents and freeing up as much time as I have to be able to spend time with the people who've created the life that I'm able to enjoy today. So I'm thinking about what I can do to usher in the next generation. What can I do to show my gratitude and respect for the people? You know, like my parents, who paved the way for me?

Speaker 2: 37:55

I'm focusing on doing work. That just the one thing for the rest of my life, rather than chopping and changing so much. I just want to do one thing, which, to me, is that when the day movement and becoming the best in the world at it and just simplifying so much about my life, that's just when you have a situation where you have young kids and you're very time poor. That simplification is essential and it really heightens the urgency of things like self care. You have to double down on self care.

Speaker 2: 38:23

I mentioned earlier having writing down what three things will make today a win, then never all related to the same thing for me. One might be about business, one might be about fitness, one might be about family, because if we take our eyes off that you know one thing, then, yeah, we might have a lot of money in the bank, but we might be in really poor physical shape or you may not have the family, which is what you said that you are working so hard for. So what's the point? We need to have this good foundation of holistic success, and I think that would be a life well lived.

Speaker 1: 38:53

I absolutely agree with you about the importance of like variation in life and these personal definitions of success. I find a lot of opportunity at running agist, and you know, in this crazy ski racing thing that I do, you know ripe and rotting doesn't happen when you're going really fast on skis, for sure.

Speaker 2: 39:15

And I think, dave, a big part of that is you have had a taste of what's possible, like your career when you were young. You've been around the world. It's a bit like that Ray Kroc quote it's better to be green and growing than ripe and rotting Like. Just because you've had a few wins and a few adventures in your past doesn't mean that you need to be ripe and rotting. Let's always be green and growing, and they're the people that I'm most attracted to and want to hang out with as well.

Speaker 1: 39:35

Yes, green and growing. I agree 100%. Is there something that you would like to leave our listeners and viewers with today?

Speaker 2: 39:45

If there's one thing that you take away from today this idea of make the decision to win every day or you've automatically made the decision to lose that to me is the biggest thing. And if anyone wants an action plan based on who they are, I've got winthedayquizcom. You can just answer a few questions and it will show you which personality profile you are, and in addition to a free Win the Day Action Plan you'll get it's also a free copy of my ebook, 60 Ways to Win the Day. All that stuff totally for free. It's going to give you some inspiration from other people. You know people who are doing some pretty cool things. That's the one thing that they do to win the day that you can replicate in your own way.

Speaker 1: 40:24

Really focusing on what's that one thing that we can do to win the day, and I think it's important the role that positivity plays in this, because I think that you know, positive forward motion creates positive energy right.

Speaker 2: 40:42

Exactly, it's like positive emotion leads to positive motion. And one of my favorite quotes actually two quotes from Napoleon Hill action is the real measure of intelligence. As someone who didn't you know, I didn't exactly light the world on fire when I was in high school academically, so someone who was able it was interesting for me that now I have a lot of people who crushed me academically back in the day. They're the ones coming to me to ask me for advice because of the action that I have taken relative to them, which I think is really interesting. And the other Napoleon Hill quote I wanted to share was that it doesn't matter what you know, it matters what you do with what you know.

Speaker 1: 41:16

James, you have so many excellent quotes. I just love that I got quotes for days. Dave, I love a good quote. That's great. Thank you so much. Thank you for being on the show, thank you for being such an inspiration and thank you for being my friend. I really appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 41:31

Hey and thank you, Dave. You're doing incredible things to you know, inspire people all around the world, so super grateful for our friendship and thanks again for having me on.

Speaker 1: 41:39

So wonderful to have James on the show today. He's just a lovely man. I love this idea of win the day. It's so simple and it's so great we're going to get with. Just try this. After a quick word from our sponsors Hydration is not just about pounding water.

Speaker 1: 41:54

We have to have some electrolytes in there, specifically sodium, potassium and magnesium. My favorite electrolyte mix, the one that I use every day, is element LMNT. You know, one of the things that I learned last year was the importance of sodium. We may actually not be getting enough sodium and I know there was a lot of sodium fear out there, and it's true if you have hypertension or prehypertensive, you do want to check with your doctor, but for most of us, having sodium actually helps us to absorb water and, in fact, drinking straight water without any minerals in it. We will be pulling the electrolytes out of our system. Go to drinkelementscom Slash ages. That's D-R-I-N-K-L-M-N-Tcom Slash ages. Get a free eight serving sample pack with your next order. My favorite one is citrus salt. What's yours? Let me know this week on, just Try this.

Speaker 1: 42:49

You know the holidays are here, and one of the things the holidays do is they tend to change our schedule. They disrupt things a little bit and, you know, hopefully in a really good way. But one of the things that may get disrupted is our sleep. Parties and dinners and movies and events and I don't know, ice skating and Christmas tree viewing whatever you're up to. It may keep you up later than normal, and what I would like to encourage everyone to do is to just try and keep their wake-up time about the same. If you're going to take a nap during the day, that's okay. Your wake-up time is really what sets your circadian rhythm for the day and if we can keep that, even it's really better. All around Our body's going to like that, our digestion's going to like that and, like I said, if we got to take a little nap during the day, whatever we can do that, it's the holidays, so on, Just Try this this week.

Speaker 1: 43:38

Try and keep your normal wake-up time if you can. Even if you're on vacation, you're not working whatever. Give it a shot. Just try this. Ho ho ho. So we're next going to be with you in the new year. Everyone, have a wonderful break. I hope you all get a break. I hope you get to have some amazing food, see some great friends, hang out with your family. Go see some movies. Whatever it is that you do on the holidays, have at it, because this one's not coming around again, so make the most of it until the new year. We'll see you then. Have a great time, take care. Bye.