Botox and Burpees
Botox and Burpees
S05E105 Navigating High School and the College Admissions Journey with Nicholas Rhee
S05E105 Navigating High School and the College Admissions Journey with Nicholas Rhee
Ever wonder what it's really like to navigate the high-stakes world of college applications as a teenager today? In this family conversation, host Sam Rhee sits down with his 18-year-old son Nicholas to unpack the reality behind the high school experience and college admissions process.
Nicholas shares his journey from elementary school math programs to becoming a Duke University-bound senior, offering a refreshingly honest perspective on the challenges and triumphs along the way. The conversation delves into how early academic habits formed through programs like Kumon created a foundation for later success, despite the resistance most children naturally feel toward extra work. As Nicholas explains, these formative experiences made achievements feel "obtainable through enough practice and prep," establishing a growth mindset that served him well through high school.
The discussion tackles several universal struggles facing today's students – from managing screen time, to maintaining healthy sleep patterns during academically demanding periods. The discussion also explores the emotional dynamics of sibling relationships, and the importance of time management and study habits.
Perhaps most valuable is Nicholas's candid account of the emotional rollercoaster of college applications. After receiving a deferral from Duke during Early Decision, he shares how he maintained perspective during the agonizing months of waiting: "It's not like it's the end of the world... it just means things didn't go your way this one time." His advice to fellow students focuses on "de-polarizing" the process, applying to multiple schools, and remembering that no single admission decision defines your worth or potential.
Whether you're a parent supporting a teenager through this journey, a student in the midst of the process, or simply curious about how today's generation navigates these critical transitions, this conversation offers invaluable insights into maintaining balance during one of life's most stressful yet formative experiences.
#CollegeAdmissions #HighSchoolLife #StudentAdvice #CollegeBound #HighSchoolSenior #StudentVoices #CollegeJourney #EducationMatters #ParentingTeens #StudentExperience #HigherEducation #CollegePrep #ParentingTeens #CollegeApplication #BotoxAndBurpees #podcast
Welcome to another episode of Botox and Burpees. I'm here with my son, nicholas Rhee. He's 18 years old, he is a senior in high school, and this episode is about his experience in high school advice that he can give for others who are navigating both the college process, the high school process, and what his experiences are like. And obviously this is just a single person's experience. But you know, with everything that we've talked about in the past, I think it's really important to get that first person perspective. Nick actually lived it. He is now finishing up his senior year, and so I think it's a great time for him to sort of reflect on his experiences and give some advisor thoughts about what it was like for him to go through high school, and now he will be entering as a freshman at Duke University in the fall. So welcome, nick. Thank you for guesting.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me on the show, dad. Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:So just tell the audience a little bit about yourself, what you would want them to know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, like my dad said, I'm senior high school. I've gone to Dwight Englewood High School for the last four years, entered as a freshman. Yeah, school's wrapping up for me in about, like you know, honestly, less than a month and yeah, and that's kind of like looking to close things out and I'm glad to be on the show.
Speaker 1:Thanks, I really appreciate you doing this. Let's start with your first early years, like basically like kindergarten through eighth grade. I know you had you were in Ridgewood at the time what stood out in terms of your early experiences? Anything that really was super positive or maybe super negative that you feel like might have influenced how you did later on in your high school career.
Speaker 2:Yeah so I mean, obviously, like, the main topic of this is obviously about like, and the main themes are about like college applications and like the kind of like wider scope of like that kind of process, but obviously, like going back to something like kindergarten, eighth grade, like I'm not even thinking about anything like that back then, honestly, like my scope was so much smaller. So I think, in terms of like key moments I can look back on, like you know, um, I always consider myself, you know, even when I was like in elementary school, like you know, to be very fortunate to have a very, um, stable and, um, you know, very good education and I just in general, you know, felt like I had everything I needed, pretty much Like I had the support of teachers, you know, good environment, good friends, good classmates. I was in elementary school, which was a K through five program, and then you go to the middle school local middle school, george Washington which is a sixth through eighth grade program only. So you know that transition was pretty seamless. I'd say Like they facilitate that pretty easily.
Speaker 2:And you know there's also there's other kinds of prepping resources that I've also, you know, taken advantage of, thankfully, because, um, you know, things like extra test prep, tutoring, um, and obviously that's less of a factor earlier um in your education. But uh, yeah, that definitely kind of that definitely does kind of prime you, I think, from an earlier age to expect to kind of go the extra mile in a sense and you know taking risks, exploring new things, what works, you know what direction you kind of want to go down with your academics. So, yeah, I think that definitely framing was definitely important for me and you know, those habits that you build are very important for high school as well.
Speaker 1:Mom thinks that making you guys do kuman early, especially all that math kuman, was helpful. Uh, and we started early. Do you think that that played a role in terms of your future academic success?
Speaker 2:uh, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2:I mean, like, I guess, I mean it's it's very easy thing to call back to, I guess, obviously it's like just, it's almost like, it's almost, like, you know, introductory test prep. In a sense I need to get a bit of a head start in certain courses and like, um, yeah, honestly I probably only remember that much from those days, but like, yeah, like we did that for a pretty long time, but I think, yeah, that definitely in like those formative years, that definitely does help actually, in a sense, like you know, regardless of what program you use, I think. But, if you want, like you know, for me that helped me feel more confident, at least in my abilities. In a sense, I felt like I really felt like just reaching towards a goal, in a sense, like I made things seem very obtainable, you know, through enough practice and through enough prep, because you know I was definitely seeing improvements and it just kept that constant feeling of like engagement and, you know, actualizing my own education. In a sense, it kept that very front of front mind for me.
Speaker 1:So I know you didn't really like it as a kid. Would you force your own kid to do something like that?
Speaker 2:um, I mean, of course it all depends, like I think I mean, yeah, like I don't think any kid really is like gonna be too partial towards like extra prep or just any extra work like especially for maybe an earlier age, like that concept can seem kind of foreign.
Speaker 2:But you know, in general, like I think it was a good decision, at least that like at the very least it wasn't like you know, it wasn't negative to um to offer that kind of extra prep. You can take advantage of those resources that we're lucky to have. I guess, like maybe I was a parent, I think consider the circumstances obviously, but you know, for something like Kumon at least, it's pretty low maintenance, like it's more so your child taking their learning into their own hands, in a sense, and just trying to make steady progress, you know, not too much pressure, but just kind of get the feel for what tutoring can be like and how it can play that central play, that active role in your learning. In a sense. I think building up those habits and that expectation is very, is very beneficial for, you know, kids at that age and whether you stick with it or not, it's just something to keep in mind and if you want success in the future, these kinds of habits are very important to build, so how about sports?
Speaker 1:I know we ran both you and Sasha through probably every possible sport known to mankind as a kid. So we did lacrosse and soccer and football and and pretty much everything and you know some kids really gravitate towards it, some don't. What do you remember about your early like sports experiences and how you felt about that?
Speaker 2:So yeah, so, like I think I definitely have, I guess, been through I mean, maybe not as much as some other kids, but like there's definitely experimentation that I've been going through, I guess, with like that, especially early in elementary school, and like that's um, and looking back to like I think, even if I'm there, weren't, you know, so many positive moments at the moment, at the very least being like, exposed to those kinds of perspectives and generally engaging, you know, as as anyone would like, with their peers.
Speaker 2:And there's something that you know all kids should do and you know I'm glad I was. I got into, you know, from an earlier age, um, something with some kids, maybe with clear direction, like they really gravitate towards a sport early on. And you know, for me, like it wasn't really like that. Like you know, we're not exactly like a sports-centered family, so to speak. That was never like the focus, I guess. But I mean that variety of, you know again, of sports and that kind of engagement definitely didn't hurt Slightly. Pushing yourself out of your can be very valuable, and I think it probably helped me a good amount too, even though I didn't continue to play things like lacrosse or soccer for too long after, but yeah, how about?
Speaker 1:so? If you had to think of any particular person from K to eight, your whole Ridgewood experience was there anyone that really stuck out as a mentor, someone that was super positive, someone that you still think about as part of your academic career or life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good question. I think, in terms of like mentors, so to speak, I think that I can also name a lot of middle school teachers, in a sense, I think, but also I think even going also name a lot of middle school teachers I've sent, in a sense, I think, um, but also I think, like, even like going back to like first grade, like my first year teacher, like like miss Peterson, like she was actually, you know, someone who really sticks out my mind actually even from all the way back then and she, uh, she definitely kind of you know, it was kind of my first exposure to like, oh yeah, like this postal system is very good, very supportive and, um, there are people here who genuinely want to get to know me as a person and a learner. I think that, you know, that was definitely a very, very formative experience and that definitely helped what I could expect, what I could feel secure in knowing with my education.
Speaker 1:So, that's really cool. I love that. I remember my grade school teachers too, some good, some not so good. So then you transition from eighth grade at Ridgewood to Dwight, englewood, as a freshman in high school. Now I know Sasha originally was the first person in you know, your bigger sister to go to Dwight. How did you feel about that transition? What was that like? What did you notice that was really different, or advice that you could give for anyone transitioning into another high school? What was that like for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you know, looking back, it definitely felt like things were moving very quickly at that time.
Speaker 2:I remember when she was two years older, so I remember even when I was in sixth grade, even before that. You know just lots of considerations obviously, also in a sense kind of boils down to. You know, just lots of considerations obviously Also in a sense kind of boils down to you know, what does the future look like Like, what do you want your academic future to look like? You know, and generally, that obviously is going to pertain to college very significantly. And you know, were you thinking that at that time? Yeah, so like in sixth grade? Honestly not really Like. Obviously I'm hearing inklings of it.
Speaker 2:But then obviously I called back to that when I was in eighth grade and making that decision for myself. I was very glad that you know, you guys were giving me that decision. I'm very thankful for that. You know, to be able to take control of that my own way, you know, weigh the options and you know I think when I was looking at it I was looking at the same thing. She was in a sense how do I like the school? When I told her it and I'm like what kind of opportunities do I think are available to me there? How will academics be streamlined? You know what's the reputation?
Speaker 1:Did you think of all those things Like did you think that it would help you in terms of the academics, the activities available? Did you see that when you were considering those choices?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So obviously, like you know, through things like touring, like some extra research as well, and, of course, through you know my sister literally going through that was a huge benefit, definitely streamlined that a lot and helped me get a clear picture of what was on the table and what I could see myself doing. So I think, yeah, obviously she had a very positive first. Two years before I made that decision. I thought that was all super promising and a very, very, very good indicator of you know, of you know what that could bring. And again, seeing you know how happy Sasha was, you know how happy she was out there and you know how positive environment she was having and her experiences were being very good, and again, like she seemed, like you know, nothing was really out of reach, in a sense.
Speaker 1:What? So? Let's talk a little bit about your relationship with Sasha, your big sister. So she's two years older. She is not. She's never been hesitant to give you advice. In fact, I think she probably gives you more advice than to anyone else. She obviously cares a lot about you. Um, siblings have different relationships, like I've seen different families. You know older sister, younger brother. How would you characterize like your relationship with Sasha and how has that worked over the the past couple years?
Speaker 2:yeah, so you know we're pretty close, um, you know, I think as long as I can remember, and your relationship with Sasha and how has that worked over the past couple of years? Yeah, so you know we're pretty close, um, you know, I think as long as I can remember, and, yeah, she does give me probably, she probably does give me the most advice out of anyone you know I talked to and, um, but yeah, I'm just lucky to have that connection because obviously you know certain families that can differ a lot. I've never been, never really known like my experience going up without, you know, having kind of someone looking over my shoulder in a sense and someone I can just talk to about these things that you know are very age specific and are very age sensitive in a sense, and you can't always get the same perspective very easily, even among your peers. But you know, having my sister to grow up beside me is super helpful.
Speaker 2:People always say, like in families, like you know the older siblings, like the guinea pig in a sense, like you know, you can just see how, see how they went through it, see, you know what's my mistakes they made, what worked for them and uh, uh, learn from that. So, yeah, generally it's. I mean, you know Sasha is so helpful, um, so much advice and so much guidance a lot of the time, um, how they make connections, how they make and these big decisions, like you know, going through high school, where a lot of, of course, like you know, it's emotional, it's like personal to you?
Speaker 1:Did you feel your temperament was the same as Sasha's, or different, Like was it? How did it contrast?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, we're pretty different people, honestly, in terms of, like you know, demeanor and just general like. Yeah, I guess, temperament in a sense, like in terms of, like you know, extroversion, introversion maybe, oh yeah, when I can see, you know, when I was able to see how she was going through it and how she was getting super involved, super active, you know, I was like, well, you know, I can do the same thing, I don't see why not. And like in terms of Boston, like in terms of how accepting the community is and how calm the ending it is for so many different kinds of students, different kinds of learners. That was something I picked up on very quickly.
Speaker 1:Is there anything that you did that you were like? Sasha gave you advice and and I know a lot of it you did follow. She's pretty successful, obviously. But was there anything you're like I'm going to do it a little differently or I'm going to do something else, not this, because I am a different person? Do you remember anything like that? Extracurricular wise, maybe course choices?
Speaker 2:for example, like middle school, like there's an advanced math program, obviously, but um, there's not, you know, any kind of, like you know, advanced english program with distinguishing, distinguishing factors. So, moving into dwight, that was actually a pretty new experience, like you know, not just stem, but also, you know, exercising your creativity in english and the arts and humanities. Which is that, what that, what you did? Yeah, I think I was just, you know, in general, I was able to express those interests in a much more, in a much more directed way and focused way, in a sense, you know, not only through classes but also through the available extracurriculars.
Speaker 1:Which extracurriculars helped you to sort of develop those interests?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so like in terms of you know things like philosophy or English or humanities or writing, any kind of thing that isn't just purely STEM, Like you know things. Like you know, I'm on the ethics bowl team. That was a big thing for me. You know, we just had a really successful year, which I'm proud of.
Speaker 2:And I just set that up, ran for the newspaper. That was something that you know I was definitely appreciative of and other things like debate. I felt to be able to craft my identity my own way. Craft my experiences as a learner, bring to the leader.
Speaker 1:What sports and extracurriculars did you do your first and second year in high school?
Speaker 2:Um, so like, obviously I was kind of just looking towards basketball, cause that was something I was I wanted to continue from like middle school. Um, but of course you know, track was also there and I was considering doing that as well earlier on.
Speaker 1:So you stuck with track. You only did basketball for two years, so what was the difference between the two? Why did you stick with track and not basketball Probably just.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I'd say skill probably has something to do with it as well.
Speaker 2:You're a better track person than basketball I don't say I'm even I don't even know if I'm better or not but it's just like it's. I mean, it's your own thing, like you don't have to really feel you know indebted to, like you know helping the team or like worrying about minutes, things like that, because it's just your own sport. It just makes it super more accessible and more um individualized, which I think helps for when you know I'm not like pursuing sports too seriously but I definitely want to stay active still and right with that community. So that kind of environment was, you know, it's just, it's very complimentary in its nature what did?
Speaker 1:what did you just run? What events have you just run recently?
Speaker 2:Um, yeah. So, like I mean, initially in sophomore year I started as like a I just kind of started sprinting just because I wasn't really sure what to do really, and that's just a lot of what a lot of kids do. Then I eventually I was like in junior year versus junior year, um, you know, I was running the, running the mile in 800 which uh which is which is nice and difficult.
Speaker 2:Difficult but nice, and you know meeting a lot of um, you know getting closer with a lot of people through that as well. Distance program has been pretty small recently, so that's another another factor of it. They kind of need more runners so what's your mile time average? Yeah, so like um, like in junior year I was really good. I was really set with some ipr like in like near the end of the year with like around like a 5.12.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:It's not that good, honestly, but what I was most happy about, though, was just the progress I was making. This year, I was a little less focused, so my time currently is like around, like maybe like around a 5.30. A couple of seconds, you know it's below that, but like it's a progress part, and I'm still trying to get down as much as possible, and I'm also kind of transitioning to running the 32 now more a little bit.
Speaker 1:Which is a two mile basically.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's. You know, that's something I was almost a little hesitant to do, a little nervous about, but which, um?
Speaker 1:what was your last two? Uh, 3,200 time.
Speaker 2:Uh, it was my second time running it and at least I said a PR. It was like a 1252. So that's nice. You know, I wish it was better than I expected at least. So you know, maybe last year I probably could have run faster. But you know, I'm just. I'm glad I'm still able to get into that rhythm.
Speaker 1:You took the SAT early, right after your freshman year. Would you recommend that for people to do?
Speaker 2:Most times people just go with the typical standard trajectory of doing it, maybe late sophomore year or in the middle of the junior year, which the thing is obviously that works. That's generally what is considered the standard. When mom was the first talking about doing that, I was like, just really, is it really necessary to do this differently? Is that really going to help me in any way or is this going to make my summer more difficult? But looking back, I think for me at least it was the right move. Like I was less busy freshman summer than, obviously, my consecutive summers. So I think that leveraging that time, taking advantage of it, is, you know it's something that helps. It depends on what you think is best for you, what your circumstances are, whether how busy you are, but I think for me, at the very least, taking it during freshman summer was a good choice.
Speaker 1:You remember the test prep like how intensive it was. Was it fun to do that that summer?
Speaker 2:It wasn't fun at all.
Speaker 2:But, like I mean you know, taking a lot of practice tests, and of course it also depends on the kind of prep you do, in a sense, because for me personally, I was in, like this summer program that was specifically curated for the SAT Right and it had very strict timetables. It was meant to prepare you over a specific amount of time and go over specific parameters. For a lot of kids that can help structure the process. The process I mean it definitely is at the very least for standardized test prep. So CSAT, act, I think that it's definitely something where structured, structured, focus, like regimented prep, is very helpful.
Speaker 1:So, speaking of structure, talk about developing your study habits, your time management skills. What have you developed over your four years in high school in terms of what kind of person are you, in terms of how you study, how you you know, how you prep your time management?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, um, I think time management skills definitely was something that, um, you know, you kind of, I think I cultivated kind of early on, maybe like middle school. I mean, it's something that I think inherent to me. I'm just kind of like I just, you know, I just like I'm very passionate about bettering myself as a learner and you know doing the work that's necessary.
Speaker 2:So I think that you know I had a good enough foundation going into high school and, um, obviously, like you know, there's things I could do, a lot better, things I could prove on, but in general, like you know, um are you very regimented and structured, where you have a schedule, or are you more of a procrastinator and you let it go until the last second?
Speaker 2:I'd say like a mix Like I don't know, like I mean, you know I can be more disciplined at times, like I could definitely not procrastinate. But you know, sometimes I guess, maybe when I'm feeling like it or when it's just the time presents itself, like I'm, like you know, I can also turn it on the side of me where I'm doing, you know, more and more disciplined and more structured now I'm doing things. It's way that depends on the way that you want to. You want to take advantage of what's available to you, what kind of person you are, and you know there's so many methods you can use, so many strategies.
Speaker 1:So many Are there any strategies that you use in particular.
Speaker 2:Not really Like. I mean, it's like you know, like I don't use like the Pomodoro really, but I know that that works for some people, but also like um, I think in general it's just a matter of mindset. So it's what you know. If you want to make that change, if you feel like you want to make a change in your habits, you can do that.
Speaker 1:So you've been pretty happy with how you've been doing with your study habits and your time management.
Speaker 2:I think it's worked. It can always be better, though, so I think that's something I still want to improve on.
Speaker 1:What are your time sucks? What are the things that sort of you really enjoy doing that uh are not academic, that sort of you know, take you away from things um, I don't.
Speaker 2:I think in general it's just probably like scrolling. That is kind of, I think, every kid's phone surfing, every high school kid's pitfall at this point I mean, do you keep track of your screen time at all?
Speaker 2:um, like from time to time, like honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of doing that, just speaking out because, like I don't think keeping track, being aware of you know, screen time is important, isn't important. But it's also like it tends to be inaccurate in a sense, like in how it's calculated, like you think so, not just I think so, I know so. Like when it tells me I'm on, like I'm being honest. Like when it tells me I'm on the phone for like 20 hours just because, like I left it on for like a period of time or something, or like it just miscalculated it because I had that has happened a couple times.
Speaker 2:And like when it's just some ridiculous number and I want to look at my screen time and see what it says here keep going but yeah, I mean, uh, that's something you should probably keep track of for sure, though, um, um, you know, I mean I'm not like someone. I don't think I've never really had chronic issues like maybe like some people, where I definitely need some kind of limiter on myself.
Speaker 1:It says two hours for me, but this is my second phone, so probably if you doubled it it would be like four hours a day, at least minimum for me. What would you think your screen time would be? I mean, do you want to check?
Speaker 2:Okay, let's see, it usually varies kind of wildly week to week anyway, but I can see, okay, uh daily average around like uh seven hours whoa, is that a lot or average for you?
Speaker 1:think for kids? Um, I don't know I mean like, is that accurate, do you think? Um, I mean, oh, that, like, I mean, like I, I guess, I mean actually I think that's probably one more more, one of the more accurate assessments I've uh seen so what do you use app wise most phone Like what is it that you scroll most on?
Speaker 2:I think for me it's probably like I'm actually the YouTube guy. I, like you, know YouTube and YouTube shorts too. Actually I guess people aren't that partial towards that. It's okay to my age, but obviously, like you know, the big, obviously I'm still also on things, like you know.
Speaker 1:TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram those are maybe the and what does your feed show?
Speaker 2:you mostly Like a lot of what? Yeah, because I think, in general, instagram is probably the most universal app among kids, at least that I know. I don't know anyone who uses Facebook, but I know everyone who uses Instagram and they use that as the main mode of communication when it comes to all-purpose communication, when it comes to posts, how?
Speaker 1:How come Sasha uses Snap almost more than IG, don't you think?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I mean obviously like it serves different purposes though, because like I mean, I feel like Snap almost has become like the new, just messenger app.
Speaker 1:Oh messenger system.
Speaker 2:But obviously, like it doesn't have the same kinds of general posts or you know, or kind of consistent presence that something like Instagram has. So like that's kind of why I see Instagram as the main forum.
Speaker 1:I know Susan and I have not done any kind of regulation for you guys on your phones Like we've. Just we got you guys phones pretty early on as kids and have not really sort of stopped you guys from using it. Is that really the best way to regulate kids in terms of phone is just to trust them with it, because I mean, some kids could be, maybe Others can't Like. What do you think in general people's policies should be?
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm not.
Speaker 1:I can't really speak from the lens of a parent or someone who's but then look about your peers, like how they use their phones, yeah, and like so Is it even realistic to try to regulate phone use for kids.
Speaker 2:That's the thing In terms of the realism. I actually don't think it's that particularly realistic, Because I actually do know some kids do actually have specific screen time adjustments, Like there's the screen time thing on the iPhone. There's a password that you have to enter to remove it.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or else you're barred from access. But, um, I don't know, I know a lot of kids just have the password or you can just get around it like what? Almost by like design though, because it's like, it's almost like a nominal thing, like, yeah, like you know, I have screen time and my parents said it and they want me to use my phone less, but they also know that, like you know, you know I can also remove it and like they don't really care.
Speaker 1:Right. So it's just like when you're driving and you see that speed limit sign and it says too fast, too fast.
Speaker 2:Sure, sure, yeah, that's a good analogy I think. But yeah, in general, like I don't think most kids my age and most kids my age like might say they have a problem with screen time. But like know it's something that like is actively like being detrimental. But you know, of course it's probably something that most kids I think can improve myself included.
Speaker 1:You know it was funny. I I sent you that article about that guy, quan the professional baseball player, and um, he had a story where he was in college and he was supposed to study for a final and the new fall Fallout game came out and so instead of studying, he played that until like 3 am. He failed his final. He was in a tremendous amount of trouble and it was one of those kind of realizations that like he needed to figure out how to get his life in order. Do you see your peers, anyone like that where you know they're smart kids? Everyone's obviously pretty smart, but sometimes it's that sort of self-management that is lacking in terms of being able to be successful in life.
Speaker 2:I mean respect to him, man, I mean follow. That's a, that's a dangerous temptation. Yeah, it's like. But, yeah, like, I think that, yeah, actually, you know, I mean, yeah, I think it's a kind of mix. It depends on, I guess, the environment you're surrounded by too and the kinds of people you interact with. But yeah, I think again's about that self-regulation. That was the most important part. It's the fact that you know, do you? So I think that's what distinguishes between maybe having a specific problem and having needing a change in discipline and mindset versus, yeah, like you know, everyone has their pitfalls, but at the end of the day, I know what's good for me and and you know this doesn't define me as a person if I make a mistake or two here, maybe we should all have a phone holiday.
Speaker 1:Take away everybody's phone for a week.
Speaker 2:Well, actually, like you know, my school is there. There have been um phone free fridays at my school that they've been running as like a little event that they've been doing for a little. Did you participate in it? I haven't done one, okay, well, I was absent one of those days, but yeah, like it's uh, yeah, but like that's the thing, like people are very cognizant of what this means. So, at the very least, we're aware of what's good for us and we're aware of keeping track of those things.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, awareness and doing are two totally different things. Let's talk about your application for colleges. So why did you choose Duke as your ED?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think that decision it was a little gradual maybe, Because I think I mean it's a big decision and like go look, going into it. I was just thinking, okay, like I know, I know my sister goes to Duke, I know that we're kind of a Duke family, so, um, you know, and I've always kind of been associated with the school for a while, so like I've just kind of had this, you know, you know this inherent connection as a family in a little bit of a sense, Duke it's an amazing school, it's an amazing institution. There's so many things about it that are to love and, you know, after touring and after everything I've been seeing, after things Sasha tells me to do, as you know, literally as a sibling of someone who goes there role obviously that kind of gives you, puts an intention on that school that absolutely that nothing else really can.
Speaker 1:So I think that, yeah, it ended up seeing like a nice choice for me, a good choice, one that wasn't forced. I feel in retrospect now, uh, I probably wouldn't. You're right, we're a duke family. We went to so many games we like, wore so much duke stuff. I went to do basketball camps and all this stuff. And retrospect, I think I I would have changed our approach to it. I think we would have tried to be more non-denominational, maybe go to different basketball games and I know you know Susan's such a huge Duke fan now and it would have been hard.
Speaker 1:But I don't like—in retrospect, I didn't like having that pressure on you guys because it is a great school, of course, but it was the only school you guys because it is a great school, of course, but it was the only school you guys really knew growing up.
Speaker 1:And if I, I think, had either of you guys not gotten in, it would have felt like it was a huge letdown to you guys and I did. I never wanted that to happen and you know, luck broke both your guys way. But I think putting that kind of unconscious pressure where all we did was have Duke stuff, all the crap that was in our house was Duke, like we had Duke in the garage gym, like the sign and all of that in retrospect was a mistake. I never in the future would ever want to put that kind of emphasis on a particular university for my kids growing up, even if it was just not like you have to go there, but it was just surrounding you. Um, not that it's not a great school, obviously, but had we, you know, leaned into BC as much or anything else, then I think the letdown had you guys not gotten in would not have been so bad.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, like I definitely get, I totally get that actually, because like it's again, it's really it's not about any kind of particular pressure, but like again, when you kind of start is like just, you know, like that, that is just that can be difficult to cope with, in a sense, like and it is, and I I remember sasha's friend, the one whose family's all princeton, princeton, princeton, princeton and and everything was princeton, and she didn't get into princeton and I think I mean now she's very happy where she is, but on the other hand I think it at that time it must have been so hard for her to feel like you know, that she had nothing but Princeton gear in her house, like they had Princeton pillows and Princeton chairs and all this sort of stuff, and so I don't think anyone should really lean into a school for any reason, too much.
Speaker 2:I agree, yeah, I think, like you know, you don't want to hire anyone who's something that is out of your control. I agree, yeah, so I think, like you know, don't, you don't want to tire doing something that is out of your control? Like, obviously, like, um, it's perfectly fine to support a school or rep a school, right, you can get involved with the school however much you want to be. Obviously, um, you know, as a parent, like you know, you'll be proud of them and that they'll be happy where they go. You know, I would have been, I totally would have been happy, I think, if I went to, you know, another school, any other school that was considering dirt process, um, because I did have some good options, but I'm proud, which I'm lucky, to have have had so, um, would you have gone to usc, had you not gotten into duke?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, I think that was. That was what I was looking towards, really, like it was my option. So I mean, yeah, like that was my number one option. So, again, like that's just the reality for so many people and you know, basically myself included where, like you, just you know, maybe you don't get into your top choice per se, but you tend to get into another great school that you're happy to have gone into, that you know was difficult to get into and like it, just you know it doesn't reflect anything about you as a person, you as a, you as a learner, you as a student.
Speaker 1:So Is there a lot of peer pressure? Do you feel that at school with your classmates in terms of who gets into what, or people being judged because of the admissions or where they get into?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I mean, obviously it does vary from school to school, but I think in general in my school it's not that big of a problem. I mean, I think, if anything, it varies more grade by grade, like between the level of cutthroatness or like general, what's your, what's your grade? The general approach and I think in my grade is we're not too cutthroat. I think it's pretty good. Like you know, I think we're an incredibly competent grade in terms of you know, in terms of our abilities and like you know.
Speaker 1:Obviously, that I feel like almost like our admissions from the cycle reflects that, like you know, this has been one of the successful years for delight and like do you know anyone in your class who did not get into a school they really wanted to get into, or any school like you know, even if it uh, some? You know that they were disappointed with the results of their college admissions, and how had they dealt with that?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, I mean I, I think so like it's like I mean honestly I don't you know, barely, I really don't try and pry too much into other people's business.
Speaker 1:Of course.
Speaker 2:But but yeah, but like totally, like I think I've, yeah definitely seen that play out. Well, obviously, yeah, like there is there's disappointment. You know I haven't necessarily been like super close with someone who might have gotten like super devastating news like particular to them. Obviously there are people who have I've known some people who have been disappointed by certain results or certain decisions.
Speaker 1:There was a kid in a private school up in was it New Hampshire or Massachusetts who killed himself because he did not get into the schools he wanted to get into. Yeah, I mean, isn't that terrible? Do you think that that's self-inflicted pressure or pressure just brought on by parents, or both?
Speaker 2:Well, I think it's, but almost always both in those cases like because, um, you know it's both nature versus nurture, because, like when you kind of engender, when an expectation is engendered into you from, like you know, a young age maybe, or you know, over, maybe over even the course of high school, like when, especially when you're again in a very I think a lot of it depends on the kind of open, openness of the environment you're in. I guess, maybe, maybe at a boarding school even, it can be more, it can be more difficult.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean I don't, I mean I haven't been in boarding school, but like I imagine that environment might be more yeah, your parents are around, other people aren't around that may be more insular, like, yeah, don't feel like you have anyone you can talk to outside of this space, outside of this context, when there's so much else to talk about and there's so much more out there and so much more to think about besides just an admission decision. But like, yeah, I don't think parents in general can also should be very careful to like again, just not to make sure that their you know their child's experiences, child's experiences, their own, and that you know they are fully aware of the realities and just the randomness of the process as well.
Speaker 1:I remember now maybe you could describe the emotions you felt when you applied ED. You got the deferral for that ED decision from Duke. We were all there as your family. Tell me about that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that that moment was, yeah, obviously disappointing, but, um, you know, and I think it's different because, like it's your first decision, it was the first decision I got back, at least. So what were you thinking? Um, you know, and yeah, so, like, um, you know, I think, leading to the build-up, I was just like I was very nervous, but at the same time again, I was just keeping them, keeping in mind, like, okay, I think I have a chance, you know, I think that, um, obviously, like you know, it's kind of different when it's not a binary um result, like you know, it's oh, like you know, if it's deferral, like that's, like you know, in the middle, like it's intermediate, like you don't, there's no specific set path for what to expect and how you're supposed to feel. I guess in a sense so. But so I just knew that I was either going to be, you know, disappointed or happy and um, going into, when I got that kind of disappointment, I was like you know, I was pretty, you know, you know it was it's upsetting, but like, also, at the same time, it's like um, when I have time to reflect on it after, you can be like, okay, yeah, there's since, since DD, like there's so many things left to do, there's so much work that I put in that is going to be reflected now elsewhere because of new decisions that are going to be coming back to schools and tons of schools that you know I'm super interested in.
Speaker 2:I love and um, um, I'd love to go to and um. So, like it's just, I think, if anything, just the waiting is difficult, like because when your number one choice um is not going to is going to be literally is going from the first to the last decision, that comes out like um kind of anticipation builds up way too much, I think, and that's just kind of difficult to handle, but especially maybe to apply to as many schools Because there's so much more news left, there's so much more things to focus on and worry about, right, so it's never not going to be stressful and it's never not going to be disappointing when things don't go your way, like that.
Speaker 1:How do you manage that time? Because, like you said, there's it's a long period. So, after you got the deferral, you did get a bunch of positive news with other admissions, but you're still, like you said, waiting for the whole process to play out, especially since, like you said, Duke's admissions decision at the end was was one of the very last ones. It's. It is a very, very, very, very stressful time at that time. So advice on how to sort of deal with that and try to keep moving forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think that again, you have to contextualize it, you have to realize that it's just one decision in a long list, in a long process that you prepared for. Like you know, you applied to multiple schools because you're prepared for any outcome. You're prepared for, you're trying to account for any possibility.
Speaker 1:So, um, did you use anything to help lift you up or make you feel better or get through it?
Speaker 2:um, I mean not really, I mean you just. I mean you just kind of deal with it like it's like it's not the end of the world, like you're not dead, like it's just like. But obviously, like, yeah, like you know, everyone knows what this feels like, what it can feel like. You know what kind of bad things can arise, what kind of emotions you're going to be feeling, and you know people deal with it differently. I think, for me at least, the way I just kind of dealt with it is just, you know, realizing how competitive the process, especially the ED process, is for so many schools. Like that, just, you know, again, again, it comes back into reality. It's not like doesn't mean anything about other decisions, doesn't mean anything about you, it just means that things didn't go your way this one time and you know you can hope for the best and you can.
Speaker 2:But obviously there's more things to look forward to in the immediate present and um, that and so like, yeah, so you have to kind of do a mental shift. Definitely you have to accept, you have to explain yourself like, yeah, that this is okay and now this is going to be a longer process. Like you know, you're not going to get any gratification like there's no, there's no quick ending to this. Like you know, um, it's going to be something that you have to deal with. There's going to be more stress. You know it's annoying but, again, at the very least, your applications are in. There's nothing you can really do about it right now. So you should mostly just focus on enjoying what's ahead of you and, you know, realizing that, at the very least, you have the power of choice. So that is something you have to keep in mind that you can't be too fixated on on um one out. You can't be too fixated on one outcome or one trajectory that you're looking forward because, um, there's so many different factors that are now that now matter in a sense.
Speaker 2:So, like I think, against asha, going through the exact same trajectory was super important or helpful, because, like you saw that, yeah, because I can see you know her disappointment, but also also hurling forward um, new things. You know, hopefully getting good news back, that and um, uh, just realizing that again it's now it's a long game but, um, that's stressful, but again and it does it is kind of lay an undertone among, like under the other things you're doing as a student, but um, it, um is again, it's also out of your hands now.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I almost forgot I was going to ask you before during your study habits about advice you would give students in terms of sleep pattern and habits. I've seen both like you do really well with your sleep patterns like this past week, actually, I think you did and then in the past where your sleep patterns were really disjointed and like not um, probably optimal for like what you were doing. So how do you try to manage your sleep and and what do you do to try to do your best in terms of sleep?
Speaker 2:yeah, um, I think a lot of it stems to how motivated you are to do all the sleep like it, just um, you know, obviously.
Speaker 1:But again, are you not motivated?
Speaker 2:well, sometimes I can be, sometimes I can't be, and it varies more than it should probably, but I guess, speaking in general terms, yeah, obviously you want to have good sleep habits, you want to be consistent with your schedule, you want to get enough sleep, especially as a kid. Every night we hear this so much it really crates on your nerves eventually. But obviously I think most kids I know probably don't adhere to a consistent schedule or don't get as much as they scientifically should. That's why there's so much rhetoric around this and why there's so much fear-mongering news and there's just so many advisory warnings that kids aren't getting enough sleep. But yeah, and we're not, that's just how it is. But obviously we want to be striving At least me personally I want to be striving towards making better and I've had good moments, bad moments.
Speaker 2:Like there's inconsistencies all the time and a lot of it is also circumstantial, like it's not sometimes just because, like you only have like a busier week in terms of schoolwork or athletic load, I'm like that just inherently makes it more difficult to adapt and then account for those changes if you're not, maybe if you're not again motivated to make that change is there any tip that you have in terms of trying to get better sleep, like that you've done?
Speaker 2:uh, I'd say that actually I think like managing like managing eating is probably good, like your times, really eating times, yeah, like making sure that you, um, making sure that like you don't over, you eat at good times, like you know you have consistent, like you know, not like necessarily through meal to day thing, but like you have consistently time for dinner, things like that, like I think that actually I think you do eat pretty regularly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's just something I'd say in terms of dinner at night. Yeah, getting good like shower routine as well, oh yeah. It seems like a little arbitrary.
Speaker 1:You shower at night or in the morning?
Speaker 2:I usually do both actually. So like yeah, but like and but I think it's just all about. It's kind of about putting putting sleep in terms of that wider routine that you're used to, because that helps your circadian rhythm, but also that um that conditions you to um, that conditions you to expecting a routine. It kind of facilitates that process, because when you have a routine with other things, it ties into sleep as well, so let's get back to so.
Speaker 1:You went through the whole process. You got into a bunch of schools, including USC, which would have been a real choice for you, and then the last day where you opened up the portal and you got that acceptance from Duke, what were you thinking before you opened it? And then, what were you thinking when you opened it and after you opened it?
Speaker 2:I think you know Well, I mean it was a pretty rough week the week before because it was the last week of spring break for us, but last week of spring break, but I was also very sick for that entire week pretty much. So that kind of anticipation was a little difficult to handle, I guess. I mean, I didn't really have time to live through it kind of and just it kind of and like just really be in a good state of mind and be kind of in the be present in the moment, cause everything was my whole body, clock was messed up and like that. But you know, I guess I was still able to tell myself like, yeah, I am pretty nervous, but you know, at the end of the day, like it's about, it's about you, no-transcript. So that means the process is done, um, so once it comes out, regardless of what the outcome is, you're gonna be, you're gonna be, you know, you'll know what school you'll be going to, in a sense. So, um, the process will be over, the stress will be over, the anticipation. So that actually was super helpful for me in like contextualizing this and, um, seeing again, seeing the bigger picture, um, but obviously like, yeah, it's nervous, it's as it would be for anyone, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:And um, uh, I was pretty nervous sitting up to it. Um, you know, I I almost didn't feel like I had enough time to prepare mentally for it. But again, I also realized that that's kind of ridiculous to say, because like you're just, you're just like reading a quick outcome, like it's nothing, nothing, media just changing at all. There's like nothing that you have to prepare for. It's just about, um, making sure that you I don't know just deal with it, that you deal with it properly. You have to go in with the right mindset, you come out with the right mindset. So, um, leading up to this I was nervous, but, um, um, yeah, I was just, I was just glad that, I was glad that I had worked out everything in my mind, I guess beforehand, and that I could, um, and then again, the process was going to be over, regardless, you know, regardless of what happens. So that was a great reassurance to me. You know I was just lucky enough to be able to get into schools that I was super happy to go to. You know, before that as well, that reassurance is super helpful.
Speaker 2:Not everyone has that for sure. Um, at the end of the day, everyone, just again, everyone's gonna open the same, opens these sessions in the same way, everyone's gonna. Everyone understands that this is such a uh, you know, like such a transient process. Like you know, you open it, that's it, it's over, it's done. Like you, um, you now I mean now you have to deal with consequences. But, uh, I think everyone kind of by working that on my mind, what it meant for what, what each outcome would mean for me, working that ahead of time, that helps and uh, I was very lucky to be able to you know, um, have the have my desired outcome come true? Yeah, so.
Speaker 1:That was crazy. I had a hard time actually believing it when it first happened because I was trying to prepare myself for it not to happen and be prepared for that outcome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause I think it's like, when it comes to like people saying like, yeah, expect the worst, like, yeah, you can do that, maybe sometimes I have done that because, like it maybe helps temporary expectations, like it feels like this disappointment will be lessened, but like also, at the same time, like you know, if you have a chance, like there's no reason to uh, I feel like it's almost better to just um, almost almost, hold like both perspectives on the thing to see. Like, yeah, I have a chance, but if I don't, then I understand I will. Maybe at this point I'll be sad, but it's just something I have to deal with and something that I know I have tools to deal with. I have people around me to help me. I can, you know, view this in a better context. I can see the bigger picture. I can know that I'll be happy, you know. So it's like, it's just like it's weird to have so much of like, so much of your expectation determined by one single decision or something.
Speaker 1:Isn't that crazy.
Speaker 2:At the same time. That's the reality of the process, I guess. Again that's why you have to balance everything. Make sure you're thinking about it the right way, you're not too set on one thing. You're not going to be so set on a school or something to have your expectations and then just crash down because again it's out of your control.
Speaker 1:You need to adjust your way of thinking around that and just be appreciative of what comes your way it's a very mature thought process and and that's pretty amazing and I know I can hear Sasha in my head already saying, well, I knew he was going to get in the whole time, like which is what she was saying before um, so now you're going to be starting at duke in as a freshman in the fall, so what is it that you are most looking forward to in terms of being a freshman in college?
Speaker 2:um, I think honestly, just the uh, the open-endedness, like I think the open, the open-endedness and like the ability to kind of have so much more freedom than you know, than anyone expects, and like that's kind of what most kids say initially, that's like your initial reaction to what college life is supposed to be like, but also the amount of resources that you know that would be available to me to kind of shape my path, the ability to like, actualize my learning so early on and, just you know, have decisions for majors, like to have the opportunities meet new people, um, really, um, really really envision a greater academic journey for me, like that is just super exciting. Doing Duke's campus. It just makes it all the better. And, like you know, having all the resources there, um, everything that they have and, of course, everything the school culture and, um, everything around that is amazing and um, um, I think it's such an environment where that's super supportive.
Speaker 2:It's super nice, super aesthetically pleasing, but also you have everything at your fingertips, kind of. And it's going to be challenging. There's going to be a lot of difficulties, maybe some bumps in the road, but academically it's going to be probably maybe a difficult learning curve in some aspects, but also the fact that all people go go through it with, can be able to see so, see so many places you know, meet so many people and just in general, have fun also while doing it is just in a great atmosphere is just going to be super, super great, I think. And you know, having the best, you know, having world-class um access to sport at my fingertips is just is just, you know, going to make it so much easier.
Speaker 2:In retrospect now, as parents, don't hold back, is there anything that we did that you thought was particularly helpful during this journey, and then anything that we definitely could have done better or been more aware of or could have been more supportive about um, yeah, so like, um I'm not 100 sure like I think, like I think you guys honestly did a pretty much as well of a job as any of you guys could, as any parent could, you know, it comes to guiding child through the process. You know being there, but also, you know, minimally invasive, I guess, like and um just doing everything being the presence that is needed, as any parent wants to be, but also, um, ensuring that your child is aware of what kind of responsibilities lie on them. And you know and cope and you're helping the child deal with the pressures, helping them deal with um, you know any kind of difficulties, you know, whether it be academic or otherwise. Um, and just you know always be willing to face whatever problem there might be. That's all super good and I think I did an amazing job with that and, like, I think, maybe if you had to want to do anything differently, like you could.
Speaker 2:I think your point may be about, like you know, keeping you know, maybe I mean it's kind of out of your control.
Speaker 2:Like you know, maybe if you're a fan of a school, keeping it out of the child's purview in a sense, like can help, like it's obviously kind of out of your control, seeing as it's not something that, like, is forced on us in the context of college.
Speaker 2:It's just something that happens to be related to that. You know, as you grow up and this reality of college faces you and like, yeah, that could be something that you know parents maybe share away from, but at the same time, again, it's kind of under your control but in the day, but also making sure that you know your child is um aware of the realities, of course, and is um just mature and emotionally mature enough to accept whatever comes their way, and but also you know to do everything they can to try and make the process easier for them to carry their mindset into it. That is what's always important and I think you guys honestly just did a great job with that, thanks. And I mean, of course, having a sibling to go through ahead of me. I mean that was probably harder for her, honestly, than it was for me. So, like, that is just, you know that that helps tremendously.
Speaker 1:Like, yeah, well, if I had to do it again, I'd be a fan and, uh, instead of having coach k stuff, I'd have have Thibodeau stuff or you know, patrick Ewing stuff instead. So but you're right, thanks, I appreciate that. Any last words of advice for anyone who is in high school. Maybe they're struggling, maybe they're about to face the college process and it looks so daunting and just hearing about, about, you know, seeing their older peers or anyone else going through it and saying this is just.
Speaker 2:I feel overwhelmed yeah, um, I think that there's more advice I'd give especially since it's so fresh in my mind, I guess is just to um and enjoy being in the present. In a sense, I kind of enjoy that. It's almost just kind of background music, because looking back, I almost think to myself, like how was I not more stressed at certain moments of the process? Like how was I not feeling more daunted and feeling more intimidated? But I also realized that, of course, being in that moment, like having everything in front of me, having so many things to worry about outside of the process, and just think about and enjoy like that obviously is just that kind of keeps you going. That keeps you going and that is super important to have. Like having having you know, systems of support, people you can talk to a way, to a way to distance yourself from the process. So that is very important. But also, when it comes to just dealing with it directly, like it's you know, having the fact that we can have variety in the schools that we apply to is just so important because it's against it. Just try and depolarize the process as much as possible to make it not a binary, you know, to make it not feel binary, because that, uh, people can fall into those thinking traps. But, um, you know, just making sure that you're not being you're not, um, over dramatizing it, you're not, you know you're not putting too much weight into one thing.
Speaker 2:Obviously that can be difficult depending on who you are and the kinds of schools you apply to, but, um, by descent, I think, for me, just realizing there's more, always more head, realizing it's a long process and you kind of even if, yeah, I mean like, at the very least it can be a long process, it depends um and again, realizing that everyone's going to the same thing and that, um, your stress is not exclusive and that, you know, regardless of how you want to cope with your stress, you can always have that reassurance that, um, that that you know it doesn't define you and that nothing that comes out of this is going to say anything about you as a person that you didn't really already know. So, um, you know the thinking beyond, like, I mean, that's a very philosophical way of thinking about it, but you, but in general, just knowing that you're going to be okay and that the stress that comes your way it's normal. So, as you go through this process, as it kind of peters out or picks up. You have to just worry about other things, first, obviously, but then obviously, as things wind down and things kind of climax, it just comes down to um being securing yourself, um realizing that it's about you. So how you feel is most important.
Speaker 2:No-transcript.