This episode offers a paced breathing guided meditation to help reduce emotional pain quickly and allow you to get through a difficult moment without making the situation worse.
When emotional arousal is high the body goes into fight or flight mode. The adrenaline pumps and blood flows to the extremities to prepare the body to face danger. This process works well if you're in real danger, but it's uncomfortable and can lead to problems when you're not. Paced breathing is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skill that rapidly sends a message to your mind and body to stop the fight or flight process and move into rest and digest by triggering your parasympathetic nervous system. This skill is DBT TIPP Skill and used as a first line of defense when emotional intensity is at it's highest. Other skills in the category are
Temperature — By placing icepacks on your face and neck or dunking your face in a bowl of ice (not lower than 50 degrees), you can rapidly lessen emotional intensity. Hold your breath and put your face in the ice-water for 30-60 seconds. This skill shouldn't be attempted if you have a heart condition.
Intense exercise – Intense cardio exercise for 15-20 minutes can decrease intense emotions for up to an hour. Go for a run or run in place, punch a punching bag or pillow, or do a You Tube workout. Here are a couple to try: 20 minute Home HIIT Workout and The Fitness Marshall (Short fun dance workouts, do 2-3 for optimal effect).
Paced breathing – This breathing exercise triggers the parasympathetic nervous system by slowing the breath and making the inhale shorter than the exhale. In this meditation, we breathed in for 4 and out for 6.
Paired muscle relaxation – In this exercise you tense and relax one muscle group at a time. When you first tense muscles before relaxing them, your muscles release more deeply than with relaxing alone. This was demonstrated on a previous episode of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.
TIPP Skills work quickly and easily to reduce emotional intensity. However, the effects are not often long lasting. If you are not read to face your day after completing your TIPP Skill, try another, or try another skills. Self-soothe by triggering the 5 senses. I recommend creating a crisis survival kit for this purpose. You can also distract with activity: playing video games, doing a puzzle, walking your dog, calling a friend, watching TV or YouTube, listening to music, baking a cake, taking a shower, going for a drive. Do not engage with the source of your emotional intensity until you're in a wise mind place.
Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.
To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups
When emotions run hot it is almost impossible to think clearly enough to solve problems.
Yet, when we’re angry, anxious, or afraid all we want is to feel better and more often than not our minds deceive us into believing if we figure out what’s wrong and fix the situation we’ll feel better, but that strategy is rarely effective.
In fact, trying to fix a problem when emotional arousal is high will often make the situation worse.
Think about it, have you ever solved a problem when your angry? I know I haven’t. Instead, I’ve bombarded my husband with texts, yelled at my kids, slammed doors or worse leaving me feeling guilty and ashamed on top of being angry. Intense emotions trick our brain into doing things that are ineffective. NO Problem is ever solved in the heat of the moment. Emotional arousal need to be reduced significantly before making a wise decision about what to do next.
Today, I’m going to share a breathing exercise that can quickly and effectively decrease emotional arousal so you can make the next right choice. It’s a guided meditation called Paced Breathing. It’s a DBT TIPP skill that triggers your parasympathetic nervous system. Keep in mind this skill is not intended to solve all your problems or even make you feel better. The goal of this exercise is to get from one moment to the next without making the situation worse.
TO BEGIN
close your eyes if you wish and take a few long, slow, deep breaths. Breath in for 4 seconds and breath out for 6
Breath in 1 and 2 and 3 and 4
Breath out 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6
Breath in 1 and 2 and 3 and 4
Breath out 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6
Notice the sensation of the air moving in through your noise and filling your lungs. And notice how it feels to breath out. Allow yourself to let go of stress, tension, and emotional suffering with each breath.
As you continue to breath in for 4 and out for 6, notice how your emotional arousal is starting to dissipate, your body is starting to relax, and your wise mind is starting to return. Continue breathing in for 4 and out for 6.
If your mind drifts away gently bring yourself back to the breath without judgement. Drifting away is part of any mindfulness practice. It’s perfectly normal and expected.
Continue to breath in for 4 and out for 6. Noticing the sensation of the breath moving through your body.
Be mindful of how your emotions have shifted during this practice. You might notice you’re able to think more clearly, act less impulsively, problem solve more effectively. Or maybe you’re not ready to problem solve and you need to further distract or self-soothe. Either way it’s okay. What matters most is you’re now able to make a choice that won’t make the situation and your suffering worse.
If there’s any remaining tension in your body breath into it, relax around it, let it go. Allow yourself to let go of all that no longer serves you.
Now take a few more long, slow, deep breaths and when you’re ready open your eyes and return your focus to the room.
Now that you’re in a more mindful state take a moment to decide how to proceed. Are you ready to dive into problem solving or do you need to process by journaling or calling a friend, or maybe you need to self-soothe with a hot bath a weighted blanket or a cup of tea. Check the show notes for more suggestions on next steps.
Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.