I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that exists within ourselves who judges and demeans us.
If you pay close attention to your thoughts you’ll soon hear this internal voice. Everyone tends to have one.
If left untamed, it can turn into a constant stream of negativity; one that can drag you down mentally and emotionally.
One of the most significant steps a person can take towards leading a happier, healthier and more peaceful life is to identify, acknowledge, and tame their inner critic.
In this podcast I describe the 7 most common types of inner critic and give you a four-step process to tame these destructive voices.
Thanks for listening!
You can discover more about my work on my website: https://www.harinderghatora.co.uk
Follow me on Instagram for free information on healthy, balanced living: https://www.instagram.com/harinder_ghatora/
I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that exists within ourselves who judges and demeans us.
If you pay close attention to your thoughts you’ll soon hear this internal voice. Everyone tends to have one.
If left untamed, it can turn into a constant stream of negativity; one that can drag you down mentally and emotionally.
One of the most significant steps a person can take towards leading a happier, healthier and more peaceful life is to identify, acknowledge, and tame their inner critic.
In this podcast I describe the 7 most common types of inner critic and give you a four-step process to tame these destructive voices.
Thanks for listening!
You can discover more about my work on my website: https://www.harinderghatora.co.uk
Follow me on Instagram for free information on healthy, balanced living: https://www.instagram.com/harinder_ghatora/
Hello,
It’s Harinder here, Holistic Life Coach. Helping you to bring peace and balance back into your life.
What would you say if I told you that I had been in a full-blown, fierce, raging war with someone in my life for the last several decades?
I’m not really an aggressive confrontational type of person but when it comes to this particular dynamic I’ve been ruthless.
Who have I been fighting over these past decades?
My inner critic.
By the time I hit thirty I realised that my worst enemy was actually residing in my own head.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that exists within ourselves who judges and demeans us.
If you pay close attention to your thoughts you’ll soon hear this internal voice. Everyone tends to have one.
If left untamed, it can turn into a constant stream of negativity; one that can drag you down mentally and emotionally.
Perhaps you can relate to some of these common inner critic statements:
"You’re so stupid."
"You’re fat."
"You’re so ugly."
"There’s something wrong with you."
“No one cares about you.
“You can’t do it.”
“You should give up.”
“Everyone’s laughing at you”
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
One of the most significant steps a person can take towards leading a happier, healthier and more peaceful life is to identify, acknowledge, and tame their inner critic.
Here are the 7 types of critical inner voices that have been identified by psychologists. It’s interesting to point out at this stage that ultimately your inner critic is trying to help you in some warped kind of way. I’ve therefore also included the functions that each type seeks to perform in your life.
See if you can recognise any of these voices in your head?
There’s the Perfectionist
I know this one very very well. This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly. It sets high standards for the things you produce, and stops you putting your work out into the world.
It tries to make sure that you fit in and that you won’t be judged, ridiculed or rejected.
Then there’s the Guilt-Tripper
This critic is stuck in the past. It’s unable to forgive you for wrongs you’ve committed or people you’ve hurt. It’s concerned about relationships and holds you to standards of behaviour prescribed by your community, culture and family.
It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never forget or feel free.
We also have the Underminer
This critic tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you won’t take risks. It makes direct attacks on your self-worth so that you stay small and don’t take chances where you run the risk of being hurt or rejected.
It’s afraid that you’ll become too big or too visible and that you won’t be able to tolerate judgment or failure.
There’s also the Destroyer
This critic makes pervasive attacks on your core self-worth. It shames you and makes you feel inherently flawed, as though you’re not entitled to basic understanding or respect. This is one of the most debilitating inner critics to have, and it comes from deprivation or trauma in early life.
It’s motivated by a belief that it’s safer to simply not exist.
Then we have the Moulder
This critic tries to get you to fit into a certain mould based on standards held by society, your culture, or your family. It wants you to be liked and admired and wants to protect you from being abandoned, shamed or rejected.
The Moulder fears that the rebel or free spirit within you will act in ways that are unacceptable to others. Consequently, it keeps you from being in touch with and expressing your true nature.
Then there’s the Taskmaster
This critic wants you to work hard and be successful. It fears that you’re mediocre or lazy and that you will be judged a failure if it doesn’t push you to keep going. Funnily enough, its pushing often activates a procrastinator or rebel self that fights against its harsh dictates.
And, finally we have the Inner Controller
This critic tries to control your impulses: eating, drinking, sexual activity, etc. Its biggest fear is that the indulgent part of you will get completely out of control at any moment. It tends to be harsh and shaming in an effort to protect you from yourself. Its motivation is to make you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society.
I had a whole committee of these critics plaguing me when I was younger; the most prominent ones being the Perfectionist (she still rears her ugly little head every now and again), the Taskmaster and the Moulder. They would constantly undermine me and made my inner life an absolute misery.
But then, one day, with the help of my first therapist, I suddenly realised what was going on.
Enough was enough.
I decided to tackle each of them head-on and end all this ridiculous suffering.
I restored my inner peace and reclaimed my power. My inner world belonged to me and not to this cast of vicious characters.
If you can relate to any of what I’ve said then you may be interested in the process I use to this day whenever, on the rare occasion, I notice one of these voices in my head.
Here’s what you can do to tame your inner critic.
Step 1: Become Aware
Begin to actively listen out for the negative soundtrack playing in the backdrop of your life. Notice your thoughts and pay attention to your feelings. They will often alert you to the existence of an activated inner critic.
For example, if you’re working on something and all of a sudden you start questioning yourself, feel your energy decreasing, get stuck, bored, anxious or tired, recognise that your inner critic is speaking to you. He or she has shown up!
Step 2: Listen
Listen to what this harsh side of you is actually saying. What words are being used? What insecurities are being expressed? What are you being warned away from doing?
The inner critic’s self-talk tends to fall into one of two categories: ‘bad self’ and ‘weak self’.
The ‘bad self’ is shame-based. Those who struggle with it may feel unlovable, flawed, undesirable, inferior, inadequate, deserving of punishment and/or incompetent.
The ‘weak self’ is based on fear and anxiety. This type of self-talk may leave a person feeling dependent on others, unable to support themselves, submissive, unable to express emotions without fearing something bad will happen, vulnerable, worried about loss of control, mistrustful, isolated, deprived or abandoned.
Attentively listening to the dialogue going on will give you a clue as to which type of inner critic you are dealing with.
Step 3: Empathise
We all know that what we resist, persists, so instead of pushing the inner critic away, embrace it momentarily by identifying with it. Show it some empathy. Afterall it is a part of you and, as I said at the start of this podcast, it is trying to help you in some weird way. You could do this, for example, by saying, “Look, I understand you’re terrified of getting hurt and feeling rejected. I know you’re trying to protect me from these feelings, but …”
Then quickly move onto Step 4: Challenge
Express your feelings and challenge the underlying unhealthy beliefs. You can do this by talking directly to your inner critic.
For example, “You’re not helping … I don’t like it when you talk to me this way … you’re stopping me from getting what I want and need … I’ll be okay … I’ll be able to cope with whatever happens … I CAN do it.”
You’ll have to repeat this step again and again until you eventually silence your inner critic. It may take a little bit of time but you will win if you keep challenging it. You’ll also need to continue doing whatever your inner voice was trying to stop you from doing, so that it gets the message loud and clear that you’re not paying any attention to its advice.
If your inner critic is particularly disruptive and acting out, try these simple but effective responses:
So what? So what if you think that? That doesn’t mean it’s true.
Who cares? You think your judgments mean something to me? Well, they don’t!
Why not? Why shouldn’t I do this? You’re telling me I can’t? I won’t? I’m not worthy of it? Why not? I’m going to continue doing this anyway, because I can! No matter what you say, I’m just going to keep going.
Can you feel how empowering these responses are? They challenge your inner critic head on.
When we relate to the inner critic in this way, we take away its power and regain our own.
This process takes a little effort at the start, but once you begin showing your inner critic who’s boss and that you really don’t care what it’s telling you, it will eventually shut up and go away.
As I’m sure you’ve realised from the descriptions of the different types of inner critic, some issues have their roots deep in your psyche. In these cases, it’s advisable to seek support from a trained professional.
And, if you think it’s not worth making the effort to change, then I’d invite you to think again.
It is important.
As the psychotherapist and author Catherine Cardinal points out:
“Low self-esteem results when the inner critic prevails.”
And we know that low self-esteem is a recipe for unhappiness, poor health, and a lack of well-being. We all deserve better than that.
Okay, that’s it for now. Enjoy the rest of your day. And, remember, take excellent care of yourself because we both know that if you don’t know-one else will.
Bye for now.