How to Handle Difficult Emotions

Do you remember the last time you struggled with a difficult emotion?

Do you know how to handle your feelings when you seem overwhelming?

In this episode I outline ten strategies to help you deal with difficult feelings so that you can quickly regain your sense of calmness, balance and personal poise.

Resources Mentioned

Blog: How to Release Suppressed Anger

Book: The Power of Speaking Your Truth: How to Become Confident and Assertive

Thanks for listening!

You can discover more about my work on my website: https://www.harinderghatora.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram for free information on healthy, balanced living: https://www.instagram.com/harinder_ghatora/

Transcript

How to Handle Difficult Emotions

 Hi, It’s Harinder here, holistic life coach and counsellor, helping you to bring peace and balance back into your life.

I want to talk about something that affects all of us as humans – difficult emotions. 

We all experience times in our lives when our emotions get the better of us. 

I’m pretty sure that like me you’ve had an experience at some point where a strong emotional response has left you feeling overwhelmed, out of control and even frightened. 

An experience where intense feelings  such as of anger, anxiety, despair, shame, guilt and even disappointment have appeared instantly and unexpectedly, and have had a negative effect on your attitude and behaviour in ways that have caused you, and those around you, to experience distress. 

So, how do you deal with these episodes? 

At the most basic level, it is important to remember that all emotions are simply surges of energy moving around within us. The clue is in the word itself: an emotion is ‘e’ for energy in ‘motion’. 

Although difficult emotions can make us feel uncomfortable, it’s important to remember that the energy itself cannot harm us. It is our reaction to this energy that often causes the problem. So, there is no reason to be afraid of the emotion in and of itself. 

Due to their energetic nature, emotions come and go in waves; they rise and fall. So even though some emotions can be intense and overwhelming in the moment, it is important to remember that, given time, they do pass. 

Most of us have never been taught to manage our emotions effectively. We usually do the easiest thing in the moment, which is to push the difficult feeling down and try to ignore it. Whilst this can be a good short-term strategy, in the long term it causes problems. If we get into the habit of suppressing our emotions a point always comes when this energy cannot remain suppressed and it bubbles up in order to be released, often causing huge amounts of distress and turmoil in the process. 

At those times, when the intensity of our emotions may be threatening to overwhelm us, there are some simple strategies that anyone can use to help deal with them more effectively.

Firstly, become aware of your breathing.

The easiest and most effective way to soothe and calm intense feelings is through the breath. By taking your awareness to your breath and making each breath long, slow and deep, you send strong and clear messages to the nervous system that all is well. This allows the body and mind to relax. 

I am sure you already know that there is a real and direct link between the length, depth and pace of your breath and your emotional state. The next time you’re overwhelmed by a strong feeling, put one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, and bring your consciousness to your breath. Become aware of each breath as it comes into your nose goes down into your lungs and back out from your mouth. Mindfully follow each breath as it enters and leaves your body. Continue to focus on your breathing as the wave of emotional energy works its way through you. 

If, and when you are able to, deepen your breathing by consciously breathing into your abdomen so that your hand rises and falls with each breath. Then, try to gently extend your outbreath and see if you can make it twice as long as your in-breath. You will find that no matter how intense the feeling you will be able to ride the wave.

Secondly, give yourself permission to take time out to compose yourself

Strong emotions can arise at inconvenient and inappropriate times. Believe me I know! Looking back at life I don’t remember my panicky feelings respecting what I was doing or who I was with. 

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to leave a situation for a few minutes. If you are in company you can always excuse yourself for a short while to give yourself some space… then use the breathing technique just discussed to help ride the wave until the intense emotion has passed, which it will. 

Thirdly, you can contact supportive people and discuss your feelings or the situation you find yourself in. 

Talking helps us to acknowledge and move emotions through us and helps us make sense of what is going in our inner and outer worlds. It is helpful to share your feelings but remember to only do so with people that you trust. You don’t want your private business shared with everyone, or your vulnerabilities being used against you at a later date.  

Talking through an issue can make you feel less isolated and also help you to see your situation in a different light. It enables you to honour your emotions by giving them expression which allows them to gently dissipate.

Fourthly, you can write down your feelings in a private journal

Journaling is a highly effective tool for managing difficult emotions. It can be done in the moment when you feel an intense emotion coming up, or it can be used to deal with feelings from the immediate or even distant past.

The joy of journaling is that it is a private and personal activity in which you can express yourself fully without the need for self-censure. The process of writing releases the emotions so that they are no longer held inside of you. It can also help you process your thoughts and stop you from ruminating. Closing and putting away the journal can be a symbolic closure on the distressing events or feelings. 

If you feel you are holding onto intense energy from the past then discover how to release it safely by reading my blog How to Release Suppressed Anger. In fact, the technique can be used for any emotion. I’ve included a link in the show notes.

Number five: speak up when an issue is important to you

Many difficult emotions arise from situations where matters are left unresolved. Learning to be assertive and communicating your thoughts and feelings to others in a calm, clear and respectful way can help deal with such situations. This technique is most effective when you spend time to think about the problem and clarify your position in your own mind before you discuss it with others. 

If you’d like to learn to overcome any passive, quiet or compliant tendencies that you have which may be contributing to you suppressing your feelings then be sure to check my book: The Power of Speaking Your Truth: How to Become Confident and Assertive. This is an easy to read, down to earth, self-help guide that will take you on a journey from passiveness to assertiveness. I’ve included a link in this episode’s show notes.

Number six: get creative

Our emotions are always seeking expression so why not engage in some creative pursuits around them? You can draw or paint your emotions. Sometimes it’s easier to come up with colours, shapes and images as opposed to spoken or written words.

I’ve recently introduced a new practice into my evening routine. I ask myself ‘how am I feeling right now’ and I mentally scan my body. Then, instead of trying to put words to the energies I am experiencing, which I find hard after a long, often tiring day, I use colours and images to record my observations. I’m no artist but any stretch of the imagination but I’ve surprised myself at how things are coming to mind. And, I feel more connected to myself than ever. 

If you had to draw your anger, sadness, guilt, shame or fear what would it look like? Pick the emotion you are dealing with and really connect with it by giving it a colour, a shape, a texture. How big would it be? Would it fill the whole page or would it take up a tiny little corner space? What images come to mind?

I made myself laugh the other day. I’d had a very long and arduous day and when I tried to express the feeling I was carrying around in my stomach, an image of a person who had been flattened by a steam roller came to mind. The minute I drew a stick person lying in the middle of the road the feeling instantly shifted and the joy came in. This is a very powerful technique that’s worth a go. 

Number 7: be kind to yourself

Stressful times call for additional, and sometimes, extreme self-care. When you are going through a period of internal unrest then you need to take extra care of yourself, physically and mentally. 

This can take many forms depending on your preferences. Doing small things that give you comfort and provide you with a mental "mini-holiday" can make all the difference. For example, you could take a quiet walk in the park, soak in a relaxing bubble bath, listen to your favourite music, or go to bed early with your favourite book. 

Many of us underestimate the power of good self-care habits and routines. We don’t always give ourselves the love, time and attention that we deserve. But these things make a massive difference to the quality of our lives. Figuring out which self-soothing practices work best for us can significant help us get through difficult times.

Number 8. if you’re experiencing a powerful surge of emotional energy you can temporarily try to distract yourself

Distraction can serve as a powerful tool in handling difficult emotions. Deliberately concentrating on something else in the moment can prevent feelings of complete overwhelm. One of the best forms of distraction is physical exercise or any activity in which you move your body. Not only does this provide a distraction for your mind, but it also helps to expend pent up emotional energy thus allowing it to be quickly released.

Number 9: actively engage in your regular routines.

Periods of emotional distress have the potential to throw everything in our lives out of order. So, making the effort to engage in the regular, routine things that you would do on any average day can help you to provide some familiar, structure, distraction and reassurance. These things can help you regain some sense of personal control.  

And, finally number 10: speak to a professional listener

Emotions carry important messages for us all. They need to be acknowledged and understood. They are often alerting us to the fact that something in our life is not right.

If you experience difficult emotions on a regular basis then the reasons behind these feelings need to be explored and addressed. 

One of the most effective ways in which to do this is through therapy. Psychotherapy offers a safe, confidential and non-judgmental space in which you reconnect with your emotions, acknowledge them, explore where they may be coming from and give them space to be healed and released. 

I’ve worked as a therapist for very many years and see first-hand the havoc that difficult emotions can cause in a person’s life. I have also had the honour and privilege of watching people’s inner and outer worlds transform as they begin to reconnect with, and learn to express, their emotions. 

I hope this episode has given you some strategies to employ the next time you find yourself struggling with difficult feelings. If you enjoyed listening, then don’t forget to subscribe to that you don’t miss any future episodes. Also, head on over to my website and subscribe to my mailing list for more free information on healthy balanced living. There’s a link in the show notes. 

And, remember, take good care of yourself, because we both know that if you don’t, no-one else will. 

Bye for now.