Are you always comparing yourself to others?

Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others?

Do you find yourself thinking that other people have more than you or are better than you in some way?

This comparison game is as old as humanity itself. I guess we all want to know how we measure up to other people. This helps us understand ourselves and helps us figure out how and where we fit into society. 

In recent times, however, social comparison has risen to a whole new crazy level primarily thanks to social media.  If my client work is anything to go by it’s become an epidemic.

For most people, the tendency to continually compare themselves with others gives rise to a whole host of negative feelings: envy, anger, resentment, bitterness, anxiety and depression. It causes deep psychological distress, and results in constant feelings of inadequacy and misery. Ultimately, it can lead to a diminished and damaged sense of self. 

If you’re prone to engaging in this soul-destroying habit and find yourself constantly feeling bad about yourself and your life, then this podcast is for you.

Thanks for listening!

You can discover more about my work on my website: https://www.harinderghatora.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram for free information on healthy, balanced living: https://www.instagram.com/harinder_ghatora/

Transcript

Are you always comparing yourself to others?

Hello, it’s Harinder here, Holistic Life Coach and Counsellor, helping you to bring peace and balance back into your life. 

I have the great pleasure of working with some young people… some are in their late teens, and some are in their twenties. 

 I have to say they greatly inspire me. 

They make me laugh. They introduce me to new, weird and wacky words. They educate me on new points of etiquette. For example, did you know that it was rude to put a full stop at the end of a text…? 

These young adults also sometimes challenge my view of the world and give me lots of food for thought. 

 There is however one thing that I’ve noticed that seriously plagues this age group to the point where it has a very detrimental impact on their mental and emotional health. That is the tendency to constantly compare themselves with others and as a consequence, feel bad about themselves. 

If we’re honest with ourselves, we know that we all do this to come extent. It doesn’t matter how old we are. 

Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others?

Do you find yourself thinking that other people have more than you or are better than you in some way?

This comparison game is as old as humanity itself.

I guess we all want to know how we measure up to other people. This helps us understand ourselves and helps us figure out how and where we fit into society.

In recent times, however, social comparison has risen to a whole new crazy level primarily thanks to social media. 

If my client work is anything to go by it’s become an epidemic.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And he was right.

For most people, the tendency to continually compare themselves with others gives rise to a whole host of negative feelings: envy, anger, resentment, bitterness, anxiety and depression.

It causes deep psychological distress, and results in constant feelings of inadequacy and misery.

Ultimately, it can lead to a diminished and damaged sense of self. 

If you’re prone to engaging in this soul-destroying habit and find yourself constantly feeling bad about yourself and your life, here’s are some things to reflect on and do. 

1. Boost Your Self-Worth

Feeling bad about yourself is firmly rooted in your self-worth. 

If you feel good about yourself and your achievements, what others are doing won’t bother you at all.

On the other hand, if you have a poor image of yourself, you will go out of your way to find evidence that you’re a failure.

Seeking out people who are ‘better’ than you only serves to reinforce the limiting belief you hold about yourself.

It makes you feel worse, and in this way, you continue the downward spiral. 

So, task number one is to actively work on improving your view of yourself. 

We recently ran a series of posts on how to do this in the Complete Confidence Facebook Group. Why not join the community and get a daily dose of motivation and micro-coaching? It totally free. (There’s a link in the show notes.)

2. Increase Your Self-Awareness

All personal transformation starts with greater self-awareness.

Many people engage in social comparisons without even realising that that is what they’re doing. It’s such a habitual way of being for them that they’re not even aware of the thoughts and feelings that arise within them.

The solution therefore lies in becoming conscious.

You need to bring these comparative thoughts to the forefront of your consciousness by actively looking out for them.

If you focus on these thoughts for a few days, it will get easier to notice what you’re doing.

And, once you realise that you’re making these comparisons, you can simply press pause and choose a different focus.

You can consciously replace the negative thoughts with more positive ones.

3. Become Aware of and Avoid Your Triggers

Start noticing the situations that prompt you to play the comparison game. Social media is a big one for most of us.

But what about other circumstances?

Is there a certain person who’s constantly bragging about this or that, or who asks you questions about your life that are intended to make you feel inferior?

Are there certain activities, such as strolling through a high-end shopping centre or driving through an expensive neighbourhood, that frequently make you feel discontented with your life (when you were feeling just fine an hour before)?

Make a list of who and what you frequently envy or compare yourself to.

Write down the negative effects that each of these comparisons has on you, and why it’s actually a waste of your time.

Once you’ve identified the triggers, avoid them if you can, especially if the activity or contact doesn’t add meaning or any real value to your life.

4. Realise that Making Comparisons Is Unfair

Now, we all know that the social media world is a fake one. Hardly anyone displays their worst traits/moments in public, so the images you’re comparing yourself to are not the whole truth about the other person.

Remind yourself that you’re not comparing like with like. You can’t compare someone’s outside with your inside!

Subjective comparisons like this are always unfair.

We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.

This makes the whole ‘game’ skewed and utterly pointless.

5. Recognise that Having Stuff Does Not Equate to Happiness

Don’t be fooled into thinking that people with loads of ‘stuff’ are happy. If you do my job you know for a fact that many aren’t.

We all know that things, in and of themselves, don’t bring happiness.

In fact, it’s well established that beyond having the basics in life, wealth is not associated with increased happiness or well-being.

So next time you’re looking at a smiley, perfectly made-up face on Instagram take a moment to reflect on what could possibly be going on under the surface. 

The truth is you don’t know for sure and you probably never will know. 

6. Understand that You’re in a No-Win Situation

You can never win at the comparison game. There’s always going to be someone out there who has more, is more, than you.

There’s no end to the possible number of comparisons you could make.

The habit can never be overcome by attaining success or acquiring possessions simply because there will always be something – or someone – else to focus on. 

The next time you find yourself eying up a mansion with a swimming pool, a gym, a steam and sauna room, walk-in wardrobes, huge grounds that come with a team of staff, briefly take a look in the other direction: a shanty town where people virtually live on top of each other and there is no light, no space and no sanitation. 

If you are going to compare, then anchor yourself in the right place along the whole poverty to wealth spectrum. 

7. Resolve to Quit Wasting Time

Understand that comparisons are a complete waste of your time. They keep you focused on other people and their lives and distract you from the important things that you should be doing to improve yourself and your life.

Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute spent wasting your own.

There are 1,440 minutes in each day. Using even one of those to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is one minute too many.

You can never get that time back, so use your time wisely.

8. Count Your Blessings

A better way to live life is to focus on what you do have and what you’re already blessed with.

This includes your own personal qualities.

Gratitude is a very high frequency energy which, according to the Law of Attraction will naturally bring into your life more things that you can be grateful for. 

If you keep your focus on what you don’t have, you feel bad, when you feel bad you lower your energetic frequency and this blocks the exact things you want from manifesting in your life. 

I am sure you know that keeping a gratitude journal everyday where you write down all the things you are grateful for has been shown to have a magically transformative impact on your inner and outer world.  Check out Rhonda Burns book ‘The Magic’ if you’d like to learn how to get the universe to work with and for you as opposed to against you. 

9. Focus on Your Strengths

Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are.

Celebrate them! Be proud of them. Feel good about them and work on using them to your best advantage.

There is not a single person out there in the world you hasn’t been blessed with something of value, or has done something they can be proud of. Your job is to identify what these things are and keep them at the front of your mind. 

The truth is you’re too unique to compare fairly with anyone else.

Your strengths, gifts, talents, successes, contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be rightly measured against anyone else.

10. Use Comparison as a Motivator

Instead of using comparisons to make yourself feel bad, why not use them to improve the things that actually matter to you in your own life?

The only time the comparison game is productive is when you notice something in another person that carries deep worth for you.

Examples include kindness, generosity, serenity and humility.

Who do you admire?

What kinds of comparisons might actually be healthy for you?

Who inspires you to be the best version of yourself?

Notice your responses and find ways of bringing more of those positive qualities into your life.

11. How about Comparing Yourself … to Yourself

Rather than comparing yourself to other people, get into the habit of comparing your present self with your past self.

See how much you’ve grown, what you’ve achieved, and the progress you’ve made towards your goals.

This practice has the benefit of fostering gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself.

As you begin to observe how far you’ve come, the obstacles you’ve overcome, and the good deeds you’ve done, the difference you’ve made to others, you will feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.

Breaking free of the destructive habit of comparison may require some effort, but the rewards are significant: greater self-acceptance, more contentment, and the freedom to be yourself.

And remember, you can always admire someone else’s beauty without diminishing your own.

Okay… that’s it for now. If you enjoyed listening, then do subscribe and be sure to get onto my mailing list from the home page of my website. There’s a link in the show notes.

So, take excellent care of yourself because we both know that if you don’t, no-one else will. 

Bye for now!