One such action to take (amongst other Relapse Prevention Tools) is to write a "Goodbye Letter" after achieving one year sobriety anniversary. Personify Sex, Porn, Love Addiction as a real person with whom you have been in a real affair. Your partner has not had you 100% to themselves and has shared you with this other person.
In the letter addressed to Mrs Sex, Porn, Love addiction, tell the behaviour about the good times that you had together; how it was a friend when you needed her comfort. It was such an important friend. Then tell the behaviour how it did not tell you the entire truth and withheld some of the facts from you; that you have now found out the full truth and continue to discover more.
Mention the betrayal; how it caused you to keeping returning for more; but how it was increasing your SHAME (which caused you to stay hidden); how it played on NARCISSISTIC tendencies (which you denied as being any part of you and belonged to others); the DETTACMENT/ATTACHMENT issues experienced by you in relationships with others; the heartaches and casualties you have experienced; how you have ended the relationship.
Say "Goodbye"......forever.
Contact The Kairos Centre for a model template letter.
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Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.
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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Inner Child Work |