Core Emotional Needs, such as Approval, Attention, Security, Respect (and more) get depleted over time and as human beings, getting them met, and kept topped up, is not optional. We will consciously, but mostly unconsciously Fight/Flight/Freeze in order to get them met.
They desire to be met. You are in danger zone for Acting out, as a way to fulfil those needs - temporarily. Yet, temporarily (at the time), is good enough and promises a fix.
Fight may take the form of passive-aggressive. You are out of sort with a partner and you know that they know; they are worried that because of it, you may Act out; but you throw caution to the wind and don't care. In fact, quietly, you are pleased they fear you might act out. That is a way you get back at them and give them their "comeuppance".
You know what Flight response looks like don't you? That is when you run into the arms of "Mrs Porn" or "Mrs Sex" or the pursuit of love & affection. Here is my definition of Flight: You move yourself out of the place where you perceive that your Core Emotional Needs are not being met and instead, put yourself in a place where you perceive your Core Emotional Needs will more likely be met.
Freeze, isn't entirely freeze! It is more about "just getting on with life". Just don't think about it. Throw caution to the wind. Self-pity maybe.
Getting Core Emotional Needs met is not negotiable. At some point you will be doing Fight/Flight/Freeze, to get them met.
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Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.
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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy |