Sex Addiction may mean the true YOU never fully evolved and got ambushed

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Let's talk about how well you really know yourself. Remember that the addiction behaviours are all about self-soothing to manage emotions; a time of escape from life's issues for a while. It means that many other life skills for managing emotions such as stress, pressure, anxiety, upset and other normal emotions, may never have been learned in childhood, because the addiction behaviours became the 'go-to' drug of choice.

Core Emotional Needs

Which are your top 3 Core Emotional Needs? Is it Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security or Support? 

Be aware of your top 10 Core Emotional Needs, but even more importantly, be very sure that you know your top 3 core emotional needs. The very fact that we are human, means that we have these 10 core emotional needs, which have to be met. When life and circumstances do not keep these needs topped up and some dwindle beyond our critical level, then we will react, often unconsciously. Fight or flight will soon demand attention when our core emotional needs are not being met. 

Fight can take the form of creating conflicts, but not being aware that we are being more contentious than usual! Flight means that we move away from a situation, into a place where we think our needs will be better met. That can take the form of longer hours at work because work or the people in the work place bring a form of comfort. They are danger zones unless we begin to read the signs. 

Our partner plays a part in meeting our Core Emotional Needs, but they are not responsible. They cannot meet all of those needs. All of the systems within which we interact (such as work, home life, social, sports etc) play a part in meeting those needs, not one person only. 

In the survey to determine the top 10 Core Emotional Needs, most women can identify with the need for Security within their top 3. Most men chose Respect. Couples do an Exercise with me to identify their top 3 most important Core Emotional Needs.

When you have ranked your top 3, try ranking your partner’s top 3. Then have a discussion. What you do not know, then you cannot affect or do much about. What you know about and can see, then you can affect for good – or chose not to – but you now have choice! 

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.

Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, 

Transcript

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Sex porn love addiction is all about self-soothing to manage your emotions. It got set up back in the childhood development years. It's just not about sex, it's not about porn. It's all about the repeated use as set up the physiology to crave those dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, self-manufactured drugs in the body. It's impacting women, men, children, age 10 to 75 across all the age ranges, the sexes, the cultures, the professions. It increased exponentially during COVID lockdown and impacting so many lives. The Kairos Center has created the first online comprehensive Sex Porn Love Addiction. It's a video on demand recovery program which you can access from anywhere in the world and begin to see identifiable changes just within six weeks of beginning this weekly program. Kairos means your appointed time. Isn't it your time to reclaim your life? Bring colour back to life without shame. Click the link below and begin your journey. You owe it to yourself and to others. This next exercise is about understanding those core emotional needs that all of us have and cannot be denied. The fact that we're human beings means we all of us have the need for these top ten core emotional needs to be met. Some really clever people have done some research and have identified that there are a top ten number of core needs. What are we talking about here? The need to feel acceptance, affection, appreciation, approval, attention, support, security, respect, encouragement is about you identifying what is your top three most important core emotional need out of those ten. Remember what I constantly am saying is that I would suggest over ninety percent of couples in conflict that come into my office or I work with online are in conflict, in dispute over their depleted and unmet core emotional needs. That's a big statement. I would suggest probably over 95% of such couples in conflict is because of their core emotional needs not being met. And they're doing something to try and get those needs met, but working away in the unconscious, remember. They're not often aware of why they're fighting. It's never about the top of the toothpaste. It's never about the toilet seat that I keep telling you about to put down. Core means it goes to the heart of me. It's foundational, it goes to the very heart of who I am. So core emotional needs are not negotiable. And the way I view them is over time, the different systems that we interact in aren't meeting and keeping topped up those core emotional needs. It's not just your partner that's responsible to keep your sense of acceptance, affection, approval, comfort, encouragement, respect, security met and topped up all the time. Let's say on a continuum of one to ten, to keep it topped up up to eight, nine, ten. It's not solely your partner. We get those core needs met in all the different systems. For example, the workplace, our work gives us a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment, and so it's a heavy responsibility to place on your partner to keep all of those core needs topped up, but for sure your partner plays a very significant part in depleting by not meeting those core needs over time, and you see, for long periods of time, we just learn to get on with life because it's just the way life is, and anyway, we can't really name the thing that's going on in our life where we're fighting, flighting, freezing with the other person. We don't have the vocabulary to say I really verbally attacked you and went after you because for the last six months you just haven't complimented me or given me a sense of feeling appreciated and approved, secure, respected, and constantly you're giving that to other people, and I just don't get that met. Now, sometimes we can voice it like that, but most of the time we don't have the language to tell the other person that's why we're upset with them, and that's why we just balled them out, just because they asked if we wanted a cup of tea. We don't understand why we're reacting to the other person quite the way that we just did. At times we catch ourselves and think, wow, that was a bit over the top, even on my dot. The way I responded to that request or comment by the other person, gosh, what's going on for me? And we can't always find what's going on for me. Send me a message. It's time to get your relationship back onto a better footing for your future. Let's do some work without shame and bring colour back to life. Send the email, send the message to me, Gary McFarlane at the Kairos Center, and let's begin to reclaim your quality of life.