Sex Addict....more of this thing called Life Stage Changes

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Life Stages (not Midlife Crises!) is about how Human Development is divided into distinct Stages. Here is a reminder of those Stages:

Prenatal -> infancy -> early childhood -> middle childhood -> adolescence -> early adulthood -> middle adulthood -> late adulthood.

It is stating the obvious, but recognise (and not only pay lip-service) to the fact that each Stage is marked by certain unique traits, patterns, behaviours, thought processes and its own individual characteristics. 

Therefore, each Stage has its own challenges - where it can feel like an unfair moving of the goal posts; an unfair shift which impacts the dynamics of the relationship and the (signed!) Manifesto terms of partnership role which you each had signed up to at the beginning of the relationship or had evolved over time. It is reasonable for one partner to cry 'foul' and 'unfair' - when they are experiencing the shifts; a moving of the goal post.

We are all developing as Human Beings. That continues until we leave planet Earth! There will be these milestones. They will raise challenges.

We will need to negotiate our way through how our unique individual self, with our culture - ever evolving - creates challenges in relationships and puts pressures upon it.

Since it is an ongoing lifetime process, there are times when partners may be left scratching their heads and asking 'What just happened' or 'What's going on' and not be able to readily find answers or an explanation; made worse because the changing and evolving other partner, may also not themself understand or know why they are doing or not doing those certain actions/inaction and are left scratching their own head.

The couple may need input from a Therapist.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.

Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,

Transcript

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Sex porn love addiction is all about self-soothing to manage your emotions. It got set up back in the childhood development years. It's just not about sex, it's not about porn. It's all about the repeated use to set up the physiology to crave those dopamines, the retonent, oxytocin, self-manufactured drugs in the body. It's impacting women, men, children aged 10 to 75 across all the age ranges, the sexes, the cultures, the professions. It increased exponentially during COVID lockdown and impacting so many lives. The Kairos Center has created the first online comprehensive sex porn love addiction. It's a video on demand recovery program which you can access from anywhere in the world and begin to see identifiable changes just within six weeks of beginning this weekly program. Kairos means your appointed time. Isn't it your time to reclaim your life? Bring colour back to life without shame. Click the link below and begin your journey. You owe it to yourself and to others. So this article, human beings like all living creatures on the planet, have a life cycle. Each stage of this cycle is marked by subtle adjustments. The subtle adjustments means so often taking place outside of the visible, the unconscious. It's where it's taking place. There are adjustments to enable us to cope with the social, economical, cultural, sometimes chronic stresses of the stage that we're in. Let us get acquainted with the stages of life and the life stage adjustments expected during the different phases of life. So the infant, birth up to age two, changes in schedules, bedtime routines, strangers, and chaos can cause anxiety during this stage, need stability, repeat, repeat. So the brain is taking in those early templates that are going to shape how the child goes on later on to do life in certain areas, in certain ways, in certain patterns. The child now, moving from infant to child, from age three to nine years old, we're now thinking about separation anxiety can be seen as the children start going to school and are left with these horrendously long periods of time in this place called the school, away from a parent. That's quite a wrench to the brain. Where I've never had to leave home for so long without seeing parents. Leave homes? Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? Well, first time you left home, went off to university, went off somewhere else for a whole period of time, leaving home can be quite impactful. I know for some of you, welcomed because of the dysfunctional way family life took a toll on you. But for most others, I think that first time leaving the home can be quite dramatic and impactful and catch us unawares. So think about the three to nine year old who is now required to start this place, to start going to this place called school for maybe four hours, six hours a day. Separation anxiety when starting school. Peer pressure, romantic relationships. No longer a girl seen as kissing and yuck because those hormones have started to change. The opposite sex becomes more interesting and worth a foray in finding out a little bit more about them. Romantic relationships develop. Independent identity are common changes during this phase of puberty. And these may bring about strong emotional reactions and risks in behaviors as we're learning to transition into adulthood beyond childhood. Puberty. It involves some risk taking as we experiment in finding our way. And remember, it's a period when all those hormones are just shooting around in the body. So often a lot of us think, well, I transitioned through that phase of puberty quite easily. I don't think I was particularly problematic in any way. Well, it doesn't have to be negative, but what I always say is actually you need to ask the others that lived with you during that phase, because they're more likely to give you a different story as to how they received you during this puberty phase. They may tell you something quite different to what you perceived. Isn't that also the same in the partnership relationship where you perceive there's a lesser than impactfulness of you, but somebody else experiences you very different. After all, I live with me, you live with you all the time. I do life how I do life. That's the problem. The problem is often we're received very differently by the other person, and what we perceive is actually the way we are acting and interacting and doing life. Give them the benefit of the doubt. The next phase is that young adulthood from age twenty to twenty nine. For some university, a form of college, taking up a new job, starting a family. It's a strange term starting a family. Having babies, having children. That's what I prefer to say. And buying a house, actually some of the real big stresses. Getting married, new job, buying a house, first child, massive, massive stresses. There's an article that I have which I can send to anyone that asks it about the massive impact a first child will have on the relationship, but the levels of stresses that come out of it depends so much more on was that first child planned or not planned? And so much research was done to show the difference in the impact negatively on the relationship, dependent upon whether that first child was planned or unplanned, expected or surprised, nonetheless wanted, but a surprise. They are big stresses, and they are significant events during this age twenty to twenty-nine. And those events may demand us moving out of our usual comfort zones. Massive change shifts. The next phase is the adulthood from age thirty to thirty-nine. There's something about managing family, career growth with increased responsibility. Those increased responsibilities reliant upon us may lead to significant stresses, but we think we're coping because life has prepared us to just get on with life, and our careers may have been stressful, anxious, provoking. So over the years we've learned to live with layers of stress, it's just a part of life. So we may not recognize very easily the extra layers of stress that have come upon us during this period of time, but it might be oozing out of us, but the we don't, but we don't easily see it. But somebody else might be on the receiving end of our negative outworking of the higher levels of stress. Worth having a conversation? Depends, of course, the extent to which those individuals knew you in an earlier age group life stage so they can make comparisons. Worth having a conversation with family members? You're gonna have to have a good relationship so that they can be as neutral and independent in helping you to better gain some information to see if there are shifts. Approach them carefully and cautiously. Let's do some work without shame and bring colour back to life. Send the email, send the message to me, Gary McFarlane at the Kairos Center, and let's begin to reclaim your quality of life.