Sex addict - learn to get up, dust off & get back in

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

When you do Therapy/Counselling with The Kairos Centre, there are these 3 Stages which summarise the process:

Stage one: Explore - that is what we do in the 50 minutes session. We jump into the sand pit together to talk, discuss and explore the issues.

Stage two: Reflections in order to gain Insight & Understanding. That is what you do outside of the sessions. It is actually the most important stage, because that is when you make connections based on the Stage one Exploring.

Stage three: Action/Change - now that you have Explored and Reflected, you may want to do something with the insights gained; with the issues moved from the unconscious into the conscious. You will do a lot of this Action/Change yourself; but at other times, you will need help from your Therapist.

The Pothole Poem is a lovely summary and reminder of the frustrations of repeating the problem and even worse, repeating them even after you can now see and recognise them in the consciousness. "Then why do I keep repeating the patterns"? 

Because the behaviours have often had decades of presence in your life - on repeat and you expect to change them within days or weeks. Not really feasible, because they will have become neural Pathways/hamster wheel behaviour patterns/habits. It takes time to break down neural pathways and change them to positive welcomed habits/practices. 

There are no quick fixes with Sex/Porn/Love Addiction Recovery. Hence, I do not talk about someone achieving sobriety until one year from their last 'Acting out' behaviour.

Read the poem - A poem by Portia Nelson, published in her book, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.

Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Sex porn love addiction is all about self-soothing to manage your emotions. It got set up back in the childhood development years. It's just not about sex, it's not about porn. It's all about the repeated use to set up the physiology to crave those dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, self-manufactured drugs in the body. It's impacting women, men, children, age 10 to 75 across all the age ranges, the sexes, the cultures, the professions. It increased exponentially during COVID lockdown and impacting so many lives. The Kairos Center has created the first online comprehensive sex porn love addiction. It's a video on demand recovery program which you can access from anywhere in the world and begin to see identifiable changes just within six weeks of beginning this weekly program. Kairos means your appointed time. Isn't it your time to reclaim your life? Bring colour back to life without shame. Click the link below and begin your journey. You owe it to yourself and to others. So this poem entitled There's a Hole in My Sidewalk. The Romance of Self-Discovery, a poem by Portia Nelson. Verse one. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Verse two. I walk down the same street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. Can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Verse three. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It's a habit. But my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Verse four. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Verse five. I walk down another street. Interesting poem, Gary. What is that about? Well, you're gonna interpret it in different ways, but what I offer to clients is this. We have moved, we are moving things from the unconscious to the conscious, but change is a process. I now see the problem, I know there's a problem, bang! I fall in the problem. You see, all the statistics will tell us anybody undergoing change, giving up something, a pattern of behavior, will typically have a number of relapses, falls before they finally achieve the outcome. Whether it's a compulsive behavior, a habit, a negative habit, an addiction. I don't want the brain to your brain to hear the statistics that most people will have a number of relapses because it's gonna give you permission to have a number of relapses, and I don't want you to give yourself permission to have a number of relapses. You're not a statistic, you're you. You don't have to put up with, accept the fact of a possible relapse. No, brain, we're not gonna relapse when we start this. You decide. But I need to tell you about it, even if your brain is listening. Because so many of you will write yourselves off because you keep on, keeping on falling in the pothole, doing the same old repeated behavior when you know you can see what you're doing and you want to stop, and it's so annoying, so frustrating, and you really don't want to do it again, but you find yourself doing it again, and you feel like giving up. Join the ranks of most of us, join the human being on this earth that says, change. It's not instant, it's a process. And you see, this person knew there was a porthole, saw the porthole, intended to avoid the porthole, bang, kept falling into it. Okay, I know there's a porthole around you, I need to avoid it, bang, falling in again. So annoying, so frustrating. Anyway, I'm gonna watch for it next time. Yeah, I know there's a porthole around you, so I need to watch for that. What's up? Bang! Bang! And it can go on for a little while. Until one day, the potholes behind me. How did I walk around it? How did I do that? You walk around the pothole because every time you were falling in it, you were learning from it, until one day you and your brain learnt enough to walk around it and now it's behind you. Those that walk around the pothole, those that succeed in achieving sobriety, change, stopping an addiction, are the ones that got up, dusted off, and got back in. And not knowing the donkey was in the well, someone came and just shoved more earth, more earth to cover over the well. But it was on top of the donkey. Until the donkey was nearly covered, and they kept pouring more earth in. And the donkey decided, I'm not gonna stay in this well, I'm gonna get out. So what the donkey did, and I feel like getting up and doing a got up and shook off the dirt that was being thrown on it. And every time more came on the donkey, he got up and he shook off and kept shaking off. Until over time all that earth that was being thrown down the well was shaken off, the donkey trampled on it. See the picture, the image, till eventually the donkey got back to the top. Because of shaking off the earth repeatedly, it got back out of the well. You get the point? Keep on shaking off. And eventually you get back to the top. Some of you will look at that process and ah, that's gonna take ages. You've given up before you've even started. Think about how long it took you to get to where you are. Allow even a fraction of that time to get you to a better place. And the last verse, I walk down another street. The way I interpret that is the problem is no longer a problem. Years ahead into your life, you don't even see the problem. The past habit, the past compulsion, the past addiction. It's just not an issue anymore. That's possible. But I'm not giving your salesman's pitch about look what I can do. It's you who did it. I'm a facilitator coming alongside you with some useful insights and some tools. You can do this. You've done it already in the past in certain areas of your life. Your brain has the capacity to do it again because it's done it in the past. It's learned from past situations. You can do this. Come alongside me. Let's work together. And let's get you back the quality of life you deserve. And actually, this is all about, no matter what age you are in life, this is all about finish well. We only get this life once. Finish well. Become the best that you can be. I'm excited by this work that you're doing with me. I'll hold your fears until you're ready to take them back from me. That's what we do as therapists. We're containers for our clients' stuff. And watch how you begin to take your stuff back from me as you develop through this program. Send me a message. It's time to get your relationship back onto a better footing for your future. Let's do some work without shame and bring colour back to life. Send the email, send the message to me, Gary McFarlane, at the Chiral Center. And let's begin to reclaim your quality of life.