47 - Forgiveness and Awakening

You are a shining Light....Radiance and Love itself.  To the degree we don't experience this we are covered and crusted over.  Jesus was an amazing example of letting his Light shine.  As he said, "Don't cover your Light with a basket.  Let it shine".  We explore forgiveness as maybe the major lynch pin for opening up and letting go of the blocks that cover us up.

These podcasts are here to support your personal path of awakening whatever that might be. I feel they are most powerful when listened to in sequence from podcast one forward because each is built on the last. Though they, also, all stand on their own. If anything does not resonate, please disregard it and follow your heart. All my podcasts and website are free. Enjoy!

Though I am a psychotherapist, and these podcasts are offered to be spiritually helpful, they are not psychotherapy. If psychotherapy is ever needed, please reach out to a psychotherapist.

www.williamecooper.wordpress.com for more support. You may, especially, enjoy the short contemplations and the resource page which gives you some supportive material.

Transcript

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Hello, this is William Cooper. Welcome to Awakening Together, Relaxing into Happiness. I trust you're doing well. You are a bright, beautiful, radiant being. You know who else was or is? Jesus. So was Ramana, Buddha, so many others. All bright and beautiful, and they're just like you. They're just like me. What's the difference between them and us sometimes? Well, they always let go of those things that are blocking them, and sometimes we don't. So therefore, we are blocked and they are not. It's just that simple, right? Letting go, just let go of our blocks. What's one of the biggest things that we do to block ourselves? We don't forgive. So today let's talk about forgiveness. It's one way to let go. And once we can let go through forgiveness, we can often let go in so many other ways, maybe every other way. Jesus said, if you have a bright lamp, you set it on a stand and illuminate the entire room, let all the people bask in the light. You don't stick it under a bushel. You don't stick your light, my light, under a bushel, under a container, under a block, yet we do. So forgiveness. Well, let's center around Jesus right now, because in my estimation, he might be the greatest example of forgiveness. I mean, after all, he was tortured and killed for telling the truth. And on the last moments of his life, he just said, forgive them for they know not what they do. When we're captured by our mind, when we're blocked off from ourselves, we don't know what we're doing because we're limited by the limited container of our ego. We're living in separation. We're not living in oneness. So we're living off of incomplete information. And when we're separated from ourselves, we're operating through hurt, fear, anger. All these are the symptoms of being cut off from ourselves. We're afraid, we're angry, we're feel abandoned, we're hurt. So we do this to ourselves. If you look at how unforgiveness happens or any block, really, we have some trauma, something we perceive this traumatic and we tense up. We cut ourselves off. We tense ourselves up. That's the block. Then because we cut ourselves off, we don't think of it that way. We get angry at the circumstance or the person that we're reacting to. And we blame them and get angry and we don't forgive them perhaps. But we generate an emotion. First we cut ourselves off. So at the very bottom is attention. That's what separates us from ourselves. And then there's an emotion. I'm angry or I'm afraid or I'm hurt. And then there's incessant thoughts that just go until we resolve this. But these thoughts just go round and round. I'm going to get them or I'm afraid of them or what did I do wrong or I'm ashamed or I'm always doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me. That's why these things keep happening to me. The tension generates an emotion, which generates thoughts. And because we have more thoughts, we get more separated from ourselves, which generates more emotion, which generates more thoughts. And you get the idea. So Jesus's biggest teaching, perhaps, was to let it go. Forgive. Forgive others. When the disciples came to Jesus in Mark 18, 21 through 22, and they said, how many times should we forgive somebody? Seven times? I mean, that's a lot. Really, it is. He said, no, 70 times seven, which in biblical language basically means endlessly. Just forgive them. Let it go. Because what he knows, perhaps you've heard this, unforgiveness is like taking a poison, hoping the other guy dies. Well, we poison ourselves. We block ourselves. When we carry around anger, guess who's feeling the anger? Only us. It's us doing something to ourselves, blocking ourselves, attacking ourselves, tightening our stomach, jabbing knives into our hearts because we're mad at somebody else. Doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's what we do. It's very simple. We just have to stop it. And that's what Jesus said. He said, basically be aware of it and then stop it. Just let it all go. You might remember that when somebody came up to Jesus and said, well, what if somebody slaps you on the cheek? And Jesus said, well, turn the other cheek. What if somebody takes your coat? He said, give them your cloak also. It's basically let it go. Now Jesus had common sense and there's a balance. Let's not get crazy about this. The point is let it go. Internally let things go. Okay. Why don't we let go things go? Because we feel threatened. Is it okay to draw boundaries? Of course it's okay. If somebody's a harmful person, we need to draw a boundary to protect ourselves. No, we say, no, you can't do that to me anymore. Stay away from me. Maybe I can't talk to you anymore. But does that mean that we have to carry a grudge? No, we don't have to be blocked. We simply take practical steps to protect ourselves. So we do, but we let go at the same time. Well, what's another reason why we don't let go? Why we cling to unforgiveness? Well, sometimes we think if we forgive them, that means they were right. They haven't suffered. We have. Basically we've suffered mainly because we've been hurting ourselves over it and beating ourselves up, clinched inside for perhaps years. Because we haven't let us let it go. Often they've hurt us one time and we hurt ourselves every day because we're thinking about it and ruminating. But nonetheless, we feel like if we forgive somebody, it somehow validates what they did. And far from that. Look clearly, they did the wrong thing. Perhaps there's no doubt about it, but that's about them. They're not able to be good to you perhaps, or to do the right thing. Somehow they're limited by their background or their understanding of things or their emotional makeup. But there's no sense that I have to be blocked because they're limited. Right? So I let go. I forgive them and I see them clearly for who they are. They've got problems. I had problems before I started forgiving them because my problem was just because they've got problems. I was beating myself up. Now that's a problem. But now I've stopped that. I've forgiven them. I've drawn boundaries if I need to. Forgiving somebody doesn't mean you have to get all emotional and come up to them. Oh, I forgive you. I forgive you. You don't have to do that. It's an internal thing for you. It's simply about letting go. You let him go. Jesus said, if you want to be awake, he didn't use those terms, but he said, if you want to be born again, if you want to go to the kingdom of heaven, which is awake, that's awakeness. You must be born again. You must be like a fresh, exuberant, happy child. You know, that child isn't all clustered over with blocks and troubles. They just let it go. Look at a child. They just let it go. That's what Jesus said for us to do. Just let it go. That's what he did. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Hey, they're even torturing me. And I'm saying that is what Jesus did. So that, you know, if he could do that, he was good at forgiving people. So he's an example for us in that way. The Tao Te Ching says that by letting it go, all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. That's chapter 48. What does the Tao Te Ching mean by that? Well, when we let things go, our blocks are gone. Our emotions quit blocking us and our thoughts calm down because there's nothing for them to ruminate about anymore. And our being shines through. We flow from being rather than from an agitated and angry mind. So we flow through being and our boundaries relax and go. And we're one with all things. And the universe conspires to make our deepest heartfelt dreams come true. We've talked about that in prior podcasts, the prior podcast on manifesting from oneness, for instance. In deep oneness, there's deep trust because we are everything and we trust ourselves. It's only when we don't trust ourselves that we create boundaries. And when we create boundaries, we don't trust because we're separated. So in complete letting go is the answer and complete letting go is awakening, right? The linchpin of all of that or one of them is forgiveness. If you can forgive somebody, if you can forgive everybody, you can forgive also people, places, things, circumstances, you can let them go. Okay. So some of that may make some sense. Maybe all of it does make sense to you, but making sense of something isn't the same as realizing that experiencing it. I used to think, well, I understand it. Good. Now what's the next thing I can learn? What's the next thing? What's the next thing? What I did not realize was deep inside. I had not realized what I now understood. I still was clenched inside. I just put it under a little bit of a wall. I was looking the other direction because I was too busy learning stuff to actually open and experience. Well, eventually all of that does come out and you experience all of your blockages. Life will do something to bring it forward. Um, and that's painful, but with some understanding, you know, what's going on and you begin to let go. So how to let go, how to forgive. Well, remember there's the tension underneath at all. That's where I've clinched up and I just can't let go. On top of that is my emotional reaction because I'm separated. I feel hurt, fear, or anger. And on top of that are my incessant thoughts. So in meditation, when I sit down, what happens? I quit distracting myself from all of these things and I can feel them. I can see them. When I see my thoughts, I just watched them and I don't get caught up in that drama. Then after a while, perhaps I sink down into the emotion underneath them. As I feel that emotion underneath my thoughts, it begins to unravel, dissolve, and throw off all of its harmful energy. Now, often people will interrupt their meditation or get involved in their thoughts because they don't want to feel that discharge of energy. So they're stuck with it. But sooner or later, their nervous system gets strong enough because they've meditated long enough over a continuous period of time, um, maybe for months or weeks or years, and they stay with their emotions and the emotions untwist and unravel like a spinning rubber band until they're loose, limp, and relaxed. Now, underneath those emotions, they will often find the tension. Same thing. Sit and feel the tension. Let it discharge itself. Well, what if it doesn't discharge itself quickly? It takes however long it takes. That's the answer. There's no rush. It's all unraveling. You might want to listen to a past podcast of mine, the one on PTSD. Uh, I put that in there because often they're in this tension area. We have more or less like a brain cramp. We're stuck and we don't really know how to deal with it. So we try other things that aren't successful. So there's a particular way to deal with things. And I might listen to all those podcasts before and after the podcast on PTSD, including listen to the podcast on PTSD and perhaps listen to any of my podcasts on letting go. You'll see it in the title and just listen to them. You'll get the idea after a while. You don't have to listen to all of those podcasts, although they're all very helpful. When I first went to India in 2004, I was with my guru Bhagavan, who later became my friend. And there was a small group of us at that time. There were only 55 Westerners. Now he has millions of followers, but at the time, uh, he wasn't well known in the West. And you know what? One of the main things that he impressed on us was forgiveness, was letting go. And of the 55 people from all over the world, he singled me out or one of his monks did anyway, and said, I had to forgive my parents and ask them for their forgiveness. It turns out that he told all of us that it's crucial that we forgive our parents because that's one of our first interactions. Uh, one of our first relationships is with our parents and we tend to blame them for pretty much everything. And if we can't let go of that knot, how do we let go of the others? It's kind of like one of the root knots. And, um, so it's about us letting go and we can't let go unless we really let go. Right? So we can't just pretend like, Oh, we'll do everything else, but that when that main door is closed, all the other doors are closed above it. In a way, even if we do open some other doors, the fundamental blockage is their way down at the bottom, which is our unforgiveness to our parents. So it was in the middle of the night, more or less, it was late and there was only one telephone. The security guard was gone and it was locked up this one telephone. You had to call, um, and pay by the minute. It was, it was complicated. I had to go through a lot. Plus it was a bit startling to hear you have to forgive your parents because that was the last thing I wanted to do. I thought I had, I didn't want to even deal with it. It's emotional. You can imagine who wants to be involved with that. And you're in India and, Oh, you can imagine there's a lot of threads to that. Anyway, I did it. And he said, you need to ask for their forgiveness, apologize for any pain that you have given them and also say that you forgive them. And then finally ask for their blessings in life, because he says it's like a conduit and your parents' blessings are very important to you, to you for your wellbeing in this life. Basically he's undoing all the fundamental blockages, right? So I called middle of the night and, um, different time in the United States. I think it was evening time or daytime or something. I don't know. Anyway, it didn't go as well as I had hoped. And I won't get into the details later. It did. It was the first step to unclog a lot of junk and it did not go well, but it got the ball rolling. And now my parents and I have a great relationship and things are opened up. Now, do you have to call your parents? Do you have to talk to them? No, not necessarily. You don't want to overwhelm yourself and make this traumatic. The point is you want to let go. You want to let go of those blockages at some point, you know, if you've really let them go at some point, when you've loosened up, when you've relaxed, sure. Have a conversation. If it's safe enough, if they're harmful people, then stay away from it. Often the question comes, well, what if they passed on? What if they've, uh, no longer on this earth? What to do then? Well, Bhagavan said, well, it's much easier. You just pray to them, talk to them and say all the things that you didn't say in this life. They'll hear you. So you can do that. Um, the thing is I want to point out, I don't want you to be traumatized and closed down even worse because you're trying to do this rote thing. You know, I'm going to ask these, I'm going to say these four statements and because I'm supposed to, and once I do, then it's all good. No, the thing is you let go and you feel it. That's, that's what's true with all of awakening. It's something that you feel it. You, that's why I emphasize, you don't just do the rituals, the practices. They can be helpful if you do them in a way that you feel is opening to you. If somebody says, take a deep breath, but it doesn't feel good to you, then how does that help you? Take the size breath that feels good, that opens you. If they say, chant mantras, but it's not working for you, then don't. If they say, don't chant mantras, but it does work for you, then do. It's like that with all of your spiritual practices. The point here with forgiveness is you don't want to be clenched. You want to let go. That's what awakening is. Really, when you think about it, it's just complete letting go. When you've completely let go, all there is, is light that's shining through. You're a bright light up on a hill, like Jesus talked about, without a bushel over you. When you've completely let go, that's you. You're the light. That's complete forgiveness. That's complete letting go. That's the point. Awakening is just a series of letting go. You go through stages. One of the stages is you realize, oh, I'm not my mind. I'm not my emotions. And I'm this light. Yet, I'm somewhat blocked by my mind and my emotions. Even though I know that I'm not, and I don't experience myself as my minds and emotions, I've created these structures and they're blocking me. After a while, you let go. You let go. You reorient them. You slowly start to flow rather than be bound by your ego. Your ego comes in alignment with you and it supports you. It's the vehicle you use to drive through life and it more reflects your deep being. And that comes into alignment because you've let go. You've let go of the blocks, the twists, the turns. You're not like a robot just using everything you learned in school or all of the reactions that you've had from other people. You keep the good things you learned in school and the good reactions you've had with people, but everything that doesn't serve you, you see it, you feel it, and you let it go. The biggest of all of these is forgiveness. As you awaken, you'll notice the world is out of sync because right now there's a lot of unawakened people. We've all been an unawake person. We are now awakening, right? Maybe you are totally awake now or mostly awake or awake enough. And the world feels funny to you. It feels out of step. Well, what about that? Forgive them for they know not what they do. Just forgive them. I had a teacher in India who said, you know, people do the best they know how to do. And at first that almost seems like giving them a pass. But when you really look at it, most everybody's trying to do the best they can. I think that everybody is doing the best they can. Sometimes they're so blocked up. That's the best they can do. Sometimes you can't believe it. It's like, no, they could do better than that. But no, I don't think so. I think at this moment, that's the best they can do. Haven't you ever had one of those days when that's the best you can do? And you know, it's not the best ever, but it's the best you can do today. Don Miguel, the wheeze and his four agreements. One of those agreements is do your best. And he makes the distinction. That's the best you can do today. What he means is do the best you can do now. And that may not be the best ever. It's just what you can muster up. Now do that. Shine your light the best you can, because we're bound by our egos and our old situations. Until we clear them. Okay. So let's say you're working with somebody that's hurt your feelings. You want to forgive them, but it's just hard to let go. They've really, you really feel bad. You have really tight. Again, remember you're the one that's hurting your own feelings. You're the one, the only one inside your body, but nonetheless, there's been an interaction and it does display that they are very unawake on their, on their side. They've done some nasty thing. What can you do to help give yourself perspective and help open up? I mean, what's a practical thing? Cause I could say all day long, Hey, you're hurting yourself, but nonetheless, it doesn't feel good. What's happened. So what can you do? Let's say it's your parent because we've talked about parents and they've done something. Well, picture them as a little child, take some time with us. And do you know about their parents? Their parents maybe had troubles. Maybe their parents were limited. Maybe their culture and society was limited. And they, as a little child, maybe they were hurt or abused, or maybe it was real difficult. Maybe their growing up was difficult. Look at their wounds. Aren't they crying out for help? That little child nine out of 10 times. It's true. Maybe 10 out of 10 times. And that's, what's motivating the adult that can't act better. It's that they're a hurting little child. See them as a child, see their hurt. And in your mind, in your emotions, in your heart, hug them, just give them the love they need. It's not just about us. It's also about them. They're expressing their pain in, and I hate to say it in them hurting us. They're expressing their pain. Aren't they? It's sad, but that's what we all do. Not just them. We do it too. But now let's be loving. Send them love. Hold them. Look where they're hurting. Maybe talk to them in your mind. You don't have to do this out loud, of course, but in your mind, you know, I love you. Oh, I see that you are hurt. It's okay. I see that you're afraid. And so you're lashing out at me. You're attacking me. You're hurt. This is about you and not me. So let me hug you. You need the help actually, because I've let all this go. I've let your misbehaviors go, and I'm loving the source of your misbehaviors. That's your pain. Your pain is causing all this. And I'm so sorry. Look at how sad that little child or how frightened they are. That's all they are is a little child. Hug them. Love them. Can you do that? At first, it may be difficult. I understand. Baby steps. And it's nothing you have to do, but you are a loving being and you have to ask yourself, if you can't do it, what do you still have to let go of until you'll be able to love them? Because you don't want to be bound by anybody else's behavior, because that's simply you binding yourself inside of you. And you don't want to be bound. You're a loving being. You're the light on a hill. The bound is putting yourself under a bushel. So take the bushel off. You don't want to take a bushel off by willpower because that's just a mental thing. You know, I'm doing some positive thinking. I'm getting beyond this. I'm going to soldier ahead no matter what. That doesn't resolve anything because if you look deeply underneath at all, you're clenched up. Still, you're just behaving quote unquote nicely, even though you feel badly. Instead, you need to take your time with yourself because awakening is only about you, your blocks, your clenches, your tightness. So take some time. Let this be an example where you're doing the best you can and you're finding out places that are limiting you. So you're letting them relax. Awakening is simply about relaxing deeply all the way down. So take your time and relax those hurts, those perspectives, those tensions. The best way to relax is not to distract yourself. It's to sit still so you can see, so you can feel, you can let it burn off. What do we call that? Meditation. We're back to that again. Meditation can look any way that you want it to look. You could be lying down. You could be looking at a tree. You could be sitting down. As one monk friend said to me, to do anything is to do too much meditation. We do nothing. We just watch. Why? Because we watch anyway. We're aware anyway, we can't stop watching. So we say watch, but you're going to watch anyway. So you watch and you feel, why do you feel? Because you're going to feel anyway. What happens when you don't get involved? When you do nothing, all your old creations, your old thoughts, your emotions, and your tensions unwind, they unravel, they untwist, and they dissolve. That's forgiveness. When we dissolve, when it dissolves underneath the surface, therefore there's nothing to have willpower against, willpower over because it's gone. That's forgiveness is when it's gone. Now, does it disappear instantly? No, it's a process. Take your time. It might take years. I don't know, but we start, what else are we doing in this world? What else is life about? It's about many things, but that's definitely one of them, which is to live a free and happy flowing life without blocks, without pain, without hurt. So that's awakening. And at the core of awakening is forgiveness. So powerful. Well, I enjoyed our time together and I look forward to our next time together.