173 Love Boundaries and Solving Problems Upon Awakening Q & A

 In this Q & A we discussed "How to problem solve from an Awakened State", "How to be loving while having firm boundaries", "Boundaries to protect me from suffering of the world", "If we are One why do I want to draw boundaries with people who drain me", "How to develop my Intuition", "Baby Steps", The awakening process, nonattachment, etc.

These podcasts are meant to supplement your personal path of awakening whatever that might be. They are a compilation of what I have found to be the most helpful over the last 50 years on my path of awakening. I feel these podcasts are most powerful when listened to in sequence from podcast one forward because each is built on the last.  Though they, also, all stand on their own.  Since we are each a bit different, if anything does not resonate, please disregard it and follow your heart. All my podcasts and website are here and free. Enjoy!

Though I am a psychotherapist, and these podcasts are offered to be spiritually helpful, they are not psychotherapy.  If psychotherapy is ever needed, please reach out to a psychotherapist.

www.williamecooper.wordpress.com for more support.  You may, especially, enjoy the short contemplations and the resource page which gives you some supportive material.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

0:01

Hello. Welcome to Awakening Together, Relaxing into Happiness. I'm William Cooper. How are you doing? It's good to see you. This is our time to talk about any questions that you might have, any perspectives that you might have on your spiritual path. And really, it could be about anything. Hey, Christine, good to see you. Could be about, hey, when I meditate, why is it not peaceful? Or what is awakening? Or do I need to meditate? Whatever applies to you, wherever you are. How to relax, anything. But in the meantime, I have some questions that And the first one is from Christine, and I appreciate that, Christine. She asks some very, very good questions, and I like to use them from time to time. And so many of the rest of you do as well, so I'll mix it up. But what she asks is, the question that comes up for me is, how to problem solve from an awakened state? I wonder what your response to that question might be. Thich Nhat Hanh did that during the Vietnam War through nonviolence and not taking sides. And as you have said, the awakened state embodies love, peace, and joy. So I'm supposing we approach problems from that essence. This also reminds me of another phrase you use, to be in the world, but not of it. Perhaps that is what the awakened state invites and allows, especially in the midst of problem solving. What a great question, Christine. First, let's talk about awakening. What is awakening? And to me, my experience is awakening is you without your troubles. When you've let go of your troubles, all that's left is a bright light. It's not covered up or you're not distracted from it by all the troubles that are still inside of you that you haven't let go of. That bright light emanates peace, love, and well-being. That's what that bright light is. So that's who you are. You are peace, love, and well-being, and that informs everything in awakening. Before awakening, Our psychology, our personality is formed around not that. It's formed around feeling very separate from being a bright light because we're so covered up with our own troubles, layer after layer after layer of trouble. And even after we melt one layer off, often there's another layer underneath and another layer underneath. So sometimes it feels difficult to experience ourselves as this bright light and beyond. So our spiritual practice is really just allowing us to focus on these troubles and melting them and melting them and melting them, releasing them. And at the same time, start to feel any light that starts to shine through the cracks and become acquainted with who we truly are. Because once our troubles leave, we're still there. And who is that that's still there? That's the bright light. So... That's awakening, and it doesn't require meditation. I find meditation to be very helpful. There are so many other spiritual practices that are also very helpful. All of them are in service of either letting go of our troubles so that all that remains is who we truly are, a bright light, or At the same time, helping us not getting distracted and sucked into our troubles, because once we're sucked into them, once we're fully experiencing them and believing them, they don't melt at that moment anyway, because we have to keep them solid and strong in order to jump into them. So the awakening process and all the tools that we use are designed to release all of that. What happens when we do release all that and all that's left is us, the bright light? And by the way, in the awakening process, you don't have to wait until all there is is bright light. It's not like, hey, I'm not awake and then one day I am. It's not like that. It's a progression. Maybe right now you're 100% awake or 90% or 80% or 50%. But it's generally an evolution. As these troubles melt away, you experience yourself more and more and more fully. So back to Christine's question. When mostly what's left is a bright light, The clearer that you become, the brighter that you feel yourself to be, the more you are guided by your intuition. Awakening that bright light and everything beyond, beyond even this existence, you experience it through your intuition, everything that's beyond this existence. So the clearer you become, the more intuitive you become. So intuition and awakening are the same thing. You don't have to be completely awake to have intuition. You could just be a little bit awake and you'll have a little intuition. But the awakened person is primarily guided by their intuition. And yet they also use their mind, of course. The mind is a very powerful tool. It's a very powerful tool to use in this world, in duality. It helps you to navigate all of the complexities of being in this world. However, the mind can never absolutely know the answer because it To any problem, there might be a hundred different solutions. And even if you pick the wrong solution, it may turn out, well, it does turn out that somehow that was the solution you were destined to pick because everything's interconnected and your solutions are interconnected to the rest of the world. And because you did this, something on the other side of the world ends up happening. It's like dominoes. One thing bumps into the next, into the next, into the next, into the next. So how does it feel? It feels like you just do your best. But from the awakened state, it's more confident. It's more of a knowing state. And oftentimes, the whole answer comes all at once. You just see everything all at once. I'm going to do this, even though it might not make perfect mental sense to your rational mind, your intuitive mind, or your intuitive knowing, I should say. might guide you in a different direction that you just feel very solid about. But nonetheless, you also balance that with your mind. So the awakened person, the clearer you become, the more you're guided by your intuition, and you use your mind as a secondary tool. To the degree that a person is just starting out and they might not be awake at all, or very little, they're more apt to use their mind. And you just do the best you can. You do the next best thing you can each day, the next obvious thing. You just do your best, whatever that is. So from the awakened state, say you're very intuitive, that doesn't give you specific skills like somebody breaks their arm and you want to be able to help them. What do you do? Let's say it's an emergency and you're the only one around. What do you do? Or they have a heart attack and you want to give them CPR. Have you learned CPR? Maybe not. Maybe. So in Buddhist philosophy, in the Buddhist practice, people work on skillful means and right action, and they already develop these skills which help before they're awake, and they're definitely a help after they're awake. So in problem solving, to answer your question, Christine, the awakened person is guided first by their intuition, secondly by their mind, their discrimination in the world of duality, and thirdly, by the skills that they've developed that they have available to use. And they put all those together to solve their problems or the problem that they're addressing. The awakened person also, being very clear, you find that you're really not your personality. Your personality is a collection of thoughts and emotions, behaviors and habits. And if you didn't have a particular thought, you'd still be there. If you didn't have a particular emotion, you would still be there. In fact, as we want to become more and more whole, often we'll see a therapist or we'll change our behaviors or we'll change our thoughts or we'll let the destructive ones go. And we're still there. Turns out that our entire personality is made of those things. And as we become awake, they reorient ourselves. to who we truly are, rather than being guided by the darkness of being cut off from ourselves. So in that bright light of your intuitive self, as you become clearer and clearer, you also have another knowing, and that is that everything is one. It's not a mental construct. You experience it. Everything is one. It all comes from the same place. It's coming down through you, and it's coming down through everybody else. And everything in the world is made of that same thing as well. And this is where it gets a little hard to describe, because beyond existence, you can only know it intuitively. It's the potential of all things, and you know it very clearly through your intuition, just your mind can't know it, because the mind can only know things that are in existence. But as you become clear, and your mind reorients, and it also becomes clear— You know that because you and the world and everything beyond the world are made of the same thing and guided by the same thing, you are just a part of the whole. So any way that you solve a problem fits into the whole, and it was meant to be that way. Even if it doesn't seem that way mentally, and that's a little bit of a stretch to believe, but in the awakened state, you know it. So as far as problem solving, you have to take that into account too. Whatever you do is going to be the right thing, oddly enough. Even if it's the wrong thing, it turns out to support the whole. One time I had, after seeing Amaji, I was very tired. When you see Amaji, she's a saint from India, and she used to visit the United States. And you stay up with her all night. She's very powerful, very loving, very powerful. The energy is just... Amazing. Anyway, I had done that for days and days and days. And after days of that, you kind of start to get clairvoyant. Things start to happen. Some of your veneer melts off. And I began to see everything in the world almost like a Monet painting. I'm sorry, painting by Surratt, pointillism, where it's just a lot of little dots of color. Everything in existence was just little dots of color. And I saw that everything was necessary for the painting. You needed black, you needed brown, you needed pink, you needed green, you needed everything blue, all the colors. So to have the painting, you couldn't go, well, I don't like black. Let's get that out of there. Like that seems evil to me or something. I'll get that out. Or I don't like white. It's too bright or something. You need all the colors on your palette to do a painting, to paint a painting. Same in this world. Everything that's out there needs to be there. even if it's uncomfortable. And it is evolving, it is changing. Unlike a static painting, everything is evolving and changing. So in the awakened state, the problem solving happens automatically, more or less, as well as intuitively as well as mentally. And let me just throw this in. As you become clearer, and many of you are already experiencing this, when you look at existence, when you experience existence, it's all made of the same thing. It's all made of consciousness. The basic building block of every object out there, the desk, the light, the dog, the cat, the tree. Everything is made of consciousness and consciousness is love. It is peace. It is well-being also. That's what it is. So it's frozen into different shapes. It's put into different shapes, the shape of a dog, the shape of a tree, but it's all fundamentally the same thing. And you experience that. You feel that. It's like there's only love around. Everything is love. However, You also experience creation as a lot of different realities at the same time, and each one has to be honored. Each one... is very specific and very real. It really does exist. If I have water, life-giving water, and I freeze it into ice, and I freeze it in the shape of a knife, that knife can hurt people. But it's ultimately simply water. But I have to respect that it's in the shape of a knife, and I don't want to be near that knife. If somebody that's hostile to me is having it, So I have to respect that shape. And it's the same in reality. I could see everything as love, made of love. Okay, so I see everything as love. But if a bus is headed straight at me, and when Jennifer and I were in India, there aren't any rules of the road, really. The main rule is if a bus is coming at you, get out of the way. So You have to respect the shapes of reality. You have to respect whatever level of reality you're dealing with. And there are hundreds of levels of reality. The mental body, the spiritual body, the physical body, the habitual body, etc., etc., etc., So it's a very deep question how to problem solve. And the more awake you are, the clearer you are, the more levels of reality you see. You even see into other realities, levels of reality, where you see Jesus, or you see a departed friend, or you see all sorts of things. So From the awakened state, it depends on what level of reality you're problem-solving for. But ultimately, you are guided by your true nature, and your personality evolves and reorients around that love, peace, and well-being. And, sorry for such a long answer, but it's a deep question— So yes, Thich Nhat Hanh, his role in life, his dharma, his reason for being was to be a monk and a Buddhist monk. And so he was nonviolent during the Vietnam War. But other people have a dharma of being a soldier or a policeman. And they're protecting children. And so sometimes they have to be violent to stay. Stop an attacker. And that's also their dharma. And they can be very loving. It's just a hard boundary. It's don't kill those children. That's the hard boundary. And that boundary is made of love, just like Thich Nhat Hanh was flowing from love. In the Bhagavad Gita, you'll remember that Arjuna was guided by Krishna to fight. And Arjuna was having a big problem because the opposing army, a lot of it was his family, his cousins and his uncle and his different people in his family that he loved and knew well, but they were attacking the kingdom where he was. And he was the general. So his duty was to protect his kingdom. And I won't get into all the ins and outs of the story, but the point is he was acting from love through love, and it didn't look loving. It looked like a war. So it's hard to have a simple answer to that. The bottom line is, yes, you're right. Whatever your dharma is, whatever your karma is, Ultimately, in the awakened state, you're being guided by love, peace, and joy. However, that shows up. And we're going to get into that because we've got some more questions about boundaries, and it's simply about that same thing. Is it loving to do this or that? So we'll talk about that in just a few minutes. To be in this world but not of it, what that's about is... The clearer you are, the less attached you are to things in this world. You can enjoy everything in the world, but you're not attached to anything or very little, the more awake you are. Why is that? Because your awakened state is everything that you've been looking for. The more awake, the more clear you are, the more you experience love. and peace, and fulfillment, and well-being. And no candy bar is going to give you as much peace and love as you're already feeling. So yes, you can enjoy it, but you're not. looking for a relationship or an action or a habit or anything to fulfill you, you're already fulfilled. That's who you are. That's who you are right now. No matter what percentage awake you are, you're already that at the core. All awakening is just releasing the stuff that's covering that up. You don't have to do anything to become love, peace, and joy. You are love, peace, and joy already. So you can be in the world, but not of it. If you're new to these podcasts, I did a podcast yesterday. Podcast 123 called Non-Attachment the Great Way. And I think it's just seven or eight minutes, but it explains that pretty well. People like that one. And if you've wondered about can I awaken without meditation or without certain spiritual practices, The actual podcast that inspired Christine's great question is podcast number 171, and it's entitled Simple Awakening Without Meditation. Something like that, but it's number 171. If you have deeper questions, we've talked about all of these issues and things that we're going to talk about coming up. in all of the podcasts. And they're all here. They're all free. I just start with podcast number one and move forward because each one is built on the last. But listen to them any way you want. If you see a title you really want to listen to now, do that. And if something doesn't resonate, just forget about it. Move on to the next one. Trust your heart. So I hope that is a start of answering that question. But I saw that, Swati, you asked a question, and you said, I've been trying to tap into my intuition, but not yet successful. And I do understand that. I spent decades, and still, as I get clearer, my intuition becomes stronger, clearer. clear is clear. As I become clear, I find out I am intuition itself. That's who I am. That's who you are. So as you become clearer in your intuition comes forth. But some things that I found helpful is what you're doing, Swati, is good. You're trying because first you want to reach out. And I used to ask myself questions and sometimes I still do. In fact, I would ask a question and then I would just do a simple thing in my head. I would just see, I would picture if the answer is yes, green, if the answer is no, red. Just I kept it simple. I just needed something simple because I was so layered up with so many troubles that I Maybe there was just a little spot of clarity in me and I just needed the simple thing to squirt through. And so I just made it simple. And I did that for years and it was very, very, very helpful. The second thing is my guru in India that I had for about 13 or 15 years. I can't remember. He's now my friend. He just said, go out on my own. But he used to say, if you have a... a miracle, or this would apply to intuition or something like that, and you catch yourself being successful, tell yourself, don't block it out. Tell other people, because that opens you up and it also opens them up because a lot of people, we're coming out of a very dark age. And when people say things, I know me, they were hard to believe. Like, is this really true? Do people really experience this? Now I do experience these things now, but it's taken me decades and I still am a mixed bag, but very clear compared to where I was. And I don't have to worry about finding anything that's left in me that's not clear because guess what? Life will poke me and trigger me and it will come up. And then I just let it pass through my body, however long that takes, release, relax, and let go. And then it's gone. And now I'm even more clear. And that thing that came up, that quote unquote problem or trouble, as it releases and relaxes, It emits a huge amount of energy. Initially, it's extremely painful because I wouldn't have repressed happiness. I only repressed things that hurt. Those are the things that I've been holding on to that finally pop up. And that intensity of hurt and pain, as it melts away, it turns into light. It turns into consciousness. It turns into love, peace, and well-being. I see it. I feel it. I experience it. It can be very painful up to that point, but then it does. So as that happens, I become more and more intuitive. But I would keep swatty. I would keep working at that. It's not something you can make happen. It's who you already are. You can't. You're that way already. You already are intuitive, right? But by putting your attention there, what you're doing is putting your attention there. And it melts the ice or the troubles that are covering that intuition. It helps it come forth better. It helps you come forth better. It helps you awaken better. But the bottom line is the awakening process is letting go of your troubles, letting them dissolve, letting them unwind and dissipate, and feeling the goodness inside of you, putting your attention there rather than on the troubles. You don't have to get it perfectly. It's just an evolution, more or less. Just do your best. Every day I say do baby steps because you do what you can today. And when you've had enough, because sometimes when I'm releasing repressed stuff and it hurts, you know, enough's enough. Because some of this stuff can really hurt. And then the odd thing is, as you feel yourself as immense light, as you have these openings, that can hurt. Because it's so immense that it almost doesn't fit through your nervous system. If your nervous system can handle the intensity of pain and suffering, when that pain and suffering unwinds and relaxes, that same intensity is the intensity of the bright light that you are. The intensity stays the same. It melts from pain and flows into peace, love, and well-being, who you are, and light. But it's kind of like if you've been in the dark and somebody shines a bright light in your eyes, it hurts. That's what it feels like sometimes in awakening for a while. And then you get used to it and you become brighter and brighter and you feel happier and happier and And the good thing about the path of awakening is you don't have to be fully awake. Every layer of trouble that you melt away is that much less pain you're carrying. So you progressively feel better and better and better and better and better. And then poof, light. And you don't have to look for light. You don't have to look for intuition. Although, as I said, Swati, it's a good thing to do. But it will happen on its own. Another reason why it's a good thing to do consciously to look for it, Swati, is sometimes we have the habit of dismissing things, blocking it out of our mind, because we just haven't been successful. So it becomes a habit. And even if intuition is coming through, because of my bad habit, I look the other direction, or I just habitually block it out. So It's good what you're doing, Swati. Keep that up. And if you have any more questions about that, just ask or any thoughts, we'll ask. Lori says, thank you, Swati. Lori says, if you are guided by your intuition, will you feel connected to something beyond yourself? If so, how can you tap into this and feel more connected? Great question, Lori. It's kind of an odd thing. And for me, let me give you two answers. When I was with my guru for 10, 15 years, whatever, and other gurus, I lived in India for years. I've been with lots of gurus. I mean, a lot. And some of them, hundreds of darshans. And, you know, I really worked it. I was looking. And So when I was next to them and I felt their energy, because they were so clear, I could kind of see down the line and experience down the line through their window. And it felt like a bright light. It felt like a knowing. One time I was describing with my main guru, I was the future, the first time I went to India. I became the future. There was no now. There was no me. There was only the future. Well, it was hard to describe because it was timeless. I guess that was the now, but I could see everything. It was all happening now. What I would call the future was happening now. I was experiencing it and it happened through him, through his energy. So I felt very connected and I didn't believe what I was experiencing because what I experienced was extremely far-fetched. And I was afraid to believe it because I thought, well, I'm starting to open up and I would be very disappointed and I'd feel bad if this was all not true. So I don't even want to think about it really. But oddly enough, all the stuff turned out to be true. It did happen. I watched it happen through the weeks. It was like, oh my goodness. So that did feel... But the odd thing is I disappeared. There was no me. There was only... everything so i don't know but maybe that anyway i had that experience all the time like for i i spoke to my guru like every day multiple times for over 10 years so i had this experience all the time through him later i on the spiritual path on my own, and probably simultaneously while I was with him, but more so when I was on my own, I discovered, you know, stuff just happened. It was a very black, dark night of the soul. I was on my own and very cut off. I didn't have the advantage of his light and energy. I was back to my, hopefully, somewhat evolved self, but still pretty black inside, dark. And so I did my spiritual practice. I kept it up, and it was very painful because I was releasing lots of repressed stuff. But slowly what happened is... It's just like I knew stuff. I just knew it. I can't say I was connected to something. I was connected to myself. Or let's say I wasn't disconnected from myself as much. That's a better way of saying it. Because I melted enough layers, I didn't feel so disconnected from myself. And to the degree I wasn't disconnected from myself, I knew things that my mind couldn't know. But I knew them. You know, everybody can have this experience now. You don't have to be fully connected with yourself. Somehow you just wake up knowing something, right? You've had that experience. That's intuition, right? Earlier, before I met my guru, I had been working hard my spiritual path, and I had actually been journaling a lot among a lot of other things, meditating, journaling, and so on. Well, Archangel Michael connected to me, and he brought Jesus by to talk to me. So that is connecting to somebody beyond myself. And I talk about that in a couple earlier podcasts. But really, and it was wonderful. It was amazing, amazing. And every day Jesus walks with me. It sounds strange, but here's the stranger part. It's like as I walk on my path and I continue to release things, I have absolutely very little need to talk to him because we're the same. And you're the same as Jesus and Buddha and Krishna and everybody. The Tao, that's you. So the thing that I connect to is me. Or again, I am not so disconnected from me. And that relieves any back to being in the world but not of it. It also applies to other spiritual worlds. We're the same. So there's not as much feeling like I have to connect to everything in order to get something. I am the something I'm looking for. You are the something you are looking for. And this is very real. But I didn't experience it as much until I melted off layers and layers and layers. And it just happens because it's already there. That's what it feels like. It just happens more and more and more. Everything, this connection, this not being disconnected, And at the same time, what I'm not disconnected from is me, which is intuition. So knowing happens more and more and more. I would just say, you stay on your path. You're doing great. That's how you develop intuition. That's how you're not so disconnected. The way you're not so disconnected is you release the stuff that disconnects you. that blocks you or distracts you or covers you up, you release that. That's called the spiritual path. Whatever tool works for you. Okay. I hope that helps Laurie and Laura. is helpful. Feel free to jump in if I didn't answer it or you want more elaboration. Christine, I am finding your response to this question to be true for me. And what anchors me is my daily meditation practice. The practice of keep showing up. It's very much a process. Thank you. Yes, that's what I, every day I show up. Even if I can't, I did a podcast, maybe it's three podcasts ago or two podcasts ago, and it's called something like 60 seconds to awakening or something like that. It's very short. And basically, I won't go through the whole thing, but I show up every day, even if I only do 60 seconds or 15 seconds of a practice. I can do that. There's no reason why I can't do something every day. Now, In real life, most of my day is, maybe all of my day is a spiritual practice in real life. But you have a bad day, 15 seconds, I can do that. I can show up. So same as you, Christine, I just show up every day. And every day, it's like if you have a room that's so cluttered up, it's all your old junk is in that room. It's overwhelming. If you pick up a sock every day, one sock, it's not a lot. Pick up one piece of junk every day. It's not a lot. But over some time, that room will become clean. Same with awakening. It's a very simple process. You just do it. Hang in there and keep doing it. Listen to anything that... gives you some confidence or helps shine a light on what you're experiencing. There are lots of good teachers. Find one, find a bunch, listen, and keep at it. Swati says, thank you for answering, William. Absolutely. Any tools you can elaborate on? The ones that we talked about? Yes. And Swati says, thank you. Thank you. And Lori also said, thank you for answering. And BD says, step by step. Yes, that's it. It's just the next obvious thing. Just do the next obvious thing, step by step. But every day, do something. BD says, I actually did that with a cluttered space, and it was so awakening one piece at a time. Yes, it is. And as your space unclutters, just like you say, BD, we unclutter. So let's go on to the next question. I have to answer this one. It's from Jen, and she asked this question some time ago, months and months and months ago. But so many things happened, we didn't get to it. But it's a very good question. And it fits in exactly with what we're talking about. Jen says, my ongoing challenge is with boundaries. I would love to speak to you on how to be loving while having very firm boundaries. Remember, loving is your awakened state. Let's just start with that. That's who you truly are, is loving. Everybody here, everybody that exists, deep inside, that's who they are. They're love. And for awakened people, it's not deep inside. It's everywhere. Love. They experience it. They're not disconnected from themselves. So she continues to say, I'm playing with this idea of fierce love because I usually think of love as something gentle and soft. I know it logically, but I'm exploring it energetically. What does it look like to be loving while really being separate? What I mean by this is as a mom, I know I can be separate as well as expressing soft, gentle, loving boundaries. For instance, in not rescuing my child so that they can learn and grow, I might say, I believe in your ability to do this and I'm here if you need me, but see if you can do it. That's a gentle but loving boundary versus telling someone a very firm no or do it yourself or something like that, which can feel very rejecting to them. So let me just address that right now. She goes on with some other good observations, which we'll get to in a minute. But yes, you are love, and boundaries are an expression of love. Like in our last question, I was giving the example of a policeman giving a boundary. You can't hurt children, and he might be very forceful. That's a very forceful boundary. or a soldier, or somebody like that. Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, very forceful. But it all flowed from love. So the first step is what you're saying, Jen, love. Under normal circumstances with very sensitive children and in normal circumstances, I love your approach. You know, I believe in your ability. You're very soft and gentle. Your voice expresses the love that you are and you're connecting to your children in love and you're inspiring them. You're loving them. You're guiding them and helping them to grow. So, You've developed a skill, a skillful means, as the Buddhists might say, in expressing who you truly are to your children and awakening who they truly are through love and through expression in this world. And there are probably 101 good ways to draw boundaries. And if you listen to somebody, a podcast with somebody who really knows about boundaries, they'll probably teach you a lot of good skills. All of us can learn good skills and good boundaries, good ways of communicating and interacting with others, good ways to be assertive but not aggressive. So I like that. However, there are times when you have hard boundaries for love. Like I gave that example, the policeman or, you know, being in India when Jennifer and I were on a scooter and a bus is headed straight for us. Maybe she yells no or turn or something. There's no gentleness or, well, let's talk about it. Let me have the right tone. It's just a quick alerting thing. Watch out. And that is from love. So there are different ways to express boundaries. The main thing is it always comes from love or as much as we can do. And that is a condition of how awake we are. jen goes on to say i had another spiritual teacher say there are no boundaries yet as i recall you gave an example of a guru applying a boundary for someone in their group to leave because that person was not ready to do that level of spiritual work that boundary that the guru expressed forcing the person to leave was very strong but he only did it because he loved that person. And that was true. I did give that example. I was with this teacher, Bob, and this person in the group really had some difficulties on some very fundamental issues in life. dealing with his family, dealing with lying, dealing with maybe livelihood, a lot of things that he had left unaddressed and he wasn't dealing with. It's like, yeah, I'll deal with it later. But he wasn't dealing with it. So the teacher very firmly said to this person, you've got to get out of the pounding surf because your life is a train wreck. And he was experienced, like every time we met, he was talking about how how many problems were going on in his life because he wasn't cleaning up these basics. So out of love, this teacher said, well, just get out of the pounding surf first. Put your 100% of your attention on focusing on your livelihood, your family, not deceiving and lying, getting out of incongruent relationships and troubles clean your basics up because i don't want to add any more to your life by giving you spiritual practices on top of all the other stuff you haven't done which you could be doing it right now and uh He did start cleaning up his life, and very quickly he came back to the group. So it was all out of love, and it was a very firm boundary, but it was a very insightful and loving boundary. You can't go forward... If you're bobbing around and getting pounded by the surf, if you're caught in that surf and you're just being battered, you have to get out of that in order to move forward. So that's what that was about. But it came from love. And then Jen goes on to say, but what about the boundary in place to love yourself? The hard boundary of loving yourself enough not to let things hurt you. That's what I'd love to hear more of. Well, remember I was saying, and this is I'm sure what lots of you experience. In duality, in this world, there are many levels of reality as well as beyond this world. You can see beyond this world as you get clearer and clearer, and many of you do. You can see deep beyond this world as you become clear and your intuition opens up, you intuitively know things. So as you become clearer, you see everything is love. At that point, Everything in this world is love and you don't feel threatened, although you step out of the way of a bus. You use your discrimination, but you feel very secure inside. Even if something happened to you, you died. You feel secure. It's okay. Life, I mean... There is no such thing as time. It's not that anybody disappears at all. The only thing that happens is your body stops. You don't. And you take with you who you are. And that includes your development and your personality. It's the whole package you take with you. Makes sense, right? wherever you go, there you're going to be. And it's not like suddenly you're an angel with a harp and everything is great. If you left here and it wasn't great, wherever you go, you're still the same person that didn't feel great here. You don't feel great wherever you go. However, you keep working on stuff every day, every day, every day, wherever you go. Better to get it clear here because in this existence, in this world, Our troubles are very easy to get hold of. A car could cut us off in traffic and then it reveals to us we have frustrations and anger and whatever. Or somebody could say something to us and it reveals that we have insecurities or whatever. Our selves, our true selves, are not any kind of tension or hurt or pain. So as a litmus test, anytime we experience any tension, any pain, any frustration or anger or anxiety or fear, We know that's not who we are. If we let it go, we'll still be here. We'll just feel better. Our body will feel better. So we know it's not us. And we're often spending part of our life working to let that stuff go because we know it's not us. So life is very generous, and it will point out to us any stuff that still remains inside of us. A car will cut us off. Somebody will say something. Something will happen in our life, and it will come to the surface. And then we are invited to let it go. And you use the spiritual tools that work for you. I say all that to answer Jen's question. Okay, what about a hard boundary of loving yourself enough to not let things hurt you? Well, that is a form of love. That is loving, to block things out that could hurt you. And yet, because there are so many levels in this world, it's also the thing that At one level, I perceive hurting me, and it really does. Like that ice knife, it could hurt me. But on another level, it's life-giving water as it melts. So what I discover is a mix of those two things. If I can't handle something... I block it out. I do a boundary and I just stop until I can handle at least picking up one sock, at least 1%, until I can handle doing something with this overwhelming thing. And then the next day I do another and another and another and eventually it melts. It melts into, it releases all this repressed energy, which is consciousness, love, peace, and well-being. So I don't want it to be blocked out forever because it is a part of my wholeness. It's just frozen in a painful shape. But at the same time, I don't want to let it in before I'm able to work with it. And I only want to let it in to the degree I am able to work with it today. And then I block the rest out. So yes, form boundaries to protect yourself. Only do what you can do. Because if you go beyond that, what happens? Your whole nervous system shuts down. You're overwhelmed. So you have to pace yourself. That's what I've found. But it's just like Christine said, show up one step at a time each day. Just do something every day. Jen goes on to say, during this challenging time, perhaps this question also applies in terms of boundaries of self-love and recognizing the limits of what we can do. Yes, that's just what we're talking about. Baby steps. The limits of our ability to experience the suffering of others, yes. As you become more open, it's possible to experience a lot of suffering of others. Now, eventually that melts into wellness. But really, as a personality, as an individual person, I can't handle the world's suffering. It's too big. I remember the first time I went to India, another one of these experiences I had is my guru, through his energy, showed me the suffering of the world. I felt it. And I felt it for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours until I was, I just, I couldn't take it anymore. It was horrible. And sometimes I feel it now, you know. But back then I felt it and there was nothing I could do. And a monk came up to me and he said, William, what are you experiencing? And I told him, I feel Krishna Raj, I feel the suffering of the world. And he goes, yes. And I said, there's nothing I can do. And he goes, yes. Bottom line, that's it, period. So you give it to the infinite. You give it to God. You give it to the infinite. When you come across that kind of suffering, you can't hold it. Until you're big enough to hold it, don't even try. Because when you're big enough to hold it, there is no you. There isn't a personal you. You are the infinite. The infinite has become you, has come down through your body, through your mind, your personality. And enough letting go has happened that you're shining through. You're kind of got to, you know, you're approaching extremely awake status. I mean, levels anyway. Give it away. You don't, you just can't handle something that big. You're right. So I would say give it to God would be the first thing. Give it to whatever word you want to use, the infinite, your Buddha nature, whatever. Give it to that. Don't hold it. Just give it. If it helps to put up a boundary and that's what you need to do, do that and give it. Do whatever. And then keep on your spiritual practice. Just keep showing up every day. Thank you, Jen, for that. Now, I want to read one more question or comment. Therese wrote in and she said she was still very interested in your response to Jen's question about boundaries. But for me, I'd like you to talk about the idea of we are all connected, we are all one, But sometimes in the human form, some people don't feel so great. I don't feel safe around them, or I can feel depleted around them, even though we're one. It feels mean or selfish setting and keeping a boundary protecting me from this person who is also one with me, who is also at heart love and well-being. What do I do? How do you handle that? And it's like same as, yes, we are all one. It's like everything is water, but frozen water takes the shape of a knife, perhaps. You get out of the way of that knife. It can hurt you. There have been times in my life that I have been so layered with pain that I have made nasty remarks or reacted less than perfectly. It can happen a lot. I take note and do my best to what's going on here and show up and let that melt. And then let the peace and love move into that area. Well, it's the same with any kind of boundaries with people that are indeed being harmful around us through their energy or their actions or whatever it is. They might be displaying harmful traits to us that are just our nervous system can't take it. And boundaries are appropriate. But we never have to give up our love. You can still love that person and have boundaries, just like you can still love the person that you tell no. Like my friend Bob told that guy in his group, no, don't come back. He said no. But I can tell you, Bob loved that guy. He didn't shut his heart to the guy. And the guy felt that. He felt he wasn't shut out. He was being helped. Because in the awake state, as we become more and more awake, and it's a continuum, it's a process. But as we become more and more awake, our heart is more and more open all the time, even though disturbing things might be happening right in front of our face. Doesn't mean there's no law that says we have to close our hearts. Yet we can put up boundaries. We can do both at the same time. Open heart, close boundary. Invite the person to grow. Invite them to find their highest self. So, you know, if I'm putting up a boundary and I feel discomfort about putting up that boundary, I might ask myself, where's that discomfort coming from? Do I feel a little codependent? Is it some of my unresolved stuff? I don't want to disappoint the other person. I don't want to hurt the other person. I'm trying my best not to hurt them. I'm acting from love, but maybe I have anxiety I haven't resolved. Maybe I have issues with other people that I haven't resolved. So, That interaction is showing me that. So what do I do? I bring that to my spiritual practice. And I let it melt out. Really, if we don't trouble ourselves, we won't be troubled. Michael Singer is fond of saying that, and I like that. If we don't trouble ourselves, we won't be troubled. What will we be? If we're not troubled, we're light, we're love, we're well-being. The less trouble, as I let go of more and more troubles, isn't this true of you too? You feel more peaceful. Because you are peace. And you're not being distracted by a layer of trouble. Don't you feel more loving the less trouble you have in your life? You feel more fulfilled and you feel good. You feel happy. You're not troubled anymore. You start to be able to see the good in life. You connect to nature, and wow, it feels so good. You don't hurry yourself and beat yourself through the day. I've got to hurry. I've got to do this or that before I can relax. I'll relax once I do this task, but until then, I won't relax. I'll be real hard on myself. Do we do a little of that sometimes? Hurry sickness. As we let these troubles go, we don't do that stuff. We experience ourselves as well-being and joy and happiness. All the great ones, that's what they talk about. And as you awaken more and more and more, as you are, it's inevitable if you continue your spiritual practice every day. It's inevitable. You're on the right path, whatever it is. And if you ever feel that you're not, that's your intuition talking to you and just switch. Try out something else. It's not rocket science. Trust your heart. There's not like this one way and if I don't do it, I won't. No, there is one way and that's your heart. It's letting the troubles go that you feel. And there's no question, ow, that hurts. The litmus test, if it hurts, let it go. Because you don't hurt. Your peace, love, and well-being, and that radiates through your body, through your nervous system. It's very healing. It's very, very healing. You are health itself and beyond. You're every good thing out there. That's you. So if at any moment it doesn't feel like that, no problem. Just keep at your spiritual practice. Let go. Let go. Okay. Thank you so much. I've really enjoyed being with you. Thank you, everybody who sent in questions, everybody that's asked questions. Hey, Patricia, never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. When trouble troubles you, let it go. Thank you, Jennifer. Thank you, everybody. I look forward to talking with you next time and keep up the good work. You're doing great. Take care. Bye.