Sex 101
“Something tells me this one’s gonna be a doozy …”
This series, Havin’ A Talk With God, is a preview of a new Podcast Musical set to premiere in September 2022.
Get to know Thyme Quinn — and through the course of her conversations with her good ol’ pal, God, eavesdrop on the prayers of a most complex character searching for Truth in her daily struggle to understand her own complexities – complexities that we all struggle with daily.
We’ll be presentin’ this weekly, an’ doncha worry none, each episode won’t take ya’ more ‘an 5 or 6 minutes a shot. Along the way we promise lots a’ food for thought, a lotta laughs, an’ even a revelation or two regardin’ your own life.
Try it. He’s a different kinda God. He talks back … in plain English.
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Havin' A Talk With God
A Podcast Series
E10: Sex 101
Thyme
God? Are ya' there?
God
I'm there an' I'm here.
Thyme
Well that's an interestin' way a' puttin' it …
God
Yup.
Thyme
God, I got somethin' kinda personal ta' speak on this mornin'.
God
Well, that's good, Thyme. I like that personal stuff.
Thyme
Ya' do?
God
I do.
Thyme
I'm not sure I know where ta' start.
God
Well, take it from the top. Start with the subject.
Thyme
All right. You asked fer it.
God
Hmmm, something tells me this one's gonna be a doozy.
Thyme
Yup.
God
So what's the subject?
Thyme
Ma' boobs.
God
Well … all right. Uh … What about ‘em?
Thyme
Well … why is it, that whenever a boy or a man sets his eye on me, that's about the first thing he looks at? An' then if we get ta' talkin', durin' the conversation, they always receive a series a' covert glances. What's wrong with these guys? Ain't they never seen boobs before?
God
Well, Thyme, let's just say you were blessed.
Thyme
Well, nobody ever looked at ma' shoulders like that? What's so special ‘bout boobs?
God
Well, maybe it's cuz the boys don't have ‘em.
Thyme
Ya' mean they's wishin' they did?
God
No, Thyme. They're just being curious, that's all.
Thyme
Curious ta' what? See ‘em? Touch ‘em?
God
Well, I donno. Boys will be boys …
(Long pause)
Thyme
That's your answer? C'mon God, ya' gotta do better n' that! That ain't why you created ‘em. That's fer sure. They's ta' feed babies. Anybody knows that!
God
Well, ya' got a point there, Thyme.
Thyme
I'm sure ya' never intended ta' make ‘em a spectacle fer the boys!
God
Well, no, you're right about that. That came as a bit of a surprise to me too … ‘specially when they came to be such a point of interest.
Thyme
Well, how you think they came ta' that?
God
You certainly ask a lot of good questions, Thyme. What's the first thing you notice about a boy?
Thyme
Well usually it's a person's eyes now, ain't it? I guess ya' can tell the most about a person by lookin' inta their eyes. Certainly not at their boobs!
God
Well, I guess the boys are just being human. Maybe the ones that just spend the most time on your boobs are the ones that are tellin' you something about themselves that you should pay attention to. If your boobs are more important to them than your eyes … well then … what's that tell you?
Thyme
Well even our minister, Josiah Washburn, sneaks an occasional glance. I'll have ta' admit. It's kinda cute when he does. He gits all red in the face. But much to his credit, he don't do it very often. When that man looks me in the eye, why he jus' dives right on in. Sometimes I jus' get all a'twitter. I … I… don't even know what ta' say. So I jus' start complimentin' him on his Sunday sermon. You know, ta' change the subject.
God
I know.
Thyme
Well, you've given me a lot ta' think about today.
God
An' vice versa.
Thyme
I'm thinkin' next time one of the boys does that ta' me, I'll jus' step back an' say, “Here ya' go now, take a good look.”
God
Uh … Oh ,oh …oh no Thyme. I wouldn't do that. Tha … that would possibly give'em the wrong idea.
Thyme
An' jus' what idea would that be?
God
They could take that as your being sexually interested in them.
Thyme
Whoa. Now how'd we get ta' that? I thought I was beginin' ta' understand all this.
God
Yeah, well now, sex – that's a whole other subject.
Thyme
Yeah, I been meanin' ta' talk ta' ya' ‘bout that too!
God
Uh huh.
Thyme
What? You embarrassed ta' talk to me ‘bout that cuz I'm a girl?
God
Well, no, I … Why doncha talk ta' Lizzie ‘bout that.
Thyme
Lizzie?!! That's all she ever thinks about! Sex this, Sex that! I swear, she's a stuck record.
God
Yeah, come to think of it, she might not be your best example.
Thyme
No sir. So I ain't got no Papa … an' Mama don't talk a'tall, so you're the only one left!
God
Well, mercy me. OK. But why don't we save that to another day?
Thyme
OK, we got a deal. I'll be drawin' up a list a' questions fer ya'.
God
I'm sure you will.
Thyme
But if ya' don't mind there's just one little question I have for ya' on this here subject a' a copulation. Now, I was wonderin' if … if … if, God? Are ya' there? God? God! Boy you sure can dive outtuva' conversation … Well, I guess I'll see ya' tomorrow.