Series 2, Episode 10: Havin' A Talk with God: Sex 101

Sex 101

“Something tells me this one’s gonna be a doozy …”

This series, Havin’ A Talk With God, is a preview of a new Podcast Musical set to premiere in September 2022.

Get to know Thyme Quinn — and through the course of her conversations with her good ol’ pal, God, eavesdrop on the prayers of a most complex character searching for Truth in her daily struggle to understand  her own complexities – complexities that we all struggle with daily.

We’ll be presentin’ this weekly, an’ doncha worry none, each episode won’t take ya’ more ‘an 5 or 6 minutes a shot.  Along the way we promise lots a’ food for thought, a lotta laughs, an’ even a revelation or two regardin’ your own life.

Try it. He’s a different kinda God. He talks back … in plain English.

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Transcript

Havin' A Talk With God
A Podcast Series
E10: Sex 101

Thyme

God? Are ya' there?

God

I'm there an' I'm here.

Thyme

Well that's an interestin' way a' puttin' it …

God

Yup.

Thyme

God, I got somethin' kinda personal ta' speak on this mornin'.

God

Well, that's good, Thyme.  I like that personal stuff.

Thyme

Ya' do?

God

I do.

Thyme

I'm not sure I know where ta' start.

God

Well, take it from the top. Start with the subject.

Thyme

All right. You asked fer it.

God

Hmmm, something tells me this one's gonna be a doozy.

Thyme

Yup.

God

So what's the subject?

Thyme

Ma' boobs.

God

Well … all right. Uh … What about ‘em?

Thyme

Well … why is it, that whenever a boy or a man sets his eye on me, that's about the first thing he looks at? An' then if we get ta' talkin', durin' the conversation, they always receive a series a' covert glances. What's wrong with these guys? Ain't they never seen boobs before?

God

Well, Thyme, let's just say you were blessed.

Thyme

Well, nobody ever looked at ma' shoulders like that? What's so special ‘bout boobs?

God

Well, maybe it's cuz the boys don't have ‘em.

Thyme

Ya' mean they's wishin' they did?

God

No, Thyme. They're just being curious, that's all.

Thyme

Curious ta' what? See ‘em? Touch ‘em?

God

Well, I donno. Boys will be boys …

(Long pause)

Thyme

That's your answer? C'mon God, ya' gotta do better n' that!  That ain't why you created ‘em. That's fer sure. They's ta' feed babies. Anybody knows that!

God

Well, ya' got a point there, Thyme.

Thyme

I'm sure ya' never intended ta' make ‘em a spectacle fer the boys!

God

Well, no, you're right about that. That came as a bit of a surprise to me too … ‘specially when they came to be such a point of interest.

Thyme

Well, how you think they came ta' that?

God

You certainly ask a lot of good questions, Thyme.  What's the first thing you notice about a boy?

Thyme

Well usually it's a person's eyes now, ain't it? I guess ya' can tell the most about a person by lookin' inta their eyes. Certainly not at their boobs!

God

Well, I guess the boys are just being human. Maybe the ones that just spend the most time on your boobs are the ones that are tellin' you something about themselves that you should pay attention to. If your boobs are more important to them than your eyes … well then … what's that tell you?

Thyme

Well even our minister, Josiah Washburn, sneaks an occasional glance. I'll have ta' admit. It's kinda cute when he does.  He gits all red in the face. But much to his credit, he don't do it very often. When that man looks me in the eye, why he jus' dives right on in. Sometimes I jus' get all a'twitter. I … I… don't even know what ta' say. So I jus' start complimentin' him on his Sunday sermon.  You know, ta' change the subject.

God

I know.

Thyme

Well, you've given me a lot ta' think about today.

God

An' vice versa.

Thyme

I'm thinkin' next time one of the boys does that ta' me, I'll jus' step back an' say, “Here ya' go now, take a good look.”

God

Uh … Oh ,oh …oh no Thyme. I wouldn't do that. Tha … that would possibly give'em the wrong idea.

Thyme

An' jus' what idea would that be?

God

They could take that as your being sexually interested in them.

Thyme

Whoa. Now how'd we get ta' that? I thought I was beginin' ta' understand all this.

God

Yeah, well now, sex – that's a whole other subject.

Thyme

Yeah, I been meanin' ta' talk ta' ya' ‘bout that too!

God

Uh huh.

Thyme

What? You embarrassed ta' talk to me ‘bout that cuz I'm a girl?

God

Well, no, I … Why doncha talk ta' Lizzie ‘bout that.

Thyme

Lizzie?!! That's all she ever thinks about! Sex this, Sex that! I swear, she's a stuck record.

God

Yeah, come to think of it, she might not be your best example.

Thyme

No sir. So I ain't got no Papa … an' Mama don't talk a'tall, so you're the only one left!

God

Well, mercy me. OK. But why don't we save that to another day?

Thyme

OK, we got a deal. I'll be drawin' up a list a' questions fer ya'.

God

I'm sure you will. 

Thyme

But if ya' don't mind there's just one little question I have for ya' on this here subject a' a copulation. Now, I was wonderin' if … if … if,  God? Are ya' there? God? God! Boy you sure can dive outtuva' conversation … Well, I guess I'll see ya' tomorrow.