How Comedy is Just Tragedy Plus Time - A Look into Emotional Recovery - Andrew Davie : 105

Have you ever questioned the strength of the human spirit in the face of adversity? Here is Andrew Davie, who recounts his captivating fight against a ruptured brain aneurysm. A former budding author, Andrew takes us through the intensely personal twists and turns of his life following that fateful day at the airport. He sheds light on the gruelling process of physical healing and the slower, often overlooked journey of emotional recovery that ensued.

Imagine a life-altering event that forces you to reevaluate and redefine your dreams, emotional connections, and the essence of joy. Thrown into such an upheaval, Andrew grapples with his new reality. He candidly discusses the emotional roller coaster he endured after his physical recovery, his dreams of becoming a published author put on hold, and the struggle to navigate the changes in his emotional landscape. However,  Andrew emerges with a newfound appreciation for beauty and a fresh perspective on life.

Lastly, we delve into Andrew's present and future. Andrew recently started a Clinical Mental Health Counseling program keen on assisting others in their recovery from brain injuries. Andrew's journey serves as a beacon of hope for those dealing with similar experiences, underlining the essence of resilience and the power of hope.

Andrew is a co-host of the show Happy Hour with Heather and Guest and a crime fiction novelist, short story writer, and volunteer.

Let's enjoy his story.

To connect with Andrew: https://andrew-davie.com/ @adavieauthor

Transcript

Daniela: 0:08

Hi, I'm Daniela. Welcome to my podcast, because everyone has a story, the place to give ordinary people, stories, the chance to be shared and preserved. Our stories become the language of connections. Let's enjoy it. Connect and relate, because everyone has a story. Welcome my guest, andrew David. How many times have we questioned the strength of the human spirit in the face of adversity? Well, here is Andrew. He is a crime fiction novelist, short story writer, volunteer. He's also on a podcast with her friend Heather analyzing heavy metal music. He decided to come to the show to recount his captivating fight against a ruptured brain aneurysm. Andrew's story takes us through the personal twists and turns of his life following that faithful day at the airport. Andrew's story is a shiny example for anyone who is going through tough times. It shows us how important it is to be strong and never lose hope. It might take more time, it might take more work, but we will get there. Let's enjoy his story.

Andrew Davie: 1:26

Welcome, andrew to the show. Thank you so much. It's great to be here.

Daniela: 1:30

Andrew, we were talking last week and you had a really interesting situation happening to you. Of course, you have a story to share. Why do you want to share your story?

Andrew Davie: 1:40

I think people who are struggling with difficulty right now. My story is one of triumph, so I'm hoping that if people hear it, they will feel better about managing to overcome difficulty in their own life.

Daniela: 1:51

And is sharing your story also helping you.

Andrew Davie: 1:53

Yes, it's very much a cathartic thing where I feel more comfortable afterward as well.

Daniela: 1:59

Oh, I think that's an important point of people forget you sharing it. It makes you feel better as well, great. So when does your story start?

Andrew Davie: 2:07

Probably the best part to start is June of 2018. So about almost five years ago, I had just finished the year. I was a teacher, a high school English teacher, and I had decided I wasn't going to renew my teaching contract. Instead, I was going to try to get a PhD in creative writing. I had begun to apply to schools, but I hadn't gotten in anywhere and, since it was the summertime, I was about to go visit my parents who live out of state. So I was going to fly and I got to the airport that morning. I got to my gate and I started to sweat uncontrollably. This is before COVID.

Andrew Davie: 2:44

I thought I might be coming down with a cold or the flu, but that was it. There were no other indications. And then they called my group and I lifted my bag and it felt like I had cinder blocks in my bag. Probably should have been a red flag at the time and I shouldn't have just disregarded it, but I thought you know what? I'm probably just getting sick. If I get on the plane, I can take a nap, and when I land, everything will be fine.

Andrew Davie: 3:07

I began to walk toward the jetway, I scanned my ticket and the floor started to shift, like I was in a carnival funhouse. I still wasn't thinking clearly at the time. I remember thinking it's going to be difficult to walk onto the plane if the floor is moving, so I'll have to figure out how to account for that. So I took a step forward and I fell. Fortunately I didn't get on the plane and because I was at the airport and I was in public, first responders could get to me and it turned out I was experiencing a ruptured brain aneurysm. The fact that it happened when I was on the jetway in a public place is what essentially saved my life.

Daniela: 3:43

Because you were at the airport, they could get faster to you.

Andrew Davie: 3:46

Yeah, if I had been in the bathroom or if I'd gotten on the plane or if I'd still been on the train going to the airport, I probably wouldn't be sitting here talking to you right now. It happened to work out the timing of it worked out so that I was in a public place in front of other people. I remember saying someone said don't move, and they put a neck brace on and I remember paramedics had begun to take care of me. When they said don't move, I replied with I can't miss my flight, because all I could think about was how disappointed and upset my parents would be that I missed my flight. And then I don't remember the next three weeks I was in intensive care, I managed to go to the hospital, I was in surgery and then the next three weeks I was up and I was alert and I've seen videos of me eating food and responding to people, but I have no memory of it, oh wow.

Andrew Davie: 4:36

At the time my brother and his family were also visiting my parents. He called my cell phone a bunch of times when I didn't get on the plane JetBlue whom I was flying. I had filled out the emergency contact form so they let my family know that I didn't miss my flight, but they didn't know and knew what the details were. Eventually my neurosurgeon's physician's assistant found my phone and saw a bunch of missed calls, so he called my brother, told him what had happened and my family made the trip to Washington DC where I was in the hospital.

Daniela: 5:08

How long were you without your family knowing that you were in the hospital?

Andrew Davie: 5:12

Probably, maybe 10 hours, 15 hours. Okay, it was the same day. They managed to get a flight to come up and then my brother drove their car, so everyone was here and it was sort of touch and go for those first few weeks whether or not I would make it. I think the big question was, if I did make it, would anything be really different? Would I still be the same person? Would I have the same personality?

Andrew Davie: 5:35

I think I had a second bleed at one point. For some reason I kept thinking that when I would need to use the bathroom I would have to get out of bed instead of the catheter that I had had. One of the first nights I tried to get out of bed and I fell and broke my notes. Yeah, so I mean, everything went right in the grand scheme of things, but everything also seemed to go wrong. And then I became lucid after about three weeks and I went into the rehab wing.

Andrew Davie: 6:02

And then the next few years, if I can condense it, the first year was mostly physical recovery, where initially I had to walk with a cane and then I could give up walking with the cane. I had had double vision, so I wore an eye patch and then eventually my vision healed. It was a lot of. The emotional recovery took a lot longer. The initial thought is that suddenly one day you'll feel the same that you used to, and that's not really true. There are elements of my former life that I still in touch with the same people and I still see the same friends, but it's not the same existence that I'd had before the injury.

Daniela: 6:38

When you were at the hospital and you started to be conscious of what was happening. How do you feel that you felt like all your dreams or plans? Not yet.

Andrew Davie: 6:47

What I've discovered that's interesting is the physical recovery happens first. Other people have confirmed this, that it's not just me. If you're in a traumatic experience, usually you focus so much on the physical aspects of your recovery first, and then, as that begins to taper off, then you begin to think about some of the more existential questions like what do I do? What does this all mean? Why am I here? Things that you would think about normally. But now it's a little different. I used to think that when I was out of the hospital and I went back home, that it would be like putting an old jacket on that still fit, and it turned out to be very different. I had to sort of reevaluate what my goals were, what mattered to me anymore.

Daniela: 7:36

You raise a very good point. People take care of the physical. You have to walk, you have to do all these things and then don't work at the same time with the emotional part. Do you think that they should do that, they should work together, or you really need to focus on the physical first?

Andrew Davie: 7:50

I think that's just how it happens. I don't necessarily know if there's a choice involved. I think your body and mind probably focus on the physical recovery, first because it's so necessary you need to be able to eat and walk and sleep to live and then, as that sort of gets taken care of, then your mind begins to focus on larger questions that are more emotional.

Daniela: 8:13

So what happened then? You came home and you were obviously going to leave with your parents. Now I am assuming normal school.

Andrew Davie: 8:20

I went back to the same school to try and be a substitute teacher. I didn't get into any of the PhD programs I had applied to and they were looking for substitute teachers, but it was a little too overwhelming. I had worked with kids who have ADHD and learning differences and they really need somebody who's at 100% capacity, so I wasn't really the best candidate. And then I thought, since teaching was my experience, I could get a job as a tutor. So in March of 2020, I was living back in my old apartment and I found a job at a tutoring center. So I thought that would be what I did. And then, in April of 2020, when COVID hit, the job was canceled.

Andrew Davie: 9:02

At that point, I moved back in with my parents because no one knew what was really going to happen, and that was really strange because I had gone from a very personal experience, recovering from an aneurysm that was difficult to articulate to people, and now, all of a sudden, everyone is dealing with a similar problem in a worldwide pandemic. So that's when I lived with my parents for a year and I could really fully think about how I wanted to spend my future, instead of going back to teaching, because it was what I knew, I figured there might be something that's a better fit. During COVID I thought about becoming a mental health counselor. So that's I'm actually now back in school, getting my degree, so I can help other people recover from brain injuries with what I've learned.

Daniela: 9:52

Okay, so you wanted to become a counselor, but what happened with the writing?

Andrew Davie: 9:55

Fortunately, I decided that I would see if I could still write, just to be able to do it. By that time I had already published a crime fiction book, so I had sort of crossed that line before. Now. I just wanted to see can I still do it? I began writing something that was just going to be an exercise, mostly to see if I could still write. I realized that I could, so I've been able to continue to write on my own. I've published more books since then, but it's not the main focus that it used to be. That was part of the changes that I had to become comfortable with. Previously, wanting to be a published author was the number one goal in my life. That I thought would somehow change everything, and then I realized that I needed to have more to focus on.

Daniela: 10:41

How do you feel that you had this big dream and now you moved to the side?

Andrew Davie: 10:46

Yes, I think I was under the impression that if I published a book then I would suddenly maybe be the next John Grisham. That would open a lot of opportunities for me. Suddenly my life would change and even though I did publish a book, that didn't happen. So I think I had to reevaluate what my expectations were. All of this sort of happened because I had had the brain injury and that sort of forced me to reevaluate everything. I had also thought before the injury that I would settle down, possibly get married, start a family. That was also a very important thing.

Andrew Davie: 11:24

After the brain injury I have difficulty making emotional connections. Sometimes I realized that that would be difficult to have a relationship with somebody if I'm unable to connect with them emotionally. Even though that may come back one day, I realized it would sort of be futile and not important to try and force it. I'm enjoying now. I write for myself and if I find something that I enjoy that I think would be worthwhile, I send it out to a publisher. I had been dating for a little while but I decided to stop because it just seemed like it wasn't the worthwhile thing and then, rather than go back to teaching, I thought counseling would be a better fit, and helping other people would be more beneficial to me.

Daniela: 12:07

Good, interesting. Thank you for explaining that You're in counseling and you have difficulties to connect with feelings. It's easier for you to be a counselor because even though you can connect, but you won't not take it internally as much.

Andrew Davie: 12:21

Yeah, there's something called transference and counter-transference. When, if you're a therapist and your client's story begins to affect you emotionally, that's called transference. I don't have to worry about it. If I hear a story from somebody that's really sad, it won't necessarily affect me emotionally, which is probably a good thing because I can remain objective.

Daniela: 12:43

And Andrew, were you emotional before?

Andrew Davie: 12:46

Sure, not that I was necessarily prone to crying all the time or laughing all the time, but I definitely would experience emotions more deeply than I do now. Like, would you?

Andrew Davie: 12:56

get really angry or no, I think a good example is so often now there'll be commercials for animals to be rescued from abuse and typically they have very sad songs playing and often people will cry when they watch those because it's supposed to be sad. So before, if I watched one, I would probably tear up. Whether or not I would go into deep crying probably not, but I would certainly would cry or I would tear up. Now I can sort of feel that beginning to happen and then it stops.

Daniela: 13:30

Begins to happen and it stops, but it kind of happens.

Andrew Davie: 13:33

Yeah, so working with therapists who practice is something called somatic experience, and one of the things that we work on is recognizing how the emotion presents itself, because it's different than it does before For me, kind of recognizing, okay, that feeling in my chest that I wasn't sure what it was. That's how I process joy. Before maybe it would have been a bigger feeling throughout my whole body. Now it's just a small feeling in my chest.

Daniela: 14:02

It's interesting that you say that I grew up in a Latin country and I will say empathy is my super power and emotional. When I watch a movie, I feel like that, that transfer concept that you said, and so sometimes it's hard so I can watch things that are very, some specific things that people are being treated badly or things like that, cause I really feel it. Going to a counselor, I remember he was saying that you know, having emotions is really important. You always heard that oh no, no, emotions are not good. You have to be logical and strategic. But now the emotions are coming more to popularity. However, I always thought that if I didn't have emotions, I will have been moving forward in my work career more, because I wouldn't have the feelings, Things wouldn't affect me as much. So I always thought that emotions were not so helpful.

Andrew Davie: 14:54

It's a double-edged sword, because one thing that I had to get used to was, even though I wouldn't feel sadness the same and it's nice not to be overwhelmed sometimes by sadness I also don't feel joy the same way. A lot of the emotions that we would rather not be overwhelming. I also don't get the emotions that we would love to be overwhelming the same way. It's a trade-off. Part of the difficulty in the recovery the emotional recovery was being comfortable with that. It took a long time. It took about three, maybe three and a half years before I began to feel comfortable with the fact that my life had changed and I could still enjoy everything. It would just look differently than what I had anticipated.

Daniela: 15:38

Those are emotions that you were having and that you're having.

Andrew Davie: 15:41

Yeah, it's difficult to explain. Sometimes there is an emotional component to it. A lot of times it's how they're processed or how they affect you. It's been a very long time since I've cried, sobbing, which I think is a result of what had happened, but I don't know for sure.

Daniela: 16:00

Did your family notice that you were this cheerful, loving guy and now you're not?

Andrew Davie: 16:07

No, no, I'm still the same cheerful, loving guy. Another example I was in New Hampshire with a friend of mine. We were by a lake and it was the sunset. I remember thinking to myself this is really beautiful. Thinking I'm going to feel some kind of beauty as an emotion, and that never happened. I could process it intellectually and say, wow, this is really beautiful, but that feeling that I thought would accompany it didn't happen. I don't know if that is supposed to happen or if I just fooled myself into thinking something is missing At this point, adjusted to now, where I just appreciated for what it is and I don't really look at the things that I think should be there anymore.

Daniela: 16:46

Yes, that's interesting. It is what it is. It's interesting that this happened to you and that you wanted to be a writer and now it decided that you're going to be counselor for people, to help people.

Andrew Davie: 16:57

Yeah, well, I can do both. I can write for me personally and I can help people for them and for me. I'm getting the best of everything. That's kind of how I look at it right now.

Daniela: 17:10

Maybe the way you are now, you have some kind of superpower.

Andrew Davie: 17:13

It's entirely possible. Enough strange things have happened in the last couple of years. I often joke that if we make contact with aliens from Mars next year, that it won't be strange, because I survived a brain aneurysm and then we had COVID.

Daniela: 17:32

Good. What plans are you having, besides going to lots of podcasts and sharing your story and being a counselor any other things that you have in your back burner thinking the way you could do?

Andrew Davie: 17:44

I'm still writing, which has been really enjoyable. I have a music review show on YouTube with a friend of mine called Happy Hour with Heather and Guest that we do weekly where we review mostly heavy metal music. I think, growing up, most people have an idea of what their life should look like I should have a good paying job and I should have a family and I should have a car and I should have 2.5 kids. And then eventually you realize that maybe you don't need to do all those things. I think I've gotten to the point now where I'm comfortable that my life doesn't look like what I had thought it would, or what society is telling you that it should be.

Andrew Davie: 18:27

Yeah, I think that's one of the ways I look at the aneurysm now is, even though it was unpleasant and I wouldn't wish it on anyone it allowed me to reevaluate how I wanted to live my life. I'm fortunate that I'm able to live very active life.

Daniela: 18:44

Andrew, I think that's the gift. Society tells people that we have to be this way. Let's start with families, how family is supposed to look like, and now they know that that's not true. It's diverse, it's different things. I don't like it when people think that they have to be married and they have to have a house and they have to have the dog and they have to have the kid. That's not what it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be happy somehow and get to know who you are, and that's the most important thing. If you are good, then whatever comes next to you a partner, a kid, a house, whatever is okay, but it's not what it has to be. So people get stuck with that and it's stressful for them.

Andrew Davie: 19:18

Well, that's sort of the road that I was on. Because things changed, I was able to take a step back and reevaluate everything.

Daniela: 19:25

Yes, and I think that's the message that you need to share with people. You reevaluate it and you just want to have the typical American dream. You just want to have your life. And what are your values now compared with before?

Andrew Davie: 19:39

I used to think, like most people, missing certain things that are out there and I need to get them, and what I've realized is that I have everything I need at this point. I'm fortunate. I have friends, I have family, I have the ability to write, I'm enjoying going to school to get my degree. There's nothing secret that's out there that needs me to find it in order to complete what I have Writing and doing the show with my friend, being able to go see family that those are the things that are important.

Daniela: 20:05

Well, you are living the present, in the moment, and you are really content with what you have, and that is something that a lot of people don't get, so it's beautiful.

Andrew Davie: 20:15

Thank you. Yeah, I always think of a quotation from Henry David Thoreau where he said Most people lead lives of quiet desperation. I was probably one of those people, but now, fortunately, I've been able to make enough changes.

Daniela: 20:29

That's awesome. Thank you for bringing this point to the story. I also want to ask do you think that you can suffer from depression?

Andrew Davie: 20:38

I think there was a period of time within the first year of the recovery that I probably was, I think, because I've been able to address everything and I've made such progress that I'm aware of. I think I'll probably have difficulties in the future, but I don't think it'll be anything that I can't handle.

Daniela: 20:58

I thought that you wouldn't be able to be depressed because you wouldn't have that emotions.

Andrew Davie: 21:02

There was a period of time where I logically was like what's the point of getting out of bed If I'm not able to do the things that used to bring me joy or they're not as important anymore?

Andrew Davie: 21:12

The logic of that just your brain yeah that was something that I needed to adjust to. I can process emotions, it's just the effect of it in terms of sadness or happiness is different. I certainly had to reevaluate what were the valuable things in my life that I would want to get out of bed for. It's sort of difficult to explain Through help you were getting counseling. Over time, I continued to heal and feel better, and then, yeah, I was working with a therapist, first for just to process everything and then next for emotional Anything that you are grateful for during the process?

Daniela: 21:53

is there anything that you will say thanks to these? I believe is super important?

Andrew Davie: 21:59

Yeah, absolutely. I'm really grateful to my family and my friends who've been really supportive throughout the whole thing. There's a place that I got service from called Brain Injury Services. That have been really wonderful. They offer services to people for free who, if you've had any kind of brain injury, you can go there. They have programs. They've been really instrumental in me sort of being able to feel more comfortable as I go through this process the Bee Foundation. That's wonderful to know. Along the way there have been a lot of friends, family and groups that have been helpful just lending support.

Daniela: 22:34

Great, and is there anything that you said? I wish I wouldn't have done this.

Andrew Davie: 22:39

It's really difficult not to have expectations with everything, with how your recovery is going, with what and so I think I probably would have tried better to temper those expectations. My physical recovery happened within the first year mostly, so I think I had assumed everything would be better within a year, and I think if I had to do it all over again, I might remind myself that the recovery and everything happens on its own schedule Wonderful.

Daniela: 23:08

That's good. So you're a wise man, a healthy man now and a content person who knows what they want in his life. That's amazing.

Andrew Davie: 23:16

Thank you, yes, I'm glad to be.

Daniela: 23:18

Yeah, that's very difficult to find people that are at your level now. So, yes, you had to go through a terrible thing, but you're in a wonderful place now.

Andrew Davie: 23:27

Thank you. Yeah, I feel it feels good. You know, the journey is not over by any stretch, but I can appreciate the progress that I've made.

Daniela: 23:34

Excellent. Have you met other people that had had the same situation and are not in the same place as you mentally and physically?

Andrew Davie: 23:42

So the Bee Foundation is specifically for people who've had aneurysms. Some of them have unruptured aneurysms, others have had ruptures, like myself. Everyone is sort of at a different point. It usually takes about three to five years for people to begin to feel comfortable again, and many of the people that I've spoken to are still at the beginnings of their journey.

Daniela: 24:07

Great, and how do you find your? You know the people that you help. How do you advertise your counseling practice?

Andrew Davie: 24:13

Well, right now I'm working for a private practice in Maryland as an intern. Their clients are not from any one particular population, they're called Lighthouse Therapeutic Services. If you need service in Maryland or Washington DC, then you can just go to them At some point. I would like to work with people who are recovering from brain injuries.

Daniela: 24:36

But so what are you doing at the moment?

Andrew Davie: 24:37

So at the moment I'm just just counseling regular people.

Daniela: 24:40

Okay, wonderful, great. We want to put on the show notes the information about your show with your friend.

Andrew Davie: 24:47

Sure yes.

Daniela: 24:48

So we will add that to the show notes. Anybody who likes heavy metal music will be able to find your analysis about it Sounds great. So, andrew, thank you so much for reaching out and for wanting to share your story. I appreciate it and I'm grateful that I have met you.

Andrew Davie: 25:03

Thank, you Likewise. I really appreciate it. Take care.

Daniela: 25:06

I hope you enjoyed today's episode I am Daniela and you were listening to, because Everyone has a Story. Please take five seconds right now and think of somebody in your life that may enjoy what you just heard, or someone that has a story to be shared and preserved. When you think of that person, shoot them a text with the link of this podcast. This would allow the ordinary magic to go further. Join me next time for another story conversation. Thank you for listening. Hasta pronto.