Embracing Resilience Through Lessons Learned - Ryan Delaney : 115

Join me on an unfolding journey of my guest, Ryan Delaney, as he leans into his 60th birthday, armed with the resilience and strength he's gleaned from his time on this earth. Ryan's life story is nothing short of a roller coaster ride, filled with lessons learned from his parents, triumphs and tribulations in the music industry, and a splash of an unexpected career change.

Ryan kicks off his story by reminiscing about his parents. Their strength and resilience, shaped by loss, war, and migration, influenced Ryan's outlook on life and continue to be his guiding stars. 
Next, we traverse the peaks and troughs of Ryan's exhilarating journey in the music industry, from art school to a booming record business. 
The story takes a turn when Ryan, in his midlife, dares to venture into a new career as a personal trainer despite the shadow of self-doubt and the challenges of dyslexia. 
As we wrap up, we delve into Ryan's self-respect, work ethic, and personal growth philosophy. 

Ryan's story showcases the power of passion, positivity, hard work, and resilience when navigating change.
Let's enjoy his story! 

Transcript

Daniela SM: 0:08

Hi, I'm Daniela. Welcome to my podcast, because everyone has a story, the place to give ordinary people, stories the chance to be shared and preserved, or stories become the language of connections. Let's enjoy it, connect and relate, because everyone has a story. Welcome my guest, ryan Delaney. I work in the same building as Ryan, a fitness instructor, an archinocer and someone who appreciates the finer things in life. He always exudes a cheerful and optimistic demeanor and his infections laughter always brightens the atmosphere. I am on the first floor of an open building and he's on the third floor and I can hear his laughter.

Daniela SM: 0:59

Some people may say that smiling all the time is fake and not normal, but I think it's wise to know when and whom let your guard down. But for the rest of the people, why can't we just not constantly smile, show optimism and be kind? I knew of Ryan's love of art, food, travel and music, but during our conversation he also spoke about his parents, their strength and resilience and his successful record business, which I had no idea. We ended our discussion on Ryan's self-respect, work ethic and personal growth philosophy. Our time together make me reflect.

Daniela SM: 1:40

Even though we spend more time with coworkers than our families, do we take the time to know their stories, connect and show that we see, hear and value them. We may do that with the personal seats next to us or that one that we always go to, but what about the rest of the people that work with us that we only say hi? Sometimes we don't even say hi, we don't even know that they work there. What about learning their story? What about connecting with them? Know that you see them and you hear them and you value them? Well, let's enjoy Ryan's story. Welcome, ryan to the show.

Ryan Delaney: 2:18

Thank you very much for having me.

Daniela SM: 2:20

Yes, I'm super happy that you're here. We work together two floors up and I always know when Ryan is in the house because he's always laughing.

Ryan Delaney: 2:30

Yes, I do.

Daniela SM: 2:31

I find that you are the most energetic and enthusiastic person that I can work with, and it's your mood. It's always contagious.

Ryan Delaney: 2:39

Well, thank you very much. That's very kind of you to say that. Always enjoy seeing you there as well.

Daniela SM: 2:43

Yes, and so I'm glad that you are finally here to share your story. So tell me, why do you want to share your story?

Ryan Delaney: 2:51

Well, I think next week is what some people would call a momentous birthday. I'm turning 60. And I guess at this stage, you know there's more to look back on than there is to look forward to. I don't know if that's necessarily true, because I'm having a lot of fun, but I was thinking about a lot of things as this approaches and reflecting on the past and the lessons that I've learned Resilience, the lessons I learned from my parents, how that's helped me in the career that I'm in, how I bounce back from going from everything to nothing and then building an entirely new life for myself and maybe, just maybe, there might be some value for someone else.

Daniela SM: 3:28

Thank you, and it's always wonderful when people share the story, because I feel like listening to other people's stories just listening without enforcing a message of action is actually a great lesson.

Ryan Delaney: 3:42

I agree. I agree Everybody has a story. I love the title of your podcast because it's true and I think there's nuggets of wisdom to be gained from everybody's history or story.

Daniela SM: 3:54

And which days you participate exactly.

Ryan Delaney: 3:56

July the 12th.

Daniela SM: 3:57

All right, well, so in celebration of that decade, when does your story start?

Ryan Delaney: 4:04

My story starts with my parents. I've been thinking about them a lot lately. They've been gone for a very long time. My mother died in 1985. My father died in 97. And thinking about what they took on, how well they did it, and their story, particularly my mother's story, is fascinating. My mother was born in London, england, in 1921, just coming out of the Dickens squalor as she always put it, working class English didn't really have much of a shot. My grandmother fought to give her an education. My mother's resilience and her strength is something that just it continuously astounds me. She was widowed twice. By the time she was 35. Wow. Yeah, she was married briefly at the start of World War II and it's very unusual for somebody of my age to have parents who live through World War II. Even somebody of my advanced years is usually their grandparents, but I had parents who live through World War II. So my mother was married for about two weeks at the start of World War II and her husband was blown up.

Daniela SM: 5:08

Wow.

Ryan Delaney: 5:08

Yeah. Then she met a Canadian serviceman over in England and they got married and she came out to Canada pregnant with my sister 1943, she came out on the Aquitania. I think one of the high ranking officers on the Aquitania at that time was one of the highest ranking officers to survive the sinking of the Titanic and she had to wear a life vest all the way across the Atlantic. Came through Halifax, couldn't tell my grandparents where she was. She could send them a postcard, just say scenery's beautiful when she were here, but they could see by the postmark where she was, told me she was one of the first war brides in BC Within loss. She had never met and wait for her husband to come over. So you know that was the start of, I guess maybe of my journey as well.

Daniela SM: 5:51

So she came alone to Halifax.

Ryan Delaney: 5:53

She came alone.

Daniela SM: 5:54

Pregnant, with your sister to Halifax. And then, how did she? How did she? By?

Ryan Delaney: 5:59

rail All the way to BC Right across Canada. She landed in Halifax. She always told me the things she saw in Halifax. She saw bananas being loaded onto a boat and she hadn't seen a banana for years because of the war, and every day of her life she always ate a banana because she thought this was the greatest country in the world because we had so many bananas. And she came across by rail and came out to BC and settled in Richmond, oddly enough.

Ryan Delaney: 6:22

And then her husband came after the war was over, came out. She didn't get along with her mother-in-law A common story and they were married for I forget how many years and then he died and she had two children by him, my brother and sister and she'd been widowed by the time she was 35, she'd been widowed twice and then she met my dad who had been widowed with three small children. So friends set them up and my father was working two jobs, three small children and a widower. They hit it off. My mother didn't want to see him again after the first date because he showed up in his overalls and friends convinced her to give him a second chance. When he showed up in his uniform, turned around to open the car door for her, slipped in a pile of dog crap and laughed and my mother said right then I knew I'd marry him.

Ryan Delaney: 7:10

So when we're talking about resilience and stuff, I think about what my parents took on. My mother widowed twice, two small children. My father widowed with three small children. Hey, let's get married. Can you imagine anyone doing that today? Yes, you can. You can't afford it.

Daniela SM: 7:32

Oh, yes, you can afford it. That's true, but people still do crazy things like this.

Ryan Delaney: 7:36

But, yes, they do you think so? Okay, I can think of very few people who would even attempt. Well, at least where we live. Well, my mother thought she was going through menopause, went to the doctor and said no, you're pregnant. She went home, slapped my father metaphorically my parents did not hate each other, Don't send letters. But yeah, and then they got married and had three more and then adopted a child.

Daniela SM: 8:00

What? So they had three and five, and then they had three more nine of us. I adopted one yes, my sister Cassandra, yeah wow, wow, but the new parents were super generous.

Ryan Delaney: 8:14

Well, either that or not. Very careful, and my mother never worked outside the home what you couldn't.

Daniela SM: 8:20

She had a lot of kids to take care.

Ryan Delaney: 8:23

She did. I mean, the older ones sort of were called into service to look after the younger ones, but they went through all of that on one wage. My dad had a really good job so we were very lucky. But then they went through all of that and then my sister died yeah, which one? One of my older sisters who I never knew. I was nine months old. My sister, kathy, died in 1964. She was 16, just about 17. That's why we couldn't for a long time watch the sound of music because of the song I am 16, going on 17.

Ryan Delaney: 8:51

It was just destroy my parents and then they had to contend with that and I kind of grew up under the shadow of that. My parents were very overprotective with me. The loss of losing a child is just horrifying horrifying even all those years later. I remember when I was about 10 years old, one of my older brothers got married and on the way back from the wedding and the party and everything, we stopped off to put the flowers on my sister's grave Probably about 1976 I think, and I can still see the look on my mother's face, just pain and grief. She loved my dad's daughter like it was her own daughter, and my mother is actually buried, but they went on growing up into the shadow of that. You can either let it destroy you or you can go on, and my parents chose to go on, and they had also a lot of other kids to take care of too.

Daniela SM: 9:36

Well, they had no choice, yeah and then my mother got ill.

Ryan Delaney: 9:40

I was 22 when my mother died and I never, ever really knew her healthy. I only found out a few years ago that she had been ill for some time before. You know, I was very small before I was ever told, you know, mom sick. It took me a long time to sort of realize that for the last 10 years of her life she was basically dying. You know your face with that. After everything else you have gone through, what do you do? You know, how do you face something like that? And the answer to it is best I can figure it out is you just keep going. So when I think about what my parents contended with, what alternatives do you have? So when I embarked on the career that I'm in, those lessons of resilience have been Most helpful. Whatever it is you choose to do, you simply get on with it, and no nonsense approach to whatever it is is kind of going on. It's like what do I have to do to get through the situation and forge ahead?

Daniela SM: 10:32

So you lost your mama 22, which I lost my dad when I was 20. So I know how hard that can be, especially if you had a good relationship with your parent, then what happened? So you had a lot of siblings, so some of your sisters and all the brothers may also play a role like parents in a way.

Ryan Delaney: 10:53

Well, my older sister kind of did, but you gotta remember there was such an age gap between me and most of my brothers and sisters so they were all out on their own and married when I was still fairly young. So I was out on my own at 22, which you know, a lot of people that age now aren't. They still live at home till they're about 30 now because they can afford it. But I was out on my own paying my bills and figuring out what I wanted to really do with my life at 22 and sort of I was pretty much on my own. I mean, I was always in touch with my dad, had a fantastic relationship with my dad, kind of figuring out what I wanted to do, and that took a couple of years to figure that out. But those lessons of just getting on with it, no matter what is kind of thrown in your way, have stood me in very good stead you found that 22 what you wanted to do.

Ryan Delaney: 11:41

No, I didn't. I found my life's calling around 40.

Daniela SM: 11:44

Oh wow. And so what happened between 22 and 40?

Ryan Delaney: 11:46

various things. I originally came out of high school I want to scholarship, to go to college study art, which is my big passion, as you well know. Yes, then I realized that there wasn't much of a living to be made in that, as pretty as it sounded on paper, and even though it was a burning passion with me, you got to pay your bills. I had several long term jobs and things. I at one point I worked for very well known hotel company for several years, which is a great job, which is a major D. I did a little bit of everything and then in my early 30s I started selling records mostly came out as a hobby love doing that was kind of a thing on the side. It was a hobby always loved music that comes from my mother, as does my love of art and then I started making money out of. Then the internet boom kind of happens, and I actually made my living at that for eight years.

Ryan Delaney: 12:41

Why how I was looking for some stuff and someone said you should put it. This is pre internet and email and everything. And someone said you should put an ad in England for some of the stuff you're looking for. And so we did, and I got inundated with letters from these German and British guys and things can yeah, I can get that for you. Can you find me this in Canada? And this is how much I'll pay for it. So it wasn't an instantaneous thing, but I guess it was about a two or three year period where this little hobby kind of made a little bit of money for me, and that was very nice.

Daniela SM: 13:16

So you were, you were finding records from for other people through in shipping it by mail. Yeah, this is like sending sending.

Ryan Delaney: 13:24

Like you know, you get letters from Scotland and of course whenever I read a letter I read it in the accent of the person who wrote it. And I'll never forget I got this letter from Scotland from some guy who was a postal worker there and goes oh I like that peril jam. You know we wanted peril jam records and I could always, I always had to read it in my head in the accent and I started to make money from this little hobby.

Daniela SM: 13:50

Interesting, so you were ahead of the game. You were like an Amazon or a no no, nothing like that.

Ryan Delaney: 13:55

In the beginning it was kind of like oh OK, you know, here's an extra fifty hundred bucks or something, and that was nice. And then the internet came along and so that helped. Oh my God, I think it was around 1998, 1999. Yes, yes, I started. My thing always is, when we talk about resilience and forging ahead is how do I do this? Somebody show me Like I want to learn how to do this and I learned a lot of my computer skills. A little community center around the corner from where I live, and so I started email the whole nine yards. The money started to pour in.

Daniela SM: 14:35

But how Like so you were. Instead of getting letters, you were getting emails.

Ryan Delaney: 14:39

Not getting emails. You still had to do it through letters and things, people sending you things like postal orders or, my God, they used to send cash through the mail, yes, and so it started to become more of a concern than a hobby. Then it exploded. I forget what year it was it was late 90s and for eight years I sold records all over the world and made the most money I'd ever made in my life.

Daniela SM: 15:02

Wow.

Ryan Delaney: 15:04

That's part of the reason set me up very nicely for retirement. I was traveling to Los Angeles three or four times a year. I would have my clothes designed for me in LA, the whole nine yards. I would sell Japan, Germany, England, all over the world. And oh, it was a great time, A lot of work. It was a great deal of work, but I would have been happy doing that till I died. And then everything changed After about eight years. It became harder and harder more competition, rising costs, money on the internet, and I went from making about $85,000 a year in a six-month period to not even bringing in enough to pay my rent.

Daniela SM: 15:42

Ryan, let me see if I understand. So you will find the records that people requested and ship it back to them so you really wear like an Amazon.

Ryan Delaney: 15:51

Well, yeah, we even got my 70-something mother-in-law to help us with packaging. That's how busy we were. I have a wonderful photo in my living room filled with boxes after boxes of stuff that was going on?

Daniela SM: 16:04

Oh cool, Do you have to also research who has the record that this person is looking?

Ryan Delaney: 16:09

Oh yeah, oh yeah, no, the research was my favorite thing about what I did. I'd wake up in the morning, answer emails and things, and then I would set out on my day. I'd travel all over BC. I would travel all over Seattle to Pacific Northwest through, oh God, thrift shops, you name it, and buying inventory and then going down to LA three times a year buying like massive amounts of stuff, coming back and turning around selling it back to the Americans.

Daniela SM: 16:36

Wow.

Ryan Delaney: 16:37

Fascinating. It was really fascinating. It was a great deal of work, it was a lot of fun, but it was a job. It was one of the happier times in my life and it all went away in about a six-month period. It just vanished, my God.

Daniela SM: 16:51

But you had eight years and then, of course, at that time that salary was quite high. So you were living the life of a look-tourist, so you were having all your clothes tailor-made and you were traveling. So tell me about that a little bit. You like fashions, oh yeah. Is that why it started?

Ryan Delaney: 17:10

Oh, I always liked it, but never had champagne taste beer budget for years, and I remember walking down Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles, beverly Hills, and I'll take that and I'll take that, and oh yeah, wonderful, wonderful. The best part, though, was your own hours, your own boss, not answering to anybody, but working very hard. I mean, this all sounds wonderful, but it was a great deal of very, very hard work, hard, hard work.

Daniela SM: 17:37

Like it's always when you have your own business.

Ryan Delaney: 17:39

You know, yeah, but I loved it. It all went away in about six months. You have this glamorous, wonderful life and all of a sudden, everything can change like that, not even bringing in enough to pay the rent in a six-month period.

Daniela SM: 17:51

I mean, you didn't see it coming, it wasn't slowly happening.

Ryan Delaney: 17:54

I was stupid. I always tend to think long term, but I thought it would always be there. And then it got a little rough, and then it got better, and then it started to get a little rough, and then it got better, and then it got rough, rough and it's like, well, it'll get better again. It didn't. So what do you do? What do you do?

Ryan Delaney: 18:13

I had had a wonderful job several years prior in a very high-end private club here in Vancouver, slinging beer in a pub, which was one of the best jobs I ever had in my life. And I bumped into my ex-boss one day when I was shutting everything down. He said hey, ryan, how are you? Blah, blah, blah, how are you doing? I said you know how's everything going. He said good, How's the record business? I said well, you know, I've shut it all down and he goes. Really it's terrible. I said you know how's the club? And he goes oh my God, do you know anybody who's looking for a part-time job? And I said, yeah, I am. He goes.

Ryan Delaney: 18:43

What happened? I said well, no, it's over and I'll never forget this. He said well, you know, do you want to come back and work? And I said yeah, and he said come back home. I'll never forget that. I'll never forget that. Now, this is something I get very choked up about. So I went back and I never thought I would have to do work like that again after having had this totally different life. I'll never forget this the first day and, by the way, if I'd hated it, I wouldn't have done it at all.

Daniela SM: 19:07

No, you said you liked it and you personally I loved it and, knowing you, your personality is so serving. I mean, you are just amazing about taking care of people, making people feel special, and also you like that to happen to you.

Ryan Delaney: 19:21

Here's the lesson Everything was gone. I had $11,000 in debt. I mean, I had savings and things but I had to grind it out. I got to work, I got to pay off the debt and, you know, hopefully I won't have to touch any of the money I put aside from this. But I got to grind it out and do it.

Ryan Delaney: 19:37

And the very first day I went back there I was doing up my tie and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said I am going to make you people because if I couldn't do it with a good attitude, I wouldn't do it at all. So I went back there, did it every day, showing up and doing it and, by the way, I really liked the job. Members there were wonderful. I will never forget. One day I came in, the general manager was there and there was a scrap of paper or something on the floor and I picked it up and she said how are you this morning? I go, I am fantastic. And she looked at me and gave me that side glance and she goes seriously. I looked at her and I said the second I walked through that door I'm fantastic, it doesn't matter what's going on, show up and do it with a good attitude. So I had my midlife crisis and when I took my first course for the profession that I'm in now, it was paid for by the members of that club.

Daniela SM: 20:28

But, ryan, what made you have that attitude? What made you say I am fantastic? How did you learn that lesson? Reading books from your parents? How, because there is no alternative. Actually, there is an alternative, because you can take a negative attitude towards life.

Ryan Delaney: 20:44

My parents look at what they went through. No, I wasn't fantastic, but the second I walked through that door. You have a job to do and you better be on. Nobody in this world owes you a damn thing. You owe it your talent, your skills and your contributions. And whatever is going on in your personal life or whatever struggles you're having, show up and do it, because there's a difference between strong and weak, and that's what I got from my parents, especially my dad. Just get in there and do it.

Daniela SM: 21:15

I think there is spectrums of saying I'm fantastic and you are just always so on about it. No matter what, you always say I'm fantastic.

Ryan Delaney: 21:25

Well, yeah, and that means sometimes you aren't always fantastic. I mean, let's face it, life gets in the way you have things going on, but I look at what alternative is there. Are you going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself? Are you going to sit there? Oh, poor me, woe is me. Well, okay, cry later, get on with it. And that's the thing I owe it to the people that I interact with. I'm in a service industry. I owe it to make their day better. I owe it to make whatever they're doing better.

Ryan Delaney: 21:55

You want to always uplift people in whatever small way that you can, whatever position you have, wherever you are in life. You never want to bring the energy down. Yes, we all have struggles. Yes, we all have challenges, but the lessons that you learn is that you simply have to get on with it, because it doesn't do you any favors to feel sorry for yourself. It just doesn't. A couple of weeks ago, when into work, you know, when we had that really bad heat wave, hardly had any sleep I was in a rotten mood. First class comes in, I walk in, and I did not want to do it. People walk in. Good morning, bring it, you just do it. You've had mornings like that.

Daniela SM: 22:39

I appreciate you saying that too, because it's not all like you're saying it. I didn't want to do it, but I pretended and it's true, that's what they said about your brain that you don't want to do something. But you just lie to your brain and your brain will think that you do want to do it or you do like it, Exactly.

Ryan Delaney: 22:57

Yeah, and that's part of being a professional. One of my favorite quotes and I use this all the time is a professional gives their best effort when they don't feel like it, or gives their best effort when no one's looking, and it's very true, because there's lots of other people out there who don't have the it's. Also, you know, what are the three things you're grateful for today? Is, you know, half empty, half full? I'm a cynic. At the best of times, you think about all the great things you have in your life. Even when I was slinging beer in the pub After having had this magnificent life, you realize but I get to, I can get through this, I can carry on and do this because I have these other advantages. Yeah, I've had this kind of thing happen to me. Well, so what? What am I gonna do? Sit on a cry about, or am I gonna do something about?

Daniela SM: 23:43

How old are you when the record business didn't work out anymore?

Ryan Delaney: 23:47

forty two or forty three, and then I have, I guess, my midlife crisis and I decided what do I want to do with the rest of my life? What do I wish to contribute? What Is going to really set me on fire? And it found me. I really maintain the old cliche the people come into your life for a reason. I don't think it's a cliche. I think it's the honest truth. And somebody came into my life very, very close friend of mine, who basically would change the entire direction of my life. I've often been accused of giving this person too much credit, but the truth is I wouldn't be in the profession I'm in now If it hadn't been for that person. Out of more curiosity, I started asking questions and that led me into the profession I'm in now. After all those years, at the age of forty two, I discovered a part of myself that I never, ever knew was there and would never have happened unless this person across my back.

Daniela SM: 24:41

What is the part of yourself that you discover?

Ryan Delaney: 24:43

the asshole drill sergeant the friend of mine went on to a career in law enforcement was an amazing shape and I started asking questions about weight lift, like I would go to the gym and I would like. A lot of people just piss around, not have a clear idea. And I start asking questions and my curiosity was peaked. I started thinking you know, I hired a trainer and she would tell me what did she say? You know you'd be really good at doing this. And I said, oh, I'm too old. And she looked at me and she went you're not old.

Ryan Delaney: 25:11

And that really stuck with me and I thought well, you know, could I do this? What are you thinking about? You know, I'm just lexic. You know I was never really good at sports, but I didn't realize that I'm as strong as an ox. And I started thinking about you know, could I do this? And the answer came down you sold records for eight years. Idiot, you can do anything. You know, you made a living doing something that most people would look at. You go, what the hell? You can probably do this. So I started pursuing it and I worked incredibly hard.

Daniela SM: 25:41

You are competing with a lot of much younger people, perhaps no, but I never thought about that like seriously.

Ryan Delaney: 25:47

It never even entered my mind. I just thought how can I be the best at doing this? What do I have to do to do this?

Daniela SM: 25:54

what do you have to do?

Ryan Delaney: 25:55

take courses I took the courses. I remember my first exam. I failed three times because I'm my dyslexia really started to bother me joint actions, muscles, things, directions. I was completely lost and in many ways I think it made me a better trainer because I had to work really, really hard to get it now second nature to me. But I worked really, really hard and then I took the next course and then I started knocking on doors to try and get a part time job and I would have doors slammed in my face and I thought it was because I was too old. It was actually because I didn't have any experience, but I kept going. There's that same thing I learned from my parents. It's like, okay, you don't like me, screw you somebody else. Well, and I just kept going and I finally wound up volunteering at A local community center here, getting sort of like my feet wet, working in a gym, figuring out how things were working with other people who are actually doing what I wanted to do. The more I did it, the more I loved it. I left them To work at this private club that I was working at for the christmas season and they called me up and they said, hey, when are you gonna come back?

Ryan Delaney: 26:54

And I said when you start paying me? And they said, okay, and they did. That was a great experience. And then they said to me would you like to teach some group classes and things? And I said, sure, what do I have to do? How do I have to learn this? What do I have to sort of get under my belt to do this successfully? And that is how I wound up with you.

Daniela SM: 27:13

That sounds like you actually my trainer, but I haven't had the pleasure, for that is your too busy or the pain, so we just work together. That's how we ended up in different departments.

Ryan Delaney: 27:25

Yes, I'm very busy. So I was working the vancouver lawn tennis and badminton club. I was working part time At jewish community center here in vancouver. I would do sunday nights there, you know, learning how to work in a gym and stuff and get me amazing amount of experience. And then I saw an ad for a facility enrichment new opening up and I thought, okay and tell the honest truth. I walked in there and I for my first interview and I almost walked out again because it was this amazing. As you know, it's an amazing facility, sort of the best in north america, and I thought this is way beyond. What the hell are you doing? You're too old and all this. And they hired me, I heard me, gave me some of the best training and education in the world what best education in the world they give you well, this is before your time there.

Ryan Delaney: 28:11

It was post olympics and they brought in a company from phoenix, arizona called the time athletes performance is known as exos now, and they're the best in the world. They train most of the athletes for the nfl combat. The company was started by the director of the nfl players association, mark for state that's, who trained us in 2011. 2012. They came up for one week each time and change everything I did as a coach and train. It's the best in the world. They trained the german world cup soccer Team of 2014, the world cup champions of 2014. That's who trained me. I will always be grateful for that. And then I've subsequently done everything else with them since then a lot of their online education. They are the absolute.

Daniela SM: 28:54

I see not everybody gets to train like that. Then is that what you're saying?

Ryan Delaney: 28:58

oh no, oh my god. Working where we do is giving me so many advantages in terms of my own personal development, my professional development. A lot of challenges on the way, but anything worth doing will have challenges, and I go back to my parents but right answer.

Daniela SM: 29:13

Working at the club you are making decent amount of money because I'm sure that you get tip, but when you were working as a trainer, the salaries are not very high usually.

Ryan Delaney: 29:24

When you start out. No, you had to make. I had to make sacrifices. Like I said, I started by volunteering. You know there's been some challenges now trying to find younger people going into this industry. What I tell my students by the way, the course that I took I now teach things I tell my students is don't discount the value of volunteering. You gotta suck it up and get into that and most don't want to do it now and that's a shame because you can gain invaluable experience and you never know who's watching or looking. Yeah, so I started doing that. No, I didn't make a lot of money in the first little while, but eventually I did do very, very well. Now, mostly from teaching, is what the bulk of my income comes from private clients at another gym. I take my private clients and I can serve charge what I want, and then the clients where we work, which are wonderful and I'm compensated extremely well. I'm doing these three different things, something that I love, but career I never, ever would have thought of doing for twenty years now.

Ryan Delaney: 30:18

Eighteen, nineteen, yeah, it's amazing how one little thing can change the whole trajectory of your life. And are you up to the challenge? Can you do? You have the resilience and the strength to just get in there and do it. And that goes back to what I learned from my parents just get on with it.

Daniela SM: 30:37

Yes, and you have a wonderful life because we have a wonderful partner as well, as you travel a lot and you get to enjoy art and music, which are your hobbies now, but your passion yet they're my passion.

Ryan Delaney: 30:53

Still, everything. I'm passionate about everything, as you know.

Daniela SM: 30:55

Yes, that's true, you like beautiful things, good food and you're always so enthusiastic and adaptable. I feel like this is adaptable and flexible is something that is also part of your trade.

Ryan Delaney: 31:06

You have to. And it goes again the lessons learned from my parents with what they had to contend with and how they simply never lost their sense of humor, which, by the way, people don't tell you is an incredibly powerful weapon when life doesn't go the way you want. If you can see the funny side of anything, that's power, is a great deal of power. All those wonderful things that I worked hard yes, I like nice things, I like all that and I work very hard for them but they are secondary to finding what your purpose is. Those things go away. Your purpose and your vision of the things that matter and that stay.

Daniela SM: 31:40

Everything else is window dressing but the thing is that not everybody gets to find what the purpose is is difficult for some people.

Ryan Delaney: 31:47

My purpose found me I always say that I didn't find it found me largely and one person Can come in and change your entire life. I really do believe that if you're open to it and willing to go on, whatever that journey may be and it can be scary, especially when you find a part of yourself you didn't know was there it's like what do I do with this? And some people don't want to see it. You gotta see it, embrace it and just dive in and see where it'll take you. You'll be glad that you did.

Daniela SM: 32:14

Yes, that is beautiful. Well, I really appreciate that you actually came and share your story because again, I hear you laugh. We have small chat during work time. You sharing your story, it feels that I connected with you more and this like a gift that you have offered me and to everyone that get to know you more Is not just the Ryan, who is always enthusiastic and happy, but here's the story and how the Ryan was built. But are you happy with these?

Ryan Delaney: 32:43

I'm never happy with anything. I do not that I'm unhappy. It could always be better, and that's what I tell myself in my profession. I can always be better but that is exhausting yep, I wouldn't have any other way.

Daniela SM: 32:56

constant self improvement and I understand that. I feel that also. I always want to learn more and more, but there has to be a point that you also have to appreciate. Take time to appreciate who you are now. Hi, yeah.

Ryan Delaney: 33:10

But for me it's always a constant source of how can I be better, how can I do better and mostly, how can I do better when I'm serving others?

Daniela SM: 33:19

I was reading this interesting book yesterday and I'm gonna quote here you are here to be perfect. You're here to embrace how perfect you already are.

Ryan Delaney: 33:28

Yeah, one way of looking at it. I guess I don't know if that resonates with me. I'm not like, yeah, you're never gonna be perfect. But I don't know, maybe that some sort of deep rooted insecurity in me. I don't know, I'm I always like to think I'm not that insecure, but for me I'm not a perfectionist, but I just want to do really well, because I know everything is malleable, changeable and never perfect. But I always constantly how could I do this better? How could this be better? What can I learn from this?

Daniela SM: 33:56

yeah, kind of the same thing I'm really curious about this drive to always do better and learn more. Can you elaborate more?

Ryan Delaney: 34:04

Why I think I was really fortunate growing up gay. My parents didn't care. They did not care. I had incredibly support parents. My father was about as much of a man's man Is there ever was. I mean, we build fences and shop would use an engineer, make no difference whatsoever. I'm so fortunate that way. Yes, things have changed a lot.

Ryan Delaney: 34:23

People are not as hung up on these things with the profession I'm in, I think maybe when I think about that desire for never good enough, constant improvement, it may come from is a game and maybe always feeling like I had to work twice as hard to be thought of as half as good, always feeling, rightly or wrongly, by the way that your work Was always going to be judged differently and that when you've had to stick up for yourself which I've had to do on numerous occasions it's like what the hell is wrong with him. Are god, what a monster. Goodness, I don't really care about any of that, because I just kept going. If you want me to be a monster, I'll be a monster. I'll be the worst monster you've ever seen in your life, but I will be god damn if anybody is ever gonna step on me or treat me with any less respect than anyone else, and this is why I have a big problem with things like anti bullying.

Ryan Delaney: 35:15

Yes, no, kids should ever be bullied. I did a terrible thing. I think we would do better with our younger people if we taught them to stick up for themselves instead, because I've never really been bullied or harassed or anything like that, usually because people are so scared about what might come out of my mouth. Good, I think we doing kids a disservice and also ties into the thing whether, whatever you're growing up with, whatever your ethnicity is, whatever your sexual orientation is, always be your authentic self. There may be bumps on the way, but you know what the cost of not being your authentic self is, a price that I was never willing to pay, ever since I young age.

Ryan Delaney: 35:52

You mean like that, oh yeah yeah, my earliest memories but then when people wanted to bully you at school, well, no more than any other kids okay, okay yeah, there was always kids being a Jerk to you in gym class or something, but no more than any other kid, homophobic Harassments or homophobia not yet. Kids always do that. But I would have my share of it, but no more than anyone else, but I would stick up for myself but could it be also the times that you're growing up?

Daniela SM: 36:19

not everybody has that strong personality that can they stand from themselves they don't look.

Ryan Delaney: 36:25

If you want to be a six foot tall, raven, glittering drag queen, you go, do that. But be the absolute, god damn best. Be the absolute best so that no one can touch you but to get there you have to work really hard.

Daniela SM: 36:38

At the meantime people will make fun of you or say whatever. It takes time.

Ryan Delaney: 36:43

It's always a reflection on the other person. You know it's an old cliche, but it's true. If somebody has a problem with me being gay, it's their problem, and there's some issues that they have not explored.

Daniela SM: 36:54

Trust me, I always wanted to just be judged on my work yes, but interesting that you feel like you have to work really hard to be the best.

Ryan Delaney: 37:02

Everything else is secondary and mostly I've been successful. I think that is one thing. Yes, I've always had to work hard, but but I do care about my work and making my work as good as I possibly can yes, and I remember reading once that you are the co Of yourself.

Daniela SM: 37:18

Yeah, I always think like that. I represent myself and that's why I have to do the best I can't, I'm doing it for me.

Ryan Delaney: 37:25

Yeah, yeah, I'm not, I'm doing it for me. I something that I can be proud of.

Daniela SM: 37:30

Like everything. I mean, if I dress nice, if I want to look good, is it's all because of.

Ryan Delaney: 37:35

I want to feel good is not for other people yeah, exactly, and it can be misinterpreted is insecurity, why are you doing that, etc. But it actually isn't. It's a matter of self respect. Yes, yes. Ultimately judged on the work constantly, but I think if I look a little deeper maybe it does come from. I'm gonna show you maybe. But you know I got older I don't even care about that. But I do care about work and that's the most important thing to me that's the beauty about getting older that we don't care about.

Daniela SM: 38:03

other people think About us, but we know who we are and we do our best all the time yes, exactly so right, and we know that you're super busy now teaching your turning sixty, but you are just not slowing down in any moment. Thank you for sharing your story and for being so open and enthusiastic. Well, thank you very much for having me oh, come on right, and that's not enthusiastic enough thank you so much for having me.

Ryan Delaney: 38:32

Thank you very much, thank you.

Daniela SM: 38:34

I hope you enjoyed it. Today's episode I am daniela and you were listening to, because everyone has a story. Please take five seconds right now and think of somebody in your life, to me and you, what you just heard, someone that has a story to share. Preserve. When you think of that person, shoot them a text with the link of this podcast. This will allow the ordinary magic to go further. Join me next time for another story conversation. Thank you for listening.