Emotional Wisdom for Financial Harmony - Erin Gray : 154

In this episode, we explore individuals' intricate relationship with money, emphasizing its emotional and psychological aspects over mere financial strategies. By sharing Erin Gray's personal experiences and transformative insights, we reflect on our money narratives and the potential for a healthier, more empowered relationship with finances.

Erin Gray is a financial empowerment coach and former CFP® who spent a decade leading her family's construction business. Having overcome the struggles of overworking and chasing achievement without fulfillment, Erin now helps female entrepreneurs build confidence and joy in their relationship with money and business. She believes true success comes from aligning financial and emotional well-being.

We explore:
• Sharing personal stories to find commonality
• Recognizing financial security does not guarantee emotional safety
• The importance of addressing emotional wounds related to money
• Strategies for changing one's money mindset
• Exploring holistic approaches like energy healing and coaching
• Encouragement to embody personal values in financial decisions
• Insights on redefining family dynamics and personal freedoms
• Bridging the gap between emotional intelligence and financial literacy
• Understanding how societal norms affect individual money beliefs
• Cultivating a new perspective on spending and investing based on values
Let's enjoy her story.

You can join Erin for valuable resources and insights on her podcast or visit her page for more personalized coaching experiences.
https://generatealifewelllived.com/

Chapters

• 7:24 Financial and Personal Transformation Journey
• 18:15 Navigating Solo Travel and Personal Fulfillment
• 26:56 Navigating Money and Intuition Trust
• 37:25 Exploring Values and Emotions in Finance

Transcript

DanielaSM: 0:01

Hi, I'm Daniela. Welcome to my podcast, because Everyone has a Story, the place to give ordinary people's stories the chance to be shared and preserved. Our stories become the language of connections. Let's enjoy it, connect and relate, because everyone has a story. Welcome. I am so excited to kick off the new year with an incredible guest, erin Gray. From the moment we met, it felt like we'd known each other forever. We instantly connected over our shared love of travel and it's been such joy staying in touch during my adventures, during my adventures.

DanielaSM: 0:47

Erin is a financial empowerment coach and former CFP who spent years running her family's construction business. She knows what it's like to work hard, achieve success and still feel unfulfilled. Now she's on a mission to help female entrepreneurs build confidence, find joy in their relationship with money and focus on emotional well-being and mindset. In this episode, which I find it fascinating, we explore something we all deal with but rarely talk about our relationship with money. It is not just about numbers. It is about the emotions, belief and stories that shape how we use and think about money. Erin's insights are warm, relatable and so inspiring and check out her website because she has a lot of great information there. So let's enjoy her story. Welcome, erin, to the show. Thanks for having me. I am super excited that you're here, because just since the first time I met you, we're like okay, we know each other for so long, somehow.

Erin Gray: 1:53

We're fast friends, fast friends.

DanielaSM: 1:54

Yes, exactly, so tell me why you want to share your story.

Erin Gray: 1:59

Oh goodness, I think because there's probably someone listening that feels like, hey, me too, you know. That's one of the things that I always wanted to share from a place of you know what. You're not alone Like. A lot of us probably have similar stories and so finding that commonality in each other, yes, and it's true.

DanielaSM: 2:16

Sharing stories is so important and it helps people. Yes, great, and so when does your story start?

Erin Gray: 2:23

I would say probably five years ago.

DanielaSM: 2:26

Okay, what happened yeah?

Erin Gray: 2:28

It had been going on probably since we had our daughter, which was in 2012,. But really deciding I was that person that, like worked for money, worked, so then I could retire, work so then I could have fun, worked so, and I think probably 2018 was when I decided I can't continue to live like this, like working for like almost deprivation right, like at some point in the future then I'm going to get to go have fun, then I'm going to enjoy my life. And so that was probably the wake up, that for me of recognizing I do have some, even though we had and have money, that the fear that I felt a lot with money and not having enough money like that, that was something that needed. That I really wanted to change. And living that life of you get to enjoy at some point in the future, aka retirement, whatever that meant. That's probably five years ago is probably when I got the aha. I don't want to do this anymore.

DanielaSM: 3:30

Interesting. You know, I remember my dad always wanted to live his life, to enjoy it, but then he was ill and he had to work to kind of support us. But then I feel like somehow you get these relationships. You know, one thing is learning about to invest money and save money and the other one is to have this emotional relationship that I didn't know existed, that you know. I think that's what holds us back at times.

Erin Gray: 3:52

It totally does. Like I just was telling someone I definitely was really good with the 3D world, right, I understood how to invest. I understood how to save my money. I understood how to grow my money. I understood how to make my money. I understood how to grow my money. I understood how to make my money.

Erin Gray: 4:04

But I didn't understand how to be with my money and feel my money, and I I put a lot of pressure on my money to to give me the feelings that I was feeling insecure about. Versus we are just in a relationship with money. We get to have money, but it's not this expectation that money is supposed to make you feel secure that is what I used is if a goalpost like if I, if we get to this certain amount, then I'll feel like, okay, I can breathe right or I can relax or you know versus when you think that way there's no amount of money that you're ever going to have, that's going to make you feel safe and secure. Like that's an inside job and we have been taught, at least in the Western world right, like that there's financial freedom, like you get to a certain point and then you feel free.

Erin Gray: 4:46

But from my experience myself and other people. What I've realized is like that actually isn't true. You know there there isn't that freedom there, because then we have more money at risk. So when you're coming from a fear base and a lack place, you know the um, the, the video of like Lucy and who was her friend on the conveyor belt when they were like eating the chocolates and it was going through it's like you don't get to put fear through the conveyor belt and then get like abundance on the other side, right, like it's like what we put in, what we feel is what we're going to get out on the other side, and so recognizing like I was generating money from a place of fear and lack and so how was I ever going?

DanielaSM: 5:27

to feel safe, secure and abundant or sufficient. Yes, and for me it was similar, but I also needed to learn a few tools to kind of bring down the stress with money. You know kind of organizing ways, and did that first, and then I started to learn like, yeah, maybe there's an emotional situation that I need to deal with. I can say this is what I have done Somehow. Reading and being aware of the situation is when I now notice that I have more abundance because I have a better relationship. I'm not saying I'm completely cured.

Erin Gray: 5:59

We're human, right. I always say it's like getting into the body, and I agree with you. There isn't a like fast track A to Z, like I think sometimes people want that. Say it's like getting into the body and I agree with you. There isn't a fast track A to Z. I think sometimes people want that because it's almost like a resistance. They don't want to feel what they're feeling in their body. So it's like well, just tell me what I have to do to not feel this way anymore, versus sinking into like what if one of the things that I was like what if I always kind of have this tenderness with money, and that's okay and that is something that you know.

Erin Gray: 6:27

Yes, I've, I've gone from very fear-based feeling to sufficiency and, most of the times, abundance. But I do notice when my body wants to tell that old story again and instead of getting mad at it and instead of being frustrated, being curious and slowing down and like tuning into my breath and tuning into you know how am I feeling right now? Where is this coming from? I think sometimes in the self-development world, we want to just okay, what do we got to do to fix it, get rid of it, put it up in a little pretty box and like we don't have to do it anymore. Right, maybe that's what my soul came here to learn Right and to teach others and to help others. So it's like came here to learn right and to teach others and to help others. So it's like we want to judge what experience we're having versus like what is the lesson here?

DanielaSM: 7:08

Right. So then what happens? Five years ago you realized that there was something, and so what do you do?

Erin Gray: 7:20

So we were flipping a house in Texas and we had money. We were making money. I think I had a panic attack, I think that's what it's called. It felt very intense.

Erin Gray: 7:24

I sought coaching and at the time I don't think I would have been ready for it, like, if you want to call it, embodiment coaching or getting into the body. So I did very much mind-based coaching, like about my money and things of that sort, but there was probably a two-year timeframe of when I was doing the work but it wasn't changing how I felt in my body, and so that's when I really started to seek more of like okay, this is deeper than oh, let's just change our mindset and our thoughts about money. Like there's some body stuff, like the body has remembered some things that I either might not be aware of. That is what's keeping me kind of in this loop, because even though I'm changing my thoughts, I'm trying to think differently about it. I didn't have that language back then, but knowing now like the body didn't feel safe and so learning about money, trauma, learning about getting what safety feels like in the body and doing, you know, energy, work and releasing some of that stuff that the body you know.

Erin Gray: 8:24

There's a book called the Body Keeps Score. It's a culmination of things, right. It's not just mindset work, it's not just changing your thoughts. It's like how do you feel in your body, energetically? What are you feeling? The short answer is over the last five years doing a lot of that stuff. The start was okay. I want to change my relationship with money and the start was okay.

DanielaSM: 8:43

I want to change my relationship with money.

Erin Gray: 8:44

And so what do you do? Yeah, what have I done to change my relationship with money? I think it's like you said first and foremost it's like what is my relationship like with money right now? Right, asking yourself those questions like are these stories even yours? Are these beliefs yours? So much of how our relationship is with money is from our parental conditioning, understanding where that comes from. And then like what does society teach us about money or not teach us about money?

Erin Gray: 9:09

For me it's been a lot of EFT or breath work or Reiki or energy work, or just being with the feelings. Like I think so often if we feel fear because of those lower vibration emotions, we don't like how that feels in our body, so we try to resist it or we want to feel better versus actually being present with those emotions. Right, fear or shame or guilt, actually feeling into those, breathing into those, versus oh, I just want to feel, you know, I want to feel abundant. Versus when you feel feeling really scared, right, like inner child work that's been a big one to journaling, playing. I think there's so many different ways that people can get into the body to see what works for them, what doesn't. You know. I've tried other modalities that people have raved about and I'm like I didn't really feel anything with that and so just not pigeonholing yourself to like, okay, I have to do it this way. It's like what actually works for me and what feels good.

DanielaSM: 10:08

So you had a panic attack and then you went into a holistic.

Erin Gray: 10:11

I would not say I went into a panic attack to holistic. I went into a panic attack to you know what something has to change. Searching podcasts. Then podcasts led me to somebody else, that led me to somebody else and then a coach that kind of had a membership and did very much so thought-based coaching, very much. Yeah, I would say mindset work, not body and mindset work. That worked for a while.

Erin Gray: 10:35

Then it got to a point where I was like, but still, I'm still feeling this in my body and so taking time off of work, also learning about human design, how I'm supposed to, you know, move through the world trusting my intuition, I think I was very much so logical and mind-based for a long time, like I made decisions with my mind, and so I mean, I remember we were going to move from one house to another and I literally had a pros and a cons list of like why we should move or why we shouldn't move, and I didn't have the language for this at the time.

Erin Gray: 11:08

I had more cons from the standpoint of like, oh well, we might not be able to save as much for retirement and we're going to be starting over on a new year, a new mortgage, and like I had all of these logical reasons. And then I remember, but like I want to move there and I didn't know that at the time, but like that was my intuition being like you want to move there. And then hindsight, 2020, you know, like selling that house and what we profited on that house, and things of that sort. It's like you can't the mind can't figure out what's going to happen. But that is how I was taught how to make decisions is with my mind and so really like getting into my body, trusting my intuition, following and, I think, surrender, right. Like surrender, letting go, trusting, which is completely, I think, opposite of like what the financial world teaches you, you know.

DanielaSM: 11:54

Well, it is interesting that such a material thing, but is that so attached to holistic things, to our body, to your mind, to a spirit? Interesting, yeah, and it seems also that we have read the same books.

Erin Gray: 12:06

Yeah, letting Go. Surrender I mean tons of money book, I mean I keep talking about getting into the body but and also recognizing, you know, that our money relationship is really our money relation is really our relationship with ourselves.

DanielaSM: 12:18

I wanted to look at my library. There is a book that I read. That money is not yours. Did you read that book from Tosha Silver?

Erin Gray: 12:28

I just had it. I just had it on my desk. I saw it on my bookshelf yesterday, the day before. I'm like you know what, maybe I need to read that again, something that I talk about on my podcast.

Erin Gray: 12:37

A lot of like we want to be empowered, we want to know about our money and invest our money in ways that feel good for us. But a lot of sometimes the financial industry have come from a place of, like protecting your money and you know you have to. Very much like why are trusts set up? Or why is, you know, estate planning from the standpoint of you know what, if something happens to me, I want to make sure my child is taken care of Okay, very different than who's going to get my money. And you know, you know, if I don't do this, then then you know you have to protect your assets. Even just like protecting our assets. It's like, like Tosha Silver says, like it's not your money, right, we didn't come into it with this, we don't leave with it, and like so allowing, like I think it's the attachment or we have felt with money I think causes a lot of unrest in our bodies, you know.

DanielaSM: 13:25

Yes, yes and so okay. So you did all that work with different modalities, and then what happened?

Erin Gray: 13:31

And then how I feel with money is very different now than how I used to feel.

DanielaSM: 13:35

But at the meantime, as a job, you you flip homes with your husband.

Erin Gray: 13:39

At the time, I was doing that on the side and then I was working in my family's business over the last what? Four or five years, deciding not to buy the family business, quitting traveling using our funds. That's another thing. Right, we're so focused on saving money. We don't talk about like actually using our money, so that was like a another shift that I had to like it's okay to use your money. Coming back now and helping other people that, other people that want to have a different relationship with money is where I'm at.

DanielaSM: 14:08

Wait, wait, you're going to find Flipping homes. You have this panic attack. Then you went into the modalities, you learned some few things and then you decided, okay, I'm not going to work on my family's business anymore and I'm not going to flip homes, what I'm going to travel.

Erin Gray: 14:23

So I had started a coaching practice. I was working on building that business this is the condensed version, right? But probably after two years I was just like I really want to take some time off. I had never not worked. I decided I was going to take three months off from work.

Erin Gray: 14:38

Three months came and went. I was like I don't really want to work right now. And then my mind was like, but you should. And you said three months and all of this. And I was like, yeah, and I don't. I allowed myself to be off of work. We decided to travel. So we traveled back and forth we still lived in Texas at the time and then we ended up moving to Maui and living there for maybe 15, 16 months and then we traveled some more. And then my family I have a husband and a daughter and they said I don't really want to travel full time like you do, mom we decided to come back to the States, live in the States for now and live in Idaho for now, starting back my practice up and and building that up.

DanielaSM: 15:27

And then you were saying also before when we met, that how do you convince your husband to travel the first time?

Erin Gray: 15:33

Oof, I wouldn't call it convincing. That's not a very good, that's not a very good thing that happened. I mean, that was, that was a dream of mine since 2015, 2016. And I remember telling him I want to travel and I remember him saying, like you're crazy, what do you mean travel? And I'm like, yeah, like we could sell our houses, we could pack up. He's like the dog and this and that, and you know just all of the attachments right that we had and keeping the faith of like I don't know what it's going to look like. I just know that that's something that I want to do. From 2017 to what? 2021, almost 2022, I would go places and we would go together as a family.

Erin Gray: 16:17

But it didn't start until we were in Costa Rica, I think. For two months we were away. And he said, aaron, I don't know if I want to travel like you do. And I said, okay, well, I want to live somewhere by the ocean, and we had already kind of been talking about it, but we had kind of taken the two month Costa Rica thing as a test, I guess. And he said I don't, I don't really want to travel, I don't want to live out of suitcases like you do, and I said, okay, then where do we go?

Erin Gray: 16:46

And we had already kind of tested the waters with Maui back in May and do we go there and see what that's like? Because if you and our daughter want to stay and I want to be more by the ocean or I want to do more traveling, it just kind of fell into place Like I ended up talking to a lady in Maui and she was like I have this rental house and so we came back from Costa Rica and that happened pretty quickly. That was probably within a month's time of coming back to Costa Rica and we had already kind of been downsizing and pairing like what, what are we going to do? So that happened pretty quickly. So we moved to Maui in March of 22.

DanielaSM: 17:22

It's harder, I guess, when the people that you're around are not in the same with the same ideas as you. So how are you handling that?

Erin Gray: 17:29

You know, I've thought about this and it comes from this place. I think of lack of like well, if he gets what he wants, I can't have what I want. Versus he can stay at home and have a home base and I can travel when I want to and that's okay. Like, how does that look? How does it? How does it? A win-win, because I think for a long time it was very much of. If he does that, then that means I can't do this versus he likes having a home base, and I do too.

Erin Gray: 17:57

I mean, it did get when we were living out of suitcases. It did get tiring figuring out because I'm the planner of like, where were we going to go next month? It's that constant decision making. Having a home base does have its benefits and I do like it and I also like to travel more than they do. And so having that conversation and kind of breaking your identity, I think I always thought that we were going to travel together as a family, but maybe that's not what it looks like. Maybe it actually looks like that I travel more by myself than we go sometimes as a family, but not having it a set, I think my mind wanted to create what it was supposed to look like, versus here we go back to letting go, surrendering and like. What does it look like? Maybe it looks like me traveling more by myself than what they do with me.

DanielaSM: 18:45

Yes, and it's interesting. It's similar to the concept of family you know supposed to be. You know, mother, father and kids. If they're divorced, or if they're separate, or if they're the same gender, then it just doesn't work. That's not a family, but it's something like that Cause, as you're telling me the story, I'll be like yeah, but you know you're supposed to do the same thing as your partner. That's why you got married. It's true, things, things are changing and why people have to sacrifice if you can make it work.

Erin Gray: 19:12

I was telling this to a friend yesterday, cause she's a big travel person too, and I said, you know, we really do compliment each other, like you can look at it from the one frame and be like, oh well, you don't want to travel with me. Or you can look at like, well, if he wanted to travel as much as I did and our daughter wanted to stay at home, well, who's supposed to stay home, take care of our kid, you know? And so having that, like you say, compliment, supplement, obviously I have. You know, routine. It's just travel for me is like he rides his bike, like three to four times a week. He's like, erin, you traveling is like me riding my bike, like if you told me I could never ride my bike. It's the same thing as me saying you know you can't go travel, which we wouldn't do that to each other, but just giving you the, the backstory.

Erin Gray: 19:52

And I think that that is another societal condition of like, okay, if you're married, you're supposed to. It's like if we're asking ourselves what actually lights our soul on fire, and are we doing that? Or are we acting from a place of should, which is the head right, not a heart desire, asking and having those brave conversations of like what does that look like? For sure, I've had lots of thoughts around. Well, that's not what a good mom does, and you know all that social construct stuff. For me, it's important that I am fulfilled and like, how do I get to show up for my daughter when I'm denying things that I love to do, versus when I'm actually doing the things that I love, and how am I able to show up for her in a whole way? You know?

DanielaSM: 20:38

I think I have an analogy You're a CEO of a company, so you're never with your daughter because you're so busy with meetings. So now you, instead of meeting, you change to traveling. When you come back home, instead of being exhausted because all these meetings and the success, supposed success, you actually have your own success and you're relaxed and happy and you accomplish what you wanted.

Erin Gray: 20:59

That's amazing. That's exactly when I was first traveling by myself for a while back in what was it? 21? Because COVID was still kind of happening, so I was mainly doing state stuff. I would bring like a souvenir back for my kid and I would always ask my husband like what is there anything that you want me to bring back for you? He's like no, just yourself. Because when you come back you're completely lit up, alive, like the Aaron that comes back from a vacation or a travel or whatever is very different than when Aaron is here all the time. That doesn't go travel. You know he's like you, you are your like full version of you, which is what I love. Yeah, I think it's. It's exactly what you're saying. It's like I get rejuvenated from that and some people get drained and that's okay, right Like it's. It's not not trying to force what someone doesn't want to do.

DanielaSM: 21:41

And what do you do when you go traveling alone?

Erin Gray: 21:44

It depends on where I go, if I go. If I go alone alone, like when I went to Thailand, I went two weeks in Chiang Mai and then two weeks I met a friend in Kolanta I will just like go, like with locals. That's like an app that you can use. I like to really talk to people and do local things, not so much the tourist places. Sometimes I'll go and I'll meet somebody like another friend or something like that. So, yeah, I mean, it just depends on like what, where do I want to go? What is it that I want to do? It's really, I think, a time for me, like you talk about self-care and some people like to get massages, or you meditate or you read books, and I do all that but sometimes like traveling by myself, going at my own pace, only doing what I want to do, like that that's self-care too.

DanielaSM: 22:33

Yes, that's true, I totally get it. But also because you liked it with yourself, a lot of people don't know how to do that. Yeah, just people's personality. I mean, I'm only child, so I'm used to be on my own and I like little spaces and I like to be. You know, I know how to entertain myself, but I think you have to be also brave to go to different countries that you've never been on your own.

Erin Gray: 22:57

I think there's two parts, I think. If you don't want to be by yourself because you feel like you need someone else, that's very different energy in your body than I enjoy being with somebody and I want someone to experience this with me, right. When you want someone to come and experience something with you but you're not attached and they can come or they cannot come, that's very different than like I have to have somebody come with me because I don't want to travel by myself.

DanielaSM: 23:22

When I have gone on my own or on anything that is fun, I always feel like, oh my God, I wish Dave was here, because I would love him to experience this. I would like to. And so I don't know if that's a problem of my own, like I'm always like I feel guilty because I wish they were here. Sometimes they come and they wouldn't see it the same way anyway. So yeah.

Erin Gray: 23:42

And so sometimes also, too, I think, like how, what do we get to experience for ourself? And so, going back to the courage part, you know some people will say well, aren't you scared of going to another country? And it's just, I think it's an invitation to ask yourself so, what do you think is different in another country that's different than where you are right now? Like, what do we, what are we thinking is going to happen in another country? And could that happen in your own country? And so where do we, here we go back to, like, where do we believe safety lies versus safe within myself?

DanielaSM: 24:18

you know, for me it would be also the fact that you have to make all the decisions. You're on your own, which is easy, but sometimes if you're with somebody else, it doesn't always have to be your ideas. That's the part I think you can. Somebody can say something like oh great idea, let's do it. Yeah, versus, you know, like being on your own. So I don't know, I have a. I think I could like both.

Erin Gray: 24:41

Yeah, I think, I think there's places for both, right, I mean, that is part of the thing that I do love about going by myself, cause I don't have to ask anybody what their opinion is. Right, I want to wake up late, I want to read a book, I want to go surf, I want to go, I don't know. I'm going to Oahu and this coming Sunday my mom was like, hey, we have an extra room, we're not going to be there, you can come and stay if you want to. And I was like sure I'll go, but like not having to, like oh is it, you know, asking my family like, oh, do you want to go do this, do you want to do that? Like, I think, like a little kid, that you don't have to consider anybody else. You know it can be if you allow it to be.

DanielaSM: 25:25

But then how do you do it financially? Like you, it seems to be, you will be spending more than your husband and working less than your husband.

Erin Gray: 25:28

That I think that's also looking at it. I mean, we have investments and things of that sort that I use. He doesn't want to go. I guess if he wanted to go he could go, if he were to say I really want to go. I think that there's a difference of he wants to go Sometimes he doesn't want to go, as often maybe, as I go, or to the places, or it might just be, you know, like a three-day getaway or something like that, that I go by myself and yeah, he's, he's okay with that.

DanielaSM: 25:54

How often do you travel in a year?

Erin Gray: 25:55

So when we lived in Maui, I traveled a lot. When we came back here to Boise, I haven't been somewhere by myself when we lived in Maui. So when we came back from traveling as a family, I almost was a little traveled out, and I think because we traveled so much, and so there was a point in time where I was like it's good to just like you were saying, like the decisions, like it's good to not make any decisions. Um, because I was having to make decisions. You know, I plan all of it, I plan where we go, I plan what we do, I plan where we stay, I book the flights, like I do all of that. And so when we got here in October of last year, it was like almost like, oh, let me just decompress. And then we flew home to Texas. His mom had passed away. We stayed here. I learned how to ski and snowboard and do that kind of stuff, and so this is probably the first time since we've come back from living out of suitcases that have been somewhere.

DanielaSM: 26:50

Oh wow, that's a long time.

Erin Gray: 26:51

It has been a long time and I can feel in my body that it has been a long time. Also too trusting, because I thought I was going to go to Nicaragua in July. I kept asking myself like I will see something in that, you know, from a human design perspective, like as a generator that lights me up. And then I would ask myself do I want to go? And I would get a no and my brain was like but you love to surf and you love to go by yourself, and so not forcing, I think. So often I used to force things versus trusting like okay, I get a no, just trust that you know the right opportunity is going to come, versus making it happen, which I think is what I used to do.

DanielaSM: 27:30

It's a very fine line between those.

Erin Gray: 27:32

What has helped me is really tuning into my body, because I probably, years ago, would have overrode that and been like, yeah, but I, but it's the ocean and it's surfing, and you love to do that and and I would have just ignored that, versus really heating the call and be like, no, no, it's a no for now and trusting that something else is going to come.

DanielaSM: 27:51

So you're not going at all.

Erin Gray: 27:52

Not to Nicaragua for now. That's what I got you know for now.

DanielaSM: 27:58

So what is it that you do? You learn now to be a coach for money.

Erin Gray: 28:02

Yeah, I really thought, you know, like the people that I have attracted, that I have helped, have had, have had money, have felt like they don't feel abundant, have really, you know, working through the body side with money, of like feeling safe in order to have fun with money, and all of this social construct that we have of how are we supposed to use our money, and it's almost feels like for for me and for clients, it has felt like almost a deprivation, like we almost use our money in a way to beat ourselves up instead of a way that supports us.

DanielaSM: 28:32

So then you are helping people with this. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, did you have to take special courses?

Erin Gray: 28:37

for this area. I took coach training back in 2019. This, these have been modalities that I've used to help me and it's really I know I coach on money but it's really like how do you trust yourself again, how do you listen to your intuition, how do you I call it a coming back home to yourself, like where you really tune into what your heart, what your soul wants, versus what are you've been told you should do. And trusting yourself, Because I think we are so conditioned to look for answers outside of ourselves. We ask everybody else versus trusting us, which comes with responsibility, right, Like if we are the ones that are making decisions. If we're not asking anybody else and we're trusting ourselves, then the buck stops with us, right, and I think sometimes we want to abdicate that responsibility. Well, my CPA said this, or my financial advisor said this or whatever, versus that's what they said, but what? What feels good for you and trusting yourself, honoring your intuition.

DanielaSM: 29:31

Yes, you're right. You're right. When I was, I was reading a book and he says that the answers are all inside you and I'm like, yeah, I actually believe that too. Like I believe that that's all the answers inside me. But, you know, sometimes you just like to talk to somebody. But, yeah, I think it's a very good, good point that you make that we always going outside instead of being more introspective.

Erin Gray: 29:50

That's what we're taught right, like go ask for advice, go pull your friends or you know your advisors, or pros and cons and all of this stuff versus like, what does your like? Anytime? I have ever followed my intuition, which is getting more and more and more these days, but, like you know, several years ago it always works out better than my mind could have ever imagined it. But we're taught to make decisions with our minds and that's actually not how we make decisions trusting ourselves, leaning into our intuition. And I'm not saying go from. You're working at a nine to five and your intuition says, okay, stop working and go start a business.

Erin Gray: 30:27

Yes, but there's also that like, if you think about our nervous systems and it being like a rubber band, if we haven't stretched that rubber band enough, it's going to pop back Right. And so start testing your intuition with simple things like do I want to eat this over this, or do I want to wear this shirt over this color, or you know simple things that are I call low stakes, so that you can build up your evidence list of yeah, when I trust my intuition, this is how it goes and this is how it feels in my body and I think our bodies are really great messengers, but I think we've turned them off. Reason why I might feel contracted in our bodies is because it actually isn't maybe what we want or what feels good to us, and so listening and tuning into our bodies is a big one.

DanielaSM: 31:08

And if you're talking to somebody who is very scientific based, do you say to them when they will say oh, but what about intuition? That just makes no sense.

Erin Gray: 31:16

Well, I think you know, first and foremost, you have to be willing, right, Like I'm not here to convince anybody. I think I used to be on that boat. But if you want to go and use your mind and you think intuition is crazy, then go do that. Right, I'm not here. I'm not here for those people because you really have to be willing. There has to be that switch of like okay, I've used my mind, there's, there's one thing to be like. Okay, I've used my mind and it feels like it's worked out well for me. But I'm willing to trust and lean into this intuition because you feel like there there's something more.

DanielaSM: 31:46

Yeah, you're right, you're right, Interesting. And now you're you're coaching and you also decided to have a podcast. So let's talk about your podcast a little bit.

Erin Gray: 31:54

Yeah, I just wanted a podcast but I wanted to really open up for people.

Erin Gray: 31:59

Number one, that they people are on that share their financial stories so that they can see themselves in somebody else. Also, two of like opening up and sharing what I call like the 3D and the 5D of money right, so I might have you know a state attorney on and we're talking about and diving into certain things, and then you also have you know the energetics and the spirituality of money and how do we feel in our bodies and like marrying and connecting those two, because at least coming from the financial industry, I didn't marry those two for a long time. I knew all of the financial part of money but I didn't understand the emotional and the energetics in my body with money, really empowering people to trust themselves again and to come back home to themselves and to trust what their body is telling them, breaking down complex topics with finance. Also the emotional side that we feel with money, which I think a lot of people are more willing to talk about now, but I still think it's a taboo subject.

DanielaSM: 32:57

It is actually and I was reading also one part that you know the CEOs. They go play golf and then they're telling, oh, I did this amount of investments and they talk about money all the time, yet they don't allow their staff to share their salary with others. I thought, oh my God, that's terrible that you know the people that are wealthy, they talk about money all the time, and then here we are like middle class and down and people are not supposed to. It's like, oh no, you don't want to ask that question.

Erin Gray: 33:25

There's a couple of parts. It's like one a heart-based business Like I've been in the ego-based business world and that doesn't feel good in the body and what I mean by that is using your money or your business as a way to kind of pump up your chest and like, show what you have right, versus a heart-based business of impact for the world, and the byproduct is you make money. I think that there's a lot of old school business, ego business, like okay, more profit, more profit, more profit, but how do you actually take care of your people? How do you actually treat your employees? How do you actually give back? Is it just you're trying to to have more profit, to have more profit, so that that feels good for the ego? Are you actually circulating that money and giving more and sharing more and paying your employees and treating your employees Well? Like there's a difference ego-based business versus heart-based business.

Erin Gray: 34:18

And I also think that from what you were talking about like middle-class, it's like we don't have safe spaces where we can talk about money. We don't have safe spaces where we can say, hey, I don't really know what this is, can you share more about it? It's like what do you mean? You don't know what it is, or so much shame and guilt of how we use our money? Or I've had clients that have school debt because a lot of times they are doctors or high paying and it's like but how come debt? Like that is, sometimes they have shame around the debt, but they don't have shame around having a mortgage debt. Why do we have different views around what kind of debt we have, versus viewing debt of this opportunity for you to learn, to go to school, to learn your craft, things of that sort and you're working on paying it off? Versus so much shame that we have around like where was the energy that we went into debt with and what are we doing to pay it off? And I don't think that's talked about either.

DanielaSM: 35:09

I know he has to start in school as well, having these conversations and learning about finances.

Erin Gray: 35:14

Yeah, this past year we homeschooled our daughter and we did do some math stuff right, but a lot of it is like me teaching her like how does money work and how do you feel with money?

Erin Gray: 35:25

And it's interesting, if you don't infuse your beliefs, how your children actually are with money right, like she's just like I'll just go make some money. Like she has very few limiting beliefs with money. And it's just interesting to see because I've been mindful and aware of what I say around her, instead of saying we can't afford it which is what my parents always told me, saying things like I choose not to spend our money on that because that's not what dad and I value Very different and empowering, versus like I can't afford it. And I think a lot of times our parents said I can't afford it because they just didn't even want to have the conversation with us and maybe they did have money right. And so we start to use money as a way we can't do something, versus no, I just I don't value paying that for that thing. If you do, you can use your money or you can figure out how you want to generate some money to go buy that.

DanielaSM: 36:14

Yeah, that's true. You judge people for, oh well, you're spending money on that. The truth is, as long as you spend it on things that are valuable to you is the important thing. Well, all my life I've always been very frugal. You said something in the beginning that I always felt like okay, later, I will have it later, but I wish, I wish I could do it now, I wish I could go to restaurants, but the truth is that also we were, we like to eat healthy and and we like to save, so I guess I I wanted to do that more, because I I see other people doing it, you know, and so it wasn't really our values and and so I'm glad that the because I wanted to save more, and you know, we never did it, because, at the end, look where we are. We're seven days away from starting an adventure.

Erin Gray: 37:00

Yeah, they say like 90 to 97% of our thoughts aren't even ours. Right, like if you think about social media, which that's a whole nother topic but it's like how much of it is infusing something into you versus you actually wanting to like. You said, right, like we have a an allotment for what we call coffee shops Right, and it's like I don't really. There's not a lot of places that I want to go, but that's my like. You're saying with your values, right. It's like what do we value? We've gotten to a place where we're like my husband drinks a lot of coffee. I'm more of a tea drinker, but he's like, yeah, I've been to this place, I've been to this place, I've been to this place. He's like I would rather actually have my cold brew at home, and so that's very different energy than like, oh, I have to go because other people like I'm seeing someone else do it. So I think that's what I like versus have you asked yourself do you actually like that? And I think you're correct.

Erin Gray: 37:49

You know the younger generation. It's like you see people wearing certain clothes or you see people doing certain things. It's like have you asked yourself if that's actually what you like? Do you actually want to do that or are you just trying to? Here we go back to like keep up with the Joneses, fit in. You know, like that is a human thing, we do want to fit in tribally. And also, how can you connect in another way that aligns with your values and your spending habits?

DanielaSM: 38:15

Yeah, exactly Exactly, and so your podcast is just you or you have guests, guests and me.

Erin Gray: 38:22

Sometimes it'll be me and then sometimes it's guests.

DanielaSM: 38:25

And who do you bring?

Erin Gray: 38:26

Yeah, it just really depends. Like I interviewed a CPA today, I've had an estate attorney on to kind of break down things, People that want to share their financial stories. We talk about human design on there, self-development, spirituality. I was just talking to a CPA today and we were talking about the fundamentals and we were talking about putting pressure on the business to make you a certain amount of money and all of that. And so I will talk more so of that emotional. Where does that pressure come from? Like he might say he has clients that expect their business to do X, Y, Z and putting pressure. And then I dive into like and the reason why that typically comes from that place is like what, what are we expecting our business to do for us? What feelings are we trying to get from our business versus providing that for ourselves? So they talk, I call it more of the 3D and then I bring that emotional, energetic part to it and do you get any pushback?

DanielaSM: 39:17

So you see the expressions and how they handle that.

Erin Gray: 39:21

I do think the younger when I say younger generation, I would say 4045 ish and younger of the financial, the people that I've had like I've had a CFP on there and we've talked about financial planning and then you know the emotional side of it I think that the the newer generation of financial industry let's just group it all together is changing. I think that they see that it's not like our grandpa era of investing. And just put your head down. One of the CFPs that I had on he said I actually asked my clients same conversation we just had. He's like do you actually want that car or are you just wanting that car because somebody else wants that car? He was talking about he drives a minivan. He's like I don't care about cars, that's not what I value. But if a client wants a car, okay, how do we figure out how to get that or create that, create that, but it's it's figuring out like what are the values? What do?

DanielaSM: 40:20

you want versus this is a set, prescribed way that you need to save or invest your money. Yes, and it's true, it's just the values and also what is really important. You know values but also are you. Is those values yours or or they belong to somebody else? Yes, and so I think it's important to the people know their values and also they they see how it works like, even if they sound typical, negative or not so sexy, because you know people will criticize them, that actually has benefits, like somebody who really like to listen to you know, like he's very rule oriented or very safe oriented. Right. Those people, it's good for some things, so focus on that.

Erin Gray: 40:55

Yeah, I think you know, in a way like affirmations. I don't use affirmations like I am abundant, I'm abundant, cause if you don't feel that way, it doesn't like in the body, if you don't right. But using affirmations in the way of like how is? Like? I've been called intense, but how has intense served me? Right, like I've been called intense, but how has intense served me? Right? Like intense for me is, is a. I've made it, if you want to.

Erin Gray: 41:19

You know the brain wants to look at it as a negative thing, right. But like how? How is it actually benefiting you? Right, I'm intense, and people know exactly how I feel. Like there is no, you know which way Aaron thinks, right, either you, you like it or you don't like it, and both are okay, right? Or how is? Like my husband? He thrives on routine. How is that actually beneficial for him? And so, taking those things that we've maybe been told like when I was younger, I was told I was harsh what that really, what my mom really meant by that is, you say exactly what you mean and that makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like that. So, using those terms that we have, that we have made negative connotations with them, and how is it actually benefiting us highlighting it versus thinking it's it's a bad or a negative trait?

DanielaSM: 42:00

Yes, that's true, Exactly and that. So I'm hoping that you're doing that with your daughter.

Erin Gray: 42:05

I have this conversation with my kid a lot. But what is the energy that you're coming from? If you're coming from I'm intense and I call it like F you energy. That isn't. That isn't loving energy. Like if someone asks me an opinion, I will tell you exactly that is coming from. Loving energy, versus like we talk about with my daughter. It's like when you're angry, what comes out of your mouth like anger is safe to have. Anger is a normal emotion. It's totally okay. But when you're angry and then you choose words that are filled with anger, that's very different energy than you feel your anger. You process it and then you come back and you say, hey, I'm really upset because X, y, z very different than either name calling or, you know, yelling at someone or something of that sort. You got to check your energy of like, what are you feeling in your body? Are you feeling upset? Are you feeling anger? Are you feeling frustration and then you're making comments or taking action from that place, or is it coming from a loving base energy?

DanielaSM: 43:01

Good message, thank you. So, erin, is there anything else?

Erin Gray: 43:05

Oh, I'm just like I'm so excited for your trips, just have so much fun and yeah, I mean I think for everybody it's. It's really going back to values of like, what kind of life do you want to create for yourself? And sometimes that looks very different than what you thought it was five, 10 years ago, and it's okay to make new decisions and to change. It is a simple thing. It is not an easy thing.

DanielaSM: 43:27

Yeah, you're right, it's simple, but it's not easy.

Erin Gray: 43:30

It's not easy.

DanielaSM: 43:31

That's great. I would like everybody to follow you on Instagram. That's where you have your social media. I'm there on.

Erin Gray: 43:38

Instagram sometimes, but really just my website and my podcast.

DanielaSM: 43:41

Okay, thank you so much for being here and thank you for sharing your story and enthusiasm and the way you think I love it. I'm happy that I have a new friend, I know.

Erin Gray: 43:51

I'm excited too. I'm happy that I have a new friend.

DanielaSM: 43:53

I know I'm excited too. Thanks, daniel, I appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I am Daniela and you are listening to, because Everyone has a Story. Please take five seconds right now and think of somebody in your life that may enjoy what you just heard, or someone that has a story to be shared and preserved. When you think of that person, shoot them a text with the link of this podcast. This will allow the ordinary magic to go further. Join me next time for another story conversation. Thank you for listening. Hasta pronto you Thank you.