From a Shelter to a Chef’s Coat With Faith and Grit - Neena Perez : 181

How can life’s hardest challenges become the starting point for a journey toward purpose?

In this conversation, Neena Perez shares how she turned trauma, homelessness, and judgment into a life grounded in self-belief and helping others rebuild. We follow the turning points that reshaped her identity, from escaping violence to becoming a chef, author, and mentor supporting people as they step back into work and confidence.

Neena Perez is a bold, faith-fueled storyteller, chef, and speaker who helps people reconnect with their God-given purpose through food, faith, and authentic conversation.

Her story then opens into the work of rebuilding. Returning to culinary school as an adult, earning top grades, and later guiding underprivileged adults through job-ready cooking skills, resumes, and interview preparation, Nina shows how structure, faith, and community support can change lives, one step at a time.

We also explore the quieter chapter many people recognize but rarely name: burnout and midlife emptiness. Nina explains why she stepped back from coaching, how journaling and her “CEO meetings with God” helped her release control, and how that pause sparked a new creative direction with The Purpose Filled Kitchen.

https://www.youtube.com/@chefneenaperez

https://sleek.bio/chefneenaperez

Transcript

DanielaSm 0:00

Hi, I'm Daniela. How can life the hardest challenges become the starting point for a journey towards purpose?

Neena Perez 0:08

We rush past this season, this emptiness season. So I started broken, but I was able to help others get two jobs, take care of my son, live in a shelter, but I raise my boys. And life goes on. You know, life has been an amazing roller coaster. I've we've gone homeless. I realized the first thing was surrender. I surrendered everything.

DanielaSm 0:27

My guest today is Neena Perez, chef, author, mentor, and founder of the Purpose-Filled Kitchen, whose journey from homelessness to meaningful service, shows how faith, resilience, and community support can reshape a life. Let's enjoy her story.

Why Neena Shares Her Story

DanielaSm 0:45

Welcome Neena to the podcast, the show. I'm so happy that you're here. Finally.

Neena Perez 0:50

Finally. Thank you for having me. I'm really grateful.

DanielaSm 0:53

Yes, I am super excited. You have this beautiful energy, and I am very happy that you want to share your story. So why do you want to share your story?

Neena Perez 1:02

Because I feel like my story isn't mine anymore. My story is to help someone else. I feel like all our lives are never just for ourselves. I don't think we're supposed to just live, work, die. I think we're supposed to impact lives while we're on this earth. When did you discover that? You know, I didn't discover that until I was an adult, right? Because as a child and growing up, I had a lot of really hard times. As I I got older, I started to have become more self-aware and started to become more strategic about what I was going to be a victim to and what I wasn't going to be a victim to. As I got older and I started getting into, I'm a Christian, so I got into, you know, my faith, and then I got into neurolinguistic programming and life coaching and all the things. It just made me realize that, yeah, you know what? It's time for me to heal, but it's also time for me to share that so other people can heal.

DanielaSm 1:50

So when exactly this story starts?

Neena Perez 1:52

Oh. I would say about in my 30s. I'm now 52, so maybe about 20 years ago.

DanielaSm 1:58

Okay, and so what happened?

Neena Perez 1:59

I started going back to school to become a chef, and I started to realize that I was actually smarter than people used to say that I was, right? Because when I was younger, I had a child at 15 years old. So it was about you're stupid, you're never gonna get anything, you're never gonna amount to anything, you know, those kind of things. And I went back to college as an adult at like 35 years old. And I graduated with a 4.25 GPA, and I was the valedictorian of the school, and I went all the way up through to get my bachelor's degree, and graduated with 4.0, and all of those things, and then I'm like, man, I mean I'm not so stupid after all, huh? And I started to really start to have that self-discovery that it's time to let go of all the unforgiveness, the anger, the frustration, the victimhood, all of those things, so that I can start changing my life. Because I had a I was struggling a lot with depression and anxiety. So when I started to release all of those things, that's when I started to live a real life.

DanielaSm 3:00

So a part of that you had a kid when you were very young, people always used to criticize you and not telling you positive things?

Neena Perez 3:07

I don't remember any positive things to be honest. I think the the biggest critics were my family. Yes. So I think the only positive thing in my whole youth life was my best friend because she struggled with things too. She didn't have a kid, but she struggled with a lot of like things as well. And we're still friends to this day, 37 years later. But she's probably the only one that said, You can do this, you can do anything. You know, she's the one that saved my life a lot of times. But when it came to family, I can't tell you any positive that I heard. And when it came to friends, she's the only one I had.

Escaping Violence And Shelter Survival

DanielaSm 3:41

And so you would raise a kid on your own living with your family though?

Neena Perez 3:45

Uh I lived with my family until my son was about three years old, and then my son's father tried to murder me, and so I had to run. So I took my son and we lived in a shelter for like a year and change until I was able to, you know, earn enough money from my jobs and be safe enough to go get my own little room in my one of my aunt's house was renting me a uh renting space, and I rented a room from her.

DanielaSm 4:10

Wow. That must have been really tough.

Neena Perez 4:12

It was super tough. You know, you're 18 years old, you got a three-year-old kid, you're still trying to h I'm still still trying to finish high school. So I was still in high school and no car, no nothing, right? So everything was local. I had to work two jobs, take care of my son, live in a shelter. It was super tough, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It made me a really tough cookie. I'm grateful.

DanielaSm 4:32

If you had to go to school, what how where do you do with a kid?

Neena Perez 4:35

The shelter helped me get childcare. So we enrolled him in a school that was not too far from the shelter. They had him during the day, so I would drop him off, take the bus to school, go to school, go to my first job, take the bus, go pick him up, drop him off at a friend or the shelter, and then go back to the second job.

DanielaSm 4:53

You raise your kid, then you keep the friendship with your friend, but then no contact with your family for safety.

Neena Perez 4:59

Well, I I tried to have contact with my family, but my mother told my son's father where I was in the shelter. I couldn't trust her, couldn't trust anybody. When he I mean he put a gun to my head and he pulled the trigger. And the only reason I'm here today is because the the safety got jammed on the trigger and he couldn't unjam it. That's the only reason why I'm here. That and I believe God intervened, of course. You know, I told my mother that and she said, Oh well, that's what you get. I was like, wow. So that was a really shocking and hurtful time in my life. So I felt very, very, very alone. Uh I was grateful though that I had a friend who was there for me. Like who else would you know, you want that for your family. But my family's not like that. They don't really support each other the way they should.

DanielaSm 5:44

And definitely you were smart, knowing that, well, I there's a shelter, where can I go? You know, like you were very resourceful.

Neena Perez 5:51

I had no choice. When I left, I left with a garbage bag full of clothes, grabbed my son, and left. I I waited for him to go to work, and then I acted like I was going to school, and I just grabbed my kid and I left. And we went to the first shelter and they denied me. They said, Well, do you have any records? I'm like, Of course he has a record. I have he's been trying to kill me for a long time, but I just can't be there anymore. And they said, Well, there's a bad at women's shelter, and so they are the ones that told me where to go. It was a really scary experience. You're very alone there. You know, you have other women there who are going through the same type of damage, right? Um, but I I was really grateful because before I was there a year, but before I left after the year, I was then counseling other women. So I started broken, but I was able to help others that were coming in after me, which was amazing.

DanielaSm 6:43

I feel like I've seen a movie with that story.

Neena Perez 6:47

Maybe. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure I'm not the only one.

DanielaSm 6:50

That's wonderful. And how did the process start it for helping people?

Neena Perez 6:55

Well, I started to heal, right? And so as I started to heal, counselors there were like, wow, you know, you should do peer-to-peer work because you're moving along, you're going to school, you're getting your grades, you're doing your things with your kid, and a lot of women here don't feel like they can move forward. So can you help them with that? So I mean, yeah, I was honored to do that. So we would do a lot of peer-to-peer groups, and I would lead it, and I would help women if they needed help. I was still broken too, don't get me wrong. I still had a lot of issues, but it helped me to see outside of myself and to help others and that and I was blessed too because the shelter was in the town where I was already going to school and and my son was going to school. So I was very fortunate in that. Where some of the women there who were traveling from way across the country just to survive, you know. Um, so yeah, but it was it was a it was one of those moments where I figured, hmm, I think I'm built for more than just surviving, you know, because up to this point I was just I was just surviving. You know, I was just trying to live the next day.

DanielaSm 8:04

And you kind of got a little bit better because you had the support with the counselors. I mean, people seemed in the shelter to support you and see yeah all the potential that you had.

Neena Perez 8:14

For sure. I think we all need each somebody. I don't remember their names unfortunately, but that was a a really great moment, right? To figure out that somebody else gives a F about what happens to you. They were hard on me though, don't get me wrong. I had a curfew, I had time to be there, I had a time to get up in the morning, I had a time to take my son, but I needed that structure because I never had it. Um, you know, and I never had it in my family. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I was molested as a child by my stepfather, like he was an abusive man. And so I didn't have structure. It wasn't like a time to wake up and to feel better about yourself and do your homework. I did all of the things on my own. It was there was no structure. Yes.

DanielaSm 8:56

I remember hearing that it is very important to have structure. I remember once hearing it was an interview on the radio, and a girl who she was in foster care, and they asked her something, and she said, I wish my parents, when I had them, that they will have put rules on me. And I thought that was really interesting. Because you know, you hear always the kids, oh my god, my parents have so many rules, but but it's true that you know that I mean, obviously everything with moderation when it's needed, and depends on the kid too, right?

Neena Perez 9:23

100%.

Choosing Safety Over A Military Career

Neena Perez 9:24

And even when I when my son was let's see, I was I was finishing high school and I I wanted to go into the military. I figured I'm gonna go into the army, I'm gonna be an army police officer so I can protect people. That's what I wanted to do. But when I went on to I did all of the process, I did everything, I passed everything, but on the day of the swearing in, the officer asked me if my child was going to be left in the custody of someone else. And I'm like, no. I said, My mother can watch him, she can stay with him, but I'm not gonna give her custody. I mean, I look what she how she raised me, no way. And he said, Well, if something happens to you and you die, you know, in battle or whatever have you, somebody has to have custody. So you need to sign over your son to his father or the mother or whatever. I'm like, no. So I walked away from the whole thing. I'd rather keep struggling and st and helping my son and living my life than to give my son to have anyone else raise him. Absolutely not.

DanielaSm 10:24

Yeah, no, no, I I agree. I agree. You think it would do the same?

Neena Perez 10:28

Yeah. Yeah. I just I couldn't picture myself leaving my baby with uh you know, my mother might now is amazing. Me and my mother get along amazing now. I mean, we've healed, but at that time she was just not a good mother. And so I didn't want to have my child around that. And I definitely was not gonna give him to his father. And we do anything for our kids. I mean, some people might say, Yeah, but going would have made it your life better. Maybe, maybe not, but I don't know what damage would have been done to my son had I not been there. So I just couldn't risk it. After that disappointment, what happened? I just kept trucking along, right? I mean, I I ended up finding another boyfriend who was my my second son's father. We were married for like eight or nine years. Yeah, he got up one day and said he had to find himself, left me for another woman and the kids and stuff. And yeah, I I was working as medical assistant, took care of my kids. Um now I'm in my late twenties at this point. Uh yeah, st still struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and all the things, but I raised my boys. Life goes on. Uh, I found my now husband, we've been together 27 or 28 years. You know, life has been an amazing roller

Losing Everything During The 2009 Crash

Neena Perez 11:40

coaster. I've we've gone homeless like in 2009, we lost everything. We lost our house, we lost our cars, we lost everything. I was in culinary school at the time. You know, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all of those experiences because without losing everything, you don't realize what's what's important, you know? And I've I've learned a lot of great, beautiful lessons of forgiveness and letting go of shame and what it means to struggle and all of that. Um, and now I have the privilege in my life right now, currently, of teaching culinary to underprivileged adults. And so these people are maybe homeless or in between housing, uh, maybe they don't have work or they're struggling financially. And I teach them how to be chefs. So I teach them culinary, we teach them how to write resumes, how to interview, how to do all of those things, and then we find them jobs in the culinary field, and they get back on their feet, they get their jobs, they get their homes, they get their life back together. It's amazing. Amazing. That sounds beautiful.

DanielaSm 12:45

And is this a nonprofit organization?

Neena Perez 12:47

It is.

DanielaSm 12:48

Did you found it?

Neena Perez 12:49

No, no, no. I just work there. Yeah. I wish I found it. It's a great idea.

DanielaSm 12:54

What is the name?

Neena Perez 12:55

It's called Good Work Austin.

DanielaSm 12:56

And is just only in that area where you are, or is everywhere in the United States?

Neena Perez 13:01

No, it's it's a very small organization. They've only they're a baby, they've only been around like five years, I think. But the work is rewarding. I mean so rewarding. And when people say to me, you know what, Nina, I I came for cooking, but I left really inspired and feeling that I can do anything in life, that's where I take all of my coaching, all of my culinary, all of the all of the experiences that you have in your life. Because they're home, they've they're homeless now, but I know they can get through it because I did. Some of them live in shelters now, but I know you can overcome that because I did. And so that's what I mean about our stories. Our stories are not for us. Our stories are for others, right? And so if I can affect one person at a time, I'm gold. I love it.

DanielaSm 13:42

And and when you were 35 that you went to culinary, how do you choose that career?

A Prayer That Changed Culinary School

Neena Perez 13:47

Uh-huh. It's a very interesting story. I believe in God, right? So I was praying one day and I said, Okay, God, I keep feeling like you want me to go back to culinary because I was always wanting to be a chef since I was like four years old.

DanielaSm 14:00

Oh, really? Wow.

Neena Perez 14:01

Yeah. And I never did it because I couldn't go to school because of my kids, you know. So I remember praying and I felt like I I was supposed to go, I was supposed to go, I was supposed to go. So I finally prayed and I said, Okay, God, listen, why don't you just come down here? This is what I said, come down here, God, in person, and you tell me I am released to quit my job and go to school, and I will do it. You have to do it though. You have to come down here and tell me I'm released. Well, about 45 minutes later, my husband comes home from work and he's like, Hey babe, uh, I was in the car praying and you know, singing and all this stuff, and I don't know what this means. I said, Okay. He goes, but I felt like God told me, go in the room, tell your wife you're released. What? He's like, Yeah. He's like, what does that mean? And I'm like, what? He's like, you're released? And I'm like, I mean Wow, that's amazing. I don't know what to tell you, Daniela. I almost, I almost fell out of the bed. Like, I almost fell out of the bed. And I said to him, Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how we're always like, is God real? Is God now real? This is a God real moment. And my husband goes, What do you mean? And I told him, he's like, Are you serious? I'm like, Yeah. He goes, Oh, I guess you gotta, I guess you gotta quit your job. I said, I guess I gotta quit my job. So I gave two two weeks' notice. My job was furious because I did a lot of work there. So they were like, You can't leave, you can't leave. And I'm like, I'm sorry, but he I'm released. I didn't it was just a weird thing. But let me tell you the the second part of that is I didn't even know where to go to culinary school. I knew that there was a college in town. I I believe that they do culinary there, so I figured that's the school. So I'm driving to the school to register for school. And I said, All right, God, I left my job. You know, I'm like, you told me you told me I'm released. I said, I know that's you. So here's the deal. I don't have a father, so you're my father. And I hear that fathers pay for their kids' schools, you know? I said, so you're gonna have to pay for my education because now I quit my job, so I don't have the money for the education. I'm trusting you here, right? So I went to the school, I applied for the the the job, and I ended up getting the scholarship to cover my school, right? Then I applied for other scholarships to make sure that I can keep going to school. God paid not only for my certificate for my certification of culinary, he paid for my associate's degree. And at my associate's degree, uh, we ended up going homeless, by the way, at this time when I was in school. I was furious.

DanielaSm 16:35

Oh, because that's the 2009?

Neena Perez 16:37

Yeah, that was in 2009 and 10 we were homeless. So yeah, I was in school at the time. I was so angry with God and I said, How could you do this? You know, you you know, I you told me to leave, you told me to quit, you told me to go to school, you're paying for school, but now I have no money. And I'll never forget that almost audibly, Danielle, I heard him say, I told you to be obedient. I didn't tell you it would be easy. Okay, okay, okay, I got you. So I said, all right, God, if that's really you and I believe that it is, I'm going to make sure that I do everything I can to get the highest GPA. I'm gonna bust my tail and I'm gonna do everything I have to do. And this is while I'm homeless, right? So sleeping in the car, sleeping in my friends' living rooms, like it was crazy. Me and my husband were trying to make it happen. I went to school every day, but let me tell you something, I didn't miss a meal because I was in culinary school. I had food every day. I was sitting there and at the end of the school year, they found out the school found out about my story and what I had gone through. They made me the valedictorian of the school. And I graduated with a high, high GP of 4.25, I believe it was. And then I said to my husband, I feel like in my heart, like God is telling me to continue my education in my bachelor's degree. And he's like, Well, he's gonna have to pay for it because we don't have it. I said, Okay, I said, So God, please pay for my higher education. I really want to go back to school. And sure enough, I get a full scholarship for my bachelor's degree. I never, in all of the years I was in school, which was I think a total of like six years or so, getting all of my certifications as associates and you know, bachelors and the whole thing, I ended up paying zero for school. Zero. I never paid for uniforms, knives, travel expenses, nothing. I paid for nothing. I couldn't believe it. Nobody could believe it.

DanielaSm 18:27

No, that's amazing.

Neena Perez 18:28

But it's an amazing story and an amazing testament of what that meant for me and my faith and you know, all of that. And it's it's been an amazing journey, honestly. He's always answered a prayer of mine. Always. That's where I am today. Like I'm using all of those skills now to do to impact somebody else.

DanielaSm 18:46

You were homeless. Is it because your husband also lost his job?

Neena Perez 18:48

Yeah, because in 2008 we had a big crash here in the US, and my husband was doing really well in construction, but because of the crash, everybody canceled their contracts.

DanielaSm 18:59

Oh, yeah, okay.

Neena Perez 19:00

And so we lost everything. It was bad. It was really, really it was a horrible time in our lives. Um, but it also, like I said, humbled us. It also taught us about having uh arrogance and pride. It also taught us about being humble and helping others. It also showed us how other people are really struggling in the world.

DanielaSm 19:23

Were you not humble enough already? I think that you were.

Neena Perez 19:38

You know? Yeah. At the end of the day, we were happy when we got our first little tiny apartment after having a big house, you know, from living in people's living rooms and and sleeping in the car and all the things. I got this little tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny apartment with a little tiny, tiny kitchen. But I started my business from that kitchen, I started everything from that house, and so it was it was an amazing experience. And now I live in a beautiful home, but it's it's it's a home and it's great, but I don't put all of my like value in things anymore. Yeah.

DanielaSm 20:12

And because home is where you are, really, you know. Exactly right. And it's true. You sometimes you have to lose things to get the perspective, not to suffer. You realize, like for example, for me was I I I lost two times or three times a job. Well, the first time hurts, the second one, of course. The third one was more like, Oh, I am not the job. And then I start to say, I'm not I'm not the wife, I'm not the daughter, I'm not the mother. You know, I could lose all that. Who am I, really? You know, and for me it was a good lesson. And then when I hear the people who lose their jobs, I will always show that I understand them and also make them feel that they are not their jobs because you you lose stuff, you you feel like you're so related to those. You think that you are all those things, and when you don't have them, that you have no value, and that's that's so wrong because it's not true. Yeah, we we are who we are inside, you know, our soul is the most important thing.

Neena Perez 21:00

It's so true. I got into coaching in 2018 after I wrote my book, and I went all in, right? All in for coaching. You're right. Once I started to feel disconnected from that, I started to almost lose myself a little bit. Like, wait a minute, what am I? Who am I? What do I do? And then I realized I'm just me, you know, with a bunch of little skills and expertise and whatever in my life that I can help somebody else with. And it doesn't have to be that I have a billion followers, and it doesn't have to be that I have a billion listeners, it doesn't have to do with any of that, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, when I get an email of somebody who's listened to a podcast or has been in one of my class who tells me how much they think of me because I've changed our life, yeah, I I I'm good. You know, I'm good with that.

DanielaSm 21:45

Yeah, we are such a small speck. You know, if you see like an aunt or something little small and you wonder what is their role, well, they put things together, and so we are here helping somebody else. I think it's it's all about society. This you know, we I was reading a book about the happiness curve. And it's it's about society how they put things in boxes, and so then when you're outside the box, you feel like you're lost, that you don't match, that this is weird, that you're supposed to be like everybody else, you know, but that there's only so many people can be famous, and it's not necessarily that good thing either. So Right.

Neena Perez 22:17

Isn't that true? Especially now when you look at like where are they now type of thing, right? You're just like, wow, okay, no, don't want that. I'm good. No, exactly, exactly.

Learning To Hear God Differently

DanielaSm 22:27

But it's important to have the meaning, and you do have achieved that, which is something that I'm still searching for. And then also a question that I have is uh with your fate, you know, it seems like um well, God has answered you, but what about if I tell you, well, I have asked questions and I don't hear the answers? How how would you answer that? Because, you know, how come God is closer to you than me?

Neena Perez 22:51

No, no, I don't think that's it at all, right? I think it's just a a matter of being quiet enough to listen. You know, I think we we try to find the answer in the way we want the answer to be given. And sometimes the answer is given in a different way, but we don't recognize it, right? I mean, I didn't think that going to school and losing everything was part of the plan, you know? I was angry about that. But the truth is, is I was asking for like all of these great things and he did give those to me in a different way, right? So I was asking for, you know, I wanted to be um to have the the the skills and knowledge to become a chef and to be really well at what I did and to help as many people as I can. And that was the that was the prayer all the time. And he said, okay. So I'll make sure that you lose everything so you know what that feels like, so you can relate to others so that you can actually help as many people as you want, like you say you do. So I think sometimes it's just a matter of being quiet enough to listen and stop putting your own expectations in what the answer is.

DanielaSm 23:52

But when you ask God, you know, come down here and tell me that I have to quit my job. That wasn't very specific. That was very specific.

Neena Perez 24:00

And it was shooting in the dark. I don't know why I prayed that. I don't know why I prayed that. I just was, I think I was being rebellious, you know, I think I was being arrogant, you know, like you come down here and tell me God, you know? And God said, Okay, I'll show you. Um, but that you know, it's that's just because I I know for me anyway, in my faith walk is I I don't feel like being fake in my faith, and I don't feel like being fake in my prayer. So I'll just pray what's on my heart and mind. I don't always get what I want, of course not. Thank God, thank God, right? But I do feel like there is a covering and a protection and a watching over me, and also I pause to acknowledge things and I'm very grateful for the things in my life. So even when things are super hard, which I just went through something really, really hard in my family, right? And when I went through that was very, very down, very depressed, crying a lot, and I was still so grateful for the experience. So grateful, right? And because I was so grateful, I'm seeing things shift now. As opposed to focusing on the the bad and the heaviness of it all, right? I was able to say, okay, you know what? Thank you so much for this person in my life. Thank you for them being in my family, thank you that I get to enjoy them, thank you that this is hard, but that I know that this is temporary. And that's how I live my life. I really live my life, I try to, not always, but I try to live my life in a lot of gratitude. And I think when you can shift your focus that way, you start to see more of what it is you're praying for.

DanielaSm 25:40

Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you. Okay.

Writing A Memoir For Healing

DanielaSm 25:43

And about your book, let's talk about it. What when did you decide to write a book and how?

Neena Perez 25:48

I decided to write the book in 2018. I've been wanting to write the book for many, many years. But I got to a point in my life where depression and anxiety and anger was taking over. And so through all the work that I've been doing, I said, you know what? I think it's time for me to really just put it on paper. So I started writing. And I told my husband, I said, I need, I need about eight to ten months. I need you to just be super patient and to understand that every day, even though I'm working long days, I'm gonna come home after work, I'm gonna spend about three to four hours downstairs in the office just writing. So I just need you to be patient. And he was very supportive. He's like, Okay. I said there's gonna be a lot of going out to eat, there's gonna be a lot of calling in, there's gonna be a lot of frozen foods. But he was very, very respectful. I'll tell you that book, even though it's you know not written like a, you know, um a scholar would write it, it was written from the heart. And I really healed because I had to go through every piece of my journey, from the molestation to almost being murdered, to being homeless, to being, you know, my my son's father who tried to to kill me, also raped me and beat me. Like there's so many stories. And as I was going through these stories, I was reliving them again and again. And it was a lot of tears and a lot of crying, but there was a lot of healing, so much healing. And so the book is called Hit Me With Your Best Shot, because I was always being hit, you know, but I got back up. And life hit me again, and I got back up. So it's like, hit me with your best shot, how I overcame a hard-hitting life. That's what it's about. And so it's just my it's just my my autobiography, written in my own words and not eloquently or anything, but it talks a lot about my journey and things that I've even gone through with my children, hard times that we've gone through and how I overcame those. But yeah, it was a very cathartic experience.

DanielaSm 27:46

Yeah, you s you sound very resilient. Um and d do you have siblings? I do. And are they are they resilient? I mean, they probably went through similar things, at least the same family.

Neena Perez 28:00

I think they are. Uh I don't know if they've done any healing work though. I don't know if they've healed. I think they just take every day as it comes. And we've gone through different things because I was the oldest of all of the siblings. So I got the brunt of a lot of it, you know. Um, but yeah, I mean we get along well. Um on my father's side, because my father passed away, he never claimed me, but we knew who he was. I have 13 brothers and sisters on his side. I know most of them, not all of them. And then on my mother, uh, the ones I actually lived with, I have two brothers and a sister. And um, yeah, I was always the black sheep. I was I always felt like the one that was mistreated because my mother and father were married, but they were married to different people. They had a an affair or they had a mingle, and I was the product of that. So I think there was a lot of like anger and resentment towards me. Wow, interesting. Yeah.

unknown 28:55

Yeah.

DanielaSm 28:55

My story's long, girl. You asking a lot of questions. Yeah, your story's long. You know, the thing is that there aren't a lot of people like you, and that they don't share their stories and a lot of people have struggled and they have families that are very dysfunctional. So I'm I'm glad that you have a book to help other people.

Neena Perez 29:13

Yeah, actually a lot of people came to me after they read the book crying to tell me what they went through. That their father abused them or their brother or their mother or their whatever. I realized, wow, okay, it was worth it then. It was worth all the tears, all the crying, all the separation from people just to get this book done. It was it was worth it because if it you know it became a book that people were reading in their in their book clubs. Uh, people wanted to have me on their shows or write about it and stuff. So it it was uh it's a beautiful thing. I think anything that you and I can do, like what you're doing right now with a podcast, is to reach somebody. You don't know who's listening.

DanielaSm 29:50

Yes. I feel like when you meet other people with stories like these, you learn to be compassionate.

Neena Perez 29:55

Yeah, I I I'm grateful. I'm I used to be very angry, a very angry person. I used to be very unforgiving, very unforgiving, very angry, cut people off immediately, don't want you in my life. I'm not that person anymore. I'm just uh life has given me a lot of lessons and I'm learning, learning every

Quitting To Find Purpose Again

Neena Perez 30:14

day.

DanielaSm 30:14

So the book, you wrote the book, and then after you graduated, you you got a job in the in the culinary world?

Neena Perez 30:20

Yeah, I started teaching uh children how to cook. So I started my own business. Yeah, and then I worked at a couple of restaurants, and then I got hired at this amazing nonprofit organization where I was the director of culinary for about eight years, eight or nine years. It was an amazing experience, loved every moment. You know, when they had to let me go because I moved from state, you know, I moved out of state and they try to keep me for about a year and then they um they let me go. That was a very hard thing for me, and I, you know, went head, dived head into my my coaching, you know, helping women create coaching businesses. That's what I did for a while. And then um I then now I I let everything go. Um in December of last year, I said, okay, I I don't I don't know what I who I am, I don't know what I want to do, I don't know where I'm supposed to go. Um, and I'm like, so I stopped taking coaching clients. I stopped, you know, doing culinary, I stopped everything. I stopped absolutely everything. And um January and February came. I had an event for women because I already had it booked, and then I let everything go. And I I literally did nothing. Nothing. I was looking for like odd-end jobs that would not relate to anything, you know. Um, and I just started, I created this um journal. It's called uh um CEO Meetings with God because I started every morning having these CEO meetings with God and saying, Okay, God, this is our meeting. You're the CEO. I need you to guide me here. I'm gonna be the COO moving forward, and I need you to help me. And just one thing led to another, led to another. And then before I knew it, I I was in this nonprofit doing culinary and helping people, and then I realized what God was doing because I started using all of my skills, all of the stuff that I've been through in my life, all of the the homelessness and the losing everything, and living in shelters and you know, being hungry and all all of that. I started using everything, and now I impact people's lives in a very impactful way, and I I can't be more grateful than I am right now.

Burnout And The Emptiness Season

DanielaSm 32:26

Last year, you were so 52, that this book that I've been reading between 45 and 55, something happens to humans. They call it the middle-aged crisis, which I don't like the word crisis. I don't either. But apparently it happens to gorillas and to chimpanzees as well at their similar age, and obviously they're not the 45 for them. And it's something that happens, it's time and it's and and so I I am fascinated for the fact that you said that you didn't know what to do, and then you quit everything, which you're very brave.

Neena Perez 32:57

It was hard. It was hard.

DanielaSm 32:58

Yes, but so what happened? Tell me about that moment. Like you you were like confused, I don't know what I'm doing, or I don't know who I am, and so tell me more about that.

Neena Perez 33:06

I was waking up very empty. I was just waking up very empty, and I'm like, why is this happening when I have so much purpose? You know what I mean? Like, I love these women, I love helping them, I love creating things, I love doing this stuff. What is happening to me? I was feeling very, very disconnected, and I'm like, this sucks. Right? So I'm like, I'm gonna and uh during my CEO meetings with God journal thing that I created. I the first day that I was sitting there with my, you know, creating this thing, I realized the first thing was surrender. I surrendered everything. I said, you know what? How about you take it, God? How about you take it? I'm done, you know? I'm like, I've been doing this for 20 plus years, I've loved everything about it. I'm done. Like, I think you need maybe there's something new. What is the new? I need something new because I had stopped culinary once I got fired, like almost two years ago. I just stopped culinary. I was only doing coaching alone, but I just felt disconnected. I think there's something that happens to all of us where we've reached a pinnacle, we reach a place, and then we're like, I'm I'm done. You know?

DanielaSm 34:18

The reach of the first mountain. I don't know if you've heard that book from David Brooke.

Neena Perez 34:22

No.

DanielaSm 34:23

So it's like two mountains, right? And so you you if you reach here, um some people don't even reach it and realize what that this can be, and then you stay in the valley until you find a second mountain, which it will be kind of like a spiritual holistic kind of thing, you know, never having a bigger house or a bigger job or anything.

Neena Perez 34:43

I feel like I've been like this.

DanielaSm 34:46

It's like a hundred mountains. Yes, well, it's keep it to not to overwhelm too many months. Similar to me, you know, like I I'm grateful for my life, everything is beautiful, but there is some emptiness that I am feeling like, is this it? It can be it somewhere in the back of my head. I know that somewhere else there is something so much better. I don't know. And I'm not talking like uh the grass is greener on the other side. I just know that somewhere else there is something else, and I need to go somewhere else.

Neena Perez 35:16

Yeah. I think we rush past this season, this emptiness season, right? And maybe you don't need to rush past it, you know. This may be a beautiful time for you to realize, you know, have you been hustling for too long? Have you been running on going all the time, right? And there I think there's seasons in our life, you know. I think just like there's seasons in our kitchens and our food and all that, I think there's also seasons in our journey and in our life. Don't rush past it. You know, discover what that is. Maybe write, journal, you know, and say, you know, this is how I'm feeling. Why am I feeling this? What is it that I'm trying to connect to? Why do I want to connect to begin with? And why can't I just be? I've been always a hardworking woman. I just always been somebody who works really hard, always creating things, always helping people, always, always, always, always. And I didn't know what it meant to not feel connected anymore. It was just weird. It just felt like am I getting up every day to do what? You know what I mean? Like that's how I felt. But I realized that I was rushing past it too. Why not just surrender and pause for a second? Maybe I need to let go of all of my ideas. You know, maybe I and that's what I did. I just maybe I just don't need to why do I need to think that way anyway? Let me just let go of everything. You know? Let me go for a walk. Let me listen to nature. Let me connect with the ground. Let me do something different. And that's what I started doing. And that's what that's why I started to come back into myself, uh, like around maybe May or June, so about six, seven months in. But that's because I was I was fighting it too. I I kept trying to find things to do. I kept trying to find something to create. I kept trying to see something on YouTube. You know what I mean? It was I didn't give myself time to just freaking shut up and pause.

DanielaSm 37:07

Don't watch any videos meditating or what do you mean? Just go for walks.

Neena Perez 37:11

Read I like to read, so I would read, I would color, I would do crossword puzzles, I would uh for me it's prayer, right? So prayer, meditation is good too, exercising, walking. Like I really took the time to do those things because I realized that my body was automatically running. I had to go do something in order to feel significant. I don't want to do that anymore. I just want to be significant just to be.

DanielaSm 37:39

And and really it went away because I think it's hard.

Neena Perez 37:42

It well no, it didn't just go away like like that. It took a a while to go it what it started doing is started metamorphosing into something else. Right? Then I started to say, who am I? What is what is it that I want to do? What do I want to accomplish today? Like if I wanted to accomplish something today that has nothing to do with coaching, nothing to do with anything else, that's right. I wanted to like do a whole herb garden. Let me go do that.

DanielaSm 38:06

But always still doing something.

Neena Perez 38:08

Yeah, always still doing something. It's not like I was just laying around eating bonbons and reading. But I wasn't hyper focused on what the accolades. I wasn't focused on what I can get back or you know, w what somebody will say about my work or what somebody I just I didn't care anymore. I just didn't care. So I was able to stop and focus and pause and plant some great gardens um and just reconnect. I don't know about you, but one of the things I was going through a lot and I had to help myself with was burnout and um fear and trauma and all of the things. And your body starts to keep the score, it starts to keep that in you, right? And so then you have to go, okay, I I feel anxious. Why do I feel anxious? I'm not even doing anything. And that's what it was. It was this constant running, constant running, constant running. And instead, I ended up, you know, planting a really nice raised bed garden, you know, got a lot of nice herbs out of it, got some great figs out of my fig tree, you know, took some time to do that. Got some great, you know, pecans from my pecan tree. Oh, really? Wow. Yeah. So I just I took time. Who who are we anyway? You know, and a hundred years from now, our great, great, great grandkids probably won't even know our name.

DanielaSm 39:19

I know, I know. I keep I keep keep thinking of that. But uh, it's just that kind of finding a purpose, I think, sometimes is is um is difficult.

Neena Perez 39:28

Even doing like smaller things, and you I don't know if you already do this or not, but like, you know, uh lifting your spirits by you know helping someone else, right? Maybe donating your time.

DanielaSm 39:38

Yes, yes, yes. I do I do volunteer for the thing.

Neena Perez 39:41

Oh, that's good. Good. Yeah, because you know, you have to remind yourself, right, that life really matters and that this this is uh a great moment, and not every moment is gonna be like this, right? Because troubles come. It's unfortunate, but troubles come. So when these moments are here, I always try to really wrap myself up in them because I know that these calm moments are temporary.

Rebuilding Trust With Her Mother

DanielaSm 40:03

Your mom is is Latin, right? You said where where is she from? Where's the background?

Neena Perez 40:06

Puerto Rico. Um, my mother lives in another state though, and I actually miss her. I haven't seen her in a year. I have to go see hers because we've been talking, you know, via video, things like that. But once I wrote the book and she was pissed, she didn't speak to me for like a good eight months. I I went to her house and knocked on her door and she looked at me so mad, and I'm like, I don't care if you're mad, we're gonna talk about it.

DanielaSm 40:28

But did you send her a book and she read it?

Neena Perez 40:30

No, uh somebody gave her the book, so she was pissed off. I never even told her I was writing it because I knew she was gonna be mad. But she didn't talk to me for a very long time, so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna just we're gonna we're gonna do this, we're gonna go for it. So I went over there, we had a pretty intense back and forth argument. It healed us. I ended up apologizing for being hard as a daughter, you know, because I had a kid at 15 years old that couldn't have been easy for her. She didn't give me structure, so you know, I I but I can't blame her either, you know. So once I apologized, she looked at me and apologized, and it just broke everything. All the anger, the frustration, the all of that was gone. So now we're in a really good place. It's hard when when we were arguing over all the things that she allowed. You know, she allowed a lot of the abuse that happened to me. She allowed a lot of things. Um, she was in complete denial, complete denial. Uh, you know, you're lying, you're this. I'm like, really, this is what we're doing. I didn't let her off the hook though. Like they're your parent, you want to respect them, but at the same time, dude, this hurts.

DanielaSm 41:41

And did she did she gaslight you too? That saying, of course. You just said it.

Neena Perez 41:46

Of course, all the time. I mean, even with the things that I wrote in the book that she knows are real, I know are real. We were both there. You know it happened. Uh, and even with that, it was the complete like, no, mm-mm, didn't happen. I'm like, wow. Wow. That's like this is crazy.

DanielaSm 42:05

Yeah. So I've learned a lot of terms lately, the gaslighting, the narcissism, you know, I didn't have no idea of all those terms, and now they're just I bet you see it now though, don't you?

Neena Perez 42:17

Me too. The last maybe 10 years I learned about narcissism, and I'm like, oh, that makes so much sense.

DanielaSm 42:23

Isn't that interesting that when we were growing up, like there's so many words, the terminologies that we didn't they need nobody talked about.

unknown 42:30

Right.

DanielaSm 42:30

For example, now people talk about menopause. That didn't exist before, nobody even mentioned that. Yeah, nobody you know I just learned that adolescent was also invented in like in the early 1908 or so. Because before these adolescents had to go to work, they didn't even go to high school because they had to work. And so then they started to say, oh, you know, we can put these people together and they go to school and they actually they need to go to school. And then the terminology of adolescent and all the the behaviors and feelings and emotions was written, and so society accepted them. So that's why the term that we are now, like you know, when we are between the 50s and the 60s, that is also like an adolescent the other way around. It hasn't been uh accepted by society yet. So once I invented a name, then it will be normalized and we will all understand how we're feeling.

Neena Perez 43:22

So we've we've seen a lot of transition of words lately.

DanielaSm 43:29

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Neena Perez 43:32

Oh, this was a great conversation. I really appreciate you having me.

DanielaSm 43:36

Yes. Janina, what I know that we're over the time,

Launching The Purpose Filled Kitchen

DanielaSm 43:39

but anyway. Uh what about the podcast?

Neena Perez 43:41

Oh, the podcast is uh well, I'm shifting, um, as you know. I just talked about the whole shifting thing. So I'm starting something new. It's a new project. It's called the Purpose Filled Kitchen. It's about food and faith and community and all those things. My YouTube channel just launched Thursday. The purpose filled kitchen. Is actually me making recipes, cooking with people, sitting down and talking about life after we cook, cooking together in the recipe, and then we're sitting together to talk about whatever cancer. I had somebody who talked about cancer, someone who's talking about she's an author. You know, I've had lots of lots of different things. Wow, that sounds fascinating. And thank you. But so then you are in your house in the kitchen. I'm in my house right now in the kitchen, yep. And then um there's some restaurants that want me to go and uh you know talk to them at their restaurants. So I already have one woman I did at her bakery, we went to her bakery, and then we sat down and talked about challenges, life, leadership, entrepreneurship, but after we did the tour of the bakery. But it's just me and my camera, and that's it.

DanielaSm 44:41

Okay, all right. Wow, that sounds amazing. And how do you came with this idea?

Neena Perez 44:45

I love it. I'm not sure, honestly. I think it was you're gonna laugh, but I think it was the the CEO meeting with God.

DanielaSm 44:53

He's doing all the work, he's not doing anything.

Neena Perez 45:03

Because I have prompts and stuff like that in there, and the prompts helped me out, and before I knew it, the whole idea came out.

DanielaSm 45:09

Unique, right? That you're cooking and then you Yeah, I think so.

Neena Perez 45:13

I I I hope so.

DanielaSm 45:14

Nina, it was a pleasure since we met the first time. I think you said that I was funny, which I'm like, oh, she thinks that I'm funny, and I think she's funny, and uh You are funny.

Neena Perez 45:24

How many times did I laugh in this podcast? You are hilarious.

DanielaSm 45:27

Yeah, I don't think I I don't think God is saying that I should be a comedian though. I don't know.

Neena Perez 45:34

You gotta ask him.

DanielaSm 45:36

Yes, I will I will take him. You think he maybe he can be the CEO for another company too? Oh my god, it's so funny. Thank you so much, Nina. It has been an amazing time, and I am so grateful for having met you because yeah, you you're uncer de luz. I uh he comes in Spanish more. Oh, no, same. Thank you so much for having me, Daniela. Really. So we're grateful to have you in this world so wonderful. Thank you.

Final Takeaways And Listener Invitation

DanielaSm 45:59

Nina's story reminds us that rebuilding a life doesn't happen all at once. It grows through small choices, fate, and the courage to keep moving forward, even when the path feels uncertain. Sometimes the chapters we struggle through the most become the ones that guide someone else towards hope. I invite you to follow Nina on her YouTube channel, The Purpose to Fill Kitchen, where she cooks and shares heartfelt conversations with guests. If something from this conversation stayed with you, share it with someone who may need encouragement right now. And please leave us a message. Join me next time for another story conversation. Thank you for listening. Hasta pronto.