me&my health up

Mastering Your Emotions

December 27, 2022 me&my wellness / Anthony Hartcher Season 1 Episode 137
Mastering Your Emotions
me&my health up
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me&my health up
Mastering Your Emotions
Dec 27, 2022 Season 1 Episode 137
me&my wellness / Anthony Hartcher

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Your emotions are a feedback mechanism indicating symptoms of an imbalanced mind?

By balancing our emotions, we can plan strategically and make objective decisions. In this new episode πŸŽ™ of me&my health up, the host Anthony Hartcher helps you get out of the survival thinking and into a state of thrival. Anthony discuss's the methodology of Demartini Method and strategies to improve and enhance your thinking.

Weekend Retreat details

The Resolution Solution 12-month program. Helping you to achieve success in 2023. Register your interest before the 31st December 2022 to receive the early bird offer a whopping 37% discount of the RRP. Click here to book a chat with Anthony to see whether or not the program is right for you.

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me&my wellness is creating holistic health content | Patreon

Determine your values:
Demartini Value Determination - Your Priority Assessment (drdemartini.com)

About me&my Health Up & Host

me&my Health Up
seeks to enhance and enlighten the wellbeing of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food is medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor's degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering.

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Podcast editing: WE EDIT PODCASTS

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Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of β€œme&my health up”..click here for more

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Show Notes Transcript

Send us a Text Message.

Your emotions are a feedback mechanism indicating symptoms of an imbalanced mind?

By balancing our emotions, we can plan strategically and make objective decisions. In this new episode πŸŽ™ of me&my health up, the host Anthony Hartcher helps you get out of the survival thinking and into a state of thrival. Anthony discuss's the methodology of Demartini Method and strategies to improve and enhance your thinking.

Weekend Retreat details

The Resolution Solution 12-month program. Helping you to achieve success in 2023. Register your interest before the 31st December 2022 to receive the early bird offer a whopping 37% discount of the RRP. Click here to book a chat with Anthony to see whether or not the program is right for you.

Links mentioned in the episode

Join the me&my health up club:
me&my wellness is creating holistic health content | Patreon

Determine your values:
Demartini Value Determination - Your Priority Assessment (drdemartini.com)

About me&my Health Up & Host

me&my Health Up
seeks to enhance and enlighten the wellbeing of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food is medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor's degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering.

Credits

Podcast editing: WE EDIT PODCASTS

Podcast Disclaimer
Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of β€œme&my health up”..click here for more

Support the Show.

Anthony Hartcher:

Welcome back to an insightful episode of me and my health up. Me and my health up is all about enhancing and enlightening your well being. And I'll be doing that just for you today. So I'm the host of the show. I'm Anthony Hartcher, a clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicine specialist. And we're going to be talking on the topic of Mastering your emotions. But before we get on to the topic, I'd love to share some updates from my point of view. So I'm a week back from surgery. And yes, I'm recovering well, so I had a double hernia operation. It was something that I never expected, I would encounter, but I did. And I've been humbled by it, and very grateful for the fantastic medical system we have here in Australia, as well as the amazing nurses, doctors and staff that support our medical system. So I had a fantastic experience, everything went well back in recovery, and looking forward to sharing some insights in terms of what I've been learning over the past few months. So yes, I've been back studying, I've been studying with the Demartini Institute. And I've been studying mind body medicine, as well as medicine for the mind in terms of that mastering your emotions is really what today's topic is about, and what I've been studying. So it's how to get to that higher level of thinking. And get out of that lower level of thinking that very much that survival center of the brain, which I'll get into shortly, is pretty much runs our lives these days, particularly with all the media negativity, and the talk and the chatter that goes on amongst the community, the tabloids, very much gets us in that survival part of the brain, and we cannot thrive in that survival part of the brain. So this episode is to help get you out of that survival part of the brain and into that thrival part of the brain where you have foresight, you have incredible objective thinking, strategic thinking, you have love and gratitude. So yes, that's what you'll get out of today's episode is more love and gratitude for seeing the world as it is, as opposed to the way the media wishes it would be or someone else wishes that would be or a fantasy you may have about life. So we're going to talk about some strategies to really get you out of this survival thinking, and more into that thrival thinking. So in terms of my study, I've studied the Demartini method, which I'm going to take you through today part of it anyway. And so yes, you'll need some notepad, or you'll need to open up that memory bank of yours, those filing systems and start tucking away some of this information I share so that you can when you get back to a bit of pen and paper, you can actually work on yourself and work on getting yourself to that higher level of thinking. Without much further a do, here we go get into today's episode. So what are your key learning outcomes? So we're going to talk about emotions, what they are, how they service. And when they are of disservice, obviously, yes, they've got the pro and con of emotions, and everyone's experienced emotions. So we've had times of feeling elated and joyful and times of being sorrow, where we experience pleasure. And we've also experienced pain. So we're going to go through what our emotions, how they serve us, and when they are of disservice to us. And we're going to then go through some of the Demartini method exercises I'm going to share with you in terms of how you can then apply the methodology to really improve and enhance your thinking your life and be the master of your destiny, as opposed to being a victim of history. Let's get into this episode. So we're going to start with the definition of what are emotions. So I've pulled this definition from the discovery psychology. It's by Dr. Hakan Berry, he shares in terms of his definition of emotions, as you know, there's lots of definitions of emotions, like there is lots of definitions of love, but I'm sharing with you this definition, because it was highly rated. So it's got some popularity behind that. So he says that an emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components, a subjective experience, okay, we're gonna get onto that subjective experience shortly, a physiological response. So the body responds to that subjective experience. And then that results in a behavioral or expressive response, which is that motor action that either verbalizing how you're feeling or showing it through body language. So obviously, there's information that comes in, we perceive the stimulus from the world All around us our environment that is then goes to a receptor, whether it be a smell receptor, a taste receptor, a hearing receptor, visual receptor. So, obviously, our receptors, our sensory receptors are tuned in, they pick up the message. And then that is then I guess translated, it crosses over to what we call this perception. And the perception is how we've perceived that based on our senses, but our senses only pick up part of the whole picture and not the complete picture. And this is where we often distort our reality, and created an illusion of what's actually happened or have a very subjective experience of what's actually happened. And you could relate to this. So you can be with friends, you all have experienced the same stimulus, but or respond differently. So for example, you might be with your friends, you're having a coffee, and then all of a sudden, the big trash like a big, hairy, dry answer that pops out. And then some friends don't respond at all, they may freeze, or some friends screen their head off. So they, they're scared, they're frightened, this spider is a threat to my survival. And the freeze response is also, you know, a perceived threat to survival. Because as a primitive instinct, we have this ability to freeze and act dead essentially. So and then there's those that say, I don't worry, it's just a triangular, I'll remove it, and we'll get back to enjoy a coffee together. So you could see how that one stimulus results, in this case, three different subjective experiences. And these experiences are based on prior history in terms of our beliefs, our experiences. So as the stimulus comes into the body, we have a perception of it. And then we form a conception. So we start to link it to past experiences. So you might have had a really frightening experience as a kid, where a tarantula may have bitten you. Okay, you may have been bitten by a tarantula. So as a young kid, you that hurt. And so what happens with the survival mechanism, we have this limbic system, you've probably heard of the the limbic system, also considered as the emotional center. So that experience is then stored in the hippocampus. And the reason why it's stored there, it's low down in the brain. So it's at the back of the brain, I'm tapping the back of my brain, if you're watching this, if you're listening, it's essentially someone giving you a tap on the back of their head, and telling you to get out of your primitive thinking and move towards your prefrontal cortex, I'm tapping on my forehead, you know, the forefront of our head leading us guiding us back the head is, you know, we're living in in the past, essentially, or we're living in our fantasies, how would you expect the world to be? So? Yeah, so this back of the brain is essentially really fast. Well, wired, you know, large speed broadband, essentially, because it's a survival mechanism. So, for example, if you're walking, you know, back in the day, when we were hunters and gatherers, were walking past his Boulder, and all of a sudden, out pops a tiger, okay? We're going to be very frightened. And we're going to run the other direction, we're going to climb the ball, what are we going to do whatever it takes to get away from that tiger. So the hippocampus stores that. So the next time we're walking past a boulder, we remember that experience. And we may be a lot more precautionary, as opposed to just pop out, because we understand based on prior experiences, the tigers live behind boulders. Okay, so this is essentially this primitive brain, thinking it's essentially keeps us in survival and keeps us alive. And we do need it it does service. However, we don't want to live in this survival mechanism of the brain, because humans have evolved in their thinking and that evolution has come through expanding our minds and expanding our, our horizons, our view of the world and our knowledge, and we've grown and evolved and hence we have this ability to reason and to think and to solve problems, we can get out of that impulse and instinct part of the brain. Now, however, it does serve the likes of the media, for example, and advertising it serves advertising so advertising will always want to appeal to your emotions. If they appeal to your emotions, not only will you remember their brand, it can create an impulse to want to buy that, okay, they want to create that impulse instinctive behavior. So they want you to be in your survival part of the brain. They don't care if you're thriving or not. They want to sell a product they're all about selling a product and services. So advertising will essentially appeal to your that system one order one thing Thinking, which is that survival thinking, by appealing to your emotions getting you to connect that emotion. So Coca Cola does a lot of happiness associated with its products. And when you're drinking Coca Cola, you're happy when you're with your friends, you're having the time of your life. So they want to associate Coca Cola with being happy. So if you're feeling sad, what is your impulse going to lead you to do is drink Coca Cola to make you feel better. So you can see where I'm going with this the same with the media, the media wants you to read their headlines, and associate the headlines with some emotion. So generally fear base, they know that fear drives us, we the fear the loss of something, or we fear that fear the loss of something we want. So that could be money, for example, you may fear the loss of money, or you may fear the loss of a loved one. Or you may fear the gain of someone you don't want in your life. And someone you want to wish they would never have a part of your life such as an ex and ex partner, and ex husband or ex wife, or whatever it may be, that person you don't want around is essentially the fear the gain of them, or you fear the loss of something you want. Okay, so that's how they work our emotions. And essentially, they're working here in Australia on our fear of more floods, essentially, because we don't want the gain of floods again, because the floods resulted in some devastation, and people lost their homes and have these negative associations with floods. And I'm going to help you today in terms of if you're one of those people that have experience such an event, then I'm going to help you with the thinking in terms of how to dissolve that fear, and how to live a life that you want to live a life by design, not by default. So let's get back to the emotions I touched on the definition and then expanded on it. So our emotions summed up by Dr. DE martini, is there a symptoms of an imbalanced mind? Okay, think about it, symptoms of an imbalance mind. So you when you get a motion, so whether it be happy, you're just seeing more upside than downside from that stimulus, right? So you perceive you're having a subjective experience, that's that stimulus is giving more upside than downside, but you're not seeing the whole, that's what you're perceiving through your senses. But are you seeing the whole picture, because what essentially, the world is, is completely balanced. And the universal law works around the law of conservation. So nothing is either gained or lost. It's just transformed. So if you think about the energy law, so energy cannot be created or destroyed, but transformed from one form to another. And we see that in all energy production, and the energy we use, it gets translated, it gets transformed. But essentially, it's not created or destroyed, it's there. And it is just transformed. And essentially, when we see the world as it is, then we have love and gratitude towards the world, because they're not trying to think the world should behave according to our fantasy. And that is very futile sort of thinking, it is not. So it's, it's not going to make you. And ultimately you don't want to have this extreme happiness, or because happiness is only ends up resulting in sadness, because then you can see the complete picture. And it's not as positive as what you thought, and it's more balanced. And then you're thinking, Ah, that's, you know, I'm sad. This is the emotional roller coaster we go on. Because when we do experience these emotions, we're not seeing the whole picture. So if you're sad, you're seeing more negatives than positives, you're not seeing it objectively. And then thinking about hang on a sec, there's upside to this sadness or upside to this event. We go back to the floods, there was upside to those floods. Some people may have wanted to move and this triggered that move or you know, from where they were located. And they might find their soulmate in that new location, or things will happen as a result of that moving or to enter the there was beneficiaries of the flood as well, such as the people in the building industry got to that stimulated their economic activity and helped their prosperity which then flowed on so obviously they were creating money, and they'll spending money they'll spend if they're working in the town, they'll spend money in the town supporting local businesses and that goes back to the families. And so the thing is when we are sad it or we have a subjective experience around a traumatic event, we just see more negatives and positives. But if we ask the question is, what is the upside? What is how is this event served me in? What is important to me? And in all aspects of my life? If you start asking that question and keep asking that question, you will balance your perspective. And then you'll see the event for what it is, as opposed to your fantasy of what you wished it was. So when we hold these fantasies, it's essentially telling us we're not being authentic, and we're not seeing the event for what it is. And objectively, if you do have a fantasy of the world, it's probably starting to think and recognize that that fantasy is wanting you to see the whole picture and see the event for what it is, and not what you wished it was. And once you can see the event for what it is. And for the whole, you can have love and gratitude for it. You can't have love and gratitude, without seeing the whole person without seeing the whole event and how it's had positive and negative. If you want to label it like that. It's got both it's got both sides, it's completely conserved, completely balanced. And when we start to ask this question, and the more we ask this question of ourselves, is, for example, when we're happy, we see more upside than downside, start thinking about, Okay, how's this event been of disservice to me know, if you've been extremely elated by it, how's it not served you in your areas of importance to you, or your whole sphere of life, such as your family life, such as your relationship? So, for example, you may be extremely elated over a deal a business deal or a business project when or something like that. And so you see way more upside than downside. But when you then look at, okay, how's it not so great deal, it may have affected other areas of life, you may have then put aside six months just working on this deal to win this deal. And what's happened to your family life, to your relationships to your health, okay, and if you start to put it into perspective, you get a balanced view. And you think, okay, I achieved the goal I wanted in that area. But I need to pick up the other areas in order to have fulfillment, because that will give you some fulfillment. In that point of time, you'll feel elated. But then you'll start to feel the consequences of not investing in other areas of your life. And then you'll start to feel not so great. And then you'll start to see that deal wasn't such a great deal. But what I'm wanting you to do is see that in the moment. So the moment these emotions come in, I want you to think, Okay, I've got an imbalance perspective, it's very subjective. And I need to now look at both sides, I'm going to examine, I'm going to ask the question of myself, what is the downside or the disservice of that joy, that elation, that happiness, to balance the mind at that point in time, to put you back into balance, and to get you to be authentic. And if family is important to you, then you'll start to think, Okay, I've really neglected the family. So you'll be proactive in investing back into that area, as opposed to just going for the next deal chasing the next business deal wanting the next big win. Okay, that is really important is that we start asking that question to balance the perspective. So the next point I want to raise is the ratio of perception will determine the degree of imbalance. What do I mean by that? So the ratio of perception is, if you see 10 positive points upside in this moment, and only one negative, okay, so you only see one drawback and 10 positives, then that's a ten to one ratio, right? And that that is showing that you've got a really imbalance perspective. So we need to now look for another nine downsides to balance that perception. So you get a perception of the hole, and you can have love and gratitude for what it is. And as opposed to being elated in the moment and then realizing down the track of those disservice and it's could be too late you could lose your family in that down the road, because that down the road could be years from that point in time. So rather than it occupying such large amounts of space and time and this is where people can get stuck in the past is they just want that euphoria back it's like an addiction. They just want to feel Your that euphoric moment, they want to have that massive business deal win again. And if they're not getting it, then they've constantly living back in that past experience of when they had it. It's the same as athletes, they have a win. And if things don't, aren't going to plan, then they just constantly thinking back on that when and just thinking, Oh, that was good wasn't the good old days, remember the good old days. This is where essentially, it takes us away from being present. And therefore these people and look, I'm human, I have these moments, you are not in the present moment, you are living in the past, or you have a fantasy of the future that you want to be in, except your reality is different. And that creates signs of depression, because you want the world to be this way. But the reality is telling you it's this way, and there's a distortion or a mismatch. And that can make you feel down. So I hope that helps in terms of understanding your emotions and how they're not being of great service, but they are a service to tell you that you have an imbalanced mind. Okay, so if we balanced our emotions, we create a balanced mind, we have more foresight, more ability to plan strategically and look at the upside and downside and get a make an objective decision as opposed to so that's a rational decision, as opposed to an irrational decision, when we're in our emotions will make more irrational decisions. And that they're the ones that you'll regret, you make a rational decision based on the pros, the cons, seeing the events for what it is, or planning the event for how you want it to happen for you, and working out plan B and Plan C and being ready for any obstacles, then, that is where you're creating a life that you want to live by or, you know, thrive to, as opposed to living a life by default based on stimulus that's coming in from the media and saying everything's doom and gloom, you know, before it was the pandemic, okay, all doom and gloom about the pandemic figures. Now, it's all doom and gloom about the rain here in Australia, other parts of the world, it's bushfires, it's, it's global warming, rising waters, it's all these sorts of things to really get us in that survival mechanism, make us make impulsive decisions, impulsive, buying decisions, or make us run away from things and resist governments and protests and all this sort of things. Because they're presenting a Gan a subjective bias towards, you know, a particular opinion they want to get across, we need to take that article, and look and do more research in order to see the balance. So I'd like to conclude the emotions part is that emotions will ages, the reasons they ages is because they drive a physiological response in the body, that's one sided, okay, so you're either elated and your parasympathetic nervous system is switched on, and you're relaxed, and you're chilled. And yes, it's good to have the balance. But once you're seeing a objective perspective, you are completely poised, completely balanced, okay, you're in the middle, you're centered, you have grace, you can therefore have gratitude. You can therefore, experience love when you're completely poised and centered and see your partner for who they are, as opposed to who you wish they would be. And only love one side of them, you'll get to love both sides of your partner and you'll accept them for who they are. And they can be authentic, you can be authentic, and you both have that love for one another because you are loving them unconditionally, as opposed to I love this side of you, but I don't love this side of you. So I'm owning this side of you that I'm disowning this side. And that is driving them to be non authentic being someone who then they not are and they won't thrive in that state of being putting on a mask, for example. So if you're trying to be one sided, you're wearing a mask and you'll keep running into events and circumstances that will basically tap you on the back of their head or tap you on the front of the head to tell you to get out of your primitive way of thinking and to be you to be the authentic you. So if we don't want to wage we need to be centered, okay? That's resulting in a very non dominant either side, whether it be sympathetic which is that fight flight or freeze response or parasympathetic which is at rest and digest. Again, the circadian rhythm will determine which should be dominating. But in terms of the way in which we experience events, we want to see the hole as soon as possible so that we are not a victim of history. And we can be a master of our destiny. Because essentially, if we don't look objectively at that event, it's going to run our lives, it's going to be like noise in our mind, we're going to be constantly thinking about it. Now we're going to think about, I wish I had done this, I wish I had said that, I just wish I hadn't went to that event, because of what happened. And you're gonna have all these wishes, but it's happened. And if you go back to that event, and if you then put yourself back in that event, and then put yourself in the scenario of where you were, when was it? Who are you with whom observed this interaction? And then you start if it was something of you perceived it as being extremely negative event, then I want in that moment for you to look at the upside. Okay, how has that served you from that moment until today? That upside. So I'll give you an example. I've just come out of surgery, right? I went into surgery first, when I was four or five years old to have my adenoids removed grommets inserted in my ears, tonsils removed. So I experience a lot of surgery early on in life. And I could have said, you know, seen that as a just a traumatic experience for a young boy to be in hospital overnight having all these tubes and things cut out of him. And but if I had never looked back at that event, and think, how is that event served me? How has it benefited me, I can now relate it to what I'm doing today. I'm doing what I love. Today, I'm being authentic, because I can see how that event has served me. And at the time, I was seeing more negatives and positives. But then when I've looked at the positives, I wouldn't be doing this podcast today if it wasn't for that event, and for the events afterwards. Because essentially, at an early age, I experienced ill health. And so health was a big void in my life, I didn't have it. And as a result, it got me researching and looking into ways in which I could be healthier. So I started reading books, I started reading articles at an early age, very early age. I started to really focus on my health, ever since that point where I was in hospital as a little kid, experiencing all that removal of organs and discomfort and pain. So it really serves me when I look back and reflect. But what I want to help you with and this is part of what I do today is I want to help prevent people ending up in hospital hence why I run this podcast, this podcast is a holistic health podcast. That's all around empowering you to make better decisions around your health so that you don't end up in hospital because you can control what you do around being educated and empowered around healthy and healthy lifestyle. So this is what this podcast is about. And I could then say that event has helped shaped this podcast, it has helped shaped me for who I am today. When I went into surgery, this time, I did months of preparation. Before going into surgery, I didn't decide I'd wing it, I just thought, Well, I'm empowered. Now, whilst I'm empowered, and I've got control and I can do things to help ensure that operation is successful. I did everything I could I started actively seeing the physiotherapist, I started really, really focusing in on my what I was eating, what I was putting in my body, the sleep I was getting at night, the education I was putting into my brain, and how I was spending each moment leading up to that operation. So I've got myself in a really good state. And hence my recovery has been fantastic. And I'm still working on it. So that's where I want to serve you is in that moment where you're perceiving the event as extremely negative, I want you to look for the upside. How is this event serving me, for example, it could be someone giving you criticism, okay, so there could be putting you down or they could be stating something that's obvious to you, but you're not doing it. So you could just say, Oh, that that person just is always having a go at me or they they're never supporting me. And you can have this all or nothing thinking. And again, all or nothing thinking is in our hind part of the brain hit is where we live in that survival mechanism, impulse and instinct. However, you can then look at that person and what they're saying and say, okay, they're bringing me to the forefront of my brain and making me recognize something that I've been ignoring and putting off and so therefore, I want to I'm going to thank that person. Because if it wasn't for that person, they wouldn't have brought it to my awareness and therefore lifted me out of that animal thing. Thinking. So this is what you want to start thinking about when you receive criticism you want to start looking at, are you being cocky and proud, and therefore that what they're doing is making you authentic by bringing you down to being authentic to that equilibrium to that balance state, as opposed to being extremely proud and cocky. That's what that criticism and how it could be serving you. On the flip side, is, when you're feeling down, you'll generally attract people to lift you off. And that's the balancing act. As I mentioned before, everything, you know, when we start to look objectively, and start to see the world as it is, it is balanced, or it's wanting to establish balance. And so this is essentially what I want you to get out of this episode today, is that when emotions come in, is that it's telling you, it's a symptom, that you have an imbalance, mind and imbalance perspective. So at that moment, capture that emotion, and think What am I missing here, what's missing, my senses are only picking up this. And my conception with past experiences is only this. But my intuition, which is in that moment, is telling me there's something missing. And what you'll start to reveal is what's unconscious at that point, as opposed to missing what's unconscious, and only taking in what's conscious and thinking it's all positive, and then realize down the track that is not all positive. And I'm sure he can reflect on an event that you thought was extremely great. And then all of a sudden, two years down the track, you thought, oh, no, that wasn't so great. It could have been the day you got married, you thought your fantasies come true. And then two years after leaving with this person and seeing both sides of them, you're thinking, Now this is not what I wanted. And then you're thinking, well, that marriage marriage day wasn't as great as what I was fantasizing. And you know, in the later in the moments, however, I've realized with time that this is probably this person on with is not the right person. And so this is where we need to start looking at both sides, at the same time, in order to see the event for what it is, and to have love and gratitude. Because it's unconditional love. And gratitude is unconditional, you're accepting the person for who they are, no matter what they've said or done. You've accepting them for them as them and you're loving the whole. And that can only happen when you essentially see the whole picture, a balanced perspective. Now, I just mentioned that person, okay, that person, so that person is essentially also helping you to be authentic, in terms of whatever they might be saying to you. They might be, as I said, bringing you down from your pedestal, or they could be bringing you up because they want you to be authentic. And often what we despise in other people is what we're disowning in ourselves, okay? So if you're constantly despising a characteristic about a person, it's because you're not owning it in yourself. And this is one of the exercises I'd love you to do. So I want you to write down this person, the traits. So it's the traits they have. So the physical characteristics that you're you don't like about them, or it could be the actions or inactions. So the again, it's that mechanical, whether it be verbal criticism, or they weren't there to pick you up, or they didn't meet you at this event on time. And you're perceiving that, as you might have got this disorder perception that they don't care about you anymore, okay. But what we're looking at is looking self reflecting and seeing where we've done that. So we're going to own that disowned part, because what's been reflected to us is something we're not owning. So the fact that they didn't turn up, and we're on time to greet you, or to pick you up from somewhere, I want you to now reflect when you've done that, so go to a moment where and when you were not on time, and weren't there to pick that person up that you cared about. And now you want to start thinking about the number of times you've done that so that the more times you pick up, the more you're owning it to the point where you think it's neutral that you do it as much as they do it. Okay, you don't want to take it to the other extreme, otherwise, you will have shame on yourself. And you'll put yourself down by if you're taking if you find too many examples because you think I do it more than them. Now, you don't want that. We want to get a balanced perspective. So if there's something that's really bugging you about a person, I want you to look within and find moments where you've done that and actually go to that moment. It's so important you go to that moment, because that's neutralizing the moment. So it's neutralizing the shame and the DIS ownership of that part, you are owning it, and you want that won't be weighing on you in your mind and playing and circling over as noise in your mind, essentially, you will own it, and it will neutralize that you'll have no shame or you won't be extremely proud, it will just be neutral. And you can be more present as a result of that. So write down all the things that is bugging you write about someone that you know, it could be your partner, it could be a mother, it could be a father, it could be a brother, sister, you know, there's always some family member, of course, Sister in law, brother in law and mother in law, her father in law and write down exactly, you know, three to five words, what is it, that you dislike about them, and then reflect when you have done that, okay? You'll find it in yourself, you will neutralize that, and you'll increase the bond, that connection, and you will love them for who they are. And it will help you to love you for who you are. Okay, so that's an important exercise, I really want you to do this exercise, it's a self reflection exercise. Now, the next part is, if that person has done something to you, that you're resenting you're really annoyed about frustrated, again, emotional, right? You're emotional about you're charged, you're really angry. So write down, go to that moment, go to that event. Okay, so write it down. Where are you? When was it? What is the context of that event? Okay, the context, the content, what they're doing the context. So the why, and is there anyone observing it, because that's important, because the observer, you could feel more shame in front of the observer, like, if it's two parents fighting, then and a child walks in one of their children walks in, then the parents who could be feeling more bad about doing it, you know, acting like that in front of the child, as opposed to actually doing what they're doing to one another. So that's why it's important to Is there anyone observing it that you really care about that you're feeling a bit shameful for? So you want to look at that event that's happened, that you've perceived having more downside than upside, and then what we're going to do in that moment, I want you to get into that moment, and then look, okay, you're going to be essentially looking in that moment, for how that events that moment has served you from then up until today, in the areas that are important to you. And in the areas of life, such as family life, such as relationships, such as money career, such as your education, your vocation, such as your health, for example. So how has it served you in the areas that are important to you, and in your in the areas of life, and then you start writing them down? Okay? So for example, you may have been, you know, two parents fighting. So I'm fighting with my wife, and my daughter walks in. So I go to that moment, we're fighting, we're fighting over, maybe I'm not doing enough around the house or something like that. And I'm being defensive and sharing all the things that I am doing. And so we're fighting and the, my daughter walks in, and she sees us and we're thinking, Oh, we don't want her to see arguments or conflict. But how has that serves me in a sense that I realized at that moment in time, I was in that survival mechanism, okay. And I'm, obviously in order to be in that survival mechanism. I'm fighting back and defending and whatnot, it's because I wasn't managing my stress. So how can I manage my stress on an everyday basis so that when those moments arise, I can be more centered in terms of my response, more thoughtful in my response, because at that time, I would have been destroying more fuel on the fire, okay, and you attack one another, and it just feeds each other and you're fighting and so, so essentially, you know, reflecting back, what I've learned is that, you know, if I keep practicing, what I'm preaching this, I'll get better at in that moment. Okay, you know, what's a more resourceful response? Okay, because what they're doing is making me feel more authentic, more balanced. And essentially, what I realized at that moment in time is that maybe I wasn't helping out enough. I wasn't providing my wife enough support, you know, how can I do that on a regular basis so that it doesn't result in a big blowout? And so it's asking the question, How would you like me to support you? Okay, how can we avoid this? Like, it's that way, that's a silly statement, but you know, how do I help you in you know, reducing your stress and reducing your workload at home? own essentially. And so this is the self reflection, the questioning, you know, you're asking yourself, you're so reflecting on how that served you and what you've got out of it. And then just neutralizing that events. And then you can be grateful, you can say, I thank you, Why, thank you so much for bringing it to my awareness that really served me in terms of waking me up, it's helped me in these areas of my life, and you will have that gratitude, if you neutralize it. Again, it requires you to look in look in. And it requires you to go into the moment actually put yourself back in that moment, and then look from that point until today, how it served you in the areas that are important to you, and in the areas of life. And, again, you want to be doing that to dissolve your shame when you've done it. So you came up with all these events where you're owning what they did to you and seeing where you've done that and saying, Well, yes, I'm owning that disowned part within me, in order to not have shame over doing those things. You want to neutralize it and say, How has what I did serve the other person in their highest, I guess that time how it served them, what has been the primary benefit of me doing this to them, what has been a secondary benefit or tertiary benefit, okay, so then you're looking at what you did, and really neutralizing it, as opposed to having shame over what you did, and then looking for how it served the other person. And when you look, you'll start to think, Ah, okay, it really woke them up and made them more aware, they're more attentive to my needs. And it's enabled a strength in our relationship, our relationships growing stronger as a result of that moment. And therefore, that moment, I shouldn't hold in my memory as something that was terribly bad. It was a completely neutral event, when I saw the whole picture. And I can only have love and gratitude for that event. And therefore, it's dissolved, it's no longer running my amygdala and sending a sympathetic nervous system response through my body. And if see, if you don't dissolve these events, what happens is when you get similar stimulus, you know, again, someone says something to you, you then associate it with a threat to your ego, or a threat to your proudness or whatever. And then you have all these associations with or this is a threat. This is alarm bells, alarm bells, this is a threat, it's, you know, it's going to really knock me off my pedal stool, and therefore, you're gonna respond like you did, historically. And you, you'll end up in the same situation where no one wins, everyone, you've both yelled at each other, you're worked up, you're all muscles are all tightened, and you can't sleep that night, because you're just replaying it over your head. Well, you can actually, by dissolving these prior experiences, if that experience happens, again, you get the same stimulus in your life, you won't have these strong connections with this is how I react, I bite back at them, you know, I get rip into them. And now I really attack them because my pride is not gonna be damaged. What you do is, you've dissolved those past events, and therefore you're responding to the stimulus for what it is you're actually thinking about, what words are they actually putting in there? What's the hidden meaning behind those words? They're trying to make me authentic. Okay, those words are trying to bring me back into authenticity. And for me to be me, as opposed to being this cocky person at this moment in time or this down and shameful person that this moment in time, those words, I'm looking for the hidden meaning because you're centered, and you're compose, you're not in that fight or flight response. Okay, I think you're getting it. So there the two parts of this Demartini method that I've learned, there's many more parts that can help resolve past trauma, past experiences, so that you have love and gratitude for what's happening, because you start to see how it served you or how that elation has been of disservice to you and you start neutralizing it. So you no longer live in the past. You're no longer a victim of history, you get into the present so that you can then control you're have a control response to your actions, you're not reactive, you're acting on stimulus as opposed to reacting to stimulus. And you can act in a way so that takes you towards your goals, your accomplishments, to where you know, to that life that you want to live and create and leave that positive legacy on the world and make a difference. So that's just sharing a part of it. And I'm actually doing a one day, what's actually a two day workshop the first day, we're going to be essentially freeing our mind with these traumatic experiences and these living in the history you're dissolving these fantasies, which you wish life would be like, and it's not, and therefore you're always upset. So we're going to spend the day going through the Demartini method. And working through all these issues, this resentment towards this person, you're going to now see the whole of that person and love them for who they are. So we're going to work through your issues, one by one, getting those most emotional charges down to neutral. So essentially, we're freeing the mind for the next day, the second day. So it's a weekend, it's a weekend retreat. First day, we do the Demartini method, we clear the baggage from 2022. And earlier, had we clearing that the most charged baggage, and then that's freeing us up to then on the Sunday to design the life we want. So then we start planning and we start planning out 2023. So this is in the new year, there's details in the shownotes, go to the link, have all the information where it is what we'll be doing, how to be of benefit to you how it will serve you to help you live the life that you want, in 2023. So yeah, this recording will go live, just post Christmas. So I really hope you have a great summer break. And we'd love to see you at my weekend retreat, where we're actually working through this methodology. And as I said, we're only shared a part of it. So there's a whole lot more to share. So we're going to spend a whole day working through clearing the baggage, setting you up for 2023, for what you want, for what success looks like for you. So I really hope you enjoyed this recording, I really enjoyed sharing it with you, it was a lot of fun. For me, I'm living the life that I want. Because I've worked on myself, I've worked on dissolving that baggage, I've worked on seeing the grace of what's happened as a kid, and the experiences how they've served me to what I'm doing today. And today on being authentic. And I do it every now and then I get out of authenticity. And then there's people that remind me that I'm being a bit cocky or bit too proud, or I'm feeling a bit too shameful. And so they do the opposite to either bring me down to get me authentic. So my wife, you know, will bring me down and my kids will bring me down so that I be me. Or if I'm feeling down, they pick me up. And again, you'll start to see this unfold in front of your eyes once you are aware of it. So if you do these activities that I've shared with you, on this episode, you'll start to have more self awareness for when you know what you're disliking or what you're seeing. If you start to look and self reflect within and seeing, okay, I do that, I do that I own that. So therefore, I can love you for being you. And therefore I've got love for me for being me. And therefore the energy between the two, the two people, you and them is so much, so much better, because you're loving them for who they are. And they're seeing you for who you are. And you're both being authentic. And that's when there's unconditional love and unconditional gratitude for the world for the way it is not the way you wish or fantasize it to be the way it is. So thank you so much for tuning in to this insightful episode of me and my health app. Please, I'd love to see you on the weekend. Please join me go to the link. Have a look. If it's for you. Great, then come along. I'd love to spend the weekend with you empowering you. I look forward to it. And if it's not for you, it may be for someone else that you love that you can think could benefit from this. So please pass it on to them. Please share the episode with them. Spread it out. And as I said my mission is to enhance and enlighten the well being of others. And that's what I'm all about doing. I'm living it today. In this moment. I'm really grateful to be able to do what I'm doing. And I express gratitude to you for listening for following me for inspiring me. You inspire me by listening to these episodes. It gives me more inspiration to do more. And stay tuned for more insightful episodes of me and my health up.