New Beginnings After Grief And Loss

Please welcome today Indie Author, Mentor, Intuitive Writer and Reiki Practitioner Jennifer M Alemany! Jennifer was born in Brooklyn, New York, she is Latin American with a background from Puerto Rico, Mexico, and Cuba. She was the first to graduate from college in her family with an Associate degree in Early Childhood Education and a bachelor’s degree in psychology. She lives in New York.  

 After losing the love of her life two and a half years ago, Jennifer began to transform her life through loss and her first book, Mark My Love was born.  She speaks openly about her grieving process and being okay with not being okay sometimes.  In her memoir, she explores love, loss, and looking at life differently.

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Transcript

Unknown Speaker  0:00  
Hi, I'm your host, the gentle yoga warrior. And please welcome today in the offer mentor, intuitive writer, Reiki practitioner, Jennifer M. Alemany.

Unknown Speaker  0:15  
Jennifer was born in Brooklyn, New York. She has a Latin American with a background from Puerto Rico, Mexico and Cuba. She was the first to graduate from college and a family with an associate's degree in early childhood education, and a bachelor's degree in psychology. Jennifer lives in New York. After losing the love of her life. Two and a half years ago, Jennifer began to transform her life through loss. And her first book titled, mark my love was born. She speaks openly about the grieving process and being okay with not being okay sometimes. In her memoirs, she explores love loss, and looking at life differently. So without further ado, John is today from New York, New York. Please welcome Jennifer M. alimony. Hi, Jennifer, welcome to the show. Hi, hi, thank you for having me. Oh, it's a joy. It's an absolute pleasure. So today we're going to talk about new beginnings after grief and loss. Life can be magical, yet sometimes things happen that is sad, filling our hearts with grief. This can trigger all sorts of feelings like a sense of loss, frustration and vulnerability to name but a few. I feel the process of grieving isn't always allowed or supported in society in a way it should be. It is my hope that by talking about it with others, we can learn to be more supportive. In the words of Josiah and Harris, tear shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They're a sign of a pure heart. I feel it takes someone brave to speak about the sensitive subject. And I'm honoured to have Jennifer on the show today. So Jennifer, what does New Beginnings after grief mean to you? And what inspired you to talk about it today?

Unknown Speaker  2:09  
It was important for me to speak about grief because I you know, I was in so much pain. And I had two major losses in my life. My boyfriend had passed away two and a half years ago. But I also had lost my mother 13 years ago.

Unknown Speaker  2:22  
And I hadn't fully grieved for her. So when I lost my lost my boyfriend, it was coming through like tenfold I was in such pain. And I realised I needed to turn things around. So I basically took that, that pain and turned it into fuel to change my life. And I've done a 360 basically in my life and what I do? Well, it's very inspiring to hear, I'm sure our listeners are going to gain a lot from hearing your press process and how you went through it and haven't experienced grief myself before in the past and how people around you can not always understand like, and allow you to go through that process. It's almost as if society wants us to kind of rush through through that process. And then we do sometimes or we can sometimes rather kind of bottle that grief up. And then as you said you hadn't fully read your model, and then it came out tenfold when when unfortunately, you lost your partner as well. And I feel by shedding rather shining the light.

Unknown Speaker  3:28  
On grief, in a sense of talking about it more openly, I hope to help others and help others feel inspired to realise that grief is a natural process of life. And it's important that people can understand and accept that as a part of life and feel supported and loved. What advice would you give Jennifer to those who are struggling with grief, I would say to always to always let the light in and not not to refuse that because I think that I did that myself where I didn't want to move forward. It was it was kind of like why would I want to be happy again, these people are gone from my life. It was much like that. So it's one piece of advice is to don't resist don't resist the light. The light always comes through at least I feel that even in the darkest moments, the light somehow a little bit gets in so don't resist it. That's one major piece of advice. That's great advice. Let the light in let the light in definitely we can cut sometimes we can have that resistance to having that kind of helped. Can't we feel that we got to close off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuz it's a it's a life change, right? Your life to the people are gone now and your life is naturally already changing. Right? So it's almost like accepting, accepting change. It's like it's part of that. Right? So I talk about in my book I talk about like the trees, how the trees, they their leaves fall, right. They go to the seasons, and they change their colours and they and the leaves fall and they come back again. And it's like they have it

Unknown Speaker  5:00  
It just happens, right? And they have to accept it, right? There's no choice. So it's almost like, trying to be like that in life, you know, just accepting these things that are a part of it and grief, grief and death as a part of life. And love your description of the trees, it's the rebirth that they got through and it's a, it's a very visual way for people to, to understand about like, because we sometimes get a bit fixed and think, Oh, this is going to happen this and I'm going to do this, then etc. And unfortunately, life throws us curveballs, sometimes the ones that bring us giants, sometimes the ones that bring us pain, but they are, unfortunately, or fortunately, a part of life, you can feel the love in your book. It really warmed my hearts. And I felt all the emotions when when reading the pages deeply moving. And I would like to ask off that why is love so important to you? Yeah, I think you know, I think with with losing with losing Roger, my boyfriend, I you know, I loved him so strongly. And I, I want people to feel that and realise that. Sometimes we're not say telling the people in our life, when they're here, how much we feel, and that we love them, we're not showing it as much we're taking it for granted. So in the book, the way it came out of me, it was very cathartic. You know, the words, I didn't think about it a lot, the words just flowed out of me. But basically, I felt the need that I wanted to tell people like, recognise the love in your life focus on that, you know, that obviously, I lost these important people, and we are all going to lose people.

Unknown Speaker  6:38  
And other things too, we lose other things, we lose animals, we lose jobs, we lose all sorts of things. But it's almost like, focus on the love that you had in your have in your life. And, and that will, I think bring a lot of positivity to you. And that's why it was so important for me to convey that. And you did so elegantly and beautiful. I love your writing style. But you said it, I think the light was in you, when you when you put this pen to paper for this because it just has this, I don't know this won't warm to it. Even when you're talking about the difficult times you can feel like the love coming through and it was so beautiful. So how do you look at life now after the losses that you've had, I look at life, you know, that we're here to we're here to really, really live, you know, and I think that sounds cliche, but it's so important, because I don't think that we do, I think we're all like waiting for things at times, right? We're waiting for a love to come in our life, or we're waiting for the next job or something like that, or waiting for the next raise. And these are all external things that don't really matter. Right. So that's how I'm looking at life now. And that's why I wake up every day, I thank God and source, you know, above us for waking me up. And then I just see what the day brings, you know, I mean, I meditate a little bit I do certain things, you know, I walk outside in nature. And I just look at life very, you know, very differently in that way. No exceptionally lovely, really lovely. It's important to have gratitude. And I think sometimes when we, when we're feeling and it was a dark night of the soul or whatever term people like to use, where we feel in kind of, I don't know condensed really, because we're, we feel like we've lost so much or we're lacking in love. Gratitude. I find if I've had a really awful terrible day, or any day really, but this is this is Christmas has really helped me in the past. It's just a think of one thing I'm grateful for. I don't have to be, I don't have to live the day, I don't have to enjoy what I've experienced, but just to find some things that I'm grateful for and to kind of, and to focus on on that. And, and what's in it fixes everything, but it can kind of feel like a little bit like a hook.

Unknown Speaker  8:57  
Yeah. Yeah, it's almost like it's like living like just kind of trying to just living life naturally. That's why I kind of like look at it, right? I just, I don't I don't force things in a sense, right? If I, you know, just today, I wasn't feeling down, but I was having just maybe a moment I stopped and I just smiled. And then I just felt much better right afterwards. You know what I mean? Nothing really changed. But just stopping and having that smile, just okay.

Unknown Speaker  9:22  
So that's a great, that's a great piece of advice. Yeah. You know, a smiles free and we can all do it. Yep. Yeah. How does spirituality impact your life? I know that you have you've been a yogi for about 12 years now. It's an important part of my life. I want to say that. You know, I think that spirits are all around us. I believe that strongly.

Unknown Speaker  9:46  
And I know when my boyfriend passed, I felt his presence very strongly. I think that my mother's presence was always around me. I just felt that I wasn't. Maybe I wasn't fully fully accepting of it, if that makes sense, because I really

Unknown Speaker  10:00  
didn't fully grieve her. So I was in this maybe middle place. And I think that she was trying to get my attention. And I think with him on the other side, it was like this force like, like no showing us like, No, we're here around you. So it's important. It's important to me to have spirituality in my life, because I know that I'm thanking them for helping me every single day and being around me, I thank them for loving me. And we have a different relationship now that they're not here in the physical but they're here in spirit. Oh, that's so touching and love because love lives on forever, doesn't it? Just because they're not in this plane doesn't mean that love. Isn't there. In fact, in many ways from people can send even more love I feel some people. Yeah, cuz I feel their love stronger. Now, it may sound odd to folks, but I feel it's stronger than when they were here in life for whatever reason, I'm interested in do you believe then many lives? Do you believe like reincarnation, or we have many lives? And what's the I do? Feel I do. I feel that I feel that because I know that I've met certain people where I just feel connected to them. And I say, and it's, it's been more recently, in more recent years, I want to say, and I know, with that, I realise, okay, I think we go around this a few times, I think we're here. We're here in certain incarnations to do certain things. And then, you know, we pass on, and then I guess, whatever goes on the other side, and then we come back again. And then we're here to, you know, for a different reason. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you, I feel that I have been here before and that they have met people I've had connections with, we're all we're all on like this, this process together. And, and that is why I feel it's so important for people to understand about grieving process. And, and what I like so much about your, your book is is

Unknown Speaker  11:54  
the way you the way you write and the strength that you like, develop, like, and, and to know when things weren't, weren't right with a previous partner, and I don't know, you just the transformation in you comes across very strongly in this book, and it's my wish that it was to read it, then they would feel inspired and see that

Unknown Speaker  12:19  
everyone that's had an all in life, we're not naturally kind of born to be successful straightaway or, and also seeing what success is, but it's, it's a process and kind of,

Unknown Speaker  12:33  
and the learning that we and the even at the time, maybe at the time, we didn't probably realise how much stronger you were until you went back. And I'm guessing this, but um, and then you put it up pen to paper, and then you could see the transformation. And, and I feel that life is about a process of

Unknown Speaker  12:52  
transforming and learning. And it's not necessarily we don't all have to be famous. But I feel that we just do our best. And that's all that we can ever do is our best. So your book is your book is out. Now, I would love you to talk a bit about the publishing process or the process of how you came to write it. Yeah, I started to write two months, two months after Roger, my boyfriend passed away. I started to go out by the pool after work. And I just started to journal, I was writing my getting my feelings out. And it was very cathartic. I was crying the entire time when I was writing it. But it was also like I knew I knew the universe spirit was with me, because I was writing very quickly, I was writing by hand handwriting. And it was there was very fast, right.

Unknown Speaker  13:45  
And I want to say Chip, I took five months, and the book was done. Outside of the last chapter, it all of it was done by the end of that year, so that was the end of 2019.

Unknown Speaker  13:57  
And at the time, I wasn't sure if I was going to publish it. That wasn't my intention. It was really what the book it came out. It came out of nowhere. And I kept getting a gut feeling that I was meant to help others. Because the pain I experienced and how I wrote it very raw. I was I was meant to. It's meant to help others right? I kept getting that that that instinct feeling and to be honest, all the 2020 It was me

Unknown Speaker  14:23  
trying to work through what I publish it what I publish this intimate story, obviously you're reading it, I'm giving intimate details of my life.

Unknown Speaker  14:31  
I've always been a private person. So that was a big hurdle for me to say like, okay, am I going to do this? But again, that gut gut feeling kept saying you're supposed to do this, like you're meant to do this.

Unknown Speaker  14:44  
So then I kind of, I dealt with myself and said, Okay, I guess we're gonna do this. Wow. And I looked into you know, I looked into self publishing I also, I also had put it out there for an agent just to get the feel of that space because I hadn't hadn't worked in the creative literary space.

Unknown Speaker  15:00  
at all, I'm a former human resource professional for 22 years, right? So

Unknown Speaker  15:06  
nothing, nothing in the literary space.

Unknown Speaker  15:10  
I looked into self publishing, and then that seemed to be the way I felt to go. I wanted, you know, control over what I was going to do and how it was gonna put it out there. So I went with book baby, they helped me get the book out there. And then my HR career ended at the end of 2020. So then 2021 was basically me putting all of my efforts into my website into the book, and getting the word out there and helping others you know, I want others to heal. And I want others to to live their life to really live life. And I think that comes across very genuinely in here. Because you can feel the way you wrote it is it is with an energy that feels that it is healing when you read it, even though some subject matter is sad in parts. It's very, very healing very, very genuine. This is on Amazon worldwide, isn't it? So it doesn't matter what country you're in, you can pick it up there. And I will also I've just launched my new website, the gentle yoga warrior calm where I have a bizarre with books, and I will put a link to this there as well. So listeners, you can pick up Jennifer's book there as well. Oh, Jennifer, do you feel there's any other future plans with your writing? or what have you done? What's your plans for the future? I'm really intrigued to hear I've been I've been writing two more books, I started writing another one at the end of 2020. It kind of just kind of started coming to me the same way. And then I started another one also, earlier this year. So I know that that's my purpose. I was asking, I was praying a lot about it and meditating as to what my purpose was. And I knew, I knew for the past few years, my HR career wasn't my purpose. I knew that wasn't my what why am I meant to be here? So the writing felt right. But the connecting with my emotions and writing about it, I think that is the thing to help heal people. I think it's not just me being a writer, it's me being able to express my emotions, and I think relating to people. And then that, that that inspiring and then helping them and in a very honest way, as well. I feel that you like you said earlier, you're very private person, but I think you you really opened like a really open book, but in a way that was very nurturing reader and also transformative for yourself. Because it takes a lot of bravery to put yourself out there like that. I really feel that you've kind of really embodies what you were meant meant to do and what you are doing such a lovely bison first person it just really kind of like flow just Yeah, so it was a lot of books, and I feel really touched by this one.

Unknown Speaker  17:51  
That really, that really your words touched me. Thank you so much. I wanted it. I wanted people to feel you know what, we're all genuine. We're all human beings. We all go through these different things will, you know, I in the book that you laugh, too, I think there's certain parts where I say things in there. So it's kind of just being real about life, you know, I mean, so I wanted to be honest with everybody. And I think that it helped me get alone. A lot of it gets it helped me get through things on my own. Yeah, it got to get through the grief, it helped me get through some self confidence issues. You know what I mean? So it helped me a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really picked that up from it. You did you went through that is wonderful, but difficult journey at the same time. And well, any tips that you could give our listeners on how to find more joy, I mean, to take a little walk, you know, if you're able to, you know, it's always good to get out into nature a little bit. I also I think it's important to meditate a little bit and pause. I don't think that we do that enough. And it doesn't have to be long. It could just be five minutes of just being still and being quiet. I think that all of those things helped me to find that that inner joy, where I'm just happy just to wake up, you know, and I truly am, you know, yeah, yeah. Great advice. Great advice. Never underestimate the power of nature and walk and just kind of stopping because sometimes a mind can get very busy. And if we just paused for a moment, you know, and just took a few breaths. Definitely what and know that your fellow Fleetwood Mac fan because they're

Unknown Speaker  19:25  
and music is a very big part of your life. Is there any particular tracks or albums or books even that really inspired you and that you feel you'd like to recommend? Well, I mean, Fleetwood Mac, I mean, they're everything that they've done. I mean, but landslide is my favourite song of theirs.

Unknown Speaker  19:45  
But Sarah is Sarah Sarah there is also an important song for me that was not one of my mother's favourite so it's an important one which I which I love. But I also a third song of theirs. I have to do take up three I want to say secondhand news obviously deliver more upbeat

Unknown Speaker  20:00  
But that's, that's a favourite of mine of theirs.

Unknown Speaker  20:03  
But any any songs there, they'll be honest with people like I really I really have taken so much time where I really read the words of their lyrics. It's not just listening. And I get in deep and I think about you know, it helps me think about my own life and things like that so

Unknown Speaker  20:18  
another important artist to me was as also been glorious Stefan when I was growing up, you know, she's Cuban artist, but she had a very bad accident way back when and she recovered from that and changed her life, you know, in advance. That was always she's always been an inspiration. So her as well. But as far as books, I want to say any books by by Maya Angelou have always inspired me. Yeah, she's a great writer, great writer. Yeah. It that's a really good thing to kind of listen to read the lyrics, because sometimes I've done that before songs when I've been singing this then away. And I've actually got the lyric was pointed out. Fluid back, I mean, Fleetwood Mac, they had so many different relationships within the band. Right. So when you listen to the lyrics, you're wondering, wow, like some of them are going through a lot of pain, breakups, obviously, things like that. So it's kind of you know, it takes it to another level. So yeah, so go deeper, go deeper with Yes, really sound advice? How can we better guests on this planet? Yeah, I think I think being kinder to the earth, or being kinder to each other. So I want to say bottom line has been kind across the board. Yeah. In the sense. So Jennifer, what's the best way for our listeners to reach out and connect, connect to you? I'm on Instagram, Jennifer mlmrc, on Instagram, I'm on Facebook. I'm on LinkedIn as well. My website, Jennifer, Mr. money.com. Also, perfect. I'll also put a link in the the narrative of this podcast show.

Unknown Speaker  21:49  
I would just like to say, Jennifer, it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for being on the show today. I really look forward to seeing your future work. I'm going to jump on your mailing list by your website. So I don't miss your preacher books. You've got a real unique and strong and honest buys. And I think the world needs more of that these days, you know, so thank you listeners do stay tuned. I will there will be as always a short meditation inspired by this week's podcast. But Jennifer, thank you so much for being on this week's show. Thank you. Thank you so much. So we've reached that point in the podcast where we share a meditation that is inspired by this week's show. And earlier, we had the wonderful Jennifer Alemany who went through a great transformation after experiencing a double whammy of grief, which is a lot for one person to handle. But it was amazing to hear about her transformation as a person and really felt inspired by her book. So for meditation, my meditations are generally best done in a quiet place, I wouldn't advise to do it when you're driving offprint machinery because you need to be feeling as if you can let go and that you don't need to concentrate. So if you are doing your speech, just pause it and just reconvene from a straight chair or cross legged on the floor. If your body can physically do that, you know that you know what you're able to do. So just start sitting up nice and tall and whatever position is the right one for you. closing the eyes and just take some calm, calm deep breaths.

Unknown Speaker  23:32  
And as we breathe in and out through the nostrils, you find yourself in a

Unknown Speaker  23:42  
pink petal filled room.

Unknown Speaker  23:49  
As you you walk across the floor, the soft velvet touch of the petals beneath your feet. Feel like a wonderful treat.

Unknown Speaker  24:04  
Perhaps you're feeling fragile, or perhaps you're not feeling your best. Perhaps life has thrown you an almighty curveball and knocked you off your feet. But remember dry.

Unknown Speaker  24:21  
Remember, gentleness, self love?

Unknown Speaker  24:28  
Looking from SIP looking for support from whoever you believe is above.

Unknown Speaker  24:35  
Faith, Joy.

Unknown Speaker  24:39  
Healing. Allow yourself to feel the feelings. Don't rush it. Don't push it. Allow yourself to be

Unknown Speaker  24:51  
find softness in the floor. Find softness underneath your feet allow

Unknown Speaker  25:00  
yourself the beauty

Unknown Speaker  25:03  
of self love, which comes from your inner self, your higher self.

Unknown Speaker  25:12  
For we are all the pure essence of love. Just sometimes somewhere along the way we've forgotten that. But it's my mission, my my joy to remind you that each and every day, you are not alone. You take the time you need, you take it, you take it, you take it.

Unknown Speaker  25:38  
You can feel your feelings you can be, we're taught that it's wrong to fear, but I'm telling you, allow the process to unfold. Find the support you need.

Unknown Speaker  25:54  
Don't rush and don't crush.

Unknown Speaker  25:58  
What's within your heart.

Unknown Speaker  26:01  
Remember, love exists in many planes. Love is who we are. Love, love, love. Love is the greatest force in the universe.

Unknown Speaker  26:24  
Feel that love, feel that help coming from above.

Unknown Speaker  26:35  
Remember, the things that you're grateful for, like these petals in the room, when walking in a room full of magical mystical petals. And little cherubs and angels are sprinkling them from up above this world. Like raspberry ripple ice cream around our head centred and soft. And as you touch them on your skin,

Unknown Speaker  27:10  
you feel their life force.

Unknown Speaker  27:14  
Like kisses of love, like kisses of joy. Cuddling and supporting you, you are never alone. Ask for help allow it to be,

Unknown Speaker  27:27  
allow, allow, allow.

Unknown Speaker  27:31  
You don't need to be fixed. You don't need to be changed. You are divine things will happen in the right divine time.

Unknown Speaker  27:44  
We think we're in control of so many things. And yes, we can have free will. But there's also things that happen that are above us.

Unknown Speaker  27:57  
And

Unknown Speaker  27:59  
our mission is to trust, to trust to trust, saw what flower of joy,

Unknown Speaker  28:11  
of gratitude no matter how big. The problem is that you're going through what is the one sprig of joy of gratitude that you can find in this right moment. It could just be the warming sensation of your coffee cup in your hand. It could just be seeing a little dog run down the road and play with its friends. Or little birds, cheeping outsides it could be the smile of your child

Unknown Speaker  28:46  
or a warming memory of a loved one.

Unknown Speaker  28:52  
See that little particle of joy, as if it's like a golden kind of seed in your hand. Golden sparkling as it swirls around and around and around. And then you plant that seed into the floor. Give it some water, the water is self love.

Unknown Speaker  29:18  
The light is the presence from above.

Unknown Speaker  29:23  
And the soil is your resilience, your strength, even in times that you feel that it's not there. I want you to know that someone does care.

Unknown Speaker  29:38  
So can you water this bit of gratitude and can you add a little bit of water each day? A little bit of sunshine and allow it to be and just see what happens if you try this meditation daily.

Unknown Speaker  29:54  
A step at a time. You don't have to see the whole road. Just see why

Unknown Speaker  30:00  
part just one tiny step, one tiny pebble

Unknown Speaker  30:11  
and I want to give you my support from my heart.

Unknown Speaker  30:15  
I want you to know that you are loved

Unknown Speaker  30:19  
and love, no matter on what realm is never a part you are loved. You are wonderful.

Unknown Speaker  30:32  
And you are special

Unknown Speaker  30:37  
or unique vibration of love.

Unknown Speaker  30:43  
So just take some slow deep breaths in and out through the nose, come back into the present, come back into the room, allow yourself to be in and out through the nostrils and settle gently into the present moment.

Unknown Speaker  31:02  
Thank you.

Unknown Speaker  31:04  
And just a reminder, we've just launched our new website, the gentle yoga warrior.com.

Unknown Speaker  31:13  
So you can pick up copies of Jennifer's books and all my other amazing guests that I've had on the pod show. And I've got a bizarre name where you can pick up copies of that book. And if you have any questions do drop us a line

Transcribed by https://otter.ai