Men’s Mental Health: Why It Matters & How to Help

Men’s Mental Health: Why It Matters and How to Help. We’re joined by Stefanos Koutsoumpis, a PhD who left physics and multinational IT after realising success doesn’t guarantee happiness. We talk openly about how depression can hide behind a “good life,” and why many men don’t notice it until it shows up as stress, numbness, or shutdown.

We explore what actually helps—moving beyond surface-level self-help to deeper needs like meaning, values, and emotional awareness. Stefanos shares why therapy works when quick fixes don’t, and how to better support the men in your life by creating emotional safety without pressure.

We also dive into the power of men’s groups, being truly heard, and simple ways to shift your state—like moving your body. The episode closes with a calming water-based guided meditation to help you release what you’ve been holding.

Stefanos contact details: https://www.mindfullife.coach/

Free guide from Stefanos: https://www.hopp.bio/mindful-life-coaching

If this resonates, subscribe, share, and help more people find real support for men’s mental health.

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Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 1:12

We have got a PhD expert on the show today. We're gonna talk about the truth about men's mental health, why it matters, how to support yourself and the men in your life. Hello, everybody. I'm your host, the gentle yoga warrior, and joining us shortly from Greece is Stefanos Kutsumis. So Stefanos spent over a decade studying physics, then having achieved success, then went to work for multinational IT corporations as a certified project manager. But his own journey led him to mindfulness and positive psychology. He now spends his time helping men who feel successful, maybe on the outside, but feel like something is missing on the inside. And I'm sure we can all relate to that where we feel like something is missing on the inside. So, dear listeners, without further ado, please welcome Stefanas Kutsumis to the show.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Hello, Jane. Nice to be with you here today.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Nice to have you on the show, and thank you for joining us all. It's all the way from Greece today, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Exactly, exactly. Born and raised in nothing.

From Physics Success To Emptiness

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Beautiful, amazing. Thank you for coming on the show. So today we're going to talk about the truth about men's mental health, why it matters, and how to support the men in our life as well as ourselves. And I thought, what better person to have on the show than you, Stefan? You have a PhD, and I know that you studied physics for over a decade. Firstly, would you mind explain a bit about your journey so far on your life's path?

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Sure, sure. You know, I was uh born in a in a small town actually. I was one or out of four of children, four boys. So we were a big family, not poor, not uh rich. I I ended up going to Athens for studies, and uh, you know, I was really good at math at that point, and I ended up doing a PhD in physics actually, which was quite quite a journey. It's you know, like uh being not it's you are not a pro-athlete, but you are a pro in science. So it's it's similar because you know I have done a lot of athletism, and it those two always correlate in in my mind. And you know, over the years I was I was I always knew that if I set my mind to something, then I can achieve it. And this is how I approached life for for most of my years. That okay, I set myself to a goal and I know that I'm gonna do it. And so it was very disappointing when at some point I realized that the goals that I was setting, you know, they were not fulfilling, and I was not getting happier as the years went by.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

So what did you do then when you found out that you felt like you were the goals you were setting weren't fulfilling you?

SPEAKER_00 4:18

You know, this was not just a single moment in my life, but but it was something that was happening gradually and was developing, and you know, as the years went by, and you know, when I was a student, I didn't have any friends, any money. I I wanted to solve the main things in my life, you know, how to buy groceries and such stuff. So, you know, I I'm from such a family. So as the years went by and I solved these things, so I got a good job, I got a good social struggle, I had nice hobbies and I had you know enough to to spend to feel nice. Uh, I realized that okay, life was not getting easier, and how I felt was getting worse and worse. And you know, recently I was in another show and I was talking about my years feeling depressed and my years having self-harm thoughts. And you know, nowadays I can I can say that it doesn't make no, it makes sense, but at that point I was not able to realize that this was depression and something was not quite right with how I was feeling. But I was just feeling this this discomfort.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Thank you for speaking so candidly about it. What was your next step after that?

SPEAKER_00 5:40

You you know, at that age, I think I was about 20, 23, 24. I got into the self self-help world, into the self-development world, and into into the dating world. This is a kind of niche or a kind of consulting you can get about dating. So there was a lot of self-development and a lot of ways to improve how you present yourself, how you think about life, your mindset, etc. So so I I read a lot. I, you know, I was a scientist, I knew how to read, and I looked for knowledge into documentaries, into courses, into books, and into self-development. So I'm transitioning a bit now to self-development. And you know, there are a ton of self-development books that are men-oriented, and uh you can tell that they are man-oriented because they are heavily focused on results and heavily focused on on techniques and on tools. So, okay, you don't have enough time in your day. Okay, let's make some productivity, let's make this happen. But no one is asking, okay, why you don't have enough time and why do you need so much time to feel happy to make something happen? You know, they don't pose those questions. So, but I was on that travel, I was trying to to learn how to to improve myself, how to to be better, like you know, like I was not good enough already. You know, there was something to fix at that point, I guess. And still, you know, things got even worse at that point.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Oh wow, it's it felt like it got worse at that point. Wow, oh yeah, and so I guess what what was the next step after that?

Depression Behind A Good Life

SPEAKER_00 7:34

You know, I was always searching for for quest for solutions, and I was always trying to to somehow fix those things. And as soon as I realized that no matter how much I change what I do and how much I change my environment, things don't change inside of me. So then I had the you know, it was not a revelation, it was not an aha moment, but just a tiny thought that okay, maybe, maybe there is something about how I interpret the world inside of me. Maybe there is something in the way that I think things. So I I went to therapy, actually. This is what happened. And I went to therapy with uh one single request was which was I want to fix how I how I feel. Because I know that from the outside my life looks good. And you know, I know for many people that I'm talking with that their lives are looking good from the outside, but they're not feeling like that. So so I was not feeling like that at all. I I was you know, there was a total discrepancy between how I looked like and how I felt. So this was my request, and it was it was a nice path, a nice journey, and it didn't last that much. Actually, it lasted about I was meeting with my therapist for about three years, more or less, uh, until you know, at some point I said that okay, I'm good. I don't have anything more to talk about. No, now I want to continue with my my life. So so it was a big learning curve, a lot of work, and very rewarding work.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

That's amazing. And so you've now developed your is it your own system for men's health, mental health. And I know that you have worked in some top companies, so I guess you you kind of from what I'm listening, what I'm hearing is that you you've you've been a successful person, so you understand what it feels to be successful, but then not to feel fulfilled on on the inside and through your journey, you were then able to discover that. So, my my question is how can we better support the men in our lives when they're struggling to open up emotionally? And how would you suggest to do that through the work that you know?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

You know, there's I had a similar discussion with uh another lady yesterday, a coach, another coach, and she was saying that yeah, I have a lot of men, and it's very difficult for them to open up. They don't want to take any advice, they don't open up, and it's strange. And I was like, Yeah, you know, they they don't quite open up in the way that you expect. So so this I'm mentioning this because there is an expectation that men will open up the same way that women do, and they will connect the same way that women do. So if someone is listening to us and she's a lady and she wants to help her man, don't expect him to open up like a girlfriend would do. Okay. So let's start by dropping this expectation in order to give the person the space he needs actually to open up. And you know, men do open up, and uh and they need to feel a lot of emotional safety first.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Yes, trust and and to trust the person they're speaking with.

Leaving Self Help For Therapy

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Exactly, exactly. There is you know this dynamic of relationships, and it's about respect and about showing up as something. So it's very tough to to to show vulnerability. And I know this from the men's groups that I I run. It's easier for men to open up to complete strangers than to a close friend. So we need to create this this trust and this space for vulnerability to come up, and maybe it can be even in a formal way, like okay, you know, I had uh some friends, a mixed company, and they were playing the the therapist. So they had a structure when they were sitting in a company and they will say, Okay, for the next one hour, we will open up. Who'll do that? And it's a game, and then we it won't be no more, and we will stop and continue with our lives. So so maybe you need some structure. There are many nice, even mindfulness exercises for couples, you know, where you are just sitting with the other person, look each other deep in the eyes, and you say nothing. So connection and emotional transfer doesn't have to be with words every time. But most importantly, we need to give each other the space to set the base for communication.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

That's I like that, the space, yeah, because it and I also like you said about how men and women don't necessarily open up in the same way, and I can see why a stranger would be easier in in so many ways, because then you can kind of just be yourself a bit more, I would guess. There's a lot of men that you help. What is the thing, the silent struggles that you see them like carrying, and and um how can you help them with that?

SPEAKER_00 13:54

The the first thing you know I notice is the body language of of the men I speak with. And we are trying to open up, and I'm like, okay, so how are you feeling today? And they're like, okay, I'm feeling fine. And and you see a person who is completely tensed, you know, his shoulders, his body is closed, maybe he's he's slouching a bit. So the first thing that I'm trying to do is bring some awareness to feelings. This is where men are liking the most, and this is where I was liking the most, and it took a lot of training for me as well to to to get to to a certain level that that's acceptable. Because I don't think that that it can't be any better, but you we need to be in an acceptable level. So the idea is to to try and somehow help men learn or maybe teach them some emotional skills. Uh and the first of it is awareness, you know, recognizing how you you feel each given moment about anything that's going on in front of you.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

I like that. So that's like the first step we do with them. And with them, you know, is I guess it gets to a point when they feel kind of empty, stressed, or kind of like shut down. Maybe it's it's because of the difficulties of life, I don't know, and and and things like that, and it's kind of got them to that point, and then they find yourself and you're able to like speak them through it. So if I'm a listener and I'm thinking, oh, I I want to come to one of your men's groups, or I might suggest the men's group to my partner, what's the best way that they can go about that?

How To Help Men Open Up

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Uh I would be very happy if someone comes and uh he said, Okay, I was referred by Jane Soul. So so so it's it's pretty straightforward actually. On my website, I have a form for people who are interested in. And this is a way for them also to start by sharing what's it's on their mind, what is making them feeling stressed or distressed. And before they join, we always have a small, a small preview interview. This is a chance for the men who joined to see me first and learn a bit about the group, about the structure, about what we do, and to start creating this emotional support that we need within the group later. And it's a very good exercise. You know, I've been noticing that men who are ready to show up in a in a pre-interview, they are good to go also for a group. But a lot of the times when we're accepting people and uh they know that there are many other groups that are doing this, when you're just letting people in the room, then you somehow break the trust of the group and you're not helping even the newcomers as well.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Right. So it's it's important that you get to speak to them first to make sure that in the right match for that particular group that you're you're running and things like that. And I guess then if they have the pre-interview of yourself, they feel a bit more relaxed, then because sometimes people can build things up in their mind, can't they? Before that they go along to these things where if they've they've spoken to you, then they're gonna feel like more relaxed. So, Savanas, how do these men's groups help that actually help men? What is what have you seen as the biggest like takeaways from them?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

You know, for a lot of us, we've never been actually heard in our lives. And I noticed that a lot, you know, recently I was in Italy for vacation and I was back to my hometown, and I was trying to speak about my experience, and I was not given enough space to to let out all these emotions that I was feeling. So I did not feel heard, and that's true for most of us. We are not heard enough, or maybe we were never heard. So this is the first way that the groups are supportive. It for some men, it's the first time in their lives that someone actually pays attention to them without interruptions and with big poses, you know, so he can think even more and go even deeper. So that's the first way. The other thing is that we are learning through the stories of others. So, you know, if I'm in a room and you know, I have all the stress of the world on my shoulders, and then I have across a person who is going through a divorce, for example, then I'm getting some perspective for myself as well. Because I can see that I'm not the only one struggling. Other people are struggling with different things that maybe I I couldn't manage either. So there is this shared feeling that okay, we're all together in this. And the third thing, and it's super important, is the group accountability. So you go into a space where you know that everyone is looking somehow to better themselves. And when you share something, you want it to be important and you want to be authentic and you want it to be true. So you are getting an accountability from the group. The next time that you will come in, we will ask you, okay, how what's going on with your life? What did you do with that thing that you were saying that it's in your mind? So that's pretty helpful because there's a checkpoint with someone that really moves you.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Oh, uh I love that it sounds very comfortable and healing, and I do feel that just being able to share, like you said, but so many times we're not listened to, and uh especially like in family situations and life's so busy, and I think there's also a lot of uh pressure that's sometimes put um on men's shoulders to carry like the weight, the weight of the world in a different way to what how women do. And I just think these groups are gonna be very, very, very, very helpful. Just hearing you talk about it makes I can imagine makes them feel a lot more calmer. So sometimes men can be resistant to the inner work and and and like kind of not always, but to kind of work through it just because they've never felt like they're they're they're hurt. Do you think as they talk and open up to you that they like all the stuff that they've been holding inside, they're able to release it? And what what do they do after that? So there's a few questions in one.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, you know, uh absolutely, absolutely. Uh as as someone speaks and open apps, he he gets to release some tension from from his chest and from his mind, and he tends to feel less stressed, actually. Once you vocalize what's in your mind, and you once you you listen to the problem with your own words, then it's out of you. It's out of your chest. And then you can be more objective about what's going on. There are a lot of solutions that are coming up when we are doing this process.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Oh, great. So are there solutions that you suggest, or they the people in the group find themselves or the group?

What Men’s Groups Actually Provide

SPEAKER_00 21:40

There are yeah, you know, you know, we are not you're not suggesting, and we have a strict rule, it's a ground rule about not giving unsolicited advice. So it's something that we don't do in the group, but we are making a lot, a lot of questions. So we are if someone is sharing something, then we are asking him about okay, what did he do? How it felt, what how it could go better? Are there any alternatives that you can think of? How would you uh want it to turn out? And you know, when someone starts answering those questions and he starts to get perspective about the subject. Everyone is an expert on themselves, if they are given the space. So when someone is joining the group, he's the expert for himself. We're just giving him enough space so he can think on what is on his mind. So this is how solutions are coming up, and you know, I've been noticing this a lot about advice, you know, because you know, I I was a scientist, I was a smart quote unquote guy. So I always thought that okay, my advice is make sense, right? And you know, lately I've been noticing more and more that what makes sense to me doesn't make sense to someone else, because the story in my in my head is very different from the story in the head of someone else, or the results that I want to do or I want to have are very different from someone else. So there's not one size fits all solution. And this is you know the problem with the self-help world, because those are one-size-fits-all solution, and it's not like this when it comes to us, and this is why sometimes self help doesn't work, or you need to go through a lot of different solutions and a lot of experimentation, and this is why therapy works, for example, coaching works, because they are specific to you. Um there are things that you can experiment faster and learn faster what works for you, not just do what someone told you.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Therapy can be very, very helpful indeed. So if I'm a if I'm a podcast listener and I want to do one tip to I know it's like one who doesn't feel but a tip that they can do today to improve their life, what what thing would you suggest?

SPEAKER_00 24:17

You know, I have five of those.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Oh, great. Five number one.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

You know, uh sometime ago I wrote a guide with five ways to feel happier and more fulfilled today. And people can go to my website and find it there. So let's go with one of those. The the number one thing that someone can do and start feeling a bit better is move a bit, you know, get some exercise. And this seems silly, but we know that there's a lot of science about how we were made to move and all those hormones that flow through our blood when we're working out. And I know that the mornings that I start with a brief walk, that I feel much better the moments later. So exercise is a magic pill and it's free, and it helps also a lot with not only how our physical health, but it helps with our nutrition as well, because when you are working out, you are most probable to watch your nutrition, and it helps a lot with relationships as well, because you are more prone to meet other people. So those are some extra strips that are happening. You are having less stress, you are more creative, you are meeting more people. And this, you know, started you know through this magic free pill that's called exercise.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

I I like that, and I saw your your wonderful guide on your on your website as well. So, yeah, listeners, if you want to access Stefano's guide, it you need to go to is it mindfullife.coach.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Yes, mindfullife.coach, and there's five amazing tips on how you can help help your world. So if I'm a listener and I want to work with you now, is your website the best place for them to go to?

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Yes, I believe uh uh someone will find all the details about who I am, what I have done with my life, my trainings, etc., and the means to reach me out. So, yeah, that will be the best way.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Oh, brilliant. So Dalys says I'll put details in the show notes, but it's mindfullife.coach to contact Stefanos. So, Stefanos, I would like to say to you for this last question: is there anything that you wish we'd cover today and you'd like to speak about?

Better Questions Beat Advice

SPEAKER_00 26:41

You know, I always like to keep in mind why we're doing everything that we are doing. Uh, you know, if we're working hard, we are working for a better future so we can be happier, or if we are having lots and lots of fun, still we are doing this because we want to be happy in the first place. This is why we're having kids, we're getting married, or we're struggling at work until late at night. So instead of having our values around, you know, be more successful or be happier or or be more wealthy, let's keep in mind that you know happiness is the ultimate currency in our lives. And whatever we're doing is somehow the means for us to feel happier. So if someone is giving you meaning, this is in a good direction in your life. If someone is taking away from that and is making you more miserable in the short or long term, then most probably this is the wrong way to go with your life. So happiness is the ultimate currency of our lives.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

I love that. Thank you. That's amazing. Dear listeners, as always, there's a meditation inspired by today's show, but I've it's been really insightful to speak to you, Stefanos. So thank you for joining us this evening all the way from Greece. But I'll put your details in the show notes. But thank you so much for being on the show today.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Thank you for having me, Dean.

One Tip You Can Do Today

Guided Stream Meditation To Close

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Top tips for the meditation is either sit nice and cross-legged on the floor with a nice straight back. Always nice to sit on a block or a cushion, or if that's not available for you, you sit in a chair with the back nice and straight. The important thing is you're not slouching. And if you're doing something that requires little concentration, all you need to do is just pause this and you can reconvene the meditation at a time that is good for you. If you're doing the meditation, let's begin. So, as you close your eyes, dear listener, and we'll do a brief but powerful meditation. You're gonna close your eyes and imagine that you are sitting on the edge of a beautiful running stream. Perhaps in your imagination, you gingerly dip your toe into this water, and it has a cooling effect on a warm and summery day. And as you sit still on this bank in your imagination, you feel as if the water just flows and flows past you. And the emotions that may come up from being allow them to flow away with the water. Maybe it's a time when you didn't feel heard by your loved ones. We've all been there. A time where you felt misunderstood, misrepresented, misloved. And allow this water to flow and take anything that's getting in your way of being your true and wonderful self away. And the stream has this wonderful calming effect, and your mind then may stop to wander to other things. But can you bring it back to simply listening to the water? For us to be hot heard, be open to listening to you. Whatever is going through your mind, can you bring your thoughts back into the moment and just listen to this water as it flows for the next minute. Don't worry if your mind wanders to come back to the breath and this water and find this calmness from just simply being in the now. As you slowly come back into the moment, come back into the room.