Your Fear Is Loud But It Is Not The Boss

Six years of showing up has taught us something surprising: the biggest thing that limits our lives is rarely a lack of talent, it’s fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear that our gifts won’t be welcomed.

What happens when old hurts turn into a “protective wall” that slowly blocks your confidence and dims your light?

We get practical about overcoming fear and anxiety without pretending they disappear overnight. We talk about the trap of self-criticism, why you don’t need to “fix everything” to grow, and how to balance being a work in progress with celebrating who you are right now.

We close with a reminder that support exists, and reaching out for professional help can be the strongest step you take. If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s stuck, and leave a review. What fear are you ready to stop negotiating with?

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Transcript

0:00

Hello dear listeners and thank you for coming to tonight's podcast. And it is a celebration because we are in year six, and six years in podcasting is a long time statistically. So a wholehearted thanks to you, dear listeners, new, old, however long you've been listening. Thank you to our supporters and sponsors. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the wonderful guests we've had on the show. Thank you to everyone who's inspired me in any kind of way. And thank you to myself for having the persistence to continue to do this for so many years. And it is my joy to bring this gift to the world. And I feel with the podcast and with myself that I'm kind of at an age where anything that was holding me back in the past, it's time to go. Bye-bye. And we can so often see life and react and act through the lens of past things that happen to us that hurt us in so many ways. And we build this court of fear to protect ourselves

Six Years In And Letting Go

1:12

from these things. But then this court becomes so big, it dims our wonderful light. And fear, I feel, covers so many blocks that we can have. Like, I'm not gonna list every single block that happens with fear because I think the list would be endless. But I do feel that so many of us live in a place of fear. We are frightened to be our full, beautiful selves. We are fearful about what people think. We are kind of controlled, we control ourselves through fear in a sense that we have wonderful gifts to give to the world, but fear so often stops us from sharing those wonderful gifts with the world. And yet we can be so hard on ourselves, and I think that is even a stitch of fear, and thinking that we have to change every aspect of ourselves, and that's sometimes a mindset we can have at the start of the year, right? When we think I need to fix everything. Just to let you know, we will always be work in progress, works in progress for the rest of our lives, and yet

How Fear Shrinks Our Lives

2:27

we should celebrate the wonderful, perfect human being that we are, regardless of that, but then navigating ways to change. And I thought fear is a really good cult to take off one's shoulder and to step into becoming the brightest, most wonderful version of ourselves. So that fear, as the saying goes, feel the fear and do it anyway. So if there's something that you want to do for yourself, which you know will be for the highest good of the universe, or God, or whatever it is you believe in, so for the highest good of all, like say you wanted to, I don't know, get into music, but you're fearful of it, or you wanted to tell your farm that you wanted to live a more healthy lifestyle, but then people can feel freshened by that and try and kind of pull you into their lifestyle. What I'm saying is I this it's impossible for me to list all the ways that we can be fearful. I think this is a very personal journey that you can have with yourself, and the best way I feel to discover what fear is holding oneself back from being one's most wonderful, beautiful, and bright self is to get a notebook, sit down, do a timer, do a timer for at least a week where you do five minutes a day and you just journal what fear means to you, and you just see what comes up. Find out what's holding you back, what it is that you really want to do, and where you want to go. And I give you an example that years and years ago I did a public speaking course, and the tutor at the time had worked with A-list celebrities to people from all walks of life, and I remember them saying that when people got up to do some sort of public speaking, they were seldom without any fear. Some of these top stars could be like feeling like they're gonna throw up, absolute panic, and but they really wanted to do what they were doing. So if they let that fear stop them from delivering their speech, their message, their acting role, then that would be a life half-lived by them. So they learned ways to deal with that fear through breathing exercises, yoga, whatever ritual that was helpful

A Simple Journal To Name Fear

5:22

for them. And I get it. I have found ways to help myself as well through this, but I get it when you're in that fear, there's nothing worse. Like I don't particularly enjoy driving. Where I've lived, I've not really had to drive much, but I've decided to visit driving again, and I had lots of refresher lessons, and I can now confidently for a couple of years now get into my car and drive, but I still have a little bit of nerves before I do it, and it's not something I particularly love. But for me to kind of go to the places that I want to go to now, driving is a good skill set for me to have. That is an example of me where I've kind of worked through fear. There is many other examples as well that I could share with you, but that is an example that is like a kind of low-level fear that one could work on, first of all. So just say you're in the same situation, you don't really like driving, then can you have some refresher lessons, etc.? And can that help you? Or if you really want to be a stand-up poet, but you're so nervous about getting up and doing this

Real Examples Of Working Through Nerves

6:48

speech, try and do some public speaking lessons, or if you think your poetry is not good enough, could you go to lessons? But just remember, opinions can vary, so it doesn't mean because one person doesn't like your work that you're not good. If you think of all kinds of art from music to paintings to cinema to fashion, etc. Those artists have never pleased everyone, and they never will please everyone. So it's always going to be someone's opinion. But if you really feel in your heart this is what you want to do, find ways to get round that fear. So perhaps you could learn some breathing exercises, perhaps you could really rehearse before you get up and speak. What would give you more confidence? So for me, if I'm going to share some information, what gives me more confidence is if I read about it for several days beforehand, where I'll read my notes that I've made, and that makes me feel more comfortable. You might have a different way of working through fear. And when I really get into the the depths of fear, you want to bear with me that at the age I'm at, that hormones can make one feel more anxious than one used to. My go-to tool, even if I don't feel like doing it to start with, is either some sort of movement, so yoga or dance, or something like this, if it feels like it's kind of more in the body where I feel tense. But if I feel like I really want to release the mind, I will follow that with some meditation. And there is so many great meditations out there, and finding one that feels right for you, and to help quash that fear. So there's not a magic wand that's going to take away these strong emotions, it's more like you see them, you think, okay, I'm gonna feel this, I can feel fear now, but then you don't let it kind of take over your life. So I hope this was of help to you. We'll do a different one next week to round off this series. So let's do a meditation. Top tips for the meditation is either sit nice and cross-legged on the floor with a nice straight

Movement And Meditation For Anxiety

9:18

back. Always nice to sit on a block or a cushion, or that's not available for you. You sit in a chair with the back nice and straight. The important thing is you're not slouching. And if you're doing something that requires concentration, all you need to do is just pause this and you can reconvene the meditation at a time that is good for you. If you're doing the meditation, that's beginning. So as you close the eyes and you take a calming deep breath, perhaps you're feeling tension, worry, or some kind of anxiety. Without judgment, just allow that to be. But steer your well-being through the tool of your breath. And the simplicity of this meditation is all you have to do is observe your inhalation, your exhalation without judgment.

Guided Breath Meditation And Support

10:42

So you will inhale at a pace that's right for you, you will exhale at a pace that's right for you. So calmly, and how it works with your individual lung capacity. Think gentleness, calmness, sense of ease. And whenever the mind stops to dart off, you can just come back to acknowledging the breath. And you just think I'm inhaling now. And I'm an exhaling now at the pace that is right for me, and you just continue listening to your breath as you slowly come back into the moment, come back into the room, knowing that your breath is your tool to help navigate through difficult emotions. And remember, there's so much help out there. So, if there's any further help you need, do reach out to Professional.